Archive of Our Own

soobin scanned the name list that was hung on the wall, it didn't take him long, eyes going straight to the top of the list. but it was not his name that he saw on the first line. instead he saw kang taehyun's.

kang taehyun. he stared at the black letters which seemed to look back at him, mocking him. his eyes skipped to the next row where he read his own name: choi soobin. choi couldn't make it to first place, soobin.

he wanted to rip the paper apart. that’s when he heard a scoff behind him, he didn't bother turning around, he knew perfectly well that it was him.

"couldn't make it to the first place huh? this test was pretty easy though..." he heard the boy say with his usual annoying voice.

soobin ignored him and sat at his usual spot on the first row of the classroom. he wanted to punch kang taehyun's mocking smile back into his throat. the teacher gave them back their paper and soobin sighed at the sight of his grade. he could've done so much more. this was the real first important exam of the year. he shouldn't have gone out with beomgyu and yeonjun that one thursday night, he could've studied more. he shouldn't have watched an episode of his favorite show the night before the exam, he should've studied instead. what a disappointment you are, soobin. you should be ashamed.

he will have to do better next time, even better. so no more hangouts, no more light reading, no more tv show nights. he needed to focus on his studies and only his studies.

once classes were over, soobin rushed straight to the library. he sat down at his favorite spot between a window and a shelf full of philosophy books and started studying right away.

…

taehyun smirked when he got his paper from the teacher. he beat him. satisfaction filled his body from head to toe. what a nice feeling. but he mustn't let confidence get to him, choi soobin is going to work even harder because of this. it's going to be even harder to come out on top. speaking about him, the boy was looking at his paper like it was going to start laughing at him any minute.

tsk, can't even accept that he lost for once.

it's not like taehyun never scored better than him before too. it happened maybe twice since the beginning of the year, so taehyun didn’t understand why he looked so unhappy. this one test was a bit more important than the previous ones, for sure, but it wasn’t the end of the world. of course, choi soobin, the model student with a perfect life, wasn't used to failure. well, serves him right.

when the class ended, taehyun watched as his rival rushed out of the classroom, surely going to the library. how annoying. taehyun thought as he rolled his eyes, he wasn't planning on studying tonight but since that idiot decided to, taehyun had no choice but to do the same.

…

after two hours of filling his head with emily dickinson's poems and trying to find an explanation for them, soobin received a text. he took his phone out of his pocket and read the name of his best friend: beomgyu.

did you forget about tonight's hangout?

soobin sighed, for what felt like the hundredth time today, right. he was supposed to come over to beomgyu's apartment to play that new game they have been dying to try. he had no choice but to cancel now.

sorry gyu

have to study

he felt bad as he typed those words, but the sight of his name at the second place on the list came back to his mind and he thought this was for the best. beomgyu would understand.

okay :(

don't forget to take breaks!!

always so considerate. soobin replied with a thumb-up emoji and went back to the analysis of nature and seclusion.

…

taehyun felt bored after studying in the quietness of his dorm room for two hours. he could go to the library and find some research papers that the teachers talked about during the previous lectures. and to add a little spice, he could sit at choi soobin's usual spot just to piss him off. sounds like a plan.

taehyun almost skips along the way to the library. he wanders around the different shelves to find the books he needs before making his way to choi soobin's usual spot. and with no surprise, he sees him already there, nose-deep in his notebook.

"mind if i sit here?" taehyun asks but doesn't wait for an answer before sitting down, loudly dropping his books on the table, on top of soobin's own.

"what the fuck are you doing here?"

taehyun pretends to look around the library before answering "hmmm, i don't know. maybe studying?"

"why here though?"

"it's a pretty nice spot. well, it would be better without the annoying sound of your voice but i guess i have no choice."

"if my voice bothers you that much you are very welcome to sit somewhere else."

"thanks, but i think you might need a little motivation to pass the next exam. maybe seeing me studying so easily might help." taehyun suggests, a smirk appearing on his lips.

"feeling cocky just because you got a better grade than me for once? that's not something i would brag about, but what else can you brag about kang? "

"oh, don't get me started. we'll see who's the one bragging once i come out on top of the list next week."

choi soobin raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. "whatever makes you sleep at night."

taehyun humphs before opening one of his books. his eyes are scanning the words but they don't reach his brain. instead, he's thinking: that's it. we actually said it out loud this time. it became a real competition.

taehyun tries to go back to focusing on the words but his brain is now focused on something else: choi soobin's leg bouncing under the table. it makes the table shake just a tiny bit too much that it becomes annoying. as much as taehyun tries he can't focus on anything else. that is until the other starts clicking his pen repeatedly. i'm going to kill him. taehyun thinks, burning holes through the pen with his eyes.

he can't leave, that would be admitting defeat. no, he has to assert dominance. you want to play this game huh? alright.

taehyun starts to whisper the words on the pages of his book to himself, making sure he's only bothering choi soobin and not anyone else in the library.

at first, he can tell the man is trying his best to ignore him and keep reading his own textbook. but after a few minutes, taehyun notices that he stopped clicking his pen and that he's not even looking at his textbook anymore, instead glaring at the table as if that could make the noise disappear. taehyun tries to hold back a smirk as he keeps reading out loud.

"can you be quiet?" he eventually gives in, not even sparing a glance toward him.

"reading out loud helps me understand better, if it bothers you you can sit somewhere else." taehyun says and then shoots him an ironic smile.

"what are you? ten? and i was there first so you should be the one leaving."

"tsk, what are you? ten?"

choi soobin closes his eyes before inhaling slowly. taehyun could smell the victory coming to him. but he's quickly disappointed because choi soobin takes out headphones from his bag. the cheater!

looks like taehyun's plan failed, he might as well try to actually focus now instead of wasting time.

…

after an hour spent sitting at the same table without, surprisingly, killing each other, soobin gathers his stuff and gets ready to go. it's getting late and if studying is the most important thing to succeed, sleep might take second place.

he ignores kang taehyun and leaves the library quietly, headphones still on his head. the bus ride to his parents' apartment feels pretty long, he tries to remember his speech for tomorrow's class president election as he looks out the window. he has to win. he won't let anyone take that spot away from him. he can't disappoint them.

soobin opens his front door and says "i'm home" to an empty apartment. he makes his way to the kitchen where he half expects someone to have left food for him, but he finds nothing. he opens the fridge, hoping to find some leftovers but he's only met with a milk bottle, butter, and some soda cans. great. i guess this is their way of unknowingly punishing me for being in second place. the black-haired man checks the time and decides against cooking, it's too late to make anything good and he's too lazy to go to the convenience store.

he drags himself to his room and almost starts crying when he sees a plastic bag on his desk. there's a post-it note on top of it that reads: "i figured you would come home late so i dropped by to give you this. yeonjun's mom made it. eat well :) - beomgyu". soobin takes the containers out of the plastic bag to find kimchi jjigae in them. he has never been this happy to eat alone. the dish reminds him of the one his mom used to make him when he was younger. he pretends it's hers.

…

"... and this is why you should vote for kang taehyun to become your class president." taehyun finishes his speech before bowing to the class.

everyone starts clapping and he smiles before sitting down, he's got this. it is now choi soobin's turn to make his speech and the more he talks, the more insecure taehyun becomes. his speech is perfect. he must have worked on it for a while. fuck... i don't want to lose! but if he had to lose against anyone he for sure hoped it would be choi soobin, he must admit that he has great orator talents, even if the thought hurts his pride.

after everyone in the class wrote their pick on a piece of paper, the teacher starts reading them out loud.

"kang taehyun... kang taehyun... choi soobin... kang taehyun... choi soobin... choi soobin..."

the results are close and there are only a few papers left. taehyun almost grips the side of his table.

"choi soobin." they are now tied at 13 against 14. "last paper."

if the last paper has taehyun's name on it, they have to make everyone vote again, if it's choi soobin's, taehyun loses.

the teacher takes her time to unfold the paper, as if she knew taehyun was about to jump off his chair from anxiety.

"and the name written on this paper is..."

kang taehyun.

kang taehyun.

"choi soobin!"

no... it can't be…

choi soobin beams and goes to the board to make a short winning speech.

"thank you for trusting me everyone, being class president is so important to me and i'm glad to represent you all. i will not disappoint you."

taehyun's eyes stay glued to the board where his name has one less vote than choi soobin's, hoping he can change the results with his mind.

he has to get a better grade than him next week, he can't lose to him two times in a row.

…

when soobin arrives at class the following day he doesn't expect kang taehyun to be sitting in his usual seat. now what is he trying to achieve here? the black-haired man decides to sit on the seat next to him, reluctantly, seeing that it is the only spot left on the first row. he could sit further away but he focuses better at the front. and kang taehyun must have found out and tried to sabotage him.

"you like me so much that you want to sit next to me now?"

"oh, you wish. i actually chose this seat because i can't see your annoying face from here."

kang taehyun looks taken aback and finds nothing better to do than glare at him. soobin snickers before turning his head towards the front of the class where the teacher just arrived.

and that's when a war starts. not a physical war... an answer war. the two students almost talk above each other to answer the teacher's questions first.

"excellent answer mister kang taehyun..."

the latter looks at soobin smugly.

"...though I think mister choi soobin's answer is more pertinent here."

kang taehyun's face drops as soobin smiles proudly.

and this goes back and forth during the entire hour. no other student in the class dares raise their hand to answer the teacher's questions. the two in the front are too quick anyway. it's almost like they are participants in a game show.

"well... thank you for being so active in class today. i think the two of you could've easily taught the class by yourself." the teacher jokes before leaving for his next class.

the two of us? thanks but i'll pass. soobin thinks.

…

"i've heard something from a guy in your class, sunwoo. apparently, you're fighting with choi soobin for the imaginary 'best student spot'?" asks kai from his seat across taehyun on their lunch table.

"are we getting famous?" taehyun asks, raising his eyebrow in disbelief. "but to answer your unofficial question: yes, it's true. though i don't really know why or how it started."

"so how does it go? are you like... racing to answer the teacher's questions first?" asks kai, mockingly.

taehyun scratches his head. "well... you see..."

"what?" he bursts out laughing. "but what's the point?"

"i don't know... he pisses me off. he's always used to having everything given to him on a silver platter, guess i want to change that."

kai looks at him, confused. "okay... i hope it goes... well? i guess."

"you don't have to pretend to support me."

"i am supporting you! i'm just not quite sure i understand everything."

"it's okay. even i am not quite sure i understand."

"anyways, are you free tonight? i found a new ramen place i want to try."

"tonight? i can't... i..."

"have to study?" kai guesses. taehyun nods. "it's fine. we'll try it another time i guess."

"are you sure?"

"yeah. i know studying is important for you... to beat choi soobin or whatever. i guess this will force me to study too. socrates and platon are killing me."

"i wish i could help you."

they spend the rest of their lunch break chatting happily about classes and the latest gossip about celebrities until it's time to go back to class.

this time, when taehyun arrives, he notices that choi soobin managed to arrive before him and thus, taking his seat back. argh... how annoying, he thinks as he goes back to his usual seat, on the third row.

the teacher arrives a few minutes later and writes something on the board: "is the 'unreliable narrator' a betrayal of the reader, or a deeper truth?".

"okay, today we're going to debate over this topic. you will split into two sides. i'll give you twenty minutes to prepare your arguments on your own and then eight of you will come to the board and debate."

taehyun happily takes out his notebook, he always loved debate classes, and this topic is very interesting.

he quickly writes down his ideas and thinks about what the other side could say as counter-arguments so he's ready to argue back. once the time is over, the teacher asks if there are any volunteers for the "deeper truth" side. taehyun raises his hand right away, along with a few other students. the teacher picks four of them, including him and then asks for volunteers for the "betrayal of the reader" side. choi soobin raises his hand this time.

oh this is going to be fun.

"alright, the eight of you can come to the board. i'll give you ten minutes to debate but you can go for as long as you feel the need to. i'll stop once it gets too repetitive."

taehyun almost floats like a cartoon character on his way to the board, already thinking about winning this debate against the class president.

he discusses with his debate mates the order they should go in and the teacher orders their side to start.

"my team and i think that the unreliable narrator is an excellent plot choice. it adds to the depth of the character while making the reader interact more with the story so that they're forced to try and find clues to depict the truth. it challenges them to think more critically. we can use the example of 'the catcher in the rye' by salinger, the narrator is unreliable because he is emotionally unstable, possibly depressed and he constantly contradicts himself. during the whole story we see him lying to others but also to himself." starts minjeong, one of taehyun's debate mates.

"and what makes this narrator choice great is the fact that his unreliability makes the novel raw and real. it makes us understand more clearly the pain the narrator is going through and how the world looks through his eyes. it's an unusual point of view for a story." taehyun continues.

"great example." choi soobin starts. "however, my team and i think that the unreliable narrator is a betrayal of the reader. indeed, when we read a book, we want honesty. a reader puts their trust into the narrator and tries to relate to them and understand them as they follow their journey through the story, but the narrator being unreliable breaks that trust and makes them rethink everything. when reading a story, that is not a detective story, the goal isn't to try and search for clues. an unreliable narrator is manipulative and undermines the relationship between the author and the reader. you used the example of holden in the 'catcher in the rye', while you think his point of view makes the story more real and makes the reader understand his pain better, we think that it actually makes it harder to understand what is truly going on. because how are we supposed to engage with a narrator who doesn't even trust himself?"

