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The thing about parties is that Jeongguk does not like them. Never has Jeongguk enjoyed the ocean of bodies gliding against each other in a sad attempt of socializing, sad because most have either drowned themselves in alcohol or will eventually drown themselves into alcohol. It doesn't matter where he is or what's in his drink, it's that fact that he's been thrown head-first into a place where he's apparently supposed to make friends, or make a stronger "emotional support system" as his resident psychology major best friend, Taehyung, tells him. But honestly Jeongguk can't be sure if anyone in this crowd is at least emotionally stable. Perhaps it's because of Jeongguk's nature, where he has never been one for being in groups and groups of people for a long time, that he doesn't really see the appeal in parties. Or maybe it's just because he's been to all the wrong ones.
Either way, Jeongguk does not like parties, or any social gatherings at that. The only reasons Jeongguk has for being here is a.) it's New Year's Eve, b.) one of the members of his very, very tiny emotional support system and, c.) the urge to press his face against said member of emotional support system's face, in a totally non-platonic way.
Said member is currently lulling his head back, clashing lightly against the wall as he displays his signature boxy grin. Jeongguk can almost make out the deep tone of Taehyung's giggles from here. Normally, Jeongguk would be at the receiving end of that smile, as he likes to be, but right now, whoever has made Taehyung laugh is a boy Jeongguk's never seen before. The boy's hair is down, covering his forehead like a curtain, wearing a black and red sweatshirt and tight jeans hugging his legs. Jeongguk would be jealous, and of course he is, but he'll never admit to that. He'll probably just scoff once Taehyung approaches him again, eyes not meeting the elder's as he gives out a teasing comment to Taehyung. Somewhere in the lines of, "Going home with someone else tonight?"
He does that exactly, but when Taehyung registers his words he chokes on his drink. He coughs messily, little particles of liquid landing on Jeongguk's chin.
"Oh god," he says once he's caught his breath. "If you mean Jiminie then shut up because it is not like that."
"Oh?" Jeongguk says and he swallows a bit of whatever was left in his red solo cup (it will definitely be his last because Taehyung will surely not stop drinking, at least not for a while). A wave of relief washes over him, "What's it like then?"
"With Jimin?" Taehyung raises an eyebrow, letting a disgustingly cute hiccup after his sentence. "We're friends. Best friends even. We met a 'lil while back when the dance department needed classrooms to practice in because all the studios were in renovation."
Jeongguk remembers that time, he himself walking along those corridors, taking glances through the small slip of each classroom window.
"Ah," he says in realization.
"Yeah, and besides," he says, and Jeongguk can just tell by the sudden change in light of his eyes that Taehyung is about to something undoubtedly embarrassing.
"We wouldn't want wittle Gukkie going home awl by hwimself on New Year's Eve, would we?" he says in this really bad attempt at baby talk, ruffling Jeongguk's hair and all.
"You're disgusting," Jeongguk says, pushing Taehyung off of him way too lightly that Taehyung comes bouncing back at him to pull him into a hug, nuzzling his forehead against Jeongguk's temple.
"My little Gukkie," Taehyung coos, his lips too close to Jeongguks that it makes him dizzy. The scent of alcohol wafting towards Jeongguk's nose from Taehyung's mouth wakes him up.
"God, hyung, how many drinks did you have?" he says, shoving Taehyung's face away from his, quick to hide his blush.
Taehyung just giggles in response, arms spreading wide and grin spreading even wider. If Taehyung notices the slight turn up of Jeongguk's lips that he tried so hard to suppress, he doesn't say anything.
A song plays in the background, some R&B track Jeongguk can imagine Taehyung's apparent dancer friend, Jimin, would probably dance to. Before he can complain, there's a hand around his, gripping tightly as if he was afraid of Jeongguk escaping. But he doesn't and he's dragged to the dance floor, strobelights catching his vision, painting the room in blue, pink, and green.
