Archive of Our Own

So, Buck’s house almost burns down. Again.

He was standing right there, making a strawberry banana smoothie, heavy on the banana, for them to share, and the next thing he knows his fire alarm is going off and Theo has all four of the stove knob covers spilling out of his tiny hands.

He had been so proud of himself, too. And Buck can’t blame him for that. Those knob covers are a bitch and a half to get off. Buck isn’t even sure he could do them all that quickly.

“What I need is like… some kind of solid barrier. Just, no getting anywhere near the stove. Or just… stay out of the kitchen entirely.”

“So a baby gate,” Eddie says, unhelpfully.

“You know they haven’t invented a baby gate he can’t Spider-Man his way over.” Buck pushes his cart around the corner into the next aisle of the hardware store, looking at the dozen or so different stacks of plywood like they could offer inspiration. “I need something… bigger. But where I can still keep an eye on him.”

“So, like, a screen door?” Eddie suggests, fingers running over a roll of chicken wire.

“I’m not putting a screen door inside my house, that’s weird.” Buck pauses and looks at the mesh himself, contemplative. “But maybe something more… enclosed…”

“So like a…?” Eddie starts slowly, brow furrowing in concern.

Buck rubs a hand down his face. “I don’t mean for Theo, I mean for the stove.”

“Oh, good, so a Buck cage, not a toddler cage,” Eddie says, all caution gone.

Someone stops at the other end of the aisle and looks over at them.

“Preschooler,” Buck corrects automatically, a very important distinction that he learned early on during his child care deep dives. He pulls Eddie in closer. “And keep your voice down, maybe?”

Eddie cringes, turning to look directly at whoever’s watching them.

Buck grabs him by the shoulder, tugging until he faces away again. That guy’ll leave on their own if they stop paying them attention. “What I mean is like, a… a cover. For the stove. Something I can put on and off, and is too big for Theo to move, but that won’t catch fire itself if–”

“Eddie?”

Eddie pulls out of his grip, turning to face the familiar voice. “Marisol.”

Buck spins around and finally gets a good look at their stalker. Buck hasn’t seen her since before… that whole thing. She hasn’t changed much, as far as Buck can tell. Her hair may be a bit longer, piled up on the top of her head. Her smile is bright and polite. Oh, and also –

“You’re pregnant,” Eddie says.

Buck hits him with the back of his hand, because that’s not a thing you say to a woman. Especially one you’re already on pretty thin ice with.

Marisol just laughs, free hand going to the bump under her overalls. “I am,” she says, and she really is glowing. “Due in October.”

“Congratulations!” Eddie takes a step forward, and Buck stands back and watches the car crash that is their awkward hug. Marisol’s got an armful of sample books, paint colors and flooring and laminates, so can’t do much more than give Eddie’s shoulders a brief double tap.

She turns to Buck once she’s sure Eddie’s a safe, normal distance away. “And you have a toddler, it sounds like?”

“Preschooler. And, uh... well.” It’s Buck’s turn to shift awkwardly. “It’s not… I’m fostering right now. Temporarily. Until a better fit comes along.”

He can feel Eddie look over at him, knows it’s the same look he’s been giving him every time he’s made a point of correcting people. That look drives Buck crazy, so he refuses to look at it.

“It’s been looking less and less temporary,” Eddie adds unhelpfully. “And it’s already a pretty good fit, if you ask me.”

“No one did,” Buck says, keeping the even smile on his face as Marisol’s eyes dart between them, a little bit judgmental and a whole lot bewildered. “It’s a friend of mine’s son. They’re try–”

“They’re dead!” Theo calls out, popping up from where he had been lounging in the cart, entertaining himself by tearing up his own flip book of paint chips.

Marisol yells. Not quite a scream, but enough for her to clamp a hand over her mouth.

Theo yells back at her, always up for a competition in making loud noises. 

Eddie laughs, ruffling his hair. “Don’t make fun. I think you scared her a little, bud. You’ve been so quiet.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Theo hits Marisol with his biggest, most innocent eyes.

Marisol, who doesn’t know any better but to fall for it, smiles back. “That’s okay. You didn’t mean to.”

Theo ducks back down, peering out at them through the wire of the cart, little fingers poking through the holes as he grips the sides.

“Like I said,” Buck continues on, “my friend and his wife passed away pretty suddenly, so they’re still talking to his extended family. But until that gets worked out, Theo gets to stay with me.”

“And he’ll get to stay with you when it doesn’t get worked out, too,” Eddie can’t seem to help but add, despite Buck trying to tell him to shut up with his eyes.

Marisol looks at Eddie, then at Buck, then back to Eddie, then down at Theo where he’s crouched in the cart. Her face softens. “You know, I’ve started following a lot of DIY mommy blogs these past few weeks. I’m sure someone somewhere might have a solution to your little, erm… cage problem.” Her smile grows as Buck blanches. “I can send you some links, if you’d like?” She looks to Eddie. “Same number?”

“Same number,” Eddie confirms with his own warm look. “That’d help a lot, thank you.”

“Of course.” She gestures behind her. “I do have to get going but… It was nice to see you all.”

They say their goodbyes and watch her disappear down the end of the aisle.

Eddie lets out a huge breath, one he’s been holding in the entire time, bracing himself on the side of the cart. “That… That wasn’t so bad.”

“Could have been worse.”

“She never responded to my last apology text so… Yeah, surprised she even bothered to talk to me.” He sighs again, shaking his head and shaking his nerves away. “Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?”

“For being even weirder than me back there.” Eddie straightens up, running his hands through his hair. “I cannot believe I hugged her.”

“Hey, I was just giving her a life update. You were the one talking about toddler cages.”

“I want a cage!” Theo yells. He starts kicking at the sides of the cart. “I wanna be in the zoo!”

Theo proceeds to make a noise that is somewhere between a monkey, an elephant, and a whoopie cushion. It is somehow the loudest sound Buck has ever heard, and he’s used to driving around with sirens blaring.

He and Eddie silently agree that the hardware store can wait for another day.

~*~

“I’m so sorry,” Buck says as soon as Eddie opens the door.

“Don’t be.” Eddie’s somehow able to hear him over the sound of Theo’s cries. He steps aside to let them in. “You didn’t have to drive all the way here with him like this. I could have brought it to you.” He tries to put a gentle hand on Theo’s back. “Hey, little man,” he murmurs, deep and soothing. “Not a good night, huh?”

Theo wails louder and squirms away from the touch, burying his face in Buck’s neck.

“I don’t even know what it is he wants,” Buck hisses, rubbing Theo’s back himself. He looks helplessly around Eddie’s living room. There are just as many of Theo’s toys spread around here as there are in his own house.

They had barely gotten in the door when Theo started breaking down. At first, it was yelling, wordless screams as he frantically threw around his toys, tore the sheets off his bed, obviously looking for something but unable to tell Buck what. Then the tears came, big and messy, tiny body wracked with sobs, little lungs working so hard to get air.

Buck’s heart had broken. So he did the only thing he could think to do: scoop him up, turn around and head right back to Eddie’s.

Eddie has really been a lifesaver this past month. Whatever Buck has needed, he’s been there. Advice on how you’re actually supposed to get to know a four-year-old. Pep talks when he’s sure he’s actively ruining said four-year-old’s life. A sounding board when his head gets too frantic. Solid ground when he’s unsure. A shoulder to cry on, sometimes literally. An extra pair of hands.

Buck has always appreciated Eddie’s hands, but never more than he does right now.

Eddie’s hands are now picking through the various toys and stuffies and books that he finds, hoping one of them will spark something in Theo, get him to calm down. Theo just keeps shaking his head into Buck’s chest.

“Pee!” he yells out.

Eddie looks up with raised eyebrows, and Buck shakes his head tiredly. “No, not that. First thing I tried.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try again.”

The bathroom just gives the crying an echo. Buck’s ears start ringing.

“And you’re sure he… can?” Eddie asks.

“He did at home.”

“Still, might be something.” Eddie crouches next to the toilet. “Hey, Theo, is it your tummy? Are you hurting anywhere?”

Theo just cries.

“You want me to try and look him over?”

Buck nods tiredly.

He’s definitely relying on Eddie too much, he knows, even though Eddie would insist that’s not the case. Buck’s been out on parental leave, is supposed to be getting Theo settled in and comfortable in his own place. And yet here they are, back at Eddie’s. They spend most days at Eddie’s.

And, of course, Eddie’s great at handling Theo. He’s quick to catch him in the act before too much gets broken, can put his foot down when he needs to, but is just as quick to join in when things get silly. And Theo adores Chris, who has begrudgingly given up his precious time of summertime nothing to sit and color, or let him watch him play video games, or get dragged into watching Ratatouille for the thousandth time.

Also, Theo hasn’t tried to burn Eddie’s house down even once, so there’s that.

Buck was trying to be considerate, for once, going home for the night. Eddie has work tomorrow. And they could all probably do with a little space. So of course, he has to come right back and make everything a hundred times worse.

“I thought you guys left,” Chris says from the hallway, gaming headset still around his neck.

“We did, but we’re back,” Buck says, feeling stupid, unable to do more than point out the obvious.

“Theo might have left something here,” Eddie explains. “We’re just trying to figure out what.”

“Pee!” Theo yells again.

Chris blinks over at them. “Is he looking for his Pikachu?”

Buck looks at Eddie, feeling even more helpless. “We’ve tried, like, three Pikachus already, I’m pretty sure.”

“No, this one,” Chris says, and disappears back into his room.

He comes back with a little stuffed animal clenched in his hand, only a few inches tall but very round. It’s a little grubby, probably overdue for a wash, but it looks cheap enough that it’s doubtful it would survive one.

Theo squeals, reaching out for it immediately. “Pi! Pi!”

He hugs it close, so big in his small hand, other arm still firmly around Buck’s neck. He hiccups and sniffles and wipes his nose on Buck’s shirt, and finally, finally calms.

“He asked me to watch it for him a few days ago,” Chris says, a little sheepish. “I forgot I even had it.”

“Good thinking,” Eddie says, and Chris graciously allows himself to be pulled into a one-armed hug, accepts the kiss to the top of his head.

“Yeah, well…” He hesitates a moment. “I, uh… I think it was his mom’s.”

Buck’s heart breaks all over again. It does look like the kind of thing you’d get from an arcade claw machine or as a cheap prize at a fair. It could be held on from one of Kameron’s first dates with Connor, or maybe a memento from when she was a kid.

Buck doesn’t know. How could he? He cut them out of his life.

“Thank you,” he says to Chris, like the words are anywhere near enough to express the depth of his gratitude. “We’ll get out of your hair.”

“Uh, no. You’re not going anywhere,” Eddie says, shifting so he blocks the way down the hallway. “You’re exhausted. He’s exhausted. You’re staying here.”

Buck doesn’t have it in him to argue.

Spending all their time at Eddie’s has also meant spending a lot of nights at Eddie’s. Because Theo just seems to sleep better when he’s in a house full of people. Nights alone are when he’s more likely to wake up to screams and tears and a wet bed. The family therapist Diedra recommended says he’s still processing the accident, that he likely doesn’t have the words yet to describe what he’s been through, and the best Buck can do is let him know he’s safe and supported.

And, well, maybe ‘safe and supported’ makes Buck think of the Diazes. Sue him.

So when bedtime approaches, Buck doesn’t exactly rush to get home. Maybe once Theo starts nodding off on the couch, it’s easier to let him get comfortable and stay the night here. And it’s not like they haven’t tried the same at Buck’s place. It’s just that Chris can’t tolerate more than a night on his couch, even with the promise of the hot tub to soothe any aches and pains it causes.

And with the kids on the couches, Buck and Eddie usually end up sharing their bedrooms. But it’s not like they haven’t shared before. It’s really no big deal.

Eddie’s graciously given up space in his dresser, so they both have clothes to change into. Buck carefully washes tear-streaked cheeks and helps with brushing teeth. Theo’s being very clingy now that the crisis is over, but it’s hardly the first time he’s been in with them. Eddie’s already in bed when they settle down beside him, and Theo snuggles right up to Buck’s side, Pi held tight, and falls right to sleep.

Buck finally breathes normally again. He focuses for a minute on his own lungs expanding, on the little chest next to his.

“I’m sor–”

“Don’t.” Eddie cuts him off. “You know I like having you here.”

Buck’s not so sure he does know that, but it’s kinda nice to hear.

They lie there, the silence occasionally broken by one of them shifting or Theo’s snorts and sniffles. As exhausted as Buck is, it’s still barely past sundown. And Eddie can’t have been planning on going to bed any time soon. He shouldn’t be tethered to his pathetic friend who needs his hand held through every little thing. There must be some movie or sports game he could be watching right now, at the very least.

“You know, you don’t–”

"I've been talking to Marisol a lot this week."

"Really?" It comes out of him automatically. He must be tired; his filter is completely shot. "Haven't you blown up her life enough already?"

"Hey!"

"And when she's pregnant, too."

"Shut up." Eddie looks like he'd love to smack him if not for the child curled up against his chest. "You know I don't mean it like that."

Again, with Buck allegedly knowing things that Eddie never told him.

“So, she and her boyfriend do home renovations,” Eddie picks back up. “Her and her brother and him and his brother. It’s a nice little business set up they have.”

“Sounds like it,” Buck says, because what else is he supposed to say?

“So Javi – that’s her boyfriend, Javi – he and his brother were both Marines, so, you know, insufferable…” Buck rolls his eyes. “… but they’re trying to focus on renovating places for veterans that need accessibility. Ramps, wider doorways, bathroom access, that kind of thing.”

“Sounds cool.”

“And Luis – that’s Javi’s brother – his wife used to work at the VA and is kind of an expert with all the red tape. She’s like Carla, but for home loans. So it’s not only getting these guys accessible housing, it’s affordable too.”

“Wow.”

“And Vincent – you remember, her brother – had this idea about shopping all this around to some networks. You know, start a show about some ‘good old American ingenuity for the the benefit of people who protect our freedom.’”

“Sounds like something grandmas across the country would cry over.”

“I know, I know, it’s cheesy as hell, but these network deals do a lot to help with costs, apparently. And since they’re not giving anything away, no one’s gonna lose anything come tax season.”

Eddie goes quiet then, but Buck can feel him next to him, something more to say buzzing under his skin. Buck cracks his eyes open and actually gives him his attention.

“So Marisol’s been telling me about the house they’re finishing now, the one they’ve been filming the whole time for a pilot–”

“They have a film crew already?”

“They have Vincent with an iPhone and some microphones from Amazon. But this house… single story, three bed, two bath, in this little residential neighborhood. Jacuzzi tubs. Electronics all set up to this remote system so the hands free stuff doesn’t need a network. Huuuge kitchen, loads of natural light…”

It hits Buck all of a sudden. He’d sit up in shock if it weren’t for the child using him as a pillow. “She wants you to buy it?”

“She wants me to be in the pilot. I don’t think it really matters if I actually buy it.” Eddie turns and props himself up on an elbow, hand cradling his head. “But it does look great, from what she’s sent me. And… well, Chris and I have been talking about him trying out different mobility aids, walkers and stuff–”

“Rollators. I’ve got links I can send you.”

Eddie pauses for a second, a smile spreading across his face. “Of course you do. Well, if he does try something new, it’d be nice to have a little more elbow room, you know? And… God, it’d be nice to stop renting.”

“You should do it,” Buck says without hesitation. Then he hesitates. “Or, well, you should look into it, at least.”

Eddie’s beaming at him now. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.”

Buck’s ready to call it for the night when a thought hits him, and his blood runs cold. “Where is this house, exactly? Is it outside the city? Wait, you said affordable. It’s not even in California, is it?”

Eddie laughs. “It’s further from the station, but it’s on a much better bus route for Chris’s school. And… it’s only about twenty minutes away from the pre-K program you’re obsessed with.”

Buck stares at him, feeling like he’s missing something. “That’s really nice, but I’m sure we won’t be bugging you guys nearly so much in the time it’d take you to move.”

Eddie stares back at him, looking equally confused. “Buck. There are three bedrooms.”

“And I’m sure we’ll use your guest room plenty, but that doesn’t need to be part of your decision.”

Eddie closes his eyes, his head flopping forward to press into Buck’s shoulder. “Buck.” He lifts himself back up, sitting up fully now, twisting to face him. “Nights like this would probably happen a lot less if all Theo’s stuff was in one place.”

“I’m so sorry, I can take–”

Eddie’s hand covers his mouth

“I’m saying it wouldn’t be a problem if you just lived with us.”

Buck’s eyes go wide. His mind races. He thinks he can feel his blood pressure spike.

Eddie drops his hand, looking at him expectantly.

“I…” Buck croaks.

“We…” he tries again.

“Three bedrooms?” he finally asks.

“It’ll be nice, the boys getting to sleep in their own beds at the same time. Not worrying about waking Theo every time one of us wants a midnight snack.”

Buck swallows, “So, they’d get their own? And… you and I…?”

Eddie looks at him. Then down at the bed they’ve both lying on. Then around the room at large. “I think we’re pretty good at sharing, yeah?”

Buck heart pounds.

This. Being like this. Every day. Because they chose to, not because of some unfortunate circumstances that Buck takes advantage of.

“I… I’ll think about it,” Buck says, like he doesn’t already know his answer.

~*~

He’s doing it to be nice, he thinks the next morning, as he makes breakfast for four, listening to Eddie help Theo get all his toys in the exact state of mess he had left them in before.

He’s being a good friend, he tells himself a week later, when Eddie turns towards him in bed, arm snaking around his torso in the unconscious search for comfort.

He’s doing what I would do, if he were in my shoes. But then, Buck really shouldn’t look at the things he would do for Eddie as things a normal person would do for their friends.

~*~

Eddie buys the house.

Buck agrees to move in. As if that was ever an actual question.

They both decide to keep their leases through the end of the summer. They have two households to consolidate into one, after all, but Eddie wants everything done and settled before Chris has to go back to school.

There’s not much that needs to be done to get the house ready – Marisol and her crew have been as thorough as possible, so it’s all aesthetic changes. Now that he’s somewhere he’s allowed to paint, Buck finds that he loves an accent wall. He keeps loading himself up with paint samples every trip to the hardware store. There are strips of buttery yellows for the kitchen, bright teals for the bathrooms, calming blues for the master bedroom. They let the boys pick whatever color they want for their rooms. Chris changes his mind about twenty times before he eventually goes with a deep forest green. Theo, completely coincidentally, goes through an identical bout of indecision before choosing the same.

Chris says he’s annoyed, picks a fight about Theo copying him which quickly devolves into volleys of ‘Are nots’ and ‘Are toos’. But Buck sees the pleased little smile he gets from the admiration before he tries to hide it.

Buck invites Maddie over to help with re-tiling the backsplash, paying her with a bottle of riesling that’s done by the end of the day. They talk about how Maddie’s feeling as a supervisor, how Chimney’s finally comfortable with his own authority, about Jee and Nash and Theo. They don’t talk about anything else in Buck’s life. But despite his excellent dodges of some very nosy questions, Maddie keeps pausing and looking around at Eddie’s house with barely concealed smiles.

“Oh, shut up,” Buck finally says, flicking an inch-wide, sunshiny tile at her. “You know it’s not like that.”

“Who, me?” Maddie laughs as she shifts, letting it bounce off her shoulder. “I haven’t said anything about anything,” she protests, and mimes locking her lips when Buck stares her down.

When Chimney comes to pick her up, she tugs Buck down so she can press a big smacking kiss to his forehead. “It really is a beautiful home,” she says wetly. Her smile is wide and bright and her cheeks are glowing from wine and the first few fallen tears. “I’m so, so happy for you, Evan.”

“Oh god,” Buck groans. He turns her and leads her to the car, hands firm on her shoulders. “It’s nap time for Maddie, I think,” he tells Chimney as he opens the door, ignoring his sister’s pout and whine about being fine. “Drink lots of water, love you, bye!”

Since he’s been given free reign over decorating, all of the bickering with Eddie comes down to stuff. Buck had bought practically everything new for his last move, so much of what he had lost or damaged during the year of Three Card Monte after… after moving out of the loft. But everything Eddie had was battle tested, sturdy, every ding and dent coming with a story. They move stuff over piecemeal as they make decisions. Buck still has his complete set of dinnerware. Eddie’s dining room table leaves more room to maneuver around. Buck has all the fun kitchen gadgets, but Eddie puts his foot down about his coffee maker. And his little frog sponge holder.

