Chapter Text
“Rocky have request for Grace, statement.”
They were 14 months into their journey to Erid. Grace had little ‘Human food’ left, which he saved for ‘special occasions’, and was living off of coma slurry rations and taumoeba sprinkles, trying to enjoy what time he had left with Rocky, before his health began to decline from a period of long, painful malnutrition, starvation, and losing his fudging mind. Rocky had just woken up from a post-inventing nap, whilst Grace was completing a sudoku out of a recently discovered puzzle book.
“A request? I don’t know… Grace busy with numbers right now, Rocks.” He teased, frowning when Rocky made no sign of protest. “What’s up, buddy?” He budged over on his bed, and patted the space beside him for Rocky to sit down.
“Rocky had idea.” His notes unusually small and quiet as he climbed onto Grace’s bed. “Rocky wants Grace to give Blip-A Eridians Human names.”
Grace’s breaths caught in his throat. Rocky’s crew… Excluding questions about radiation, Rocky hadn’t mentioned them since telling Grace that all twenty two of them were dead. Sure, there were times Grace had wanted to ask, but he’d always chosen not to press, worried about the mental and emotional distress it would cause Rocky to remember what happened to them.
“Of course, Rocky.” He murmured, gently running his hand over Rocky’s carapace. “I would be honoured to give your crew-members Human names. Would you like to tell me about them?”
Rocky remained silent. Grace continued to gently stroke his carapace, until his friend was ready to begin. “Commander ancient Eridian. Very old. Rocky think… around 610 Earth years old. Very wise. Very patient. Leader to all.” He revealed, quiet and slow. “Commander sang with low tone; steady rhythm of the thrum. Wanted to go to Tau Ceti for one last adventure, Commander say. Leave retirement and pebbles of pebbles of pebbles to go. Mate already dead, Commander say nothing to lose. Fell asleep in private, personal nest, away from other Eridians. Their Second in Command watched for days and days and days, until Pilot made them stop stop stop. Died first. Other Eridians say old age. Journey continued with Second in Command as new mission leader. Crew-members very sad but understand die anyway if star die.”
“Oh, Rocky.” Grace frowned, his hand still rubbing gentle circles into Rocky’s carapace as his other hand reached out to squeeze his nearest arm. “I am so sorry.”
“If scientists knew Commander die of radiation, scientists could have saved all crew-members from radiation. Crew-members would still be alive.” He mumbled.
“They couldn’t have known.” Grace squeezed his arm harder, hoping it would provide some sort of comfort. “It was no one’s fault. It was an accident. A tragedy. They didn’t know.”
“Sad sad sad.” Rocky mumbled back. “Wish Eridians knew about radiation. 🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎶🎶🎶🎵🎵🎵🎵 die for nothing.”
“Pike.” Grace murmured back. “After Captain Christopher Pike, Commander of the USS Enterprise. That’s their Human name.”
Rocky fell silent.
“You can say no.” Grace added, his frown deepening with the more time that Rocky didn’t chirp back. “I’ll think of another Human name, if you want, Rocks. It’s your pick. It was your friend. You choose.”
“Pike good name.” Rocky finally replied. “Rocky just…”
“I know, pal, it’s okay. There’s no rush.” Grace tried to reassure him. “Take all the time you need.”
“Rocky sorry. Rocky ask Grace for—“
“—Hey, hey, buddy, there’s nothing to be sorry about, okay?” Grace cut him off with a worried expression. “If it’s too much for you, we can do this again tomorrow, or next week, or whenever you’re ready. It’s no pressure, no rush, I know it’s hard, I know, I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay.”
The two of them sat in silence for almost five minutes.
“Second in Command very annoying.”
Grace had to hold back a started laugh.
“Ran around ship. Bossy. Bossy. Bossy. Work. Work. Work. Always moving. Always singing. Never stop.” Rocky continued. “Scientists hide from Second in Command to have break. Second in Command still find them. Make them work. Bossy. Bossy. Bossy.”
“Huh, that sounds like an Eridian I know.” Grace teased.
Rocky huffed. “Not funny. Rocky not that bossy.”
“Sure you aren’t, bud.” Grace patted his carapace with a teasing smile.
“Rocky wants Grace to name Second in Command after bossiest human, command.” He huffed back.
“Aw, that’s not very nice, Rocky. Don’t you want your Second in Command to have a nice name?”
“No.” He sounded like a child. “Second in Command bossy.”
Grace sighed. “What about Alaric? That means ruler of all. Or Drew for their strength and courage?” Grace offered. “Maybe even Victor or Victoria? Aubrey or Jordan? Matilda? Alex? Valerie? Magnus?”
“No, no, no.” Rocky waved an arm at him. “Grace not give good names for Second in Command.”
“I’m sorry, pal, but there’s no human name that means ‘bossy’.” Grace sighed. “I think we should call them Emmeline. It can mean work, industrious, vigorous, and brave, so they can be remembered as someone always working and always brave, but you can tell everyone that it means, bossy, alright pal?”
Rocky thought for moment. “Fine. Grace win. Emmeline not bossy enough, but still good Human name.”