Taehyung turns around when he's satisfied, head and body moving dangerously close towards Jeongguk until his cheek presses against the younger's.
"Let's dance," he whispers, loud enough for only Jeongguk to hear.
—
It's 11:57 PM and Jeongguk is panicking.
The minutes have passed too quickly, in a wave of odd mixtures of drinks and too long, too different stares. There’s intoxicating puffs of breath by the proximity Taehyung and Jeongguk share. It's too, too close for Jeongguk, and he prolongs the distance once he realizes that it's too early, that it wouldn't be special if he kissed Taehyung then and there. It's too easy, he thinks. Not yet, his brain says, and he follows.
It was thirty minutes past ten when Jeongguk split from Taehyung with the excuse of needing some air. And he wasn't lying, inside with the elder made his lungs restricted. Watching Taehyung dance, arms reaching out for his, skin bathing in the blinding strobelights was close to asphyxiation. It's his fault for giving in, gripping at Taehyung's waist and leaning in too close.
Jeongguk runs through the now-empty house. The people have moved out to the backyard, on their last high of the night before they go back home to just another day. Jeongguk's eyes are frantic, moving quickly, scanning through the crowd, looking for the same box smile he's been meaning to press his lips against since this morning, or if he's truly being honest with himself, in times when he's desperate, when time was limited like right now he would admit that he's wanted to kiss Taehyung ever since he's met him. Ever since Taehyung had declared his space in Jeongguk's heart, somewhere in between meeting and getting to know each other.
Not now, Jeongguk begs, just stop for a while.
10!
Jeongguk pushes people away, eyes looking left to right.
9!
He sees him, eyes reflecting the night sky, a dark colour Jeongguk could just get lost in it.
8!
He shoves, not giving a damn about the protests he hears from the people around him and runs, runs, runs.
7!
Taehyung looks back at him. Jeongguk runs even faster.
6!
Taehyung smiles. Jeongguk trips.
5!
He saves himself, muttering apologies for once. He can see Taehyung giggle, spilling his drink in the process.
4!
Taehyung takes a swig as he steps towards Jeongguk.
3!
Jeongguk sees Taehyung stumble as he tries to walk towards him.
2!
Jeongguk is closer and he can see him clearer now. His skin has paled, and his chest is heaving.
1!
Jeongguk feels time stop for a second. For a second he can catch his feet. For a second he can hear the telltale pop of the fireworks. For a second he can see Taehyung smile.
0!
Taehyung's smile fades, eyelids drop, and body falls. Jeongguk catches him before he reaches to the ground, eyes widening as feels Taehyung against his torso.
People around him are screaming, celebrating. The fireworks boom, splattering against the dark sky like spilled paint. Jeongguk freezes.
"Taehyung?" he whispers as he straightens him up.
"Taehyung!" a slightly higher, distressed voice calls out to them.
Before Jeongguk can think, the man reaches for Taehyung but Jeongguk grips on tighter.
The man looks up to him, "What happened?"
"T-Taehyung—he fainted, I think—he—," Jeongguk pants.
"Let's get him in, okay?"
The man looks at him, eyes soft and reassuring. It's comforting, Jeongguk thinks, as he nods and carries Taehyung inside.
He settles Taehyung on the couch, letting himself sit on the edge because Taehyung's body is slender enough to fit him. He brushes Taehyung's bangs away from his forehead, taking in his features like he always does. For a second, Jeongguk can pretend, in some insane part of him, he can pretend that Taehyung was sleeping peacefully, that he hadn't just fainted in a crowd of drunken college students. He could pretend that they were back at their dorm, that it was just another night where Taehyung would claim that he couldn't sleep and take his place next to Jeongguk for slumber and the younger would just stare. For hours he would just stare at Taehyung.
"Jeongguk, right?" he hears the man say. He flushes once he turns around and he sees the man pointing a finger towards him.
Jeongguk nods, "And you are?"
"Jimin," he answers.
