Archive of Our Own

"Uryuu!"

Ichigo gasped. Opening his eyes immediately, he was met with the familiar ceiling of the Shoten. He instantly closed them, the light coming in from the window being too bright for him. Placing his hand over his eyes, he gulped down the unease in his mouth.

It was just a bad dream. They were alive, everything was ok now. His palms prickled as he remembered the sight of Uryuu in his sleep. Drenched in blood, stab wounds all over, unconscious on the floor.

He tried to control his breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out. His hands were still a bit trembling. It wasn't that the room wasn't particularly cold, buy it had nothing to do with it. It was all about that nightmare.

The shoji door slid open and he opened his eyes again.

"Kurosaki-san." Urahara, who looked a bit too wary for his aloof tone, walked, or rather limped inside. He took a better look at him, and saw his left leg bandaged. "I thought I heard a noise."

"Sorry, were you asleep? Did I wake you up?" Ichigo sat up and looked at his own bandaged body. The white cloth was wrapped around his torso and his right hand. It was clean, hinting someone had just reapplied bandage. There was a stabbing pain in his collarbone but he paid it no heed.

"No, I was awake actually. Tessai-san made me some herbal tea to relieve the pain." The shopkeeper finally sat down against the wall, facing Ichigo. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been through worse." He sighed.

"Glad to hear this is not the worst, then." Although Ichigo doubted if that was true. Urahara hardly ever participated in battles and even when he did, he mostly acted as the strategist, not as a fighter. This may have not been the worst he had gone through, but it was definitely the worst Ichigo had seen Urahara go through.

He took a look around and finally saw the spare futon in the room, a few feet away from him. "Where's everyone?" He had a feeling about who the futon belonged to, but he bit his tongue, not daring say his name.

"The Shinigami are in the Soul Society. They are still dealing with the aftermath of the war. Rukia-san has recovered, and the last I heard, Abarai-kun is also doing well enough, to move around at least." Urahara explained, not as aloof as before. "Sado-kun and Inoue-san are fine, too. There were no life-threatening injuries and I'm pretty sure they are able to attend school now."

Ichigo let out his breath. So everyone was doing well, there was nothing to worry about. Except-

"But if you mean to ask about Ishida-kun," the former captain threw his hands up and sighed, "I have no idea."

Ichigo's eyes widened. "What?"

"He was brought here with you. His injuries were not that deep, but it took a long time for his soul to heal."

"H…his soul?" Ichigo gulped down. What was the problem here? Was Ishida alright?

"There were traces of Yhwach's blood in his body. After the Quincy King's demise, Ishida-kun's body went into a comatose state. Captain Isane tried her best, but she didn't have the means necessary to heal the Quincy."

"What happened then?" Ichigo asked, voice rising even when he tried his best not to show any worry. "Is he alright now?"

"Relax, Kurosaki-kun." The shopkeeper smiled. "I cleaned his reishi system with the help of Ishida-kun's father. He finally woke up this morning and left as soon as I checked his vitals."

Ichigo glanced at the empty futon. So Uryuu was really here. They were brought here together.

Together.

It almost sounded poetic. The two of them, after being on opposing sides, ended up lying under the same roof again. It was a happy ending, that Uryuu was up and about, but it didn't stifle the blossoming worry in his chest. He could fantasize about lying next to the Quincy if the said Quincy hadn't gone somewhere beyond his reach.

"Where is he now?" He suddenly looked up at Urahara, waiting for answers.

"Like I said, I have no idea." The shopkeeper sighed. "I doubt he went back to school, or to the Ishida mansion. He still lives alone, right? So he might've gone back to his place, don't you think?"

Ichigo gulped down and averted his gaze. This was a trap for him to reveal that Uryuu actually was not living on his own anymore. There was no way Urahara didn't know that already, given he was great at sensing spiritual pressure, but he still played innocently by getting Ichigo to say it aloud. He was confirming it though, by not disagreeing with him. It wasn't very important, but Ichigo didn't want to share someone else's business, specially that of Uryuu's.

Uryuu started living with his father again after Aizen's defeat. This was not something he was proud of, but he probably assumed living alone after such a traumatic experience was far worse than living with Ishida Ryuuken. And this was not common knowledge. It was a slip-of-tongue moment for him, one he probably even wasn't aware of at the time. Uryuu never actively shared personal information with him, no matter how much closer they have gotten.

Or, no matter how much closer he thought they have gotten.

"It is too soon for him to forget about everything that happened." Urahara explained, rubbing at his injured leg. "I have no idea what went on in his head, but he looked pretty somber after waking up."

"Well, that's Ishida for you."

"You think so?"

Ichigo looked at him again. "What do you mean?"

"You think Ishida-kun is just going through his teenage phase, right? Being rebellious and petty and all that."

"That's not-" Ichigo felt angry at the assumption Urahara had of him. "Ishida is not acting like this because of…teenage stuff. He went through a lot."

"But you just admitted he always looks sad. As if, the war had nothing to do with it."

He opened his mouth to say he didn't mean that, but he closed it again. Even if he didn't want to, he had said that Ishida was always depressed. But, was he? Or was Ichigo just ignoring his friend's pain at the expanse of his own? Because, there were rare instances of him smiling, even though they were rarely meant for him to see. Maybe they never grew closer as he had imagined. Maybe it was just…him projecting his feelings and expectations on Uryuu.

He wondered if it was because of his own feelings for him that he felt they were getting closer. Ichigo clutched every single thread Uryuu left as he ran after him in the maze. The threads were thin and in-between, but Ichigo still cherished them enough to follow him wherever he went, like a moth to a flame.

Now though, there were no more clues left for him. He was standing in the middle of the labyrinth, with a mess of knotted threads in his hands, looking for something, anything to hold onto.

Was all of this just in his head? Did Uryuu dislike him to the point of just…vanishing? Was he supposed to let him go? What of his own heart, then?

Before he could break the silence, the echoing footsteps drew closer and the sliding door burst open.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime stopped at the door. Her usual smile faded as she glanced over Uryuu's empty futon. "Where is Ishi-"

"He wasn't at school?" Ichigo interrupted her.

Orihime's eyes widened. "No, I thought he was still here."

"Can't you sense his reiatsu?"

She closed her eyes to focus. Ichigo held his breath and waited for her to finally find something. Orihime shook her head, looking down. He cast his eyes down on the futon as well.

"I'm sorry, Kurosaki-kun, I'm not good at this…"

Ichigo wanted to say something, but he couldn't. Anything he said now would amount to him burdening his friend, even if he tried to console her. It wasn't as if he was great at it either. Uryuu had been right; he had no talent when it came to sensing spirits. All he had was brute force, and it wasn't nearly enough to catch up to Uryuu.

"Well," Urahara straightened his voice, "It's not like you could sense him right now, anyway. I can't sense him too, and it's because he is pretty low on reishi right now."

"But I thought you cleaned his reishi system." Orihime entered the room and sat beside Ichigo.

"Apparently, for Quincies, it takes longer to rebuild reishi. They are different from both humans and soul reapers, and without Ishida-san's help, I'd probably be lost." The former captain exhaled slowly. "I just wish he wouldn't do anything foolish to worsen his condition."

Ichigo bit his tongue before saying 'That's Ishida for you' a second time. As stubborn as he was, Urahara was right. Uryuu was much more irrational during the war and he too, was worried about his mental state.

"So, you both woke up today? That's amazing!" Orihime sighted out of relief. "We've been worried about you two."

"Yeah, I just woke up. How are you and Chad? Where is he, by the way?"

"He is fine. He didn't have any serious injuries and was healed pretty quickly." She explained, smiling again. "He said he will pay a visit after his part time job."

He is well enough to work, Ichigo was glad that at least his other friends were fine.

"Oh, by the way!" Orihime quickly shuffled around and searched her bag. Then, she pulled out a familiar-looking tin box.

"Is that-"

"Yes, Yuzu-chan gave it to me!" She opened the lid and the smell of butter and vanilla wafted through the air. "She baked these for you, but since she couldn't visit, I was asked to bring them to you. Try one!"

The cookies, shaped into different cat faces, looked very crisp and delicious. Yuzu started making sweets for him during the time he had lost his powers as a way to cheer him up. It worked just as much, but he always appreciated the effort she put into it.

At the smell, his stomach let out an embarrassingly loud growl. His face heated up, but it wasn't his fault; he hadn't eaten anything for probably several days.

"I'll ask Tessai-san to warm some rice porridge for you." Urahara got up, with the help of his cane. "I suggest you start by eating something that's…easier on the stomach."

