Work Text:
Woozi POV:
"Oh bloody hell! Why can't this work?" I exclaimed in frustration.
I'd been sitting at the same table for hours with the same set-up and the same song that was miles away from being finished. It was the last one I needed for the new comeback. It should be ready in three days so that we can start with the recordings.
I leaned back in my chair and pushed myself slightly away from the table. It was the same thing every time. It happened pretty much every comeback that I had to work on a song until the last minute, no matter how early I started with the production.
The rest of the album is quite energetic, so I wanted to write a calm song for a change. However, I refuse to write a sad one.
I want a calm, gentle song. One that invites you to sing along by the campfire on a warm summer evening. One that makes you forget the worries and pressures of daily life.
I could picture it clearly in my mind: An evening on the beach, wearing swimming shorts, a T-shirt and a light sweater, sitting on a bath towel in the sand while the sun goes down on the horizon and bathes the sky in a warm orange glow. A campfire in the centre, with the other members sitting around it, soft music would be playing over a speaker, or maybe someone would even have a guitar with them and strum something on it. The laughter of the others would echo in harmony with the sound of the sea.
I imagined exactly what it would be like to feel the warm sand under my hands. How the fire would radiate a pleasant heat onto my face, or how Hoshi would snuggle up to me and lay his head on my shoulder.
Groaning, I ran my hands through my black hair.
"Not again," I sighed exhaustedly.
And here we came to my second problem. For some time now, I've been developing feelings for a certain someone who I just can't get out of my head. I don't know exactly when it started, but I'm not particularly happy about it.
The situation is complicated. Similar to a cat deciding that your lap is the perfect place to sleep, Hoshi has decided to nestle in my heart and not leave.
And similar to the situation with the cat, where you know you have to shoo it away to get up but just can't bring yourself to do it, I just can't bring myself to let Hoshi go.
The easiest thing would probably be to confess my feelings to him and then finally get over him after the expected rejection. But I don't have the courage for that.
I tried to ignore him for a while in the hope that my feelings would go away, but it had the opposite effect. I only missed him more and wished even more to throw myself into his arms and breathe in his scent while listening to his wonderful laughter.
At the moment, I'm in what I call a 'temporary solution'. I don't ignore him, but I try to keep our contact to a minimum.
However, this doesn't really help my mood. I'm more irritable than normal and quite short-tempered, which the others have probably noticed too. They're leaving me pretty much alone at the moment.
Normally, someone always comes to my studio in the evening to drag me home. However, since I've had a pretty bad outburst twice, they've let it go. They probably blamed it on the stress, but that's fine by me.
I sat up straight in my chair again, brushed the strands of hair out of my face and rolled back over to the table, where I stared at the open text document and propped my head up on my hands.
You might think that writing the lyrics for such a quiet song as I envisioned would be relatively easy when you're in love. However, everything that comes out of my typing fingers is rather depressive in mood. The lyrics in front of me are a testament to unrequited love and the constant nervousness of making a wrong move, which would expose the secret for all to see.
And no matter what I try, the text doesn't get any better.
Motiveless, I picked up my cell phone. 'I wonder how long I've been here,' I asked myself.
I stared wide-eyed at the dimmed display.
7:37 am.
I blinked a few times in disbelief. Could this be? Had I really been here all night?
I stared past my cell phone in disbelief. Dance practice would start in a few minutes. Should I skip it?
I dismissed this thought as quickly as it had come. Skipping was out of the question. For one thing, I would then have to give the reason why I couldn't take part today, which would ultimately lead to S.Coups giving me another lecture about how important sleep is. Secondly, we're watching the choreography for the new comeback today, so I absolutely have to be there.
I just have to hope that today won't be too exhausting.
I stood up and stretched while I thought about the best thing to do.
I reached for my backpack next to the table and opened it. Luckily, I had packed a change of clothes yesterday before I came here, just in case I ended up spending the night on the sofa in the studio. It wouldn't have been the first time.
I slung my backpack over my shoulder, shut down the computer, opened the door and stepped outside.
I had to get used to the brightness in the corridor before I made my way to the toilet.
Once there, I quickly changed my clothes, washed my face and brushed my teeth. I then put everything back in my backpack, made sure my hair looked reasonably done and made my way to the practice room.
I opened the door and realized that I was the first one in. Well, that gave me a little more time to prepare for what was sure to be a very long lesson.
I connected my cell phone to the speakers and let some music play while I started to warm up and stretch properly.
I was taking a break and drinking from my water bottle when the others came through the door.
"Good morning," I greeted them.
" Good morning. You weren't home this morning, did you spend the night here?" Jeonghan asked.
"Yes, it had gotten a little late today," I explained briefly, hoping my face didn't give me away, even if it wasn't technically a lie.
I saw S.Coups look at me critically and raise an eyebrow as if to ask me if I was being completely serious. But I guess he decided not to say anything, which was fine by me.
