Chapter Text
The cherry blossoms… they’re in bloom.
“You’re all set for discharge Mr. Zhang! Congratulations on your recovery,” the nurse had handed over a file of documents to a male dressed in a hospital gown.
This male was named Zhang Hao. He had moved to South Korea for college at the age of 19.
At the age of 23, he got together with his current boyfriend, and at 24, he got diagnosed with some unknown respiratory disease.
However, he was 26 now, and he had finally recovered from it after months of testing, months of isolation, and months of not being able to live normally.
He yearned to finally be able to live a normal life that wasn’t the four walls of his hospital ward. It was sickening to him.
He made his way outside, the cool wind greeting him gently. There were traces of cherry blossoms on the ground. It was April, spring had arrived.
He unlocked his phone, and scrolled through his contacts, settling on a specific contact titled ‘Jaesongie <3’
Right, he should contact his boyfriend at least. He’s sure he would be running over to pick him up, or maybe… he should surprise him?
Hao smiled to himself, yes, that would be nice to do.
He had called for a taxi and entered it, his smile unwavering.
“Ah, discharged? Congrats,” the old man driving him smiled in the rearview mirror. Hao was caught off-guard at the sudden comment. “Oh, thank you. I’m very lucky,” he mumbled.
“Indeed you are! Hm… you wanted to go to Yeon-min estate?” he pressed it into his GPS. Hao nodded, “uh… yeah. I’m going home to my boyfriend,”
“Oh! I’m sure he’d be happy to see you,” he spun the wheel around, going into the highway. Hao didn’t reply to that comment.
He decided to look out into the window, seeing the cherry blossoms fall to the ground, its pink and white colours painting the trees.
“The cherry blossoms are pretty,” he commented. The driver turned around to look at him. “There’s this pathway that is a good spot to view it! Would you like to see it?”
“Oh, uhm, sure…” Hao answered, tone nervous. Immediately, he swerved into some strange pathway. “Wh- is this… legal?” The wind lashed furiously, Hao’s soul leaving the faster he went.
“Oh, relax! This way is much faster. There are always different routes to take. Why not take the scenic one?” He grinned, continuing to speed ahead.
Hao felt quite dizzy, but the car finally slowed down after 10 minutes of what felt like a chase scene. “Uh… sir, I might be sick,” he rubbed his head.
The driver just laughed, before pointing towards the outside of the window. “Look, isn’t the scene lovely? I’m sure you appreciate the view,”
Hao’s eyes followed the driver’s finger, and he was greeted with the soft cherry blossoms falling from dozens of trees. It was something Hao had only seen in pictures on Instagram.
The pinks looked picturesque, and he couldn’t come up with a better word for it. As though an artist carefully painted each petal with love and care.
Hao’s mouth went agape. It has been so long since spring has been appealing towards Hao. Perhaps, he could see it with his boyfriend one day this spring. Hao blushed furiously at the sheer thought.
“Ah… we’re here. But one more thing,” he parked at the front of the apartment.. Hao looked at the driver in confusion. “Discharge from the hospital… that’s a fresh start for you. Things have changed since you got admitted…”
Hao stared at him with an eyebrow raised, but he didn’t cut him off. “But I believe that you’ll have a happy life ahead. Happily married to someone who loves you and would die for you, and much success to you,” he handed over a sweet to Hao.
“Much wishes to you,” the driver unlocked the door for Hao, and waved him goodbye. Hao stared at the car driving away.
But, what did he mean by that? Hao shrugged before entering the apartment building. Finally, he got to his apartment. The one he had spent so much time on. Apartment 820.
His boyfriend, his Jaesong will surely be so shocked to see him and-
He paused, staring at the shoes in front of him. Weird, there were high heels he was sure belonged to Min-young. The specific shade of red heels she loved to rave about. But it made sense. The two closest to him find comfort in one another.
His mouth twitched up into a smile once more. Yes, he could surprise the two most important people in his life-
“Jaesongie~ Do you reckon we could get insurance money from Hao? He’s been in the hospital for a while… I’m sure he has no chance of surviving,” that sweet voice, it could only belong to Min-young. The sheets rustled slightly.
What an honour it was.
What? His mind tried to think of a positive explanation to why she said that. A silver lining to his situation perhaps?
