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"That's it for today. I think we are settled for tomorrows exhibition."
At the leader's final words, the group dispersed and among them Sasana as well. Their dance group will do the opening to a uni event, their first one in front of an audience. Many of them have never experienced the stage, but Sasana gave them good advice. After all, he used to be part of one in his high school days. Now, that just remains in his past. He needs to focus on the now.
"Hey, why don't we go out and eat something? The uni cafe has finally updated their summer menu and I know you want to be there early to check it out."
As Sasana was changing, his teammate as well as roommate interrupted him. His interest was definitely piqued. But...
"I see you're still undecided. It's written all over your face."
The friend puts his index finger on the others forehead, making him flinch slightly.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Oh it is! You've started to show a bit of emotion after all. Well, it can't be helped. I'll report back when I find something worth spending money on."
With the conversation ending, both of them went back to change. As Sasana picked up his phone, he saw a notification - from a special person no less. He hastily dropped everything and looked at it's contents.
It was a picture of Kouga eating ice cream, most likely taken by his father if his very flustered face is anything to go by.
With a chuckle, he replied to him.
S: [Look at who is enjoying himself~]
K: [It was taken against my will, thank you.]
S: [Well as they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure.]
K: [What are you implying this time??]
S: [What I'm saying is that this will be another entry in the folder filled with the cutest things in this world!]
Sasana left it at that for now. Judging by the constant pings, Kouga didn't like that one bit. Sometimes he just knows how to get him going.
As he finishes up, he looks at his messages again. Amongst the many angry replies in succession, the last one stands out to him.
K: [I hope you're also enjoying yourself. You mentioned you're a part of a new dance group right? You better not ghost them or anything just to talk to me.]
The blonde stopped in his tracks. He wanted to get to his dorm as soon as possible so the two can talk. It didn't occur to him how much the other cared about his social life.
He is right about being concerned though. His first few weeks overseas were agony. Not only was it an unfamiliar place, but also one where he couldn't just smile his way through.
This wasn't high school anymore. There are many more diverse people out here and you need to make even more effort to make connections. Not to mention that he was separated from Kouga, whom he spent his most important years with. Times change, that's true, but love doesn't care about that.
In that moment, Sasana got reminded by the offer his roommate gave him. As he was not there anymore, he quickly shot him a message.
S: [Actually I will go after all.]
After getting a reply back, he texts Kouga as well.
S: [Talking about making friends...]
With the afternoon gone by, Sasana finally arrived at his room. At 8pm no less.
It wasn't fruitless though - it contained both fruit and enough whipped cream to give him a sugar rush. He was barely able to finish the parfait on his own, his roommate had to help out. Repayment will be done at another time. Now he just wants to change into more comfortable clothes, get cozy in bed, hug his fave bird plush and imagine its actually Kouga himself.
And he really does make it halfway through. He just needs to check tomorrow's schedule until he realizes Kouga is online at the same time. It confuses the blonde. He never saw him up this late unless they had a "heated discussion".
"Maybe he can't sleep?"
Sasana asks himself, thinking if he should text him. He lays down on his bed, putting his phone next to him and stares at the ceiling. Pondering how he should start, his thoughts go back to his earlier outing.
He doesn't waste any time and sends him the picture he took of the giant parfait. Not even a minute later, a reply.
K: [Are you trying to outdo me?]
S: [Maybe... Your ice looked soooo delicious. I wanted to make you feel a bit jealous.]
K: [Were you even able to eat it all?]
Sasana can't respond for a while. He needs to admit his defeat.
S: [Don't worry! I didn't have a certain someone with me to share with so my roommate had to do.]
K: [Are you now trying to make me jealous by having a friend too? It won't work cause I know you won't pull that move.]
S: [At least I tried.]
He settles into the bed more, pulling his bird plush to his side. It makes for good support when you're texting, he thinks.
S: [Btw, why are you even awake? Any bugs keeping you up~?]
K: [As if! The one from yesterday got out so I didn't need to call for support.]
S: [Is your father your support? You know you should let the older generation rest. You aren't a kid anymore!]
He lets out a small chuckle at his own reply. He knows it will be met with not so nice words.
K: [Picking a fight this late?! You got some nerve.]
S: [It's a joke! I just wanted to lighten the mood.]
K: [Even while overseas you can't stop with your nonsense.]
He can already picture Kouga shaking his head in exasperation.
How does he look like right now though? He did start growing out his hair so maybe it's sprawled out on his cushion. No, he sleeps on his side so maybe it's tied up. How he wishes to simply untie it and go through his silky hair!
What about his clothes? It must be extremely humid so just his tanktop and shorts would complete the looks. Ahh! Then he can picture his strong arms poking through. Kouga did mention he continued his weight training, but hasn't sent any progress pictures. Sasana imagines how they would feel, fake hearts fluttering all over him.
His mind ccomes back to reality after he hears another notification.
