Chapter Text
"You alright, Moony?"
They were celebrating the recent Gryffindor win after having beat Slytherin in a particularly brutal match that morning. James had nearly frozen his arse off in that match—the snow was rather severe—but once they'd caught the snitch and secured the win, he spearheaded the celebratory effort by ordering them all a round at The Three Broomsticks. Although Remus wasn't particularly invested in the competition, and didn't really understand the devotion the entire school had dedicated to the sport, nothing could beat sharing a drink with his friends—well, except, maybe a quick fag.
Remus shifted slightly, his fingers searching for the small tin at the bottom of his robe pocket. Sirius sat close beside him, nearly elbowed by Remus as he hunted it down. Across from the two of them, James and Peter lounged comfortably in their seats, mid-laugh and halfway through their second butterbeers.
“I’ll be just a moment,” Remus murmured, finally pulling the tin out and shaking it gently.
Sirius recognized the gesture, nodding once with a knowing smirk as Remus raised from his chair, a small groan escaping him. It had been ten days already since the full moon, which naturally meant the upcoming new moon was dragging him down, but that transformation had also been more difficult than it had been in a long time. He'd been managing alright, all things considered, but for some reason he was particularly restless this past full moon. The wolf may have been pleased by their secret trips outside to the forbidden forest, but that didn't stop it from nearly injuring Prongs this last transformation.
Remus knew the three of them were hiding the truth of the severity of it all, always hiding the ferocious snarl of the wolf behind soft padding as though Remus wasn't intimately familiar with it himself. They'd never reveal just how perilous the situation most likely was. All they'd chalked it up to was a rather intense sparring session provoked between Prongs and the wolf, which Remus could assume must have deteriorated significantly, given how worn-out James in particular had looked come morning.
It was never a kind reminder, knowing that one bad night could seriously harm his friends if things went awry. Everything would only get harder come graduation, once his sanctuary within Hogwarts would come to an end. Hardly a sanctuary—the shrieking shack being very little comfort, and the tension of the war bleeding through the halls—but this school was the last barrier before the real world got its claws on him. That unease had to have set off the wolf's temper this past month, and as a result, lashed out at James.
His hip ached in protest as he stood up. Sirius raised a hand to Remus's lower back in support, letting it linger before sliding away as Remus headed toward the door. He needed a moment away from the loud cheering crowd, all the noise pressing in and beating at his temples. He'd been feeling knackered ever since that full moon—no major surprise, really—but it gave him an excuse to step outside for a smoke.
The door creaked as he stepped out onto the icy cobblestone, the cold air nipping sharp at his ears. Though the difference between the warmth of the tavern and the frozen street was startling, the feeling was almost refreshing after the bustling crowd indoors grew too overwhelming. The street was unfortunately busy as well, but far quieter than the cheers and whoops heard inside. Remus leaned against the wall just beside the door, pulling a fag from the tin. He slipped it between his lips and lit it with a flick of his wand.
As he took a slow breath, the smoke filled his lungs, burning faintly in his chest. As he exhaled, the exhaustion left alongside the smoke, motivating him toward another drag.
James would get on his case if he found himself chaining cigarettes all by his lonesome while everyone else was trying to get drunk on the measly bit of alcohol in their multiple rounds of butterbeers. One vice for another, and this one was far more effective, if he had anything to say about it. This one pulled the tension from his shoulders, making the world a little more tolerable despite the ache lingering in his bones. Truly, he deserved that much given each month provided him a night of hell, setting him up for a lifetime of misfortune. Another pull, and he dragged it down near halfway, finding himself working through it quicker once he'd decided it justified. He already began fishing for the next one as he chased it down—when a sharp crack rang in his ears, sudden and jarring.
Had… something exploded nearby?
He turned his head, craning to look over the street of passersby. He couldn't see any trouble or panic from anyone ahead, not even a single person jumping from the loud sound that had jolted him from where he stood. Remus shook his head once, trying to free himself from the ringing in his ears as he pushed off from the wall. As he straightened up, a sudden hitch in his breath caught him alongside a pulsing wave of dizziness. Deep inside, a strange hollow feeling was swallowing him whole, almost painfully pulling at him. His feet staggered slightly, as he instinctively lifted a hand to his chest.
He hadn't been struck anywhere from that loud cracking sound, had he? Something felt wrong here. He ought to just go inside and whine to Sirius that they'd be better off headed back to their room early, spending the time alone and comfortable before the other two returned.
Before he could do more than consider that, his knees gave way as something inside him lurched. His core yanked downwards toward the ground, sending him for the cobblestone as the world tilted around him. His thoughts scattered sideways, hitting the ground and strewn like the cigarettes that had fallen from the tin as it left his hand.
⸻ ✦ ⸻
"He said he'd only be a minute…" Sirius muttered, eyeing the now flat butterbeer Remus had left behind.
James downed the rest of his own, "Probably just stepped around the corner."