"in this example, the unreliable narrator simply makes the story more complicated to understand as it gives a distorted point of view. now let's take the example of an intentionally unreliable narrator: humbert in 'lolita' by nabokov. in the story, humbert tries to manipulate the readers into sympathizing with his criminal and pedophilic behavior. he romanticizes his obsession with a child and uses beautiful language to justify his terrible actions. now, this is the dark side of the unreliable narrator: they use language to distort morality. it's dangerous." continues renjun, one of choi soobin's debate mates.

"while i see why you would think that, it is the reader's role to stand their ground and not get influenced by the narrator that easily. this is a great example of a book where the reader must think critically and not just accept what's written out for them. that tension is the entire point of the plot: it's controversial and forces the reader to create their own opinion on the narrator's actions." counters hanbin.

"the unreliable narrator is a narrative device, sure. but it also risks alienating the reader. if i can't trust the voice guiding me through the story, then what's the point? it's like building a house on quicksand. at some point, it collapses." rebuts choi soobin.

"or maybe that collapse is the point. maybe it's not about comforting the reader, maybe it's about making them uncomfortable enough to ask the right questions. stories aren't all made to be safe and easy." taehyun says, casually.

"that sounds nice in theory." choi soobin says with a fake smile. "but in practice? just lazy writing disguised as depth. it's a trick to cover up weak structure to me."

taehyun raises an eyebrow, suddenly more focused. "and yet some of the most celebrated literature does exactly that. are you calling nabokov lazy? orwell? brontë?"

"i don't think that's-" minjeong tries to intervene but is quickly cut by choi soobin's sharp response.

"no. i'm saying some authors trust their readers enough to guide them through the story, while others treat them like puzzle solvers. it's the subtle difference between storytelling and showing off."

"maybe it's not about showing off. maybe it's just about being several steps ahead of your readers but also your narrator. but... i understand why that would frustrate you."

the class goes still, the teacher looks up from her notes.

"and what's that supposed to mean?" asks the class president.

"not everyone's comfortable being outmaneuvered."

there's a long pause before the teacher clears her throat.

"all right... let's stop here. interesting discussion, maybe we can come back to that point in next week's seminar." she smiles nervously.

taehyun goes back to his seat as people start to whisper things he can't catch. at least he got the last word.

…

not everyone's comfortable being outmaneuvered.

not everyone's comfortable being outmaneuvered.

not everyone's com-

"hey. you're good?"

soobin snaps out of his thoughts and sees beomgyu looking at him worriedly. his notes have been abandoned, and he notices that he's been crushing his pen between his fingers, almost breaking it.

"yeah, i'm good. don't worry. just lost in thoughts..."

"what's up with you these days? is that only because you didn't place first on your latest exam? there has to be something else."

soobin sighs. it should be just that. he himself doesn't know why he's so affected by the situation. kang taehyun has been haunting his mind day and night these past few days and the fact that their next exam is tomorrow is not helping.

"there's this guy in my class, the one who got first place, he's insufferable. it's like his only goal in life is to piss me off. i can't stop thinking about him and his annoying face."

beomgyu raises an eyebrow at his best friend.

"so you hate him but you can't stop thinking about him? that sounds a bit contradictor-"

"I know! i wish I wasn't thinking about him. but it's like he threw a spell on me or something."

"sounds romantic."

soobin puts his face in his hands, desperate.

"you watch too many romance movies."

beomgyu snorts. "and you, care about that guy too much."

soobin checks the time on his phone to see that his next class starts in a bit less than twenty minutes. i gotta get there before he does.

"I have to go! see ya!"

"what? but you start in twenty minutes!"

"and i have to get there early, bye!"

soobin doesn't see the look of disbelief beomgyu throws at his running figure. he arrives at his classroom and notices that his seat is thankfully empty. haha, beat him. he smiles.

a few students from his class are sitting in a circle in the back of the class, in an animated discussion. he hears his name so he stops at the door frame, trying to stay quiet and hear what they're talking about.

"... soobin... first..."

"but...exam...taehyun..."

taehyun? what are they talking about?

"move."

he freezes and his classmates immediately start whispering to each other to keep quiet.

couldn't he arrive a minute later! soobin's eyes roll towards the ceiling as he goes to his seat, kang taehyun right behind him.

the whispers continue for the next twenty minutes but he doesn't catch anything. what is up with his classmates whispering behind his back? he feels strangely watched and he doesn't like it.

…

when soobin gives his answer sheet to the teacher the next day, his hand is almost shaking. he studied so much for this exam, haunted by kang taehyun's mocking smile. he better score first this time. he has to. though he doesn't even know who he's doing it for anymore.

when he exits the classroom, kang taehyun catches up to him.

"ready to see my name on top of the list, once again?" he asks.

soobin rolls his eyes before retorting:

"feeling confident? keep your good spirit before the truth comes to slap you in the face."

"don't act like your hands weren't shaking when you gave your paper to the teacher."

"i didn't know you liked to pay attention to me kang. do you care about me that much?"

"just checking if i have at least a tiny reason to be scared, but i guess not, choi." he scoffs before turning to a different corridor.

aaaaah, i hate him. one day i'm going to make that pretty smile of his disappear.

wait. pretty? what is wrong with me?

this exam turned my brain to dust…

…

when taehyun walks towards his classroom the next day, he hears the loud voices of his classmates.

"see! i told you he would win! you owe me fifteen bucks."

"damn... i really had hope... it's okay there's still-"

"shh! i think someone's coming."

taehyun enters the classroom and is hit with silence. all his classmates awkwardly stare at him, trying to act like they're not. what is up with them?

he tries to act casual as he sits down at choi soobin's usual seat but his classmates are creeping him out. taehyun takes out his computer to start studying. their next class starts in an hour but he wanted to get there early for some reason (definitely not to steal choi soobin's seat).

he tries to focus on what he's reading but his classmates' whispers and giggles are getting louder. what on earth can they be so animated about?

he turns around and sees that they're all either on their phones or their computer, exchanging knowing glances. all of this while trying to contain their laughter. that is definitely weird. why are they all suddenly friends and he isn't part of it?

"hey, sunwoo. can you lend me your computer real quick? mine just died." taehyun lies after closing his laptop.

"uh? oh, sure." his classmate answers, slightly taken by surprise.

he looks like a deer caught in headlights, this has to be about me.

taehyun approaches the back of the classroom where the rest of the class is sitting and they all try to discreetly hide their screens. sunwoo hands him the laptop and taehyun goes back to his (choi soobin's) seat after thanking him. in fear of whatever he was doing being discovered and in fear of taehyun finding out he was doing something he shouldn't be doing sunwoo probably tried to look casual, thus, not closing his tabs. i should be able to find the cause of all this ruckus easily…

taehyun opens the reduced tabs and is met with a google form. his eyes shoot up to the title which reads "choi soobin vs kang taehyun, the irl academic rivals to lovers".

he quickly scrolls down the page and sees polls where all the questions are regarding him and choi soobin. he can feel his cheeks heat up as he reads the questions.

who is going to get the highest grade on the literature exam?
choi soobin (51%)
kang taehyun (49%)

who will win the next debate?
choi soobin (37%)
kang taehyun (63%)

who is secretly in love with the other?
choi soobin (45%)
kang taehyun (55%)

will they realize they're into each other before finals?
yes (23%)
no (77%)

do you think they are actually enemies or more like lovers?

taehyun doesn't get to read more, because sunwoo arrives behind him and closes the laptop.

"uh... ignore that! haha."

but too late. he has his answer. him and choi soobin are the new hot topics of their classmates. heck, they're even betting on them and shipping them!

"what the fuck is that?" taehyun asks.

"hm... something you weren't supposed to see. it's just some lighthearted joke, don't mind us."

"yeah, it's nothing. don't tell on us to the class president please." one of his classmates says, making everyone laugh.

taehyun ignores them and asks "who published that?"

everyone starts avoiding his gaze.

"doesn't matter, it's not like i care about this kind of childish things. y'all should focus on your grades instead of that."

he can tell from their facial expression that they're not going to stop but what can he do about it? this is so embarrassing that it's best for him to ignore it.

except he can't ignore it.

"will they realize they're into each other before finals?"

what, in their dynamic, made them believe they were into each other? this is so embarrassing. taehyun wants to hide under his desk and never come back up.

these rumors will probably die down after a few days, yeah, nothing to worry about.

he tries to ignore the red in his cheeks as choi soobin enters the classroom, he doesn't even spare him a glance.

no snarky remarks today? soobin asks himself, sitting down two seats away from his rival, finding it useless to try and get his own seat back.

the class is strangely quiet today, unlike the past few days when everyone was whispering behind his back. he's glad.

the debate teacher arrives and the class is quickly asked to work on another topic. this time it will be less structured and everyone will be sitting in a circle, like a chill and friendly conversation.

"alright everyone, let's start the debate now, the topic is: is it the duty of american writers to confront the nation's historical injustices? you may start."

the debate goes smoothly, everyone happily takes part and they almost forget they're in a classroom.

"yes, i think that if authors ignore the darker sides of american history, such as slavery, genocide, and injustices, it's almost like they agree with what happened. i don't genuinely think they agree but it's important to acknowledge the truths, if not it diminishes the events and the people who suffered from them." soobin says.

"it's more than just acknowledgment though. authors have the power to rewrite history, to challenge dominant narratives. they shouldn't just confront injustice, they should reframe who gets to tell the story." kang taehyun continues.

"yes, exactly. we need more stories written from the point of view of the oppressed, like toni morrison in beloved. you can't just romanticize a story without-"

"without questioning it. yes, that's the point." kang taehyun nods.

everyone looks at them like they've grown a second head and soobin almost joins them. did kang taehyun just agree with me? and while making perfect sense too.

they argue more on the topic before the teacher ends the class, congratulating everyone for their good work. they put the tables and chairs back in their place and two of soobin's classmates rush to sit on the first row, leaving only the seat next to soobin's usual one, where kang taehyun is sitting. great.

he sits next to the brown-haired man and can't help but say something to him:

"your arguments weren't terrible today."

kang taehyun raises his head and smirks. "careful choi, people might think we get along. you don't want to disappoint those who are betting we're enemies."

"what? betting?" soobin asks, frowning.

kang taehyun simply snorts before turning back to his notebook.

whatever, he's just saying nonsense to annoy me. soobin thinks and he regrets complimenting him.

…

if taehyun and soobin could bear to share the same space without throwing snarky remarks at each other before, now it has become impossible, to their classmates' dismay.

everyone thought that their competition wouldn't go out of the classroom, but it managed to reach the running track. soobin listens intently as the teacher gives them the instructions.

"endurance laps. remember, this is not a race, this is to work on your stamina. you stop, you're out!"

soobin thinks he's doing pretty well, he's not really fast but at least he's not getting tired too quickly, unlike some of his classmates who are already walking instead of running. but apparently, kang taehyun decided that he wasn't doing pretty well because as he overtakes him, he looks above his shoulder for an instant and says:

"maybe you should stick to debating, not running."

and he's smirking. soobin is fuming. this hits him like a slap in the face. how does he make running look so easy!? as much as he knows he's going to regret it later, soobin picks up the pace, overtaking kang taehyun with a competitive glare. this rivalry is making him do stupid things.

he hears kang taehyun snicker from behind him.

"you sure you wanna do this?"

and soobin doesn't answer, trying to keep up his pace.

"okay." kang taehyun says before overtaking him again, looking effortless. "try to keep up, genius."

their classmates' focus is suddenly on the two men, watching their every move with amused smiles.

soobin tries his best to keep up with kang taehyun, they're elbow to elbow, almost pushing each other. he knows he's going to get tired soon, but he doesn't want to give kang taehyun the satisfaction of beating him. soobin manages to overtake the other by a few centimeters but the brown-haired man easily gets rid of the distance between them.

"show off." soobin mutters.

"this is me jogging, by the way." he says, voice dripping with confidence.

soobin wants to punch him, maybe that would stop the sarcastic comments and make him lose at the same time. but a competition isn't a competition anymore if cheating is involved.

he's getting out of breath, his legs hurt and his heart is beating so fast that it might burst his ribcage open, but he keeps going. their classmates are dropping one by one, but he pushes himself faster, ignoring the ache in his legs and the sweat sticking his hair to his forehead.

they're the only two left, soobin's vision is getting blurry and his throat is dry.

"if you can't keep up you shouldn't try." kang taehyun says after a quick look in his direction.

soobin knows that talking will do more bad than good to his already burning lungs but he replies:

"i won't let you think i'm falling behind."

"oh, but you already are."

that awakes something in soobin, he surges forward as his body screams in protest, driven by pure spite.

the teacher blows the whistle, announcing the end of the laps. soobin and taehyun both stop, hands on their knees, panting and gasping for air. soobin lets himself plop down on the grass as every single one of his muscles are trembling. kang taehyun lies down next to him, trying to catch his breath.