Jimin. Oh. Oh. This was Jimin. The one Jeongguk was jealous of just a few hours ago.
"Oh," he replies dumbly. He was never one for small talk; he always had Taehyung do that for him.
"You're his roommate, right?" Jimin asks.
"Yeah," he says, taking a glance at Jimin.
"People are gonna start crowding in here again, and Tae's gonna wake but he's gonna be really sleepy. Just, take him home, okay? Take care of him and all, yeah?"
"Yeah," he says immediately.
Taehyung stirs. His eyes open a slit and his hand moves to Jeongguk's, grabbing his as hard as he can.
"Guk," he whispers. Jeongguk can barely make out his voice.
"Hyung," he turns, kneeling down on the floor. "Do you think you can get up?"
"My head hurts," Taehyung whines.
"I know," Jeongguk says, gripping Taehyung's hand even more.
He pulls him up slowly, and even then Taehyung groans, mumbling something about the world spinning. He holds both of Taehyung's hands, guiding him to stand on his two feet.
"C'mon, hyung," he nudges Taehyung's temple with his own lightly, "Let's get you home, alright?"
—
When they get to their dorm, feet stumbling upon each other as they pass the threshold, Jeongguk lays Taehyung in his own bed. He doesn't know why, but the more flawed part of his brain tells him it's because he's drunk, at least a little, and he's letting his body go on autopilot. Maybe if Jeongguk tried hard enough he could convince himself that he wasn't the one controlling himself right now. He could convince himself that he wasn't the one that helped Taehyung out of his clothes and into more comfortable ones, that he wasn't the one that tucked Taehyung in, that he wasn't the one to turn off the lights, slip into the space Taehyung unintentionally (Jeongguk doesn't know) left for him, and held Taehyung tight, studying the rise and fall of his chest with the moonlight filtering in the background.
If he really, really tried, he could convince himself that he wasn't the one that hadn't kissed Taehyung that night.
—
Taehyung wakes with sunlight beaming at him through the opened curtains.
He groans, rolling over before he completely regrets it. His head aches, as if a drill had ran through it and he was currently in the process of feeling the effects. Everything is making too much noise, the birds chirping, someone's lost footsteps. It makes his head throb, letting his hand rest on top of his forehead.
He opens his eyes and the first thing he notices is that he's not in his room.
That isn't new. Taehyung has woken up in odder places. Jeongguk's bed was as familiar as his home. What's new is that there was no one next to him. Jeongguk never woke up earlier than Taehyung, Jeongguk always slept later than Taehyung anyway.
Taehyung finds himself stretching his hand towards the empty space. It's still a little warm which means Jeongguk couldn't have gotten too far. Taehyung sighs, closes his eyes for a second.
And then he feels sick, he feels his feet drop to the ground, running towards the bathroom by itself. He launches at the toilet, spilling out whatever the hell he'd digested last night.
He coughs once he thinks he's finished. His hand grabs onto the sink as he stands up. He washes his face, brushes his teeth, and when he looks into his own eyes he remembers what happened last night.
Or, at least, fragments of what happened
Taehyung's memory provides him with snippets of last night, intense stares and proximity. He remembers Jeongguk's hand on his waist, forehead resting on his, and if Taehyung would just tilt his head a little more forward he could taste Jeongguk's lips. Before he could, Jeongguk pulled away. The last thing Taehyung remembers before that one too many drink was the loss of warmth on him, Jeongguk's warmth.
"Hyung?" he hears Jeongguk call in the room.
Taehyung groans, flushing the toilet and wiping whatever landed on the seat with soaked tissue paper.
Jeongguk opens the door to en suite bathroom when Taehyung turns.
"Hyung," he repeats, and Taehyung's head throbs.
"Stop," he says, he knows he's being mean, but his head hurts from all this noise he can't seem to find.
Taehyung pushes past Jeongguk, patting the younger's shoulder just to tell him that he's not really mad. And he faceplants right back into Jeongguk's bed.