His pleas and delusion were just comfort to the situation he landed himself in. He wanted to believe that they were just comforting each other.
“Ugh, I hope so. There’s no way he’s getting discharged. I only paid for his treatment out of sympathy,” a male voice groaned. It seemed like…
Oh.
Hao stood in the doorway. He breathed out, in disbelief at the sheer thought of his very boyfriend of 3 years cheating on him with his best friend of even longer. He didn’t even want to move from his spot. He didn’t want to confront them, or tell them how much of a fucking bastard they are for doing this while Hao was suffering from a condition, that could’ve be fatal to him.
Fuck was he that unlovable? Was he so unlovable until his own boyfriend decided to go for his best friend instead. Out of all the people, his best friend! Are they out of their minds?
He turned his back on the apartment, and silently walked out of the door. Wow, he couldn’t believe it. He tried to laugh it off, but the horrible gut feeling didn’t go off. His throat was still stuck, his head rang noisily.
He fished out his phone, trying to type in his inherited house in the taxi app. Hao, at first wanted to sell it as soon as possible, for a proper house with Jaesong, or to propose to him. Goodness, he wanted to marry him. Tears collected in Hao’s eyes.
He collapsed on a bench nearby while waiting for the taxi to arrive, face miserable and petals falling like laughter in his face.
Now, the apartment seemed like the only form of solace for him. The last thing of his grandparents.
—
Hao was now standing in front of Apartment 613, changing the passcode to his door, and trying not to break down until he was at least changed into something that wasn’t hospital wear (because he had to admit it was uncomfortable for him) and lying in his bed, blasting some old school breakup song.
At first, he wanted to text Jaesong a whole paragraph about what a terrible person he was for cheating on Hao with his best friend of all people! And then, text Min-young for being a backstabbing bitch for going out with his(!) boyfriend.
Instead, he contacted his company.
“I’m able to report back to work this coming Monday. Yes, I’ve been discharged. I’m doing quite well. No, I’m not overworking myself. Are there any changes to the department? A few new interns? No problem. I’ll see you on Monday then. Goodnight,”
he hung up and crashed back into bed. Well, at least his job didn’t change much. He took out the sweet he had gotten from the kind driver, and let it rest in his palm.
He laughed bitterly, hah… he guessed the driver was correct. Indeed, a lot has changed to his relationships, to the people he thought he once knew.
He stared at it for a moment. He might as well eat it or something.
The flavour was sweet, but not something you’d get sick of in 10 seconds. It was something your grandparents would give you when you visited them.
He choked up a little, burying his face in his pillow. He had to go shopping for office wear again, he had to stock this place up with food, and he also had to find some way to get his life back into his hands again.
This was exhausting, finding his footing back in the world. All he wanted to do was curl up in his bed, and escape for one night. One night.
His eyelids grew heavier at the thought. Yeah… he deserved one night.
One night, and he’ll untangle the mess that is his life.
—
Monday morning, at 6am, Hao was rudely awoken by his phone alarm blaring in his ears, signalling the ever devastating day of returning back to office after his medical leave.
He groaned sitting up. He probably had bed hair from the very good sleep he had last night. Finally, he dragged himself out to get ready.
It was unfamiliar to him, buttoning up the dress shirt he hadn’t worn in years, fixing his hair to be a little more presentable when he never bothered to for so long.
He felt uncomfortable. This was Zhang Hao who was ambitious, had dreams and was respected deeply in the office. Except he aged a bit, jawline sharper and eyes older. It was definitely a stark difference from the cadaverous look he had whilst in the hospital.
He had to peel his eyes away from his reflection in the mirror. He stared at the barely unpacked things in his apartment. Right, maybe he should go shopping during the weekend.
That was a problem for another time, he thought as he shoved his laptop and whatever he thought he would need for work in his bag, before walking out the door, with a bundle of nerves stirring in him.
The office building was just as pristine as it was when Hao had worked here those years ago, the floors still made the same clicking noises, and everyone was drenched in colognes and perfumes that didn’t really make them more professional.
Floor 12, Marketing Department. Hao repeated that like a mantra in his head.
Floor 12, Marketing Department, cubicle 25.