Orihime closed the tin, still beaming. "Yes, I think it's better that way. We can save it for when Sado-kun arrives and then eat it together."

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at a school that's…I don't know, suited for geniuses?"

It was a warm, late spring day. He found Uryuu sitting on the roof, reading a book he never asked the name of. It was rare to have an opportunity to be alone with Uryuu these days, but today, he had the chance. Everyone else had complained about it being too hot outside right now, and so the two of them were alone.

The question came out without a second thought. If being alone with Uryuu was rare, it was even rarer for them to just talk normally.

"Public schools are fine for me." Uryuu shrugged without looking up from the book. "Besides, it's not like I want to be a doctor."

"You don't?" He was taken aback by the sudden confession. "I always assumed you'd become a doctor, just like your father."

Uryuu stayed silent, eyes glued to the book. He hadn't turned the page ever since Ichigo started this half-hearted conversation, so he was probably just thinking about what to say. Ichigo averted his eyes, feeling embarrassed about his question. Maybe it was too personal for him.

"You're father is a doctor, too, yet you don't want to become one."

Ichigo instantly looked at Uryuu, as soon as he heard the other talk. His voice was soft and low, barely above a whisper, but Ichigo still heard the words. And then, Uryuu looked at him, through his glasses. Sometimes he wished he could just throw the glasses away and stare at his eyes all day.

He shrugged. "He is just a dude with a beard, that's all."

Uryu stared at him in silence, then huffed out, closing his eyes. "I…have no intention of being a doctor anymore."

"What do you mean by anymore? You did before?"

Uryuu cast his eyes down again, but he wasn't focused on the book. It had been laid down beside him, on the warm asphalt, as he talked to him.

"It's cool." Ichigo averted his own gaze as well, not being able to see the pained expression on Uryu's face. "Don't answer that if you don't want to."

Even though he knew he couldn't get him to talk like this, he still wanted to know more about the Quincy. Uryu was a closed book, it was fun turning each page to get familiar with him, unraveling the persona he had built around pushing others away. It also needed…a lot of patience when it came to dealing with him.

"You do look like doctors though." Trying to defuse the tension, Ichigo said what was on his mind, scratching his head.

"What do doctors look like?"

"Wearing glasses and looking all smart." There was no way Ichigo could admit to Uryuu's face that he looked positively attractive without sputtering like the smitten teenager he was, so he actively refused to say it out loud. There was a very handsome quality to how delicate his face was. It always made his hands itch, wanting to touch the skin.

Uryuu's eyes widened a little bit, and then, picked up his book as a distraction. Ichigo still saw his face turning red at that. It was ok, as long as they could spend some time together.

He could always come clean to him about his feelings. For now, he was fine with being just a friend.

For now.

"Welcome back, Ichigo!" As soon as he walked inside the classroom, Keigo jumped on him, holding him so tight he was afraid a few ribs would crack.

"Welcome back, dumbass." Tatsuki hit him on his back. Mizuiro silently nodded towards him with a faint smile.

Orihime and Chad were also present, but their reactions were not that extreme. They had constantly visited him, so Ichigo didn't mind that. There was one person, however, that he desperately wanted to see.

"Where's Ishida?"

Keigo finally let go and stepped back, standing next to Mizuiro. Orihime and Chad exchanged a look but cast their heads down immediately. It had been three days since Ichigo, and Ishida by proxy, had woken up and since he felt much better now, there was no reason to not attend school.

It looked like Uryuu didn't think the same way.

"He hasn't come to school." Orihime finally told him over lunch, trying to keep her voice as low as possible so only he could hear her. "I can sense him now. He is home, so I know he isn't in any danger."

Home is probably the worst place for him right now, considering Ryuuken also lives there, Ichigo thought to himself.

"I tried to call him last night but he didn't answer." She mumbled. "He sent me a text that he'd call me later."

The fried chicken in his mouth suddenly tasted like sandpaper. By how depressed Orihime sounded, Ichigo gathered Ishida hadn't called back. He didn't say anything. He doubted it'd be fruitful if he tried to reach the Quincy instead of her.

There were a lot of things between them, said and unsaid. Uryuu grounded him when he needed it the most and left him wanting more. Only when the Quincy wasn't around had he realized how important he was to him. Not that he wasn't sure of his place in his heart before, but not seeing him was doing damage beyond repair. He stared very hard at the empty desk that always held Ishida's frame in front of him, as if trying to interrogate it as to where the Quincy was.

It was fine if Ishida didn't want to talk to him, or even look at him. But Ichigo needed to see him, to have him beside him and not let go. There was no way he would ever let him out of his sight again. Or rather, he physically couldn't let him run away anymore. He balled his hand, nails digging into his palm. Why was he being so difficult? If only he could just reach out to him…

The afternoon classes were boring. He was supposed to stay for a study session with his friends, but had no motivation. Fridays were an extra study hour because Ishida accepted to help them with school. The study sessions were actually really helpful. Uryuu was a natural when it came to studying, but apparently he was also good at teaching. Ichigo remembered those times when the archer used to lean down on his desk and tap on the questions he got wrong. He knew Uryuu couldn't afford expensive perfumes, but he always smelled nice; flowery with a hint of citrus. Maybe it was orange blossoms, he wasn't sure, but the smell was carved in his memory.

They used to buy him dinner as to make up for the time he spent at school with them. It was a lot of fun eating dinner at the nearby diner, even though the food was cheap and not very well-prepared, there were plenty of options to choose from; ramen, dumplings, savory pancakes and cheap donburi dishes. Ichigo looked forward to Friday nights wholeheartedly, because he got to spend more time with Uryuu. There were times when it was only the two of them without their friends, and it was those moments that truly made Ichigo happy. As if we were on dates, he thought to himself.

But now, there was no point in doing it if Uryuu wasn't there to help him. Or to have dinner with him afterwards. So when Orihime brought up she had to go the bakery for her shift, he offered to walk her to work, just to get out of school as soon as possible.

Tatsuki narrowed her eyes at him and he swore he saw Keigo snicker under his breath. He shrugged and followed her out anyway. Anything was better than sitting there and stewing in depression.

"You didn't have to do this, really." Orihime stammered, cheeks heating up. Maybe it was from the heat. The days were getting longer and warmer. He had to start wearing his summer suit soon.

"Don't worry about it. It's nothing."

"Oh but you could've used the extra study, right?" She hummed to herself, thinking. "You ranked 27th this month."

"I was at war!" Ichigo scratched his hair, scowling, trying to find a good reason why his ranking had plummeted so badly. It was not an excuse, since Uryuu still managed to stay on top, despite everything. The thought of the Quincy softened his heart again. "Anyway, it wasn't going to be useful. Ishida used to tutor us, and without him, we can't do anything much."

"Right."

The two of them stayed silent for a long while. The bakery wasn't far away from where she lived, but the over-stretched silence was becoming bothersome.

"Do you think Ishida-kun hates us?"

The question was so sudden that Ichigo nearly tripped over. He stopped in his tracks and stared at her.

"Why would he hate you and Chad? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I don't know, it's just…after all this time he still doesn't seem to trust us." She shrugged, trying to control the tremor in her voice. "He is kind and caring, but he hates it when someone points it out. He is so selfless that I worry about him more often than any other person. Even you seem to be more careful than him at times. He is respectful and minds his own business. But with everything I know from him, it still seems like I've just seen a fraction of his personality."

Standing there, hearing her say all of this about Ishida, made him wonder if he ever truly knew him or not. Orihime was right. They had fought too many battles, experienced death and came back together, but Uryuu was still a closed book.

"You're right, we don't really know him. But I don't think him not talking about himself means he hates us." He spoke frankly, because no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find a grain of hatred in Ishida's heart. Or at least the parts of it he had shown to them. There was no way Ishida could fake a smile that easily.

"I hope so."

Ichigo tried his best to smile and ease her mind, but he couldn't. There was no hatred in his heart, and for that, Uryuu wanted to shoulder everything on his own, but it was not working. He knew the Quincy was stronger than this, but he needed to make sure he was fine.

"I wished he would talk to you, Kurosaki-kun. I know you're hurting more than us." She offered another smile, but Ichigo could see how much sadness she was hiding behind that. He, in turn, was stunned beyond speaking.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's obvious you miss him. You always look at his empty desk, or ask if anyone had seen him. Your spiritual pressure is off whenever you talk about him, as if it pains you physically."

If what she said was true, then everyone would've already guessed about his feelings for Ishida. His blushing cheeks did not help the case either.

"Come on, let's go. Or you will be late for work." He started walking ahead, hiding his red face. Orihime walked up beside him, the sparkle in her eyes coming back as she deciphered what was going on in his head.

