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The first time Maura suggested they take a karate class together, Jane laughed so abruptly that she inhaled a piece of linguine.
It was not the response Maura had anticipated.
She remained seated on the opposite side of the kitchen island while Jane coughed into the crook of her elbow, one hand raised to discourage intervention. Her face had reddened almost instantly, first across the bridge of her nose and then outward over her cheeks, though whether from amusement, embarrassment or temporary airway obstruction was difficult to determine. Maura set down her fork and watched carefully. She knew the Heimlich manoeuvre, obviously. She also knew Jane would never forgive her for employing it unnecessarily.
“You done?” Jane rasped eventually.
“Are you?” Maura asked incredulously.
Jane took a long swallow from her beer and grimaced as if Maura had been the one to put the pasta down the wrong way. “You want us to take karate.”
“Yes.”
“Together.”
“That is generally what us means, yes.”
“I know what it means, Maura.”
Maura waited. Jane stared at her across the remains of dinner, apparently expecting the absurdity of the proposal to reveal itself without further explanation. When it failed to do so, she leaned back on her stool and folded her arms. It was a posture Maura had observed in interrogation rooms, hospital corridors and once in the produce section of Whole Foods after an employee informed Jane that zucchini noodles were technically noodles. It signified resistance, usually accompanied by an assumption that persistence would be futile.
Maura had never found that to be the case.
“What kind of karate?”
“Kyokushin.”
Jane’s eyebrows rose. “Gesundheit.”
“It’s a full-contact style of karate founded by Masutatsu Oyama in the twentieth century. The name roughly translates to ‘the ultimate truth.’ Its training emphasises practical application, physical conditioning and—”
“I was kidding, Maur.”
“I know.” Maura lifted her wineglass. “But you asked.”
Jane gave her a narrow look over the rim of her own bottle. Her hair was still damp from the shower she had taken after arriving, the ends darkened to near black where they curled against the shoulders of a faded Boston Police Academy T-shirt. She had left her jacket across the back of Maura’s sofa and her service weapon locked in the small safe Maura had installed in the hall closet specifically for Jane, although neither of them had ever discussed the significance of there being a place for Jane’s things in Maura’s home.
There were several places now.
A toothbrush in the upstairs bathroom. A preferred brand of coffee in the pantry. Two bottles of beer in the refrigerator that Maura didn’t drink and replaced whenever they disappeared. Jane had accumulated a presence in the house by increments, leaving behind no single object substantial enough to suggest permanence and yet somehow becoming impossible to remove without altering the shape of Maura’s life.
“I already know how to fight,” Jane said.
“Yes.”
“I’ve been a cop for over a decade.”
“I’m aware.”
“I carry a gun.”
“You’re rarely permitted to shoot people simply because they’ve made you uncomfortable.”
“That’s why I also have handcuffs.”
Maura felt the corner of her mouth lift. “You see? You’re already thinking creatively.”
Jane tried not to smile. Maura watched the attempt fail, first in the slight contraction of the muscles beneath her eyes and then in the reluctant upward pull of her mouth. It gave Maura an odd sensation somewhere behind her sternum, a small loosening she had learned to associate with successfully drawing Jane out of a poor mood. She had never found a medically satisfying explanation for why Jane’s happiness should produce a physical response in her own body. Emotional contagion accounted for some of it, but not the specificity. It did not explain why the effect was strongest when Maura had caused the smile herself.
Jane reached for another piece of garlic bread. “Why do you want to learn karate?”
Maura had prepared several answers.
She enjoyed acquiring new skills. Weight-bearing exercise improved bone density. Martial arts had been associated with enhanced balance, coordination and psychological well-being. The dojo was conveniently located between the precinct and her house, offered a beginner class on Tuesday evenings and maintained an excellent reputation. Each answer was both truthful and sufficiently impersonal.
None of them was the truth Jane had asked for.
Maura lowered her gaze to the pale crescent left by her lipstick against the glass. “I spend a significant amount of time around violent people.”
“I know that, Maur, so do I.”
“Yes, but you’re trained for it.”
Jane’s expression shifted almost imperceptibly. The levity remained, but something more attentive moved beneath it, sharpening her gaze. Detectives were trained to notice evasion, and Jane had always been exceptionally good at noticing Maura. Better, sometimes, than Maura wanted her to be.
“You worried about something?” She asked instead.
“No.”
“Did somebody threaten you?”
“No.”
“Follow you home?”
“Jane.”
“I’m asking.”
“And I’m answering.”
Jane put down the bread. “Then what happened?”
Maura drew a breath. This, perhaps, was why she had chosen to ask over dinner. Jane could make concern feel remarkably like confrontation, particularly when she was frightened, but she was less likely to pace while eating. Less likely did not mean incapable. The moment Maura mentioned a threat, Jane would leave the stool and begin moving through the house, checking locks Maura knew were already secured while constructing a plan involving patrol cars and background searches and her own permanent occupation of Maura’s guest room.
Nothing had happened. That was the problem. Nothing needed to happen for Maura to understand that it could.
“Last week, when we examined the woman from Dorchester, she had bruising on both wrists,” Maura said. “The pattern indicated she had tried to break the assailant’s grip. She probably believed pulling away was her best option, but it increased the risk of injury and gave him greater leverage.”
Jane’s face had gone still.
“I knew what she had done incorrectly,” Maura continued. “I could identify the muscles involved and explain the mechanism that caused the fractures. But if someone seized my wrists, I’m not certain I would know what to do differently.”
“You’d scream.”
“That wouldn’t release the grip.”
“You’d kick him.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere you could reach.”
“That lacks precision.”
“It’s not surgery, Maura.”
“Exactly. Surgery is performed in a controlled environment. Violence is not.”
Jane looked away from her then, toward the darkened windows beyond the kitchen. Maura could see their reflections suspended in the glass: herself upright beneath the pendant lights, Jane folded around the tension that had entered her body. Jane’s concern was rarely quiet. It settled into her shoulders and tightened her jaw, transforming softness into something prepared to strike.
“I can show you some things,” the brunette offered.
“You’re not a qualified instructor, and you’d be unable to treat me like an ordinary student. That, and your impatience.”
“I’m not impatient.” Her response was immediate, and indignant.
“You became frustrated when I held the baseball bat incorrectly.”
“You almost broke your thumb.”
“And your response was to shout at me.”
“My response was to save your thumb.”
“You also laughed.”
“After I saved it.”
Maura regarded her until Jane’s mouth twitched again.
“I wouldn’t laugh this time,” Jane promised.
“That seems unlikely.”
“All right, maybe a little. But I’d teach you.”
Maura believed her. Jane would teach her everything she knew if Maura asked, breaking each movement down despite her impatience, positioning Maura’s hands with a care she would pretend not to possess. She would stay long after Maura had grown tired. She would offer her own body as an assailant and permit Maura to strike her again and again, dismissing every bruise before it appeared.
That was precisely why Maura couldn’t ask her.
Jane didn’t know how to protect Maura without placing herself between her and the rest of the world. She had done it with fists, with guns, with her career and once with her own body. Maura did not want to become another reason Jane believed she had to bleed.
“I don’t want you to teach me,” she said gently. “I want you to learn with me.”
Something passed over Jane’s face too quickly for Maura to identify. Surprise, perhaps, although there was something more vulnerable beneath it.
“You really think I need an outlet that bad?”
“I didn’t say anything about an outlet.”
“You didn’t have to.” Jane retrieved her beer. “I know how your brain works.”
Maura wasn’t certain that was true. If it were, Jane might have understood why Maura had spent three evenings researching activities they could do together before selecting the only one she could be confident Jane would not dismiss as impractical. She might have understood that Maura didn’t especially want karate. She wanted an hour each week in which neither murder nor duty could summon Jane away from her. She wanted to see Jane somewhere other than the precinct, the morgue or the opposite side of a dinner table late enough at night that exhaustion blurred the edges of them both.
She wanted something that belonged to them before she had determined whether she was permitted to want such things.
“Exercise can assist with the regulation of stress hormones,” Maura said. “Your cortisol levels are frequently elevated.”
Jane blinked. “You checking my cortisol now?”
“There are observable indicators.”
“Like what?”
“Irritability. Sleep disruption. Muscle tension.”
“Maybe I’m tense because you’re observing me.”
“That wouldn’t explain why you grind your teeth while sleeping.”
Jane froze with her bottle halfway to her mouth.
Maura realised her mistake a fraction too late.
There were perfectly innocent circumstances in which one friend might observe another sleeping. Long flights. Overnight cases. The hospital. Jane’s sofa, once, after Maura had spent fourteen hours supervising the recovery of remains from a collapsed foundation and discovered that driving home required a degree of concentration she no longer possessed.
There had also been the morning three weeks earlier when Maura had awakened in Jane’s bed with Jane’s back fitted against her chest and one arm curled beneath Maura’s pillow. They had fallen asleep fully dressed after drinking most of a bottle of wine, and Jane had moved away so quickly upon waking that she had struck her elbow against the nightstand. Neither had mentioned it since.
“You said my teeth grinding kept you awake,” Maura clarified.
“Right.” Jane drank. “When you fell asleep on my sofa.”