Floor 12, Marketing Department, cubi-
“Hao, you were discharged and didn’t tell me?” A distant voice shrieked when he reached his desk. Right, he forgot.
Min-young was standing there, office wear neat and presentable and wearing those stupid, red high heels.
Jaesong looked the same, the same as when he first fell in love with him. And it made Hao want to throw up.
“Hao, baby, why didn’t you tell me,” Jaesong asked, gently caressing his cheek. Hao genuinely wanted to scream at him, curse him out, and punch him in the face. But he played along, for now.
Until he could figure out a proper way to make him regret all of his decisions and regret being born, he would play along.
“Sorry honeybee, I wanted it to be a surprise,” he smiled apologetically, turning to organise the desk he hadn’t seen in forever.
Jaesong turned Hao’s face again, probably expecting something else, with the way his eyebrow lifted in expectation.
Hao gently pecked his lips, and already had an unpleasant acidic taste in his mouth. Jaesong smiled in satisfaction, raking his hands through Hao’s styled hair and wishing him a good first day back.
Great, he spent 15 minutes on his hair today. He sighed, taking out his laptop and logging in to his email.
He received a message from Min-young, congratulating on his recovery, and how much she had missed him. Great, he laughed. She had definitely missed him.
He checked on the amount of projects the company had worked on since the last time he was here. Around 4, and they had done… alright, enough to keep the company at its prestigious reputation, but not enough to out-do its rivals.
He hummed, it had been so long since he had contributed his ideas, he felt he was brimming with it. He jotted some down on his laptop, before switching to his inbox, having to reply to some emails that had just come in.
It was a routine that felt like muscle memory and it gave him a sense of stability in his life. It seems like things such as his job didn’t change that much. He was glad for it.
Min-young pasted a sticky note on his cubicle wall. ‘Do you want to grab some chicken feet after work?? drinks on me !! xx’
He stared at it for a long moment, before deciding to ignore it for the time being.
He was busy, Min-young could wait. She was waiting for his death beforehand anyways. She could wait to eat fucking chicken feet.
“Mr Zhang,” a smooth voice called out. Why does the whole world want his attention when he's trying to work? He turned around, absolutely ready to fake a smile and reply sarcastically.
“Hey, I missed ya,” the voice was holding two cups of iced americanos, and was smirking.
“Mr Seok?” Hao could feel all the wit die in his throat. Matthew nodded, eyes crinkling slightly.
“Hope you’re fine now Mr Zhang. Sorry I didn’t visit, reckon you wanted the rest and the solitude,” he placed the drink on his desk, an offer.
“Yeah, I’m fine. How have you been? I see you dyed your hair too,” he noticed the black hair had turned brunette
“Ah, you noticed? Guess distance makes the heart grow fonder,” he joked, before continuing, “when you were gone I had to be the one taking your workload, and honestly? I don’t know how we function without you,” he sighed, brushing his hands through his hair.
Hao cocked his head in confusion, but Matthew continued to ramble on. “Like, seriously! I finally managed to book a vacation to Italy with my family for a week or two. And when I came back? I had to solve like the 20 problems they somehow managed to create,”
Hao laughed, “but you’re doing just fine! Look at you,”
Matthew shook his head, “I’m still so glad you’re back. I felt terrible not having someone to gossip with in the office,”
Huh, so it seems like there was someone who had felt the absence of him. But he had no time to think about the fact. He saved that for later.
“Oh! I’m probably distracting you from work. How about we have lunch later? At the cafeteria?” Matthew offered. Hao really wanted to say yes, but he had something brewing in his mind.
“Sorry Mr Seok, I’m gonna have lunch with Ms Lee and Mr Nam,” he smiled sadly, “I’ll be happy to take you up on your offer tomorrow though,”
Matthew’s mouth was the same of an ‘O’.
“Right! Your boyfriend was Jaesong. Sure, have a good first day Mr Zhang! Oh, and… hope you like the coffee,” he smiled and waved, before walking off. Hao could see the slight bounce in his step, and couldn’t help but laugh.
Truly, Matthew was sunshine personified.
Min-young appeared from behind her cubicle. “Soo, you’re eating with us?” he asked in her usual excited tone.
Hao feigned a smile, nodding, before returning to his work.