"Just so you know, I don't think he hates you, either. I mean, I can even say he is quite fond of you as well." She began giggling, quite unlike her sad expression from earlier.

"Stop saying that!" It was becoming harder and harder for him to keep up appearance. When did Orihime learned to tease people, anyway? Tatsuki was really a bad influence on her.

She just giggled more and walked, without saying anything else. Before they could reach the bakery, a thundercloud struck and Ichigo cursed his luck. None of them had brought an umbrella.

Ginjo was gone. Tsukishima was gone. There was no threat. Everyone seemed to remember the true turn of events. His friends were happy to see him in his black shihakusho. The soul reapers were lined up, bearing a proud smile as he regained what was his. Rukia stood closest to him, so close that he could feel the warmth off her.

His father and Urahara stood farther away, giving him time to process everything. He was grateful for that, otherwise he could've said something very ugly.

Rukia looked at him, really looked into his eyes. "You seem happy."

"You bet I am."

"I thought you just protected the town because I made you do it." She smirked. Even with her small stature, she stood proud and strong. "I didn't know you actually wanted to."

I didn't either, not until I lost everything, he never said it aloud. He hadn't seen Rukia for seventeen months, there was a lot to catch on. Bitter memories could've waited. Now, all he wanted was to gather his friends and celebrate.

Looking around, he saw the familiar faces of Orihime and Chad. Both of them had apparently come to their senses. Right behind Rukia, stood Renji and Hitsugaya. Byakuya looked at him from a few feet away, but there was a very calm atmosphere about him. Like an older brother who was filled with pride.

Where was Ishida?

Before anyone came up with the brilliant idea of a group hug to strangle him to death, he told Rukia to stall them a bit, since he wanted to find Ishida. She smiled again, from ear-to-ear, asking him to 'drag Four-Eye to the party, even by force.' Ichigo laughed as loud as he could, for the first time in what seemed like a very long time.

Running as fast as possible, he inhaled the smell of soil after the rain and felt happy. It meant the rain was over. Rukia finally came back and now all he wanted was for Ishida to be there with him, to watch what would come after the rain.

He couldn't sense Ishida's spiritual pressure even now, so he just started running around in all the places Uryuu might've gone. He doubted Uryuu had the stamina to go back home after the battle, he was still pretty much beaten up. After a not very long run, Ichigo finally found the Quincy, sitting by the river banks. His white shirt was torn and bloodied, but he didn't seem to be in pain. Someone had probably healed him already. He wondered briefly wether it was Orihime or someone else from the 4th squad.

"Hey." Ichigo sat down next to him.

"Hey."

The two of them sat there for a minute or two. Or maybe an eternity had passed before Uryuu let out a sigh and finally said something.

"Aren't you happy you have your powers back?"

"Huh?"

Uryuu finally turned to him. "You should be with your friends now, celebrating."

"I am with my friend." He tapped Uryuu's shoulder lightly. It was strange how easily he could smile now, it felt natural to be happy. And it also felt strangely satisfying to see Uryuu's eyes widen.

"I told you I'm not-"

"Quit it, Ishida." There was no bite to it, but he outright interrupted him. "How can you not be my friend after what we just went through? After I saw the amount of trust you had in me?"

He didn't say anything, instead, turned back and lifted his glasses up. Ichigo knew him well enough to see through the act. Uryuu always hid beneath his glasses when he felt awkward.

So, he took his chance to make him even more embarrassed.

"Thanks, Ishida."

"Eh?" Uryuu's face started heating up, turning a few shades red. The sight was truly adorable. The idea that Ishida Uryuu, the genius archer who had crawled out of depths of hell, could be undone with just a small act of gratitude, made him laugh out loud like a child.

"It was nothing." He whispered under his breath. His voice was so small he couldn't believe his ears.

"Ishida, you-"

"Forget what I just said!" He completely turned his head and Ichigo was faced with his nape. Without a single thought, he raised his hand to brush against the back of his head. He wanted to feel how smooth the hair was, how warm the skin felt.

Suddenly, realizing what he was about to do, he stopped dead in his tracks, his hand ghosting over the black hair. He was glad the Quincy was busy fidgeting by himself, not noticing what Ichigo was about to do.

Curling his fist and forcing it back down, he finally stood up. "Let's go then."

"Go where?"

"Back to others." Ichigo nudged his side with his sandal. "Together."

The last part was whispered, loud enough only for Uryuu to hear. It worked, because Ishida only gave him a side-glance from where he was seated, his ears bright red. He finally stood up, next to him, like how had done all this time.

"I should probably change my clothes. You should go on ahead, Kurosaki."

"No way. I'm coming with you."

"I can find you wherever you go." Uryuu turned his back to him to move away. "Have you forgotten I'm the best at sensing spiritual pressure?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and ran next to him, hitting him lightly on his back. "It doesn't matter because I won't listen to you. There's no way I'm letting you go. What if you don't show up?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"That was your plan? Wasn't it?"

Uryuu sighed and stopped the conversation. Ichigo saw a slight arch on the other's lips, which barely registered as a smile. That was enough for his racing heart.

"Has anyone tried talking to Ishida?"

It had been a week. Ichigo was frustrated at the lack of contact. The only thing that drove him to beat Yhwacha was the knowledge that he would eventually stand right next to the Quincy. He soon realized it was a mad man's dream.

"He doesn't even attend school anymore." Keigo slurred. The summer heat was starting to catch onto them as June was drawing nearer. "How is he still allowed to attend the exams?"

"Because he is Ishida." Mizuiro answered, without even looking up from his phone. "Without even attending, he'll still probably be at the top."

Ichigo scowled and placed his head on the desk. It was true, Uryuu didn't need to be present in the class so that he'd pass the exams. It made him feel worse that there was really no reason for him to even come visit his friends.

Wait.

"What if he's injured?" He suddenly looked up, wide-eyed. "What if there's something wrong with him?"

Keigo and Mizuiro turned to each other for a second and then, looked back to Ichigo.

"Why would he be injured?" Mizuiro asked.

Ichigo hesitated to answer. They knew about their otherworldly part-time job to an extent, but no one really filled them in on the recent war. Ichigo just told them there was a battle and that was it. Besides, he wasn't sure if he had Uryuu's consent on this. It was his battle, as much as it was Ichigo's.

"No reason, I just…I don't know why I said that." He placed his head down again and didn't say anything more. The other two had also stopped talking and Ichigo was sure they were staring at him.

"Why don't you talk to Ishida yourself?" Hours after school had ended, Chad finally asked him the question he was most afraid of.

The two of them were at a music store where Ichigo was searching the shelves to find something more amusing than thinking about Uryuu. It proved to be very hard, since the shelves were filled with Radiohead's new album. He wondered wether Uryuu had the chance to listen to it or not, since he liked their music.

When Chad finally asked him that, he nearly dropped the tape he was holding.

"What?"

"I said, why don't you talk to him yourself?"

To be honest, he just didn't want to consider that option, because he was scared of Uryuu's reaction. Also, he was not the best at initiating conversations with others. Chad should've known this from first-hand experience.

"He is the one who cut me off." He shrugged and focused on the tapes in front of him, knowing the excuse wouldn't hold any real weight.

"But you're the one who's hurting."

"Who said I'm hurting?" Ichigo shouted, whipped around and was pretty sure his face was burning red. He must've seemed very funny. A few heads turned towards them at his exclaim.

Chad came to stand next to him, humming. "Keigo said you were really worried today. And it's nothing new, really, we've all seen how you've been moping around. It seems like he is all you can think of these days."

The silence stretched until it became hard for him to not answer. "I'm just worried about a friend."

"We all are." He picked up one of the tapes and read the back of it. "Inoue tried to talk to him a few times, but he doesn't say anything."

Ichigo frowned. "If even Inoue couldn't talk to him, how the hell am I supposed to do so?"

Chad stared at him through his curled bangs and for once, Ichigo felt like an idiot. He couldn't get what that look actually meant and was starting to feel a bit embarrassed at the weight of it. He left the rock music section and walked away from his friend. Sometimes, Chad became scary even to him.

He could see why Ishida wouldn't talk to him, even thought he very much hated the idea of it. But, why was he snubbing Orihime? They were pretty close before the war. Even when Uryuu had lost his powers, Orihime was there for him. Now though, Uryuu was pushing everyone away. With a scowl, he made his way toward a different direction, his mind going in a spiral.

"What are you doing?"

"Whoa!" With a gasp, Ichigo turned around and saw Chad behind him. "What is it?"

"Did I scare you?"

"No…it's fine." He was scared, but there was no way he could tell Chad that, without receiving another weird look. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he left the shop without buying anything.