"Hyung, you puked," Jeongguk says.
"I know," Taehyung says back, voice muffled into the sheets, "Hangover."
It's quiet for a while, Taehyung thought for a second that Jeongguk had given up and decided to wait until Taehyung had the ability to smile sunshine again. But then there's the sound of plates being placed down, water tipping into a cup, and a lid popping. Taehyung hugs the pillow he rests his head on and buries his face into it.
"Taehyung," Jeongguk calls again, placing a glass of water on the bedside table.
"What," he says, turning his face around to squint at Jeongguk.
He's met with a shy smile, Jeongguk's face is flushed, and his hand holds a small pill.
"Aspirin," he declares, "To help the headache."
Taehyung makes himself get up, arms stretching as he pushes against the bed to land his back on the headrest.
He swallows the pill offered by Jeongguk, gulping down the entire glass of water before putting it down on the table again.
Jeongguk nods at him when he's finished, more to himself than at Taehyung. And he grabs the glass again.
"I made breakfast. And you better eat it to get over your hangover," he says. Taehyung thinks he's cute that he thinks he can tell him what to do.
"I'm fine, Guk. I just need to sleep," he says.
Jeongguk eyes him for a moment, something unsaid at the tip of his tongue left from last night. Taehyung feels tense from his gaze, suddenly feeling exposed. Had what he remembered really happened? Was there something he forgot? Taehyung's blacked out before but this had yet to be the most confusing one.
Taehyung blushes when he catches Jeongguk's gaze on his lips.
"Okay," Jeongguk looks up when he speaks. "You can sleep after you've eaten and drunk lots of water."
Jeongguk doesn't let him respond. He just leaves the door open for him to walk through himself. It leaves Taehyung to think, really think about what happened, or rather what could have happened.
His fingers trail over his lips, wanting to find something, just anything of some substance that could clear his now cloudy thoughts.
"Hyung!" Jeongguk shouts.
Taehyung drops his hand.
—
Taehyung tells himself to calm down, that in no circumstances must he burst into Jeongguk. Taehyung is missing something, some snippet of last night his memory had somehow managed to not process. Something important he had forgotten.
He's seated at the dinner table, munching on a bacon sandwich Jeongguk was told was good hangover food. The younger sat opposite him, pouring Taehyung's glass of water over and over, every time it empties.
He remembers two things clearly: one, it was New Year's Eve, now currently New Year's day, and two, they were at a party. There had been drinks, there had been music, there had been bodies pressed against bodies (Taehyung's body pressed against Jeongguk's body). He knows that much but when he thinks more, tries to test the capacity of his brain, he short-circuits. His head throbs even more, his body feels sore, and overall he just feels exhausted.
He tries to catch Jeongguk's gaze again, wants to see what really happened last night. But the younger keeps his eyes busy. He plays with his food, checks his phone, and stares at his nails. They land everywhere but Taehyung's and the longer he stares the harder Jeongguk tries to look away.
Taehyung bites his lip, grabbing the glass of water to gulp down the rest of its contents before slamming it on the table. Jeongguk stretches for the water jug but Taehyung catches his hand before it reaches.
"Jeongguk," Taehyung says, firm, eyes devotedly at Jeongguk's.
When Jeongguk looks up to meet Taehyung's gaze, he immediately drops Taehyung's hand. His face blushes, eyes turning to the side.
He reaches for it again, but he doesn't grip onto it, he merely grazes his fingers against Jeongguk's skin.
"Jeongguk," he says, soft and careful. "Look at me."
Jeongguk follows, for one second his gaze is heated on Taehyung, and then he blinks away.
"What happened last night?" Taehyung asks.
There's a pregnant silence for a while, neither of them talking because it was Jeongguk's turn to answer and Taehyung knew Jeongguk needed time to collect his words. He stays patient, finger's rubbing against Jeongguk's palm to soothe the younger.