He then clapped Peter on the back as he attempted to chug his own. Peter choked on a mouthful, sputtering as foam spilled over his chin. He whacked James in the back of the head in retaliation, making his drink slosh over into his lap with a loud offended gasp. Sirius snorted at the whole ungraceful display between the two of them, but glanced back to Remus's unfinished drink, and over to the front door with a frown.
Peter glanced at the empty seat as he wiped the spilled butterbeer off his chin. "Looks like Remus forgot his cloak," he frowned. "Dunno how, it's bloody freezing out."
Sirius stood up with a dramatic sigh, taking a final swig of his drink and grabbing the cloak in one smooth motion.
"I'll go save our Moony from his complete lack of self-preservation." He muttered, swinging the cloak over his shoulder.
Not like he really needed a reason to go out and check on Remus, but… the cloak handed him a very straightforward one. A simple 'don't freeze your arse off and end up in the hospital wing' one. Besides, it'd been long enough already. By now, he should've come back in, face turned pink from the chilly air, ready for another warm butterbeer and Sirius's warm hands at his side.
Sirius opened the door, the cold air hitting his face and making him squint. He called out blindly, "Oi, it's bloody freezing—come get your cloak, you barmy—" he stopped short as his eyes adjusted, making contact with something small in the snow.
The tin was half-buried, the cigarettes spilled out onto the cobblestone. He looked up, his eyes widening despite the sheer cold. Remus was nowhere in sight. He dropped his eyes back down, confirming that those were definitely his, no mistaking it. He scanned the vicinity, not finding Remus at any of his usual stomping grounds—not resting on the bench giving his hip a break, not by the alley corner, not lingering by Honeydukes to ponder a nice chocolate frog.
Where the hell—?
Sirius crouched down, brushing the snow off the scattered pile. His hand lingered, stopping beside an unfinished fag that had been recently lit. A small stream of smoke sputtered out as he nudged it with his finger.
Remus had lit it. He would never waste a cigarette, let alone abandon the whole tin. He certainly wouldn't have walked away without saying something to one of them. So, where the hell was he? He whipped around, throwing the door open wide to trudge back inside, his face paled as he reached the table.
"He's not out there."
“What do you mean, he’s not out there?” James asked, turning towards Sirius.
Sirius’s eyes were wide. He gripped Remus’s cloak tightly, crumpling the fabric in his hands while he paced. We really can’t leave this idiot anywhere, he thought, panic flickering behind the irritation.
“Full bloody disappearing act,” He snapped, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “Except the cigs. Them and the tin, both in the snow—our Moony, nowhere to be found.”
He tapped his foot, immediately restless at the revelation that Remus had just up and disappeared. He tossed the cloak at Peter, who caught it just before it struck him across the face.
“We need to go out and look!"
As the three of them all headed outside, Sirius scooped up the abandoned tin on the way out, pocketing it without thinking.
Fortunately, it couldn't have been long that Remus had gone off somewhere. The cigarette was still smoldering, even with the snow ready to snuff it out. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes with that in mind. Sirius might have been reacting too dramatically about the whole thing, but it all just felt wholly unusual for Remus. If it had been Sirius out there by himself, no one would've batted an eye if he'd trekked off somewhere for a minute just for the sake of it. Remus kept to the familiar, so Sirius didn't like how unfamiliar this all felt.
The group split up, each taking a section of Hogsmeade and agreeing to meet back at The Three Broomsticks. Sirius was sure that one of them would return with Remus. He had to be somewhere nearby.
Ten minutes passed, and Sirius hadn't found him yet—then twenty, then thirty. None of the shops or alleys held him. Sirius made sure he was thorough, too, checking twice at Scrivenshaft's, knowing Remus's penchant for admiring the stationery. He thought about buying him a striking amber-colored quill, hovering around it for a moment before returning to the task at hand. Back at the tavern, they regrouped, James shivering from the cold and rubbing his arms, as Peter huffed warm air into his cupped hands, warming his fingers. Sirius had returned last, scowling at the sight of the two of them standing there without Remus.
"Maybe he was feeling ill?" Peter offered. "Went back to see Madam Pomfrey? "
James glanced at Sirius, and quickly caught the severe scowl that had settled on his face.
"He's stronger than he looks, you know." James reassured, then gave a dramatic flourish. "Don't forget—he's a proper duelist, that one. He's either feeling under the weather and visiting Madam Pomfrey, or he's just sent someone on their arse to her instead."
Sirius shrugged, but let James have a small smirk at that, giving way to his positivity. He wanted to believe him, but the panic was already settling for the long haul.
"Could've just gone back to rest, honestly." James added. "Rather than catastrophizing with the hospital wing, might just be knackered in bed."
"Yeah," Peter chimed in. "Wouldn't put it past him. He is perpetually tired."