“Yes.”
“Obviously.”
The silence that followed was brief enough to be defensible and long enough to become aware of itself.
Maura picked up her fork. “The first class is next Tuesday.”
Jane stared at her. “You already signed us up?”
“There was a discount for enrolling in pairs.”
“You signed me up for karate without asking me?”
“I asked you five minutes ago.”
“After you signed me up.”
“I was reasonably confident you would agree.”
“I haven’t agreed.”
“The fee is non-refundable.”
Jane pointed at her with the neck of her beer bottle. “That is manipulative.”
“Yes.”
“You admit it?”
“Denying it wouldn’t make the observation less accurate.”
For several seconds, Jane said nothing. Then she tipped her head back and groaned toward the ceiling, a long-suffering sound undermined by the smile she was no longer attempting to hide.
“Tuesday,” she muttered. “But if some twelve-year-old in a black belt kicks my ass, we’re never speaking about it.”
“Agreed.”
“And I’m not wearing one of those outfits.”
“They’re called gi.”
“Not wearing one.”
“I ordered yours in black.”
Jane lowered her head.
Maura smiled.
“You are such a pain in my ass,” Jane groaned.
It was a familiar complaint, delivered in an equally familiar tone, but Jane was looking at her in that quiet, unguarded way she occasionally did when she seemed to have forgotten that Maura might look back. The expression warmed the chocolate of her eyes and softened the line of her mouth. Maura felt the same inexplicable loosening beneath her sternum, followed this time by something lower and less easily dismissed.
Then Jane blinked, and it was gone.
Maura returned her attention to dinner.
She told herself Tuesday would be good for them.
She did not yet understand precisely how complicated it would become.
~*~
By the conclusion of their first class, Jane had been kicked in the thigh by a sixteen-year-old girl named Sophie, corrected twice for failing to bow and instructed by Sensei Nakamura to stop anticipating her partner’s movements.
“You fight what you imagine,” he told her. “Not what is in front of you.”
Jane hadn’t responded well to this.
Maura, who had never previously seen Jane attempt to glare a martial arts instructor into withdrawing a philosophical observation, found the experience illuminating.
The dojo occupied the second floor of a narrow brick building in South Boston, above a laundromat and beside a bakery that had been closed for nearly three years. It smelled of clean canvas, old timber and the faint mineral sharpness of perspiration. Framed photographs lined the walls alongside Japanese calligraphy and certificates Maura had paused to examine until Jane caught the back of her gi and steered her toward the changing room.
Jane had complained throughout the warm-up. She complained about removing her shoes, about the stiffness of the uniform and about the impropriety of asking a homicide detective to perform forty push-ups on what she was certain had once been an elementary school floor. Yet when the instruction began, her body changed.
Maura noticed it before she understood what she was seeing.
The restless humour disappeared first. Then the slight hunch Jane carried through ordinary life, as though she were perpetually braced against an incoming blow. Her movements became deliberate and economical. She listened even while pretending otherwise, watching each demonstration with the intense stillness she brought to a crime scene. Where Maura needed to think through the position of each foot and the rotation of her hips, Jane seemed to understand movement instinctively. Her body recognised balance, distance and force before the explanations were complete.
It was beautiful.
Maura hadn’t expected that word.
Competent, certainly. Impressive. Athletic. Jane’s work required strength, speed and coordination, all of which Maura had observed in less formal circumstances. She had watched Jane vault fences, pursue suspects down alleys and tackle men substantially larger than herself. She had watched her fight for her own life.
This was different.
There was no desperation in it. No blood. No threat for Jane to place herself between. Only the controlled extension of her limbs, the flex of muscle beneath heavy cotton and the sharp exhalation of breath each time she struck the pad Maura held against her chest.
The force travelled through Maura’s arms and into her ribs.
“Too hard?” Jane asked immediately.
“No.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
Jane’s gaze moved over her face, searching for evidence that contradicted the answer. Finding none, she stepped back into position.
“Again,” Maura insisted.
Jane struck.
By the end of the hour, Maura’s arms ached and the skin over her knuckles felt tender. Her hair had escaped its braid in damp strands that adhered to her neck. Jane had developed a dark flush along her cheekbones and an expression of reluctant satisfaction she tried to conceal by criticising the class’s unrealistic prohibition against striking an opponent in the face.
They knelt with the other students for the closing bow. Maura could feel Jane beside her, close enough that the heat of her body occupied the narrow space between their shoulders without contact. It should not have been distracting. Proximity was an objectively unremarkable condition.
Maura was distracted anyway.
Before dismissing them, Sensei Nakamura rose and folded his hands behind his back.
“Next Thursday, we hold a ground-defence workshop,” he announced. “Kyokushin makes you strong on your feet. The real world does not promise you will remain there.”
Jane glanced sideways at Maura.
“Tournament has rules. Street does not. You may be knocked down. You may be grabbed. You may find someone larger on top of you. We train so that position does not decide outcome.”
Around them, several students nodded. Maura listened with interest, already considering the mechanical advantages involved in fighting from beneath an opponent’s centre of gravity.
Beside her, Jane leaned closer.
“Absolutely not,” she whispered.
Maura turned her head. “We’ve already paid.”
Jane closed her eyes.
And because Sensei Nakamura was still speaking, Maura faced forward before her smile could be noticed.
~*~
By Thursday morning, Jane had found what she appeared to consider a legitimate reason not to attend the ground-defence workshop.
The reason was currently resting on a stainless-steel examination tray in Maura’s autopsy room.
“It’s a finger,” Jane announced.
“It is.”
“A human finger.”
“Yes, Jane.”
“Which means we have a case.”
Maura glanced from the severed digit to Jane, who stood on the opposite side of the examination table with both hands braced against its edge. She had arrived six minutes earlier, displaying an enthusiasm for potential homicide that would have been concerning under most circumstances. Her eyes were unusually bright, her coat remained fastened despite the controlled temperature of the room and she had already referred to the finger as a victim twice.
Technically, it was human tissue. Whether it constituted evidence of a crime had yet to be established.
“It means a finger was discovered,” Maura corrected.
“Buried in a backyard.”
“Approximately twenty-eight centimetres beneath the surface.”
“See? Nobody accidentally buries a finger ten inches underground.”
“Eleven.”
Jane stared at her. “That’s what you’re focusing on?”
“You converted the measurement incorrectly.”
“I rounded.”
“You rounded down by more than an inch.”
“Maura, someone dug a hole and put a finger in it.”
“The landscaping contractor responsible for the discovery was excavating a garden bed. It’s possible the finger was displaced from another location by animal activity, soil movement or previous landscaping.”
Jane folded her arms. “Or somebody murdered a guy and buried him in pieces.”
“There was no evidence of additional remains.”
“Yet.”
“The responding officers excavated the immediate area.”
“Maybe they started with the finger and put the rest of him somewhere else.”
“That would be an inefficient method of disposing of a body.”
“Most murderers aren’t efficiency experts.”
“Serial offenders who dismember their victims often demonstrate considerable organisational ability.” Maura countered.
“That is not helping your argument.”
“I wasn’t aware we were arguing.”
Jane’s expression suggested that she believed they had been arguing since she entered the room and that Maura’s failure to notice was merely another tactic. She pushed away from the table and began pacing, although the confined space and arrangement of equipment permitted only three strides in either direction.
Maura watched her turn.
The muscle soreness from Tuesday’s class had largely resolved. Jane’s gait was normal, though she remained cautious when lowering herself into a chair and had declined to use the stairs that morning on the grounds that the elevator was already open. Maura hadn’t mentioned either observation. She had learned that concern was more effective when deployed selectively, when it came to the detective.
Jane glanced toward the clock above the sinks.
It was the fourth time she had done so in eleven minutes.
“The workshop begins at six thirty,” Maura reminded.
Jane’s attention returned to her. “Okay, I mean, unless this turns into a homicide.”
“A severed finger is not generally fatal.”
“It could be a clue.”
“To what?”
“To the rest of the dead guy.”
Maura lowered her eyes to the tray.
The finger had been separated through the proximal phalanx and was missing the distal portion of the flexor tendon. Decomposition had been slowed by the cool soil, but not prevented. The surrounding tissue was desiccated and discoloured, obscuring some of the finer details of the injury. It had likely belonged to an adult male and had not been buried recently, but little else could be established without imaging and further examination.
It was, in purely anatomical terms, an unremarkable finger.
Its effect upon Jane was considerably more interesting.
“You’re hoping the owner is dead,” Maura accused.
Jane stopped pacing. “I’m not hoping anybody’s dead.”
“You appeared disappointed when I explained that digit loss is survivable.”
“I know people can survive losing a finger.”
“Then why did you ask whether it could have caused fatal blood loss?”
“Because it could.”
“Not without another significant injury or a severe impairment of coagulation.”
“Which we don’t know he didn’t have.”
“You also asked whether identifying the owner might require us to remain at the precinct this evening.”
“That was a procedural question.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
Jane looked offended. “I’m a detective. I ask questions.”
“You are attempting to use a disembodied finger to avoid spending an hour at karate with me.”
Her mouth opened, but no answer came.
Maura waited.