"You fainted," Jeongguk says first. "Jimin hyung helped me get you in."
"Jimin was there?" he says out loud.
Alright. Okay, he remembers that now. Jimin had been at the party with them, Jeongguk had joked about Taehyung going home with him. He remembers.
"Yeah," Jeongguk says and pauses for a moment, "...you don't remember?"
"I do now, that you've mentioned it," he says, raising his hand from Jeongguk's to rest his cheek into his palm. He closes his eyes, feeling his head still aching. He needs more aspirin.
"How long was I out for?"
"Not long, probably less than five minutes," Jeongguk says, and when Taehyung opens his eyes again, Jeongguk is staring at him. His face hoards an expression of worry, eyes glinting up at Taehyung's once they meet again.
"You shouldn't drink that much hyung," he starts, grabbing the jug of water to pour Taehyung another glass, "you scared the shit outta me."
He chuckles lightly, "It wouldn't be the first time."
"You mean this happened before?" Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, nothing but concern on his face.
"Mhm," Taehyung hums, grabbing the glass to drink and places it down again. "Don't take me as a lightweight, though. I needed much more alcohol last night to deal with—um," he pauses, taking in what he was about to say. He remembers flashes of Jeongguk and his lips merely centimeters away from his, his body moving against Jeongguk's to whatever song played at the DJ's command. He sees flashes of their cheeks pressing at each other when they move closer to whisper. And then he remembers the loss, the confusion, and then black.
"Nothing, I don't remember," he lies, rubbing his head to make it more convincing.
Jeongguk just hums, taking a bite of his unattended sandwich. "D'you think it was important?"
Taehyung's head snaps up, "Huh?"
"What you forgot, or the things you forgot, I dunno," he says swallowing the bread.
"I think...," his voice trails, eyes moving down and now it's his turn to look at Jeongguk's lips. He's dreamt of kissing Jeongguk, that's for sure, dreamt of opening his mouth, letting Jeongguk's slick tongue into his, him humming in pleasure, and maybe, that more human part of him, dreamt of a little more.
Oh, fuck it.
"Jeongguk?" he says, voice uncertain, like stepping into a minefield all by himself with no past experience whatsoever.
Jeongguk makes a noise back, placing his now half-eaten sandwich back to the plate.
"Did we kiss last night?"
A pile of books fall in the distant background but none of them hear it because of the intense silence. Jeongguk's eyes widen in size, staring up at Taehyung, and he feels his entire body blush red. They lock eyes for what seems like eons before Jeongguk finally opens his mouth to speak again.
"I-I—," he stutters, "W-we didn't—no. No."
Taehyung watches Jeongguk visibly deflate in his chair, Taehyung feels guilty.
"Sorry, forget I asked, it was nothing," he says, defeated, letting himself take a bite at his sandwich, a sandwich that Jeongguk made, shit.
"Would you have wanted to?" Jeongguk asks, voice painfully small, too shy for his own good. His face is still burning, and normally, Taehyung would swoon at the flustered Jeongguk but right now, he found himself frozen.
"W-What?" he asks dumbly, swallowing the piece of bread left in his mouth.
He hears Jeongguk curse under his breath before repeating, "Would you have minded if we kissed?" he rephrases.
"W-Would you?" Taehyung squeaks, feeling awfully hot and confused. His headache wasn't making this any easier either.
"I—," Jeongguk hesitates for a flicker of a moment, "No. No, I wouldn't mind."
Taehyung blinks, eyes unmoving from Jeongguk whilst the younger awkwardly keeps his gaze, probably focusing on the top of Taehyung's nose to avoid his eyes.
There's a beat, when Taehyung manages to catch Jeongguk's gaze, when silence occurs, but Taehyung's quick to change that.
"Me neither," he says, voice just above a whisper
Taehyung takes a sip of his water, eyes still on Jeongguk through the blurry glass. The younger is still, eyes in shock and hands firmly gripped on the edge of the table. But when he brings his glass down, Jeongguk evens his hands on the table, hoisting himself up and leaning so, so close.