Sirius nodded slowly, trying to find the hope the others seemed to have. They decided to make the walk back up to the castle, going with the working theory that Remus was resting somewhere inside. Each step felt heavier for Sirius, not knowing if they were going to find him sleeping away obliviously in the castle, or leaving him lost somewhere behind them.
James stepped into the common room first, followed by Peter, and then a sulking Sirius. His eyes swept the room instantly, desperate to see Remus curled up on the couch, only to see Lily sitting there instead.
Lily looked up from the notes in her lap, a quill in hand. "You lot look like you’ve been through a blizzard,” She said, stretching her arms overhead. “I’ve been cooped up all day doing revisions—feeling like a bloody owl.” She stood up, continuing her stretch, then frowned at Sirius’s scowl. “What’s wrong?”
Sirius looked up sharply, he wore his emotions too strongly at times. "Have you seen Remus?"
"No," She blinked. "Why?"
Sirius let himself fall into the couch beside her, groaning rather dramatically as his head fell into his hands. If it weren't for the situation, the others would almost certainly have laughed at such a theatrical display. Rather than asking further, Lily began to gather the scarf and gloves beside her, throwing the scarf around her shoulder as she gave Sirius a pitying look.
"I'm going to stretch my legs before curfew—hoping the cold'll wake me up a bit." She looked at Sirius, and gave him a half-smile. "Hope you two sort it out."
With that, she stepped out of the portrait hole before anyone could possibly explain that this wasn't a fight. Not like Sirius had the words, anyway.
⸻ ✦ ⸻
From where Remus lay on the cobblestone, the world looked like swarm of legs—a blur of shoes and cloak hems. The movements overlaid each other, tracking too slowly behind his eyes. He blinked slowly, everything moving too fast in his vision. Something had just happened, hadn't it?
He rubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper. The fabric hung loosely over his fingertips, soaking up where the snow had dampened his face. He was incredibly tired, and impossibly confused. A sharp clang had rung out in his ears, but before that… what had happened before that?
None of his thoughts wanted to hold. He couldn't grasp onto anything, no better than trying to hold onto grains of sand sifting from his palms—catching onto a single thought was impossible, and trying to retrieve what fell away had more slipping between his fingers at once. He didn't know where he was supposed to be, or what he was supposed to be doing. He just wanted to go somewhere safe—somewhere warm, and quiet—somewhere away from all of the loud, all of the sounds.
It was all too much.
He pushed himself up, stumbling a little, disoriented by the large crowd of passersby. The bright light of The Three Broomsticks behind him felt so harsh that he grew nauseous. The cold finally made its presence known again, seeping into his bones with the return of his awareness. He slipped away from the crowd, edging toward the nearest quiet, somewhere he could tuck away and silently exist for a little while.
Remus's vision tunneled, something vital slipping from inside him, he wasn't sure what, but he continued to move. It reminded him of something, this feeling—almost like how the full moon stole from him, making him a passenger inside his own skin. He staggered on the cobblestone, floating adrift in his own body and watching from a fractured lens as he pressed on, waiting to be pulled back to the surface.
As he did, he turned around inside himself, coming face to face with an impossibly large bookshelf—the books haphazardly piled, dust covers lost, and pages torn. It was all too much right now, so he closed his eyes.
⸻ ✦ ⸻
Lily exhaled, watching her breath curl like smoke in the cold air. It was far too freezing, but certainly beautiful outside, the snow collected like a sheet across the grounds.
She sighed, glancing down at the distant gates that lead to Hogsmeade. As soon as she got back, she'd return to her notes. She wasn't planning to walk down that far—all the way to Hogsmeade—but she felt sorry for Sirius. He looked truly distraught over something that had happened between him and Remus, and whatever that was, clearly had him shaken. She decided that she'd pick up some chocolate frogs from Honeydukes, a gift Sirius could offer Remus. It would soften him up, having such a terrible sweet tooth.
She swiftly made her way across the grounds, boots crunching on untouched snow until she reached the well-trodden streets of Hogsmeade. Once she made it inside Honeydukes, she grabbed a handful of chocolate frogs, and a few sugar quills for herself. It only felt fitting, picking up a snack in theme with her never ending revisions. She paid for the sweets, and began to head out, making her way back up the street. As she passed by The Three Broomsticks on her left, she briefly glanced through the window.
Lily realized quickly she would not be walking back anytime soon. Caught, but not entirely upset by the idea of a butterbeer with her friends.
"I thought you'd sworn off Hogsmeade until exams were over."
Mary prodded Lily with her elbow, a devilish smirk on her face. It was only November, but Lily prized herself for the discipline she held with her revisions. She had canceled on Mary and Marlene last week to finish a paper for Advanced Potions, so they were rather teasing finding her there.
"I just needed a break from my revisions, is all." Lily started, then smiled fondly, shaking her head. "Besides… Remus and Sirius, they're utterly hopeless."
That got their attention. Mary and Marlene both perked up instantly, eyes gleaming with interest, hungry for gossip.