"So? Will you talk to him?"

For a while, he just walked around, trying to dodge the question, but Chad wouldn't budge. "He doesn't want to talk to me"

"How do you know that?"

Ichigo came to a halt and stared at his friend. Chad also stood beside him, but it was really hard trying to decipher what he meant. His expression was unreadable as always, as he unraveled Ichigo's world with that question.

How do you know that?

It reminded him of the time he talked to Urahara at the shoten. He might've never known Ishida if Chad was right.

"All I say is," Chad continued walking ahead, "don't do something you might regret later."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Ichigo hesitated to nod, a bit afraid of what his friend would ask him.

"What is Ishida to you?"

Well, that was exactly the reason he was hesitant. He knew his feelings were not all that friendly for the Quincy, he knew it long before the war. But confirming them out loud, wouldn't help him with the case. It would only trouble him more. And honestly, answering Chad was too embarrassing for him. He had apparently caught on to something. Was he too obvious in his pursuit?

"When you can't answer that, it means you aren't really thinking of him as a friend, right?" Chad said. Ichigo had really no idea how to reply to this, either. He was cornered by the questions, which his silence could be amounted to positive answers.

"Think about it. If you don't want him to slip away further from you, you should do something. Otherwise, you'll just regret it later." Ichigo watched him go as he stood where they had stopped. His feet were rooted to the ground, not letting him walk away from what he was told.

Hueco Mundo was not what he had imagined.

Granted, it was the land of the hollow, but still, he had thought maybe it would look like a more haunted version of Soul Society. There'd be buildings and roads, even if dilapidated, or people doing errands, children playing, and normal stuff like that.

But it was totally different.

Everything was covered in sand, which rather felt like ashes. It wasn't very surprising since they were trapped in an endless desert, but the idea that these ashes could belong to dead body parts, made him sick. The fine particles were drifting in the air and got stuck in their hair and clothes. There was a rotting smell in the air, not so pungent, but still apparent enough to remind he of where he was, as he breathed in. No one was in sight, except for Nel and the other two Arrancars, and they didn't look like they belonged to a society. Uryuu told him they could've been nomadic people who didn't live in one place, confirming that he also had his own suspicions about this new realm they just walked in.

He turned his attention back to the crackling fire, the one Uryuu had made before his night shift. He was looking at the yellow flames dancing around in the cold night, inspecting it, which somehow looked paler in the gray desert. Everything looked paler though, even Ishida who was directly sitting in front of the fire, which had cast a ghost-like shadow around. Perhaps it was due to his white Quincy clothes, but he stood out the most among his friends in the eternal night which was Hueco Mundo.

His body trembled as he looked one more time at the sleeping Arrancars, lying down next to where Rukia and Renji were quietly talking. Chad was sitting next to Renji, probably listening, but it was hard to tell what he was thinking at times. He wanted to believe the tremor was due to the biting cold, and not because of the uncertainty they had stepped into.

"They should be asleep now," Ichigo grumbled, "Renji has the next shift. He shouldn't be slacking."

"You should sleep too." Uryuu, who had heard him in the silent night, said without looking up.

"I can't."

"Are you worried about Inoue-san?"

Ichigo frowned slightly. He didn't know how to feel about any of this, to be honest. They were certainly disobeying clear orders by coming here to help her, and while he would definitely help a friend in need, he couldn't stifle a nagging sensation in his mind that maybe, she had left on her own accord. At the thought of that, his frown deepened.

Ishida looked up at him at the lack of response. The swaying flames were reflected on his glasses, obscuring what lay behind them. He missed looking at him straight in the eye and actually see through the lenses. He thought he heard a cackle of laughter, but no one close to him was laughing. Judging from Ishida's lack of response, it was probably his Hollow having fun at the expanse of his misery. Feeling the heat of shame in his cheeks, he smacked himself inwardly, trying to get back to what actually mattered here.

"I…I don't know." He averted his gaze, admitting defeat.

"You think she has left on her own."

It wasn't a question for him to answer, nor was it an accusation. Now that Uryuu was loudly saying it, he thought it absurd. There was no way she would betray them like this, and she didn't have anything to gain from the Arrancar, either. None of this made any sense to him. Last time he saw Orihime, she seemed fine. even eager to help them defeat Aizen, so what she was doing here, he didn't know.

"I want to believe she hasn't." Ichigo said in a low tone, loud enough for Ishida to hear.

"Why do you think she might've done this on her own?" Uryuu sounded way too calm for someone whose friend was just accused of treason.

"I don't know, it's just a feeling." Ichigo answered honestly. He gathered Uryuu wouldn't shoot him to the dead tree trunk behind him if he said the truth.

"But you must have this feeling for a reason." He lifted his glasses on his nose. Ichigo would never say it out loud, but he found this very cute.

"What do you mean?"

Ishida's face was up but he couldn't really see his eyes, so it was difficult to get the meaning behind his words.

"Would you have said the same thing if anyone else was in her place?"

"Eh?" He blurted out without any thought.

Much to his frustration, Ishida didn't say anything back, instead, turned his gaze down on the pale fire. Ichigo hated how he couldn't see his blue eyes and long eyelashes even after all this time.

And then, he heard something that rattled his brain.

"Would you have felt the same if it were…me?" Uryuu's voice was weak and fragile, just like the tiny flare of hope he had in his heart. But Ichigo had heard him. There were no words uttered by Ishida that he couldn't hear.

For a moment, he heard his heartbeat in his ears, pounding erratically. Uryuu, who claimed to be filled with hatred for the Shinigami, was now baring himself to the bones, asking if the said Shinigami would feel any grief if it were him to be taken by the enemy. His eyes widened as a reflex, heart beating even faster, as if possible. Uryuu, strong and elegant as he pulled his bow straight, ready to shoot, was asking him if he'd think of him as a traitor. He was the only ally Ichigo had when he searched through the realm of the souls for Rukia. He was the first one to jump into the den of Hollows if it meant his sacrifice would keep everyone safe. There was no reason to doubt him.

No, Uryuu belonged to him, and him alone. No one could take him away.

Yet, saying these words were hard for him for some reason. Perhaps it was because Ishida himself was hesitant to ask, or maybe Ichigo wasn't sure about his blossoming feelings, or maybe he thought the answer was obvious. His Hollow would probably smack him on the head if he saw how pathetic he was now.

"Go get some sleep. Your head will be much clearer after that." Ishida pushed his glasses up again, trying to defuse the mood. Ichigo should've argued then and there that his head was clear enough and that he had an answer, which was no. He wouldn't feel the same if it was Uryuu. Deep down, he trusted the man so much that he knew he could never stand against him. The sight of his bandaged arms after Ishida tried to stabilize his spiritual pressure flashed across his mind, reminding him of how far the Quincy would go for him. There was no way in hell Uryuu would stand against him.

But alas, his tongue couldn't move. Those words were left unsaid, kept somewhere safe in his heart until the day he had the courage to say it.

"Yeah, I think I should." He gulped down the lump in his throat and got up, but not heading towards where everyone else was. Instead, he balled up the piece of cloth Rukia gave him earlier as a pillow and lay down next to the campfire. Ishida's brows knit together.

"What are you doing?"

"Sleeping."

"Why are you sleeping here?"

"I can sleep wherever I want." He shrugged, not meeting Uryuu's eyes, which looked like they demanded the truth from him. A hot feeling of shame crept on his cheeks.

But Uryuu just scoffed.

"Suit yourself."

Ichigo knew this was an act to cover up his own blushing face, but didn't say anything more. He just turned on his back and gazed at the stars as he recalled his Hollow cackling at them.

He truly was miserable when it came to facing his feelings.

"I need to say something about our fight in Hueco Mundo." Ichigo let out his thought as the boring TV show went on and on. It was supposed to be a comedy of some sort, but he failed to get the fun. The duo were talking about their workplace and how their boss abusing them, somehow that was funny for Rukia, who was barely containing her laughter.

Three weeks. He had had enough.

"What is it?" She didn't sound very invested in what he was about to say.

Ichigo steeled himself to talk about that night, when Ishida asked him a question that resonated with him throughout his endeavors with Yhwach.

"Would you have felt the same if it were…me?"

Ichigo shook his head, as if trying to dust his brain. Rukia looked at him with her brows knitted.

"When we went to rescue Inoue, the first night we met you and the others, you and Renji were talking about something and Chad was with you as well, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, you and Ishida were also talking too."

Ichigo gulped down his fear, but instead, he felt his courage slip back into his stomach. "Yeah, that's what's bothering me."

"What?"