“Hmm… you think I should invite Jaesong to eat with us too?”
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that? He’s my boyfriend after all,” he raised an eyebrow, eyes sharpening in suspicion. Min-young laughed nervously.
“Come on… he’s my friend too!”
Hao shook his head, “Do whatever you want. I really need to focus on my work,”
Min-young stared at him for a moment, eyes laced with hurt at how sharp Hao’s words were, before slowly returning to her laptop. Keys clicking a moment later.
Goodness, how was he supposed to survive today? Hao felt like running.
—
Alas, it was the bane of Hao’s existence. Lunch break.
Min-young was impatiently waiting for him, tapping her high heels against the smooth floor. It irritated him.
“Hao! Come on, I heard they were serving jokbal today,” she chirped, grabbing Hao by the hand before pulling him away to the cafeteria.
“Ah, what about Jaesong?” he asked, slightly out of breath at the sheer speed Min-young was going at.
“Oh, you! So hopelessly in love with Jaesong… he’s already waiting for us!” she smiled, “come on, I’m sure he reserved a table for us already!”
Min-young wasn’t lying, it was indeed Jokbal that day. She decided to add extra to Hao’s tray, despite his refusal, and walked off, maybe too smug.
Hao tried to bite back his sarcasm when finally settling down his tray on the table Jaesong had lovingly reserved for them.
He stared at Hao’s tray in amazement, “woah! Hao, darling, are you actually going to eat all of that? You might want to maintain some form of diet you know?”
Hao audibly scoffed, “I don’t know. I miss actual, good food that isn’t hospital food. I wished you would’ve brought something for me,” he smiled thinly at how wide Jaesong’s eyes had become, as though he was guilty.
“I- I was busy! Paying for your medical bills! It’s not cheap, you know!” he spluttered. Hao laughed dryly, “Of course it’s not cheap. I was just joking anyways,” he took a mouthful of rice, cutting the conversation.
Min-young, who had been silent until now, spoke up, “Oh! Hao… you must’ve been so lonely at the hospital… I hope you know me and Jaesong felt the same way,” she cried, placing a hand on her chest.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” he shrugged, “what have you two been doing anyways? I hadn’t heard much about anything,” he asked, casually stuffing Jokbal in his face.
Min-young and Jaesong, had simultaneously choked on their food. Jaesong smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “I was just working… all those projects that the manager is giving us are basically impossible,” he shook his head.
Min-young, on the other hand, adjusted her already straight necklace and cuffs, “Well, you know… same as Jaesong,”
Hao raised an eyebrow, “nothing interesting happened for 2 years?”
“No!” Both of them said at the same time, and immediately regretted it.
Hao laughed, he didn’t know if it was out of amusement or plain disbelief. “Guess you two became twins when I was gone huh? No matter. Come on, we only have 20 more minutes for lunch,” he smirked, and picked up his chopsticks to finish up the radish on his plate.
At least he knew they couldn’t lie for shit. Makes everything slightly easier for him. He stood up to return his tray, eyes drifting over the other two, who were softly giggling with each other the moment he left.
Jaesong moved to wipe excess food off of Min-young’s face and gently fixed her bangs.
His heart squeezed in pain. So he guessed they were made for each other. Hao tried to ignore the lingering breathlessness in his chest and basically darted for the elevator, even ignoring Matthew who tried to say hi.
He pressed his back against the cold metal. No, he couldn’t break down, or scream or do anything. It was his first day back at the office, he would look insane and someone would have to admit him again.
The elevator doors opened, and the office was still empty. Well, except for one desk. But then again, was he expecting him out of it?
Sung Hanbin, Manager for the marketing department. Constantly working, and never leaves his desk. (Note: Mr Sung is also one year younger than him)
He quietly bowed towards Han… Mr Sung when they made eye contact before returning back to his desk, sighing at the screen in front of him. Just 5 more hours until he could end his work. He’s strong.
Jaesong entered soon after, Min-young trailing behind him. For some reason, he looked only slightly, perhaps very pissed.
“Hao,” he glared, “what the fuck were those questions?”
