Chapter Text
In retrospect, the first courting gift had been the suit.
He hadn’t made it purely for Grace’s benefit, of course, hadn’t even intended it to be a gift at all, because while some gifts were gifts you could give to a friend and think nothing of it, certain gifts were courting gifts, and Rocky most certainly was not courting Grace. Of course not. His tall, gangly, ridiculously soft and wet alien, who tripped over his own (two, not even the right amount) feet every five seconds, who laughed at dumb puns, who nearly died saving Rocky’s life, who gave up his own life to turn around for Rocky, who was impossibly kind and selfless and brave no matter how he always claimed otherwise…
He fought the urge to bash his carapace into the nearest wall. Who was he kidding? Grace had woven himself into the most precious song in Rocky’s hearts, right into place beside Adrian, a long time ago.
But he truly wasn’t courting Grace, no matter how much he might wish to. His beautiful, brave Grace had already given up so much for him. He would never see another of his own kind again, or the planet he loved so much, all because he had decided to save Rocky. There was nothing Rocky could do to make up for that, so he would focus on the things he could do for him - helping look after the ship, keeping his spirits up during the long voyage, acting bossy and snarky and silly in the ways he knew best to make his Grace laugh.
And more than anything, he would do nothing that could cause his Grace more harm. And asking for more than Grace might be willing to give could cause harm. Through their brief conversations about human relationships and the various earth media Grace had shown him, Rocky had gathered that monogamy was the accepted norm for human partnerships. Grace had shown surprise when Rocky had mentioned mate clusters of five or more being the standard on Erid. He hadn’t seemed disgusted, at least, but still… would he be open to taking a mate who already had another mate? Rocky couldn’t be sure, and the idea of disgusting Grace with an offer that would be culturally offensive to him, or just disgusting him by offering himself, an alien with a shape so different from his own kind, whose mind and hearts Grace might only ever be able to see as those of a friend, terrified him.
In a ship this small, stuck together for years with no way to get any true space from each other should things become awkward, any rejected confession of feelings would leave Grace with nowhere to go if he wanted to take a step back from their friendship. Grace had already known what it felt to be trapped once, his feelings disregarded, his choice taken away from him, and Rocky knew the pain that had caused his friend. So he was determined never to give Grace any reason to feel trapped again. Even if it meant hiding the way he wanted to float out of his own carapace with joy every time Grace laughed at one of his jokes, or called him “bud” in that impossibly fond voice, or when he found an excuse to be touching Rocky in some way… which was all the more often, now that he had the suit.
He’d started working on it not long after the pair had reunited and started their trip to Erid. It had been for practical reasons, at first. After the disastrous Fishing Incident, and knowing that Grace may not be in a fit state to attend to ship repairs or course corrections once the starvation really took hold, they had both agreed that Rocky needed a way to be able to interact safely with the areas of the ship that were in Grace’s atmosphere. Rocky had thrown together a quick set of remote-control arms on a set of wheels to be used in the meantime, but the real goal was the suit. It had taken a few months to figure out how to safely translate the idea of the xenonite mesh touch panel on his ball into a suit that would cover his whole body and allow his hands to accurately interact with the outside atmosphere - he had initially taken design aspects from the quick suit he’d thrown together for Grace’s visit to his ship, but Grace had barely been able to walk in that suit, let alone manipulate anything in his hands, and Rocky needed to be able to operate the ship’s delicate controls with his suit, so it would have to be much more sophisticated. But finally, after four months, he had managed it. He certainly hadn’t put all of his focus into finishing the suit the last few weeks of the project because Grace had looked wistfully at a pair of humans hugging during one of their movie nights and rubbed absently at his own arms, as if searching for the ghost of a touch he would never feel again. Or because Rocky had spent the rest of that night while Grace slept googling human needs related to touch and had discovered the term “touch-starved” and felt an immediate need to fix. Nope. Definitely not.
Either way, the suit had the desired effects. Rocky could now access the entire ship without having to roll around in that clunky, stupid ball, and Grace had access to touch. He’d tried to act casual the first time Rocky stepped out of the airlock with shimmering xenonite wrapped around his form, but Rocky could hear the way his heart kicked into high gear, the slight catch in his throat as he said “Great job, pal!”, the slight twitch of his fingers towards his friend before he stopped himself.
Dear Grace. He was so kind, so careful with Rocky, but so, so bad at asking for the things he wanted for himself. At least this time Rocky knew what the problem was, and could offer a solution.
He hesitated for a moment, shifting on three legs and tapping two sets of claws together nervously with a gentle tink of xenonite, deciding how to pose the question. It was a familiar frustration to always have to dumb down his words for the translator - Grace was getting better at understanding Rocky’s simplified pidgin Eridian, but Rocky knew they’d need to really start focusing on teaching him true Eridian if he was going to communicate properly on Erid. But that could come later. Right now, there was something he could offer his friend to stave off this apparent touch-hunger, and luckily the words of the offer were simple.
“Can Rocky hug Grace, question?”
