Chapter Text
When he was a child, Su Bei used to be pampered a lot. And he means a lot. Every time his father was not in the military, he'd take every opportunity possible to kiss Su Bei’s forehead or cheek.
Finish his chores? A kiss on the forehead.
Do something nice? Kiss on the cheek.
Bedtime? A kiss on his forehead and pats on his hair.
His father was a very, very, affectionate person. Maybe it was because he was always in the military, having no time to spend with his child.
Whatever Su Bei’s father aimed for, he probably got it.
After he'd died, Su Bei suddenly grew observant of other people's touches. When someone puts an arm on his shoulder, he subconsciously relaxes. There were times that teachers patted his hair, too, and whenever that happened, he always tried to stay still to make sure the touch lasted a bit longer.
…Alright, he’s an affectionate person. So what? It didn't matter, anyway.
It doesn't matter that after he transferred to Endless, there was suddenly no more influx of touch. It doesn't matter that he had to avoid it himself, lest his persona get ruined by something as measly as touch.
Su Bei can't afford to be affectionate, can't afford to give hugs, and most importantly can't afford to let his acting be for nothing.
That's what he has been repeating in his head for months now.
He doesn't know what's happened to him, but every little touch felt like fire was on his skin. He had to fight not to flinch back when someone's hand accidentally grazed him, or when Mo Xiaotian jumped at him sometimes, or even when sparring, where he tried to keep fist fights as a last resort.
He doesn't know, and he doesn't want to know.
But for now, Su Bei will keep on acting, because if he doesn't, he will die.
He will die, and no one will hold him anymore.