Lily held her hands up immediately, “I don’t really know anything, sorry.” She admitted. “But it seems like something did happen between them though. Sirius seemed really upset earlier.”
Marlene hummed into her butterbeer. “They were here earlier. Everything seemed fine, mostly. Except…”
Lily leaned in, “Except?” She knew she shouldn’t pry into her friend’s details, but couldn’t help but wonder.
“Well, Remus stepped out for a while—figured he was taking a smoke, you know?” She yawned, and traced the rim of her mug slowly. “Nothing weird at first, then Sirius followed him out, and when he came back… he looked wrecked.”
“Yeah.. it was odd." Mary joined in. She leaned in close, asking under her breath, "think they broke up?”
Lily frowned. “I hope not, but it is strange… Has anyone seen Remus since then?”
“I haven’t seen him,” Marlene said. “We left for a bit to get some fresh air. Came back about an hour ago.”
“Oh, actually” Mary added suddenly, “I think I saw his woolly outside earlier. The one he always wears, with the wonky stripes? It was in the snow. I meant to grab it, but… I forgot.” She looked sheepishly toward the window, almost as though looking through the wall at the hat she'd seen in the snow.
Lily stood up, gathering her sweets and downing the last of her butterbeer. "If I find him, I'll give it back." She smiled at both of them. "Thanks, you two. Enjoy your butterbeers."
She stepped out again, immediately scanning the street but finding neither the woolly or Remus. Instead, the faint smell of smoke caught her attention. By the doorway, she saw the cigarettes scattered across the snow, and one of them, still faintly smoking.
Lily narrowed her eyes. They said he hadn't come back, but he must've still been nearby. At any rate, she needed to turn in for the night. She still wasn’t finished with her revisions, and the boys’ relationship drama shouldn’t be her problem to solve.
⸻ ✦ ⸻
Remus didn't remember falling asleep, only the vague feeling he'd had a nightmare. The feeling clung to him like a fog as he woke up cold, curled up on his side and clutching a scarf he didn't recognize. He brought his hands to his face and traced the damp trails left on his cheeks. Had he been crying?
The sky was tinged with an early morning light, the brightness peeking through the horizon making him squint. He wished the sun would feel as warm as it looked, rather than teasing him with cold rays of light. He'd somehow fallen asleep outside, his bare skin feeling rather numb, so, not feeling much of anything at all.
He wasn't sure where he'd ended up, or even what he was waiting for. He just… needed to wait for someone who knew what to do—someone he could trust. He stood up slowly and began to wander again, hoping he could recognize something… anything, really. Something kind, or safe, or familiar… someplace warm seemed like a good start, after freezing for who knows how long out in the snow. Fortunately, despite the cold, the scarf wrapped around him stayed inexplicably warm, the heat radiating out and reaching his limbs when he'd curled up tight. If it weren't for that cozy warmth against the harsh cold, he wasn't sure he'd have woken up at all.
⸻ ✦ ⸻
“Fuck.”
Sirius jolted upright, completely disoriented by James's aggressive throttle in an attempt to shake him awake. He had fallen asleep, despite swearing he would wait up all night for Remus to come home. He managed until almost sunrise, but somewhere between then and now, his exhaustion pulled him under.
James sat down next to Sirius, looking hesitant, almost wary about his next words. He didn't need to say anything. Sirius buried his hands into his face again. For a moment, he'd let himself believe that James was startling him awake with good news. Unfortunately, James’s sad doe eyes expressed nothing of that sort.
“Remus hasn’t come back.”
Stop. Saying. That.
He already heard it all night. Repeated in his head on a loop, cursing him over and over. He told himself to stay awake because Remus hadn't come back. It felt like betrayal to sleep when he could be out there, making sure their friend, hisfriend… his Moony, wasn’t in any danger.
"I know he will, though." James said, keeping his voice steady. He held Sirius's gaze firmly. "I'm certain."
Sirius blinked at him, surprised by the steel in James’ voice. He appreciated the change from his usual sunflower warmth. It wasn’t like James, no words bathed in honey or a softened smile. He just dared the world to try and keep Remus from returning home. Sirius felt it reignite the fire in his chest. He'd go without sleep for as long as he needed to.
After everyone was woken up, they gathered in the common room. Peter was muttering about how useless it felt without the map, since Remus had it when he vanished.
“I just… I wish we had it,” Peter muttered. “We always need it when we don’t have it.”
Sirius shot him a sharp look but said nothing. Peter wasn’t wrong, but it stung to hear it out loud. Remus had the map with him when he'd vanished, leaving them without their most useful item for this exact situation.
As James pitched a plan to scout the grounds, Lily came downstairs into the common room. She yawned as she scanned the couches, her expression falling when her eyes never landed on Remus.
“Remus?”
James looked at her, then back at Sirius and Peter. They didn’t have the opportunity to explain the severity of the situation before she had left last night. Lily was the closest person to Remus besides them. She needed to know now how worrying this all was.