Rocky heard the wet slide of Grace’s eyelids slipping open wider, a movement of surprise, then the even wetter slide of lips pulling away from teeth in a brilliant grin, joy. He lowered himself onto his knees, arms held out wide, and Rocky needed no further invitation to scuttle towards his friend and wrap two of his arms around that soft, squishy body. He kept his grip light - humans were so fragile, the memory of their only true touch causing Grace pain was still seared into Rocky’s brain and Grace’s skin, he couldn’t let himself hurt Grace ever again - but he could feel the effect of it immediately. A full-body shiver ran through Grace’s form. He wrapped his arms around Rocky, his chest flush against Rocky’s xenonite-encased carapace, his cheek laid against the top of Rocky’s vents. Rocky was already so used to the sounds of his human, but now he was surrounded by it, he could hear blood rushing through every vein, every soft shift of fabric against skin, every beat of his heart, every whoosh of air into his lungs. It was sensory overload, but in the best way possible. It was Grace.
Grace’s arms tightened around him, a hitch in his breath. Rocky could hear the tears building up in his eyes before they’d even been shed. Grace was trying to keep it together, but Rocky could feel the sobs he was desperately fighting to hold back. He gave a low, soothing hum, shifting his weight onto two arms so he could reach up the third hand to cup gently around the back of Grace’s head.
That seemed to break the dam. Grace let out a choked sob, lurching forward so most of his weight was on Rocky’s carapace, his arms tightening so much around Rocky that he feared they might snap from the strain. Heaving sobs wracked through his friend’s body as he reveled in the first touch he’d felt in years. It was so much, so much sound all around him, ugly and wet and heart-wrenching, but Rocky couldn’t even imagine pulling away when it was clear how badly Grace needed this. Instead, he hummed softly, maneuvering them both so that Grace was sitting more comfortably with his knees bent up and Rocky situated between them, his carapace still pressed firmly against Grace’s chest and three arms still wrapped around him. He kept one across his lower back, one further up across his shoulders, and one at the back of Grace’s head. After remembering something he’d seen in some of the earth media Grace had shown him, he began carding his claws softly through the soft strands atop Grace’s head, his “hair”. He couldn’t truly feel the softness through the suit, but he could sense the way they gave easily under the lightest pressure, could hear the soft, lovely sound of them lightly scratching against the xenonite. It was nothing like he’d ever felt on any eridian. It was perfect.
They stayed like that for a while, until finally, Grace’s sobs began to die away. His heart began to slow to a more familiar tempo, and his lungs no longer spasmed so wetly with every breath. His arms loosened from around Rocky as he hastily wiped at his nose and gave a weak laugh. “Ugh, sorry about that. I, uh, I haven’t done that in a while. Y’know. A real hug, not just hugging the ball.”
Rocky reluctantly pulled back. How strange - eridians weren’t creatures of touch by nature, but he could already feel himself mourning the loss of the feeling of Grace pressed against him. Was this what humans dealt with all of the time, this longing for physical closeness? It had to be so much worse for Grace, deprived of it for so long - and yet here he was, clearly getting more embarrassed by the moment that having his needs met for the first time in years had brought him to tears. Idiot. My idiot.
Rocky violently shoved that longing thought to the back of his mind and focused his attention back on Grace. “Of course not,” he chided, holding his carapace in that way that told Grace he was not impressed with his attempts to downplay his emotional needs. “Grace has not been around anyone Grace could hug in ‘a while.’ Only natural Grace would miss it.”
Grace let out a slow breath, bringing one hand up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, well, it’s been longer than just… I mean…” He dropped the hand, shifting his eyes so that his gaze fell on Rocky. Beautiful Grace, he was so familiar to Rocky now, he could read the vulnerability in the lines of his face and set of his shoulders. “Even when I was on Earth I didn’t really let anyone close enough. I had some friends, I told you about Marissa, but even then it wasn’t… I wasn’t the best at letting people in. I was alone a lot. It was my own fault, but it’s just…” He sniffled, a disgusting noise, but the sound of his smile and his gaze trained on Rocky with such obvious warmth more than made up for it, “God, I didn’t realize how much I missed this.”
Sadness at the idea of Grace alone, depriving himself of the connections he so desperately craved, battled with a selfish thrill at the idea of being the first person Grace had let in this way, of being the closest to Grace. There was nothing he could do to ease Grace’s past regrets, but he could give him a better future. “Well, Grace and Rocky close now,” he pointed out, careful to keep his tone friendly, careful not to put more into the statement than he should. “And now Grace and Rocky have suit. No need to miss - if Grace needs hug, Grace can just ask.”
“I… yeah.” The click of his throat muscles contracting, a gulp, and another watery laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He let out a slow breath, reaching out a hand to rest on Rocky’s carapace. Rocky had to fight hard to keep from shuddering at the contact. “Why are you so great?” he murmured, clearly trying for a playful tone, but instead it came out so desperately fond that Rocky could barely hold back the sharp whistle that threatened to burst from his vents.