That’s just the kitchen. They almost come to blows when they try to decide whose couch to keep.

It’s definitely possible to have too many coffee mugs. It’s definitely not possible for two men, a teenager at the height of puberty, and an accident-prone preschooler to have too many towels, even if they clash.

Then suddenly, it’s time for The Move, capital T, capital M. They spend a precious Saturday hauling over beds and bureaus and all the stuff that goes in them. Chris’s computer. Theo’s hundreds of toys. Buck’s gym equipment is still relegated to the back yard, but it’s not like it’s not used to weathering the elements.

They all eat pizza off of Buck’s plates and agree that Geno’s will not be their go-to. Theo keeps running from his room into Chris’s, not even asking to play but delighted that the option is there. They all marvel at having two working showers that they can use at the same time, and all dry off with their clashing towels, and all collapse into a deep, satisfying sleep.

Buck wakes up with the sun in his face.

He blinks his eyes open, barely awake, squinting against it. There’s a gap around the edge of the blinds, barely anything, but it’s enough to let the first early rays of dawn through to fall directly into Buck’s eyes.

They hadn’t unpacked the blackout curtains yesterday. Actually, they may still be up in Eddie’s bedroom, along with so much other stuff they still need to deal with.

Buck groans and turns over, shielding his face so he can go back to sleep.

Eddie’s there.

That’s not a surprise. The number of mornings where Eddie is there have long overtaken the number of mornings when he’s not. It’s completely normal to turn over and see him lying there on his belly, arms snug around his pillow. His hair is loose across his forehead, his eyelashes dark smudges against his cheeks, and his two days worth of stubble is out of view, hidden in the curve of his bicep.

Eddie should be there. This is his bedroom too, after all.

It’s his bedroom too. And Buck’s going to be waking up next to him like this for the rest of… the foreseeable future.

Buck sits up. He’s suddenly wide awake.

How the hell is he supposed to keep not being in love with Eddie when he’s this in love with Eddie?

“Mrmm?” Eddie grumbles next to him, lifting his head up slightly. His hair is sticking up from where it had been mashed into the pillow, and he looks at Buck with sleep blurred eyes. “’S wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Buck tries to reassure him as he fights to untangle his legs from their sheets. “Just…. gonna go for a run, I think.”

Eddie hums an affirmative, turns his face away, and goes back to sleep.

Buck manages to remember the drawer where he’s stashed his workout clothes and, entirely too self-aware, steps into the ensuite to get dressed.

The day’s gearing up to be a hot one, sweat already beading along Buck’s skin before he’s even reached the end of the street. The neighborhood is quiet this early on a Sunday. Buck’s stuck listening to his own heavy breathing, the slap of his footsteps as he makes his way past a dozen other single-family homes like Eddie’s. They had noticed a lot of kids around during this whole process, and Buck’s eyes keep getting drawn to bikes left in driveways and toys in the yard. A half-dozen stick figures lined up on the back window of a minivan.

The next street over is more of the same. And the next.

Buck concentrates on building up his mental map as he loops back around and starts in the opposite direction. The sun is starting to climb higher as the rest of the world wakes up. People are out with their dogs or tending to their gardens. Buck hears a kid who must be about Theo’s age negotiating for a quick run through the sprinkler before breakfast.

Buck pushes himself until his lungs start to burn, until he’s drowning in his own sweat, until his thoughts become nothing more than a pleasant blur of static.

It’s all starting to fall onto the wrong side of Too Much when he reaches a park. It’s fairly small, a wide space that they’ve driven past plenty of times during the last few weeks, separating the neighborhood from the busier main roads. There are a few scattered trees, some public bathrooms, a few swings, and a large teeter-totter that could probably launch Theo a mile. On the far side are a half-dozen concrete mounds they probably call a skate park, the perfect place for teens to hang around and talk shit and not actually use.

Feeling a little more like himself, Buck stops at one of the water fountains, drinking long and deep. He strips off his t-shirt, shoving it into the waistband of his shorts, and splashes water onto his face, letting it drip down his torso, resting cool wet palms against his temples and the back of his neck. He stretches, getting some relief from the wonderful ache that’s already suffused his muscles. He’s going to be so sore tomorrow, he thinks, and there’s still more stuff they plan to move today.

There’s a bark, a woman’s sharp cry of “Charley! Stop! Heel!” And then something large and warm and furry hits Buck directly in the balls.

He doesn’t cry out, which is very impressive if you ask him. He still hasn’t completely caught his breath yet, so his pained gasp should be camouflaged. He manages to dart a hand out, get a hold of dark, coarse fur before it gets another hit in. “Buy a guy dinner first,” he would have said, if he were able.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” a woman says as she jogs up. She leans down to snatch up the leash that’s trailing along the ground. “She doesn’t normally pull away like that, I lost my grip–”

“It’s fine,” Buck says, only slightly higher pitched than normal. He’s still doubled over, but he hides it with playful bap against the dog’s snout. “No harm done.”

The woman pauses, tilting her head as she looks down at him, eyes hidden behind her sunglasses.

“Evan?”

It’s strange how he reacts to his own name sometimes. It sends a jolt through him, making him brace for a drink to the face, ready to explain how he wasn’t the one who catfished her, he swears.

She takes off her glasses and smiles. “Evan Buckley?”

“Holy shit, Ali!”

She hasn’t changed much in eight years. She’s still brunette, her long ponytail threaded through the back of her baseball cap. She’s fresh faced, in an old Lakers shirt and bike shorts, a wristlet with a furl of plastic bags bursting through the zipper. There are a few more lines around her eyes and mouth than the last time he saw her, but it’s not like he doesn’t have those himself. Frankly, she looks amazing.

“You look amazing,” he tells her. He straightens up, arms out to give her a hug when it hits him that he’s half-naked and dripping wet and that’s probably not appropriate. Charley sees an opportunity and darts forward again, aimed straight for the goods, and Buck has to twist awkwardly so she just butts her head into his thigh. “She’s a friendly one, isn’t she?”

“I’m so sorry,” Ali says again as she tugs on the leash, trying to reel the beast back in. “We just got back from Spain. I think the kennel left her a little stir crazy.”

“Eh, no harm done. Nothing permanent, anyway, I don’t think.”

She shakes her head, her smile warm and genuine. “Gosh, look at you.” Her eyes dip down, but Buck doesn't sense any heat behind the look. "Good to see you up and about."

He glances down at his leg. The surgery scars are still there if you know where to look, faded, covered with hair and his most recent tattoos. It really has been a while since they've last seen each other, hasn't it? 

Before he can reply, a man runs up to them, red-faced and sweaty. He stands next to Ali with his hands on his knees, glasses slipping down off his nose as he struggles to catch his breath. He’s also in old, comfortable clothes, but his running shoes are new and blinding white. Not to be unkind, but he doesn't look like the type of guy who does a whole lot of cardio. Or strength training. Or any kind of working out at all, really.

"Hun... I might... be having... a heart attack," he gasps out.

Ali rolls her eyes even as she rubs a soothing hand along his sweaty shoulders. "I'm sure you're fine." She gestures to Buck, not like the man is looking at anything but the ground between his feet. "And if you are, you're in luck, you’ve got a firefighter here to help.” That gets him to look up, his eyes widening when he sees Buck. “Hun, this is Evan Buckley, one of the guys that saved my life. Evan, this is my husband, David."

Buck is thankful for the intro, that there was a different explanation for how they knew each other, so they could avoid the awkward interaction of meeting your wife's ex.

The relief doesn’t last. "Oh, the one you dated?" He starts to laugh before he gets another good look at Buck, still shirtless, still shining with sweat. Buck warms further with an embarrassed flush as David gives him a once- twice-over. "You dumped him?!"

"Oh my god," Ali says under her breath. She tugs back on the leash as Charley darts forward again, nose still aimed at Buck’s crotch.

Everyone’s just out to objectify him today, it seems.

Buck laughs his nerves out. It may have been a while but he's been here before, he reminds himself. Time to turn on the charm. "Our lifestyles clashed just a little too much, I'm sure you've heard." He sticks a hand out for David to shake. "Though you look like you’d be able to handle a dangerous job yourself."

David wheezes as he grasps Buck’s hand. "Talk to me again around tax season." He pauses, his face falling somber, grip tight even though the handshake is over. "I... I shouldn't joke... I've lost colleagues..."

"Oh, yeah, uh... I've been on those calls, man. It's rough out there."

"So, Evan," Ali interjects with a forced grin. "What brings you out here? Don’t tell me you ran all the way from your loft?"

"No, ah... Just moved to the neighborhood, actually." Buck finally frees himself from David's grip, putting his hands on his hips where they’ll hopefully be safe.

"Oh, nice! Where about?"

"We're over on Allegra Terrace. Just did the big stuff yesterday. Still getting to know my way around."

Ali's grin is a lot less forced now. "We?"

"Yeah, um..." Buck flushes with embarrassment again, feels it spreading down to his chest, and he wonders if he can pass it off as a sunburn. "Me and Eddie."

"Eddie?" She doesn't bother to hide her shock, her jaw actually dropping open. "Like, Eddie, Eddie?"

"Who's Eddie?" David says, looking up from where he’s bent over the water fountain.

"The other firefighter that saved me."

"There are two of them?!" David gives him another round of elevator eyes, and Buck wants to grab his shirt out of his waistband and hold it up like a shield. He wants to let everyone here, dog included, know that he's not just some piece of meat.

It must show on his face, because David catches himself, taking off his glasses and wiping the sweat from his eyes. "Sorry, I don't mean it like–" He's cut off as Charley jumps up at him, sick of the lack of attention, and his arms hook under her forepaws with practiced ease. "It's just... I've been trying to start my fitness journey for a while now…"

"Since January," Ali cuts in, tugging the leash again until Charley settles back by her side.

"Right. So it's been tough. Obviously." He puts his hands on his gut with a cringe. "I'm just thinking if... If you guys could tolerate a newbie gym buddy... Might be a little motivating, y'know?"

Buck imagines David in his new backyard, trapped under the bar after a failed bench press, and Eddie's wild 'I told you so' look as he struggles to help him.

"Oh, uh, I'll see what he says! We mostly work out at, uh, work, so I'm not so sure..."

They lapse into awkward silence.

Buck only lasts a few seconds before he's jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. "So, hey, it was great running into you, but I gotta be heading back now..." He ducks down to give Charley a last few scritches before he starts to jog backwards. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around!"

He's turning back onto Allegra Terrace, blood back to buzzing, before he realizes he never clarified the whole Eddie situation.

He had also forgotten the whole reason for this early morning escape until he lets himself in through the kitchen. The table is a mess of spilled juice and milk and cereal. Eddie's standing there, coffee in one hand, half-heartedly wiping things down with the other. His eyes are lidded as he stares off into space, and his hair is still sticking up in messy tufts. The sound of Spidey and Friends with Theo’s added running commentary drifts in from the living room.

Eddie perks up just a little when he sees him, offering him a sleepy smile. "Good run?"

All those big, messy feelings he had been running from hit Buck square in the chest all over again.

He’d rather another headbutt to his balls.

"Yeah," Buck says and he has to turn away. He opens the fridge but there isn't much more than preschooler essentials waiting for him. He pulls out the water pitcher, but then turns to face down a dozen cabinets that haven't been filled or correctly arranged yet.

He feels Eddie behind him. A glass is placed on the counter next to him.

He focuses on pouring his water, on drinking it down, until his heart feels a little more normal. When he turns, Eddie's sitting at the head of the table, sponge abandoned among the mess. "I promise, some of this ended up in his mouth," he says off Buck's look.

Buck leans back against the counter as he finishes his drink. After a moment, he says, "I met some of our neighbors."

Eddie hums in interest as he sips at his coffee.

"Yeah, you remember Ali?"

Another hum, a little deeper this time.

"Well, I ran into her. Literally. Kinda."

Eddie's eyebrows go up.

"And her dog. And her husband."

Eddie finally swallows. "And how’d that go? Anyone get abandoned?"

Buck rolls his eyes. Is he the only one who's let that whole thing go?

"She seems good," he continues. "Didn't talk for long. Her, uh... Her husband kept hitting on me."

Eddie bursts out in laughter. Which, rude.

"I mean, I don't think he realized he was. Or, he did realize, he just didn't mean to." Buck shrugs. "I don't think summer jogging agrees with him. Or any jogging for that matter."

Eddie shakes his head in amusement. "So long as he doesn't thi–"

There’s a crash that sounds like a four-year old falling off the couch. They both wait a second, two, and then the wail raises up.

“I got it,” Eddie says, pushing himself up onto his feet. “You… you go shower,” he says, with a crinkled nose that makes his meaning clear.

Buck throws his balled up shirt after him.

~*~

Everything still left over at Buck’s needs to be sorted into donation and trash. The boys lost interest a while ago and are in the backyard, Theo not doing much more than running in increasingly larger circles while Chris scrolls through TikTok, though he swears he’s keeping an eye on him. Eddie’s taking pictures of things to list on Facebook Marketplace, insisting he can haggle for some good cash. Which leaves Buck to haul the garbage out to the trucks, black plastic bags sticking to his sweaty skin in the summer sun, all by himself.

On a trip back inside, he hears Eddie’s voice from the kitchen, out of earshot of the boys. He sounds sharp, upset. “Because I’m a grown man and I don’t need to ask your permission.”

Buck pokes his head around the corner to see Eddie pinching the bridge of his nose, phone held to his ear. “No, I know you’re not… Well, it feels like you are, Mom!”

Buck cringes and  slips away before he’s seen, grabbing another round of bags as he escapes back outside. Eddie’s been putting off telling his parents about the move, not wanting to deal with their judgments and inevitable attempts at talking him out of it. Buck can’t blame him. He hasn’t exactly told his own parents anything yet. He hasn’t really told them that much about Theo either, beyond the fact he’s taken him in. It’s all stuff he should update them about personally, not just wait for Maddie to spread the word.

He leans against the bed of his truck, tipping his head back in the sun.

His phone is heavy in his pocket.

He leaves it alone.

When the sun and heat becomes too much and he has to head inside, he finds Eddie back in the living room, lying on the floor, surrounded by the junk he’s trying to fob off onto Buck’s soon-to-be-ex-neighbors. His phone is lying in the center of his chest, screen dark, conversation over.

Buck waits a second before lying down next to him. He waits a few more before asking, “So, how’re your parents?”

Eddie snorts, but doesn’t answer.

They lie there, listening to Theo’s shrieks, to the second-long bursts of sound as Chris keeps scrolling through videos.

“She… she had a lot less questions than I thought she would.”

“Hmm?” Buck turns his head to find Eddie already facing him.

“Yeah, it was pretty much… Does this mean we’re hosting Thanksgiving this year? That kind of thing.”

Buck can see it so clearly in his mind. Jee and Theo knelt in front of the TV, enraptured by the colorful balloons of the parade. Chim and Eddie patiently waiting on the couch for the time they can flip the channel over to The Game. Both his and Eddie’s dads, somehow reaching hour three of talking about golf, also ready for the football. Eddie’s mom at their dining room table as she talks to Chris, who’s still focused on stuffing his face. His own mom with Nash in her arms, laughing as Maddie points out the tiles in the backsplash that went a little wonky after all the wine. Buck pulling a pie out of the oven while, hell, why not, Eddie’s sisters try to sneak a taste, each with a sweet tooth to rival their brother’s.

Buck blinks back to reality. “So, we’re volunteering to work every holiday ever from now on, right?”

“Oh, obviously,” Eddie says, and they bump fists to seal the deal.

~*~

Buck’s elbow deep in layering his lasagna when the doorbell rings.

“Got it,” he hears Eddie yell from across the house. Then, a minute later, laughter in his voice, “Buck, it’s for you!”

Eddie steps out of the way as Buck approaches the doorway, slinging his towel over his shoulder once he’s done wiping his hands. Their guest greets him with a sheepish smile. The workout clothes are gone, replaced with a patterned blouse and slacks, makeup, hair curled delicately around her shoulders. Probably just come from work, considering the time. A leash is looped around her wrist, both hands occupied with a round platter and a cake.

“Ali, hey! And hello, Charley.” She barks at her name before going back to sniffing along the edge of their walk.

“I hope you don’t mind. I saw this was the only house on the street with a sold sign still up and figured I’d roll the dice.” She holds the platter out towards him. “I wanted to get you something for housewarming, but then, I remembered the whole cake thing you guys do…”

It’s round, frosted white, and in thin, shaky black icing, declares ‘SORRY ABOUT YOUR BALLS :(’

“I wanted to write ‘Sorry my husband acted like a creep. I promise we’re happily married.’ But there wasn’t enough room,” Ali says with a half-shrug.

“Oh!” Buck says as he takes it from her. “Uh. Thanks?”

“Is that a dog?” he hears from behind him. Then, thundering footsteps getting rapidly closer.

Buck feels caught. Instinct says drop the cake and try to stop the inevitable. But then they’d have no cake.

But Eddie’s got his back. Eddie’s always got his back.

He scoops Theo up into his arms as he reaches the doorway. “Hey there, little man, what do we have to do first?”

Theo squirms and wriggles and tries his best to get out of Eddie’s grip, but Eddie holds fast.

“Oh, wow,” Buck hears Ali say under her breath. His face starts to heat. Again.

After a moment of his most scrunched up thinking face, Theo turns his attention to their guest. “Hi, I’m Theo.”

“Oh, um. It’s nice to meet you, Theo. My name’s Ali. And this is Charley.” Another bark.

Theo squirms again, looking at Eddie expectantly, sure he did it right. Eddie gives him a little squeeze. “Can I…?” he prompts.

Theo’s head whips back to Ali so fast Buck’s neck hurts. “Can I pet your dog?” he asks. “Please?” he adds on after another little squeeze, drawing the vowels out, leaning back over Eddie’s arm until he's practically upside down.

“Why, yes, you can.” Ali says with a laugh. “I’m sure she’d love some pets right about now.”

She easily gets Charley to heel, much more obedient than she had been the last time they saw each other. Eddie crouches down next to Theo as he sets him on his feet. “Be gentle, now, bud,” he reminds him, clearly ready to intervene if necessary.

Theo reaches out and touches the fur along Charley’s back, giving her a series of pats so soft and calm it makes Buck’s heart feel tender. Charley turns her head and looks at the hand curiously before giving him a long, sloppy lick right across his palm.

Theo laughs. “She’s so big! Can I ride her?”

Eddie sighs, getting a preemptive grip on the back of Theo’s shirt.

“I have to admit, this is not where I pictured your life going.”

Buck snaps back to reality and looks over to where Ali’s moved, closer to him and out of the way. She cringes at herself. “That sounded bad. I just meant… I don’t think I ever imagined you being so… settled.”

“I–I know it seems that way, but…” He risks a look downward, where Eddie has joined in on the petting. “It’s a long story,” he tries again.

“Aren’t they all?” Ali smiles at him, all sweetness and misunderstanding.

She crouches down next to Theo, letting Charley lick at her own hand this time. “Hey, want to hear something funny?” she asks, and he nods eagerly. “So, you know how there are all kinds of dogs? Like, there are labs and beagles and… and, uh….”

“Dalmatians,” Theo says knowingly.

“Right! Well, Charley here, she’s what they call a Newfypoo.”

Theo absolutely loves that fact, screaming out his laughter. Eddie looks up to Buck, expression fond and exasperated, clearly saying they need to brace themselves for the inevitable requests that they get their own ‘Poo.

Buck swallows around the lump in his throat. “I, uh… the oven,” he says, and makes his retreat before he says anything stupid.

~*~

They could get a dog, Buck thinks to himself as he lies in bed. He stares up at the darkness of the ceiling, at the patterns his brain is creating in the empty space, listening to Eddie’s soft breathing against his shoulder.

They could get a dog. They have the room, in this new house, and no landlords to tell them they can’t. And they all love dogs. Two grown men and two kids and a dog.

And then they’d have to get a better fence, to keep the dog in. It could be a white picket one, even.

Buck shoves all those thoughts away and rolls onto his side, away from the man whose bed he’s in. Eddie may be asleep, but that’s no reason to not have to hide his shame.

~*~

Buck feels like he blinks and suddenly everything is over. The walls are painted, their art prints hung, their belongings moved. Theo's stuff is in its rightful place scattered across every floor. He's turned in his keys to his house – his old house, now – without fuss. It's all over and done.