“What!?” Lily snapped awake, immediately alarmed by the news. “He never came back?”
The group all shrugged, varying levels of dejected among them.
"He was there, I'm sure of it." Lily shook her head. "At The Three Broomsticks again. I was near there…" Her voice trailed off as she both hands over mouth, her face blushing “Oh! Sirius, I’m an absolute git. I thought it was just a fight between you two…”
Sirius turned slightly pink. "Well, it’s besides the point now…"
"We last saw him in Hogsmeade, so we need to go back there." James decided. "No more waiting."
Peter looked doubtfully at James. “He couldn’t have stayed outside all night—it was absolutely freezing.” He looked down at the floor, fidgeting with his thumbs. “I think maybe we ought to tell McGonagall."
“I was going to say the same." Lily nodded in agreement. "This isn’t some silly prank, it’s serious, and the professors needto know.”
Sirius stood abruptly. “No. We cannot tell them.” His voice turned softer as he added, "not yet."
He waved his wand. Muffliato.
“If they find out he’s missing," Sirius continued. "They’re going straight to Dumbledore, or worse, the ministry. They aren’t going to sit by with a werewolf gone walkabout.”
God forbid he's just sleeping it off somewhere and they go and have him reported by the damn Ministry.
“Shit,” James muttered. “He’s right. We have to figure this out first.”
Lily exhaled. She looked like she wanted to argue, but this was a delicate situation, and Sirius knew he was not going to give up control easily.
"Fine," Lily conceded, looking at each of them. "But on one condition."
Everyone stared at her expectantly as she finally exhaled, her shoulders dropping
“Eat something first,” she finished. “You all look bloody knackered.”
⸻ ✦ ⸻
Peter made the decision to sneak down to the kitchen and fetch a round of scones while everyone else got ready. None of them were keen on dealing with the Great Hall right now, given it would take too much time, and attract attention to their missing marauder.
James was finalizing the search plan, while Sirius looked about ready to claw his way outside before Peter or Lily had ever returned. Lily, meanwhile, decided to make a quick errand to the greenhouse. She hoped to find some ingredients for a dowsing spell she'd found in one of her older textbooks. Sirius grumbled that it would take too long, but she quickly shut him down.
“What’s your plan then, keep wandering in circles?”
She'd felt bad for snapping, but honestly, he needed to hear it.
Lily crossed the grounds briskly, treading across frost-hardened grass and reaching the entrance to the greenhouse. Fortunately, she was certain she would find some angelica root, and with some luck, she’d find some borage. She was less certain about whether bindweed would be available in the greenhouse. She got lost in her thoughts, trying not to think about how much they were relying on chance.
She nearly missed it, but stopped when she realized the door to the greenhouse was cracked, sitting slightly ajar. Her first thought was silly—hopeful, but unlikely. She knew Remus had a habit of sneaking off for a smoke, and that he had dabbled in questionable smokes with some of the Hufflepuffs before. It would make for a rather entertaining story if she came back with a rather stoned Remus puttering behind her after a night of panic.
Pushing the door open, she stepped inside and was greeted—not by Remus, unfortunately—but by the humid air and the scent of warm soil. She found the angelica root quickly, crossing it off her list with a satisfied hum. She was impressed by her luck, spotting the bindweed nearby with just enough blooming for her potion. She hoped that none of the classes would need it urgently, because she was about to clear their stock for the foreseeable future.
As she reached for her shears, a sharp crash startled her. A terracotta pot had smashed to the floor behind her.
“For Merlin’s sake!” She yelped, almost throwing the shears in her fright.
She whipped around, looking for the source of the sound. There was a small potted dittany that had toppled off a nearby bench, soil scattered all over the stone floor. She couldn’t see who the culprit could have been. Could ghosts enter the greenhouses? They usually stayed within the castle walls, right?
She crouched to clean the mess, a long sigh escaping her. She didn’t want to leave it in disarray, even if she was in a hurry.
Scourgify.
The dirt and broken ceramic was cleaned up in one fell swoop. She reached for the dittany, where it had rolled just slightly under the bench. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a small figure scrambling away at the end of the bench, making her gasp as she jerked upright and promptly smacked her head on the edge of the table.
“Shit!” She hissed, stumbling back and almost knocking over a whole row of plants.
A few feet in front of her underneath the bench was a small child, shivering and staring back with wide frightened eyes. Lily froze, still catching her breath from the shock. She lowered herself to the ground again, crouching to his level.
“Lord, you gave me a scare…” she muttered, softening her voice when she noticed how small the child really was. He looked hardly more than a tot. "Where did you come from? You shouldn’t be out here on your own, you’ll freeze.”
The child shuffled slightly, eyes focused downward at the stone, where the potting soil had been spilled and cleaned away.
“It's warm in here,” he whispered.
