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Josie hadn't said a single word since they left the base.
The second they stepped inside the apartment, Josie walked right past her, rigid and angry. She kept her distance, just as she had during the entire ride home, refusing to even look in Cruz's direction.
Cruz sighed, dropping her gear by the door.
She didn’t think the team hazing would be such a big deal. Everyone went through it.
Even if Josie was a decorated Army Captain, on this team, she was the newbie.
Being the rookie meant doing the grunt work no one else wanted, like making the coffee.
She knew she had to bite the bullet and fix this. She couldn’t let them spend the rest of their night not speaking.
They had established a rule in the earliest part of their relationship: no one goes to bed angry.
Even if that meant they had to spend the whole night fighting.
It made them both keen on hearing the other one out so they could go to bed sooner rather than later.
“Baby, come on. It was just a joke. It was you being part of the team.” Cruz began.
“So telling me that ‘If the shoe fits’ is being part of the team now?” Josie shot back, her voice rising with each word. “I thought you would be more welcoming to new members, seeing that the new member is your fucking girlfriend. But hey, that’s just me.”
“You know I can’t show any special treatment. That will compromise the team, and the hazing will just be worse.” Cruz kept her tone gentle, taking a few careful steps toward her. “I’m sorry it had to be this way. I went through it too in the beginning. You just have to give it some time until they see your value. Or someone new comes along.”
Hoping to physically ground her, Cruz reached out to touch Josie's shoulders.
“No.” Josie jerked away from her touch.
“You don’t get to touch me after laughing behind my back with the team. You embarrassed me in front of the whole team and the target!” she yelled, her face flushed and her body rigid with tension. “I am not some rookie to not be taken seriously. I am a whole damn Captain.”
She took a sharp breath, her voice suddenly quivering. “I have earned my respect and I have shown my value. I helped you take down my own family. I left my hard-earned role in the Army for this.”
They stared at each other, Josie's jaw was set, her eyes blazing with a stubborn fire that told Cruz she would happily hold her ground until dawn if she had to. If they were going to fix this, Cruz realized she had to be the one to drop her weapons first.
“You are right. You are right,” Cruz admitted, finally accepting just how deep the cut went. “I’m sorry. I will take it a few notches down. I can’t speak for the rest of the group, but I promise I won’t undermine you again.”
Sensing the shift in the room, Cruz took a careful step toward her. “Are you sure it’s just about the hazing, baby? I promise I’ll listen.”
“You act like you don’t even know me when other people are around,” she confessed, her voice thick with emotion.
“It really hurts me, Cruz. When we're alone, you are a totally different person. You take care of me, you act so in love but let one person be around and suddenly I'm invisible. Am I just a hookup? A hot body to comfort you? Do you even care about me?”
Josie waited, her chest heaving. “Say something.”
Cruz looked at her, her expression perfectly steady. “Are you done? Because I can wait. I want you to get it all out.”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“I'm not, which means I have to take all of that seriously,” Cruz said softly. “Do you really not know how much I love you, Josie? I admit I am not the best at showing anything other than indifference when people are around. But with you... I've shown you parts of myself I don't let anyone else see, not even me most of the time.” she let her shoulders drop.
”I only think about coming home after every mission for you and for me. I have started to care about myself because I can’t stand the thought of hurting you. Of leaving you alone. I really do love you. You have to know that. I am so deeply in love with you. Please, you have to believe that.” Cruz knew she had to ease Josie's fears.
The only way to do that was to be vulnerable. Even if it was really hard for her.
Josie was uncharacteristically silent. Her breathing had evened out, and Cruz took it as a sign she was getting through to her.
“Do you need me to prove it? I will resign and leave everything behind if that’s what you want. I’m serious. You are the most important thing in my life.” Cruz said it and realized that she really did mean it. But that was a thought for another time.
“Would you really? Do that for me? Leave all of this behind?”
“I will call Joe right now.” She said as she pulled out her phone to find Joe’s contact.
“No, it’s okay. This is enough for me. I believe you.
You’d better not make me a fool for that.” Josie said, still a bit scared about what Cruz actually felt for her.
“Can I touch you now? I love you baby.” Cruz finished and opened her arms, giving Josie the option to let her hug her.
Josie stepped into her embrace, letting Cruz crash her flush against her body, her arms around her shoulders. She felt Cruz’s hand move to the back of her head, keeping her securely in place.
“I love you too, Cruz.” Josie finally exhaled.
“You need to work on us being a couple at work. I’m not saying treat me too special, but just a bit, you know. So I know where we stand.”
“I’ll try, as long as you aren’t too hard on me. I promise.”
“I can do that, yes.”
“Can we shower and eat now? I need to erase that dude’s smell from me but more importantly from you.” Cruz said as she leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Josie’s lips. “I don’t want to be reminded of him on you. Today was more than enough.“ she continued, giving her girlfriend a last kiss.
“Gladly”.