(He feels like there should have been at least a little fanfare in saying goodbye to South Bedford Street. It’s the house Chris grew up in, the house Buck gave everything to save. But Eddie had turned in their keys on his own, on a random Thursday, while Buck and the boys were busy getting their hair cut. Buck didn't even learn about it until three days later, when he floated the idea of one last dinner to see them off. It had been a shock. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he had asked, betrayed.

“Maybe I was distracted by this,” Eddie ran a finger, chilled from the beer in his hand, along the freshly shorn skin just behind his ear. “Got blinded by the light reflecting off your scalp.”

“Funny.” Buck ducked away, ignoring the shiver that went down his spine. The comments were getting old real fast. “You didn’t even tell me you were going to do it. I would have come with you.”

And Eddie had the gall to shrug, the picture of nonchalance. “It was just a rental, Buck.”)

Theo starts his program. He makes friends. He makes enemies – they all make enemies, after the time Jaime Carroll-Flores steals Pi overnight. Chris and his friends hang out at the little skate park. Buck has time to bake an inaugural batch of protein cookies and try his hand at some popovers. Eddie comes back from the station and takes power naps on the couch.

The next thing he knows, Buck's leave is over and he's back in uniform. It's nice, getting to drive in with Eddie. Great for the environment, and all that. The house may be further from the station than he’s used to, but the traffic is lighter if they stick to cutting through residential areas. Eddie’s tuned the radio to the best of the ‘80s, ‘90s, and today, and keeps the volume low as he fills Buck in on the latest May-Ravi-Harry drama, like Buck hasn’t been keeping up with the passive-aggressive messages dominating the group chat.

He meets up with Chimney in the loft and they go through the stack of HR forms he has to sign off on – return to work, change of address, making sure Theo is listed officially as a dependent. It all kind of blurs together as Buck keeps signing and initialing and dating. He longs for the harsh shriek of the tones.

Eddie pulls out the chair next to him and flops down, mouth full of the coffee cake Buck brought in. "We got a question for you, Cap."

"Excuse me, Diaz, we're in the middle of something," Chimney says. "I know you two literally live in each other's pockets now, but Buck does deserve at least a little privacy, right?"

"Then use your office." Eddie shakes his head with a sideways glance to Buck, like he can't believe what he’s hearing. "Besides, this involves Buck too."

"It does?" Buck looks back at him, wide-eyed as he wracks his brain for what this could be about.

"Yeah, it does.” Eddie leans forward, forearms on the table, all business. "It's about the schedule."

Chimney’s head flops back with a groan. He quickly gathers himself, leaning forward to match Eddie's posture, hands clasped on the table in front of him. "Okay, hit me."

“Well, you know we’ve worked out the next few weeks of Theo’s schedule with my tía and Maddie – Thanks again, by the way.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“But we all agreed that was just gonna be temporary, until we found something long term.” Eddie digs his phone out of his pocket, bringing up their shared calendar, and Buck can see Theo’s pre-K program schedule, each event day highlighted in pink. “So I was thinking, on weekdays, if one of us could spend some days on another shift, then alternate–”

“No.”

Eddie’s head snaps up. “No? Just like that?”

“Look, guys, you know that I love you. You’re practically more my brothers than my literal brother. But I can’t be making crazy custom schedules based on the whims of a toddler.”

“Preschooler.”

“Because even if you think it’s going to be simple, it’ll end up changing a thousand times anyway. And I know you know that.” Chimney points emphatically at Eddie, who raises his hands in mock surrender. Chimney brings his finger down to tap on the table between them. “The nepotism ends here.”

Buck gapes at him. He’s aware of how incredibly lucky they are to have figured out the next two weeks the way that they have. One of Eddie’s cousins just happens to be in town, is willing to help Pepa out with the addition of Theo to the nights Chris stays over. And now he owes Maddie an equal number of nights taking Jee and Nash off their hands, the reasons for which Buck isn’t going to think about too much. But he and Eddie had sat down and worked out the whole thing, at least until the end of the year. And it wasn’t that complicated, they just needed to make sure someone was home for some overnights and also any holidays and long weekends and the occasional personal development day for the program’s staff.

Buck isn’t being some nepo baby, begging for special treatment from his fire captain daddy. He just thinks his brother-in-law should do this one little favor for him, that’s all.

“He just hates putting in the schedule,” Hen calls out from where she’s trying to solve the day’s Wordle on the couch.

“You bet your ass, I do,” Chimney readily agrees. “Anything more complicated than regular, pre-approved time off coverage, and it ain’t happening.”

Eddie shrugs. “Fine. I’ll move to B-shift, then.”

He says it so casually. Like it’s easy. Like it’s no big deal.

Buck turns and gapes at him. “No, you’re not.”

A hush falls over the room. The conversation over by the coffee cake peters out. The volume of the TV seems to lower.

Eddie sighs, light enough that only Buck would hear. “We already talked about this.”

“No, we talked about how we could avoid it.”

“Because we knew it was what was going to happen.”

“It had to, eventually,” Hen mumbles, her voice booming through the silence.

“You know, you don’t have to decide this right now, if you guys need to talk about it more–”

“No!” they both say, and it’s Chimney’s turn to throw up his hands.

"There's nothing else to talk about. I'll go to B-shift," Eddie says with a cool finality that makes Buck's blood boil.

"What if I wanted to go to B-shift, huh?" he says, turning his whole body to face Eddie, shoulders square, eyes wild. "You think about that?"

Eddie leans back in his chair and takes a bite of cake. He chews slowly, takes his time before he swallows. "Nope."

A frisson of tension makes its way around the room, palpable in the heavy silence. No one dares say a word.

"You might remember, I've changed things up a few times over the years." 

Buck's jaw tightens and his teeth grind together painfully as Eddie continues. 

"I think we both know that I'm a lot more flexible."

Ravi snorts from over in the kitchen. Someone must elbow him or something, as he lets out a sharp "Hey!" But Buck is choosing to ignore him, his steely gaze remaining on Eddie.

He's right, of course. The thought of changing his shift makes Buck way more nauseous than the thought of Eddie leaving. Again. He's basically used to it, at this point. And this time, Eddie won't be hundreds of miles away on the other side of a FaceTime call, or only seen for a few hours on a precious night off.

Now, he'll be waiting for him at home.

Eddie’s home. Where Buck is also staying at the moment.

Not that any of that matters now, in the middle of their stand off. Buck would rather face down another kidnapping than admit to any of that out loud.

The silence stretches. Buck sees Eddie's hand inch closer to his cake. His eyes narrow.

"Um, since we're talking about changes..."

Everyone turns to look at Harry, who's appeared out of nowhere to stand next to Chim. He's got his own look of hard resolve across his face. It makes Buck's heart plummet.

"You sure, kid?" Chimney asks gently. 

Harry gives a single, firm nod. "I'm leaving the 118."

The room buzzes as everyone starts to talk at once. They all gather around the table, Hen pushing her way to the front. "Excuse me, you're what?"

"Harry's requested that he finish his probationary year at another station, and I've agreed," Chimney takes over. "We're still working out the details, so no word yet on where. But in the next few weeks we'll be saying goodbye to our young Mr. Grant. For now," he adds quickly.

"You know you guys are all like family to me," Harry says, jumping back in. "And that's exactly why I need to step away, prove that I can do this for real. Go somewhere where I'm just Harry Grant, not Bobby's step-son, you know?" He pauses, his shoulders loosening. "And also somewhere where every little thing I do doesn’t get reported to my actual family."

"I only tell your mom what she needs to know," Hen cuts in, offended.

"And if I were out there acting like Buck, I'd understand."

"Wow, okay."

"But does she 'need to know' when I accidentally break the dryer?"

"She does when you do it three times," Ravi says.

Harry turns on him. "And my sister doesn't need to hear anything I may say about my–my personal life."

"I need her to verify." Ravi tilts his head curiously. "How's that girlfriend in Canada, by the way? Oh, wait, I'm sorry. Miami."

"Okay!" Chimney gets to his feet, hands out and placating. "I think we're kind of proving Harry's point here. Now, I know it's unexpected, seeing our baby bird already wanting to leave the nest. But let's maybe give him some encouragement, and not just push him out, yeah?"

"Sorry, man," Ravi is quick to say, a little shame faced. "You're gonna do great wherever you go, no question."

"And you know we'll always have your back," Hen adds, stepping over to throw an arm around his shoulders and pull him in tight.

Things devolve into further well wishes and congratulations as the 118 gather around Harry. It's all very heartwarming.

Unfortunately, it leaves Buck and Eddie by the wayside, forgotten.

So, the final word is, Eddie's leaving.

It's fine. It's only B-shift. And it’s what’s best for Theo.

Buck keeps telling himself that all through his shift. As he watches Eddie gently help a tween gymnast to her feet, arm cradled close to her chest after a fall from the uneven bars, getting her to smile despite the tears still running down her face. As he explains what he's doing in Spanish to a frail little abuelo, soot still on his cheeks from his singed curtains, and gets him to accept the oxygen mask. As he sprawls out on the loft couch, book of crosswords open on his chest, mouth open and not-quite snoring as he falls asleep at 2AM.

It's only B-shift.

It’s what’s best for Theo.

"You doing all right, Buckaroo?"

He nearly jumps out of his skin when Chimney slaps a hand against his shoulder. He thought they were the last stragglers up here, everyone else retired to the bunk room long ago. He steals a glance at Eddie, still blissfully oblivious. "I'm great. How are you?" he whispers.

Chimney laughs lightly as he falls into the armchair across from him. "Yeah, sure, I'll buy that."

Buck sighs, letting himself feel the weight of the day, the late hour. "I'm... finding my rhythm again," he admits. It's the best he can do.

"Yeah, I feel that." Chim leans back, sprawling out with legs spread wide, loose and relaxed. "Just say the word, if you need a minute."

"It's all good, Cap," he says, allowing himself to relax back in his seat.

"I mean it." Chimney hesitates for a moment. "You know, there's a lot changing these days. Not just here. Your move. Your kid. And you famously take change super well."

Buck cringes, but can't say much more to that than, "He's not my kid."

"Sorry, I know. Taking in a foster." Chim waves his hand, like it's no big difference, but Buck doesn’t have it in him to give Chimney the lecture again right now. "My point is... if you need someone for a seltzer and a bitch sesh... someone who's not your sister... I'm here anytime."

Buck swallows, throat suddenly tight. "Yeah... Yeah, thanks, Howie."

"Oh, Jesus, enough of that." Chimney hefts himself back onto his feet. "Go get some sleep, Evan."

"Aye-aye, Cap."

He watches as he jogs down the stairs, knowing he should follow, reluctant to go. He glances over at Eddie again.

He hasn’t moved, but his eyes are open, silent as he stares. He doesn't react to Buck catching him, just sits and watches him for a long, quiet moment.

"We're okay," he finally says, not a question, so softly Buck wishes he could sink into it.

"Of course we are," he murmurs back. Because it's true. They are.

They are okay.

~*~

Buck is not okay.

Try as he might, he can't ignore the giant flashing countdown to Eddie leaving again. Even with the reminder It's only B-shift running through his head like a mantra. Even as he thinks It's what's best for Theo when Maddie FaceTimes him at midnight, a little tear-stained face pressed right against the screen. Even with every day that he wakes up to the sight of Eddie all bleary-eyed and bed-headed. He still feels the panic clawing at his throat.

And, as much as Chim was trying to help, his little pep talk only made things worse. It's not so much that things have changed. He's perfectly fine with things changing. It's the fact that none of it means anything. And nobody seems to understand that.

He gets it. From the outside, he looks like a man who's now a father, who's moved into a brand new home with his partner, and who’s starting a brand new phase of his life. But the fact is, any day now Diedra’s going to call up and let him know they've finally found someone from Connor or Kameron's family who can't wait to take in Theo. Then there'll be no reason for him to keep staying at Allegra Terrace – he may be paying his share towards the mortgage, but it's in no way his house. And Eddie's not...

Eddie’s just Eddie.

So really, he's just some guy, stuck in limbo. He’s living in someone else’s house. Sleeping in someone else’s bed. Watching over someone else’s kids. Stuck in the same job he's loved for a decade, no ambition for anything more. Even Harry's got more drive than he does, has already learned everything he can from Buck and is looking elsewhere for bigger and better.

And he had been so happy with all of it until Chimney's little dose of reality. Now, it keeps running though his mind, popping up loud and clear at the most inconvenient moments.

He's a fraud. He’s a stranger, taking up spaces in everyone’s lives that should belong to someone else.

Man, none of this hurts nearly so much when he doesn’t let himself think about it.

He's been standing there, staring at the equipment compartment he’s supposed to be re-packing for way too long, probably. He turns to grab whatever gear’s next and nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Hey there, Buckley.”

Lucy Donato is standing beside him, leaning casually against the engine, a little cat-like smirk on her face.

Buck feels his face heat. He might have just screamed a little bit. But he thought he was alone down here, so sue him. She’s lucky he had already put away the saw, or they could have had a real mess on their hands.

“H-hey, Lucy,” he says, aiming for cool, calm, and collected and landing somewhere near confused. “It’s been… It’s good to… What brings you here?”

Her smile widens as she laughs at him, and dammit if he doesn’t find it charming. “Good to see you too, Buck,” she says, giving him an obvious once-over. She tilts her head slightly, knowingly, when her eyes reach his face again. “Heard you were down a paramedic and a probie.”

For an instant, Buck freezes. Not that Lucy isn’t great to work with. Her energy is contagious, and she can match him beat for beat without being as overwhelming as he is. Everyone loves working with her. It was always a perfect fit. But having her around all the time right now? When Buck is an emotional mess? While he’s feeling so uncertain about what the hell he’s even doing with his life?

She’s going to eat him alive.

His brain finally catches up, and he squints at her. “But you’re… neither of those things.”

“Sure aren’t.”

“Then why are you…?”

“Well, if it isn’t Captain Donato,” Chimney calls out on his way down the stairs, the rest of the team trailing behind him. He meets her with a firm, forceful handshake. “Welcome back to the 118.”

“Thank you so much for having me, Captain Han,” she says with a curt, serious nod, before the smile bursts back onto her face.

“Oh, you made captain?” Buck says, finally catching up like the shiny new badge on her chest wasn’t immediately obvious. She had always made her ambitions known. He shouldn't be surprised. “Over at Harbor?"

"Nah, at the 133. Mehta finally got moved up the chain, so I swooped in. I mean, Harbor was great, but I missed being close to the action." Her face scrunches. "And I love the guys, but I'm not so sure they would have liked me being the one in charge, you know? Seniority and all."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Hen says, and Buck can hear her eye roll as she comes in for a hug.

Ravi pushes his way forward, is waiting for his own hug when the ladies separate. Lucy lifts him up off his feet as they embrace. He keeps an arm slung around her shoulders as she looks behind him to where Harry is standing, stiff and stone-faced. "This my probie?"

"Harry Grant," he says, sticking his hand out sharply for her to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Captain Donato."

Lucy looks at his hand with a curious eyebrow, then looks over to Ravi.

"He's all right," Ravi says with a dismissive shrug. "But I need you to promise me you're going to give this guy hell. We’ve been way too easy on him around here, if you ask me."

"Oh, don't worry, I have him down for latrine duty from now until his shield ceremony." She turns back to Harry, her eyes narrowing in a stern gaze. "In pen."

"Whatever you think is best, ma'am." Harry nods curtly. Lucy's lip curls and Harry’s panic starts to rise up. "Sir," he tries, but her face doesn't change. "Captain," he tries again.

Lucy gives him another assessing gaze before her smile breaks free. "Oh, he's fun. I might have to fight you for him, Chim."

"Come on up to my office, we can talk," Chimney says as he herds everyone back up the stairs.

Eddie, at the back of the pack, rolls his eyes. "You have a real office, you know," he says, but everyone is already too used to the gripe to take notice.

Lucy pauses when she sees him, lets everyone filter past her as they head back up the stairs. Buck feels his stomach clench.

"Congratulations, by the way," is all she says before she's off to join the others.

"Yeah, thanks!" Eddie calls back after her.

That could be about anything, Buck realizes. The shift change. The house. But he can’t shake the sinking feeling that he knows exactly what she’s referring to.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out. If it's been bad for him, he can't imagine what it's been like for Eddie, dealing with all these assumptions. He's being so kind to him, and to Theo. He’s a saint, really. And everyone they know has to go and turn it into something it's not.

Buck doesn’t deserve him. He wouldn't be surprised if Eddie kicks him out right here and now.

"Why?" Eddie shrugs, nonchalant and unaffected. "It's not your fault everyone around here is a hopeless gossip."

"That's real funny, coming from you," Buck calls after him, but Eddie’s already halfway up the stairs.

~*~

Eventually, inevitably, the day comes where Buck wakes up bright and early, ready to face a day of helping the good people of Los Angeles. And Eddie wakes up with him, tried and true and automatic, then yawns, stretches, and turns over to go back to sleep.

“C’mon, not even joining me for breakfast?” Buck whines and shoves at his shoulder.

Eddie snores, loud and exaggerated and perfectly timed.

Theo’s already awake, running his Cars branded cars around the mess on his floor he’d probably call a race track. Buck watches for a moment before the screech-crash-ka-chow’s get a little too loud for so early. “You wanna help me with breakfast, little man?”

Theo climbs up onto his learning tower as Buck opens the fridge. 

“What should we have today?” he asks, before realizing how big of a mistake that is. Unless Theo’s answer is some variation of ‘cereal’, this could lead to tears. And considering recent vendetta against Cheerios, well…

“Umm…” Theo’s face screws up as he thinks, rocking back and forth in a way that makes Buck wish that thing came with a seat belt. After another moment, Theo’s face brightens. “Grilled cheese!”

“Grilled cheese? For breakfast?” Buck laughs. Theo's at his program today, but he's sure Eddie will appreciate the dinner suggestion.

His eyes fall on the tomatoes, bright and perfect and fresh from the farmer's market. The chances of him getting his hands on them after his shift are slim to none. Unless...

"You know, I think you're really on to something there," he says as he starts grabbing ingredients.

Theo doesn’t stop rocking as he watches Buck cut some beautifully thin slices of tomato for their sandwiches. There's no way Buck can let that continue once the stove goes on. Luckily, he has the perfect distraction locked and loaded.

“You know what? Eddie thinks he can get away with being a big ol’ lazy bones this morning. So, you know what you gotta do?"

Theo nods at him solemnly, already taking his task seriously. He slips from the tower and makes a break for it down the hallway, screaming the whole way to Eddie’s bedroom. “No lazy bones!” Buck hears, repeated over and over. “No lazy bones! No lazy bones!” until everything gets muffled.

Theo runs back down the hallway a few minutes later, hair ruffled in a way that only getting wrapped up in a duvet and tickled would cause. Eddie follows slowly behind him, looking equally rumpled, hands raised in mock surrender. “You’re right, you’re right. I forgot. No lazy bones.”

Eddie peers over Buck’s shoulder as he helps himself to coffee, taking in the stove top. “Grilled cheese? For breakfast?” he asks a little skeptically.

“Hey, put an egg in there, you’d call it a breakfast sandwich.”

“Mm. Not complaining.” Eddie leans back against the counter next to him, out of the way but watching him work. “You know you’re the best at grilled cheese.”

“It’s just the mayo trick, you know that.”

“Nah, they taste better when you make ‘em.”

Buck waits for the punchline, ready to be the butt of the joke, but Eddie just gives him a sleepy smile and sips his coffee. He feels his face heat, and turns down the stove.

“No lazy bones! No lazy bones!”

“Augh, Theo! Get out of my room!”

~*~

It's strange driving into work by himself. Which is strange in itself, because he and Eddie had only carpooled a handful of times before this whole thing went into effect. Buck tries tuning into KROQ, but it’s not the same trying to rock out and get hyped up all by himself. 

Hen’s got her arms wrapped around someone as he enters the bay, her eyes closed as she sways side to side. “Chimney wasn’t telling me anything,” she’s saying as he approaches. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“And miss a chance to actually work with you this time? Not a chance in hell.”

“Hey, is that Rosen?”

“Hey, Buckley,” Julie says. She tries to twist around to greet him, but Hen isn’t showing any signs of letting go.

“I’m serious, there’s been way too much testosterone in here,” Hen goes on, like Buck isn’t even there. “I swear to God, if I have to deal with one more day of nothing but fart jokes–”

“Hey, we’re not that bad!”