The autopsy room hummed around them, refrigeration units and fluorescent lights filling the silence Jane had allowed to form. Colour crept slowly upward from beneath the collar of her shirt, spreading across her throat until it reached the lower curve of her jaw.
Maura had seen the same response on Tuesday evening when Sensei Nakamura announced the workshop. She had attributed it then to exertion. Jane had completed an hour of unfamiliar exercise in a heavy cotton uniform, and vasodilation was a necessary thermoregulatory response.
The room was presently sixty-eight degrees.
Jane cleared her throat. “I’m not avoiding anything.”
Maura tilted her head. “Why don’t you want to partner with me?”
Jane looked down at the finger.
Maura followed her gaze and recognised, with a faint stirring of disbelief, that Jane was considering whether a severed human appendage might provide an easier subject of conversation.
The doors opened before she could pursue the question.
Frost entered carrying a thin file and an expression already shaped by amusement. Korsak followed with his glasses lowered on his nose, reading from a statement as he walked.
“Good news,” Frost announced. “Your murder victim’s alive.”
Jane frowned. “What?”
“Owner of the finger. Raymond Butler, sixty-one. Works construction over in Cambridge. Well, supervises now.” Frost held out the file. “Lost the index finger of his left hand in a table-saw accident fourteen years ago.”
Maura looked down at the tray. “Was the digit recovered at the time?”
“That’s where it gets interesting.”
Korsak removed his glasses. “According to Mr Butler, no. He looked for it, the paramedics looked for it, everybody assumed it got kicked under the deck or carried off by a raccoon.”
Jane’s face had begun to fall. “So how did it end up buried in somebody else’s backyard?”
“Wasn’t somebody else’s backyard then.” Frost’s smile widened. “House belonged to Butler and his wife.”
“Ex-wife,” Korsak added. “Very important distinction, according to Mrs Butler.”
“They divorced three years after the accident,” Frost continued. “She got the house. Sold it six months ago.”
Maura looked between them. “How did she acquire the finger?”
“She found it before the paramedics arrived,” Korsak said. “Apparently Ray had been drinking when he decided to fix the deck, after she told him not to. She saw the finger under the workbench, put it in a plastic container and stuck it at the back of the garage freezer.”
Jane stared at him. “Why?”
“Said she wanted to teach him a lesson.”
“What lesson?”
“She wasn’t clear.”
Frost opened the file and glanced at his notes. “She forgot about it until she cleaned out the freezer for the move. By then they’d been through a three-year divorce and Ray had just gotten engaged to the woman he’d been sleeping with during the marriage.”
A reluctant interest returned to Jane’s face. “So she buried his finger in the yard.”
“With the wedding ring he stopped wearing six months before they separated.”
For several seconds, no one spoke.
Maura considered the digit with renewed interest. “Symbolic interment.”
Jane looked at her. “She revenge-buried his finger.”
“I believe those descriptions are compatible.”
“Can we arrest her?”
“For what?” Frost asked. “Improper disposal of an ex-husband?”
“He wasn’t dead,” Maura reminded him.
Jane took the file and began reading with the increasingly grim expression of someone watching a viable excuse collapse one paragraph at a time.
“So that’s it?” she asked. “We’re just taking her word for it?”
“Ray confirmed the story,” Korsak said. “Said it sounded exactly like something Lorraine would do.”
“We should still run DNA.”
“We are,” Maura said. “However, the healed amputation on Mr Butler’s left hand is consistent with the portion recovered, and his medical records document the original injury.”
Jane flipped another page. “What about charges?”
“The current homeowners don’t want to pursue anything,” Frost said. “They mostly wanted someone to get the finger out of their house.”
“It was never inside their house.” Maura glanced up, confused.
Frost snickered. “They don’t seem comforted by that.”
Korsak looked at the clock. “So, barring another corpse turning up between now and quitting time, we’re done.”
Jane lifted her head. “We’ve got reports.”
“You’ve got half a report. Frost already did the rest.”
Jane turned on him. “Why?”
Frost shrugged. “I’m supportive of women learning self-defence.”
“You’re enjoying this way too much.” Jane accused
“Sixteen-year-old kicked your ass.” Frost’s grin widened, evidence indeed of how much he was enjoying his partners discomfort.
“She did not kick my ass.” Jane argued.
“She kicked part of it.”
“My thigh isn’t part of my ass.”
“It’s adjacent.” Frost snorted.
Maura removed her gloves and deposited them in the appropriate receptacle. “Anatomically, the gluteus maximus extends farther down the posterior thigh than most people realise.”
Jane pointed at her. “Not one word from you.”
“I was clarifying Barry’s statement.”
“You were helping him.”
“Yes.”
Jane’s eyes narrowed, but Maura could see the reluctant amusement beneath her irritation. It softened her features and deepened the small lines at the corners of her eyes, producing the familiar sensation somewhere behind Maura’s ribs.
Jane handed the file back to Frost. “I hope the next thing someone finds in a yard belongs to you.”
“Ouch!”
~*~
By six twenty-five, Jane had objected to the workshop eleven times.
Three objections concerned the day of the week. Two concerned the stiffness of her uniform. One involved the dojo’s continued failure to serve coffee. The remaining five were variations upon the assertion that a homicide detective possessed no need to spend Thursday evening learning how to roll around on the floor.
Maura listened to each one while tying her belt.
The changing room was narrow and overly warm, lined with timber benches polished smooth by years of use. Jane stood at the opposite end, glaring down at the knot in her own belt as though it had been designed specifically to humiliate her.
“You’ve tied it incorrectly,” Maura said.
“It’s tied.”
“One end is approximately nine centimetres longer than the other.”
“It’s a belt, not a suspension bridge.”
“It may come loose.”
Jane tugged both ends. “Seems fine.”
Maura crossed the room before Jane could object. She loosened the knot and drew one end through, concentrating on evening the lengths. The fabric was warm from Jane’s hands. When Maura pulled it flat across her waist, her knuckles brushed the front of Jane’s gi.
Jane’s abdomen tightened beneath the cloth.
The response was immediate enough to be involuntary.
Maura’s hands stilled.
Jane didn’t move. They stood close enough that Maura could feel the heat rising from her body and see the fine movement of her pulse at the base of her throat. Her breathing had become shallow, each inhalation lifting her chest without seeming to fill her lungs.
“You’re nervous,” Maura observed quietly.
“No, I’m not.” Jane bit back, defensively.
“Your heart rate is elevated.”
“You can’t know that.” The brunette scoffed.
“I can see your carotid pulse.”
Jane swallowed. “Stop looking at my neck.”
Maura lowered her gaze, only to discover that this placed her attention on the small triangle of skin exposed where Jane’s gi had fallen open at the collar. A faint sheen of perspiration caught the light above her clavicle despite the fact that they had not yet begun warming up.
Maura looked back at the belt.
Her own fingers no longer felt entirely steady.
“There,” she said, finishing the knot. “Now it’s secure.”
Jane looked down at her. “You done?”
“Yes.”
Neither stepped away.
Voices drifted in from the dojo beyond the changing-room door, accompanied by bare feet moving over canvas and the occasional dull impact of a body meeting the mat. The sounds seemed strangely distant.
Jane’s eyes moved briefly to Maura’s mouth.
It was such a small movement that Maura might have dismissed it as incidental had Jane not drawn back immediately afterward.
“We’re gonna be late,” she muttered.
She turned and pushed through the door before Maura could answer.
Maura remained beside the bench for several seconds, listening to her own heartbeat.
Then she followed Jane onto the mat.
~*~
Sensei Nakamura began the workshop by asking them to lie down.
Jane looked at Maura. “I knew this was a scam.”
“A scam generally involves financial deception.”
“You paid money to make me lie on the floor. That counts.”
“You’re standing.”
“I’m considering my options.”
The other students were already arranging themselves in two rows across the mats, leaving enough space between each pair to move safely. Jane surveyed the room as though an undiscovered third option might present itself if she remained upright long enough. Maura suspected she was searching for Sophie, either to avoid being partnered with her again or to employ her as an alternative to Maura although she was out of luck because the girl hadn’t attended the workshop.
Maura experienced more satisfaction at this than seemed reasonable.
“Down,” Sensei Nakamura repeated.
Jane sighed and lowered herself onto the mat beside Maura. They sat facing the front of the dojo while one of the senior students, a broad-shouldered man named Daniel, joined their instructor in the centre.
“Kyokushin teaches you to remain standing,” Sensei Nakamura said. “Strong stance. Strong legs. Strong spirit. But real violence is not kind enough to follow the rules of your training. Someone may tackle you. They may knock you down. They may already be on top of you before you understand you are in danger.”
He lay down on his back and directed Daniel to settle over him with one knee on either side of his hips.
Jane’s posture changed.
It was slight, but Maura felt it where their shoulders nearly touched. The restless humour left her first. Her spine straightened and her attention narrowed, every part of her orienting toward the demonstration with the stillness she usually reserved for crime scenes.
“This is the mount,” Sensei Nakamura said. “It is a dangerous position for the person beneath. Your attacker has gravity. They have freedom to strike. If you panic and turn away, you expose the back of your head. If you reach for their face, you give them your arm.”