"I never told you this, but I…had some doubts wether or not Inoue had gone to Aizen willingly. Don't give me that look." He cut his story off as Rukia side-eyed him. "I didn't know, ok? It was just an impulsive thought."

She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Alright, go on. What happened?"

"I told Ishida about my…impulsive thought." He didn't miss the glance Rukia gave him at the mention of it. "And he never judged me or anything. I mean, I expected him to, but he didn't."

"So?"

"He asked me a question."

"Do I have to open your mouth myself so you can say the whole thing?" Rukia huffed, getting restless at how much Ichigo paused while telling the story.

"He asked me if I would've felt the same way if it were him to be at Aizen's side."

Rukia, whose mouth was open to strike him if he stopped talking again, closed her mouth and stared at him wide-eyed.

"What did he mean by that?" She croaked, after thinking to herself for a minute.

Ichigo stayed silent. She in turn didn't say anything, either, this time casting her eyes downward, not caring about the TV. "How did you answer that?"

"I didn't, and I think that is the problem." Ichigo whispered the last part, but he was sure Rukia had heard him. Her eyes were now a bit softer, maybe because of how defeated he had sounded.

"It's not like i didn't know the answer." Ichigo continued. "I knew if it were Ishida back then, I would've torn the sky down to have him back. He is important to me , you know that yourself. There is no way I can live without having him around."

She smiled a bit, trying to soothe his pain. "I know."

"I just…I was a coward for not telling him. I think he wanted to know if I cared about him that way you know…as something more…why else would he have asked something like that? But I failed him then. Maybe things would've turned out different if I had said something. Anything would've been fine. He wanted me to say that I wouldn't have hesitated. and I, being the stupid coward I am, didn't-"

"Ichigo." Rukia held his shoulders and gave him a gentle shake. "Take a deep breath, your breathing is uneven."

It was only then that he realized his lungs were burning under the weight of the guilt. These past few days were awful. The empty desk at school, the vacant seat during lunch, the absent voice in which he usually bickered with him. It kept him awake at nights, thinking of how Ishida sounded so small, as if asking for crumbs of devotion. Thinking how he could've avoided all of this if he had just said what was on his mind. Uryuu deserved someone better, someone who wouldn't flip out when it came to feelings and confession. Someone who cherished him without any fear. Yet again, the thought of him sleeping and waking up next to anyone but him, made his skin itch with irritation. Uryuu should smile at him, not anyone else. He should be the one who lent his shoulder for him to cry on.

"Ichigo, look at me." Rukia held his face firmly. "Breathe in, hold it, now breathe out."

He repeated the process, inhaling and exhaling as she instructed. His lungs felt a bit warmer when the oxygen flew in.

"I should've told him." The weight of what he had said made him horrified, because he always had this nagging sensation that he had made a mistake that night. Only now, with Ishida hiding away from him and others, the feeling became much worse. "I should've told him that night-"

"Listen to me." She was still holding his face with such a force that his cheeks were starting to ache. "It wasn't your fault. The war had nothing to do with your, or Ishida's feelings. It was a conflict between two different races that spiraled out of control and sucked you both in as well. You didn't do anything wrong. Ishida didn't betray you, nor does he hate you. He cares so much about you that he was ready to sacrifice himself to keep you safe. Don't belittle his actions because of what you feel. It was his own decision, and even if you had told him that night, he would've done the same all over again."

His eyes were burning with the tears welling up behind the surface. Rukia's hands were warm, in contrast with how chilled his face was at the moment, but it was a welcome contrast. It made him feel good, like all the time his mother soothed him after anything bad happened.

"Ishida hasn't talked to me ever since we came back. I've been waiting for him to call, or to look my way, even pick a fight with me. Punch me, if he feels like it. Anything, but he just…he just moved on. He forgot about that night, about how he was the only one who stayed by me against Ginjo, about how much I rely on him without any questions. And i don't know what to do, Rukia. What should I do?"

It was probably the worst he had ever looked at her, from how wide her eyes looked now. Even her mouth was hanging open. For a moment, all he could hear was the laughing sound coming from he cursed TV show that wasn't even funny.

"Can I ask you something?"

Ichigo nodded.

"Promise me you're gonna be honest with me."

He nodded again.

"How do you feel about Ishida?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He knew he had to get the heavy feeling off his chest. "I feel lonely when he isn't with me. Not just lonely, but like…everything feels cold, like I'm drowning. I'll gladly take anything he gives me and ask him for more. My heart is empty when he leaves and it's filled with joy when he is back." His tears were now streaming, without resistance. "I love him Rukia. I thought it was just a silly crush, but I can't stay far from him. these past few weeks that he avoided me were harder than fighting Yhwach himself. I love him, and I want to be with him."

Rukia finally beamed, the crease between her brows disappearing. "Then it's settled. I think you should tell him how you feel."

"What? You do?"

"It's not too late now. He needs to have reassurance, Ichigo, so give him that. Tell him how much he means to you." Rukia beamed at him with her soft eyes. "Tell him you love him."

The warm sensation of Rukia's hands on his cheeks became almost too hot, but he didn't shy away. "What if it makes things worse?"

"How much worse can it get? You haven't talked to each other in nearly a month. Even if you were friends before, it's not like you are now."

His heart ached at the 'it's not like you are now', but she still made a point. Nothing could get worse than this. Uryuu was already ignoring him and nothing he said or did could worsen their non-existent friendship at this point.

Ichigo took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts. He was not the type to wear his heart on his sleeve but he knew there were no other options. Ishida was cruel enough to shut him off for this long, not even acknowledging him at school. The only solution right now was to take the first step.

"I have to go. He has to know about me." He whispered, not entirely sure if it would work out, but he still had to give it a try.

"That's the spirit." She laughed at him and took her hands back. Ichigo got up and leapt towards his room. He heard Rukia call after him. "Do you know where he is now?"

"At the Ishida mansion, I think." He shouted as he went upstairs, grabbing his black sweater off his chair. With a glance at the mirror, he roughly ran a hand through his hair to fix it a little.

Hopping down the stairs again, he was greeted with Rukia who was standing next to the entrance. She gave him a thumbs-up and opened the door for him. "if you needed anything just let me know."

'Thanks, I will." He didn't bother sitting down to put on his shoes, which proved to be a bad choice. It was hard to balance his stance while he was shaking with both excitement and fear. Running out of the house, he glanced back at Rukia who was still standing with the door open.

He didn't need to say anything to tell her how grateful he was. She already knew it, the grin on her face being the prove of it.

Ichigo sprinted towards where he knew Uryuu was residing now. The house was on the opposite side of the town, quite far from the Kurosaki Clinic. Perhaps it would've been a better idea to leave his body and find him with his spirit form. He had thought of that, actually. but it was soon discarded. He and Uryuu were more than just a pair of Shinigami and Quincy. They were humans deep in their bones and he wanted to meet him, talk to him, as such. Ichigo wanted to show him there was nothing stopping him, and there shouldn't be anything stopping Uryuu, either.

Passing by a flower shop, he briefly wondered if he should buy some flowers. Uryuu would definitely laugh at him if he saw him standing outside, looking at all kinds of bouquets in different colors. Ichigo would gladly give an arm and a leg if it meant he would get to hear the Quincy's laugh.

He opened the door to the shop and was engulfed by the cool weather. June had just started so it wasn't very hot, but the flowers needed to stay fresh for at least a day.

"Welcome, sir, how can I help you?" The young woman standing behind the counter asked him. It shouldn't have been embarrassing to buy flowers, but his mouth started to dry immediately. Facing Aizen and Yhwach were by far less terrifying than handing a bouquet to Ishida Uryuu.

"I uh…I was looking for some flowers." He wanted to kick himself in the shin at how nervous he sounded. It was a miracle the florist wasn't laughing at him.

"Do you want some help in picking which flowers to buy?"

"Yes, if it is possible."

"I'll be glad to help." She bowed her head, smiling. "What is the occasion you're buying flowers for?"

Asking my best friend who happens to be a Quincy out on a date, he swallowed the sentence down. "I'm buying this for…um…"

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yes." Ichigo wasn't sure if he should've corrected her that Uryuu wasn't a girlfriend, but he decided to talk as little as possible, to not embarrass himself more than he had already done.

"That's amazing! Congratulations!" She exclaimed happily and started moving around the shop, taking some decorative flowers and spray after spray of rose, camellia and red chrysanthemum.

She swiftly displayed everything on the desk and started looking for wrapping papers. Looking at that, Ichigo swallowed loudly, questioning wether it was too romantic. "Isn't it a bit too…"

"Yes?" Said the florist, still beaming.