"you-" he gasps, "you're actually-" he wheezes, "insane."

soobin glares at him through his soaked wet bangs.

"you started-" he takes a heavy breath, "it, you dumbass."

"but- you kept- huhh- going."

"you two! i said it wasn't a race!" their teacher exclaims with furrowed eyebrows.

they both stumble to their feet, apologies ready to slip but they get cut before they can:

"though... i admit that was really good, and you held on for longer than your comrades so can i even be mad... i like when students push themselves above their limits, keep it up."

they sigh in relief, ignoring the fact that they got praised thanks to the other. but deep down, they know that they pushed themselves harder because the other was watching.

…

today is the day of the results. taehyun remembers his classmates' poll and suddenly feels a little uneasy. choi soobin was winning according to 51% of them. taehyun is, he hopes, going to prove them wrong, if not, there's still the next exam, in three days.

he feels deja vu when he enters the classroom and goes straight to the result paper.

top row.

1. Kang Taehyun 99%
2. Choi Soobin 98%

he almost jumps in victory but refrains himself, trying to look cool and all that. haha, take this choi soobin. he thinks, doing a little celebration dance in his head.

talking about the class president, he makes his way to the result paper with big steps.

taehyun waits for him to check the results before saying anything. choi soobin's face becomes dark for a split second so taehyun takes it as his cue:

"well, well choi. you're consistent. i guess you can be proud of that."

choi soobin stands stiffly, glaring at the results board.

"you know, i was almost worried this time, i thought you might actually beat me." he says with a mocking tone.

"i almost did." choi soobin says, flatly.

"yeah, almost. maybe if you didn't half-assed your prep, you'd stand a chance. what do you do? skim your notes and then nap for half a week?"

"i don't-"

"hey, no judgement, some people are just... naturally lazy."

choi soobin doesn't respond, jaw tight. taehyun can see his fists clench on his bag strap. he turns and walks away without looking at taehyun. no retort, no sarcasm, just silence. taehyun watches him go, confused. he didn't think this would get him so worked up. well, who cares? if he's not studying enough he doesn't deserve to be in first place.

…

it's late at night and soobin is in his room, not able to fall asleep, or more like stopping himself from falling asleep. his desk is a mess of pens and papers.

he highlights almost the entirety of his book, he rereads every single study paper he can find, rewrites all his notes, drinks coffee, rewrites them again.

lazy.

he watches youtube videos on the exam topic, looks for more research papers, drinks coffee again.

lazy.

when he stops studying, it's morning, his eyes are bloodshot.

"you okay soobin?" asks yeonjun when he sees his friend almost falling asleep at lunch.

"yeah. i just had a hard time falling asleep last night." he lies.

"you stayed awake all night didn't you?" beomgyu says rather than ask.

soobin doesn't answer.

"you know it's bad, you're the first one to say it." his best friend adds.

"i know but... i had to. it seems my usual efforts aren't enough anymore."

yeonjun sighs and asks: "what's the point of studying all night if you're going to fall asleep on your exam paper?"

"i won't. i drink coffee."

"is this supposed to make us worry less?" beomgyu asks. "please, take care of yourself soobin. school is not worth damaging your health, and neither is kang taehyun."

soobin knows they're right. but if he can't get first place by studying as much as he does, what else is he supposed to do?

he spends another sleepless night, high on coffee and driven by madness. the word lazy stuck on loop in his brain. he's hunched over his notes, only illuminated by his desk lamp and his digital clock that reads 3:42.

"what did we do to deserve such a lazy son? i wish we had a daughter instead."

"what? you got only 87%? stop lazing around and study! what's so complicated about that!?"

"you're such a disappointment."

"you could do so much more if you even tried. if you weren't so lazy."

he presses his pen tip too hard on the paper and leaves an ugly stain. he keeps writing, again and again. another paragraph, another sentence, another note, another page. he pours himself another cup of coffee before opening a new tab on his laptop, the screen almost blinds him, his eyes are dry no matter how many times he blinks.

"lazy? we'll see who's lazy now."

his hand hurts but he keeps writing as the dark blue of the sky fades away to leave room for the sun to rise.

…

"choi soobin?"

…

"choi soobin-ssi?"

…

"soobin-ssi!"

choi soobin jumps, almost falling from his seat. he looks around, brows furrowed.

"oh. yes?"

"it's your turn to read. if you want to sleep, do it outside of my classroom please." the teacher says.

taehyun looks at the class president suspiciously. it's extremely unusual for choi soobin to sleep in class. and it's even more unusual for him to not be able to read the text properly, skipping words and barely articulating.

upon further inspection, taehyun notices that choi soobin's hair is an unusual mess, his eyes are red and he has huge eye bags.

tsk, he's so insufferable. he came second place and yet he still went out to party?

"i saw soobin at the library yesterday, he borrowed like six different books at the library... is he studying like crazy because he came second again?" taehyun hears one of his classmates whisper in the back.

"for sure... he wants to take the first spot back." replies another classmate.

wait. no, it can't be... because of what i said?

taehyun suddenly feels a knot in his stomach. did he go too far? did choi soobin stay awake to study because of what he told him two days ago? no, there's no way. the class president is always the first one to remind his classmates never to pull all-nighters, even to study. but then, why...?

he gulps. that was not his intention, yes he wanted to piss him off, but not to the point he would drive himself crazy. should he say he's sorry? he doesn't even like him though, why would he say sorry? and his classmates would go crazy and make another stupid poll. he decides against it and goes back to focusing on the teacher who is explaining the next graded work they will have to do.

"it will be a group assignment. and, hide your happiness, i'm going to make the groups myself."

great. taehyun thinks. i'm going to be paired with an idiot and will have to do all the work myself.

except he doesn't get paired up with an idiot, no, worse than that.

"kang taehyun with choi soobin."

the class suddenly goes silent, except for a few "oh"s. the teacher doesn't waste time and continues to announce the groups but taehyun doesn't hear anything else. this is going to be the worst group project of his life.

"that's it, now, focus on tomorrow's exam first but keep in mind that the due date is in two weeks!" the teacher says before leaving.

taehyun sighs, he has no choice, everyone is already discussing with their partner. he stands up reluctantly, what great timing it is to assign him work with choi soobin.

"uh... you heard the teacher?" taehyun asks, hesitant.

"how could i not?" choi soobin asks, full of sarcasm.

taehyun decides not to comment on his attitude and instead asks him when they should meet to start.

"how about the day after the exam? it's a saturday."

"okay, what time?"

"nine sounds good."

"nine? that's too early!" taehyun protests.

choi soobin rolls his eyes at him.

"so what? working in the morning is better."

"no, i prefer working in the afternoon." taehyun answers sharply.

they stare at each other, waiting for the other to give in, but none of them do.

"how about 1pm then? not too early, not too late." choi soobin asks, clearly annoyed.

taehyun agrees and doesn't wait a second more to go back to his seat. what a good way to start. if they can't agree on a simple meeting time, he can't imagine how hard it's going to be to agree during the project.

…

they agreed to meet at a cafe, making it easier to do a group work than in the library where they would have to stay quiet.

soobin arrived five minutes early and decided to start reading the assigned articles. after ten minutes, still no sign of his partner. he huffs and puffs and starts highlighting important parts. he checks the time on his phone once he's done and he still sees no sign of kang taehyun: 1:07pm. so this guy is really there only to ruin his life it seems. he orders a coffee and starts to outline the documents.

at 1:16pm the door of the cafe opens to let kang taehyun in. he orders something at the counter before sitting down.

"oh, you already outlined everything?"

"well, maybe i wouldn't have if you had arrived on time."

"chill, we have the whole afternoon before us."

soobin takes a deep breath to stop himself from hitting the other in the face.

"anyway, now that you're finally here, i suggest we start."

"so we're doing your version i guess?"

"i didn't think you were capable of ideas, so yeah."

kang taehyun glares at him before taking out his laptop.

"we need to decide which book to cover."

"i already thought of a few ideas." soobin says, handing him his notes.

the brown-haired man scans the paper before giving it back.

"hmm, how about these?" he shows him his own notes.

they have zero titles in common. they spend the next fifteen minutes arguing over which book to pick, covering the silence of the empty cafe. no this one doesn't quite fit. this one's better.

this one is boring.

this one is too long and dense.

too controversial.

too obvious.

in the end, they agree on a novel that was on neither of their lists. they discuss what they should do next but taehyun notices that choi soobin isn't fully there with him. he's slow, his eyes aren't quite focused. at some point, he drops his pen, picks it up, and drops it again a few seconds later.

"have you slept at all this week?" he asks, feigning nonchalance.

"i'm fine." he says, but asks the waiter for another coffee.

"sure. whatever." taehyun replies, rolling his eyes.

their exam is in the past now, he's old enough to know he should catch up on some sleep. taehyun is not going to care for him.

they keep working until the cafe gets too packed to stay focused and decide to continue on their own, saying they'll meet up another time to discuss what they found. taehyun is surprised they managed to agree on that, parting ways with the two of them alive and non-guilty of murder.

…

it's the last class of the day, everyone is getting tired and the class barely listens to mr lim going over a critical analysis, except for the two at the front. soobin actively participates, always making interesting points. kang taehyun rolls his eyes, annoyed at the other answering questions a little too perfectly.

after yet another observation, kang taehyun decides to counter him. soobin disagrees with him and keeps on defending his argument. they begin going back and forth, suddenly gaining the class' attention.

"okay, great, but this is not a debate club." mr lim says, trying to draw the attention back to himself.

he starts talking again so the two men decide to continue arguing, but this time in hushed voices. it could've gone unnoticed if their classmates weren't so quiet and if their voices weren't getting louder after each argument.

"that's enough! both of you, you will stay after class and clean up the classroom." the teacher finally snaps.

this immediately shuts them up but their classmates don't miss the killing stares they throw at each other during the rest of the lesson.

once the classroom is empty, except for the two of them, they get to work. the silence is heavy, only interrupted by the sound of chairs getting stacked, a little too violently.

at some point, they almost bump into each other.

"can you stay out of my way?" kang taehyun says sharply.

"i don't know if you noticed, but this is a classroom, so i don't exactly have a choice."

"well, we wouldn't be here if you stopped trying so hard to be the teacher's pet." he says, dropping his stack of chairs in a loud bang.

"actually, we wouldn't be here if you hadn't acted like a five years old." soobin replies dryly.

he starts wiping the board aggressively, imagining what it would be like if he just threw the eraser in kang taehyun's annoying face. sadly, he thinks that shutting the other up for a few seconds isn't worth getting detention again.

they finish wiping the floor and the classroom looks spotless. soobin grabs his bag with annoyed movements and stops at the door to say:

"next time, keep your mouth shut."

kang taehyun huffs, throwing the rag into the trash. "next time, try not to be an ass-licker."

soobin's hand stops on the doorknob, he looks like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't. he walks out, not sparing a glance in the other's direction and slams the door.

kang taehyun stays behind for a little while, staring at the closed door with a clenched jaw.

"so annoying." he mutters under his breath before leaving the classroom.

…

"so how's your 'competition' against choi soobin going?" kai asks taehyun on their way to their dorm.

"terrible, dude. we have been paired up for a graded assignment and guess what? it counts for 50% of our final grade! worst part is we have totally different work methods, and points of view on books and we even have a hard time agreeing on a time to meet. this is the worst thing that could happen to me."

kai laughs before patting his best friend on the back. "at least if you manage to agree you will be sure to get a good grade." he smiles.

taehyun sighs. "i hope so... and actually you know what's worse?"

taehyun tells him all about the polls he saw on sunwoo's computer and kai bursts out laughing.

"oh my god i wish i was in your class! this is hilarious. where can i sign up? i'm quitting philosophy right now, literature's more fun."

"are you- kai, this is serious! it's embarrassing!"

"why would you even care about that? they're not bringing it to your faces. i think you're embarrassed because you're scared it might be true." kai singsongs.

scared? taehyun isn't scared! there's nothing to be scared about because this isn't real. their classmates are just stupid.

"you can't be serious right now? why would it be true? we can't stand each other!"

kai shakes his head, trying to contain his laugh. "sure. you might want to stop blushing then."

taehyun tries to think of a counter-argument but all he can mutter are some stupid syllables that his brain can't seem to put together to form a correct sentence. he humphs and starts walking faster, leaving an amused kai behind.

him? liking choi soobin? and he's the queen of england! how could he like his unbearably smart, spoiled, and arrogant ass? he'd rather let him have a higher grade on all the next exams than even think about that.

…

they meet at the same café two days later, this time soobin doesn't have to wait for the other because he is surprisingly already there. he can see him sitting at a table in front of a wavy-haired guy with a face worthy of being in a museum. kang taehyun has friends? now that's a surprise.

the wavy-haired guy sees soobin first and taps kang taehyun on the arm, nodding toward him.

"i'm gonna get going then. good luck!" he smiles at the two of them before getting up.

he hugs kang taehyun and kisses his cheek before leaving the café and soobin raises an eye at the scene.

"right, bye hueningie!"

soobin rubs his eyes in disbelief, did kang taehyun just speak nicely to someone? no, not nicely, cutely.