Grace laughed. “Alright, pal. Glad it’s still good enough for your high standards.” He teased. “Who’s next?”
“The three pilots were family. Parent and two siblings. All specialist Eridians in sky-travel. Three pilots even related to first ever sky-travel engineers. All very good pilots. All destined to fly. First Pilot, the parent, sick first. Rocky found out First Pilot sick after Pike die, but may have been sick before. Co-pilots took over more and more and more of First Pilot’s duties. Told First Pilot to rest.”
“That must have been scary for their kids.” Grace murmured, squeezing Rocky’s arm again.
“Co-pilots very scared.” Rocky agreed. “Scared. Scared. Scared. After parent die, Pilots stay on flight deck together. One sleep. One fly. Switch over and repeat. Never talk to other crew-members. Just each other. Rocky could still hear their songs of scared-pain-mourning from engineering.”
“That’s horrible.” Grace’s insides twisted as he imagined those poor pilots. “How long did they watch, before…”
“Long long long time watch parent sleep.” Rocky replied. “In denial. Had to be pushed away. First Pilot die in pilot family nest, but Co-pilots die on flight deck. One crew-member went up to see why ship was drifting weird, and Pilots were all… were all gone.”
Grace gulped. “The first Humans to invent powered, sustained, and controlled airplane flight on Earth were called the Wright brothers. Orville Wright and Wilbur Wright. They designed a way to steer while they were in the air. It was a massive advancement at the time.” He explained slowly. “In Star Trek, Tom Paris was the first person to break the transwarp barrier and achieve Warp 10 in a standard shuttlecraft, co-designed and helped built the Delta Flyer shufflecraft, and could manoeuvre around hazards like no one else could at the time. He was a bit of an annoying jerk, but he grew on me. He became a better man, a loving husband, a father…”
“Paris, Orville, and Wilbur.” Rocky spoke up.
“Yeah?” Grace raised an eyebrow. “‘You like the names?”
“Yes. Paris, Orville, and Wilbur. The pilots.”
“Alright then.” Grace patted Rocky’s carapace. “So we have Pike, Emmeline, Paris, Orville, and Wilbur — Who’s next?”
“Craftsmen.” Rocky chirped back. “Two craftsmen on Blip-A for milling and moulding mission materials. Crafting workshop not protected by astrophage. Sad. Sad. Sad.”
“Very sad.” Grace agreed.
“Sad. Sad. Sad.” Rocky repeated. “Craftsmen always kind to Rocky even when Rocky annoy, annoy, annoy.”
“Aw, buddy, I’m sure you weren’t that annoying.” Grace tried to reassure him, making a mental note to limit how many times he called Rocky ‘annoying’ during the rest of their journey. “Do you have any suggestions for what we should call them?”
“Human names rhyme, question?”
“Yeah, sure, buddy.” Grace patted Rocky’s carapace. “We can make their names rhyme. Hmmmm… How about Mason and Grayson? Lace and Mace? Weave and Eve? Thread and Fred? Ignore me, I’m just being stupid now, I’ll think of something bet—“
“—No, no, Grace good at human names. Not stupid.” Rocky waved an arm at him. “Thread and Weave sound pretty in Eridian notes.”
“Oh, those were in different rhyming duos, bud. If you want the names to rhyme—“
“—No, no, Rocky like Thread and Weave.” Rocky cut him off for the second time. “Almost rhyme in notes. Sound good together.”
“I can think of some more if you want?” Grace offered. “You don’t have to decide now—“
“—No. Thread and Weave. Rocky like.”
Grace chuckled, running a hand through his hair, as he shook his head. “Alright, pal. Thread and Weave. Got it. Who’s next?”
Rocky stilled.
“Do you need a break?” Grace asked, softy. “It’s okay if you do. I know you’re probably tired of me saying that, but I know how hard this must be for you, and I don’t like seeing my best friend hurt.”
Silence.
Not wanting to push him too far and too soon, Grace let Rocky have a moment to himself, and continued with his sudoku.
Rocky had been alone for 46 Earth years. If he lived a full and healthy life for an Eridian, it would probably only account for about 6.68% of his life — a stark contrast to 62% of an expected human’s life — but who was Grace to know the psychological damage it would have done to Rocky? He kept the Blip-A, a ship meant to be ran by 23 Eridians, running on his own for 46 years. He scampered around that ship, mourning the paralysed corpses of his crew-members, for 46 years. A human left alone for that long would have gone insane. It must have been terrifying for him.
Eridians didn’t dream, they couldn’t relive their trauma through nightmares, but what about flashbacks? Could Rocky have them? Had he experienced one already? Would Grace even know what an Eridian having a flashback would look like? What were the physical signs? The mental? What if he’d been suffering through them on the Hail Mary this entire time, and Grace just hadn’t noticed?