He demonstrated each mistake as he described it, allowing Daniel to show how easily an extended limb could be controlled. Then he placed his hands close to his own face, elbows drawn toward his ribs.
“First, protect yourself. Then disrupt balance.”
He planted both feet against the mat and drove his hips sharply upward.
The motion lifted Daniel several inches. His weight pitched forward, forcing him to release his posture and catch himself on both hands before his face struck the floor.
A murmur moved through the students.
“You do not need to lift them forever,” Sensei Nakamura explained as he lowered his hips again. “Only long enough to make the hands busy. When the hands are on the floor, they are not striking you.”
He repeated the movement slowly. This time, as Daniel fell forward, Sensei Nakamura brought both knees inward and locked his legs around Daniel’s waist. One arm threaded between Daniel’s, passing beneath the shoulder to disrupt his base, while the opposite hand pressed firmly at the upper arm.
“Control the body. Remove support. Then turn.”
His hips rotated. Daniel tipped sideways and rolled, the two men moving as a single connected unit until Sensei Nakamura settled above him. The reversal took less than two seconds when performed at full speed, but broken into its separate movements it was almost mathematical: force redirected through leverage, stability removed from one side of the body, momentum permitted to complete what strength had begun.
Maura leaned forward.
“I knew you’d like this,” Jane muttered.
“It’s an elegant application of biomechanics.”
“It’s a guy getting dumped on his ass.”
“Those descriptions aren’t mutually exclusive.”
Jane looked at her, and for an instant the concentration softened into amusement. “You’re such a nerd.”
The words were affectionate. They always were, though Jane took care to disguise affection beneath exasperation, as though it might become dangerous if recognised too openly. Maura smiled.
“Person nearest the windows begins on the ground,” Sensei Nakamura instructed. “Partner takes mount. No striking. Move slowly. The person on top gives realistic weight but does not resist the reversal until the movement is understood.”
Maura and Jane both looked toward the windows.
They were behind Jane.
“No,” Jane said.
“You’re nearest.”
“I can see that.”
“Then you should lie down.”
Jane’s eyes narrowed. “You’re enjoying this.”
“I’m eager to practise.”
“That’s what I said.”
Nevertheless, she stretched out on her back. Her hands folded across her stomach for a moment before she seemed to think better of the position and placed them flat against the mat instead. She stared at the ceiling.
Maura moved onto her knees beside Jane’s legs.
Jane looked at her. Then at the space over her hips. Then back at Maura.
“You know,” she said, “Korsak was very interested in this class.”
“He was interested in embarrassing you.”
“He could still learn something.”
“Sensei Nakamura instructed us to begin.”
“I heard him.”
Maura waited.
Jane blew out a breath. “Fine.”
She bent her knees slightly and placed both feet on the floor. Maura shifted one leg across her body, settling carefully over Jane’s hips before bringing the other knee down on the opposite side.
Jane’s entire body went rigid beneath her.
Maura stopped before allowing any of her weight to settle. “Am I hurting you?”
“No.”
“You appear uncomfortable.”
“I’m lying on a floor.”
“You were comfortable thirty seconds ago.”
“That was before you—” Jane stopped.
“Before I what?”
“Nothing.”
The answer emerged too quickly. Jane’s gaze had fixed somewhere above Maura’s shoulder, refusing to come any lower, though the rigid line of her throat revealed each swallow.
Maura became aware, by gradual and disastrous increments, of their precise arrangement.
Her knees rested against the outside of Jane’s hips. The centre of her weight hovered over Jane’s pelvis, held carefully through her thighs to prevent the position from becoming uncomfortable. Jane’s belt pressed beneath the inside of Maura’s knee. The front of her gi had loosened enough to expose the same small triangle of skin Maura had noticed in the changing room.
The elevated heart rate had returned.
Maura could see it in the hollow of Jane’s throat.
“Maura.”
“Yes?”
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Looking at me like I’m on your table.”
“I don’t look at you the way I look at a body on my table.”
“How would you know?”
“Because the physiological response is different.”
Jane’s gaze snapped to hers.
Maura heard the sentence only after she had spoken it.
The dojo seemed abruptly too warm. She could feel perspiration gathering beneath the heavy fabric at the base of her spine, although they had performed almost no physical exertion. Heat spread upward along her neck.
“What response?” Jane asked.
Sensei Nakamura clapped once from the front of the room.
“Partners in mount, place weight down,” he instructed. “The person beneath must learn against pressure, not imagination.”
Maura looked away first.
She lowered herself gradually, allowing more of her weight to settle through her hips. The contact should have remained impersonal. It was a training position, replicated by seven other pairs across the room. Nothing about it was unique to them.
Jane inhaled sharply.
Maura felt the breath travel through the body beneath hers.
“Too much?” she asked.
“No.”
Jane’s hands had curled into fists against the mat. Maura looked down at them.
“You’re tense.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because you are.”
“I’ve got someone sitting on me.”
“I’m not sitting on you.”
“What would you call it?”
“Mounting.”
Jane closed her eyes.
Maura considered the terminology. “I recognise that the word has other connotations, but within martial arts—”
“I know what it means.”
“Then why are you reacting?”
Jane opened her eyes again. Their colour had shifted beneath the overhead lights, brown withdrawing around the pupils until the green became more apparent.
“I’m waiting for the instructions.”
“You’re not looking at Sensei Nakamura.”
“Neither are you.”
For several seconds, neither woman spoke.
Jane’s body remained hard with restraint beneath Maura’s, but there was nothing defensive in the way she looked at her. Maura had seen Jane angry, frightened and injured. She had watched her conceal pain from doctors and grief from her family. She knew the narrowed eyes that preceded an argument and the restless jaw that signalled a lie.
She did not know this.
Or perhaps she knew it and had simply never permitted herself to translate the evidence into language.
“Person beneath,” Sensei Nakamura called, “feet close to the body. Drive through heels. Lift hips sharply.”
Jane’s hands opened.
“You ready?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“I don’t want you smashing your face.”
“I understand how to protect my head.”
Jane planted her feet. Maura shifted her attention to the placement of Jane’s legs, trying to determine whether her heels were close enough to generate the necessary force.
She was still looking down when Jane thrust her hips upward.
Maura’s balance disappeared.
She pitched forward with a startled gasp, both hands striking the mat on either side of Jane’s head. Her hair fell over one shoulder, creating a loose curtain around their faces. The movement had driven Jane’s body firmly against hers, eliminating the careful distance Maura had maintained.
Jane’s breath touched her mouth.
They stared at one another.
“That worked,” Maura said, though the observation seemed to require more air than it should have.
“Yeah.”
“You generated considerable force.”
“Sorry.”
“It wasn’t a criticism.”
Jane’s eyes moved over her face as though verifying the absence of injury. One hand lifted from the mat. For a moment Maura believed Jane intended to touch her, but her fingers closed instead around a strand of Maura’s hair and moved it away from her mouth.
The gesture was practical.
Jane didn’t need to let the hair pass slowly between her fingers.
“There,” she said.
Maura’s heartbeat struck hard against her ribs.
“Now knees in,” Sensei Nakamura instructed. “Lock the legs around your partner’s waist. Control before you reverse.”
Jane released Maura’s hair.
“Right,” she murmured.
Maura began to lift her torso, intending to create enough room for Jane to reposition her legs, but Jane’s hands came to her waist.
It was Maura’s turn to stop breathing.
Jane had touched her thousands of times. A palm at her back guiding her through a crowded room. Fingers around her wrist when impatience exceeded words. An arm thrown across her shoulders in celebration or exhaustion, the weight of Jane’s head following soon afterward. Their friendship had developed its own tactile language so gradually that Maura couldn’t identify when contact had become expected rather than exceptional.
This felt nothing like any of those touches.
Jane’s hands were warm even through the thick cotton, her fingers spanning the curve above Maura’s hips. She didn’t pull or push. She simply held her, waiting while Maura’s body forgot the sequence it had watched only moments earlier.
“You have to move up,” Jane said.
“Yes.”
“You okay?”
Maura understood abruptly why Jane disliked the question.
“Yes.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m not injured.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Before Maura could determine what Jane had asked, Jane brought her knees inward. Her legs slid along the outside of Maura’s thighs before closing around her waist, ankles locking at the base of her spine.
Maura’s hands almost slipped.
A new set of physical facts presented themselves all at once. The pressure of Jane’s legs around her. Jane’s knees framing her ribs. Jane’s fingers still curved against her waist. The complete absence of space between their bodies.
Heat moved low through Maura’s abdomen with such clarity that no alternative explanation remained available.
She wanted Jane.
The recognition didn’t arrive as a revelation. It was more like a diagnosis made after overlooking a collection of increasingly obvious symptoms. The altered heart rate when Jane smiled at her. The heightened awareness of every incidental touch. The morning in Jane’s bed, waking with her nose against the back of Jane’s neck and remaining perfectly still for several minutes after she realised Jane was awake too.
Each detail had existed independently because Maura had kept them that way.
Now Jane’s legs were locked around her waist, and denial was no longer intellectually defensible.
“You need to post your hands farther apart,” Jane whispered.
Maura looked down at her.