K: [Hey! You've stopped responding for a while. Did you fall asleep?]
S: [Ah, I'm sorry! I let my imagination drift too far.]
K: [The last time you did this, you made weird noises. Stop that.]
S: [Can't a withering heart have a little bit fun? I bet you do it too from time to time...]
K: [Well!]
He gets no response for a good while. Kouga must be rewriting his reply over and over. It's cute how he can read him by just the way he types!
K: [I guess...]
Called it.
K: [It's annoying though. It happens at the most unconvenient time.]
S: [Like?]
K: [As if I'm gonna tell you!]
S: [Then I'll share mine!]
S: [Last time I was in this boring class right?]
K: [Please no!]
K: [I don't want to hear it!]
S: [The lesson reminded me of one of our practice hours at the club. I can still remember how sweaty you were afterwards.]
K: [DON'T! PLEASE!]
S: [So I just let myself drift away and let that image burn itself into my eyes.]
S: [I bet you also want to know how I imagined you in great detail.]
Sasana can't contain his laughter, he is really egging him on.
K: [Okay, fine fine! You win! I can tell you.]
S: [You will?!]
K: [I can already tell you're excited. I'm sorry to disappoint you but it doesn't go as wild as yours.]
S: [I didn't expect anything else.]
K: [Anyway! If I had to describe it, it happens only really in bed.]
K: [And you were always next to me, smiling at me.]
Sasana clutches the plushie close to his chest.
K: [I would brush away stray hair, you were still showing me your dumb smile.]
He feels big smile forming on his face.
K: [Then I would slowly trace your arm and end up at your hands.]
He repositions himself, trying to imagine how these touches would feel. Having to both feel and read the texts messes with his immersion. He hufs in annoyance.
S: [Hey, could we maybe make this a call?]
K: [Why? Do you really want to hear me recite this all to you?]
S: [I think it could benefit both of us. That's why you were up this late. You were feeling lonely, right?]
A minute passes before he receives a call.
"And just so we are clear, I won't do this for long. I don't want to wake my father up and make him assume things."
"He literally gave us his blessing, I don't think hearing us like this will change anything."
An angry grunt was all it took to silence Sasana into oblivion.
With a much quieter and gentler tone, Kouga continues to describe his fantasy.
"As I was saying, I would trace your hand with my thumb, slowy moving it towards my lips..."
The blonde puts his phone right next to his ear. He is grateful his roommate isn't around tonight. Closing his eyes, he imagines Kouga next to him and doing the moves as described.
"... and kiss each finger. You would of course laugh because your hands are ticklish. You would then put it on my cheek, call me all sorts of cute names. It really embarasses me, I can't believe that's now a fantasy of mine..."
He can almost feel his round cheeks under his palm. Too bad it's just air.
"...I wanted to shove it away but you kept pestering me. I just let it slide for now..."
Both of them giggle. Sasana can imagine his smiling face so clearly. What if he gets closer? Maybe he will truly be there. He hugs the plushie tighter.
"...For a while we just stare at each other. You were playing with my hair and I put my hand on your shoulder. I really wanted to just..."
There was a pause. Sasana was ready to lean into the imaginary Kouga in his mind, but the pause made him stop. He smiled before he took the reins.
"Hmmmm...What if you wanted a kiss? I know I wouldn't mind at all."
A small gasp comes from the other side. He is right once again.
"Then, I can give you a kiss on the nose first. And then on your forehead. And both of your cheeks as well."
"Wait a second! Slow down will you? And since when were you in charge?"
"I mean, you were imagining me weren't you? Just wanted to make sure you are fully immersed."
Short silence.
"If you really want to make it as immersive you forgot one thing."
"Hm? And that would be?"
"I hate when you delay kissing me on the lips."
He is left baffled. Did he really become so desperate as to ask what he wants directly?
Sasana doesn't hesitate to continue in that direction.
"If you say so. I saved the best for last. Now just close your eyes. I hope you still remember how it feels."
Sasana mimics how they used to kiss back when they were together. They did share a bed from time to time, mostly because there was a bug in Kouga's room. Intimacy was something neither truly addressed. It just happens and none of them complain. He used to joke how they must be soulmates from another life, although Kouga didn't necessarily deny it.
He couldn't either. No wonder it feels as if a limb has been torn off whenever they are apart.
The "kiss" lasts only a few seconds before parting.
"There you go. I hope your wish has been granted."
No response.
"Kouga? Are you still there?"
No response either. Listening more closely, he can hear faint breathing.
Sasana smiles. It seems he fell asleep. No wonder if he is awake at whatever time it is over there.
"Good night. Next time don't wait for me like this. You will only have negative consequences," he says to his sleeping lover, voice faint, knowing he can't hear him.
He ends the call before setting the phone aside.
The blonde looks to his side and sees a vague image of his distant love. He clutches the plushie so hard it hurts. What if he goes to sleep early today? He wouldn't want to worry his new friends with dark circles under his eyes after all.