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Sam runs his fingers through his long dark hair, trying his best to contain the frustration that’s eating at him. The past few hours have been incredibly stressful and he’s doing his best to understand what’s agitating Dean, but without his brother communicating it’s nearly impossible.
Sometimes his brother will talk, but it’s never more than one or two words at a time and today there’s just no talking. Instead he has to watch his sibling pace back and forth, occasionally scratching at the scars on his arms.
Biting back a groan, Sam thuds his head against the desk, helplessness crawling up in his chest and nesting there.
Maybe he should call Bobby.
Everything he’s tried so far hasn’t worked and Dean’s chronically shaky hands make his penmanship unreadable so he can’t write it down.
I need to teach him sign language, Sam thinks to himself with a sigh, if I ever get the time.
Whenever he’s not with Dean, he’s with John, hunting down monsters. They’ve been doing it for years now and with Dean back he mostly does research for his father. Still, there’s times he has to leave Dean, sometimes for days at a time and he always feels guilty.
He wonders if this is how Dean felt anytime dad and him left him alone in a motel room as a child.
His sibling makes a soft noise to the left of him, still pacing in distressed loops.
“Please, stop.” Sam looks up at him from his chair, causing his sibling to stop and look at him. Sam won’t lie to say he’s glad to see that he’s caught his brother’s attention, some tension leaking from his shoulders.
“I know something’s wrong, but I don’t know why you’re so upset. You’ve got to work with me here. Can you just try to show me what’s got under your skin?”
Dean’s face twists up in frustration and something that looks alarmingly like anger. He just stands there for a moment, arms crossed to his chest as he seemingly thinks and thinks it over.
Sam sits there as patiently as he can and waits, huffing out a deep groan when his sibling starts to pace again, back to ignoring him.
“Come on, man. You’re killing me here.”
When he doesn’t get a response Sam returns to the research, flipping through pages and pages and pages of chupacabra lore. He’s only half certain this is what their father is dealing with, but just in case it is in fact a chupacabra he’ll need to study as much lore as possible.
It’s hard to tune out his sibling’s insistent circles, but he tries his best, ignoring the stab of guilt that comes with it.
He should be trying to soothe Dean, but how? How is he meant to help? Usually he can just hug him or read a book and sit with him, but when he gets like this there’s no calming him down.
Sam’s phone beeps and he glances down at the text from John.
Where are you? I thought I told you to get your ass down here.
Sam gnaws on his bottom lip, remembering the command from about three hours ago via text. Dean’s only got more flighty since then. He can’t just leave his dad by himself though, not with something out there. Even though John probably doesn’t need his help.
“Dean,” Sam says softly, swiveling around in the chair to look at his brother. “I gotta go.”
Dean turns to him, silent anger painting his features. His eyes retain a glossy look to them and the younger Winchester tries to swallow away his guilt.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be back soon.”
“No-“ Dean’s gravelly voice startles Sam, making him jolt a little in his place. It’s been a total of four and a half days since he last spoke a single word.
His brother shakes his head rapidly, nails digging into his arms.
“Nono-“
“Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself.” Sam stands, cautiously approaching his sibling and gingerly pulling his hands away from his arms. “You don’t want me to go? Is that what’s got you so worked up?”
Dean stares at him wordlessly, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He blinks them back then latches onto Sam’s arm, attempting to hold him in place.
It’s awfully reminiscent to how Sam would cling to his brother when he was a little kid and didn’t want Dean to leave him.
“Okay, it’s okay. I don’t have to go anywhere.”
Dean relaxes for a fraction of a second then Sam’s phone chimes again, John’s new notification popping up. As soon as it does his brother only seems to get more agitated, letting go and looking around as if searching for something that will stop Sam from leaving.
Wracking his brain, the younger Winchester stares at his phone, trying to recall all the other times Dean has done this. Now that he thinks about it, his sibling only acts like this after John starts to text him or when he really starts looking through mythology books.
Learning to identify trauma responses in a patient like your brother is important. These things don’t just magically go away. His mind has been through a lot, Sam remembers one of the Pysch nurses saying.
Is this a trauma response? Is him leaving for hunts causing Dean to relive bad memories? Has he been completely missing his brother’s suffering anytime he runs off to John?
Sam takes his phone his hand and quickly turns it off, proceeding to throw it inside a desk drawer.
“It’s okay, Dean. It’s off now.” Sam nears his sibling, taking him by the shoulders and gently turning him to face him. “I can stay. I’m not going anywhere.”
Dean’s expression flits through several emotions before landing on an exhausted sort of relief, his shoulders dropping a little.
“How about we watch something? I think there’s a new reality tv show on tonight.”
His sibling smiles faintly, making some of the stress bundling in Sam’s chest lessen. He brings in his brother close, snuggling on the couch next to him.
Eventually he’s going to have to text their dad back and explain his whereabouts but for now he focuses on making Dean feel better.
And in turn he feels a little better himself.