Chapter Text
I finally got better.
Joy. I could have an attention span.
I could consistently do my favorite things without wanting to rot
Without running out of social battery mid day
Without anxiety
Without crying
Without the motherfuckers who ruined my life
And then I got a notification.
From a random person
i've never seen
ever
I should've blocked them from their fifth sentence
But it felt rude
And
it was only a gut feeling.
When they started talking about being polyamorous
Their sexuality
When they opened up about their mental health
My heart pounded.
My gut knew something was wrong.
I only knew them for an hour.
And they asked about my age.
My heart ripped through my shitty chest and I felt like a dumbass.
I didn't want to tell them I was uncomfortable.
I didn't want to block them
Because then I was like everyone else who treated them like shit.
I was a fucker that put himself first because he was such a dumbass
And then I realize.
I have to put myself first. Even if I kill someone.
I was a victim of someone who hit on me because I was queer.
I blocked them.
And I still feel like no one listens to me.
In my fucking coffin, what will I be?
In my deathbed, what will I be?
In the last times they ever see me, what will I be?
Will I just be a friend?
Will I just be queer?
Will I just be SOMEONE?
Will I be someone
Can I be someone
Can I be treated like someone
can i not be the rose who's killed for having thorns
can i not be the plant being fed human food
can i be important
can i not be a copy
can i be