Lily followed his gaze, then caught sight of his feet. They were bare, caked in greenhouse mud, and the skin turned angrily red. He must have been out in the snow like that…
“Oh, love…"
She gathered up the rest of her ingredients quickly. The others could start the search without her. She was absolutely worried sick about Remus, but there was no chance she would ever leave a child alone out here. Lily placed her satchel of ingredients on her back before extending a hand to the child. He did not move, only staring at her warily. The poor thing looked like he would shatter if she spoke too loud.
“It’s all right, I won’t hurt you." She spoke gently. "My name’s Lily.”
He looked at her, studying her up and down, before he slowly crept out from under the bench.
She gave him a soft smile. “Can you tell me your name?”
He shyly looked away, shrugging instead. His fingers curled under the hem of his over-sized jumper. The ends of it were damp from snow, looking terribly cold and sodden. It reminded Lily of an unfortunately soggy security blanket, the way he was tugging at the fabric and hiding beneath it.
Lily tilted her head at him, smiling kindly. “That’s all right. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to”
She noticed the scarf he wore, wrapped around him several times yet it still nearly dragged on the stone floor.
“Is that yours?” She asked, nodding towards the scarf. “It’s a bit big for you.”
He looked down at it, and gave a hesitant nod.
“I found it."
Lily's heart clenched. He was so small and quiet, and looked so exhausted. She needed to protect him.
“Well, it looks like it's been doing a good job keeping you warm,” she said with a bittersweet smile, crouching again to his level. “Here, I have something that will help you with all of that."
She used a charm to dry off the jumper and ends of the scarf, then murmured reducio, shrinking them closer to his size. Lily left the jumper a little long, keeping it somewhat security blanket-like for him. Another round of scourgify took care of the mud stuck all over his feet.
“Better?” She asked, giving a little smile.
The boy tugged at the scarf, and gave a small nod.
"You're still missing some important pieces of clothing though, where could your shoes… and trousers… have gone? And in this weather—" she looked around, deciding on two terracotta pots and a burlap sack nearby. "I promise these'll look much better in a moment."
She did her best at transfiguration, ending up with a terracotta colored pair of boots, and a tan pair of trousers. The fabric of the trousers was unfortunately not as soft as she'd hoped, a bit scratchy, but it was still better than nothing. She offered them up to the child, who reluctantly let her help him get them on, desperate for the additional warmth. As soon as she'd finished helping, he distanced himself from her again.
“Let’s find someone who can help you, okay? One of the professors—I’m sure they can help you find your way home.” Lily tried to comfort the child, placing a hand at his shoulder. He flinched and slunk backwards, further underneath the greenhouse table. He looked truly frightened, hiding like a skittish animal.
“No…” The boy's voice cracked. “I don't want big strangers."
Lily felt his fear tug at her heart. What could have happened to this child? He was hiding, hardly any clothes on when she'd found him, and freezing outside in this weather. He kept darting his eyes over to the door, as though ready to bolt as soon as he left her sight. If she tried to go find Professor McGonagall, she’d almost certainly come back to an empty greenhouse.
Food. That was sure to catch his attention. He truly looked like he could use it, he was wavering from exhaustion, the poor thing. Lily stood slowly, offering her hand once again.
“I’ve got some sweets back in the castle, chocolate frogs. Would you like one?”
His eyes perked up ever so slightly at that. This wasn’t how Lily expected the morning to start, but she was hopeful she could help reunite not one but two missing people today. Remus to the others… and this child to whoever might be missing him too.
Lily finally managed to build up just enough trust to gently hold his hand. They walked up to the castle, the child staring at everything with wide eyes in awe. They entered and quickly made their way up to the Gryffindor common room. Technically, this was a bit… questionable, bringing a child back to the common room rather than going straight to an adult, but he was terrified by the prospect of an adult. She didn't have the heart to terrify him if she could help him herself.
Just outside the portrait, Lily paused, unsure what the others might think. This might be a bit too much to put on their plates in addition to finding Remus. She looked back down at the child with gentle eyes.
“I need you to sit right here for a minute, can you do that?”
He didn't respond, keeping to his clearly favored communication of just staring instead. She squeezed his hand ever so slightly, hoping he would trust her and stay put. He didn't appear as much of a flight risk as he was inside the greenhouse, and perhaps the anticipation of something sweet held him steady. He still looked uncertain, but not so terrified anymore. Lily chuckled, considering how chocolate really is the solution for everything.
She quickly entered the common room, hoping to get past the others without being noticed, or at least without much of an interruption. When she entered, it was empty, except for a few first years. From what they'd gathered, the others had decided to leave without her, which was not at all surprising with Sirius champing at the bit. She sighed a breath of relief, before returning her attention to the kid.
“Okay, you can come inside with me. Alright?”