Hao cocked his head in confusion, “what do you mean? I was sure those are just normal questions,”
Jaesong scoffed, “no, I already told you I was working the whole time you were gone but you just pressed on it. What’s your fucking problem,”
Hao frowned, “that was for Min-young mainly. If your answer was the same, don't reply then. Goodness, now can I do my work? You’re distracting me Jae,”
Jaesong took a step forward, hand reaching out to grab him by the wrist. His eyes darkened, “what did you just say to me?” He looked, in Hao’s opinion, terrifying.
He swallowed down his fear, “you’re distracting me Jae. I can’t fall behind my first day back,” he snatched his arm behind him.
This is it. He’s going to get publicly humiliated all because he was asking too many questions to him. Why did he do that again?
He squeezed his eyes shut, bracing for the impact, when he heard a distinct voice cut through the murmurs.
“Mr. Nam, what are you doing?” Hanbin’s voice echoed throughout the office. Jaesong immediately took his hand back, trying to act natural.
“N-nothing! I was just checking in with my boyfriend Mr Sung,” he bowed apologetically.
“I don’t think grabbing him means checking in Mr Nam. Remember we are in the office, and Mr Zhang had just returned back from a medical leave. He is doing his best to catch up,” he stood up, arms crossed, face serious.
“Do not stress him out further with useless arguing Mr Nam. Head back to work. I do not want any whispers about him,” he nodded towards Hao, who smiled gratefully, before settling back at his desk, typing away.
Hao himself had returned to his own computer screen. Well, isn’t Mr Sung nice? He had stood up for Hao, but maybe that’s also because of workplace harassment.
He reviewed documents, printed proposals, and wrote reports, normal office work that he had frankly, not missed. At long last, it was finally 5.30pm, and he could start to pack his things, and head home.
“Ah, Mr Zhang, I’d like to speak with you,” he turned his chair behind, to come face-to-face with Hanbin, or well, Mr Sung.
Hao nodded, and followed him into his office. It was pristine and neat, like it was never touched before. Hao had been in his office before, to hand up proposals, and not once has it changed. It creeped him out a little.
He awkwardly sat across from him, when Mr Sung asked, “Are you alright?”
”Oh, uh, yeah I am. The doctor said that I was healthy, but I might experience some breathing issues when running which, I don’t think is a problem?” He replied nervously, fingers fiddling with each other beneath the desk.
Mr Sung frowned, “I’m glad you’re doing alright health-wise. I have to admit, a lot of people were worried about you, myself included. But I was talking about earlier, are you okay?”
Hao didn’t think he would ask about that honestly. He looked like someone who minded his own business, and just worked, wait, is that shallow? It’s not like he knew him personally…
“I’m… I’m okay. I just have no clue why he made such a fuss of it all,” he leaned back, and crossed his arms, slightly pouting. Mr Sung seemed to hear the lingering sadness in his tone, and hesitated.
“That is something that is to be resolved between you two. Please do keep your relationship, and any arguments a private matter,” he finally said, clearing his throat uncomfortably.
What did Hao expect from his boss again? Empathy? Maybe a shoulder to cry on? He didn’t know. Hao internally screamed at himself.
He nodded, muttering an apology before standing up, “I should go home now…thank you for your concern. Have a good evening,” he was about to walk out, when Mr Sung called him again. He turned once more, an expression of consternation painted on Mr Sung’s face.
“I… I’m happy you’re back in office, Mr Zhang,” he tried to smile politely, but it just seemed silly.
Hao smiled back at him, “I’m very happy to be back in office too, Mr Sung. Have a good evening,” and finally walked out of his office. A strange, fuzzy feeling encapsulated him. How odd.
It had been only one day, one working day, and he was already reminded by two people that his presence was greatly missed. The feeling is kinder in his heart.
He took out his phone, to a message from Jaesong, as well as Min-young.
+82 XXXX XXXX
Jaesongie <3
Hey, Hao-yah
Maybe I was a little harsh just now, but you were being a little bitchy too.
Hiding behind that manager is a low blow too
But I still care for you I guess… What about chimaek after work on Friday? My treat.
Reply at least would you?
+82 XXXX XXXX
Min-youngie!
Haooo I’m so sorry I can’t eat today with you… something came up at home, you understand?