Buck waits patiently for his turn for a hug, but it soon becomes clear he’ll be waiting forever, so he gives up and heads upstairs.

There’s a flurry of movement when he turns into the kitchen, an almost familiar man jumping to his feet when he sees him. “Hey! Um. Hi, Buck. I… I know, we only worked together the one day, but–”

“Max!” Buck says, when it clicks in his brain. “Good to see you.”

That’s wrong. He knows immediately that’s wrong. He doesn’t need Chimney – still doing his paperwork at the communal table instead of his office – giving him a subtle shake of his head from behind Not Max’s back. He doesn’t need to see the kid freeze, or to hear his stuttered, “Oh. Um. I… It’s… Sure. Good to see you, too.”

It’s not Max. But that’s all his brain is supplying him: the image of the bloody disaster red icing left on a field of white, but not what came after.

“Just kidding, Probie,” is what he goes with, slapping the kid on the shoulder on his way past. “You flunk out at the… your last station? Or you just hear that Harry’s spot was open?”

Chimney shakes his head at him again as he takes a seat across from him, not nearly so subtle now. “He’s not a probie, Buck.”

“Oh. Right, of course. I’m just playing.” Buck gives the probie another playful slap on his back. “This guy knows that, yeah?”

He’s standing next to him, his seat now taken. “Oh, uh. Right.” He forces a smile with too many teeth. “Anyway. Yeah. I heard there was an opening here and… well, we all kind of decided I had a better track record here than any of the other houses I’ve been at…”

“They do know you almost got us all fired, right?” Ravi asks from where he’s been patiently waiting for a fresh pot of coffee to brew.

Chimney puts his head in his hands.

“Yeah, actually. That was, uh… This is still the best place, I think.”

Everyone is watching him now. He looks about twenty seconds from taking a header over the railing.

“Jesus, who died?” Ravi asks.

“I, uh… can’t talk about it.”

“Oh, c’mon, we’ve all done stupid crap on calls,” Buck says, a little boisterous, desperate to clear the air, get a laugh out of someone. “This one time, there was this girl with all these snakes–”

“He means legally he can’t talk about it,” Chimney finally breaks in. “Now, as much as I’d love to let you torture Sam here with tales of your sexcapades, can we please just give him and Julie a nice, normal welcome back?”

Everyone falls silent.

The firehouse gods must be ignoring all of their prayers today, because it’s over an hour before the tones sound.

They’re called to assist with a multi-vehicle collision. The probie who isn’t a probie acts just like a probie, looking shocked that he’s actually given orders. He follows Ravi around like a duckling, apparently missing the meaning behind “split up and triage.” It feels like time stops, and Buck watches in horror as they both lean down to assess the same overturned minivan. The resounding crack of their helmets slamming together will haunt him for the rest of his days.

When Buck eventually circles back to the ambulance, there’s more commotion inside. A man yelling about all the blood. Drawers slamming. Desperate rummaging through supplies. Hen’s sharp, “C’mon, Rosen. We’ve shared this rig for years. Get it together.”

Buck pokes his head around the open door just to see if there’s any way he can assist, and Hen’s face snaps towards him like she had been expecting him. 

“And don’t you start with me, Buckley.”

He knows better than to try and plead that he wasn’t going to. He just leaves them to it with a curt nod. He’ll save it for later. Maybe. If he’s feeling brave.

He’s not feeling brave when they all file back into the station. Everyone’s quiet, already exhausted as they all take their seats in the kitchen and lounge. Ma– The new guy’s on lunch duty, which Buck thinks was meant to be a joke, especially when he looks over at the kitchen with the same startled panic that he had in the field.

“Well,” Chimney finally breaks the silence. “That could have gone better.”

The tones sound.

The next call is more of the same startled incompetence, the same barely contained frustration.

So is the next call.

And the one after that.

It’s the same, again and again and again.

Into the afternoon.

Into the evening.

And on top of that, Buck gets a text from Ms. Paloma at Theo’s program, letting him know that there was another screaming match between him and that darn Jaime Carroll-Flores, and this time some inappropriate language was used. It’s followed by a text from Eddie, assuring him he’ll talk to Theo after pick up, and to Christopher about what is and what isn’t appropriate to teach a four-year old.

Buck is too tired to respond, so he just heart reacts.

It’s close to midnight when he wakes up from his doze, not from the alarms sounding but the sobering thought of Shit, I should have thumbs-upped instead.

He lets himself out onto the roof, hoping some fresh air will help sooth the impending panic. He’s surprised to find Chimney already there, sprawled out on one of the lawn chairs, staring up at the sky.

Buck hesitates a moment before he approaches. “You okay, Cap?”

“Peachy,” Chimney says flatly. He waves a hand lazily in front of him. “Come on in. Pull up a chair. Grab a drink and stay awhile.”

Buck helps himself to one of the cans of sparkling water chilling in the cooler next to Chim. He’s pretty sure they’re ones from his personal stash, judging from the BUCK Sharpied on the side. He bites back a sarcastic Thanks, cracks one open, and takes a seat.

They sit together, enjoying the pleasant breeze on a hot evening. Buck tips his head back, taking in the faint glow of the sky, trying to convince himself that if he looks close enough he could maybe make out a star.

“You holding up there, Buckaroo?”

Buck startles and looks at his captain. “What, me? I’m fine,” he says, pushing all thoughts of text message mistakes deep into the bowels of his bowels. “How are you doing, Cap?”

Chimney seems to really consider the question before shrugging it off. “This is the job, isn’t it? Getting the unit to actually work like a unit? It was rough today, but we’ll get there. We got good bones.”

“And a good leader.”

The corner of Chim’s mouth quirks up, and Buck can’t even bring himself to try and turn it into a joke.

He means it. Chimney should know that he means it.

“Besides, I think we all need to focus on what’s really important…” Chimney pauses, gazing back up at the sky as his smile works its way fully across his face. “Which is that I am no longer responsible for the health and safety of Athena Grant’s baby boy.”

“Amen to that,” Buck says, and they tap their cans together.

~*~

Eddie meets him in the parking lot when they’re finally free from the shift from hell. Theo’s sound asleep in his booster seat, head lolled to the side at such an angle that Buck’s neck twinges in sympathy. He’s going to have to wake him, get him in his own truck, and get him to his program within the hour. But Buck’s loath to do it. He just looks so… peaceful. Innocent. Still.

“He was okay last night?”

“Slept through the whole night like a baby,” Eddie says as he grabs his duffle from the back. “And I know because I might have told him I was feeling lonely with you off at work and let him sleep in the big bed with me.”

“Eddie,” he scolds, ignoring how his heart seems to flutter. The night terrors have gotten so much better, practically disappeared after the move, and Theo’s been doing such a good job of not needing them in the night. This may have been a preemptive measure, but it can’t become a regular thing.

“I know, I know.” Eddie tilts his head, eyes wide and pleading. “But what if I really was lonely, huh? Trying to sleep all alone like that…”

Buck’s not going to fall for it. Being around Eddie and Chris twenty-four-seven like he has? He’s built up an immunity to the Diaz puppy eyes.

“It’s fine, but just this once, okay? We can’t let it become a habit.”

A little bit of immunity. Slight. Enough to at least recognize when he’s playing right into their hands.

Eddie steps in closer, lower lip pouting out, and Buck’s mouth goes dry.

“Hey, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber!”

Buck doesn’t jump, he takes a measured, moderate step back as they turn to look at Chimney yelling at them from his open passenger window.

“Beach day?”

They wait, but Chimney’s not giving them anything more than that.

“Hen! Hey, Hen! Beach day?”

Hen stops her walk to her car, her shoulders hunched, her bag held limply in her hand. She looks like she’d like to go sleep for a week, and not deal with whatever nonsense her friend is trying to spring on her. “What?”

“Beach day!” Chimney repeats, like it will have any more meaning the fourth time around.

“If you say ‘beach day’ one more time…” Eddie starts, but Buck gives him a shove.

“Tomorrow! When we’re all off! Bring the kids, bring the wife. Let’s just do something fun and relaxing as a team, you know? Beach day!”

“But Eddie’s not part of the team anymore,” Buck says, and Eddie gives him a shove in return.

“Only you would think going to the beach with the kids on a Saturday is relaxing.” Hen shakes her head, posture slumping. “I’ll come, but I’m not gonna like it.”

“Atta girl!” Chimney crows. He shifts, attention caught by the next figure making their way through the parking lot. “Rosen! Beach tomorrow? You and Brian in?”

“Ooh, I could go for a beach day!”

So the next day, after Eddie gets back from his shift and shotguns a Monster, they’re off to the beach. Theo isn’t even trying to contain his excitement, wriggling himself up in his booster seat for a better look out the window, yelling that he can see the ocean already after every turn. Chris sleeps, or tries to, or pretends to, head resting against his window. He made it clear that he only agreed to come so he can try out the all terrain features of his new rollator without the scrutiny of his friends. And also because they enlisted Denny to text and ask him to come.

“There it is!” Theo yells when they’re still at least twenty minutes out, slamming his hands against his window, somehow out of his booster and on his feet. Buck swerves to the shoulder and thanks god or whoever for child locks.

Between traffic and stopping to wrangle Theo a second time – he’s going to need to do a deep dive on these booster seats, because, really? – they’re the last to the party. The beach is already mobbed with people, but the 118 managed to stake out a pretty nice stretch for themselves. Maddie’s dozing out in the sun with Hen, Julie, and Julie’s husband Brian laid out and idly chatting next to her. May and Ravi are in a makeshift game of volleyball against Max and Harry, who invited himself along when he heard their plans. He can see Chimney down in the water, Nash on his hip, with Karen, Denny, and Mara all helping corral Jee-Yun close to him.

It chokes him up a little, seeing everyone together like this, new faces and old. He’d stand and savor the moment for a little while, if not for the creature in his arms trying to kick him so he can make a run for it.

“None of that,” he says as he plops down on an abandoned towel. He wraps an arm around Theo, pulling him close to his chest, then wraps his legs around him, too, for good measure. “Sunscreen first.”

“We already did that!” Theo whines, slumping back in defeat. Buck keeps him locked in his secure grip. He’s not gonna fall for the false surrender. Again.

“Gotta do it again, little man.” He digs through his giant tote, through toys and a fresh change of clothes and the first aid kit and ear plugs and his keys and a water bottle and an extra towel and the waterproof baggie with his phone charger until he finally finds the bottle of sunscreen.

He’s moved on to trying to get a squirmy, slippery preschooler into his floaty swim vest when Eddie and Chris reach them. “We come with sandwiches,” Eddie says, dumping the giant, two-handed cooler down next to the equally large cooler of drinks.

“Hoagies,” Buck corrects. Eddie rolls his eyes.

“Now can I go? Can I? Can I? C’mon!” A poorly-placed – or well-aimed – foot makes Buck gasp, his grip loosen, and Theo’s off like a shot towards the water.

“I got him,” Eddie says as he strips off his shirt. He kicks off his flip-flops as he chases after Theo, scooping him up as they reach the surf. Eddie holds him close to his chest as they splash down into the water, making sure to get Chimney and Nash with the spray. They disappear beneath the waves for a second, two, before reemerging with a triumphant yell from Theo.

Buck watches Eddie the whole way. He feels warm and a little faint. The sun must already be getting to him.

Chris sinks down onto the towel next to him with a put upon sigh that’s so common these days. He curls over his phone, trying to use his body to block the glare from the sun. He already looks bored.

“What do you think, Superman? Ready for a swim?”

“No.”

“How’d the new ride feel?” He gestures to the rollator, abandoned behind them. “It do okay on the sand?”

“It’s fine.”

Buck pauses and thinks for a second. “You know what? I could go for some ice cream.”

“We haven’t even had lunch yet.” But Chris’s head perks up, actually looking over at him, if a little skeptically.

“Yeah, well, it’s hot. And I could go for the sugar rush. You in?”

Chris looks like he’s seriously considering it, which Buck counts as a win, when Mara runs up, landing on her knees in front of them, uncaring of the sand that now coats her entire lower body.

“You’re here!” she yells happily. “D said you’d help with sandcastles.”

“He did?”

“Yeah,” Denny says as he runs up after her. He makes a detour to the bag stashed at his mother’s side and grabs a towel to drape around his sister’s shoulders. “You were always the planner. I just kind of pile stuff, which I guess isn’t good enough.” He gives Mara a light shove, and she elbows him back.

Chris looks at Buck, a little uncertain, and Buck lounges back on his towel with a smile. 

“What? You can go do whatever. They’ll still have ice cream later…” He looks down the length of the beach, at the endless crowds of people. “Probably.”

He watches as the kids make their way closer to the ocean until Chris deems the sand the perfect consistency. He sits on his rollator, giving himself an overview of the area as he starts giving people tasks. Mara runs off to start gathering shells and rocks and sea glass. Denny does just start on making a big pile. He watches his sister until she’s out of earshot, then says something that actually gets a laugh out of Chris.

“They get so big so fast, don’t they?”

Taylor’s not kidding. Denny’s had a growth spurt this last year, and is now taller than both of his mothers. And Chris, well. He was, what, eleven when they broke up? And who knows how long before that she saw him last…

Buck’s head shoots up to actually look at the woman next to him.

“Good to see you, Buckley,” Taylor Kelly says with a smile.

She’s wearing a gauzy floral cover-up, open over a bright blue bikini that Buck is very definitely not staring at. Her hair is in loose waves under a wide-brimed sun hat and sunglasses that cover most of her face. Which makes sense. Wouldn’t want to get recognized with this many people around.

“Mind if I sit?” she asks even as she’s already doing so.

“Surprised to see you here,” Buck says once he finally gets his mouth working again. “Shouldn’t you be on a private beach somewhere?”

“Oh, we’ll be going to Greece next week. This is my last big weekend out with the girls before we’re in Europe for six months.” As she speaks, she makes a show of tucking her hair behind her ear, the giant rock on her finger glinting conspicuously in the sun.

“Yes, okay, I heard. Congratulations.”

Everything he knows about Taylor from the past year has come from headlines. Not stories she’s broken, of course, but things like Tech Billionaire Engaged to Best Selling Author, and Olaffson’s Wedding Plans Continue Amid AI Privacy Controversy.

Must be par for the course, falling for the inventor of Hildy.

“And how is good old Jurgen–”

“Jürgen,” she corrects him. “But his friends just call him Jay.”

“How’s good old Jürgen, then? Or would telling me that break your NDA?”

“You know, it’s pretty gauche, seeing your ex and only talking about her new guy.” She leans back on her elbows, matching his posture. Her wrap slips from her shoulders and pools delicately around her body. Buck is very definitely only looking at her face. “No ‘Hi Taylor. How are you? How’s the next book coming along?’”

“Do you even have a next book right now? I mean, writing about your boyfriend this time will definitely break your NDA.”

“Fiancé,” she corrects.

She pauses, then, or maybe hesitates. He can’t see her eyes behind her glasses, can’t tell what’s going through her mind.

There was one point he was pretty good at that, knowing what Taylor was thinking. So brief and long ago he can barely remember it.

“You never did read it, did you?” she asks, voice suddenly soft, the bite in it gone.

“Of course not.” He pushes himself back up to sitting, absently wiping the sand off his arms. “Hen did, though. She said you were very fair.”

“Sure, that’s one way to put it.” She mirrors him again, sitting up, adjusting her cover-up so it’s actually doing some covering up. “Your bosses thought so, too. They still invite me to all the fundraising events, you know. Trying to stay on my good side.”

“Do they now?”

“Mmhmm. Which is how I hear about all the latest gossip about your team. And about you. And about who you’re living with…”

There’s a commotion, down in the waves, like everyone had been waiting for their cue. They watch as Eddie bursts up out of the water, yelling wordlessly at the effort. His arms are flexed, muscles glinting in the sun as water sprays around him. He’s got Jee-Yun on one arm and Theo on the other, clinging to his biceps as they dangle off of him, screaming along in excitement.

Buck’s stomach churns. But he can’t take his eyes off of Eddie. He’s Poseidon, emerging from the sea. Or maybe he’s Aphrodite. Which god was birthed from foam again?

“Oh, anyone could do that,” he can hear Chimney yelling over the din. “Here, someone take Nash, I’ll show you…”

Eddie spins, almost getting the kids to swing out around him, and immediately loses his balance and falls back under the waves.

“And with a new kid and everything,” Taylor says wistfully.

“It’s… it’s not like that,” Buck says, but it comes out weak.

“Oh, it’s exactly like that, Buckley,” Taylor says with a disbelieving laugh. “It’s been exactly like that for as long as I’ve known you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m not even a little surprised. This was kind of inevitable. We started dating when you were practically living with the guy–”

“He had just been shot.”

“And he had a girlfriend who was perfectly capable of helping him out!” She huffs out a frustrated breath. “Look, for a while in the grand competition for your attention, I actually thought I was winning. But, looking back, I’m a big enough person to admit that I never stood a chance.”

God, she should just shoot him. Call for his head on a platter. Summon down another bolt of lightning to put him out of his misery.

Not this again.

There’s a call from down the beach that catches her attention. “I should get going. Like I said, last big weekend with the girls.”

He follows her gaze to the group that’s waiting for her. He vaguely recognizes some of them. From the looks on their faces, they definitely recognize him.

Taylor sighs and pushes up onto her knees. “This didn’t really go how I planned,” she says with a grimace. “I didn’t just come over here to act like a total bitch.”

“You didn’t,” he assures her, but it’s an automatic response. They both know he doesn’t mean it..

“And for the record, it’s good to see that you’re happy. You deserve it.”

She pecks a kiss onto his cheek before she stands, the wind catching her hair, the fabric that flows around her, like the dramatic final shot of a movie. “See you around, Buckley.”

She gets a few steps away when Buck finally finds his voice again. “Taylor!” he calls out, and she turns to face him one last time.

“You deserve to be happy, too.”

God, he wishes he could see her eyes. The rest of her face is completely inscrutable. But he sees her hand flex, her thumb rubbing against the band of her ring, the movement so small and slight she might not even realize she’s doing it.

There’s another call from down the beach, and with a final nod, she gets swallowed by the crowd.

Buck watches the spot where she had just been, like she might appear again. Like there might be more to say. But…

“Did that actually just happen?” Maddie asks.

He looks over at her, startled, having forgotten she was even there. Maddie’s pushed up her sunglasses to rest on her forehead so Buck can get the full force of her look of disbelief. Hen and Julie quickly turn to face each other, deep in fake conversation. Brian becomes a deer caught in the headlights until he just slams his eyes closed and pretends to be asleep.

He doesn’t get a chance to react, unable to decide if he’s more angry or embarrassed, before Eddie comes running up. “Please tell me that wasn’t who I think it was,” he says, winded, collapsing into the spot Taylor had just occupied. “Shouldn’t she be on some private beach somewhere away from us poors?”

Buck grabs the extra towel from his tote, still folded and hefty, and slams it down onto Eddie’s heaving chest. Eddie laughs it off, gets to work on toweling the sea water out of his hair.

“No! Stop it!” they hear Mara yell, and look just in time to see Theo landing with both feet in the middle of her castle.

~*~

Chris actually falls asleep on the ride home. So does Theo, despite the massive burst of energy that came when they all finally did get that ice cream.

Even Eddie’s nodding off next to him, stretched out as much as possible in the passenger’s seat. He never put his shirt back on, his chest and shoulders all even more kissed with gold than usual.

Buck dutifully keeps his eyes on the road, even if the perpetual LA traffic makes it easy for his eyes to drift.

Eddie’s always going to be the one to pull his attention.

It’s inevitable, really, when a stolen glance meets Eddie’s half-lidded eye. He smiles at him sleepily, the same soft look he gets every morning before he fully wakes.

“Your nose is burnt,” he says.

Buck flares his nostrils, feels the skin pull taut and pain flaring. “Yeah, that happens,” he says, like Eddie hasn’t lived though a countless number of his sunburns over the last decade.

“I’ll help you with the aloe when we get home.” Eddie yawns, leaning his head back against the window.

Buck’s mind clings to the thought of Eddie’s fingers on his tender skin, and he lets him sleep.

~*~

“Twenty bucks says he’s not gonna realize.”

“No deal. Of course he’s not gonna realize.”

