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It's the end of practice, IDID is making their comeback soon on the 27th. Everyone is nervous, only a week left before promotions and release. One individual, however, seems noticeably more tense than the rest.
Yonghoon sits in the corner, head resting on his palm and legs drawn up to his chest like a barrier between him and the room. As the lights dim down, slowly everyone leaves the practice room. With only Yonghoon and Wonbin left in the empty and quiet room. Yonghoon stares at his reflection, disappointment written all over his expression. He clenches his fists hard. He can't seem to grasp why he keeps making mistakes.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Wonbin was just about to leave when he saw Yonghoon standing all alone in front of the mirror. He takes cautious steps towards him, lightly tapping him on the back. Yonghoon flinches a bit and turns to him, his face clearly worn out.
"You okay?" Wonbin asks gently.
Yonghoon bit the inside of his lower lip before answering.
"I'm fine."
"Doesn't seem so. You've been tense since the start of practice."
" ... "
Wonbin placed his hand on top of Yonghoons shoulder, looking at him worriedly. " You can talk to me whenever you feel like it's too much, you know? "
"Thanks. " Yonghoon nodded.
Soon, Wonbin also left. Leaving only Yonghoon and his thoughts alone.
He turns on the lights and the speaker again.
" Surely i can do it if i try harder. "
" Just a bit more until i get the vibe i want."
He tells himself it'll be quick. Despite it already being close to night time, he doesn't stop. every step, he keeps getting more frustrated and still unhappy with the result. With failure becoming his best companion, Yonghoon sighs as he sits down in disappointment once more. He reflects back to his performance from just now.
He wasn't syncing with the rest.
He tripped sometimes.
He was off beat.
Every small mistake made him feel even more upset at himself. When did such a simple move become so hard? He finishes what's left of his water and leans onto the wall.
7: 46 pm.
He should be at the dorm eating dinner now. With all of the members, maybe chatting or laughing. But instead, because of his own high standards, he's now pushing himself to get a move right when he's already tired.
He's fully aware that he should go back.
He knows he's tired and he'll become sloppier.
But a certain thought keeps coming back; "What if?"
What if this is the one?
What if this is where i finally get it?
He stands up, stretching and continues to practice once more. His will to succeed bigger than anything.
And so he keeps trying,
time after,
time after,
time. Every step and move seems off to him. Everyone does good, what about me? He repeatedly thinks to himself.
If not for the staff telling him they need to clean the practice room, Yonghoon might've just been there for another 2 hours.
He finally packs his bags, leaving the room with a heavy heart. In his Uber, he checks his phone.
[ 9+ messages from Park Wonbin ]
His eyebrow raises, Wonbin rarely sends that many messages to him. He opens it quickly.
5:12: Hey when u get back help me buy some blueberries and snacks okay???
I'll pay back later
5:56: U otw home yet???
Helloooo
Get back soon okay dont forget
6:20: Are u done yet?? its already 6pm dinners almost ready
6:31: dinners up we made steamed vegetables for you
Hello???
Answer me
6:45: U ok?
This isnt funny where are you
Still at practice?
7:36: Get back home now
Youre so lucky we dont have a car otherwise im hitting you so badly
Hurry up
Are you even alive???
7:40: dude
...
8:00 : Its 8pm already come on
Just say you didnt want to eat dinner at the dorm
Did you go home today???
8:36: Reply when you see this okay
9:00 : Its 9pm where are you
Now everyones worried
Good job IDID leader Jang Yonghoon
The messages seem mean and sharp but Yonghoon still smiles softly. Even if it's through the screen, he can feel the warmth of Wonbin's and the other's care. He quickly types back
9:24 : i'm here i'm here
sorry my phone was on mute
Immedietly, Wonbin explodes his phone with DM's.
All of them full of questions and genuine concern. Yonghoon's cheekbones didn't go back down once while reading and replying to Wonbin.
As he reaches home, he fully expects everyone to be asleep already. But to his surprise, everyone is still awake, some even waiting for him on the couch
The youngest, Semin, turns to him and yells loudly, "Old man Hoon is back!!" Immediatly, everyone comes to the living room to check. "Finally, took you long enough Yonghoon-hyung." Junhyuk joked. Yonghoon allowed his tired face to let out a slight smile.
He ate the microwaved steamed vegetables.
He laughed with his dear members.
He was grateful that no matter what struggles he went through, the members would be there for him.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Near midnight, Yonghoon is still on the couch scrolling through his phone. Suddenly, a tall shadow hovers over him and he feels a poke on his cheek. He lifts his head up, making eye contact with Wonbin. Wonbin shys away from him, still unable to remain eye contact with Yonghoon. He chuckles, "It's been close to a year since our debut, yet you still can't look me in the eye?" Wonbin pouts and rolls his eyes in a sarcastic manner.
"And you still can't come back to the dorm early."
Yonghoon smiles awkwardly, clearly aware of what Wonbin was hinting at. Wonbin sits beside him and throws his arms around Yonghoon, pulling him into a warm embrace. Yonghoon pauses for a bit, the unexpected hug had caught him off guard. He hugs Wonbin back,both of them staying in that position for about 15 seconds before realising how awkward they made it.
" Why did you stay back so late? " Wonbin asked.
Yonghoon looked to the side, then at Wonbin again. He seemed upset about remembering all his mistakes and failures from a few hours ago. Wonbin, seeing his reaction, didn't pry any further.
"It's alright if you don't wanna talk about it."
Yonghoon fidgeted with his shirt, unsure of whether he's ready to tell him or not. Wonbin sat closer to him and held his hand tightly, as if bringing back to reality. The two just sat there with each other, watching TV, occasionally talking or checking their phone. Yonghoon felt his heart beat slower, breathing also felt less suffocating too. Night time was quiet but peaceful for the both of them. Wonbin took a glance at Yonghoon and smiled. He was glad that he felt a little happier now.
" Thank you. "
Wonbin turned his head to him.
" For what? "
"... Don't make me say cheesy and embarassing things Wonbin-ah.."
They both giggled. Wonbin found it cute that Yonghoon would thank him for just because he stayed with him.
" It's the least i can do." Wonbin said softly. He and Yonghoon then rested on the couch for the rest of the night, giving each other reassurance quietly.