Lily led the boy into the common room, and sat him on a chair. The first-years were completely bewildered by the presence of a child younger than them on the school grounds, but she paid them no mind. Instead, she grabbed a couple chocolate frogs from her room and presented them. The boy stared wide-eyed at the the little box, suddenly very curious about what she had to offer.
He took it slowly from her, turning the box over in his hands before popping it open gently. His fingers were a little clumsy, but it was clear he was trying to be careful. Chocolate is simply a commodity for little ones. The frog took a leap, landing on the boy's jumper. He fell backwards in surprise, before catching it where it sat against his chest. The frog stilled, the enchantment giving up before he took a small bite. His eyes grew wide with satisfaction, his shoulders easing with the simple joy of sweetness. Lily smiled watching his guard lower, finally a little happiness showing through.
⸻ ✦ ⸻
This was all stressful enough already, hoping they could find Remus with no trail or lead. Now, Lily was figuring out how to help a child, one so very afraid of everything. She was fortunate that she didn't come across as a big stranger as he'd put it. She might've been seventeen, but clearly she wasn't grown-up enough to set off any alarm bells. Still, it wasn't exactly an easy position to help a child without reporting him to adults. She took a second, watching him thoughtfully as an idea popped into her head.
“The dowsing spell!”
An excited smile filled her expression as she hurried over to her trunk. She pulled out an old pair of boots, a pair of trousers, and some socks, shrinking them down to his size. Those transfigured clothes weren't meant for the long term, looking terribly uncomfortable. The boy looked over the card from the chocolate frog as she helped slipped them on, finishing with the boots as she tied the laces for him.
“I think I know just how to solve both of our problems.” She smiled.
If the spell could guide her to someone this child trusted, it would prove the method. Better to fail now, than devastate those three. If it doesn't work, she'd just accept the need to introduce this child to a trustworthy 'big stranger'. A little persuading, and maybe he wouldn't be too frightened by Professor McGonagall providing her assistance.
“Alright,” She said, standing up straight. “Let’s see where your heart will guide you.”
Lily pulled out her tools for the dowsing spell, laying them out between the two of them. She dipped a small brass pendulum into a glittering potion and held it up, letting the excess drip back into the vial.
"Do you want to try it?" Lily suggested. "Here, it's easy."
She gently placed the chain into his small hands, curling them around it. Her hands held his comfortably while she spoke.
"Think about who you are looking for. A friend, or family, someone who is important to you."
The boy looked thoughtful for a moment. "A friend…" He started. "Someone… that I love."
Lily's poor heartstrings—they were endlessly tugged right now. The pendulum stirred, swinging back and forth before it settled into a firm pull in a single direction. Unsurprisingly, it tugged toward the castle doors. Lily assumed it most likely he might be from a family living near or in Hogsmeade. She wasn't expecting the sudden shift in the direction though, as it quickly veered right, past the gates but further across the grounds away from Hogsmeade. She hummed softly, finding it odd but… maybe he'd been with someone visiting Hogwarts earlier and got separated.
The two continued to follow the pendulum, and as they grew closer it trembled with tension. The chain was almost parallel to the ground. Lily continued to guide the child beside her, as they came up towards the trail around the forest. If the person he was looking for was within the forbidden forest, Lily was not comfortable with the idea of following the dowsing spell that far. Even if she wasn't watching over the boy, she'd prefer not to wander in there by her own volition.
She exhaled a breath of relief when she caught sight of a figure ahead, near the forest's edge but not deep within like he'd been wary of. The figure was hard to make out, dark clothes blending in against the dark trees. Lily looked down, and noticed the boy had locked onto the figure, his eyes focused ahead but welling up with tears. His throat worked, attempting to hold back the small whimper he let out.
"Hey, it's okay," Lily crouched down, taking a section of the scarf and dabbing at his eyes before she adjusted it to sit below his chin. "He looks familiar to you right? Is that your friend?"
The boy nodded once, glancing away from Lily towards the man ahead.
"Is he your brother, then? Or another person in your family?" Lily asked softly. "I bet he's been worried sick for you." She tilted her head. "What's his name?"
She took another step, but the boy stopped in his tracks. It looked like his tears had won against him, spilling down his cheeks. His face quickly grew red as he fussed over the stream of tears, rubbing them away with the edges of his sleeves before more took their place. He hiccuped, a tiny cry escaping him.
"I—I don't…" His breath hitched. "I don't know."
Lily's eyes widened in alarm, before softening as she consoled him. She wiped his face with the end of the scarf again, before placing a warm hand against the side of his face.
"It's okay." She assured. "That's okay. As long as you know him, and you are safe with him, that's all that matters, okay?"
He nodded, still sniffling. She tucked a small curl behind his ears, before a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder. He watched her for a moment, glanced over at the man, then returned his attention to her as he tried to calm down. The man was still down along the trail, having walked a little, but still within sight.
"He is safe." He said softly. "I… want him. Please."
Lily smiled at that, then stood up, brushing the snow off her pants. She offered a hand to him, and he took it, tiny fingers hardly covering hers. As they walked down the hill, he pointed at the man, tugging slightly at her grasp.