Buck looks briefly over at where Julie and Ravi are lounging against the engine, but tracks his eyes back onto Max. He scooches his butt a few more inches along the balcony’s edge, careful not to drop the little bit of tuna pinched tightly in one hand. The cat delicately balanced on the small lip of the building watches him curiously, but doesn’t move any closer.

“Okay then, twenty bucks says he’s gonna get scratched,” Julie tries again.

“No deal,” Ravi says incredulously. “Of course he’s gonna get scratched.”

“Under his turnouts,” Julie adds with a grin. “He won’t notice until later.”

“Oh, now that’s interesting.” Ravi rubs at his chin. “Impossible, but if it’s going to happen to anyone…”

“This a teaching method you learned from your academy stint?” Buck breaks in. “Making bets about your students’ failures?”

“Who said anything about failures? Besides, this probably works better than chasing him around with a chainsaw.”

“Oh, don’t pretend you didn’t learn something from that.”

They stare each other down, but Buck doesn’t have any real fight in him. He turns back to the building. The cat has moved a few steps closer, sniffing curiously at Max’s fishy gift. Kid might just do it, after all.

“I already regret this, but…” Ravi sighs and shifts closer, voice softening for privacy. “You doing okay?”

“’M fine. Don’t worry about it.”

The cat bites at the tuna, and Max lets it, staying stock still where he sits.

Ravi heaves another deep sigh. “If you need someone to talk to about Eddie–”

Buck’s jaw clenches. “Its not about Eddie.”

His agitation is soothed by the wonderful surprise of the cat walking casually into Max’s lap, settling down against his thighs. It nuzzles against his free hand, begging for pets that are willingly supplied.

Before Ravi can say anything more, Chimney and Hen return, little Izzy and her grandma in tow, each with a half drunk smoothie. “The kid fa…llow through with finding Mr. Socks?”

“Got him, Cap!” Max says as he emerges from the building, cat held tight to his chest. “The lady in the apartment was real nice about it. And I… I even got her number.”

“How old was she?” Ravi asks immediately.

“N-Not important.” Max kneels down to Izzy’s height. “Here he is, safe and sound.”

Izzy stares at him. “That’s not Mr. Socks.”

Max’s eyes widen. He looks down at the tuxedo cat in his arms, white little forepaws kneading away at the arm of his turnouts. “But… he’s got socks.”

“Mr. Socks is a big orange-striped tabby,” Chim reminds him. “We’re looking for Garfield, remember?”

Izzy’s eyes grow wide and wet, her lower lip pouting out and wobbling. “So… so did Mr. Socks fall off the ledge? Is he… Is he gone?”

Everyone gathers around the little girl, all trying to reassure her that they’ll find her cat. But, how are they supposed to do that? She swore she had seen him on that ledge, on the building across from her window, but the cat they had found there wasn’t him. They’re not animal control. They’re not magicians.

Chimney breaks away from the crowd, approaching where Buck’s still leaned against the engine. “You couldn’t have maybe said something before he went up there?” he asks in a quiet hiss.

Buck straightens up, startled. “I–”

“That’s, what, twenty minutes of lost time? You want to tell that little girl we can’t actually stay here any longer?”

“Why is this my fault?”

“Because I thought you were over all the stupid hazing bullshit. I thought you had grown up.”

Chim might as well have slapped him across the face. Buck’s stunned. Angry. Disappointed. And all of it directed at himself.

“Look,” Chimney says after a calming sip of his smoothie. “You had been doing so great with Harry. And I thought, this guy needs all the help he can get, I know just the man for the job.” He looks back over at Max, trying desperately to get Izzy to stop crying while also keeping his hold on the stray in his arms. “But he’s been here for weeks, and you still haven’t even bothered to learn his name.”

Buck wishes the ground would split open and swallow him whole. “I’m sorry, Cap. I–”

“Excuse me?”

Everyone turns to the entrance of the building, where a woman has emerged. Tall. Long blonde hair. Full, pouty lips. An open robe with a flimsy camisole.

Buck recognizes her instantly. But not from anywhere he’d be willing or able to admit in the workplace.

“Is this the poor little pussy cat you were looking for?” she says to Max with a sultry smile. And, oh, yeah, she’s got a fat orange tabby cradled against her… bosom.

“Mr. Socks!” Izzy cries out, gleefully taking her beloved kitty from her neighbor.

“I had the window open before you stopped by,” she explains, eyes never wavering from Max. “He must have just slipped right in.”

“Yeah, must have,” Max says, seemingly oblivious. “You’re a real life saver. I literally cannot thank you enough.”

“Oh, I can think of a few things you can do…”

Ravi sidles over to Buck and Chimney, leaning close to whisper, “Am I crazy, or is that…?”

“Yeah,” says Hen, suddenly on Buck’s other side. “It sure is.”

They look at her in surprise. She shrugs. “Girl’s got needs, too, you know.”

After a few more rounds of thanks and blatant flirting, Chimney manages to gather them all back into the engine. Once settled, Buck holds out a hand towards Max, seated across from him.

“Way to go, uh… Drayton,” he says, at the very least able to call up the image of the kid’s turnouts.

But it’s enough to make his face light up like a Christmas tree as he taps their fists together.

~*~

Buck never used to think so much about his Costco runs. Hell, he usually didn’t go for himself at all. He’d be on the run for the station, getting toilet paper that was much better than what the city provided and enough soda to keep the fridge stocked for the next week, and he’d grab a new pack of underwear for himself while he’s at it. No fuss, no forethought needed.

Now, it’s different. He has to reach beyond Clipboard Buck. He has to run that shit like he’s in the Army.

(Or, how he thinks the Army would be run. He’s sure Eddie would have a thing or two to say about it, if he ever let that thought slip.)

Alpha Squad goes in with The List. He does not deviate from The List. The List is in aisle order, and he will not take any unnecessary detours. He will not pause to debate getting items that are not on The List. He will be allowed a maximum of two (2) free samples only if they are encountered en route. Once complete, he will proceed directly to the truck and alert Bravo Team.

Bravo Team’s mission is multi-layered, with the following objectives.

1) Distract The Falcon with a hot dog. This includes clean up, to avoid getting additional items not on The List just because The Falcon got ketchup on them.

2) Allow The Falcon to go and look at whatever he wants.

3) DO NOT let The Falcon climb on anything.

4) DO NOT let The Falcon pick up anything, especially anything breakable.

5) DO NOT agree to buy anything that The Falcon asks for, even if it is known to be on The List.

6) DO NOT LET HIM CLIMB ON ANYTHING.

It’s an excellent system. It works every time.

Eddie just definitely sucks at being assigned to Alpha Squad.

“You know I don’t remember what any of that means,” Eddie says, even though he definitely does. “What are we doing again?”

Buck sighs. “I do the shopping. You handle Theo.”

“Nice,” he says, picking Theo up out of the cart. “Hot dog time!”

Buck, as usual, is quick and efficient. He knows The List by heart. He indulges no distractions. He should really start timing himself; he’s sure he could get it down to a solid 30 seconds per item. Literally nothing could possibly get in his way.

“Evan?”

It’s different this time, hearing his name like that. For a moment, there’s a bloom of warmth, a familiar feeling of affection. Because he knows that voice.

He turns to face the man waiting at the other end of the aisle, and the warmth disappears just as quickly as it had manifested.

“Hey, Tommy.”

His ex-boyfriend pushes his cart closer to his, a tight smile on his face, and all Buck can think is Really? Again? A city the size of Los Angeles, a population of almost four million people, and he has to keep running into the people who broke his heart.

So much for no distractions.

“You’re looking good,” Tommy says, more diplomatically than anything. “I wanted to check in last year, after… after we saw each other, but it didn’t feel…”

The funeral, Buck remembers, looking away, down into their carts. His is full of wet wipes and fruit snacks and several gallons of juice. Tommy’s got protein powder and laundry detergent pods.

“Yeah, no, I’ve been fine. It’s been an… interesting year.” Buck says, managing to stop himself from trauma dumping all over this man who doesn’t know him anymore. That’s the most he needs to know, really. He soldiers on. “How have you been?”

“Oh, uh. I’ve been great. Not much new going on. Still flying. Still fighting.” His smile brightens then, wide and genuine. “Been dating, you know. Kinda getting serious.”

“Oh?” Buck says, pleased to note that information doesn’t seem to spark any kind of feeling in him at all.

“Yeah. He’s a stunt man, so… you know. He does a lot of work for– Well, actually, I’m not even supposed to know that. Let’s just say it’s a guy even you’d recognize.” Tommy smirks “And, we’re open, so, you know, if you think you’d ever want…?”

Buck’s not sure what his face does, but Tommy’s eyebrows go up. “Yeah, don’t worry, that was a joke,” he says, and Buck almost believes him. “I think I still know you well enough to know you wouldn’t…”

He trails off, attention caught by something further down the aisle behind Buck. The tell-tale rapid thwaps of little sandals on concrete give Buck an idea of what it is.

Theo appears beside him, arms wrapped around a box of Honey Nut Cheerios that’s almost as big as he is. Theo has refused to eat Cheerios for weeks, as the barely touched box currently in the pantry can attest. But he has really liked bees recently, ever since a trip to the garden center with Maddie and the gang, when Jee-Yun had told him that they make flowers grow.

“Eddie says I can have this,” Theo says, lifting the box above his head to try and tip it into the cart.

“Nooo.” Eddie’s a little out of breath as he comes up next to them. “I said we had to ask Buck first, remember?”

But he’s already stooping down, lifting Theo up from under his armpits and letting him throw the box down into the cart at full-force.

“Yeah, great, more cereal,” Buck says, doing nothing to stop them. “Great job, Bravo Team.”

“Eh, I’m sure Chris’ll eat it,” Eddie says as he puts Theo back down, giving him a high five for his excellent dunk.

Then Eddie looks up, eyes comically wide, and does the most exaggerated double take Buck has ever seen someone think they could pull off in person. “Oh, hey Tommy,” he says, with the same faux casual air that Chris has when he’s about to ask if he can break curfew. “Been a while, huh?”

Tommy gives him a tired, tight-lipped smile. “Hey, Eddie,” he says, voice strained. “And, uh… who’s this?’

Theo gives him a curious once-over, but quickly decides he’s much more interested in seeing if he can climb up into the cart all by himself. Eddie stands close behind, hands hovering and ready for the inevitable. Buck’s mouth feels very dry.

“So, this is Theo,” Buck starts his rote explanation. “He’s my friend Connor’s son. You know, the friend I, uh… helped?”

He gestures vaguely to try to get his point across. Eddie cuts him a sharp look for doing that in public, hands shifting like he's about to cover Theo's ears. Theo is long past wanting to listen, not that he would understand, focused entirely on getting his foot up over his own head.

"Oh. Right." Tommy snorts a laugh. "What, did they decide they wanted a refund?"

Immediately, he cringes at himself, and Eddie's hawk gaze turns on him.

“They’re dead,” Theo pipes up helpfully, apparently paying attention after all.

“Oh, fuck,” Tommy lets out, then immediately clamps his mouth shut.

Theo gasps, Eddie’s hands closing around his ears just a second too late. “He said the ‘Fuck’ word!”

"God, I’m sorry. I was just being a dick, I didn’t mean–"

"Of course. You didn't know," Buck gets in before Eddie gets a chance to start telling him off. 

His glare is back on him, now with an eyebrow raised in disbelief. He's going to give himself whiplash.

Theo suddenly drops back down to the floor, tipping dangerously on one leg for a second, two. Then he's off again, thwaping down the aisle and away from the weird adults and their weird conversation. Ever the slave to duty, Eddie sighs and follows him, giving Tommy a solid pat on the arm as he passes by. "Great seeing you, man," he says, as flat and dry as a desert.

They both watch them go, Theo making a beeline for a pyramid display of toilet paper, Eddie's warning call echoing through the store. Tommy has the decency to wait for him to be out of earshot before turning back to Buck with a knowing smile. "Well, I figured things with you two would go fast, but I didn't think you'd have another kid already."

"It's really not like that," Buck pleads weakly. But he's had this conversation enough times now to know it'll be no use.

Still, he had to try.

"I'm sure it's not," Tommy says with the same smug yet exhausted air about him as the last time they spoke about this. "He's just your straight friend that's helping you with your kid. Same thing you did with his kid. And look how that turned out. And I'm sure what everyone's saying about you moving in together are just rumors, right?"

Buck has to look away, first down at his feet and then at the box of cereal now in his cart. "He... he's not my kid," is all he can say. 

Tommy hums, a non-committal noise that Buck can't parse. They stand there for a moment, the silence only broken by the song playing overhead insisting that he feel the rain on his skin.

"You know what, who cares what I think? If whatever-it-is is working for you, then I'm happy for you. Really."

Like that doesn't make things even more humiliating.

"I mean, if I were you, I don't know how I'd keep my hands to myself but... Well, I'm not you, am I?"

They both turn to look towards the end of the aisle. Despite Eddie's best efforts, Theo has managed to scale the display, three packages deep and out of reach. The sixteen-pack of toilet paper he's perched on sags dangerously underneath him. Eddie is trying to carefully pick his way closer, foot lifted as he looks for a safe place to step, jeans pulling tight around his–

"You know, things really worked out for us both in the end." Tommy turns back around and Buck's eyes snap back to his face. "If we had stayed together this long, we probably wouldn't have lasted much longer."

"What does that mean?" Buck asks, his eyes narrowing. If they had stayed together, it would be almost two years at this point, he's pretty sure. Definitely the longest any of his relationships had lasted. Why so sure they would throw that away? Over Eddie? Over...?

"Kid's aren't exactly in my game plan, Evan,” Tommy says with a sigh, maybe exasperated, or maybe just sad. “It sounds like a really wonderful thing you’re doing, but I don’t think it’s something I’d have been able to do with you.”

He turns to look back at Eddie, and Buck can practically hear Tommy’s thoughts, clear as day, in the same tone as their last conversation. Lucky you, you already have someone who’ll do it with you, huh?

They both watch as Eddie finally gives in, leaning forward and balancing with one knee on some toilet paper that isn’t going to bear his weight for very long. Theo giggles and dodges away from his outstretched arms, managing to get himself even higher up the stack.

“I… I should probably go, uh, help.” Buck says, almost managing to hide his relief at getting out of this whole conversation. “Good to… It was nice…”

“I’ll see you around, Buck,” Tommy says, already making his way down the aisle. Buck watches him go, everything else he wishes he could say clogging up his throat.

But there’s a loud crash from behind him, and he turns and hurries before things get any worse.

~*~

“Did you ever talk about wanting more kids?”

Eddie’s dutifully paying more attention to traffic, neck craned to check for oncoming cars before making his turn, so it takes him a minute to answer. “What?”

“With the people you were dating– your girlfriends… Did you ever talk to them about wanting more kids?”

Eddie still doesn’t answer, and there’s not enough traffic around for Buck to convince himself that that’s what’s distracting him from his weird, invasive question.

Does Eddie even want more kids? Buck’s suddenly unsure. He loves being a dad, but he also hit the jackpot with Chris. It’s possible he wouldn’t want to mess with perfection.

“I feel like I’ve run into everyone I’ve ever dated since I got Theo,” Buck explains, turning enough to check on him in the back of the cab of the truck. He’s too occupied with gleefully slashing up fruit on his iPad to notice he’s being talked about.

“It’s just kinda made me realize, I don’t think I ever talked about kids with… with any of them.” He risks a look at Eddie, whose eyes are trained on the street ahead of them. “Is that weird?”

“I wouldn’t say weird,” Eddie finally says, slowly, choosing his words carefully. “It would have come up eventually. Or, I hope it would have.” He pauses. “I’d also hope it would’ve come up before you decide to move in together, but that’s just me.”

Buck can’t help his own self-deprecating snort. “Yeah, maybe if it wasn’t mostly panic that made me ask every time, it would have been a part of the conversation.”

“Why–” Eddie stops, and Buck sees him shake his head as he laughs humorlessly. “I’m guessing Tommy said something?”

“Nah, not much. Just that if we hadn’t broken up already we would have now. Because kids aren’t in his plan, or whatever.”

“God, what a… jerk.” It’s Eddie’s turn to glance into the rear-view mirror at their little passenger, who still does not give a poop about whatever the grown-ups are talking about.

“And… I don’t know.” Buck sighs. “It’s not like I disagree with him, or anything. Just… Well, Ali seems pretty settled as a dog mom. And I never got the sense that Taylor liked kids much. She’d always say she’d help me with Jee once she was old enough to have a personality…”

Buck’s maybe been thinking about this a lot lately. Each time he’s bumped into someone, his brain’s run the numbers on what his life could be like now if they were still together. Where he’d be. What his family would look like. It’s only natural, he’s convinced himself.

But Tommy, just… facing it head on, like he had. Addressing it directly, what a meaningless fantasy it all is. As if Buck needs more reasons to feel unmoored.

“Well, then, maybe it’s just another reason it’s a good thing those relationships ended when they did.” Eddie finally cuts through his thoughts. “Before you had to make a decision like you did with anyone who might try to talk you out of it.”

“That’s a little unfair–”

“Is it?” Eddie pauses again as they reach a stop sign, waiting for some joggers to finish crossing before he makes his next turn. “From where I’m standing, you’ve always been open about loving kids – about wanting kids. So if that’s not in their plan, or whatever, then that’s on them. They’re free to miss out on what a great dad you are.”

Buck wants to bask in the praise, he really does. But he can’t let himself.

You don’t know that I’m a great dad. I’m not a dad.

“Before you move in… so, you did have the talk with Marisol, then?” he asks, changing the subject completely. It’s a low blow, meant to distract. Buck feels awful.

“Mmm, and with Ana.” Eddie says, taking it in stride, completely comfortable. Buck forgives himself, but only a little. “It was the same talk, though. That I might want more kids in theory, but that it wasn’t the right time. New relationships and all.”

“And they were fine with that?” Buck asks, curious now.

“Yeah, I mean, they felt the same. At least, they agreed with what I said. But I think what I really meant was not so much that I was waiting for the right time, but waiting for the right person.”

And now, now, Eddie turns and looks at him. Buck can’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but his smile is soft and private and Buck… can’t. He knows Eddie’s talking about Shannon, making a joke of their last pregnancy scare, about how he was so ready to jump right back into it. But with a smile like that, Buck can’t help but this it’s about… That it’s directed at…

He can’t deal with it. He has to look away, leaning his face into the cradle of his seatbelt, watching the houses as they pass. It’s all familiar. He hadn’t even noticed.

They’re almost home – almost at Eddie’s.

~*~

Buck tries not to think about it, he really does. It’s not worth the brain power to mentally torture himself. But it keeps happening.

He sees Ali and Charley out on their morning jog. He gives them a little wave as he drives past, and imagines himself out jogging by their sides.

Another think piece crosses his feed about Jürgen Olaffson’s private ceremony at his home compound in Norway. He reads about how the small gathering still cost more than what thousands of his workers would ever make in a year, and imagines the much lighter piece about best selling author Taylor Kelly finally tying the knot.

They have to call air support to help with a lost hiker, now found but with a compound fracture. He sends Max up with the patient, and imagines going up himself, then going home with the pilot, where a kid turned out to be part of the game plan after all.

He puts dinner on the table, and Theo begs for Eddie to be the one to help cut up his chicken, because he does it the best. He watches Eddie laugh and acquiesce, but only if Theo shows him how good he's washed his hands, and he doesn't think of anything else at all.

Buck’s still deep in the funk of it during his next shift, sprawled out on the couch, phone clutched tightly in his hand, and he uses every scrap of willpower he possesses to not doomscroll Instagram. He tries to focus on the television, which Julie has commandeered for the morning, fully engrossed in her Hallmark Christmas movie marathon with a fresh bowl of popcorn in her lap.

Why this is on TV in the middle of summer is beyond him.

One blurs into the next, an endless sea of red and green and jingling bells, but when someone finally appears on screen, Buck sits up and takes notice.

She looks just the same, that hauntingly familiar face, dark hair with a blond streak. She’s baking cookies with a little girl while a voiceover warmly talks about family values and the spirit of the holidays and some other shit Buck can't be bothered to pay attention to.

Then, the woman practically looks into the camera, each word clear and exaggerated.

“If only… we could have Christmas in the summertime, too!”

Finally, the title appears: Christmas Online 3: Christmas in July

“The hell?” Buck says, completely dumbfounded.