Jane was flushed from her collar to her hairline. The physical response might have been attributed to exertion if they hadn’t spent most of the exercise motionless. Her pupils remained dilated. Her breathing had become rapid and shallow, and her fingers tightened reflexively whenever Maura shifted her weight.
There were multiple possible explanations.
Maura wanted only one of them to be true.
“Like this?” she asked, moving her right hand wider.
“Yeah.”
Jane’s voice had roughened.
Sensei Nakamura moved slowly between the pairs. “Bottom partner, choose one arm. Thread beneath it. Control above the elbow. Push the shoulder across as the hips turn.”
Jane released Maura’s waist with one hand. Her arm slipped between Maura’s, brushing the inside of her elbow before reaching around the back of her upper arm. The position drew Maura even closer, her shoulder passing beside Jane’s face.
Jane turned her head.
Her cheek grazed Maura’s.
The contact lasted less than a second. Skin against skin, warm and unexpectedly soft.
Maura closed her eyes.
“Sorry,” Jane whispered.
“You don’t need to apologise.”
“I keep—”
Jane stopped.
Maura lifted her head far enough to see her face. “You keep what?”
“Nothing.”
“You began a sentence.”
“I changed my mind.”
“Jane.”
“Now’s not the time.”
“For what?”
Jane’s expression tightened. Not anger. Something closer to fear, though Maura couldn’t identify any external threat.
Sensei Nakamura’s voice carried across the room. “When you have the arm, push to the side and turn the hips. Do not try to throw your partner. Remove the support and allow gravity to work.”
Jane’s grip settled above Maura’s elbow.
“Ready?” she asked.
Maura was no longer certain what the question referred to. “Yes.”
Jane pushed her arm across and rotated sharply.
The world tilted.
Maura instinctively tightened her body as they rolled together, Jane’s legs maintaining their hold around her waist until the mat met Maura’s back with a muted impact. Jane followed the movement, one hand catching herself beside Maura’s shoulder while the other remained wrapped around her arm.
When they stopped, Jane was above her.
For several seconds, neither appeared capable of moving.
Jane’s knees rested on either side of Maura’s hips. Her weight settled through the cradle of Maura’s pelvis with considerably less restraint than Maura had used, the speed of the reversal having left no opportunity for careful distance. One of Maura’s arms remained drawn across her body and secured against Jane’s chest.
Jane’s face hovered inches above hers. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.”
“You hit pretty hard.”
“I’m fine.”
Jane searched her face, her gaze moving from Maura’s eyes to her mouth and back again.
The evidence was no longer subtle.
Maura’s pulse accelerated until she could feel it beneath Jane’s hand where it rested near her shoulder. Jane must have felt it too. Her fingers flexed once against the fabric.
Maura could identify every physiological sign of arousal present in Jane’s body. Elevated respiratory rate. Flushed skin. Dilated pupils. Muscular tension. She could catalogue them with clinical precision, compare them with her own and reach the obvious conclusion.
Yet Jane was still Jane. The person Maura trusted more completely than anyone she had known. Friendship had given Maura an intimacy she had never believed herself capable of sustaining, and desire introduced the possibility that naming one thing might destroy the other.
Jane’s gaze dropped to her mouth again.
“Jane,” Maura whispered.
Whatever she might have said disappeared when Sensei Nakamura stopped beside them.
“Good reversal,” he offered.
Jane jerked upright.
The abrupt movement shifted her hips against Maura’s.
Both women froze.
Sensei Nakamura remained mercifully unaware. “But do not stop once you reach the mount. In real confrontation, you must create opportunity to escape. Control the wrists, move the knees higher and prepare to disengage.”
Jane moved off Maura so quickly that her knee caught in the hem of her gi.
“I think we got it,” her voice was an octave higher.
Maura sat up slowly. “We’ve only completed one repetition.”
“I got the general idea.”
“Repetition develops procedural memory.”
“My memory’s fine.”
“That isn’t what procedural memory means.”
Jane got to her feet and tugged her gi back into place without meeting Maura’s eyes. “I need water.”
“We had a water break eleven minutes ago.”
“I’m dehydrated.”
“You’ve barely perspired.”
“Maura.” She said the name with enough strain that Maura stopped.
Jane stood above her, breathing too quickly, one hand curled around the edge of her belt. Beneath the embarrassment, Maura recognised something more fragile: not rejection, but the fear of being understood before Jane was prepared to explain herself.
Maura lowered her gaze.
“All right,” she relented softly.
Jane crossed the mat toward the row of water bottles and she didn’t look back.
Maura remained seated where Jane had left her, the warmth of the other woman’s body lingering across her hips and the faint imprint of Jane’s fingers still present along her arm.
For the first time, Maura didn’t attempt to find an alternative explanation for either of them.
Jane remained beside the water bottles until Sensei Nakamura called the class back to order.
She drank more than the brief exercise could reasonably have required, taking small, deliberate swallows while keeping her back turned to Maura. The position permitted Maura to study her without being observed in return. Jane’s shoulders rose beneath the heavy cotton with each breath and lowered more slowly than they had before. The dark fall of her ponytail concealed the nape of her neck, but several damp strands had escaped and adhered to the skin below her hairline.
Maura knew the shape of that neck.
She knew where Jane’s hair ended when it was loose and how warm the skin beneath it became while she slept. She knew there was a small mole behind Jane’s left ear and a nearly invisible scar beneath her jaw from an accident Jane claimed not to remember. Maura had collected these details without understanding the desire that guided her attention. They had seemed harmless when considered individually.
Together, they formed an intimacy Maura could no longer mistake for ordinary observation.
Jane turned.
Maura lowered her eyes too late.
Their gazes met across the dojo. Jane’s expression tightened with recognition, and for one suspended second Maura had the strange impression that whatever had changed inside her was now plainly visible—that Jane could see the newly assembled truth in her face and was already retreating from it.
Then Sensei Nakamura spoke, and the moment broke.
“A technique learned without resistance is only the beginning,” he told the class. “The body must learn to adapt when the other person does not cooperate.”
Several of the newer students exchanged apprehensive looks. Jane capped her water bottle with unnecessary force.
“This time, partner on top maintains the mount. Use balance, not strength. Partner beneath uses the bridge and reversal. Work at half speed.”
Jane returned to the mat. “Look, I think I need some fresh air, I’m gonna wait out front.”
Maura waited, but Jane’s attention had already dropped to the mat. She rubbed one bare foot against the canvas as if something had adhered to it, though the surface was clean.
“Did I do something wrong?” Maura asked.
Jane’s head lifted at once. “No.”
“Then why don’t you want to touch me?”
The question was quieter than the noise surrounding them, but Jane reacted as if Maura had raised her voice. Her shoulders drew back. Her lips parted, then closed again when no answer emerged.
“I didn’t say that,” she managed.
“You’ve attempted to avoid this workshop since Tuesday. When we arrived, you delayed partnering with me. Each time the exercise required closer contact, you found a reason to stop.”
“That’s not— I’m trying not to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable.”
“Well, maybe I am.” The words escaped before Jane could restrain them.
They stood between the two women, startling in their simplicity.
Maura felt some internal structure shift. It was not quite pain, though pain was often easier to interpret than uncertainty. She had believed Jane’s responses indicated attraction because Maura wanted them to. Now she was forced to consider the equally plausible explanation that Jane simply disliked the intimacy of the exercises and lacked a graceful means of refusing it.
“I see,” Maura muttered.
Jane’s expression changed. “No, you don’t.”
“You’ve made your position clear.”
“I definitely haven’t.”
“I won’t ask you to partner with me again.”
Maura turned before the disappointment could alter her face. Sensei Nakamura stood several feet away correcting the placement of another student’s knees. She could ask him to rearrange the remaining pairs. Someone would accommodate her.
Jane caught her wrist.
The contact sent a small, traitorous shock along Maura’s arm.
“Wait.”
Maura looked down at Jane’s hand. Her fingers circled the narrowest part of Maura’s wrist, firm without causing pressure. Jane followed her gaze and loosened her grip but did not release her.
“That’s not what I meant,” she said.
“What did you mean?”
“I don’t know.”
“You generally know whether you want to touch someone.”
“That’s the problem.”
Maura’s attention lifted slowly to her face.
Jane closed her eyes for the briefest moment. When they reopened, her expression had become guarded.
Sensei Nakamura clapped his hands. “Begin.”
Around them, the class lowered itself onto the mats.
Jane released Maura’s wrist.
“Can we do this later?” She asked.
“Do what?”
“Talk.”
“About why touching me is a problem?”
Jane glanced toward the nearest pair, though neither student appeared to be listening. “Could you not say it like that?”
“How should I say it?”
“I don’t know. Quieter.” Jane gritted.
“I was speaking quietly.”
“You were speaking Maura quietly.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means everybody hears you because they’re trying to figure out why you sound like an audiobook.”
Maura considered this. “No one has ever described my voice that way.”
“Yeah, well, I’m full of new information tonight.”
Sensei Nakamura looked in their direction.
Jane sighed and lowered herself onto her back. “Come on. Before we get kicked out.”
Maura knelt beside her. “We’re paying customers.”
“I don’t think that means you can argue through the whole class.”