Hoshi came through the door last, and I took another sip from my bottle so I wouldn't be caught staring at him.
It wasn't necessary, though. With a heavy heart, I realized that he didn't give me a single glance. Well, I guess I deserved that...
The others warmed up too and shortly afterwards we started to study the choreography.
I had a lot more problems than usual. I kept forgetting the moves or suddenly found myself in the wrong place without knowing how I got there.
I was also getting out of breath much faster than usual. My head felt exceptionally light, but not in a good way, and the sweat felt very cold. It didn't take much longer for my vision to become blurred.
Suddenly my eyes went black and I halted abruptly. I can't pass out, I thought. But it was just a false alarm. After a few seconds, my vision was as clear as before.
"What was that?" asked Minghao with a raised eyebrow after he paused the music.
"Nothing, I just forgot where we were," I said with a shrug and returned to my starting position.
"Are you sure? You looked like you were about to collapse," Vernon muttered worriedly. I gave him a dirty look that made him flinch.
"For the last time, I'm fine," I said sternly. "Can we continue?"
Jeonghan wanted to say something but was stopped by S.Coups, who whispered something in his ear, but I didn't care.
I looked at my watch. Only half an hour had passed? It felt like two hours to me. I sighed a little but got ready to continue.
"Let's start again!" Mingyu shouted as everyone moved to their starting positions. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hoshi staring straight at me through the mirror.
However, I couldn't really give it much thought as I had to concentrate hard to avoid tripping over my feet.
It wasn't long before my eyes went black again and my head suddenly felt freezing cold. But unlike before, I decided to carry on. I didn't want to interrupt practice again.
However, it wasn't another five seconds before I lost my balance and I felt myself slowly but surely getting closer to the ground and finally landing on something rather soft.
"Jihoon! Stay with me!" I heard Hoshi gasp, who must have caught me.
I felt someone pull off my jacket to make me cool down and put a cool bottle of water against the back of my neck.
I sighed contentedly at the comforting feeling and relaxed a little. Meanwhile, Hoshi positioned my arms and legs in a way that allowed me to lean against him like a koala and rest my head on his shoulders. He ran one hand through my hair while he put the other around my back.
I finally relaxed in his arms. I couldn't run away from the whole situation now anyway. For better or worse, I had to listen to Seungcheol's lecture.
"Do you want some sugar? Or some water? I've also brought a protein bar if you want," Hoshi said and I could hear the concern in his voice.
I tried to say something, but no sound came out, just a quiet, hoarse gasp. My eyes were also getting heavier and heavier and slowly but surely my breathing became calmer.
"Jihoon? Woozi?" I heard Hoshi ask, but it sounded very far away. As if my head was wrapped in cotton wool before darkness enveloped me, making everything around me disappear.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
"Hoshi, calm down. I'm sure he'll wake up soon."
"But what if he doesn't? What if-"
"The doctor said he must have overworked himself. He'll be fine."
I slowly blinked my eyes open. My vision was still blurry, but it quickly became clearer.
I was lying in my bed, but not in my room. But when I took a deep breath, I could already guess whose bed I was in. And when I saw a poster of a tiger on the wall, my suspicions were confirmed.
It was Hoshi's bed.
Next to it were Hoshi, S.Coups and Jeonghan. Hoshi looked pretty upset, while Seungcheol and Jeonghan tried to calm him down.
"What's wrong?" I asked a little hoarsely. I didn't quite understand why Hoshi seemed so upset.
"Oh my God, Woozi!" Hoshi shouted and literally jumped on top of me and hugged me, or rather crushed me under him.
"Air!" I gasped after a while, whereupon he let go of me again. However, he stayed on top of me and continued to hug me.
"Jihoon?" my leader's voice rang out, which made me cringe a little. I guess now is the time for the, admittedly well-deserved, scolding.
"Hmm?" I replied quietly.
He sighed a little and knelt down by my bed.
"How are you?" he asked gently, stroking a loose strand of hair from my forehead.
"Fine, I think. What time do we have?" I asked back.
"It's about half past ten, but you know as well as I do, that that wasn't the answer we wanted to hear," Jeonghan said and also sat down to be at my eye level.
I couldn't suppress it and rolled my eyes a little. Why couldn't they just let it go? I already have enough stress, I should already be back in my studio finishing this goddamn song!
"What do you want to hear from me? I've just overworked myself a bit, you don't have to make such a big deal out of it," I said, a little annoyed. I really had better things to do at the moment.
"We're not making a big deal out of it, it's already gigantic," Seungcheol said firmly. "You fucking collapsed in the middle of a practice session! What would you have done if Hoshi hadn't been so fast and hadn't been able to catch you in time? You could have seriously injured yourself!" he exclaimed.