“Oh, yeah, this one’s weird, but it's got kind of a cult following,” Julie says from her end of the couch, going in for another handful of popcorn. “So, that lady’s this big mommy influencer – even though she doesn’t have any kids – and the first one is all about her wanting to have this old fashioned country Christmas for her sponsors. But she grew up in the city, so she just picks this random small town…”

Buck tunes her out a little as he pulls up the movie’s IMDB page on his phone. And yeah, first actress listed, Kimberly Connelly. It’s an old headshot, black and white, her hair completely dark with side-swept bangs. He could print it out and put it on the bookcase in the living room, replace the picture that’s already nestled alongside Bobby’s and Isabel’s and Connor and Kameron’s, and most people probably wouldn't even notice the difference.

“… And so she not only learns the meaning of Christmas, she gets a stepdaughter, so she’s not lying anymore. And then the second one is basically the same thing. Only there’s this whole thing about her making Christmas her brand, which is a level of ironic that Hallmark definitely didn’t intend…”

Kim’s credits are all three Christmas Online movies and one other called Christmas Surf Party and then a pretty significant gap back to 2019. She’s got several upcoming Christmas themed projects. She even has a writing credit, on one called Ghost of Your Christmas Past, which Buck thinks they’ll all be avoiding, thank you.

He sends the link to her page to Eddie with about a dozen question marks.

“… So they rushed this one out while they still had the attention of the hate watchers and it’s… It’s the same thing about the true meaning of Christmas not being a brand. It just happens in the summer this time.”

“Wait, so you’ve already seen it?”

“Listen, Buckley, people do a lot of things when they’re away from the job and need to turn it off. I watch a lot of feel-good garbage."

"But... aren't you Jewish?"

The look he gets makes him decide it's time to retreat to the table in the kitchen.

Eddie hasn’t replied, hasn’t even read the message, but it’s late enough in the morning that he’s probably occupied with getting Theo to burn off some energy. The IMDB page is still up on his phone, and, well, while he's here, might as well look up that pilot Eddie might maybe be in, right? When no page comes up, he flips over to the Instagram he knows Marisol had camped out, only to find it still blank. That's fine, it takes time to shop around a pilot, but it's definitely the kind of feel-good garbage that's bound to be snapped up.

And, well, while he's on Instagram...

It's easy to navigate to Marisol's page, since the link is right there. She’s been documenting her progress on the nursery renovation as well as her baby bump, to no surprise. Buck waffles over giving her latest post a like before he ultimately decides against it.

He finds Ana Flores's page easy enough, but it's privated to hell. He can't blame her, if she's still working at a middle school, but they stopped following each other long ago. He wonders if Eddie still... But there’s no way he's about to ask about that.

He finally allows himself to pull up Abby's page. They're still friends, despite everything, though it's probably because Abby's not big on using socials. Her most recent post is her and her step daughters holding sparklers, the light of dusk catching her hair in a fiery glow. She's in cut-off shorts and a loose white button down, hair in a messy braid, smiling down at the younger girl. Buck's stomach twists and he has to back out.

Natalia's been in Thailand for the past year, her feed full of sandy beaches and crystal clear water and gorgeous sunsets. Buck's still not sure if she moved there to be with her new polycule or because she's joined some kind of sex cult, but she definitely seems happier, freer, with a renewed determination to live life to the fullest. So good for her, really.

He even finds himself checking in on Jade and Zane. Not much seems to have changed in the last few months, except for the gorgeous brunette that makes an appearance in both their posts. Maybe they've finally found their unicorn.

"Uh oh, your rejected throuple looking for another shot?" Chimney says, blatantly looking over his shoulder as he pulls out the chair next to him. Buck slams his phone face down on the table.

“They know you’re off the market now, right?” Hen asks as she slips into the seat across from him, fresh mug of tea in hand.

“I don’t know what they know about me, not that it matters at all,” he says, very convincingly. “We don’t even follow each other.”

Hen and Chim exchange a look, and he can feel the vibrations of their psychic conversation.

“So just… checking in, then?”

“Look, it’s no big deal, okay?” Buck says defensively. “It’s totally normal to want to look up your exes. I just… I’ve been a magnet for everyone I used to date these past few weeks. And it’s been… It’s been great, seeing how everyone’s so happy and fulfilled with their… whatever they’ve got going on now.”

“Oh, yeah,” Chim says around a laugh. “And they were definitely all completely, one hundred percent honest about all of that.”

“Mm, I’m sure Taylor Kelly’s thrilled to be known as some guy’s fiancée.” Hen smiles joylessly as she sips her tea.

“I know, I know. But…” Buck sighs, slumping back in his seat. “Everyone’s all nice and moved on now. Including me! I just… I don’t believe in the whole ‘win the breakup’ thing, but I’m still feeling like a loser right now, I guess.”

His friends look at each other again, discussing his humiliation with the slightest tic of their eyebrows and curl of their lips. Does it feel this bad when he and Eddie have their wordless discussions? Because damn.

Finally, Hen puts her mug down, crossing her arms on the table in front of her. “And what does Eddie think about all this?”

“Eddie?” Buck wasn’t expecting that. “I don’t know. I don’t know if he thinks anything about it. I mean, we kind of talked about it, but I don’t think he really gets it.” At some point, he picked up his phone and started to fiddle with it, balancing it on one corner and letting it twirl beneath his fingers. He watches the light reflect off the dark screen and mumbles a little. “I keep getting my face rubbed in everyone’s perfect lives. Meanwhile, he’s, like, BFFs with Marisol.”

“Aw, you feeling a little jealous?” Chimney says with an elbow to his ribs.

The phone loses its balance and clatters to the table. “What, no, she’s got a boyfriend. And she’s pregnant. And– And what would I even be jealous of?”

Chim nudges him again, like they’re sharing some joke. “It’s only natural, feeling threatened by the replacement best friend, now that you two are…” He doesn’t finish the thought, just moves his eyebrows in a way that makes Buck’s face start to flame.

“Oh my god.” Buck presses his palms against his eyes, hoping that when he looks again the world will go back to making sense. “Please, don’t start with that.”

“Don’t start with what?”

“You of all people should know that Eddie and I aren’t together!”

There’s a bubble of panic growing in his chest, trapped behind his solar plexus. He might be yelling a little bit.

Chim stares at him for a moment before his forehead furrows in confusion. “We talking about the same Eddie here? Eddie Diaz? About six foot, big brown eyes, abs you could grate cheese on? That Eddie?”

“Eddie, your partner? Who you live with? And are raising your kids with? And are sleeping with?” The way Hen says it, the lift of her eyebrows and the tilt of her head, makes her meaning clear.

“Sleeping next to,” Buck corrects her, a little desperately, his stomach dropping. “We’re sharing a bed but we’re not… It’s not…”

Hen sighs and reaches out towards him, laying what she probably thinks is a comforting hand on the table between them. “Listen, Buck, I appreciate you wanting to protect your man. And you know I wouldn’t just blast someone’s business around for no reason. But if you guys having sex is supposed to be a secret, then I don’t think Eddie–”

“I’m not having sex with Eddie!” Buck lies.

Hen looks at him, then to Chimney, then back to him. Her comforting, infinite patience melts away. She looks like she wants to go lie down. “Well, Eddie sure is having sex with somebody,” she finally says.

Buck’s mouth opens but no sound comes out.

“Tell me,” Hen continues before he can get himself together. “Do you know any other Bucks with cute, weird butts who can really throw a guy around?” Her hand snaps up to point at him emphatically. “Not my phrasing.”

“He really likes your weird butt,” Chimney adds unhelpfully.

“And… other parts of you.” Hen’s lip curls in mock disgust. “Get half a glass of wine in that man and he is not shy about letting anyone who will listen know it.”

Buck swallows, at a complete loss for words.

How is he supposed to explain that it’s not what they think? That he and Eddie are just two red-blooded, adult men with no time or desire to date and who currently have no choice but to share a bed.

And that sometimes, stuff happens in that bed, in the dark of night, that’s just between them.

And sometimes, if they’re really pent up or pressed for time, that stuff might happen in their shower.

And, once, in the living room, on the floor next to the couch, so they wouldn’t have to get the damn thing steam-cleaned again. Eddie ended up with such bad carpet burn that they agreed it would never happen again.

And, yeah, sometimes it's… it’s not that. It’s gentler, in the light of day, in the kitchen, or the back yard, the cab of one of their trucks. Stolen kisses and touches, looks that make Chris pretend to gag whenever they’re not careful and he sees them.

But that’s just, like, a preview to all the secret sex stuff that’ll happen later. They’re both a little starved for affection and willing to take what they can get, so what?

It’s not like there’s anything romantic about any of it!

And Buck barely even thinks about it. Refuses to, in fact, when it’s not actively happening. Because it’s meaningless, and means nothing, and he doesn’t have to think about it at all. He never thinks of the give of Eddie’s thighs under his fingers, the taste of his sweat that he laps from his throat, the sounds he makes when Buck settles between his legs and...

Whatever, none of that is special. It’s totally like any other random, quasi-anonymous sex he’s ever had – and he’s had a lot of it! He would know!

It’s all just physical. Convenient.

They’re not in a relationship!

And, besides, Eddie’s still straight!

Which is what he tells Hen and Chimney, in a pathetic, pleading whine that’s sure to make them want to just… let it go.

Chim’s forehead hits the table with a loud thunk. Hen’s hands fly up, hovering close to her head like she’s about to grab hair that she doesn’t have. “Are you fucking serious right now, Buckley?”

“Dude, he came out to everyone weeks ago,” Chimney says into the grain of the table.

“We had a cake and everything!”

Buck remembers that cake. White frosted, seven thin layers in all the colors of the rainbow. Eddie had brought him a piece, had presented it to Buck with this little knowing smile that Buck had always assumed was a commentary about him, not Eddie.

That was back when he was still out on leave, only a few days after Buck agreed to move in. They would have only had sex, like, a handful of times at that point.

“I… I thought that was for Pride,” he says, weakly.

“It was for pride! Our pride in Eddie!” Chimney declares, finally sitting up again.

“And that was in May,” Hen says, more than a little judgmental, which, fair.

“Also, hey! Also!” It’s Chim’s turn to point at him as he almost jumps out of his seat. “You signed a relationship disclosure!”

“Ha!” Hen laughs in triumph, like that proves anything.

“What? No! I–” Buck stutters, the bubble of panic rising into his throat. He remembers, then, somewhere in the stack of papers he had signed for his return to work, one form in particular. “You said… Because we both changed to the same address, so we had to…”

“Eddie had already signed one,” Chim says simply. “Eddie had requested to sign one. Like, as soon as he bought the house.”

Buck’s ears are buzzing. That can’t be right.

“Buck, he tells you he loves you every shift change,” Hen adds, her amusement fading into something that sounds like pity.

“He… he does love me…” Buck says, voice tight.

“… As a friend,” they all say in unison.

Buck groans and covers his face with his hands, pressing hard against his forehead with his fingertips. He feels a headache coming on.

If he thought he was miserable before, seeing the lives he could have had with people he used to care about, it’s nothing compared to this. Having it all rubbed in his face, how easy it is for people to think he and Eddie could actually be together like that. How knowing just a little bit of their private business gets even the people closest to them to jump to conclusions.

Buck’s nowhere near that lucky.

If he could actually be with Eddie, as a partner, as a for real actual life partner, don’t they know he’d grab that opportunity with both hands and never, ever let it go? Don’t they know he’d be yelling that fact from the rooftops?

He’s taking what he can get and he’s completely fine with it and the last thing he needs is for people to question that.

“Buck,” Hen says, her gentle patience back. “I think maybe you need to talk to–”

The tones go off.

Buck has never been so happy to hear the signal of someone in trouble in his life.

“Can we drop this now?” he says as he gets to his feet, bounding over to the pole.

Thankfully, they do.

~*~

Eddie finally replies to his text about Kim when they’re in the engine. A simple, Wow. Good for her.

Then, Guess I can finally go back to the mall again.

Then, Hey, Kim, you want to dress up as my dead wife again? I have some new stuff I want to tell her.

And then a picture. Theo in the backyard, in his swim trunks and sitting in a puddle, a row of sloppy mud pies surrounding him as he cheeses at the camera.

Then, a second picture. A selfie, Eddie also in trunks, angled to show off his mud-splashed torso, messy finger prints smudged along his pecs, his shoulders, his neck.

It’s a great picture of Eddie’s chest. And abs. And face, too, squinting against the sun in a way that makes it look like he’s winking.

Buck makes sure no one is paying him any attention before he saves it.

~*~

Their last call runs long and B-Shift is already settled in when the engine returns. Buck skips the shower, changing into his civvies as fast as he can before tearing out of the locker room, ears open for familiar screaming laughter.

He finds Eddie, still in an LAFD t-shirt and jeans, leaning up against his truck in the parking lot. Theo’s got some sidewalk chalk, the pavement around him covered in messy scribbles. He’s focused intently on covering his hands with the stuff, several white, smudgey hand prints already pressed into the side of Max’s Prius, innocently parked next to them.

“Sorry,” Buck apologizes, out of breath as he jogs up to them. “Long call, we–”

“Don’t worry about it. Captain Howell kept me updated.” Eddie looks him over, calm and assessing. “Skipped the shower, huh? C’mere, you got a little…”

Buck leans into Eddie’s raised hand, expecting he’s got some soot in his hair or grime on his skin. But Eddie’s fingers tangle in the fabric of his shirt, and he pulls him in and presses their mouths together.

Buck's eyes slip closed as he kisses back. Eddie sighs into him, and Buck teases his tongue just past the seam of his lips. It’s all automatic. Familiar. Easy.

As much as it doesn’t mean anything, and as much as he doesn't think about it, there aren’t very many things that Buck can name that are better than kissing Eddie Diaz.

There’s a sharp tug on Buck’s shirt as Eddie pulls him closer, throwing them off balance. His hands come up to brace himself against the side of the truck, and Eddie laughs into it as Buck cages him in. Eddie’s fingers curl around the back of his neck to hold him in place. Their mouths open wider, their tongues sliding together, their breathing growing heavy.

There’s a sudden crack of laughter from behind them, and Buck jumps away, red-faced and breathless. Hen smiles at him as she unlocks her car, an eyebrow arching up over the frames of her sunglasses. “See you later, boys,” she says, and they watch in silence as she climbs in and drives away.

“Sorry,” Eddie says when they’re finally alone again, and Buck forces himself to turn and face him. “I know, I know, no PDA.” He offers up a placating grin, like this is something they ever actually discussed before. Which, yeah, it would be an obvious rule, if they were together.

But they’re not together.

But, then, why would Eddie…?

He gets his answer as Eddie leans in close, breath hot against his ear, whispering for just the two of them, “You can spank me for it, later.”

Ah. Eddie’s just horny. That explains everything.

He watches as Eddie crouches down to face Theo. “See you at home, little man,” he says, and accepts Theo’s high five of goodbye. It leaves a mess of chalk on his palm that he stares at as he gets back to his feet. After a moment, he presses his hand back to Buck’s chest, wiping the worst of it off on Buck’s shirt. “See you at home, big man,” he says, and he lets his fingers catch in the fabric again, pressing one last quick kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth.

Because Eddie's horny, Buck keeps telling himself. Tomorrow morning, he'll get off shift and then they'll get off, and then things will go back to normal.

“Who’s ready for pancakes?” he turns and asks Theo, hands on his knees as he gets to his level.

“Me!” Theo yells like there’s a chance someone else could beat him to it.

Buck gathers up Theo and the dregs of his chalk and books it to his own truck, gone before Max can catch them white-handed at the scene of the crime.

~*~

Doctor Nikolina Berkovskaya has a Ph.D. in early childhood development and another in environmental psychology. She’s published a bunch of papers on the long term outcomes of children growing up in what she calls non-traditional environments, openly citing her and her siblings growing up in a totalitarian political regime as what drives her work. She focuses on things like poverty, immigration, non-nuclear family structures. Things like the death of one or more parents or caregivers.

Buck had tried to read one of those papers once, and got lost in a sea of unfamiliar terms, fell down the rabbit hole of referenced studies and previous work. He hadn’t made it past the second page.

The point is, she’s really smart.

Theo knows her only as Miss Nina. His first day at her Pre-K program, he had been so excited he threw up his entire plate of tutti-fruitti pancakes all over her shoes. And she had just smiled at Buck with a little helpless shrug, and said “Well, that’s why I keep at least three extra pairs in my office.”

She’s giving him that same smile now, understanding and patient, as he works his way through what she just told him.

“You’re sure?” he asks, for the third time.

“Yes, Buck,” she says in the way she must talk to all of her students. “Theo is doing just fine.”

It’s a Saturday, not a usual day for the program but an open house day. Family and friends of all the kids are milling around the large, airy room, checking out art projects, scoping out the reading corner, helping themselves to the snack table. Most of the kids are outside on the playground, plenty of raucous yelling and laughter floating in from the open doorway in the back. It is not any kind of parent-teacher conference, the multiple notices had said. There will be no mandatory check-ins or progress reports. It’s just a chance for caregivers to get a closer look at where their children are spending their days, and, more importantly, to meet each other for more than the minute they have during drop off and pick up.

There’s a particularly loud scream from outside, and Buck looks back at Miss Nina as he tries not to cringe. “I mean he’s… I know he’s a lot, so if he’s causing any trouble…?”

“He’s not,” she’s quick to assure him. But the patient facade slips into something a little more grown-up. “Theo certainly is… energetic,” she allows. “And incredibly curious, but that’s not something I’m about to discourage.”

“Oh, of course. Of course.”

“The way I see it, he’s been developing excellent problem-solving skills.”

Buck lets out a snort that’s almost a laugh. “Yeah, if the problem is ‘How do I get into places I’m not supposed to be?’”

“And for a four-year-old, that can actually be a problem.” Nina shrugs, like she’s not blowing his mind right now. “Sometimes, he just needs a reminder of the difference between ‘can’t’ and ‘shouldn’t’. And in the meantime, you can look at it as him developing his spatial awareness, his fine motor skills, his gross motor skills…” She pulls her phone out of her back pocket. “If you’d like, we can schedule a sit down, review our observations of all of his developmental milestones?”

“No, that won’t be…” Buck pauses. “Yeah, please, actually. That sounds great.”

He’s aware of the real parents lingering a polite distance away, probably eager to talk to the impressive women they’ve entrusted with their children’s health, safety, and early education. But even as he gets his appointment on the books, he can’t help but ask for more. “And, uh… he’s been okay with the other kids?”

Miss Nina sighs but doesn’t break, made of much tougher stuff, used to dealing with little minds that can’t take the hint. “There have been a few conflicts, but nothing too concerning. He’s butted some heads for being loud, or interrupting, or monopolizing resources…”

She looks at him with a raised brow. Buck nods quickly as he takes the hint.

“And there was…” she pauses, her face growing serious. “There’s another student who… She recently lost her nana… She had lived with her her whole life, so she was a lot for her to process. And Theo was able to just… sit with her. Talk to her in a way I don’t think any of us were able to. And… I think it helped her a lot.”

Buck’s heart acheses. The corners of his eyes grow wet. A messy mixture of sadness and pride bubbles up in his throat and he needs a moment before he can speak.

“Sucks, that someone so little is able to do something like that.”

Miss Nina puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and gives him another moment to gather himself together. “Has he shown you the picture he chose to put on the wall yet?”

Buck glances over towards the entrance to the display of work the kids wanted to show off. The wall is covered in drawing and crafts, a chaotic mess of rainbow colors and beads and feathers and glitter. Buck’s sure every child knows exactly where their things are, and have been encouraged to show their stuff to their guests.

“Not yet,” Buck admits, because Theo had torn away from him and run outside to the play area the second they had arrived.

Nina nods. “Well, make sure he does before you leave.”

Buck clears his throat, subtly wiping at his eyes. “And, uh… no other incidents with Jaime?”

That gets her to laugh, bright and sudden. “Oh, not sure if you heard, but Jaime is his bestest best friend now.” She looks around before nodding at the other side of the room. “Looks like your Eddie is already connecting with his mamá.”

A chill runs through him at the mention of His Eddie. He glances over to follow her gaze, correction on his tongue.

He freezes completely.

Eddie’s over at the snack table – of course he is – half a slice of zucchini bread resting in his palm, too busy talking to Ana Flores to eat the rest.