"boyfriend?" soobin doesn't even know why he's asking before he can stop himself.

kang taehyun's smile drops and he's back to his cold demeanor.

"i don't think that's why we're here for." he answers sharply.

"right, sorry."

so obnoxious. soobin thinks.

"let's review each other's drafts." kang taehyun says.

soobin nods and they both quickly get to work on their respective laptops. the class president takes a sly pleasure in leaving detailed comments all over kang taehyun's document. from "what's your point here?" to "THIS MAKES NO SENSE", he can't help but smile as he imagines the other getting annoyed at him.

except when he goes back to his draft to see what the other is doing, he sees that more than half of it is highlighted in orange, and according to the key on the bottom of the page orange means "boring".

"what is your fucking problem? i spent my whole night on this!" soobin exclaims frustratingly.

"not my problem if it's boring. my question is: where did you see that my draft didn't make sense? can't you read?"

"tsk, you're always so arrogant, thinking you're better than me."

"well, the latest results show that i am."

soobin aggressively sip on his americano, ignoring the annoying boy in front of him.

"at least i can write a section without adding useless things to seem better than i actually am."

the other throws bullets with his eyes. they're never going to finish this assignment, it will never work. soobin takes a deep breath, he knows he has to be the bigger person with this asshole.

"anyway, let's try to cooperate. this is only for a short period of time and the grade is important to both of us."

kang taehyun has the audacity to roll his eyes but mutters a "fine".

"okay... i rewrote the ending analysis, you made it too vague."

"i wouldn't say vague... i'd say elegant." kang taehyun replies, smiling a little too politely.

"elegant doesn't matter if there's no thesis."

kang taehyun ignores him and continues to live comment soobin's google doc.

sentence emotionally dead.

dramatic.

do you hate commas or...?

"try to rewrite it if you're so unhappy." soobin says after seeing so many new additions to his doc.

"just look at mine, i think it's better."

"of course you think it's better since you wrote it. but fine."

soobin starts typing on kang taehyun's doc again, in all caps.

IS THIS A METAPHOR OR A TYPO?

"hey! i was so proud of that one!"

STOP SAYING PERHAPS AND COMMIT TO A POINT.

"i thought i shouldn't try to look better than i actually am?"

"well try harder."

from another corner of the cafe, sunwoo, chaewon and renjun try to spy on them behind the cafe's menu.

"they're fucking fighting in the footnotes." notices chaewon.

"do they know how hilarious they are?" asks renjun as he takes out his phone and takes a picture of them. he sends it to the class group chat, the one without taehyun and soobin in it obviously.

he adds: we are directly witnessing the downfall of their academic marriage.

"i hope they never resolve their tension. it's the highlight of my week." says sunwoo.

later that night, taehyun goes back into the doc and accepts all of choi soobin's suggestions. he deletes all his previous petty comments and adds a new one at the end: "fine, your version is not that bad."

he sees choi soobin's cursor moving right away as he types: "you're welcome."

…

"kang taehyun, choi soobin, you're on cleaning duty! please pick everything up and put it in the storage room." their gym teacher announces.

they share an annoyed look before sighing. they hear their classmates snicker as they start picking up the cones and the rest of the material they used today.

they stack up the things in silence, what is up with them always having to clean up things together?

once they're almost done, they hear the door of the storage room slamming behind them. the two men turn around abruptly just to hear the sound of a door lock.

taehyun tries to open the door, but it's useless.

"locked. of course."

"great." choi soobin mutters.

they hear muffled laughter from outside and they can only guess that this is a scheme from their classmates. very mature.

"great, we've officially become the class' personal circus act." taehyun says, defeated.

choi soobin sits down on a box, folding his arms before saying: "i'm pretty sure you're the reason we're always a sideshow"

that makes him scoff. "pardon?"

"you're always so loud and dramatic. if you just stopped trying to prove something every day."

"that's rich coming from you." taehyun snickers.

choi soobin stands up and walks closer to him: "at least i'm not doing it because i crave the spotlight like you."

"and yet, i'm the one in first place aren't i?" he counters, stepping forward too.

"must be exhausting, to be an attention seeker like you."

"and you? always acting like you don't care but i can see that you're just as needy of attention as me. you're just jealous because you fail to get it."

"stop pretending like you know me." choi soobin says, fists clenching.

"oh i really don't. and i don't want to. one thing i know though, is that you're naturally insufferable."

taehyun barely finishes his sentence that the taller grabs him by the collar, face distorted by fury.

"say that again."

"i can keep going for hours if you insist: insufferable, arrogant, annoying, needy-"

"oh, you're one to talk." he scoffs.

they're a few centimeters apart now. tension rising in both their bodies as their eyes throw bullets at each other.

"why do you always feel the need to get under my skin like this?" taehyun asks, voice a little lower.

"why do you always give me a reason to?"

they don't say anything else for a second, they just stand there staring at each other, choi soobin's hand still fisting at taehyun's shirt collar.

but the door suddenly bursts open.

"alright, show's over!" announces the annoying voice of kim sunwoo.

taehyun grabs choi soobin's wrist and forces it away from him. they break apart like opposite magnets and pretend that their classmates didn't just catch them a few centimeters apart, staring at each other intensely. taehyun arranges a box that didn't need to be arranged before walking out stiffly.

"told you they would either try to kill each other or make out... but, i think they did both?" renjun whispers to sunwoo as choi soobin exits the room, cheeks red.

…

the events from yesterday are still fresh in taehyun's mind as he walks to the campus. he subconsciously touches his collarbones, where choi soobin's hand had grabbed his shirt.

his chest tightens. they were so close, so close he could have counted the other's eyelashes. what would have happened if sunwoo and renjun hadn't opened the door at that moment?

his phone dings, bringing him back to earth.

"the results are there! " taehyun reads in their class group chat.

he doesn't want to wait until he's in the classroom to check so he opens the results on his phone, his heart already racing in his ribcage. he prays to the sky and above that he got the highest result, this streak would be extremely satisfying to shove in the face of the class president.

he opens the document and his heart stops.

Choi Soobin 100%
Kang Taehyun 97%

not only did choi soobin beat him but he also got a 100%!? taehyun can feel his heart shrink. he thought he would beat him again. he thought... that he was finally good at something.

he puts his phone away and keeps walking, trying to hold his head high but it doesn't work. he spent these past few weeks walking around campus with confidence, knowing he was the best in his class. he finally felt good. he finally felt proud of himself. but everything just got crushed.

it must be nice to be good at everything. he wonders how happy choi soobin must be right now, how his parents probably hugged him, showing how proud of him they are. but him... he's back to the shadows, at number 2, while choi soobin gets to shine.

he arrives in class and as expected, everyone is standing in front of the result board.

"did you see that? soobin beat taehyun."

"no way. seriously?"

taehyun stands behind them, staring at the score like it betrayed him. that should've been me.

"huh?" he hears a voice behind him.

he knows it's choi soobin.

"i'm first?"

"don't act so surprised. it must be nice right? to be back in the spotlight?"

"uh...." choi soobin hesitates, not really sure what to say.

"i've been coming first for a while now, keeping a nice streak for more than a month. and how many people noticed? none. but the moment i come in second place-" he tries to calm his trembling voice. "suddenly it's news. but you. what do you even have to prove, huh? your life is all perfect. what more do you need? why are you making this hard for me? why can't you let me have something for once?"

the class is completely silent now, everyone is listening to them. choi soobin looks uncomfortable, not even enjoying his first win in a while but rather, standing still, looking at taehyun with a frown.

"whatever, enjoy your win." he spits, sitting down at the back of the class and putting his headphones on.

"well... looks like we just got the academic divorce happening in front of us." whispers sunwoo.

"their love story is worse than 'the remains of the day', even stevens is less emotionally constipated than them." chaewon sighs.

taehyun wants to bang his head against the desk. why did he have to break down in front of the whole class like that? now everyone is going to know... know he's deeply afraid of failure, know he's jealous of choi soobin.

…

their next work session is awkward. while they usually bicker and try to annoy each other as much as possible, this time, it's dead silent. they're the last two in the library and the clock reads 23:31. the only sound you can hear is their fingers against their keyboards.

soobin doesn't know why, it's probably the lack of sleep and also the fact that it's getting late, or maybe it's the dim lights illuminating kang taehyun's tired face, but he wants to say something. their last conversation happened five days ago and during those days, soobin hasn't been able to stop thinking about what kang taehyun said. soobin doesn't think he deserves what has been thrown in his face but he feels bad nonetheless, kang taehyun looked really affected by the situation. he can't change the results, obviously, but maybe he can try to cheer up the other? even though he really doesn't look like he wants to hear anything from him, soobin feels that need to make things better.

"hey? hm... i just wanted to say..... i'm sorry? about the other day. and... it's not because i got first place that it makes you bad in any way. you said it yourself: you have been first for months. don't underestimate your capabilities. i always envied you, you know."

soobin feels like he said too much, but seeing the other so vulnerable made him feel like he should reassure him. it's his duty as the class president after all, right?

kang taehyun looks surprised. he doesn't say anything for a while, his big eyes piercing through soobin's own.

"i appreciate it but... you didn't have to. i'm just... stupid. you didn't deserve what i said, you beat me fair and square, there's nothing wrong with that. i'm just stupidly scared of failure and seeing you first made me break down. i'm actually the one who always envied you."

something shifted. the atmosphere is still tense but, not like it was before. now it's charged with something else, something soobin has a hard time naming. he offers a small smile to the other and they go back to work.

they manage to finish their session before the library's closing time so they pack their things and leave. before soobin can start walking to his bus station, a voice stops him.

"i'm sorry too."

soobin nods, thankful.

"and, you're not lazy. you never were. i shouldn't have said that."

soobin doesn't get to respond because the other starts walking away. he looks at his figure, disappearing in the dark street. did kang taehyun just apologize? weird. soobin snaps out of it and makes his way to his bus stop, the tiny hint of a smile on his lips.

…

things are different. their study sessions are less tense now, they don't disagree as often as they used to and when they do, they usually find a middle ground. it's relieving, taehyun feels more motivated to work now.

"argh... this chapter is way too long." sighs the class president, lying his head on the table.

taehyun checks what chapter the other is talking about and winces, it's the one he's been avoiding since the beginning of the project due to its length but also very specific vocabulary. but they have to outline it, it may be one of the most important documents on the topic.

taehyun has a little idea of what could motivate them.

"let's bet. whoever finishes outlining it first gets a coffee from the other next time." he offers.

a mischievous smile takes place on soobin's lips. "feeling generous today? is that your way of apologizing?"

"maybe."

they seal the deal and immediately start scribbling furiously. they are getting way too serious about it, as if they had something to prove. soobin is typing faster and faster while taehyun leans closer and closer to his laptop, muttering under his breath.

they keep taking glances at each other's notes, trying to get ahead of each other. the tension rises, their pens start clicking louder and they turn pages a little too aggressively.

at one point, taehyun smirks and "accidentally" bumps soobin's pencil case off the table. soobin raises his head to glare at him, taehyun looks away, acting innocent.

"oops."

"you're the worst." soobin says as he picks up his pens.

and taehyun wants to smack his head against the closest wall because he can't stop what comes out of his mouth: "you love it."

soobin looks up, caught off-guard. are they this casual now? for a second, neither of them moves, as if that would undo what taehyun just said. the latter clears his throat and looks back down, feeling a blush making its way to his cheeks. soobin slowly goes back to his outline and they don't say anything else for the next thirty minutes.

finally, after a dramatic touch on his keyboard, soobin proudly announces that he's done, raising his laptop in victory.

"no way. let me see. you probably just wrote 'chapter five: something good happens'."

soobin turns his laptop around, showing a perfect outline, a smirk dancing on his lips. he follows the way taehyun's eyes move from left to right, nodding from time to time. he sighs but a smile is adorning his face. he looks impressed.

"fine, you won. coffee's on me."

"and a muffin." soobin says, grinning.

"don't push it, choi." this time, soobin's last name doesn't sound venomous.

"you offered, it's too late to complain now."

they both smile. genuine smiles. for the first time, studying doesn't feel like they're walking on eggshells. it feels... fun.

the enjoyable silence is quickly cut short by soobin's ringtone. he checks the caller id and freezes. "mom". his voice is almost inaudible as he excuses himself outside. taehyun's eyes follow him curiously. he looks anxious. he wants to ignore it, who is he to be worried about him? but soobin looks more and more down as the phone call goes on. his eyebrows are furrowed and he keeps running his hand through his hair frustratingly. after a few minutes, the frustration leaves place to sadness? taehyun's not sure. soobin hangs up but he stays outside, looking into the void.

this arouses curiosity in taehyun. does he not have a good relationship with his mother? the class president massages his temples and takes a deep breath before entering the cafe again. taehyun has the decency to pretend to be immersed in whatever is going on on his laptop.

soobin quietly goes back to his notes, the light atmosphere from before has completely vanished. they don't joke around anymore and stay focused until the end.

they have to walk together for a bit, until they have to part ways for soobin to take his bus and taehyun to walk back to his dorm. the walk back is quiet, a little awkward even.

"sorry about that. i don't exactly have the best relationship with my parents, so whenever they call it's never happy."