I was about to say something snappy when Hoshi lifted his head and looked at me sadly.
"Tell us what's going on. We want to help you, I want to help you," he said and sniffled briefly.
His eyes were a little red and only now did I realize that he must have been crying.
I wanted to push him away, to snap at him and tell him to leave me alone, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not when he was staring at me with those eyes.
I didn't know what to say and I didn't even realize how a tear slowly rolled down my cheek until Hoshi brushed it away.
This simple gesture broke the dam completely and I started sobbing uncontrollably.
I hugged Hoshi tightly to me while I let my tears run free. I noticed him trying to get up, whereupon I panicked and hugged him even tighter. I had the feeling that I would go completely mad if I let go of him now.
"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I just want to sit us up so you can breathe better," he said quietly as he ran his fingers through my hair, so I let him do it.
When I was finally clinging to Hoshi again in a similar way to the practice room, I noticed two extra hands running over my back.
I quickly wiped them away with one hand and pressed myself even more tightly against Hoshi. I only wanted him.
My breathing slowly calmed down and my tears stopped one by one. Hoshi's calming movements through my hair always stayed the same, which helped me to calm down immensely.
"Thank you," I whispered when I was sure all the tears were out.
"No problem," Hoshi whispered back.
We stayed in that position for some time without anyone saying anything.
"S.Coups and Jeonghan went out briefly earlier to give you more space. Can you tell me what's going on now?" asked Hoshi gently.
I thought about what I wanted to say for a second.
"I'm just under a lot of stress at the moment. The last song just doesn't want to go anywhere, and it has to be finished the day after tomorrow. I haven't even finished the lyrics yet," I explained briefly.
"But that can't be everything, can it?" asked Hoshi carefully.
"I-... there is this one person that won't leave my mind. I tried to keep my distance to keep my feelings in check, as it would really complicate everything if someone found out", I said quietly. I didn't know what came over me to say something like this. Maybe because my head was still tired from passing out and crying.
I felt Hoshi tensing under me.
"But it isn't good to keep those things all bottled up inside you. Your collapsing was bound to happen. You could have talked to us, to me", he said calmly.
I sighed.
"I guess I was scared. I'm better at sticking to myself than to others", I explained.
"I know and there's nothing wrong with that, but you saw what happened earlier", he pointed out gently.
I didn't answer that and just snuggled him a little more. I didn't want this moment to end.
"Who is your crush by the way? You never said their name", Hoshi asked but I could sense the sadness in his voice. It was subtle and anyone else might not have noticed it, but to me, it was as obvious as the sun on a clear sky.
Could it be?
No, probably not...
But what if?...
I was ringing with my thoughts, running through endless possibilities of the outcome of what I was about to say.
"It's you", I whispered almost inaudible. "It's always been you."
Hoshi didn't respond for a few seconds, so I slowly stood up from his embrace, taking it as the expected rejection.
However, just as I was about to walk to the door, he came out of his frozen state and spun me around.
His face was close. Too close almost as our breaths mingled in between us. His hands on my cheeks, his thumb brushing softly over my cheekbones. His eyes flickered as he searched my eyes for something, before pulling me in a breathtaking kiss.
After a little moment of shock, I kissed back just as passionately, my hands clutching his shirt over his chest.
Hoshi kissed the same way he danced. Passionately, powerful but with utter care. His hands stayed on my cheeks, as his fingers played with my hair.
After what seemed like hours I was breaking away, my lungs breathing heavily as they tried to inhale as much oxygen as possible.
I was taking in Hoshis state. The hair a little messy, his lips swollen, his breathing just as heavy and a pinkish hue on his cheeks.
I let out a breathy laugh as I completely realized what just happened.
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I wanted, but then you started being really distant, so I thought you figured it out yourself and were disguste-" I broke Hoshis rambling with a kiss.
A kiss not as passionate as the last one but filled with reassurance as I tried to fuel all my love into that one kiss.
"It's not your fault", I said after breaking away. "I could've said something too, but I was too much of a coward."
"I guess we're both kind of stupid", Hoshi chuckled and I agreed.
"Can we lay down please?", I asked as I just wanted to stay with Hoshi and be close to him.
"Of course", he said before picking me up and laying on the bed with me still in his arms.
"I'm still capable of walking, you know?", I said with a little laugh.
"I'm aware", he said while brushing through my hair.
"Do you- do you want to be my boyfriend", he asked softly which made me grin widely.
"Of course", I answered and gave him a small peck on the lips, which left him blushing furiously.
I laid my head on his chest again and listened to his heartbeat whilst the sleep slowly took over me.
"I already can imagine the teasing from the others", I heard Hoshi saying which let me groan tiredly.
"Don't worry, I'll protect you. Just get some sleep, I'm not going anywhere", he said softly and kissed my forehead before cuddling me even tighter as I slowly drifted into dreamland.