“We weren’t arguing.”
“Maura.”
She moved into the mount.
Jane’s hands settled lightly at the outside of Maura’s thighs to guide her balance. This time the contact was deliberate, almost businesslike. Jane stared past her shoulder toward Sensei Nakamura, her breathing regulated and her face composed.
It should have been reassuring.
Instead, the rigid control confirmed everything Jane refused to say. The careful placement of her hands. The way she avoided looking directly at Maura. The small muscle flexing near her jaw when Maura allowed her weight to settle.
Jane was not unaffected.
She was fighting not to be.
“Ready?” Maura asked.
“Yeah.”
Jane drove her hips upward.
Maura anticipated the movement and shifted her weight, widening her knees enough to preserve her balance. Jane dropped back to the mat.
Her eyes narrowed. “You resisted.”
“That was the purpose of the exercise.”
“You could’ve warned me.”
“An assailant wouldn’t warn you.”
An unwilling smile pulled at Jane’s mouth. “Okay.”
She bucked again, this time twisting slightly beneath Maura in an attempt to disrupt her balance. Maura corrected, placing one hand against Jane’s shoulder while adjusting the angle of her hips.
Jane’s smile deepened.
The tension didn’t disappear, but something familiar moved through it: Jane’s instinctive competitiveness, the pleasure she took in discovering that an opponent might present an actual challenge. Her hands tightened against Maura’s legs.
“You really wanna do this?” She challenged.
“We’re in the middle of doing it.”
“I mean you want me to try?”
“I would be disappointed if you didn’t.”
Jane’s gaze sharpened. “All right, Doctor.”
She moved without warning.
Her hips lifted with considerably more force, one knee drawing inward as she turned beneath Maura. The motion shifted Maura’s weight toward her right hand. Jane immediately caught the arm and pulled it across, trying to remove the support before locking her legs around Maura’s waist.
Maura widened her base and recovered.
Jane laughed.
The sound was breathless and low, felt as much as heard through the body beneath her. Maura’s pulse responded before she could prevent it.
“Almost,” Maura tipped her head with a non-commital shrug.
“Don’t sound so smug.”
“I’m not smug.”
“You’ve got your smug face on.”
“I don’t have a smug face.” Maura’s tone bordered on offense.
“Oh, you absolutely do.”
Jane tried again.
This time Maura was prepared for the bridge but not the direction of it. Jane shifted left and then reversed suddenly, forcing Maura to catch herself with both hands. Jane’s legs closed around her waist. Her arm threaded beneath Maura’s, securing the shoulder before Maura could withdraw.
For a moment they were in the same position as before, Maura suspended above Jane, their bodies held together by the pressure of Jane’s thighs.
Jane’s laughter faded.
Their faces were close again. Close enough for Maura to feel the warmth of her breath, to see the fragile control returning around her eyes.
Jane’s legs tightened.
Maura didn’t know whether the movement was intentional.
“You have me,” she said quietly.
Jane’s gaze fell to her mouth. “I know.”
The answer carried an entirely different meaning.
Maura’s breath caught.
Jane seemed to realise what she had said. She turned hard through her hips before either of them could acknowledge it, pulling Maura sideways with enough force that the room tipped around them.
They rolled.
Jane followed the momentum into the mount, but Maura continued turning beneath her, using the motion to bring one knee between their bodies. Jane corrected instinctively, catching Maura around the waist and attempting to flatten her back to the mat.
The exercise lost its sequence.
She sat back abruptly, leaving cool air where her body had been.
“Sorry.”
Maura rolled onto her back and looked up at her. “You apologise to me frequently when we do this.”
“Maybe that should tell you something.”
“What?”
Jane’s eyes closed. “Never mind.”
Sensei Nakamura stopped beside them. “Everything all right?”
“Yes,” Jane answered immediately.
“No,” Maura said at the same time.
Their instructor looked between them.
Maura considered explaining that the exercise had uncovered a previously unacknowledged pattern of physical attraction within a friendship central to both participants’ emotional well-being. Jane’s expression suggested that doing so might result in her immediate death.
“We’re having difficulty with the position,” Maura decided instead, because it wasn’t entirely a lie.
Sensei Nakamura nodded. “Too much speed. Technique disappears when you rush. Begin again slowly.”
He waited until Jane returned to the ground and Maura settled over her, then adjusted their placement with concise instructions.
“Knees closer. Sit lower. Ms Rizzoli, do not hold the legs. Hands protect the face.”
Jane complied.
“Now bridge.”
They moved through the sequence under observation. Without the opportunity to hesitate, their bodies performed each step smoothly. Jane lifted her hips. Maura caught herself. Jane locked her legs around Maura’s waist, controlled her arm and turned.
They rolled.
Jane landed above her.
“Good,” Sensei Nakamura said. “Again.”
By the fifth repetition, the movement had become fluid. By the tenth, Maura no longer needed to consider the placement of each limb. Jane’s body communicated its intention through pressure and balance, and Maura responded before thought could interfere. They traded positions across the mat, breathless and increasingly dishevelled, neither speaking except to check an elbow or reposition a knee.
The tension remained. It settled beneath everything they did, made bearable only by motion.
When Sensei Nakamura finally called for them to stop, Jane was lying on her back with Maura beside her, both staring at the ceiling.
Their shoulders touched.
Neither moved apart.
“You’re stronger than you look,” Jane admitted after a moment.
“You consistently underestimate me.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You tried to hold back.”
“I was trying not to hurt you.” Jane defended.
“That isn’t the same as trusting me.”
Jane turned her head.
Maura did the same. Their faces were only inches apart, hair damp against their temples, breathing not yet returned to normal.
“I trust you,” Jane said.
“With your life.” Maura added.
“Yeah, with my life.”
“But not with this.”
Jane looked away first.
The remainder of the workshop passed without further conversation. They practised protecting their heads, escaping wrist control and rising from the ground without turning their backs on an attacker. Jane demonstrated each movement with controlled efficiency, watching Maura closely but touching her only when instruction required it.
By the closing bow, the space between them had become more exhausting than the exercise.
They changed in silence.
Jane dressed quickly, pulling on her jeans and shirt with her back to Maura before stuffing the folded gi into her bag. She left the changing room while Maura was still fastening her blouse, calling something about warming up the car without waiting for a response.
When Maura stepped outside ten minutes later, Jane was leaning against the passenger side of her sedan.
She had not warmed up the car.
The keys remained in her hand, and her coat was open despite the cold. Streetlight collected in her dark hair and cast one side of her face into shadow. She straightened when Maura approached but didn’t open the car door.
“You said we would talk,” Maura reminded her as she came to a stop.
Jane looked toward the end of the street. “I said we could do it later.”
“It’s later.”
“It’s also freezing.” She argued, pushing stray strands of unruly curls behind her ears.
“We can sit in the car.”
“Your place is closer.”
“Then we can talk there.”
Jane rubbed a hand over the back of her neck. “Or we could get food and forget this whole thing happened.”
“I don’t want to forget it.”
“That makes one of us.”
The answer hurt more than Maura expected.
She looked down at her bag, gripping the straps until the leather pressed into her palm. “If being physically close to me is so unpleasant, I won’t ask you to return to the dojo.”
Jane stared at her, dumbfounded. “Unpleasant?”
“You’ve spent the entire evening attempting to escape me.”
“That’s not what I was doing.”
“What were you doing?”
Jane stepped away from the car. “Trying not to screw everything up.”
“By refusing to speak to me?” Maura asked, confusion lacing hazel eyes.
“By not doing something stupid.”
“What did you want to do?”
Jane’s face tightened.
Maura waited. She had learned that silence could exert its own pressure during an interview. Jane had taught her that, though Jane appeared to resent having the technique employed against her.
“You know what,” Jane muttered at last.
“No. I don’t Jane.”
“You’re the genius. Figure it out.”
“I’ve reached a conclusion, but I’m concerned it may have been influenced by my own preferences.”
Jane went still.
The city continued around them. Traffic moved along the next block, tyres whispering over damp pavement. Somewhere behind the dojo, glass bottles struck one another as a restaurant employee emptied a bin. The ordinary noises made the silence between them feel more private.
“Your preferences,” Jane repeated.
“Yes.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Maura drew a slow breath. It occurred to her that Jane was afraid. Not of Maura, but of the answer and the realisation eased something inside her.
“During the exercise, you exhibited an elevated heart rate, shallow respiration, pupil dilation and increased skin temperature,” Maura said. “Each response became more pronounced when physical contact increased.”
Jane stared. “You profiled me while you were sitting on me?”
“I observed you.”
“That’s profiling.” Jane accused, although it lacked conviction.
“I experienced the same responses.”
Jane’s expression emptied.
Maura continued before courage could become another variable she attempted to measure. “I initially believed they were caused by exertion. They weren’t.”
“Maura.”
“I also don’t believe yours were.”
“You can’t just—”
“I don’t think I can keep allowing you to touch me as though it means nothing.”
Jane stopped speaking.
The words sounded different outside Maura’s thoughts. More vulnerable. Less clinical than she had intended. There was no terminology available to conceal what she meant.
Jane’s hand tightened around the car keys. “Do you want me to stop?” she asked.
