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“That one looks kinda like a Guiltylawe.”
Meili’s arm stretched lazily up at the sky, her gaze unfocused as she traced wispy outlines with her finger. The prickly grass surrounded her, digging into her skin. It never cut her, though. They were safe to be around, like the man beside her.
“Nah, see that thing jutting out?” A dark-clad arm encroached upon her vision. “It’s like a horn, but it’s way too big to be a Guiltylawe’s.”
“A Hungry Horse King, then?”
Subaru stiffened. She’d said something wrong — she always did. He was fiddling with his necklace again, but then he laughed. It was a coarse sound that screamed that things were going to be all right. “It does, actually.”
The sun bore down on her, but a gentle breeze kept her cool. A flimsy enough excuse to wear her old assassin’s robe over her clothes. It was too warm, though. She should probably take it off or it’ll get all sweaty and gross. She wrapped it a little tighter around her, her voice softer than before. “That other one looks like a scorpion.”
It should have been the wrong thing to say. It was the wrong thing to say, but she didn’t know how to say the right thing like Beatrice or Emilia, so she was stuck saying things that were a bit less wrong and enduring his weak, wistful smiles.
“I guess it does,” he mused, his words a long, heavy exhale. “How’s she doing?”
The click of a scorpion’s pincer answered him.
“She’s good,” Meili said, sneaking a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. His smile seemed a little sadder than normal. Quickly, she pointed out a house, even though it looked like a tower, as well as a ground dragon, which actually resembled a sandworm. His smile turned knowing, far too knowing for her liking. A bead of sweat dripped down her forehead; she really should take off her robe, as comforting as it was.
His fingers clutched at the onyx-like stone of his necklace. It wasn’t a stone, of course. But she still didn’t know why Subaru looked at it so regretfully yet with so much determination — why he looked at it like he used to look at her, back when she still lived in the dungeons.
Subaru’s voice broke through her thoughts, his tone deceptively light and airy, like the clouds above them. “It really is a perfect day. Thanks for coming out here with me.”
Her hands, sprawled out beside her, turned inwards and clenched the grass, though her face remained impassive. “Yeah.” It sounded lame, even to herself. “But why me?”
Why not Emilia or Beatrice or Petra or Garfiel or Rem or Ram or Otto or literally anyone except the girl who tried to kill him?
This time, his laugh was free. “Does a guy need a reason to spend time with his daughter?”
Her gaze shot right back to the sky, focusing only on the mabeast-shaped clouds, and definitely not on her burning cheeks or the fact that he was technically right. It was only a formality, of course. A kindness to give her a citizen’s rights. She was grateful, but she wasn’t his real daughter. It was pure happenstance that they’d chosen adoption as their method instead of making her a ward of the Kingdom, or just registering her as being born in Lugunica. And the tearful hug they'd given each other after making it official was also irrelevant.
Her palms turned to face the sky again. “I guess not.”
Being out here was nice. The grass, sun, and breeze all felt nice. She’d felt them before, though, and she’d never thought they were nice. What changed?
“Hey, that one looks like a rocketship!”
Subaru’s nonsensical observation brought a smile to her face. “What’s a rocketship?” she asked.
His answering grin was infectious. “Only the coolest thing ever!”
Then he launched into a long-winded explanation about “astrownots” and how the people in his homeland aimed to explore the stars. It was so mind-boggling, she couldn’t even begin to wrap her head around it, but the even more absurd thing was how happy he seemed. No fake laughs, no wistful smiles, just sheer excitement. For the first time, she felt like she was looking at Subaru.
As his rapid-fire sentences came to an end, she fiddled with the worn seams of her robe, her mind latching on to the part that he’d spoken about with the most cheer. It was something that she’d never really thought about, but if it brought such a smile to his face, maybe it was worth seeing more of. Maybe she could smile like that, too.
She couldn’t speak her thoughts aloud, though. Her robe had never felt more constricting. Biting her lip, she shed herself of it, folding it neatly and placing it beside her. Fiddling with her braid, she turned back to him. “Hey, Subaru? I know you’re busy, but some night, can you show me the stars?”
… Ah. She’d said something right, and she hadn’t even tried. Red-faced, she looked away, but not before memorizing the joy on his face, brought on by the stars. Brought on by her.
“I’d love to,” he said. “Tonight?”
She managed a nod. They fell into silence again, interrupting it every so often to point out a funny-shaped cloud or two. The grass poking at her exposed arms felt softer, somehow, and the breeze a little tamer.
As the afternoon went on, however, Subaru fell quieter and quieter. Had Meili said something wrong again? She’d stopped trying, so maybe she’d slipped up? Thinking quickly, she searched for something in the sky to distract him, but his unexpected question stopped her short.
“Hey, Meili, am I… doing all right?”
Her lips parted. What did that even mean? How was she supposed to take that?
Running a hand through his hair, Subaru let out a strained chuckle. “Sorry. Weird question, I know. It’s just… I promised to be there for you, give you a good life and all that, and all of a sudden, I’m in Vollachia.” He looked down at his necklace, running a finger across the simple, silver chain. “I feel like a deadbeat.”
Sitting up on her elbows, Meili appraised him, noting the way he wouldn’t directly look at her. “You’re really beating yourself up over this, huh?”
His hand paused, and for a moment, Meili tensed, but he was soon laughing again. “Yeah. It’s dumb, I know.”
“It's not dumb. Not to me, at least.” Dipping her chin, she took several moments to find the right words. “You didn’t ask to be taken. But I was still scared that… that you wouldn’t come back.”
His shoulders shook at her words. He wasn’t okay — she knew that. But she wanted to make him feel okay, even if she was just Meili and didn’t know how.
“You’re here now,” she said, meeting his dark-brown gaze. The words came out before she could stop them, though they were undeniably the truth. “I’m glad you are.”
She held his gaze for a moment longer before laying back down, relaxing into the soft grass and sitting closer to him than before. At the edge of her vision, she saw the contentment on his face and the way his shoulders lost their tension. Her smile grew, a little bit.
When they finally went home, hours later, her old robe was left behind.