"Uh, well, I haven't…asked…her out yet." Ichigo still wasn't sure if he had to specify that the person on his mind was a boy. He wondered if knowing this, the florist would make something less bold.

"Oh." There was a beat of silence. "Well, in that case, I think you don't need all of this."

After about ten minutes of contemplating what to buy, Ichigo was standing on the sidewalk, with a single spray of rose, wrapped in a red ribbon. A young girl passing by, gave him a soft smile, which made him question his decision. Uryuu wasn't probably the romantic type, and it was possible he'd just shut the door in his face. He wouldn't back down though. Perhaps, if he was lucky, he could see the Quincy blush at the romantic gesture.

Imagining Uryuu's red face did wonders to his resolve. Without another second to waste, he started walking towards the Ishida residence, which was still pretty far.

Twenty minutes of walking later, he found himself in front of a drive way, which led to the house he was looking for. House would be an understatement, since it looked more like a palace, specially compared to the Kurosaki Clinic. A huge garden was situated beside the building that looked pretty dried up. The trees were leafless and there were patches of what used to be flower beds. The only color in sight was the white from the walls and the khaki soil.

No wonder Uryuu is so depressed, Ichigo thought to himself. Everything looks dead.

Gulping down, he plucked up his courage and walked the stony path in front of him. He knew if he waited any longer, he would run away out of doubt. After moving past the gate, he felt a change in the atmosphere. The air was filled with something heavy; reishi particles. A shiver ran down his spine. He was part Quincy after all, so it wasn't far-fetched that the weather affected him in this sense. His skin prickled, he wondered if it was due to excitement or the accumulated reishi.

Ichigo, after a slow walk, found himself faced with the white double-doors. The doorbell rang but no one answered. Maybe he should've asked Rukia to check for Uryuu's presence.

A voice came from behind before he had the chance to ring again.

"What do you want here?"

Turning around, he saw Ryuuken with his silver hair parted to reveal the forehead, and his signature oval glasses. Staring at him, he tried to picture an older Uryuu and contemplated if he would look like his father when he grew old with his hair all white.

He was probably taking too long to reply, since Ryuuken folded his arms on his chest. "Looking for your answer on my face?"

Ichigo blinked and felt his cheeks heat up. He was caught gawking, which was always a rude thing, but it was even ruder when one stared at the Ishida men.

"I came here to…ahem," his voice cracked, which made him want to burry himself in the barren flower beds right there. "I came here to visit Ishida."

"Really? It seemed to me, like you're on your way to go on a date." Ishida senior said, pointing his chin towards the red rose in his hand.

There really was no answer Ichigo could've given that made sense. 'I wanted to confess my feelings to your son,' might get him shot right through his chest. 'I thought your son was injured, so I brought him flowers,' sounded strange and void.

"A young girl was selling some flowers, and I bought one." It should've been recorded as History's Dumbest Answer, but no one could come up with any other reply in the presence of Ishida Ryuuken.

"You're as bad as your mother when it comes to lying." He said. "Uryuu is not here."

"What?" Ichigo decided to ignore the comment on his mother's inability to lie and focus on where the Quincy was.

"He isn't home."

"But where is he?"

"Why do you ask?"

Ichigo was at a loss of words. Yeah, why, indeed? If Uryuu actually wanted to see him or talk to him, he would've done already. Why was he still so persistent on making sure if he was alright or not. What if Uryuu didn't want his friendship?

But you're the one who's hurting. Chad's voice echoed in his head, reminding him of how terrible he had been recently, how empty he felt whenever he looked around and didn't find Uryuu.

You think Ishida-kun is just going through his teenage phase, right? Urahara had told him right when he opened his eyes and started looking for the Quincy.

It still seems like I've just seen a fraction of his personality. His mind drifted to what Orihime said weeks ago, about how after being friends with Uryuu for so long, they still don't really know him.

And then, Rukia gave him the final push.

It's not too late now.

"Because he is my friend." Ichigo answered, voice as steady as the reishi flow around him. "I know he is trying to hide away from us, the people who should console him, and that's dumb. I need to show him he is much more worthy than the dumb decisions he made throughout the war. I just want things to go back to normal. He is…my best friend and most reliable ally."

Ryuuken stared at him in silence as he recited his monologue, not moving a inch. To be honest, none of the things he had said were wrong. He was just not saying the whole truth beyond his motives.

"You still haven't told me what the rose has to do with my son." Ishida senior said, without any bite.

It was Ichigo's turn to become silent and stare, while his cheeks warmed up with embarrassment. Ryuuken would definitely burry him alive if he said what was on his mind. How could he put his feelings into words? Admitting them out loud for Rukia was one thing, but for Ryuuken? He'd rather fight Yhwach all over again.

Perhaps Ishida's father could've read minds, because he didn't press the matter anymore. Instead, he walked towards his car and said "Come on, I'll give you a ride."

"Eh?" Ichigo stared at him, his mouth wide open. He is going to take me out of town, and then shoot my head off, isn't he? He thought, deeply regretting ever coming here.

"Don't you want to see Uryuu?" Ryuuken said as he started the engine. "I'll take you to him."

Roughly twenty minutes later, Ichigo found himself faced with the entrance of the cemetery. Although he was happy to get off the car, he wasn't still entirely sure wether Ishida senior was planning to get rid of him here, as he stepped out. Following him, Ichigo got out of the car and looked at the orange sunset.

"Have you ever been to the back of the cemetery?" Ryuuken asked, which was the first thing he had said after he offered to drive him here.

"No."

"That part belongs to the Quincies." He took out a cigarette and his lighter. "Well, technically, it belongs to the Ishida house, since we are the only Quincies here."

"What does that have to do with Uryuu?" Ichigo blinked a few times. "Don't tell me-"

"Relax. He is alive." The smoke coming out of his mouth, faded into thin air.

"So, what?" Ichigo could barely relax. Why the hell was he looking for Uryuu in the cemetery? If anything had happened to him, he could never forgive himself.

Ryuuken smoked a bit, each time he huffed a trail of smoke, Ichigo felt his patience running thinner. He gritted his teeth. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Uryuu is a strange kid." Ryuuken said. Ichigo felt his heartbeat slow down a bit as he used the word 'is' instead of 'was'.

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen someone so intrigued by the dead." The cigarette was now becoming smaller and smaller in size. "It is in our blood, to feel the dead, but it is not our responsibility to deal with them. Hollows exist as a danger and we eliminated them whenever they posed a threat. This was understandable before, when we used to live in open spaces, like jungles, or deserts, separate from other communities. We had no other choice but to take arm against them. The Shinigami had enough of us meddling in things, and the rest is history.

"I hated my heritage. I still do. I also hated my father for trying to change me. And when I didn't change, he tried to do the same to Uryuu. He was a naive child, barely five years old when he pulled his first reishi bow. And the only thing I ever felt at that time was fear. I didn't want to burden my son with something that wasn't his in the beginning. He should've had a happier childhood, surrounded by friends, not hollows and old traditions that only took away his mother and grandfather."

This was probably the most he had heard Ryuuken speak, which reminded him of the times when Uryuu used to ramble about all the things he liked. But, it was not a ramble about Ryuuken's life. He wanted to talk because he had been bottling up everything. It must've hurt him a lot when Uryuu refused to stay with him.

"Why are you saying all of this to me?"

The cigarette was gone by now, Ryuuken had already started his second one. It must be really hard for him to talk to me.

"I want you to pull him away from whatever depressing thoughts he has. Talk some sense into him. Be there for him. I don't know how, I just want you to try." Ryuuken huffed again. "Save my son from the pain, Kurosaki."

Though his face was turned sideways, Ichigo heard the pleading voice and knew immediately that he was pained. Something fascinating about Uryuu was that, most of the times, Ichigo got his mood from the tone of his voice, and apparently this was something he had inherited from his dad.

"You don't have to ask me. I would do it, even if it takes a thousand years." Even if it takes an eternity, I will bring him back, right where he belongs.

Ryuuken finally turned around, stoic as always. "He is in the back, as I said. He usually visits his mother and grandfather's graves."

Ichigo nodded and gripped the stem of the rose harder.

"Another thing." Before he could sprint up the stairs, Ryuuken called him. "If you want my blessing on your affair, treat him nicely. I will not tolerate a Shinigami hurting my son."

Blushing as he was, Ichigo also felt scared at the obvious threat, reminding himself that Ishida's dad was an even better archer than Uryuu. At a loss of words, he gulped down and nodded, confirming that his intentions were pure. Ryuuken was a smart man, of course he had realized his intentions for Uryuu were not all that friendly. He was just glad the man spared him from actually confessing what his intentions were.