Maura looked at her.
Jane’s voice had lowered, the defensive edge stripped away. Beneath it was the same fear Maura had seen on the mat, now exposed without movement or humour to disguise it.
“No,” Maura replied honestly.
The word entered the space between them and remained there.
Jane swallowed. “Then what do you want?”
Maura could have answered with precision. She wanted Jane’s hands at her waist without an instructor to justify them. She wanted to wake in Jane’s bed and feel no sudden movement away. She wanted the freedom to touch the scar beneath Jane’s jaw and the mole behind her ear, not because she was examining them but because they belonged to Jane and Jane belonged nowhere except where she chose.
What emerged was simpler. “I want it to mean something.”
Jane looked at her for a long time. “It does,” she finally admitted.
For perhaps the first time in Maura’s life, words failed to produce immediate understanding.
She knew what Jane had said. The sentence was neither syntactically complex nor semantically ambiguous. It referred to the contact between them, to the touches Jane had spent the evening alternately seeking and avoiding. Does affirmed that those touches possessed the significance Maura had feared she alone assigned to them.
Yet the meaning seemed too large for its language.
“How long?” Maura asked, her voice uneven.
Jane released an uneven breath. “I don’t know.”
“That seems unlikely.”
“Can you not interrogate me for one minute?” The brunette pleaded, exasperated.
“I’m not interrogating you.” Her words were defensive, but the way she murmured them belied her insecurity.
“You asked for a timeline.”
“I’m trying to understand.”
The admission softened the defensiveness in Jane’s voice. She looked suddenly tired, though they had left the dojo only minutes earlier. Her hair remained tied back, still damp at the temples, and the cold had begun reddening the exposed skin above her collar. Maura resisted the impulse to reach for her. She had been given an answer, but not yet permission.
Jane looked down at the keys in her hand and turned the ring once around her finger.
“I didn’t wake up one morning and decide to fall for you,” she muttered. “It wasn’t like that.”
Maura’s breath caught at the phrase.
Jane heard it. Her gaze lifted briefly before dropping again.
“It was just… little things,” she continued. “You’d call me because you couldn’t figure out what to eat, even though you know everything about food. Or you’d show up at my place with some bottle of wine that cost more than my first car and act like you weren’t there because you didn’t want to be alone.”
“I don’t pretend otherwise.”
“You pretend plenty.”
Maura frowned. “Such as?”
“Like you need my help opening jars.”
“Occasionally lids become difficult to remove because changes in temperature create a partial vacuum.”
“You’ve got a grip-strength trainer in your home gym.”
“That doesn’t mean—”
“I watched you open a specimen container one-handed last week.”
Maura considered this. “The lid wasn’t as tight.”
Jane smiled, but the expression faded before it fully formed.
“The point is, I noticed,” she said. “I noticed every time you came up with some dumb reason to keep me at your place for another hour. Then I started coming up with my own.”
Maura thought of the beer in her refrigerator, the toothbrush upstairs and the clothing Jane left behind in quantities too small to require retrieval. She thought of dinners extended until midnight by conversations neither of them seemed willing to conclude. All the places Jane had made for herself while Maura quietly ensured each place remained available.
“You said the television reception at your apartment was unreliable,” Maura said.
“It is.”
“You live in the same neighbourhood as Frost.”
Jane gave her a sheepish look. “Yeah.”
“His reception is excellent.”
“I know.”
“You lied.” Maura’s voice was soft.
“Little bit.” Her sheepish expression bled into her tone, her smile guilty.
“You also claimed your shower was being repaired.”
“It was making a noise.”
“For three weeks?” Maura’s brow quirked.
“It’s an old building.”
Maura felt a smile begin despite the pressure behind her ribs. “You could simply have told me you wanted to stay.”
“Yeah, well, that’s easy for you to say now.”
“It would have been easy for you to say then.”
“No, it wouldn’t.” The brunette argued.
“Why?”
Jane looked at her as though the answer should have been obvious. “Because you’re you.”
Maura waited.
Jane shifted her weight. “You’re beautiful and smart, and you know all these things nobody else has even heard of. You wear dresses to crime scenes that cost more than I make in a month, and you date surgeons and professors and guys who know which fork they’re supposed to use.”
“There is no single fork appropriate for every course.”
“Not helping.”
“I rarely date.”
“But when you do, it’s people like you.” Jane insisted.
“I’ve never met anyone like me.” Maura’s confusion was palpable.
“That’s the point.”
“I’m not certain it is.”
Jane turned away, taking two restless steps toward the front of the car before coming back. Movement had always helped her when language didn’t. Even now, with nowhere to go, her body seemed to search for an exit her mind had already rejected.
“And you’re my best friend,” she sighed. “Do you have any idea what happens if I get this wrong?”
“Yes.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I lose you.” Maura stated it so matter-of-factly, but the fear beneath the words was anything but obscured.
Jane stopped.
The possibility settled visibly into her posture. Her shoulders lowered, anger losing its structure until only fear remained.
Maura understood then that they had been frightened of precisely the same thing. Jane had expressed it through avoidance and jokes and a sudden fascination with severed fingers. Maura had intellectualised every feeling until it could be mistaken for curiosity. Neither method had altered the underlying risk.
“You won’t,” Jane assured.
“You can’t guarantee that.”
“Yeah, I can.”
“How?”
“Because even if this is a disaster, you’re still stuck with me.”
“That isn’t logically defensible.” Maura insisted.
“I don’t care.”
“You may.”
“I won’t.”
“You don’t know—”
“Maura.” Jane stepped closer. “I’m not going anywhere.”
There were promises that drew their value from careful consideration, made only after every possible outcome had been examined. Jane’s promises were rarely like that. She made them with her whole body, planting herself between Maura and whatever she feared as though determination could render uncertainty irrelevant.
Maura had once believed this made Jane reckless.
Now she understood it was how Jane loved.
“I selected the class because I wanted to feel safer,” Maura admitted.
Jane’s expression tightened. “I told you, I could teach you—”
“That isn’t what I mean.”
She moved closer, reducing the distance until less than an arm’s length remained between them. Jane watched her approach but didn’t retreat.
“I’ve studied anatomy for most of my life,” Maura continued. “I understand precisely how easily a human body can be injured. I see evidence of it every day. But knowing where the vulnerable structures are doesn’t mean I would be capable of protecting myself if I were frightened.”
“That’s why I offered to help.”
“Yes. But I didn’t want you to teach me.”
Jane’s jaw shifted. “You made that pretty clear.”
“I wanted you beside me.”
The irritation faded.
Maura tightened her fingers around the strap of her bag, grounding herself in the bite of leather against her palm.
“I chose the class because I wanted to feel safer,” she reiterated. “I asked you to come because I already feel safest with you. I hadn’t anticipated that those two facts would become quite so complicated.”
Jane stared at her. The keys in her hand had gone still. “You feel safe with me?”
“Yes.” It was said so instantly, with so much confidence that it hurt.
Jane considered that knowledge for a beat. “I carry a gun.” She agreed, as if that single-handedly explained the fact.
“That contributes.”
“I’m kind of a mess.” She admitted, as if it were some sort of elusive secret.
“That doesn’t make you unsafe.”
“You watched me yell at a vending machine yesterday.”
Maura smiled softly, entirely endeared by the reminder. “It took your money.”
“It was seventy-five cents.”
“The amount is irrelevant to the principle.”
Jane’s laugh escaped in a startled breath. She lowered her head, and the final remnants of tension eased from her shoulders.
Maura watched her. “You’re also loyal and courageous. You recognise when I’m frightened even when I don’t. You allow me to be unusual without requiring me to apologise for it.”
“I like that you’re unusual.”
“You complain about it frequently.”
“Yeah, because you’re really annoying.” Jane pursed her lips to obscure the grin that was threatening the corners of her mouth.
“You bought a second coffee machine because I criticised yours.”
“You need a hobby that isn’t remembering everything I do.”
“I believe that was the purpose of karate.”
Jane looked up.
The quiet between them had changed. It no longer felt like something they might fall through. It gathered instead around the confession they had made, tentative but solid enough to stand upon.
“So what happens now?” Jane asked.
Maura had not planned this far.
She had enrolled them in the class after three evenings of research. She had selected their uniforms, purchased appropriate protective equipment and mapped the most efficient route between the precinct and the dojo. She had considered hydration, muscle recovery and the statistical likelihood that Jane would object to each aspect of the experience.
She had not expected Jane to say it does beneath a streetlight.
“I’m not certain,” she admitted.
Jane’s eyebrows rose. “You don’t know?”
“No.”
“Wow,” Jane released with a puff of breath.
“Why is that surprising?”
“You usually know everything.”
“There’s many things I don’t know.” The shorter woman argued.
“Maura, I’ve seen you correct a neurologist about the brain.”
“He was incorrect.”
“I feel like that’s really supporting my point.”
Maura glanced at Jane’s mouth. “I know what I would like to happen.”
The humour disappeared from Jane’s face. “What?”
Maura looked back into her eyes. “I would prefer not to make another assumption.”
Understanding moved slowly through Jane’s expression. Her grip tightened around the keys and then relaxed.
“You want me to say it?”