"it's alright. it's not your fault." taehyun offers him a small smile. his hand makes a small move, as if he wanted to pat him on the back but he quickly puts in back down. if soobin noticed, he doesn't show it.

"well... see you tomorrow." taehyun says.

"yeah," soobin nods, "bye. and don't forget about my muffin!"

"yeah yeah sure." he replies, feigning annoyance.

…

"and you're telling me it's not a date?" asks beomgyu from his spot on soobin's desk chair.

the latter is trying hard to find an outfit that would fit the occasion but nothing seems to satisfy him.

"it's not! we're working on our project."

"and to work on that project you need three hours to choose an outfit? why don't you dress like you usually do?"

"because!" he says for lack of a better reason.

beomgyu snorts. "oh my god, you're ridiculous. are you trying to impress him?"

"no... maybe..."

beomgyu raises an eyebrow at him.

"i just... want to feel more confident. he always reeks of confidence and, maybe, i want to intimidate him a little."

"i see... so you're trying to assert dominance or something?"

"don't make it sound weird! but we still have this rivalry thing going on i think... so it's not because we can be in the same room without killing each other that i'm going to be nice- what are you doing?"

beomgyu continues typing frenetically on his phone as he answers: "oh just telling yeonjun-hyung how ridiculous you're being."

"of course you are." soobin says, rolling his eyes.

he ends up picking an outfit (finally!) and once he's done putting it on beomgyu carefully inspects him.

"damn! you might make him fall in love right there! if that's not the case already."

"is it too much?"

"no, it's perfect! enjoy your date!" beomgyu exclaims, rushing him outside his room.

soobin sighs in exasperation but takes his things and leaves, beomgyu will lock the door behind him with the double soobin has no idea how he obtained.

he arrives at the cafe and sits down on the empty chair in front of taehyun.

"so you can actually arrive on time?" he says with a smirk.

"yeah, i just like to piss you off." taehyun replies, raising his head.

he non so discretely gives soobin a once-over, stopping briefly on the two open buttons at the top of his shirt. soobin's gaze shyly moves to the side as he suddenly starts regretting his outfit choice.

"so... what would you like to drink?"

soobin blushes, remembering beomgyu's words: "enjoy your date!". he makes a mental note to murder him when this is over. this is all he's going to think about now! doesn't this actually look like a date? oh my god.. do the other clients think they're on a date? no, probably not, they have their laptops and-

"an americano?" taehyun asks, bringing his train of thought to a halt.

"uh... yeah. that's fine with me."

"okay, cool."

taehyun gets up to order at the counter and soobin finally releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. stop being weird dumbass! he opens their shared google doc and tries to work on it, ignoring the annoying voice in his head, which weirdly sounds like beomgyu's.

taehyun arrives a few minutes later with a tray that he puts on the table. soobin takes his americano and before he can ask, taehyun pushes a muffin toward him.

"don't mention it."

soobin chuckles before happily taking a bite out of his free muffin. blueberry. he notices. his favorite. they start working and soobin quickly forgets about his previous awkwardness between their usual petty comments.

across the room, two of their classmates spot them. they stare as the two men are laughing, faces a bit close due to the small table.

"oh my god, minjeong look! are they... on a date!?" asks aeri, shaking her arm.

"i'm getting proof, no one is going to believe that!" she says, taking out her phone.

she snaps a couple of photos and the two girls look back at them, giggling.

"look at that one! they look so cute. send it to the secret group chat!"

minjeong quickly types "enemies to lovers real-time update <3" as they try to suppress their laughter.

from their shared table, soobin and taehyun hear both their phones buzz. they look down to see a notification from their class group chat, they both read the caption and curiously click on the conversation. the table immediately turns to silence.

"is that... us?" soobin asks, eyes glued to the picture.

"apparently." he turns around, looking for the culprits.

he sees aeri duck down the table like it's going to help her, while minjeong hides behind the menu.

the two men sit in silence, avoiding looking at each other. soobin sits further away from taehyun, trying to put some distance between them. his computer is on the edge of the table, almost falling. he can't study anymore, his mind is burning from curiosity and confusion. they said "update" like it was a recurrent thing... how long has this been going on? and what made them think that there was something between them? he wants to hide under the table too, embarrassed to even breathe the same air as taehyun now. he shouldn't have worn that shirt too, it makes things ten times worse. he has to get out of here. he tries to act natural as he opens instagram on his laptop and sends a dm to beomgyu: "call me. now.".

he doesn't have to wait more than five seconds until his phone rings.

"yes?" he asks, putting on his best act.

"something urgent came up, can you be there soon?" he hears beomgyu say on the other end.

he thanks whoever gave him beomgyu as a best friend because he didn't even have to tell him anything for him to understand he had to save him.

"something urgent? what?" he repeats for taehyun to hear.

"something with yeonjun-hyung, come here quick!"

"okay, i'll be there in fifteen minutes!"

he hangs up and starts to pack his things. "uh.. something came up, as you heard, i gotta go!"

he dashes out of the cafe, not even waiting for an answer, his unfinished coffee still on the table.

when he arrives at his apartment, he goes straight to his room and plops down on his bed. beomgyu and yeonjun are already there, watching as he hides his face in his pillow.

"so, what happened? did it turn out to actually be a date so you freaked out?" yeonjun asks.

"don't joke hyung! i'm sure this is serious." beomgyu, like the angel he is, says.

"i'm changing school, i will never come back here again." soobin manages to say with his face crushed against the pillow.

"is it that bad?" yeonjun asks.

soobin sits up and takes his phone out, he opens the class group chat and surely, the photo is still there, mocking him. he turns the screen toward his two friends who share an amused glance after checking the picture.

"i know you want to laugh..."

"certainly not!" beomgyu says but his voice cracks at the end and the two men burst out laughing.

they regain their composure after a few minutes and beomgyu says:

"who cares about this? it's just some stupid running gag between your classmates."

"yeah... and it's not like- wait. who's the other guy?"

"kang taehyun. why?..." soobin answers, not sure he wants to hear the rest.

"no way! so that's what kai told me about!"

"who? what?" asks soobin, confused.

"kai, he's a friend from my volleyball club, he also happens to be friends with that kang taehyun guy. he told me that his best friend was the subject of some jokes from his classmates, that they had a whole google doc filled with bets about him and their class president! then... wouldn't that be you?"

soobin doesn't think he could've heard anything worse coming out of yeonjun's mouth.

"bets...? what kind of bets?"

"i don't remember it all but things like "who is going to get first place" or "who will win the next debate", oh right! he also told me that there was a question that said "will they realise they like each other before the finals".

soobin falls back down on his bed, he smacks his pillow on his face and lets out the biggest scream he's capable of.

"you're telling me that all this time... my classmates have been shipping me with kang taehyun!?"

"i guess so..."

"i definitely can't go back to school. this is the worst thing that could happen to me."

"why? he's cute." beomgyu tries.

"cute!? he hates me! and i hate him! actually i don't know anymore..."

"you definitely don't look like you hate each other in that picture." yeonjun points out.

"is that the image we have been giving to others all this time? oh my god..."

soobin gets up and starts pacing around his room.

"i have to avoid him, yes! avoid him! then no more rumors about us and things can go back to normal when we didn't know each other!"

"did you forget about your final project with him or..."

"we don't have to meet for that, we're almost done anyway."

beomgyu gives a confused look to yeonjun who just shrugs, equally confused.

and this is how soobin starts ignoring taehyun. anytime the other sends him a text to ask him when they can work together, soobin answers he's busy. when he tries to talk to him at school, soobin walks faster, acting like he didn't see him. he doesn't even fight him to answer the teacher's questions first anymore.

it's necessary, soobin tells himself. he needs to focus and not let whatever this is get to him. he's not supposed to get along with him, they're supposed to be rivals. and that's how things should remain.

taehyun is confused, annoyed even. and maybe hurt. even though he would never admit it, not even to himself. he put his pride aside to apologize to soobin, only for him to start ignoring him a few days later! just when he thought they would be able to finish their assignment in peace…

he angrily types out a text, hoping he will get an answer this time.

did i do something?

soobin leaves him on read after a few minutes. what the fuck is his problem?

taehyun decides to go to the other's usual study spot at the library. if he doesn't want to text him back he will get a direct confrontation, fine. he opens the door of the library and spots him immediately, exactly where he expected him to be.

he walks up to him, determined. once he's right in front of him, his shadow falling on soobin's notes, the other finally raises his head.

taehyun tries to joke: "so, we're breaking up or something?"

except soobin doesn't laugh, doesn't even roll his eyes or get mad. he just stares at him blankly.

"i was busy."

soobin lowers his head towards his notes and starts working again.

"right. studying?"

"among other things."

"like avoiding me?”

soobin stops writing for a second.

"i didn't realize we had plans."

"i didn't realize i needed a calendar invite to talk to you."

"aren't things better this way?"

"says who?"

soobin doesn't answer.

"i thought we were past the whole... enemy thing."

"why would we?"

taehyun laughs bitterly.

"okay, i see how it is. i'm finishing our assignment tonight. don't dare change things on the document."

he turns back and leaves. that's not how he imagined things would go. that's not how he wanted things to go.

he finishes their assignment, frustrated, but can't bring himself to send it to their teacher. it feels wrong, they're supposed to work on this together. he sighs, almost pulling all his hair out. he reluctantly sends it through email to soobin, adding "review it at least, or add things idk."

he lays in his bed, replaying the conversation in his mind. did he do something wrong? did he cross a line? he thought they were getting along, soobin even opened up to him. they started laughing together, he bought him coffee. did he read things wrong?

taehyun takes his phone and opens the messaging app. soobin's name is still at the top, still no answer from him. taehyun types something out:

you left your pen at the cafe the other day, i have it in case you want it back

his finger hovers over the "send" button. he waits. he deletes it. he puts his phone away and turns the lights off. what is he even hoping for?

when he checks the doc the next day he sees that soobin added a few things and rephrased some of his sentences. he replied to his email saying: "you can send it if you're satisfied".

so dry. so unusual to their latest conversations. he sends the final product to their teacher nonetheless.

the next few days are silent. taehyun notices soobin laughing with someone else, it hurts. he doesn't look at least a tiny bit bothered by the situation.

soobin watches as taehyun makes his class presentation, he looks confident and put together, as always. looks like things are back to normal. except it's not, he feels like he's watching somebody that he used to know.
soobin told himself that silence would make things easier, but all it did was make him feel lonely.

…

the library is quiet, soobin is sitting at his usual spot, except he isn't alone this time. a concerned beomgyu is eyeing him over his laptop.

"you're highlighting like your notes owe you money."

"i'm just focused.

"you're sulking. you've been on that page for fifteen minutes now."

soobin looks up at him with a blank expression.

"i'm fine, really."

"even with kang taehyun?"

soobin's heart skips a beat. he goes back to mindlessly highlighting his page.

"i have nothing to say about him." he answers flatly.

"hmm. so why do you look like a victorian widow whenever you hear his name?"

"i literally don't. stop making things up and let me work."

"sure, but i don't know who you're trying to convince here."

a few minutes later, soobin receives an email from his teacher.

Hi,

I would like to see you both to give you feedback on the assignment you sent me last week. Please come together during one of my office hours. Let me know when you're free.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

PARK Hyunmin

the email was sent to both him and kang taehyun. of course. nothing can actually go his way, not even once in his life. as if on cue, he locks eyes with kang taehyun from across the room. he looks away immediately but he notices from his peripherical vision that the other got up and is now making his way to his table.

once he's standing next to the table, soobin can't ignore him anymore. beomgyu gives him a polite smile before going back to his notes.

"i assume you've read the email?" taehyun says.

soobin nods.

"when are you free?"

soobin knows he has nothing planned for at least three months but he still checks, pretending he has a life. they agree on a time and date and taehyun hovers hesitantly next to the table for a few seconds, as if he wanted to add something. he ends up nodding politely before going back to his seat.

"well, that was awkward." beomgyu says. "you looked like exes who aren't over their breakup."

"can you support me instead of making fun of me please?"

"no. i only support your decisions if they're good."

soobin doesn't argue, feeling too tired for this. but he wonders if he made the right decision.

…

the teacher welcomes them into his office, inviting them to sit. taehyun takes a chair and pushes it a bit further away from the other, putting distance between them.

"alright, i have read your work and i want to start by saying that you did an excellent job. i was curious to see how you would work out if you were assigned a project since you usually don't take the same sides during debates, from what i have heard, and i must say, you surprised me! this was very cohesive. you should work together more often!"

silence. mr park looks between the two, waiting for a reaction, but none of them respond. he starts again:

"however... there's a part that caught my eye. the very last paragraph actually. while it seems you put your two styles together during the whole thing, the end looks out of place. it looks like you didn't take the time to do it together, am i wrong? i won't hold it against you, i'm just curious."

soobin's eyes flicker to taehyun before quickly coming back to the desk.

"hm, yeah. we didn't really have time to see each other. so we worked individually for the ending." he lies.

mr park raises an eyebrow but doesn't comment.