"We're headed to him." Lily assured him. "See? We're walking that way right now."
As they got closer, Lily's eyes focused on the figure ahead. He was pacing in the snow, arms folded across his chest. They were close enough now that she could make out the wild hair and leather jacket she could identify anywhere.
"That's not…" Lily said under her breath. "I don't think that's who you're looking for, sweetheart."
He tugged again, ignoring her words. She'd slowed, growing hesitant about disappointing this child if he realized this wasn't who he was looking for. As Sirius turned to pace again, he turned his back on the forest and caught the sight of the two of them.
"Lily—?" Sirius's voice called out. "What are you—? How've you come across a child?"
He started up the hill, meeting her halfway as the child continued pulling Lily toward him. As soon as Sirius was in front of her, the boy pulled away from her grip and hurried over towards Sirius's side. He clung to his leg, his head only reaching Sirius's hip.
"What the—?" Sirius looked stunned. "Lily, what—?"
"I found him by the greenhouse," Lily started, looking just as bewildered. "Offered to guide him to whoever he got separated from, used the dowsing spell, and…" She shook her head. "I don't know what went wrong."
Sirius just continued to stare downward at the boy, looking frozen in place as though he was suddenly trapped by way of small child. Everything about it made it clear he'd never interacted with such a young kid before.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this."
As soon as Sirius said that, the boy tightened his grip around his leg. Sirius let out a dramatic huff, eyes widening slightly. "Hey, don't—don't do that, now." The child buried his face into Sirius's trouser leg. Sirius's expression softened immediately. "You don't need to hold me so hard. I'm not gonna run away with some little child attached to my leg, alright?"
It didn't look like the child bothered to loosen his grip one bit. Sirius glanced helplessly at Lily, gesturing towards the child.
"Can you ask him to let go?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Sirius, I'm certain you are capable."
There was a moment where Lily watched Sirius contemplate his options, clearly hovering over the idea of avoiding being the one to ask. Before he could decide, the child finally spoke, his voice softly muffled by Sirius's leg.
"…Sirus?" he repeated Sirius's name, though not quite hitting the pronunciation right.
"That's correct," Sirius huffed gently. He gave a dramatic look, as though this was so inconvenient, though it was clear he was rather enamored by being the chosen one for this child's comfort. "Would you… could you let go? Uh… please?"
The child shifted slowly, pulling away just enough to let Sirius crouch down, one knee pressed into the snow. He looked up, meeting Sirius's gaze with a careful expression. His lip trembled slightly as he took to fidgeting with his jumper.
"I… I got lost." The child said quietly. "I could never find you."
"I'm sorry, I don't…" Sirius tilted his head, his brow furrowed. "You must have me mistaken…"
The sentence trailed off as Sirius studied the child up and down. His gaze lingered on the scarf around his neck, then back up towards the boy's face. For a moment, he was entirely dumbstruck.
"I'm sorry…" The boy's voice wavered. "I didn't mean to—to get lost."
Sirius looked back up at Lily, his mouth opening but no words escaping.
"Lils," Sirius said finally, his voice low. "Something's wrong about this. Something's very wrong."
"What is it?" Lily's voice filled with instant concern.
Sirius's hands trembled slightly as he reached towards the boy's cheek, brushing a stubborn curl out of his face. The boy squirmed slightly with a reflexive smile, tickled by the light brush of Sirius's finger.
"Have you taken a proper look at him?"
"I… think so." Lily started. "He didn't look hurt, just properly frightened—"
Lily watched a single tear stream down Sirius's face.
"…Moony?"
There was no response. Sirius's face scrunched up slightly, as his voice came out again slightly broken and pleading.
"Remus?"
Finally, the little boy nodded. Lily felt a rush of emotion pull her to her knees, a loud gasp escaping her. Sirius's face crumpled up, hot tears pouring down his cheeks. The boy, little Remus, furrowed his brow tightly.
"You're crying." He said, confused. "Why are you crying?"
"Because—" Sirius stammered, trying to find the words. "I was so scared—and seeing you like this—something's happened to you, and I… Oh, Merlin… I don't know how to fix this."
Remus looked at him and his lip trembled again, tears starting to stream down his face, too.
"I didn't mean to!" He hiccuped, the words coming out in bursts. "I didn't want to! I didn't—I—I didn't mean to hurt you!"
Those words felt like a hex to the chest.
"No," Sirius said softly, his voice still cracking. "Please, you didn't hurt me." He looked at him deeply, eyes fixed on his. "I'm here."
Sirius embraced Remus, wrapping his arms around this unfamiliar tiny frame, cradling him as a deep sound came from his chest. For the first time in a long time, Sirius cried—not just a few tears, he was wracked with ugly, terrible sobs. Lily stepped back, a hand over her mouth as tears threatened to spill down her face too.