She looks… She’s beautiful. Gorgeous. Hasn’t changed a bit since the last time he saw her. Same long, full hair. The same brilliant smile, directed right at Eddie. Eddie, whose head is thrown back in full-body laughter. Eddie, who’s His Eddie, even though he isn’t, talking to Ana Flores, his kid who’s not his kid’s bestest best friend’s mamá.

Buck thinks he might throw up all over Miss Nina’s shoes.

There’s a squeeze around his shoulder. “You’ll have to excuse me,” Nina says, already retreating away towards some eagerly waiting adults. “But I’m glad we’ll be talking next week, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, barely hearing her as he makes his way towards the snack table.

They’re still laughing, in their own private world, as Buck approaches. Ana notices him first, turning that smile on to him. “Hey, Buck,” she says warmly. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, Ana. Or, uh…” He pauses dramatically, clasping his hands together in front of him. “Or should I say, Jaime’s mom?”

Eddie’s clearly already heard the news, because his only reaction is to help himself to another bite of zucchini bread. “Jaime Carroll-Flores,” he says with his mouth full. “Who would have thought, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m kinda surprised we haven’t run into each other already.” Buck smiles back at her in a way that is not at all forced. “Good thing they had a day like today, so you actually know where the place is, am I right?”

He hears Eddie sigh deeply from beside him. Ana cocks her head slightly, studying him as she answers. “Yeah, it’s unfortunate. I’m usually already at work for drop off time. Jess is our certified drop off, pick up expert.”

The words are barely out of her mouth when someone appears by Ana’s side, as if she’d been summoned. And, oh, Buck’s seen her around. She’s got close-cropped hair and a dozen piercings in each ear. She’s probably a full foot shorter than him, with biceps that rival his own. She could probably bench press him. She could probably wipe the floor with him, if push comes to shove.

She reaches around Ana, grabbing a little cup of trail mix from the snack table, stretching up to drop a kiss on her cheek while she’s close.

Ana leans into it, a blush warming her cheeks as she wraps an arm around the other woman’s shoulders. “This is Jessica Carroll,” she says in introduction. “My wife.”

Which, obviously.

Still not something that Buck had seen coming.

“Jess, this is Evan Buckley. He’s the one fostering Theo,” Ana continues. Jess gives him a nod. Buck’s still too shocked to respond in kind.

“And this…” It’s Ana’s turn to pause dramatically, turning to face Eddie. “This is Edmundo Diaz.”

Jess stiffens, looking to Ana in disbelief before looking at Eddie again. “Edmundo, like… The Edmundo Diaz?”

Eddie’s face goes pink as he brushes crumbs from his fingers. “Oh, wow. Whatever Ana’s told you about me, I’m… I’m sure she was way too nice about it.”

“Hmm,” Jess looks Eddie up and down assessingly. Buck notices her arm curling around Ana’s waist, pulling her a little tighter to her side. “She didn’t say much, just that you were her last boyfriend. And that you made her realize she wanted something better–”

“Oh, stop it,” Ana says, giving her wife’s arm an obvious pinch. “I just… I realized I had some things to figure out, after we broke up.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Eddie says.

A large, warm hand settles on the small of Buck’s back.

He can feel Eddie’s eyes on him.

He can feel all of their eyes on him.

There’s a sudden, high-pitched ringing. No one seems concerned about it.

His chest feels tight.

The next breath he manages to suck in is loud and ragged.

He feels Eddie’s fingers curl and press into him, an attempt at grounding him with pressure on his spine.

“Are you okay?” he hears, underwater and miles away.

“Oh, yeah, I’m–”

There’s a loud crash and several high-pitched screams from outside.

Everyone freezes. Buck finally lets himself look at Eddie, and they both silently count down the seconds until there’s a voice from the back door.

“Um… Is Mr. Buckley here?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here.” Buck steps away, and stops Eddie as he makes moves to follow him with a hand on his chest. “You stay here, catch up.” He gives Ana another tight-lipped smile. “It was great to see you again, Ana.”

Miss Paloma, in charge of supervising the play area today, meets him at the doorway. “No one’s hurt,” she assures him right away. “A picnic table collapsed. And… we’re not saying we know who’s definitely responsible but–”

“No, it was probably Theo. I get it.”

It’s hot out, which only makes Buck realize he’s already sweat through the nice button-up he’s wearing. He’s led over to the little picnic area, a small crowd of children gathered around a pile of thick, sturdy wood, worn down with time and use. It’s almost impressive, really, that Theo managed to break it. Allegedly.

“I didn’t mean to!” Theo says the moment he sees Buck approach, standing off to one side under the careful watch of Mr. Blake. “I mean, I didn’t do it!”

“Some of the kids say he told them to move away before he crawled underneath,” Miss Paloma whispers to him. 

Buck looks over the group of kids. There are a few tears and nervous looks, but no one’s hurt, like she said. So, at least there’s that.

“C’mon, little man,” crouching down to lift Theo up. “Let’s have a talk, okay?”

As Theo settles on his hip, there’s a distinct, tinkling sound of metal clinking together. Buck closes his eyes and counts to five before looking over at him. “Theo, what’s in your pocket?”

Slowly, shyly, Theo pulls out a handful of screws and washers, so large and sturdy they barely fit in his little hand.

They take a lap around the play area, walking slow and steady, keeping things calm. Eventually, Theo admits that, yes, he did do it, and, yes, he knew his friends could get hurt, which is why he told them to step away. Yes, he’ll apologize. Yes, he promises, he’ll never, ever do it again.

That settled, they head back inside, where it’s cooler and quieter and full of boring grown-ups. It will have to do as punishment for now.

Buck finally comes to a stop at the wall of art, taking a moment to soak in the unrestricted, barely organized chaos. “Miss Nina said you were proud of the picture you picked to put up,” he says as he scans each paper, hoping some of the scribbles will jump out at him as familiar. “Do you want to show me, bud?”

Theo leans over in his arms to point to one of the drawings at the far edge. There’s a lot crammed into the small area: there are a half dozen figures plopped into a sea of blue and green and red, a black mess taking over the whole right side of the page, the requisite smiling sun and lazy-m’s of birds. “Wow,” Buck says as he steps up closer, within Theo’s range. “That’s really cool. You want to tell me about it?”

Theo rolls his eyes with his whole head, a little drama queen move that he’s picked up from Chris. He does it every time someone asks him about one of his drawings, because his artistic vision should be clear and obvious to everyone, as far as he’s concerned.

“That’s me,” he says, starting with a small smiling face in the middle. “And that’s Charley, but she doesn’t live with us, so she’s in her own house.” He points to the black mess to the side. “And that’s my you and that’s my Eddie, and that’s your truck and that’s his truck, if they could be one truck.” That’s the two larger figures, and the mess of blue and black that makes them almost impossible to see. “And that’s my Chris,” he says, pointing to the other side, and the green blob that’s probably supposed to be his rollator. “And that’s my mommy and daddy,” he finishes with the last two figures, popping up from the bottom of the page, surrounded by a mess of red.

Buck swallows thickly. “And, um… why are your mommy and daddy down there?”

“Cuz that’s them in my heart,” Theo says, like it’s the obvious answer. “I was gonna put them… there.” He jabs his finger at his own stick figure body. “But they’re bigger than me. I woulda gotten hid.”

Relief floods through him. “Right. Of course.” Buck’s eyes are wet for the third time today, that same mix of pride and sorrow making his throat feel tight. “That’s a really good drawing, Theo,” he chokes out. “Whenever you get to bring it home, it’s going right on the fridge where everyone can see.”

He presses a kiss to the side of Theo’s face, and can’t stop the grin when he makes a show of rubbing it away.

“Oh, I miss the art talk?” Eddie comes to stand beside them. He looks at Buck, the slope of his eyebrows asking Everything all right? Buck answers with a tilt of his head, an I’ll tell you later. Eddie turns his attention back to Theo. “You mind telling me about it now?”

There’s another full body eye roll. Eddie bites his lip, clearly trying not to smile too much at the blatant Christopher-ism.

Buck watches Eddie as Theo goes over his drawing again, the exact same beats in the exact same way. Eddie’s eyes get bigger and wetter the more he hears, and they fly to look at Buck with concern when they get to his mommy and daddy. “That’s them in his heart. Otherwise, he would have gotten hid,” Buck explains, watching the same relief roll over him.

“That’s very cool,” Eddie says, and Buck can hear the same tightness in his throat. “It’s going right in the middle of the fridge when you bring it home.”

Buck laughs, and Eddie laughs too, even though he can’t possibly know what’s so funny.

And he’s not His Eddie, Buck knows, but he is Theo’s Eddie, same as he’s Theo’s Buck. And that… that counts for something. Something that made room in his chest a long time ago. A warm, fuzzy thing that it’s getting harder and harder to keep contained.

And maybe that thing takes over. Or maybe Buck just lets himself want a little, lets himself give into the illusion that any of this is really his.

But here, at the entrance of a Pre-K classroom, in front of friends and family and Ana Flores, Buck leans over and kisses Eddie.

It’s not much. Just a peck, really. But it’s far more than he’s ever let himself do outside of the safety of Eddie's house. Not counting certain incidents outside of the station that definitely didn’t happen, of course.

And Eddie doesn’t pull away or protest, doesn’t even look around furtively to check who may have seen. Eddie just… kisses him back, short and sweet. Then he turns and presses a kiss to the same side of Theo’s head, to his great disgust and annoyance. And then he turns back to the display of kid art, ready to scathingly critique the best efforts of some four-year-olds.

Eddie’s hand rests, warm and steady, at the small of Buck’s back.

~*~

Chimney’s gone silent.

The fire in the apartment building’s basement is out, but it’s messed with the HVAC, and there’s enough dust and thick, black smoke billowing out of vents on every floor to keep everyone on alert. They’re all helping the residents evacuate, clearing floors as they look for stragglers. Chimney had been with Buck when he found the little girl hidden under her bed. She’s maybe around three, face streaked with tears and soot, clinging to a ratty stuffed octopus like her life depends on it.

“There, there,” Buck tries to soothe as she squirms and dodges his attempts to get his auxiliary mask on her. “I know, it’s scary out here with all the brrrrrs and lights and stuff. But I’ll get you back to your people, yeah?”

“Buckley, she’s not listening. You’re just as scary as any of that,” Chimney chimes in over his headset. “Just get her out of here, I’ve got the rest here.”

It’s not until little Kaisa is delivered into the arms of her mother, and her mother no longer needs to be restrained from running back into the building, that Buck catches up on what the others have already noticed.

Chimney hasn’t exited yet. And he’s stopped answering their calls.

“At least there’s no actual fire now, yeah?” Buck asks, fighting back against the pit in his stomach.

“You don’t know that,” Hen says, eyes searching the windows for any kind of sign. “This much smoke, there’s likely a secondary ignition in the vents. And it could have burned through to a gas line. These walls are so thick, we probably wouldn’t have heard an explosion from out here.”

It’s stuff they all know, stuff that they can’t afford to be in denial about. But it still does suck to hear.

“We’re all going to get fired again, aren’t we?” Ravi mutters. Buck gives him a shove to shut him up.

The front door bursts open. A curtain of smoke and debris frames a figure in dark turnouts. Powerful. Awe-inspiring. Another firefighter slung over their shoulders in a picture-perfect rescue carry.

He pulls off his mask once he’s clear of the smoke. “I got him!” Max says, sweat dripping down his face, slicking his hair to his forehead.

“Great. You can put me down now,” they all hear Chimney say, and relief rolls through them all like a gentle wave.

"He was in the north stairwell," Max explains as he eases their Captain onto a gurney. "I think the elevator shaft was causing interference."

"And the concrete walls." Chim grunts and tears at the fastenings of his coat. He's got his left leg elevated, his foot pointing stiffly. "I, uh... I tripped. And I think my ankle's busted."

Hen barely gets her hands on his boot before he’s hissing in pain and trying to bat her away. She gives him a flat look. “Ravi, get me the saw.”

“How’d you get to him so fast?” Buck asks, ignoring them as they start to argue.

Max shrugs. “Well, he last checked in at fifth floor south when you e-vaced with the girl from fifth floor north four minutes forty seconds before he stopped responding. Rosen and Panikkar had checked in from third floor south a minute five seconds after that. And Wilson and I had just finished clearing the sixth floor about twenty five seconds before she noticed he’d gone dark. In that time frame, he would have gone to fifth north to finish up for you, Buckley, and when he was done there, he would have moved to the closest available egress to fourth floor, right? I just followed his path.”

They stare at him.

“So you… you checked the stairs?” Ravi finally breaks the silence.

“Yeah, like I said.” Max looks between all of them, the scared little puppy look easing back into his eyes. “Right?”

“Do… do you always do that thing with the times?” Buck asks.

“Yeah, I mean… Ravi’s always saying how important accuracy and timing are.”

“I do?” Ravi stands up straighter. “I mean, yeah, I do! But I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone actually count down like that before. Well, besides that time Buck had lightning superpowers.”

“The time what?”

“Hey, so, Sam’s little party trick sure is neat and all, but can we maybe get me to an X-ray?” 

Hen rolls her eyes at Chimney’s dramatics as she and Julie get the gurney in the back of the rig. 

“Buck, take the conn!” he yells out before the door slams closed.

“He means you’re in charge,” Hen says before he has the chance to ask.

“Oh.”

He’s in charge.

He’s in charge.

He’s in charge?

“Are you sure?” he tries to ask, but it’s already too late. He watches the ambulance pull away just as their backup arrives. Members of the 133 start to pile out of their engine. Harry gives them a wave as he cracks open the equipment compartment. Lucy jumps out of the front, face set and serious. And, well, Buck’s in charge, so he heads over to meet with her.

“Great work, Sam. Keep it up,” he says as he passes the newbie who’s really no longer a newbie, giving him a firm pat on the back.

Sam grins back at him. “Hey, you called me–” He stops at Buck’s curious brow raise and reigns himself back in. “Thank you, um… sir.”

“What you got for me, Buckley?” Lucy asks at his approach, all business.

“Captain Han’s out of commission, so… I’m in charge.” He maybe puffs out his chest a little. So sue him.

Lucy’s lips purse as she holds back her grin. “Well, Captain Buckley. It’s your scene. Put us to work.”

~*~

“… Turns out, it’s just a bad sprain. A little ice, some rest, he’ll be back in a week.”

Eddie smirks as he sprays down the next panel of glass. “Does that mean we get a week of Interim Captain Buckley?”

Buck sighs, running the squeegee down the panel. “I don’t think so.”

“Really? He gave it right to Hen?”

“No, no, he offered it to me. I turned it down.”

Eddie stops, spray bottle frozen in his hand, and looks at him in shocked silence.

“Don’t get me wrong, I liked the whole ‘being in charge’ part. The look on Ravi’s face when he realized he had to do whatever I told him was… I wish I could have taken a picture, you should have seen it. And, like… it was nerve-wracking, at first, being the one to actually make the calls. But after a while it was… it was…”

“Easy?”

“No, not easy. But… yeah, kind of easy? I just… I knew what I was doing. And I don’t feel like I have to prove that to anyone anymore. Not even myself. Being out there, trusting my team… That’s all no problem. But out of the field…”

“Boring?”

“Sooo boring.” Buck leans his forehead against the glass, the next to be cleaned so he can smudge it up as much as he wants. “I only have to write up two incident reports, and I’m ready to go out and set something else on fire, so I can be free.”

“But then? Third incident report.” Eddie nudges him out of the way and sprays at the imprint of Buck’s face.

“Diaz!”

They both jump, standing at attention as they turn to face Captain Howell.

“Now, I know I’ve told you before, my crew is not a babysitting service and my engine is not a playground.”

“I know, Cap, just…” Eddie shrugs. “They offered?”

Theo had managed to charm the pants off of most of Eddie’s coworkers from the mornings where their hand offs hadn’t gone so smoothly. Right now, he’s in the driver’s seat of the engine with Eddie’s paramedic partner Natalie at his side, while some guy Buck doesn’t really know, Alvarez, keeps running around in front, being obstacles Theo can swerve to miss.

Probably not the best thing to be teaching him, but he’s having so much fun doing it.

“Buckley!”

Buck startles. “Yes!”

“Why are you still here?”

“I’m, uh… finishing reports?” He tries to subtly hand the squeegee off to Eddie behind their backs, not that it does much good.

Howell shakes his head, the hard-ass facade slipping away. “Buckley, please, just kiss your husband, grab your kid, and get out of here, yeah? The reports will still be there later, trust me.”

Buck opens his mouth but only a single squeak of air manages to get past his throat. Howell pays him no mind, just turns towards the engine, arms up and screaming before he splats himself against the front. They can hear Theo’s delighted cackle from here.

“So, we’ll swing by to see Chimney tomorrow? I want to rub it in as soon as I get a chance.”

Buck whips his head around to look at Eddie, who’s turning back to the locker room windows like he doesn’t even care that his captain just said something completely crazy.

Eddie never seems to care.

“Yeah, uh… I’ll throw together a casserole today. Play up the whole invalid thing.”

“Perfect. Text me, okay?”

“’Course. Stay safe.”

“You too.” Eddie leans into him, letting his lips brush lightly at the corner of Buck’s mouth. “Love you.”

And Buck… ignores it. Like he always does. He has to, or he’ll spend the rest of the day spiraling, and it’s just not worth it. So his brain fills in the unspoken As a friend, he files it away with the rest of the things he refuses to think about, and he becomes wholly occupied with getting Theo out of that damn engine.

~*~

“Goodnight little house. And goodnight mouse. Goodnight comb…” Buck slows his reading, sneaks a peek at the little body sacked out beside him. Theo’s eyes are closed, his breathing even, Pi held loosely in his hand. But that doesn’t mean he’s asleep yet.

This is a lesson Buck’s learned well.

“And goodnight brush,” he continues, turning a page. “Goodnight Optimus Prime. And goodnight Kermit the Frog. And goodnight Nessie, all safe in her loch.”

He pauses again. Nothing. Theo would never allow such an egregious change to his bedtime book, even in the name of being silly. He’s completely, safely, asleep.

“Goodnight Theo,” Buck whispers. Carefully and quietly, he closes the book and places it on top of the pile on the night stand. He clicks the lamp off, leaving them in the soft blue glow of his fishy night light. The white noise machine has been on since before bedtime story number one, and it’s playing the quiet rush of waves against the sand.

Buck lets himself sit there, just for a moment, letting his eyes slip shut, letting himself breathe. Letting himself imagine, while it’s safe and quiet and private, that all of this is–

“Buck?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“Can I stay here?”

Buck laughs a little as he shifts, putting an arm around Theo and resting his hand on his shoulder. “It’s your room, little man. Of course you can stay.”

“No, I mean. With you.” Theo sniffles, curling up into Buck’s side. “I don’t wanna get taken away,” he says mostly into Buck’s stomach, voice small and quiet and trying to disappear.

Buck’s stomach drops. “Who told you that?” His mind races at a thousand miles a minute. The kids at his program must know about his situation by now, based on what Miss Nina had told him, his drawing of them all together, the fact that Theo still brackets any mention of his parents with an innocent but solemn “They’re dead.” He may be best friends with Jaime now, but there are plenty of other kids he’s butted heads with. Buck wouldn’t put it past one of them to point out how Theo doesn’t belong here, how he could just be taken away any day now and handed off to some strangers who don’t even care about him half as much as Buck–

His blood runs cold.

“Theo,” he tries again, voice thick but gentle. “Who told you that you’d get taken away?”

Theo lets out a wet little hiccup, curling up tighter into himself. Buck rubs a soothing hand along his back, slowly up and down, projecting calm patience while his heart thunders inside his chest.

“You… you tell everyone that I’m gonna go away. And I’ve been– I’ve been so g-g-good.” The dam bursts, and Theo starts to sob. They’re not the huge, gut-wrenching wails that come with his night terrors – sobs he hasn’t heard in weeks. This is quiet. Private.

Something he’s used to keeping to himself.

The dam bursts inside Buck, too, and his own tears start to fall as he hauls Theo up and clutches him to his chest.

Of course he heard him. Of course he’s been listening all this time. Of course Buck’s gone and ruined everything because he doesn’t fucking think.

“No one’s going to take you away, sweetheart,” he whispers frantically into Theo’s curls. “If… if you say you want to stay, then I will do everything I can to make sure you can.”