Taehyung doesn't know how it happens but time begins to quicken, he can only see snippets of Jeongguk moving, closing his eyes, puckering up his lips, his breath fanning over the expanse of Taehyung mouth, and then suddenly the elder finds himself tilting up.
He meets Jeongguk's lips abruptly, miscalculating their proximity that Jeongguk nearly bites into the elder's mouth. It's sloppy at first, Jeongguk is at an awkward angle with the table separating them, so Taehyung stands up. He leans in as much as he can, careful not to spill any water or bread in the process, humming softly as Jeongguk kisses him. The younger brings a hand to cup Taehyung's face, angling him better to deepen the kiss. At that, Taehyung gasps, letting Jeongguk slip his tongue in. He explores Taehyung's mouth, other hand slipping to the elder's sides. Taehyung grabs Jeongguk's hand at his waist, entwining their fingers together. He fists his other hand in Jeongguk's t-shirt, crinkling the material.
They break when they can't breathe. Huffs of breath fill the room as they press their foreheads together. There's a smile tugging at Taehyung's lips that Jeongguk can't find himself to stop his own curling of lips.
"Taehyung," he breathes, hand rubbing softly at Taehyung's nape.
Taehyung hums, eyes still closed.
"I like you," he admits, "I have for a while now."
Taehyung opens his eyes, and it's a beautiful sight. Jeongguk's blush spreads to his collarbones, as much as his t-shirt can reveal. His lips are pretty and pink, swollen from kissing and Taehyung can't help but blush when he realizes that he was the one that made this. He smiles.
"I have too. God, the times I could've spent kissing you like that instead dancing around you like an idiot," he says.
Jeongguk laughs and he's even more beautiful. "I was planning on kissing you last night but you blacked out."
"Oh my god," he says, bringing his hand up to wrap around Jeongguk's nape. "Shit," he says.
He chuckles again, "It's a bit embarrassing, actually. I wanted to kiss you exactly at midnight but I got so many green lights from you I had to go away."
Taehyung giggles, moving his forehead to rest on Jeongguk shoulder.
"Do you know how hard it was to resist?" Jeongguk says, "Damn, Taehyung you looked so good last night it was so hard to keep my hands to myself."
Taehyung starts to kiss at Jeongguk's exposed chest, moving up to his neck, softly biting once and sucking at it before kissing at his jaw.
"Fuck, Tae," he says. "Stop it, we're gonna spill the water."
Taehyung whines against Jeongguk's throat. But with one last peck at the hickey that had just started to red, he smiles up at Jeongguk.
Jeongguk takes Taehyung's grip on his neck and hand off, walking around the table to grab Taehyung by the waist.
He presses his lips on Taehyung's again, and this one's different.
Taehyung doesn't think about last night, he doesn't think about the blinding lights and the sweaty bodies. He forgets about what he remembers and focuses on the now. The kiss that was happening right now, when Jeongguk was pressing him close just like yesterday, except gentler now, like Taehyung was glass, easy to slip away from his hands. Now, when Jeongguk's warmth engulfed him impossibly whole. Now, when his head is aching and he had thrown up the morning before.
He doesn't mind, not when Jeongguk's hands are around him. Not when he feels so special in his touch. Not when Jeongguk's lips are on his, pressing his soft mouth against his smile, unable to stop himself from giggling because of the exhilaration he feels when this is happening.
They let go and Jeongguk is beaming at him, Taehyung smiles back just as much.
"Oh wait," Jeongguk says, like a light bulb just flickered on top of him.
"What?" Taehyung asks.
"I didn't get to greet you Happy New Year," he says, lips frowning. All Taehyung wants to do now is get rid of his pout.
"Oh shut up," he says, shaking his head and presses his forehead on Jeongguk's, "Just kiss me."