"okay, so nothing is wrong between you two, i'm glad! i liked your work so much that i decided to pair you up again."

taehyun's jaw tightens. soobin's polite smile drops.

"it's not for something big like this, just a simple presentation due in two weeks. i sent you the requirements through email."

the two men nod, not saying a word.

"well, that's all for me. if you have any questions don't hesitate to reach out to me. you can leave. enjoy the rest of your day." he smiles.

they mutter their goodbyes and leave the room. they both stop in the hallway, knowing they have to communicate.

"so..." soobin starts.

"we don't have to work together if you don't want to. i'll just find an excuse for the teacher or-"

"it's... fine. i don't think he will care anyway." soobin says, avoiding his gaze.

"should we head to the library then?" taehyun asks, hesitantly.

"sure."

they sit down, leaving an empty seat between them. this strangely feels like their first study session. so much happened since then, and yet they're back to square zero.

they only talk when it's strictly necessary, splitting tasks or discussing structure. the sky turns dark as the clock ticks, the end of the day getting closer.

once the clock strikes eleven they start to pack in silence. when they reach the exit they notice that it's raining, heavily. they were so focused on their work that they didn't hear it.

soobin sighs, he didn't take an umbrella. he steps out from under the canopy, ready to feel the rain on his face but it doesn't come. he looks up to see a dark blue umbrella above his head.

"wanna share?" taehyun asks him.

soobin stares at him, he hates how his chest warmed up at the offer.

"okay."

they walk together in heavy silence, shoulders brushing from time to time. it's awkward. taehyun bites his lip as he tries to think of something to say, his right hand subconsciously playing with the hem of his jacket. he takes quick glances in soobin's direction, trying to decipher his emotions, but all he sees is a face void of any emotion. taehyun suddenly stops after a while, eyebrows furrowed.

"i'm tired of this. tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it. you can't tell me you actually enjoy this situation."

soobin stops as well.

"you didn't do anything wrong." he says.

"then why do you act like i did? is it the muffin? or is it-"

"no. it's just- it's easier that way."

"to make me think i hurt you?"

soobin pauses, unsure if he should say the words that are burning to leave his lips. but taehyun is right, he doesn't enjoy this situation.

"easier than admitting that i might want something that's not winning." he admits.

the silence that follows is devastating. soobin looks into taehyun's eyes and for the first time he doesn't see anger, he sees pain. pain that he caused.

"i've spent these past few weeks pretending i didn't care about how you saw me. pretending i didn't notice when you stopped making fun of me, when you stopped being annoyed in my presence, or when you started listening. but then you just shut down, leaving me without an explanation or a warning. just pure silence, leaving me to wonder what i did wrong, what i should've done..."

"i... i thought it was the best decision. i didn't mean to hurt you..."

"but you did."

a pause. taehyun pulls back, almost standing under the rain.

"if you want to pretend none of this is happening then fine. but don't act like i'm the only one feeling it."

he forces the umbrella handle in soobin's hand and walks away, letting the rain fall on his face. soobin stands still, torn between the warmth that's spreading in his chest at taehyun leaving him the umbrella and the hurt of watching him go.

he sits down on the bus, the folded umbrella next to him is like a reminder of his stupidity. he picks up his phone, and goes straight to his chat with taehyun. he types:

i didn't mean to

he deletes it. he types again:

i'm sorry.

he deletes that too. he locks his phone and puts it back in his pocket. he leans back in his seat. what does he want? like, truly wants. he asks himself.

it's not the grade, nor the praise, he knows he'll never get that. it's not even first place. at the beginning, it felt rewarding, being first place, being seen by the teachers, his classmates, someone. but then, slowly, it started to feel like a chore, a need to prove himself to his parents. but they never cared. he could be the smartest student in the entire school and they still wouldn't praise him, all his efforts are never enough, so why? why does he continue? he doesn't even know who he is doing it for anymore.

but he has no answer. just a heavy ache in his throat and the tiredness he feels all the time.

he thinks about taehyun. about his voice when he said, "but don't act like i'm the only one feeling it."

he didn't yell, he asked. as if he wanted soobin to choose something. to choose between what he thinks he should be doing and what he wants to do.

soobin runs a trembling hand through his hair and sighs.

his mind drifts to taehyun when he's trying not to smile. when he's explaining something that interests him or when he's half-annoyed but still gives his all to study.

he thinks about how silent it is without his presence, no matter how annoying it was sometimes. soobin, for the first time, lets himself truly feel taehyun's absence and asks himself what it makes him feel like.

it's not the rivalry he misses. it's taehyun. talking to him again. looking at him again, with an ounce of challenge, sure, but also interest.

the deafening noise of his ambition goes quiet. this time the answer isn't deliberate or certain. it's abstract, scary even. and that thought scares him more than any exam ever has.

he doesn't sleep that night.

he tries to study the next day, locked up in his room. but he can't. nothing that enters his mind stays, it's like he has lost all his intellectual capabilities. he looks at the quote printed on a piece of paper that he stuck to his wall about five years ago: the future depends on what you do today. he stares at it, then he breaks. he rips it away from his wall and throws it in his bin as he sobs violently. he puts his hand over his mouth to muffle the broken sounds but it's useless. he cries, like he never cried before, and he can't stop. it's like all the tears he has ever held back are falling now, the tears caused by his parents, by his teachers, by his too-high expectations, by his stupid choices…

it hurts but it also gives him a sense of relief. his shoulders feel lighter.

his phone rings: yeonjun. right. he skipped lunch. he clears his throat and picks up.

"hi." his voice sounds broken nonetheless.

"you alright? you skipped lunch."

"uhh yeah. something came up-"

"are you crying?"

"n-no." that makes the tears come back in full force and he starts crying again.

"hey, what's wrong?" the worry in his friend's voice makes soobin want to throw up.

"i- i don't know. i'm tired..."

he hears some noise in the background, yeonjun seems to be moving.

"you're at your parents' right?"

"yes."

"stay there, i'm coming. see you in a minute!"

he hangs up. soobin's sobs can't seem to stop, his chest hurts, what did he do to deserve such amazing friends?

he stares at his messy desk and suddenly everything looks meaningless. his notebooks, his books, his research papers, his study sheets... that's not what life is all about. he puts on his favorite playlist and starts cleaning up everything. he puts away all things related to studying, leaving only the books he reads for his own pleasure. the sobs slowly die down and soon enough his desk looks less scary.

he hears the doorbell and when he opens the door, yeonjun hands him a helmet, his helmet.

"come on, you need some fresh air."

he takes it with a "thanks", puts on his leather jacket and follows him down to the parking lot where yeonjun parked his motorbike. his friend climbs first, putting on his own helmet. they haven't done this in a while, but his body didn't forget how to properly hold yeonjun in order not to fall. they used to ride together often, until soobin decided to shut himself out and devote his entire free time to studying. he missed it, the feeling of freedom, the speed, the fresh air, a warm body against his, in a purely platonic way.

they stop in front of a ramen restaurant, soobin's favorite ramen restaurant.

"don't think i forgot that you skipped lunch." yeonjun tells him after seeing soobin's surprised expression.

they take off their helmet and enter the restaurant. the smell makes soobin's stomach gurgle.

"order whatever you want, it's on me."

"are you sure? i can pay you-"

"shhh, i'm sure. it's my pleasure, really."

"thank you. and not only for this, for everything."

yeonjun rolls his eyes but soobin can see he's trying not to smile.

"don't mention it, that's my duty as your friend."

soobin chuckles before ordering his usual. they sit down in a hidden corner, soobin's favorite spot.

"sorry, by the way."

"for what?" yeonjun asks before sipping on his drink.

"for abandoning you at lunch."

"oh. it's okay. i figured something must have been wrong. i'm here if you want to talk about it by the way."

soobin hesitates. he never really spoke about his problems to anyone before. but it feels like a good idea right now.

"i think i'm over it." he starts, it's easier to say it when he doesn't directly refer to what he's talking about. "seeking academic validation. i asked myself... does it really fulfill me? do i really need it? want it? are the efforts worth it? and the answer was no. to all of those questions. i mean... my parents have never cared, and i was kind of doing it for them, so... i think it's time i do what i want to do."

yeonjun smiles. "i'm glad you figured that out. studying is great and all but... you really don't need to burn yourself out for it."

soobin nods. "yeah, exactly. i used to enjoy studying, but now it feels more like a duty or a chore... i have to work on that, and stop doing more than what's necessary. getting less than 90% is not the end of the world, i guess."

"it's really not, and your grades don't define you as a person."

yeonjun smiles softly at him and soobin thinks that it will be okay.

he finishes his ramen as they keep talking about different things. he tries hard not to feel bad about the fact that he was so immersed in his own problems that he didn't think about asking yeonjun or beomgyu if they were okay. yeonjun tells him that it's fine, that he never held it against him, and neither did beomgyu. that makes a warm feeling spread through his chest. yes, soobin thinks that as long as his friends are there for him, everything will be okay.

the older pays for both of them and they're quickly back on the road. yeonjun drives without a destination in mind, letting the wind guide them. it's refreshing, soobin's head is empty for once, and his only focus is on the scenery before him.

they stop at a convenience store after an hour to buy a canned drink. they sit on a bench in comfortable silence, the only sounds being them taking a sip of their drink then and there.

"i messed up." soobin says after a while. "with taehyun."

yeonjun puts down his drink and responds calmly: "okay."

"i said some things i didn't mean... and he said some things he did mean. i shut down, breaking the small foundations we had built."

yeonjun nods.

"and... do you want him to text you?"

"yeah." soobin admits, because he's done lying to himself.

"then maybe he wants you to text him too."

"it's not just about texting... i don't even know what we are. it's like one second i hate him and the next we're laughing together and i'm so confused."

yeonjun takes another sip of his drink.

"you don't have to figure it all out right now. but... if it makes you this upset, it's probably more than rivalry."

soobin swallows hard.

"yeah..."

after yeonjun drops him off and waves goodbye he goes back to his room and prints out a new quote for his wall: "the little progress you have made today still matters."

he lays down on his bed and takes out his phone. he opens his chat with taehyun, types something, deletes it, writes something again and this time, sends it.

i didn't mean to shut you out. i've been... not great. just wanted to say that

taehyun is lying on his bed, scrolling without really paying attention to what he's watching, when his phone dings. he almost ignores it, until he sees the name: choi soobin.

he almost falls off his bed, he reads the message and he can't believe his eyes. did the scrolling get to his head? he reads it again after rubbing his eyes but the text is still the same.

he doesn't breathe for a second but he starts typing right away:

you always make things so complicated

anyway, took you long enough

he throws his phone to the other end of his bed as if it was about to explode in his hands. he lies back down and smiles to himself.

…

afternoon classes just finished, it was a bit awkward for the two of them to ignore last night's exchange but they pulled through. before taehyun can leave the campus, he receives a text:

got 10 minutes?

just when he thought the other was back to ignoring him. he responds positively and soobin sends him a location.

he arrives at a bench, where soobin is already sitting, waiting for him. he sits on the other end and starts kicking at some gravel.

"so... i guess we can say that we both suck at communicating." taehyun starts.

"you think?"

"looked like the rewind button on the rival-to-friends episode was stuck. we kept going forward a bit and then taking five steps backward."

soobin sighs.

"you know... i don't hate you."

"wow, that warms my heart."

"i mean it. i just... don't know how to go from being... rivals? to friends."

"i guess we could try talking like normal people. and you know, not freak out when we learn that our classmates are shipping us."

soobin side-eyes him.

"step one would be for you to stop ghosting me like i'm an annoying group project partner." taehyun says as he turns to look at him.

"angry people are not always wise." soobin mutters.

"did you just quote jane austen? this is so not surprising."

soobin laughs softly. they sit in silence after that, and it's... okay. for the first time in weeks, it's okay. not everything is fixed yet, but they can take their time.

they don't talk about it but their classmates notice how they suddenly sit next to each other every day and on top of that, always choose to work together when they need to pick a partner.

they don't even question it, they just automatically turn to each other any time they hear the word "group assignment", like clockwork. teachers don't even ask them who they're going to work with, they already know.

"soobin... with taehyun." the teacher says, writing down before any of them can answer.

"married couple vibes." sunwoo mutters under his breath, making a few classmates laugh.

they don't react but soobin's ears turn just a tiny bit red.

one afternoon, taehyun enters the library and doesn't head for his usual spot. he takes a seat on soobin's usual table, right across from him, and silently slides a coffee cup towards him.

soobin accepts it without question but says:

"they spelled my name wrong."

"be grateful i didn't ask them to write 'second place'."

soobin snorts. he takes a sip and notices that it's exactly his usual order. he doesn't ask how taehyun remembered it but he feels a warm feeling in his chest, something that often happens when he's in taehyun's company it seems.

they work in comfortable silence, murmuring questions to the other now and then. it's so much easier to work together and help each other than being in a petty competition, soobin thinks, but he'll never admit it out loud.

soobin's laptop suddenly dies and he looks at the blackness of his screen helplessly. he forgot to charge it the night before and he obviously didn't bring a charger.

taehyun breaks him out of his despair by handing him a charger.

"how did you..." he starts.

"you looked a bit lost, and your eyes didn't have the screen's reflection anymore so... yeah."