It’s an impossible promise, he knows, but one he has to make. It’s been a while since their last visit with Diedra. Last he heard, there had been one of Connor’s cousins on the east coast who she’d been struggling to make contact with. Tomorrow, he’s going to call, see if there’s any update. He probably shouldn’t have been told even that much, but, dammit, he needs to know.

It’s been months, a not-insignificant fraction of a four-year-old’s life. Anyone who hasn’t already come forward would be as good as a stranger to Theo. So why… why not let him stay here? Why not let him be with Buck?

“I got you. I got you. I won’t let them take you,” he murmurs over and over again as he rocks them both. “I got you, little man. You’re staying right here wi–with me.”

“And Chris? And Eddie?”

More of Buck’s heart cracks open. He lets the pieces fall away, lets them dissolve to dust.

“That’s right. You and me and Chris and Eddie. Right here, where we belong.”

Slowly, Theo’s shoulders stop shaking and his breathing evens out, his ribs gently expanding under Buck’s steady hand. He mashes his face into Buck’s chest, soaking yet another shirt with tears and snot, but nodding along to every promise that falls from Buck’s lips.

Buck’s going to do everything in his power to make sure he can keep those promises. Everything.

He feels Theo’s rabbiting heart ease back to a normal rhythm. 

Theo gives another sniffle as he starts to squirm. “Buck? You’re squishing me.”

Buck hides his own sniffling behind a laugh. “Sorry ‘bout that, kiddo,” he says as he eases his grip, slides Theo off of him and back onto his pillow.

Buck turns away to gather up the blanket from the foot of the bed, wiping the mess covering his face off on his shoulder while he’s at it. He grabs Pi from where he fell on the floor, letting Theo clutch him close. Theo lets himself be swaddled in blankets he doesn’t really need. The bedding’s all going to end up on the floor by morning, but it’s still nice to feel safe and tucked in.

Buck presses his lips to Theo’s forehead and finally lets himself say what he’s been wanting to for the last few months.

“I love you, Theo.”

Theo yawns and nuzzles into his pillow, already half-gone. But Buck hears him speak softly on a quiet little breath as he lets the world fade around him.

“Love you, Buck.”

Buck sees himself out soon after that. If he doesn’t, he’s going to end up spending the night curled up in bed literally half his size. His back and knees would not be happy tomorrow, but it would be worth it, he thinks. If he weren’t so sure he’ll start crying again in the night, being the one to wake Theo up with his sobs this time, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

He can hear the rushing water of Eddie in their shower, so he lets himself into the boys’ bathroom to throw some water on his face. His jaw aches. His fingertips are buzzing. He’s full of restless energy that makes him want to go for a run, but it’s after eight pm, and it’s dark out, and he has to be up for work in a few hours.

So he takes a lap around the house. He stops in the kitchen making sure his meal prep is organized and the timer for Eddie’s coffeemaker is set.

The living room is a little neater than normal. Chris’s Switch is charging in its dock. Theo actually threw all his toys in their designated box earlier in the evening. There’s a line of stuffed animals on the corner of the couch, who had joined the four of them in watching, surprise, Ratatouille before bedtime.

He triple checks the lock on the front door. There’s a pile of shoes that he takes a second to organize – Chris’s sneakers and his own running shoes, Eddie’s mail run flip flops and Theo’s velcro sandals.

Another lump forms in his throat. This is getting a little ridiculous.

He makes his way back towards the bedroom, and pauses to peek through a door that’s been left open a crack. Chris is sprawled out on his bed, eyes closed. His phone is next to him, resting on top of his closed copy of Catch-22 as the audiobook plays at double speed. Buck waits in the doorway, but Chris doesn’t stir at his presence.

“Working hard, huh?”

Chris doesn’t startle, doesn’t even flinch, just sighs. “I already finished it,” he explains. “I just need a refresh before school.”

Of course, because Chris is a smart, responsible kid, and he doesn’t need someone like Buck to tell him what to do.

No. No, Chris is a smart, responsible kid who knows he can go to Buck for anything, if he needs to, and who trusts Buck with his life. Chris was a smart, responsible kid who Buck has been lucky enough to see grow up into a smart, responsible young man.

“You got a sec?” Buck asks, lump back in his throat. He’s got to do this quick. He’ll never hear the end of it if he starts crying now.

Chris turns onto his side to tap his phone silent, staying reclined and looking up at him with tired eyes. “Yeah.”

“I just want to say…” Buck stops, clears his throat. “Thank you for being so great with Theo.”

Chris’s brow furrows. “What? You don’t have to thank me–”

“I do,” Buck cuts him off. “I get that it’s no fun, hanging with a little kid, that he can be kind of loud and uh… annoying…”

“Yeah, but that’s what little brothers do.”

Another few pieces of Buck’s heart fall away, disappear to nothing.

“Well, thank you anyway,” he tries again, and, jeez, his voice sounds like it’s dropped a whole octave from all the emotion and phlegm living in his throat. “Thank you for being such a… such a great big brother.”

“You’re welcome?” Chris says around a yawn, clearly still confused.

Buck clears his throat and starts to back out of the room. “Well, that’s all. Don’t stay up too late.” There’s not too much danger of that as Buck pauses in the doorway and watches Chris fumble his glasses off.

He closes his eyes, and allows another secret to slip out.

“I love you, Chris.”

“Love you too, Buck.” Chris stretches before snuggling into his pillow. “Get my light?”

Buck gladly clicks it off, hiding the fresh wetness on his cheeks in the dark.

He throws himself onto Eddie’s bed, stretching his limbs out as he tries to pull himself together. He’s exhausted, an emotional wreck, but that buzzing is still in his blood. He’s got to get out of here, he’s got to run. He’s got to build the protection back around his heart before it’s too late.

Buck closes his eyes. He breathes deep. He finds a loose thread poking out of the comforter, soft and ticklish under his fingertips. He can hear the whirr of the bathroom fan, Eddie puttering around in there, his shower done. The scent of his musky body wash captured in steam leaks through the closed door.

He breathes deep. The AC has cycled on, and he feels goosebumps rising on his bare legs. His shirt has dried, the trails of preschooler snot making the fabric stiff. A car drives by outside, music up obnoxiously loud for such a quiet street.

The bathroom door opens.

He breathes deep.

He hears the dresser draws being opened, the quiet rustle of fabric. There’s the slightest sensation of clothes being thrown onto the corner of the bed, right next to Buck’s stretched out calf. There’s the sudden smell of sandalwood, the sound of lotion being warmed between hands.

“I tell you I talked to Ana today?” Eddie asks.

Buck doesn’t answer.

“She and Jess have agreed to host the first playdate with Jaime this weekend,” Eddie continues, regardless of Buck’s participation. “She also said he’s welcome to join them on their next Disney trip. I told her, wait and see if your house survives before you make any promises.”

That sounds great, actually. He and Eddie both hate going to Disney, and so has Chris since they tore out most of the benches. Letting Theo run around and terrorize stray cats while under someone else’s supervision sounds like the ideal situation.

Buck doesn’t say any of that.

“Oh, and Marisol’s crib is almost – I told you she designed a custom crib, right? She’s going to help with the actual assembly and thinks we should tag along. She said she was always the one taking things apart as a kid, so maybe Theo’d enjoy seeing the actual putting things together part.”

That does sound like an excellent idea. Buck’s stepped on enough Legos and Chris has played enough Minecraft on demand to let them know building is also an interest of Theo’s. He had also found another pocketful of screws in his laundry last week, so he’d welcome anything that can pull Theo’s focus before they start getting more phone calls.

“And she said, if he’s really, really good, he’ll be given his own nail gun to run around with.”

Buck sighs. “Nice.”

“And then he’ll get to learn how to use the band saw.”

“You think you’re so funny…” Buck finally opens his eyes.

Eddie’s done with moisturizing, is throwing on some deodorant while his lotion is absorbing. He’s naked, unselfconsciously so, and why shouldn’t he be? He’s in his own damn bedroom, after all. Besides, he’s got some great skin to feel comfortable in. And Buck sees him naked like this practically every day.

He sees him naked in other ways, too, he lets himself think.

His heart pounds.

Eddie pauses to look him over, taking in his starfished form, the mess on his shirt, his bloodshot eyes. Eddie frowns. “Everything okay?”

“Do you… do you think it’s weird that you’re such good friends with your exes?” Buck asks instead of answering.

Eddie shrugs as he snags the pair of shorts from where he tossed them onto the bed. “Not really,” he says as he pulls them on, snapping the waistband against his stomach. “It’s not like we stopped getting along, or anything. Things just kind of… I realized things weren’t really going anywhere, you know?”

There’s a look on his face like there’s something he’s not saying. Something Buck should understand.

Buck swallows. His tongue feels heavy. But he makes himself ask it anyway. “’Cause of… the gay thing?”

He doesn’t even know if that’s how… If that’s what Eddie’s told people. Chimney just said he came out, which could mean anything. And Buck was right there, was… was actively involved, and yet he had missed it? How self-involved can he be?

No. He’s… he’s let himself assume a lot of things, assume that he and Eddie were on the same page about stuff instead of actually talking about it. But that’s not too late to fix. They can talk about it now.

Eddie, oblivious to Buck’s inner turmoil, scrunches his face up in mock contemplation. “Yeah, I don’t think the gay thing helped.”

See, Eddie’s willing to talk.

Also: Gay.

They’re already making progress.

Eddie pulls on a t-shirt, one with the collar cut down to a ragged line that falls under his collar bones. Buck lets himself look at them, almost misses the downturn in Eddie’s lips. “You don’t mind that I’m talking with them, right?”

“No,” Buck says a little too quickly. Eddie looks at him skeptically. “I don’t!” Buck insists, rolling his head back into the mattress. “I’m mostly just amazed Marisol forgave you.”

Eddie bats at his foot playfully. “Tell me about it.”

“And…” Buck sighs. “I think I just… I can’t really imagine myself being friends with anyone I used to date. It all seems so… messy.”

“You’re friends with Ali, right?”

“Okay, asking her once a week, ‘Hey, can my kid come pet your dog?’ is not a friendship.”

He hears it the moment it comes out of his mouth. The fractured remains of his heart scream at him for his mistake, demand he correct it.

But what’s been beneath, the living, beating part of him that old heart had been convinced it was protecting, lets it go.

Eddie notices it too, gives him that soft, fond look that he… that he gives Buck all the time, these days. The look that makes Buck want to kiss him. The look that he’s pretty sure means that Eddie wants him to kiss him.

“I think all the sitting out back with lemonade and gossip while your kid pets her dog is pretty friendly,” he says, giving his ankle an affectionate squeeze.

Buck lets his eyes slip closed as he thinks about it. Because, yeah, that’s a thing that they do, a thing Buck genuinely enjoys doing. And sometimes David joins them, lying out and pointedly ignoring the gym equipment looming in the corner. And sometimes Eddie joins them, too, if only to watch David keep putting his foot in his mouth. When they first met, David had called Eddie the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in person, and none of them are willing to let him live that down.

It’s like… They’re couple friends. If he and Eddie were also a couple.

His heart pounds again.

He hears their bedroom door open, hears Eddie’s soft footfalls down the hall, the long pause at what must be Theo’s doorway. Buck hasn’t moved from his sprawl and lets himself sink further into the mattress, reaching back out to find his calm. He listens to Eddie go further, the gentle knock and deep murmur as he checks on Chris. He breathes deep, stretches his fingers, flexes his feet, counts Eddie’s steps back.

“Okay, so are you tired, or do you need some cheering up? Because I’m willing to help, but that’s two very different things I’d have to do, so…?”

Buck makes a noncommittal noise. The answer is, neither. The answer is, we need to talk about some stuff. But where to even start? What to even say?

His senses are all fine-tuned to Eddie, to his movements around the room, the scent of his lotion, the rustle of his clothing. The bed dips, and Eddie’s weight settles onto his thighs. Eddie's hands bracket his head. Eddie’s nose brushes against his as Eddie’s lips touch his cheek, his jaw, his neck. Eddie’s mouth open there, Eddie’s tongue tasting the salt of his skin. Eddie being careful not to leave marks, just touching, exploring, enjoying.

“Guess you’re tired,” Eddie teases, breath hot against the trail of saliva he’s left behind. “You haven’t even tried to grab my ass.”

Buck’s hands snap into position, like they had just needed the reminder. His fingers sink into smooth, bare skin, because Eddie’s naked again, the context now a lot less casual than it had been before.

Eddie chuckles, pressing his mouth back to Buck’s neck. “There you are. Go ahead. It’s what I’m here for.”

Buck’s stomach twists. He’s getting distracted. And he’s… he’s got to say this now, before he loses his nerve, slips back into his comfortable, miserable denial.

“Eddie,” he croaks, Eddie’s lips slipping down into the hollow of his throat. His shirt is tugged aside, Eddie’s tongue running along his collar bone. “Eddie, I… I know this is all… this is convenient, what with our… our circumstances–”

“Nothing convenient about what I’m thinking of doing,” Eddie says with a roll of his hips that makes Buck’s grip tighten and his breath stutter.

“Eddie, please. I’m being serious.” Reluctantly, he lets go of Eddie’s ass, moves his hands to curl around his ribs and push him back.

“Oh, what? Really?” Eddie’s frustration is all put upon, his expression amused. Until he looks at Buck, a thousand complicated emotions all playing across his face. Eddie sobers. He backs off. He takes in what Buck just said.

His frustration is a lot less put upon now. “Wait. Do you really think we’re doing this because it’s convenient?”

“Well… Yeah?”

Eddie stares down at him. He looks confused. He looks hurt. He looks like Buck just broke all their unspoken rules and now whatever they’d had going on is permanently ruined.

“And why, exactly, is it so convenient?” Eddie asks slowly, eyes narrowing, daring Buck to say the wrong thing.

“Um…” Buck squirms, Eddie’s weight still pinning him in place. “Because I’m… here?”

“And why are you here, Buck?”

“Because… because you wanted to help me–”

Eddie’s laughing.

Eddie’s laughing loud and long and hard. His whole body’s shaking, making Buck’s body shake, making the bed and the windows and the very foundation under them shake.

Instinctively, Buck slaps a hand over Eddie’s grin. “Don’t!” he hisses. “You’re gonna… you’re gonna wake everyone up.”

There’s a wet, slimy sensation against his palm. He rolls his eyes, because Eddie licking his hand is a pretty regular occurrence in their lives, and not the disgusting deterrent it’s meant to be. Still, Buck lets his hand drop, lets Eddie speak.

“Buck,” Eddie says, quiet now but smile beaming. “Evan Buckley, you are here because I asked you to be here.”

His heart pounds.

“You’re here because I want you to be here.” Eddie leans back in, their noses brush again. “You’re here because I want you.”

“Oh,” is all Buck can say.

“Was that not… Did I not make that obvious enough?”

“No, it… I… I really…”

“Because I thought I was being pretty obvious.”

“You… I mean…”

“All the sex felt like a pretty big hint to me, but what do I know, I guess.”

“Eddie,” Buck finally breaks though. “I may have spent the last few months being very… incredibly stupid.”

Eddie snorts at the understatement. But his teasing amusement melts away, leaving just that same soft look, open and bare and so very kissable.

“Buck, I bought a house for you.”

Oh.

Oh, he really did, didn’t he?

“I really have to know… What do you hear when I tell you I love you?”

Buck’s breath catches in his chest. His lungs don’t have enough room to expand. It’s not the first time he’s heard it, far from it, but it might just be the first time he lets himself listen.

“As a friend,” they say in unison, because as ridiculous as this all is, Eddie still knows him better than anyone.

Eddie laughs again, but has the decency to smother it behind a hand. He strokes his chin as he grins down at him. “Well, you’re right,” he says. “I do love you as a friend.”

“Uh…”

“And…” Eddie leans in close again, nuzzling his nose against the crest of Buck’s cheek. “I love you as the guy I asked to be in my bed.”

“Oh.”

“And I love you as the guy I bought a house for.”

“Yeah.”

“And I love you as the guy helping me raise our kids.”

“Your kid,” Buck says automatically, a habit he might have to start learning to break. “Your kid and my… uh…”

“Our kids,” Eddie insists, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Because I’m really hoping that I get to be the guy who helps you make your whole foster situation much more official.”

The last few shards that had walled away Buck’s heart are gone, disappeared with little fanfare. Buck wonders if Eddie can tell, if the heart beating under his palm, the pulse against his lips feels any different.

It’s a heart that’s in love.

It’s a heart that is loved.

“O-Oh.” Buck finally realizes the silence Eddie’s leaving is probably meant for some kind of answer. “Ye-Yes. Um. Yes. I… I’d like that.”

“Good,” Eddie says, his lips now brushing Buck’s own. “Because I also love you as the guy I’m still planning to have sex with tonight, despite this being the single dumbest conv–”

"I love you, too," Buck blurts out, the words eager to escape after being locked away for so long.

Eddie beams. "I know, Buck. I know."

~*~

Later, when sleep still eludes him, in the dark and quiet of their bed, Buck whispers, “You awake?”

“Mmhmm,” Eddie mumbles into his chest, which he is currently using as a pillow. Because he frequently uses Buck’s chest as a pillow.

“So, uh… are we engaged?”

Eddie groans, rolling to prop his head up on his chin. “Are we what?”

“You know, what you said about… our kids, and making that official…”

“Buck, we’re not engaged.” Eddie rubs his eyes, cranky lines knitting his brow. “You didn’t even know we were in a relationship until, like, an hour ago.”

“Yeah, well…” Buck shifts, running a hand through Eddie’s tousled hair. “That’s why I thought I’d check.”

Eddie swats his hand away, rolling over back onto his side of the bed, to Buck’s dismay. “Trust me,” he yawns into his actual pillow. “You’ll know when I propose.”

“You sure about that?” Buck rolls over, crowds against him, leg hooking over Eddie’s thighs. “You have it planned? Will it be big? Will it be public​?”

Eddie snores, loud and exaggerated and perfectly timed.

And Buck, now the big spoon, lets the man who loves him get away with it.

~*~

“Buck? Is that you?”

Oh my god, again? Buck thinks.

“Oh my god, Abby!” Buck says.

He’s still a little taken away, seeing her in person. She’s so effortlessly beautiful, even in old jeans and unstyled hair. He opens his arms and she steps into them easily.

They keep it brief, parting after a quick squeeze.

“What brings you back to LA?”

“I’m here with my stepdaughter,” Abby says, pointing to someone in the steadily growing crowd of high schoolers gathering beside them on the quad. “She wanted to do some college tours out here, and I figured I’d show her some of the city. You know, the safe parts. So I won’t worry about her so much.”

Buck raises a skeptical brow. “You think that’ll work?”

“Oh, not at all.” Abby laughs at herself, shaking her head. “But it’s still worth doing, I think.

“And what about you? You finally going for your Ph.D.?”

Buck laughs back, telling the twinge inside him that says he’s the butt of the joke to shut the hell up. “Same as you, actually.”

He points over to the side where Chris is sitting in his rollator, talking with the student guide who’s a wheelchair user, there to answer questions about accessibility. Theo’s hanging off the handles, fighting with everything he’s got to get Chris’s attention back on him. Buck can tell from here that Chris keeps telling him to shut up, even though it’s not working at all.

Eddie’s standing next to them, paying them no attention as he stares back over at Buck, eyebrows raised up to his hairline.

“My stepson,” Buck explains with pride. “It’s not a real college tour yet, thank god, but his school has an accelerated program, so he’ll be coming here once a week for a programming class in the spring.”

“Very cool.” Abby nods over towards Eddie. “And is that…?”

“My fiancé,” Buck lies.

Eddie still hasn’t proposed, which, fine, it’s only been a few months since they actually, officially, both were aware that they were in a relationship. But that hasn’t stopped Eddie from filling their lives with enough teasing, contradictory hints to drive Buck completely crazy. So Buck’s stopped trying to figure out what plans, if any, he even has. He’s just gone ahead and started calling him his fiancé anyway.

“I mean, is that the guy I met at the train crash?”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s the same Eddie. Not my partner in the field anymore. Just my partner.”

“And… the little one about who’s ten seconds away from jumping in the fountain?”

And, yep, Theo’s taken off, done with being ignored and ready to make his own fun. Eddie doesn’t seem to notice until he sees Abby point, then he’s off after him. But it might be too late; Theo probably has enough of a head start that there might be disastrous results.

“Yeah,” Buck says, unable to fight the smile on his face, as if he’d even want to. “That is undeniably my kid.”