Now, all that was left, wad finding Uryuu.

Skipping the stairs, he focused his attention to where the spiritual pressure was coming from. Though he was still bad at it, after his Quincy powers kicked in, it was easier for him to distinguish between Uryuu and others. Or maybe that was the case since he spent every waking hour trying to look for his spirit thread. Either ways, it had helped him recognize a wave of energy, emitting from the back of the cemetery.

The Quincy's graveyard.

Ichigo was positively taken aback by the tall, huge crosses installed in the ground. Not only were they big, but there were…many of them. He always supposed the Ishidas were the only Quincies in Karakura, and Ryuuken also did mention that it practically belonged to them. Even so, he could count up to 50 crosses only in his view. Looking around for any sign of Uryuu, he saw even more of them.

But still, Uryuu wasn't yet to be found.

A gentle breeze was blowing and swayed the smaller branches around. It was the sign that sunset was approaching. Early summer was particularly not windy, but when nightfall came, the weather became a bit cooler.

Uryuu's spirit, pulled him like a magnet, like a ship into a whirlpool. He could close his eyes and still find him. To him, Uryuu was the eye of the storm, the one thing he could always run to when things got complicated. If only he in turn, thought the same way about him.

The pull of reishi, like a thread wrapped around his wrist, beckoned him to follow the path blindly. He did, and a minute later, he found Uryuu kneeling next to a cross. His spirit felt cold, almost like he was freezing in the heat of summer days.

Ichigo thought approaching him would've been easier if he had made up his mind. As he walked up towards the Quincy, he felt his resolve fade away.

Uryuu was dressed in his white sweater, the one he had worn the last time he saw him in the living world. The black hair obscured his face, but his sagged shoulders were definitely a sign of exhaustion.

Ichigo was now finally standing next to Uryuu, after such a long time. It felt unreal to him. He had decided that it was ok if the Quincy wanted to avoid him, however, standing here, looking at the silky hair and lanky body, he knew he was wrong.

He wasn't sure if he could sit down next to him. There was only one way to find out; plopping down, he searched his side-profile. He had missed the sharp nose, the pointed chin and eyes, the eyes that were mostly hidden behind his glasses, but were perfectly visible from the sides. He wanted nothing more than staring at them and counting the eyelashes.

"What are you doing here?"

It was Uryuu's voice, echoing in his head, trying to relish in the perfectly steady tone. When was the last time he had heard him say anything to him, he wondered. Uryuu hadn't even turned around. He was just sitting there, staring at the cross. Ichigo turned his face towards it, deciphering what was so interesting about it. There was a name, engraved along with the date of birth and death; Ishida Kanae.

"Is that-"

"My mother."

Somehow, the wind swayed the tree branches with more strength. He didn't say anything more. Nothing he could say would make things easier for him. Ichigo knew this from experience, since he had also lost his mother.

"You don't really talk about her."

"You don't talk about your mother, either."

It had been so long, that Ichigo had forgotten how hard it was to talk to Uryuu. And to think, he was warming up to him before the damned war.

"What was she like?" Ichigo murmured, hoping the question didn't make him uncomfortable.

It took Uryuu a few minutes to answer. Just when Ichigo was convinced he might never get any replies, he heard that sweet voice, loud and clear.

"She was the kindest person ever." His pale lips curved slightly upwards. "I loved the time I spent with her. Her food was delicious, and she also baked a lot of sweets. Everytime I fell down and scratched my knee or something, I would cry until she came to my aid. Her smile was enough to calm me down."

Ichigo remembered his own mother, being the sun he gravitated towards in his childhood. A sense of deja vu clenched his heart with nostalgia.

"She was very proud of me. Everytime I took my bow and shoot, she'd cheer for me, even though I was terrible at it."

Ichigo couldn't help his own smile. "She sounds like an angel."

"She was."

And just like that, all the joy from Uryuu's voice vanished.

They sat there for quite a while, staring at the cross in front of them. None of them talked, but Ichigo was just glad that Uryuu hadn't yet tried to flee his company.

"Do you come here everyday?"

Uryuu nodded.

"What do you do? Just sit and watch?"

A beat of silence. "I talk to her."

"About what?"

He was expecting Uryuu to cast him an ugly glare and tell him to get lost, but none of that happened. To his surprise, Uryuu answered him.

"I told her I avenged her, so she can rest assured."

Ichigo's eyes widened. "Avenge her?"

He nodded. "My mother died in the aftermath of Auswhälen."

"Eh?" Was probably not the most coherent answer he could've come up with, but it was still better than saying nothing.

"I guess you've heard of that, since you are somehow a Quincy."

"Yeah." So Uryuu didn't know a lot about his heritage. "Apparently I got that from my mother."

"Really?" Uryuu turned to look at him, with a frown. That was the first time Ichigo saw his face after that wretched day, after the war. After he saw him pass out from whatever was wrong. He wasn't sure, despite what Urahara told him, since he passed out quickly after that, too. He instantly regretted looking at him though. The blue eyes were sunken, as if all the joy in the world had disappeared. His face looked paler and thinner, in contrast with the black circles under his eyes. His heart clenched at how worn out he looked.

"Yeah, I never would've guessed. I mean, no one ever told me until a couple of months ago."

"Didn't she-"

"Die from a hollow attack?" Ichigo looked up, placing his hands behind his neck. "I thought so too, for a long time. But my dad told me a different story. She died during Auswälen, so you can say, we kinda share the same pain."

Out of his peripheral, he saw Uryuu turn his face again, with his shoulders slouched.

"When did she die?"

"Nine years ago. June 17th."

"That's in a few days."

"Yeah." Ichigo huffed out. "It was raining. That day."

"That's why you hate the rain."

It wasn't a question, but he still nodded in response.

"My mother died in fall. She became…very sick. She was barely awake at times. Wasting away on a bed, getting thinner and thinner everyday, as if life itself was being sucked out of her." Ichigo noted how his voice quivered a bit at the end, and then he heard him let out a bitter laugh. "It's ironic, isn't it? How my father, the best doctor in Karakura couldn't do anything for her. He treats patients, piles up money, works tirelessly, yet he couldn't save the one he was supposed to protect."

"Wasn't she sick because of Auswälen?"

"Still!" Uryuu said, a bit louder, which displayed how much his voice was trembling. "He could've…he could've done something! If he were a bit more interested in Quincies, he could've found a way to save her!"

Ichigo could hear the lump in his throat, he could even feel it as the Quincy gulped it down, as if Uryuu's pain was his.

"It should've been me." Uryuu whispered under his breath so quietly, that he thought he had misheard him.

"What?"

"It should've been me." Said Uryuu, a bit louder. "That night, during Auswälen. I keep blaming others, but it was all my fault."

Ichigo felt his mouth go dry. "W-what are you talking about?"

"I can still sense it, whenever I close my eyes." Uryuu's back slouched even more, as if possible. "That stillness of the body, the way your mind goes blank, the way your heartbeat gets slower and slower with each beat."

No, he couldn't believe it. "Ishida, what-"

"It was me that almost died that night nine years ago, not my mother. She wasn't the target. It was me, and she sacrificed herself instead."

Blinking in disbelief, Ichigo almost doubted his own ears and mind. How could this be true? How was he supposed to believe that Uryuu was to be dead all those years ago, just like his mother? His mind felt numb at the rush of information. "How do you know that?" He croaked out the words, at last, hoping to find an excuse to dismiss everything he just heard.

"Yhwach told me. Before he gave me The Antithesis."

"How do you know he was telling the truth?" His breathing became a bit uneven. "He could be messing with your brain. Trying to break you."

"I know it was the truth. He told me the power he'll give me belonged to my mother."

"Again, how do you-"

"Because there was no other way!" This time, Uryuu's shoulders visibly shook. "No one survived that night, but me. All the servants and their children died. My mother was still alive. I felt her touch when she held me, trying to comfort me. All those years I thought it was a delusion, but no. She…she swapped our places so I could live.

"She didn't die that night though, because she wasn't in contact with Auswälen directly. She just took all of my pain and that…was the thing that killed her, ultimately."

A trickle of tear fell down from one eye. This was the first time he saw the Quincy cry, and he wished he had never seen it. Not because of his pride or anything like that, but because he desperately wanted to hold him close. His hand itched to grab him by the shoulder.

"How did your mother have the Antithesis?" He couldn't help but ask. There were so many things he didn't understand and he was tired of being in the dark all the time.

"I'm not sure. And it doesn't matter to me." Tears were now streaming down his cheeks, and he saw his fists curl tight on top of his knees. "All that matters is that I was the one who killed her."