"thanks."

if their fingers touch a second too long over the charger and it sends electricity right through soobin's body, no one mentions it.

the next day, the seat next to taehyun's stays empty. his eyebrows furrow, soobin never misses class. and he didn't even tell him he wasn't coming. that leads taehyun to ask himself: are we close to that extent? would he tell soobin if he wasn't coming to school? he frankly doesn't know.

the day after, still no signs of soobin. some teachers even ask him if he knows anything. while it makes his heart flutter a little that the teacher associates them now, it also makes him morose: because he doesn't know. no, he doesn't know where soobin is, no, he doesn't know if he should ask him, no, he doesn't know what they are, no, he doesn't know what makes him feel so grumpy.

it's only after three days that soobin shows up again. taehyun puts a neatly organized pack of notes on his table. soobin flips through it and notices that everything is carefully highlighted and color-coded.

"did you do this for me?" he asks, eyes warming up.

taehyun avoids his eyes as he says: "yeah, didn't want you to get annoying because you were falling behind."

soobin's voice is softer than it has ever been when he mutters a "thanks". taehyun barely hears it above the sound of his heartbeat, which, for a reason he doesn't know or doesn't want to acknowledge, is extremely loud.

when soobin reads the notes that night, he smiles at all the personal comments taehyun added to make the subject easier to understand.

…

exams are approaching, students barely go out anymore and the library is packed. taehyun and soobin see each other on rare occasions, never really talking, just sharing their space and studying in silence.

taehyun is stressed, there's one topic in particular that he doesn't understand, and no matter how many videos and research papers he reads about it, it still doesn't make sense. he tried to ignore it for a few days, came back to it, hoping it will be more clear, but nope, his brain doesn't want to function. he's going to lag behind if he doesn't understand it this week.

he reads it again and again but he's running on barely five hours of sleep and stress is clouding his usual patience.

"oh my god, i can't believe we have to study that section. it's so easy, don't you think?" soobin says, turning his laptop towards taehyun to show him the very section he has been struggling with for the last week.

taehyun doesn't answer so soobin starts rambling about the topic like it's the easiest thing in the world, he's talking so fast that taehyun's brain might explode. and he didn't mean it. but the lack of sleep, the stress and soobin's way of repeating that it's easy get to him. he snaps.

"yeah, well it's not easy for everyone. not all of us have a monologue ready to answer every question." his voice comes out sharp, way more venomous than he intended, though he didn't intend anything at all.

soobin blinks slowly, and his smile falls. that hurts. he pretends to study for five more minutes before leaving, not saying a word.

taehyun regrets it immediately, but pride is a difficult thing to swallow, and before he can even think about what he should do, soobin leaves.

the next day, the class president doesn't sit next to him. taehyun sighs, he ruined it all, again. he feels extremely lonely as he goes out during their five-minute break, buying a coffee from the machine. guilt. guilt. guilt.

he sits back down but a post-it note stuck to his table catches his attention: you're still the smartest person i know, don't let it get to you. also: get sleep.

taehyun turns to look at soobin but the other isn't looking at him, his attention is on hanbin and aeri. he reads it again. five times. he's 100% sure it's soobin. he's not mad then?

9:00 pm. taehyun is typing, deleting, typing again, then deleting again.

"oh come on, you're not proposing to him!" kai exclaims, tired of hearing the sound of taehyun's phone keyboard.

they do this sometimes, hanging out in each other's room, especially when exams are around and they barely have time to see each other anymore.

"give me your phone."

taehyun sighs but gives in, he's hopeless anyway. kai types something and sends it right away.

"he already saw it. you better think of your next response quickly." he says as he throws him his phone.

he quickly opens the chat to see what kai wrote:

i'm sorry. that was dumb.

taehyun looks at the little dots as soobin is typing.

you were right to call me out. i didn't mean it that way.
i can help you if you still want my help

taehyun sighs in relief. they're fine.

yes please, my brain might explode

"see, communication. isn't that great?" kai asks, laughing.

"oh shut up."

…

it becomes routine for them to sit together in the library, they never said anything about it and just picked up the habit. most of the time one of them buys coffee for the two of them, they both pretend it's nothing. and when they start sitting next to each other instead of face to face, they don't talk about it. and if their shoulders touch the whole time, they pretend not to notice.

taehyun tries to focus as soobin explains the topic he's having a hard time with. he would make a great teacher, taehyun thinks, he's really patient and makes sure taehyun understands everything he's saying before moving to another point. his eyes shine with excitement as he moves his arm around to explain the subject, which seems to fascinate him.

he's cute.

taehyun's heart skips a beat. did he just think about choi soobin being cute? no way. he needs a break, yeah, they have been studying for too long so he's not thinking straight anymore.

"oh and then they- are you still with me?" soobin asks, tilting his head in question.

"uh? oh! i think i got lost a bit. can we take a break?"

"sure. i'm not that strict of a teacher." he replies with a smile. "actually i'm quite hungry, don't you want to grab dinner before we get back into it?"

soobin doesn't realize what his question implies before saying it. but it's too late now. taehyun looks a bit surprised too, soobin guesses from the way his eyes got bigger for a second.

"okay, let's go." taehyun nods, trying to look nonchalant.

they pack their stuff and start walking along the streets, looking for a place to eat. they end up sitting face-to-face in a pizzeria, between couples who look at each other lovingly. soobin can't help but think that this looks like a date. he hopes none of their classmates are there this time…

"what are you getting?" taehyun asks.

"i don't know what to get between the four-cheese pizza and the regina. you?"

"oh? me too! how about we get one each and split?"

soobin agrees, trying to ignore the image of taehyun feeding him a pizza slice that his brain projected to him.

the restaurant is getting quieter as the tables around them progressively become empty. soobin is talking about a book that apparently "changed his life". taehyun listens. he watches how he gestures with his fork, how his dimples show when he tells something he liked in the book. it's nice. he catches himself thinking he doesn't want the night to end. he shifts, flustered, wanting to break his weird train of thought.

"why do you always have to be so neat ? even when we're eating pizza you manage to be proper." he decides to say when he notices that soobin hasn't touched the pizza with his hands even once.

soobin stops and his eyebrows furrow as he contemplates what to do next. taehyun watches as he picks up his straw, dips it in the whipped cream of his milkshake and flicks it at him. taehyun stops, shock all over his face, soobin stops as well, already regretting his action.

"i'm sorry i don't know what took over m-"

he's quickly cut by whipped cream flying toward him. taehyun breaks into laughter as soobin tries to wipe the milkshake from his cheek while trying to contain his laugh. their laughs fill the quiet of the pizzeria and suddenly things are easy.

they exit the restaurant after paying the bill, it's dark outside, they hadn't noticed how fast time flew by. the city is quiet around them, the traffic dies out as they walk side by side on the sidewalk. there's a light breeze, soobin shivers. taehyun quietly takes off his jacket and tosses it at him.

"do you think you're too good to be affected by the cold?" he says, trying to play it off.

a smile dances on soobin's lips as he puts on taehyun's jacket. it smells of citrus and laundry detergent, it's warm and oddly intimate.

"you still have my umbrella by the way."

"oh right! i forgot about it. i'll give it back next time."

they both hear it. next time. they don't comment on it.

they finally reach the street where they're supposed to part ways. the usual one next to soobin's bus stop.

"it's too late to study again." soobin states.

taehyun hums in agreement. "yeah, we should get home."

but none of them move.

soobin starts kicking at a crack in the pavement. taehyun looks at nothing in particular, lost in thoughts. a silent question hangs in the air: do you want to stay a bit longer?

but no one says it. taehyun breaks the silence:

"in case you can't sleep, i'll be up. you know, working on that presentation thing." he puts his hands in his hoodie pockets, acting casual.

"might write some comments in the footnotes. just to annoy you."

"wouldn't expect anything less."

the air is tense. it's like they're both waiting for the other to cross the line, to step forward, or to say something.

taehyun steps back.

"night choi." he lets out, reluctantly.

"night kang." soobin mutters back.

they walk away. they miss how they both turn around to look back, not at the same time.

…

if taehyun notices that soobin wore his jacket again the next day, he doesn't mention it. someone else mentions it though:

"new fashion choice? or should i be congratulating you?"

soobin laughs awkwardly, unsure of what to say. he doesn't know why he wore the jacket again, maybe because it smells nice, definitely not because it smells like taehyun.

"did you go on a date!?"

"no!"

"was it with kang taehyun!?"

"uh... yes? but it wasn't a date!" he argues.

"oh my god. what happened!?"

soobin would like to know why his best friend is so excited at the idea of him going on a date with his rival, but he'd rather not ask, the embarrassment level is already too high right now.

"we were studying and then we were hungry so we ate dinner together. nothing weird."

"and he gave you his jacket? yeah, totally normal." beomgyu ironises.

"i was cold!"

"which justifies why you decided to wear it again today?"

soobin hates how beomgyu looks like he knows something that he himself doesn't.

"you finally went on a date... i'm so emotional."

beomgyu starts wiping imaginary tears, making soobin kick his knees from under the table.

"ouch!"

"it wasn't. a. date. we were hungry, we ate pizza, that's it."

"that's it. but you wanted there to be more, right?"

soobin replays last night in his head: their shared pizza, the milkshake fight, the comfortable conversations, the jacket, them both hesitating before parting ways... sure, he wouldn't have been against them spending some more time together, but that doesn't mean anything. he tells beomgyu that.

"sounds like you have a lot to think about, tell me when you finally put some order in your messy brain."

this leaves soobin to wonder about his and taehyun's relationship. what even are they? colleagues? work partners? friends? something in between? the right question should be: what does he want them to be? more than work partners, for sure. friends? that doesn't sound quite right…

soobin is afraid to explore it more.

the question stays unanswered.

…

after three days of wearing the jacket, taehyun walks up to his table at the library and makes a comment.

"are you planning to give it back or should i start charging rent?" his tone is playful.

soobin freezes and looks down at himself as if he forgot what he was wearing.

"i was late this morning and picked the first one i could put my hands on."

"three days in a row?" taehyun asks with a raised eyebrow, chuckling lightly.

soobin goes back to reading, after rolling his eyes. his red ears betray him though.

"seriously, i didn't know you liked it that much." he keeps teasing.

"i literally don't." soobin answers, not lifting his head from his book.

"okay, you're just emotionally attached to my laundry detergent then?"

soobin keeps pretending to read, though he hasn't turned a page since taehyun arrived. the latter watches him, his teasing smile turning into something softer.

"you can keep it. if you want." he says, suddenly sounding a bit unsure.

the offer lingers between them. more than just a jacket.

"i didn't say i wanted to."

"you don't have to."

for a beat, the tension is heavier than it has ever been. soobin leans in, just a little, as his eyes linger on taehyun's face, soft and searching. taehyun doesn't notice himself leaning in too. it's strange. the silence stretches between them, making the sound of their heartbeat louder. they're so close that one wrong breath might make everything tumble between them. they don't break eye contact for a few seconds until taehyun takes out his books, slightly leaning back. he clears his throat and says:

"we have to finish our presentation."

soobin nods and they get to work, but the moment still hangs there, unspoken.

…

the day of the presentation has come. taehyun and soobin are sitting next to each other as usual (now), waiting for their turn. taehyun notices from the corner of his eye that soobin is fidgeting with his flashcards. he nudges him.

"hey, you're going to do amazing, as always."

a look of surprise flickers across his face. he's still not used to whatever is going on between them. a sarcastic comment would have been more normal.

"oh? thanks."

their presentation goes smoothly, perfectly even. they're in sync, they finish each other's sentences and perfectly defend each other's arguments. if you were to tell someone who didn't know them that they used to hate each other, they wouldn't believe it. when soobin gets a little stressed, taehyun gives him an encouraging smile. when taehyun loses his words, soobin finds them for him. it's like they're sharing a brain.

once they're done, their classmates clap excitedly.

"you work very well together." their teacher can't help but say.

"for real! you should present everything together from now on!" adds one of their classmates.

they look at each other awkwardly, soobin blushes a little as taehyun tries to hide a smile.

they get the best grade in their class, to no one's surprise.

and before anyone can realize it, the midterms are over.

"we survived." soobin sighs with relief as he and taehyun exit the classroom.

they start walking and their feet unknowingly take them to the library.

"oh? we're so used to going there that we end up here even when we don't need to." soobin notices.

taehyun laughs. "i think i'm getting tired of this place. don't you want to go somewhere else? there's a used bookstore not so far from the campus that i wanted to visit."

"i agree, let's go." he nods with a smile.

it's just a casual hangout between friends. nothing else. soobin tries to tell himself as they browse through books side by side, their shoulder brushing from time to time.

"hey look at this one." taehyun laughs as he shows him a book with the most ridiculous cover he has ever seen.

the cover shows two men hugging each other in some kind of futuristic setting. one of them has no arms, instead two big metal rods with curved ends. soobin reads the title and almost chokes "my flawed lover: dildohands".

"who can even buy this!? i would be so embarrassed to read this in public." soobin joins him.

"because you would read it at all!?"

"no!" soobin spits, becoming as red as a tomato.