“Yes.”
Jane looked over Maura’s shoulder toward the dojo entrance, then along the street, checking instinctively for witnesses or threats or perhaps simply somewhere else to direct the nervous energy moving through her. When she returned her attention to Maura, her gaze was softer.
“I want to kiss you.”
The words produced a rush of warmth that rendered the cold irrelevant.
“Then you should,” Maura breathed.
Jane didn’t move.
Several seconds passed.
“Jane?”
“I’m getting there.” It was quietly defensive, barely loud enough to be caught on the breeze.
“You were more decisive when entering the mounted position.”
“Please don’t call it that right now.” The brunette groaned.
“That is its correct name.”
“I’m aware.”
“I could kiss you instead.” Maura offered softly.
Jane blinked. “You could.”
“Would you like me to?”
“Yes.”
Maura set her bag on the pavement.
She moved slowly enough that Jane could step back if she chose. The detective remained still, though her breathing changed when Maura raised one hand to her face. The skin along her jaw was cool from the night air. Beneath Maura’s fingertips, the muscles tightened and then softened.
Jane turned into the touch.
The movement was slight. An instinctive press of her cheek into Maura’s palm, so unexpectedly trusting that it caused something inside Maura to ache.
She rose onto her toes and kissed her.
For an instant, Jane did nothing.
Maura felt only the warmth of her mouth, the stillness of her body and her own heart beating with sufficient force to make every point of contact pulse. Fear entered before she could prevent it. Perhaps she had interpreted the evidence incorrectly after all. Perhaps wanting the kiss had not prepared Jane for its reality.
Then Jane exhaled against her lips.
One hand closed around Maura’s waist, drawing her closer with a certainty entirely absent from the cautious touches inside the dojo. The other rose to the back of her neck, fingers sliding beneath the loose fall of her hair.
Jane kissed her back.
There was nothing hesitant in it then. Nothing clinical or restrained. Jane’s mouth moved against hers with the same instinctive confidence Maura had watched emerge during training, as if her body had understood the necessary movement long before her mind permitted it. She tasted faintly of mint and the water from the dojo fountain, and when Maura’s fingers shifted from her jaw into her hair, Jane made a quiet sound that Maura felt everywhere they touched.
Maura’s back met the side of the car.
Jane stopped at once.
“Sorry.” She drew away just far enough to inspect Maura’s face. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.”
“Your bag—”
“Jane.” Maura sighed, just clipped enough to get the detective's attention.
“What?”
“You stopped.”
Jane stared at her. “I was checking on you.”
“I appreciate your concern.”
“But?”
Maura tightened the hand at the back of her neck. “I would prefer you continue.”
Jane’s smile unfolded slowly, warmth displacing the apprehension that had lived there all evening.
“That an official medical recommendation?”
Maura drew her closer. “Jane.”
“All right.”
The second kiss was slower.
It lacked the startled urgency of the first, though not its intensity. Jane’s thumb moved beneath Maura’s jaw, finding the point where her pulse raced under the skin. Maura wondered whether Jane understood what she felt there or merely enjoyed the evidence of it. Either possibility produced another wave of warmth.
Jane kissed the corner of her mouth before easing back.
Their foreheads rested together.
For a while, neither spoke.
The city didn’t change around them. Cars passed at the end of the block. Cold air moved beneath Maura’s coat and sent a shiver down her spine. The dojo lights remained visible in the windows above, shadows crossing them as students collected their belongings and departed.
And yet the world felt subtly rearranged. Not transformed into something unfamiliar, but corrected, as though some essential part had been out of alignment for so long that neither woman remembered what it felt like to stand without compensating for it.
Jane’s fingers flexed at Maura’s waist. “You know this is gonna be weird, right?”
“Why?”
“Because it’s us.”
“We’re already us.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know.” Maura let her thumb move once along Jane’s cheek. “I don’t believe change necessarily invalidates what came before it.”
Jane considered this. “You practise that sentence?”
“No.”
“Sounds practised.”
“I’ve been aware of my feelings for approximately forty-seven minutes. I haven’t had time.”
Jane pulled back enough to look at her. “Forty-seven minutes?”
“Yes.”
“You started timing it?”
“I noted the approximate moment of recognition.”
“Which was?”
Maura hesitated, thought of lying beneath Jane, the pressure of her body and the careful strength with which she had held herself suspended. She thought of Jane’s hands at her waist, her legs locked around Maura and that single quiet sound when their hips shifted together.
“It isn’t important.”
Jane smiled. “Oh, it’s important.”
“I disagree.”
“Were you on top of me?”
Maura reached for the passenger door.
Jane caught her around the waist before she could open it, laughing as she drew her back.
“You were.”
“We should leave.”
“Wait. Was it when Nakamura pushed me down?”
Maura felt heat rise into her face.
Jane’s laughter faltered. “Oh,” she mumbled.
Maura lifted her chin. “That reaction is involuntary.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Jane’s smile softened. Her hand remained at Maura’s waist, thumb tracing an absent arc against the fabric of her coat before kissing her again, quick and warm, and then reaching past her to open the passenger door.
Maura retrieved her bag. “You said I was buying dinner.”
“I changed my mind.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to sit in a restaurant pretending I’m not thinking about kissing you.”
“You could kiss me in the restaurant.”
Jane looked scandalised. “In public?”
“You just kissed me in public.”
“What I’m imagining isn’t restaurant appropriate.”
Maura placed her bag in the footwell and slid into the passenger seat, her stomach wild with butterflies. Jane closed the door before walking around the front of the car, one hand passing through her hair as she went.
When she settled behind the wheel, she didn’t start the engine immediately.
Her hands rested on the steering wheel. Maura could see the edges of her smile despite the effort she was making to contain it.
“Your place?” Jane asked.
“Yes.”
“We’re ordering pizza.”
“We had pasta on Tuesday.” Maura disputed, brows pulling together in a disapproving frown.
“And?”
“It would be nutritionally preferable to choose something with a lower proportion of refined carbohydrates.”
Jane turned toward her. “You made me take karate.”
“I didn’t make you.” Her response was indignant.
“I got thrown around for an hour.”
“You threw me with equal frequency.”
“I found out you profiled me while sitting on top of me.”
“I observed you.”
“And then we made out against my car in an alley.”
“This isn’t an alley.”
“Maura.”
She fastened her seat belt. “Pizza is acceptable.”
“Thank you.”
“But not from the place near your apartment. Their dough is under-proofed.”
Jane started the engine. “You’re lucky you’re a good kisser.”
Maura looked at her.
Jane’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Ugh did I just say that out loud?”
“Yes.”
“Forget it.”
“No.”
“Maur.” It came out a long whine.
“You’re also a good kisser, Jane.”
Jane pulled away from the curb too quickly.
Maura smiled and watched the colour return to her cheeks.
~*~
Jane’s toothbrush remained in the upstairs bathroom the following morning.
So did Jane.
Maura discovered her in the kitchen wearing the same faded police academy shirt she had worn to dinner on Tuesday and a pair of sweatpants retrieved from the bottom drawer of Maura’s dresser. She stood barefoot before the expensive coffee machine she had once claimed not to understand, operating it without difficulty.
“You lied about knowing how to use that,” Maura accused from the doorway.
Jane glanced over her shoulder, pushing unruly curls over her shoulder. “Good morning.”
“You told me the controls were unnecessarily complicated.”
“They are.”
“You selected the correct grind setting.” Maura frowned as she came closer.
“Lucky guess.”
“You also adjusted the water temperature.”
Jane handed her a cup. “Drink your coffee.”
Maura accepted it but didn’t move away. Jane’s hair was loose and disordered from sleep, one side flattened where it had rested against the pillow. The sight produced a warmth distinct from desire, though the two were no longer easily separated.
Jane watched her over the rim of her cup. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re staring.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I like seeing you here.” Maura shrugged, smile hidden behind the rim of her mug.
The teasing answer Jane appeared prepared to give didn’t arrive. Her expression softened instead, unguarded in the pale morning light.
“Yeah,” she muttered. “Me too.”
Maura stepped forward, placed her mug on the counter and kissed her.
It was different in the daylight. Gentler, without the uncertainty that had made each touch feel precarious the night before. Jane’s free hand found Maura’s hip as naturally as if it had always belonged there, pulling her closer, and Maura rested her palm against the warm skin at the back of Jane’s neck.
When they separated, Jane remained close.
“So,” she began, “about Tuesday.”
Maura frowned. “What about it?”
“The regular class.”
“You intend to return?” The surprise was evident in Maura’s tone.
“I paid for it.”
“You described the fee as evidence of manipulation.” The blonde argued, although the conviction was empty and undermined entirely by the smile pulling at her bare lips.
“It was.”
“But now you consider it binding?”
Jane took another drink. “I want a rematch.”
“You successfully reversed my position multiple times.”
“Not the point.”
“What is the point?”
“You looked way too smug when I couldn’t get you off me.”
Maura felt her eyebrows rise.
Jane closed her eyes. “That came out wrong.”
“I’m not certain it did.”
Jane rolled her eyes with a snort. “Drink your coffee.”
Maura smiled into the cup.
Tuesday, she thought, would be very good for them.