Rocky waved a hand dismissively, eager to cover up his near slip. “Is nothing,” he insisted gruffly, then, before Grace could argue the point, he continued on quickly, “Come, is time for movie in don’t-go-crazy room. Suit holds enough air for next twelve hours, can be used for rest of night. Rocky will get Grace nest ready, Grace set up movie.” A brief thrill ran through him at the realization that he could be more active in their day to day activities now, that he could arrange Grace’s nest this time.
“Nest” was a bit generous, he mused as he skittered to the nest in question, it was just a bunch of pillows and blankets and a mattress tossed together haphazardly into a pile in the don’t-go-crazy room, it wasn’t really like the carefully arranged piles of carefully-selected stones and expertly woven materials that were part of one of the more intricate bits of eridian courtship. Rocky tried very hard not to dwell on the similarities as he retrieved various bits of bedding from the bedroom and arranged them, with more care than he was willing to think about, into a cozy pile on the metal grating.
Grace came in a moment later, laptop in hand, and settled into the nest with a contented sigh that sent a thrill whistling through Rocky’s system. As he arranged himself cross-legged in the nest, he reached almost absent-mindedly for Rocky, who allowed himself with some surprise to be tugged into Grace’s lap. “I think you’ll like this one, Rock,” he said in a bright tone, barely seeming to notice how naturally he tucked Rocky against himself, one arm circling around him in a loose hug while the other fumbled with the laptop’s controls. “It’s a musical, and it’s about an alien. It’s one of my favorites.”
Normally, all three of these things would be marks in a movie’s favor for Rocky, especially being so particularly cherished by Grace, but he found as the movie started that he could barely keep his focus on it. They had “cuddled” before during movies in the loosest sense, usually with Grace leaning against the ball in some way, but it was nothing like this, with Rocky snuggled in against Grace’s chest, his arms surrounding him and his chin laid over his vents. He could feel the leisurely beat of his heart and unhurried filling and emptying of his lungs, so different from the frantic tempo of their earlier hug. He’d never been able to so closely hear all the sounds of Grace’s body in such a state of relaxed state of contentment, and it filled him with a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in a very long time. There were no stars left to save or sacrifices left to make. There was just Rocky and Grace, finding peace just through each other’s closeness.
Rocky managed to keep enough of his mind on the movie to throw in the occasional barb for Grace’s amusement (“Ugh, two songs about mouth-bones and eating? Disgust!” “Yeaaaaah sorry, kinda forgot to warn you about that.” “Why man-with-glasses so dumb, question? Plant-alien is obviously lying!” “Well, that’s kinda the point bud, there wouldn’t really be a story if he didn’t fall for it, and he’s desperate for any chance at a better life so it makes the lie easier to swallow.” “Why plant-alien evolve to eat blood of only one species that doesn’t even exist on home planet, question? What does plant-alien eat on home planet? Dumb way for predator to evolve! Why humans always write aliens as bad guys in such dumb dumb dumb way? Almost as bad as one where aliens allergic to water!” “…I’m starting to regret showing you this one.”), or to offer genuine praise for the music to soothe over any annoyance with his critiques. But as the movie drew on, Rocky couldn’t ignore the way his carapace, which could barely register touch the way Grace’s skin could even without the extra layer of xenonite in the way, positively burned everywhere that Grace made contact with him, or the way that Grace seemed to contort himself more and more around Rocky as the hours ticked by. It was as if Grace felt the same desperate pull as Rocky did to press into each other so hard they simply melted into one being.
Any hint of Grace’s earlier dissatisfaction at lack of human touch was gone. He didn’t react at all as the humans in the film held each other in their arms, only tucking Rocky against himself with a contented hum. It was as if the itch that had clearly been creeping its way under Grace’s skin for the last few months had simply vanished. The fact that it had been Rocky’s gift that had managed to do this left him feeling a faint, blissful buzzing all throughout his limbs. He couldn’t give Grace true human touch back, and of course he’d hoped having the suit would help, but he hadn’t expected that simply holding Rocky even with the xenonite dividing them would take away Grace’s touch hunger completely. But maybe… maybe this really was enough. Maybe Rocky was enough this time.
And when the movie ended and Grace dismantled the nest, dragging his bedding back to the bedroom and setting himself up to sleep for the night, he only hesitated for the briefest moment before shuffling in the bed to face Rocky and opening his arms. Rocky needed no further invitation to crawl onto the bed and into Grace’s waiting arms, snuggling against his chest and wrapping two of his own arms loosely across his human. Grace let out a small noise of contentment, burying his face in the side of Rocky’s carapace. As Grace’s breathing began to slow, Rocky allowed one hand to skim lightly over the top of Grace’s head, carding gently through his hair, just as he had before. He hoped Grace could feel it even as his mind gave way to sleep. He hoped it brought him comfort. He hoped he wasn’t being selfish in taking pleasure in it for himself.
“Grace sleep,” Rocky hummed, hearts hitching with an odd mixture of joy and grief at the knowledge that this would soon become their new normal, that every night for the rest of his human’s life he would be permitted to hold his Grace close to him and keep him safe and loved - but never loved in the way that Rocky desperately wanted to give. But for his Grace, for his friend, he would do it. Anything for him. “Rocky watch.”
Rocky alway watch.