Thee was something so heartbreaking about the crying Quincy, that Ichigo couldn't resist inching closer and wrapping his arms around him. He pulled him in, one hand cradling the back of his head on his own shoulder as the other sobbed silently. His fingers threaded through the black hair, while his other hand grabbed the white sweater in the back, rubbing soothing patterns there.

A few minutes later, he felt a shaky hand on his arm, tightly holding it as Uryuu tried to suppress his sobbing. He placed his cheek on top of the Quincy's head, further engulfing him into his embrace.

"It'll be fine, Ishida. You'll be fine."

"How?" His voice was barely audible for others, but he was so close that he could hear each and every breath intake, let alone his words. "How can I ever live with the guilt?"

"You have us." You have me. "You're not alone."

"I can't put you in danger."

"You don't. We want to be there for you." I want to be there for you. "Please don't push us away."

"What if I kill the ones I love, just like I did my mother?" He sniffled. "What if I become like him? His blood runs in me, I still have the Antithesis, and it scares me how much I can mess up if things go wrong."

"You won't."

"How do you know that?"

"Ishida, you're the most selfless person I've ever met. How can you ever put others in danger?"

"But my mother-"

"She chose to save you." Ichigo grabbed the sides of his neck, pulling back so their eyes could meet. "Look, I know it's horrible, believe me, I do. I still blame myself for my mother's death, but she gave her life for me to live. Same as with you. Don't cheapen her sacrifice. You didn't kill her, Ishida, she wanted you to live, even if it meant she wouldn't. Your mother loved you, and don't you dare blame yourself for it ever again!"

Uryuu's red eyes widened for a moment, then went back to normal. "I didn't deserve it."

"You deserve every ounce of love in this world." Ichigo's hold became a bit tight, refusing to let him hide his face away. "You're kind and caring. You're intelligent, reliable and capable in battles. But not only that. Even in everyday life, I envy your practicality. You can do anything you want, because you're strong and smart. And you're probably the most handsome guy I've ever met."

He could feel his own face blush at admitting he found the Quincy attractive. Uryuu, on the other hand, seemed shocked. He wasn't crying anymore, just staring at him, blinking.

"Do you remember when you asked me, in Hueco Mundo, if I'd feel the same if you were the one to leave? I didn't say anything back then, because I was scared of all these new feelings I had. Honestly, even now I'm scared, but I'm not running away anymore."

He rested his forehead against Uryuu's, mindful of his glasses, staring deep through the lenses right into those eyes he had dreamed about at nights. Their breathing got in sync in that moment, hot and heavy, as they inhaled the same air.

"You wanna know how I felt when I saw you there, next to those assholes? I didn't know what to feel, or do, for that matter. I just knew it wasn't right. Because your place was beside me. I was so confused, because I kept imagining going back home, and seeing you waiting for me. It was all that mattered. But then, you were there, next to them.

"And I felt angry and betrayed. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I missed you very much, missed you pushing up your glasses, your rare smiles, your frown, your eyes. Everything. It was hell. The arrow you shoot me hurt less than you standing there, because you belong with me, Ishida, do you get that?"

Somehow, he managed to pour out all of his feelings without closing his eyes, or shying away from the proximity. If anything, he wanted to melt into Uryuu and become one, so that none of them could escape.

So that Uryuu couldn't escape.

"Stay with me, Ishida. I want you to stay with me."

Uryuu, for his part, was completely silent. He saw the way his chapped lips were moving, trying to make any noise, but nothing came out. Ichigo caressed his hair and finally rested his hand on his nape, with his thumb rubbing at Uryuu's ear.

They were so close Ichigo could feel the ghost of a lingering kiss between them.

"Please tell me, Ishida."

Uryuu gulped down. "Tell you what?"

"Tell me I just didn't make a fool of myself."

That earned him a laugh out of the Quincy. "You have always been a fool, Kurosaki."

"Am I being a fool now?"

"No." He didn't have to say it out loud for him to hear, they were close enough now. "A sap, maybe, but not a fool."

It was now his turn to laugh. A warm sensation bloomed in his chest. Their eyes met again and in that moment, time stopped. It didn't matter to him if the world ended right then and there, as long as the last thing he could see before he perished was a pair of dark blue eyes.

"Do you actually mean it?" Uryuu broke the silence, and suddenly time began flowing again.

"What?"

"That I belong with you."

"Ishida." He would never mess it up again. "Of course I mean it, that and every other word I said. But I only want you to stay with me, if you want to. Do you?"

The smile Uryuu gave him was a sight to behold. He wasn't sure if it was considered decent to kiss in a cemetery, but all he could think of now, was to kiss those smiling lips.

"I do." Uryuu whispered, but with certainty. His eyes weren't red anymore, rather, there was a glow in them, a glow that made him even more beautiful. "I wanted this for a while, but…I never knew it could be possible. Even now, it doesn't feel real."

"Wanna know if it's real?"

Uryuu nodded.

Ichigo leaned in, basking in the warmth radiating off the blushing Quincy, and pressed his lips against Uryuu's. It was nothing more than a peck, nonetheless, he still felt a new gate opened for him. "Does it feel real now?" As he drew back, his lips hovered close, ready for another kiss if it wasn't enough.

But Uryuu was smarter. This time, he leaned in and took him in another simple kiss. The lack of experience on both sides was evident. Ichigo chuckled to himself; they could have all their firsts together.

Just like they had their first kiss.

Drawing back, Uryuu's gaze pierced him where he was sitting. "Now, it feels even more like a dream."

They just sat there, looking at each other and happily exchanging a few more kisses, before the sun went down completely. The bright yellow lanterns lit up, illuminating the dark around them. Ichigo reached into his pocket and found his phone blown up with missed calls and texts from Rukia.

"What is it?"

"Oh?" He looked at Uryuu. "It's Rukia. She knows about us, by the way. I mean she was the one who pushed me to come here."

Uryuu let out a laugh. "Looks like Kuchiki-san will be receiving a very special dress from me for her help."

"Well, in that case, I think it's worth mentioning Chad already knows about my feelings, I guess. Inoue, I think has a hunch, but I'm not sure about the others."

"Please tell me you weren't staring at my desk all day."

"What if I were?"

"In that case, it's safe to assume half of our class knows."

Ichigo frowned. "Why?"

"Because most of them think we have a crush on each other. Some even think we're already dating."

"W-what?" He felt his face heat up as the Quincy randomly talked about what was said behind their backs.

"Haven't you noticed everytime we talk to each other, or when we arrive in the class together, everyone goes silent?"

"I have, but I thought it was because of me, you know. I have a bad reputation."

Uryuu sighed. "No, it's because of us."

"Well then, I just have to get used to it, since we are really dating now." He leaned back on his hands, smiling from ear to ear, and suddenly felt something cold on his palm. Turning around, he let out a noise.

"Ah!" He had forgotten about the flower.

"What is it?" Uryuu was instantly on one knee, ready to draw his bow. As sexy as he looked all ready, Ichigo felt bad for alarming the boy for nothing.

"Nothing, relax, it's just…" He scratched his head, hiding the spray of rose behind his back. "I got a bit carried away and…"

"And?"

He slowly brought the flower up. The shocked look on Uryuu's face was honestly worth it, the way his eyes widened and his mouth opened around a soundless gasp. He reached out and took it, slender fingers touching the delicate rose petals. "Are you trying to woo me, Kurosaki?"

Well, that was certainly one way to put it. "It's ok if you don't like it-"

"No no, I do." Uryuu added hastily. "It's just that, I didn't take you for a romantic."

"I mean, I already am a sap. How much harder would it be to be a romantic?"

Uryuu laughed, and the resonance of it rang in his ears. He brought the rose closer and smelled it. The sight of the Quincy inhaling the fragrance, losing himself in the act, became overwhelming. He fisted the grass under his palm, regretting removing his hands from the warm juncture between his neck and shoulder.

"It's Wednesday, so Ryuuken has a night shift." Uryuu, gave him a lopsided smile. The visage, combined with his rose-tinted cheeks made his heart throb painfully. "Do you care to join me tonight?"

"Well, when you put it that way, I'd be a fool to refuse." His cheeks felt warmer than before, as he deciphered what the Quincy meant. "And you said I am not one, which I hate to contradict."

Uryuu's smirk softened into a smile, and then brought his hand to cup Ichigo's cheek. He leaned in, as if trying to kiss him, but instead, hovered above his already parted lips.

"Thank you, Kurosaki."

Ichigo gulped down. "For what?"

Uryuu closed the gap between them, placing a soft but deep kiss on his mouth. "For giving me a reason to live."