Guilt bubbled in his gut. Rocky didn’t have a Human brain, but that didn’t stop him from developing PTSD. PTSD that Grace had somewhat ignored the entire time he’d known him. PTSD that had no treatment because Grace knew nothing about Eridian psychology, knew nothing about Eridian health, knew nothing about Eridian typical behaviours — he assumed Rocky was the norm for his species, but what if they arrived on Erid, and Rocky was nothing of the sort? For all Grace knew, Rocky was an unusual, atypical anomaly of his species that they chose to go on the mission just to get rid of!
“Rocky was only third engineer.” He admitted. Around 8 Earth minutes had passed since he’d last spoke. “First engineer and second engineer more important than Rocky. Older. Smarter. Responsible. Rocky shielded by astrophage because Rocky not trusted to do difficult tasks. Rocky least qualified on ship. Rocky not realise why crew-members dying. Rocky stupid, stupid, stupid. Least valuable engineer. Least valuable crew-member. Ship breaking. Rocky try to fix. Ship keeps breaking. Rocky tries to fix. Ship breaks even more. Rocky fail to fix. Rocky all alone and useless and stupid, stupid, stupid. First engineer would have fixed. First engineer more qualified to fix. Second engineer would have fixed. Second engineer more qualified to fix. Rocky try to fix astrophage problem. Rocky try so many times. Rocky fail so many times. Not good at science, just repair, but fail at repair, too. Not navigator or pilot. Could not leave. Stranded and alone. Lost, lost, lost, and useless, useless, useless. Other engineers would have fixed. Other engineers better than Rocky. Better better better than Rocky. Other engineers should have lived. Other engineers should have been protected by astrophage. Make more sense for Rocky to get radiation sickness and—“
“No!” Grace snapped, slamming his puzzle book shut, and grabbing Rocky’s carapace with both hands. “No! No! No! You listen to me right now, Rocks! Don’t ever, ever, speak about yourself like that again! Don’t ever claim you should have been the one to die never, ever, again, do you understand? Don’t you fudging dare!” He was crying. He was leaking already and there were no signs that the tears would ever stop. “You are a brilliant engineer! You are so smart! You are strong and brave and the saviour of Earth and Erid! You did your best and you never gave up! You are not stupid! You are not useless! You were on that mission for a reason! You were valuable! You were qualified! You were smart, smart, smart, and important, important, important! Rocky brave, brave, brave, and smart, smart, smart, and good, good, good!” Grace cried, wrapping his arms around Rocky in a tight, desperate hug. “I love you so much, Rocky! I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else! I love you! I love you! I love you!”
“Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” Rocky whined. “Didn’t mean to hurt Grace! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Rocky love Grace, too! Rocky love love love cherished clustermate best friend saviour Grace!” He trembled in Grace’s arms.
“Don’t be sorry.” Grace feared Rocky would disappear if he let go. “Don’t be sorry, pal, I’m okay, you’re okay; we’re okay. Grace is just a silly disgusting leaky space blob. Grace just loves Rocky so so so much and Grace worry when Rocky says Rocky is stupid, stupid, stupid. Grace doesn’t want Rocky to talk about himself like that ever again.”
“Rocky sorry for worrying Grace. Rocky love Grace, too. Rocky won’t call Rocky stupid, stupid, stupid when with Grace.”
Grace pressed his head against Rocky’s protective xenonite layer, not caring how wet he got his suit with his tears, as he listened to his own chest heave for breaths. “Do you think about it often? About getting sick from the radiation?” He forced out, pained. “About dying?”
Rocky was silent.
“Rocky, please.” Grace sobbed. “Tell me it’s not true.”
It was all his fault. He’d ignored Rocky’s mental health, assumed Rocky would talk to him when he was ready; assumed Rocky was fine. What if he was depressed? Suicidal? God. What if— What if Rocky was suicidal? It would tear Grace apart. He was supposed to be the mentally fudged one — not Rocky! Not his Rocky! Never his Rocky!
“Rocky think about radiation but Rocky happy happy happy to be with Grace and happy happy happy to come home to Erid and happy happy happy to see beloved mate Adrian again. Rocky never alone to die with cherished best friend saviour Grace.” He finally chirped back.
Right. Okay. So he didn’t want to die? That was good, right? That was good. He just thought about radiation a lot, which Grace already knew from the constant questions and computer searches. Rocky was fine. Rocky was going to live. Rocky was going to be okay. He was just guilty and mourning and still blamed himself for what happened. That was normal. It was normal. Grace would be able to help him with that.
“Grace is happy, happy, happy to be with Rocky, too, pal.” He sniffled, pulling away with wipe his tears on his sleeves.
Rocky whined, his chords clashing wordlessly, as he nudged Grace’s side.
“What’s wrong, Rocks?” Grace panicked. “Talk to me.”
“Grace let go of Rocky!” He whined.
Oh. Grace immediately wrapped his arms around Rocky, again. “I’m sorry, Rocks. I’ve got you. I’m sorry. I’m right here. You’re okay. We’re okay.”
“Rocky wants more Human hug with Grace.” He whimpered — god, Eridians whimper?
“I’m here Rocky.” He sniffled. “I’ve got you. Of course, you can have more Human hugs with Grace.”
If Rocky needed it, he’d never let go.