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Neil couldn’t sleep tonight. Not after the conversation he had to sit through with his father. He had returned to his room in an uncharacteristically slow, mechanical gait, emptied of whatever soul he had poured into his performance just two hours earlier. A sleepy night guard had met Neil at the gate of the academy and gotten Mr. Nolan to lead him into his room, wherein Todd had pulled himself out of a flimsy slumber to interrogate his roommate.
“Neil, God, what happened? What did he say?”
Todd’s worry escaped Neil, who looked blankly at the figure in front of him. A few awkward seconds passed before his eyes actually focused, the ringing in his ears quieting while he processed.
“I’m leaving, Todd.”
“What?” Todd whispered, eyebrows drawn together. “What do you mean? Is-... Is he taking you out of Drama?”
“He’s taking me out of Welton, Todd. We leave tomorrow-” Neil started, but he was interrupted by a sudden pressure around him as Todd wrapped himself around his body. Neil opened his mouth to say something, to deflect, but his tongue was weighed down by… nothing. He said nothing.
Todd laid his head on Neil’s shoulder, staying quiet but for a few rogue whimpers.
“Please don’t,” was all that Neil could make out as a few warm tears dripped onto his shirt. He nervously placed his hands over Todd’s back, not having expected the contact. “I’ll talk to him. Tomorrow. We’ll all go talk to him” Todd sniveled as he wiped at his face with his sleeve.
“I just- I can’t… You can’t go. Please, just let me talk to him,” he pleaded between voice cracks, “Please.”
Neil felt his demeanor wearing out as the warmth in the room soaked his body. God, he wasn’t ready for this. He should have known that Todd, lovely, beautiful Todd would have been the only one to make him feel something. Even if he could only muster a small something. Neil almost smiled at his roommate.
“You should go to bed. You have school tomorrow.”
Todd’s lip trembled as he managed a torn, twitching smile. “Yeah. We should,” he decided, finally withdrawing from the prolonged contact.
And the boys had gone silent for the rest of the night, waiting for the other to crack. They went to bed like how they always did; saving their words for the next night. But that was an eternity ago, and now Neil was awake in his bed, letting inaction soak his body. His hands twitched, yearning for a further nothingness. The final nothingness. He imagined taking himself out in the snow, clad in his beautiful crown, waiting for tomorrow. He felt like he was always waiting for tomorrow. And then the tomorrow after that and after that and after-
Todd stirred quietly, sitting up in his bed to look at an open-eyed Neil, who laid on his back with his palms facing the ceiling symmetrically. “Neil?” Todd whispered. Neil propped himself on his elbows and eyed the pale, perfect visage looking his way. Todd hesitated. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” he asked, placing his feet on the ground.
Neil smiled faintly and moved over in his bed, patting the empty spot. Todd followed obediently and laid himself down, seeing now that his roommate had discarded his shirt and chosen to lay on top of his blankets despite their flawed radiator. Todd grabbed his own blanket and dragged it over Neil’s body before tucking himself in next to the colder boy. He laid on his side and draped his arm over the blanket above Neil’s chest, daring to hold him just for tonight. Now close and warm, the two boys fell into a lake of comfortable silence and let themselves dream of a different tomorrow.