How about we eat together this Friday? I’ll pay~
Great, now they both wanted to see him this Friday. Guess they were soulmates, he thought bitterly.
It’s fine. He’d reply tomorrow. Right now, he has a date with himself that involves takeout food and maybe a whiteboard. Most definitely with rock music.
—
So, he’s basically getting cheated on in all ways possible, alongside his best friend since university too.
What a revelation to have on a Monday evening.
They acted normal for the most part, but they aren’t able to lie properly under pressure. Hao thinks for a moment, writing it down.
Jaesong gets more aggressive when pressured or threatened, Hao knows that much. And plus, he’s a little scared of already breaking up with him. He’d be called crazy that’s for sure.
Min-young is more avoidant, more emotional. But she knows what she’s doing. And Hao hadn’t realised it before, how persuasive she can be.
Hao didn’t take a research degree for no reason. He had to make a hypothesis, do tests with clear data and variables and write a report and-
He grabbed his phone again to reply to the messages he received earlier.
+82 XXXX XXXX
How about you, Min-young and I get dinner after work? Don’t worry about the bill, it’ll be my treat. We haven’t hung out in a while
He had also received a call from an unknown person, who had turned out to be Matthew.
“Don’t ask about my sources Mr Zhang, we have more important issues to worry about,” he grinned through the phone.
“Just call me Hao, Mr Seok,” he sighed with a smile.
“Then call me Matthew! Or Matt, anything you want. Anyways, what happened just now? Are you alright? You basically ran past me,”
Hao’s fingers twitched, and he felt a small lump form. Right, everyone seemed to be worried for him after what happened. But Matthew… is someone who is kind. Would he judge him?
“I… I don’t think…” he trailed off.
“Hey,” Matthew said softly, “you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I just asked cause I’m worried,”
“No! I just…” Hao sighed, “it’s easier to explain everything in person just, we’re eating together tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah! You promised me,”
“Then, I’ll tell you tomorrow. I swear. You can even remind me if I happened to forget, though I doubt it,” Hao promised.
“If you’re sure that you’re comfortable telling me then, of course! I was going to invite my friends along but I don’t mind eating alone with you,”
Hao smiled into his phone, “I’d be happy to meet your friends some other time. Thanks Matthew, I appreciate your concern,”
“Of course! I’m really curious now, I might not be able to sleep at night,” he joked, “but I’m sure you’re feeling tired. Work is a terrible cruelty bestowed upon us after all,”
“Right, of course. Goodnight then Matthew, I’ll see you tomorrow,”
“Night, Hao!”
The call ended, and Hao crashed back into his bed, the sheets enveloping him in a hug, which was much needed after almost getting beaten up by his own boyfriend.
He went on his phone again, and decided to stalk Matthew on Instagram, because who doesn’t do that when they make a new friend?
He liked the story of the morning coffee Matthew had bought with the caption ‘for returning coworker !’ and clicked through his lunch with a tagged office worker Hao thinks was from the IT department, and a dinner with a person he didn’t recognise.
Perhaps he was new, and in a different department, Hao concluded while now looking at Matthew with the same guy from dinner, holding two glasses of wine. His smile was real and genuine, it made Hao’s curl up too.
Matthew lived a polar opposite life from him, at least he inferred so from his social media. Yet, he still wanted to understand Hao and his world.
Hao clicked through more and more stories, from Highschool classmates to University project partners until he clicked on an Instagram story of Min-young out and about partying at some club in Itaewon. What a family emergency, he scoffed.
Come to think of it, she had always done this with Hao. Bailing on him while making up an excuse about her family and then going out to drink and goodness knows what. It was pathetic for both him and her.
At the end of the day, he was stuck explaining kindly to professors and bosses that she was unwell and didn’t have the energy to even call in sick.
He threw his phone beside him again, and closed his eyes. He was blind to this, blind to it all. How could he have been so stupid to not see the blaring signs they had given him all this while?
Before he knew it, tears pooled in his eyes, as he firmly tried to not recall the times Min-young generously bought extra snacks every time Hao stayed up late.
It’s fine, he repeated in his head, blinking the tears away. He’ll just change. He will get new, better friends, be successful and maybe marry a good man. That must be his ending.
And he will make it his ending, he isn’t going to sacrifice this for anyone else.