"i'll know what to get for your birthday." taehyun says, sounding a little too serious, but he raises his eyebrows suggestively toward the other.

"i don't even know if you're talking about the book or something else but please don't."

they move on, still laughing like idiots and this awfully feels like a date.

taehyun catches soobin looking at a poetry book with great interest.

"are you going to buy it?" he asks.

the class president flips it to look at the price and says:

"no, next month maybe."

he reluctantly puts the book back.

once they're done browsing and making fun of weird titles and covers, they leave the bookstore.

"oh, i still have your umbrella by the way! it's in my bag, take it." soobin exclaims as he hands his bag to the other before kneeling to tie his shoelaces.

"i thought it would end like my jacket..." taehyun says.

"you said i could keep it so..."

"i'm only joking. it looks good on you."

soobin becomes a blushing mess and barely manages to utter a "thank you" before taking his bag from taehyun's hands. he starts walking again, faster.

taehyun laughs to himself before jogging to catch up to him. the walk to soobin's bus stop is quiet, but not awkward. fallen leaves crunch softly beneath their feet, filling the silence with something comforting. taehyun smiles to himself as he puts his hands in his pockets. it's nice. how easy it is to be around him. he thinks.

they reach the bus stop after a few minutes.

"well... we won't be seeing each other for a week now." taehyun says, referring to their fall break.

"finally some time without you." soobin says with a teasing smile.

"as if you weren't going to miss me."

there's a beat before soobin truthfully replies:

"true."

taehyun's lips part in surprise and for the first time, he's the one to look away in embarrassment.

"see you in a week! or before, if you miss me too much." soobin says, suddenly overcome by confidence. it's an invitation.

"you're ridiculous." taehyun says, shaking his head.

there's a short silence before he adds:

"but don't be surprised if i show up at your doorstep then."

"you might want to ask me for my address for that." soobin answers with an amused smile.

"right. minor detail." he shrugs. "i'll just text you or something."

soobin looks at him expectantly.

"if i decide i miss you that is."

he turns away, trying to look casual but his cheeks are a soft pink.

"bye!" soobin exclaims to his vanishing figure.

taehyun waves at him, not looking back.

when soobin rummages through his bag to find his headphones, his hand stops on an unfamiliar shape. he takes the object out only to see the poetry book he was looking at earlier. taehyun must have bought it when he told him he was going to the restroom. this traitor. he smiles to himself as he flips through the book.

…

fall break is quiet. kai is visiting his family for the week so taehyun feels extremely lonely. he tries to tell himself that the silence is nice, he can rest, read... but he misses campus life, just a little bit. campus life, or someone in particular at campus... he doesn't know.

he thinks about soobin sometimes, often. he sometimes reads a funny part of a book that reminds him of the other and almost texts it to him. he catches himself humming to some of soobin's favorite songs. but he doesn't reach out. they used to have an excuse when they had group work to do, but this time if one of them texts it will be meaningful. it will reveal something: an unsaid i miss you.

taehyun wonders if soobin liked the poetry book, what his reaction was when he saw it in his bag, and if he thinks about him when he reads it.

why do i even care? argh, this is annoying.

"see you in a week! or before, if you miss me too much." soobin's voice rings in his head.

was he serious or was he just joking? should he reach out? taehyun stops pacing around his room and wonders what is wrong with him. he used to be fine staying alone during breaks. he also used to not care about choi soobin at all. and now he finds himself missing the company of the tall dark-haired man.

he could text. what does he have to lose? taehyun grabs his phone from his nightstand and opens their conversation. his fingers hover over the keyboard as he ponders about what to send.

he types something stupid, an excuse to talk: hey, i lost my red pen, do you have it?

he feels stupid as he looks at his red pen, still very much on his desk. he almost clicks on send when his finger slips, and he presses "call" instead. before he can panic and hang up, soobin's voice reaches his ears.

"hey?"

"sorry, i didn't mean to-"

"it's fine. i was bored anyway."

"oh. me too."

they don't say anything for a long minute.

soobin breaks the silence: "so you ended up missing me?"

taehyun moves his phone away from his face as he bites his lip, trying hard not to squeal. he clears his throat before bringing the phone back to his ear.

"no. i was just... uh... well, my roommate is gone so i'm bored."

taehyun can imagine soobin raising a cheeky eyebrow behind his phone.

"and because you're bored, you decided to call me?"

"i didn't mean to call you, mister big ego."

"that's rich coming from you."

"i knew i shouldn't have tried to reach out." taehyun says, rolling his eyes as if the other could see him.

"so you did want to talk to me." soobin teases.

"well, not anymore, bye."

he almost hangs up but soobin exclaims: "wait! i'm sorry. it's kinda nice to hear from you."

taehyun's eyes grow as big as saucers. damn, did confidence bloom out of him during the last four days?

they talk for more than an hour about anything and everything, books they're reading, how bored they are, how quiet life is when not on campus... soobin thanks taehyun for the poetry book, telling him he really didn't have to. taehyun replies that it's nothing and asks him if he likes it. soobin goes on about the book for at least fifteen minutes, he finishes by saying taehyun should read it.

when they hang up, they don't say "i miss you", but it hangs in the air anyway.

…

fall break is over. soobin is on his way to the campus, lightly humming one of his favorite songs, the weather is much colder now that november is starting so he puts his hands in his pockets to warm them up. to his dismay, he had to give up taehyun's jacket and wear his winter jacket.

when he arrives in the classroom, he sees his classmates clumped together in front of the board.

oh, right. the results. he was so focused on his boredom that he forgot the results were out. he breathes in slowly. whatever the results are, it's fine. i did my best, it's all that matters. he slowly walks up to the board, anxiety forming a knot in his stomach.

choi soobin (94%)
kang taehyun (91%)

oh! even if he feels happy and proud, he tries to mute his giddiness. it doesn't matter anymore. he turns around to sit at his seat but ends up face to face with taehyun, whose lips are in a thin line and his eyes that are usually so lively only show disappointment. soobin searches his eyes, trying to reassure him, but it seems the other is avoiding his gaze. even if their rivalry is gone and soobin managed to work on himself a bit, it seems like results are still extremely important to taehyun.

"hey... it's just one result." soobin says, cautious.

taehyun still doesn't look at him when he answers: "i guess you're the genius now."

"i never was, never thought so. you know that, right?" he asks softly.

the smaller one of the two finally looks up. his eyes soften, leaving place for gratefulness.

"i know... it's stupid. i don't know why but i always feel the need to prove myself. i just want to be good at something and i thought that... that was it."

"you are good. you don't need a number to prove it." soobin says, looking intensively into the other's eyes to make sure he gets it.

and before he can stop himself, he squeezes taehyun's shoulder reassuringly. taehyun's breath hitches in his throat, surprised at the sudden contact.

"something definitely happened between these two during the break." aeri whispers, louder than she intended.

soobin abruptly retracts his hand and looks away, pink slowly creeping up his cheeks. taehyun glares at his classmate who looks embarrassed as she hides behind one of her friends. he walks out of the classroom, jaw tight. why do they always have to ruin everything? is a little peace and quiet too much to ask?

soobin catches up to him, a little out of breath.

"hey, i didn't mean to... let go like this."

"it's fine." taehyun cuts him sharply.

"i just didn't want people to think that-"

taehyun stops abruptly, making soobin bump into him. he turns around in frustration and takes a deep breath.

"it's fine, really." taehyun interrupts.

they fall into step again, going back to the classroom in a silence that feels way too loud.

they don't look at each other as they sit back in their seats, and as the class starts, they don't joke around together like they usually do.

something cracked. they both feel it. but none of them know how to fix it.

…

it stays like that for a week. they still talk, but it’s not the same. it’s more… polite and distant now. the silence is deafening. soobin regrets it. why did he have to let go like that. taehyun must have interpreted that as soobin being ashamed of being seen with him, when that’s really not the case. soobin is just scared. he knows that he’s a coward, everytime things start to look a little too real, he runs away. he sometimes looks at the other with hopeful eyes, praying that things will come back to how they were, but it doesn't happen. it seems like every time they take a step forward, ten steps back follow.

"stop wallowing, we have a party to get to." beomgyu says, trying to get soobin out of his bed.

"i'm not going." soobin says, shuffling back in his bed.

"yes you are. you need a change of scenery, you might even meet someone else and forget about that guy! i think that would be good." yeonjun intervenes.

beomgyu nods enthusiastically.

"why are you saying that like we dated."

"because you're acting as if you were going through the worst breakup of your life. so get up now." yeonjun says.

soobin grumbles but gets out of his bed nonetheless. yeonjun throws a bunch of clothes at him and beomgyu pushes him to the bathroom.

once he's ready, they climb into yeonjun's car.

"whose party is it anyway?" soobin asks, sulking in the back seat.

"some guys from economics, i think. they want to celebrate the end of midterms." beomgyu answers.

they arrive and the house is huge. it's crowded and noisy. there's a little bit of alcohol but nothing too crazy, not enough for things to turn into a bad teenager movie.

soobin's eyes scan the crowd, unknowingly looking for someone. that's when they lock eyes from across the room. taehyun is sitting on the sofa, laughing at something a guy said, a drink in hand and looking as beautiful as ever. his hair is styled back, revealing his forehead and attractive eyebrows. he's wearing a tight short-sleeved black shirt that hugs his muscles perfectly. his laugh falters slightly when he sees soobin. he's not used to seeing him like this: relaxed, not dressed like the perfect student. he looks away.

beomgyu pushes a drink into soobin's hand and tries to be heard over the music:

"ignore him, meet new people!"

soobin nods as his best friend pushes him to the dance floor, quick on his heels. yeonjun joins them and they start dancing to the music. the playlist is pretty good, soobin tells himself as he lets go and starts dancing freely. his friends are right. he should think about something else, someone else.

after a few songs, soobin is thirsty for something other than alcohol. he excuses himself away from the dancefloor to the kitchen. he enters the room and his eyes fall upon a familiar face. taehyun is there, leaning casually against the counter, talking to a guy that soobin doesn't recognize. the stranger is laughing heartily at something taehyun said, leaning on him as to not fall. they're really close. something twists in soobin's stomach but he ignores them and fills his glass with water. he walks away. he shouldn't care, except he sees them coming out of the kitchen, still so close, and going upstairs. he grips his glass harder, as the knot in his stomach becomes awfully bigger. he comes back to the kitchen and swaps the water in his glass for punch. he drinks it faster than he should.

he tries to dance his problems away, tries to talk to a few strangers, but it doesn't fix the hurt in his heart. he considers leaving, but yeonjun is nowhere to be found and beomgyu looks like he's having the time of his life. he sighs and decides to go outside, his head is starting to spin and he's too hot between all these people.

he opens the glass door and steps onto the balcony, closing the door behind him. he leans against the railing, letting his head fall down.

what is wrong with him seriously? he tells himself he doesn't care, but then he finds himself with a stomach twisting in anger? jealousy? and it's not like taehyun belongs to him. he can do whatever he wants, soobin has no say in that. but his chest still feels tight.

he grips the railing harder than he means to. why is taehyun so comfortable with that stranger? why does he let him touch him like this? why isn't soobin the one leaning into him? why does it feel like they're so close, yet so far away? his mind plays back the scene of taehyun smiling with the stranger, and he wants to smash his head against the railing. he should be the one making taehyun smile, he should be the one touching him, laughing with him…

he hates that this matters more than it should. he hates that it's not about grades anymore. grades are easy, whatever this is isn't.

the door of the balcony slides open behind him. soobin doesn't move, scared the newcomer might see the emotional turmoil that he's sure can be read on his face from a mile away.

"there you are."

soobin almost jumps, not expecting to hear a voice he knows all too well. he doesn't turn to look at him but he can see him leaning against the railing, leaving some space between them.

"why are you here? to tell me how much fun you had upstairs?" soobin asks, words cutting.

"oh, so you're the one who's mad at me now?" taehyun scoffs.

"should i not be?" he asks, turning to look into the other's eyes.

"over what? that i dared to exist in a room without revolving around you?"

soobin laughs dryly before turning back to look at the night view.

"so, how was it? had fun?"

"nothing happened."

bitterness leaves room to surprise on soobin's face. he exhales sharply as he runs a hand through his hair.

"i don't care. i shouldn't care." he says, more to himself than taehyun.

"but it seems like you do."

soobin meets his eyes again. he can't read what taehyun is thinking right now. he looks like he's waiting for something.

"god, i hate how i can't stop thinking about you. when i study, when in class, at 2 am when i can't sleep. i hate that when i step into a room, i only look for you."

taehyun's breath catches in his throat.

"i thought that this was only about competition. i thought it was only about proving something but it's not. it hasn't been for a while." he admits, voice breaking.

"then, what is it about soobin?" taehyun asks, unsure.

soobin's throat tightens, the words threatening to spill as he tries to gather them, keeping them from bursting out in the open. but he already said so much. it's too late to stop now.

"you. it's always fucking been about you, kang taehyun."

there it is. he said it. the words hang between them as taehyun takes a step forward.

"you think you're the only one who has been feeling this way? you weren't the only one looking for someone in every room. you weren't the only one thinking about someone all the time. i kept wondering what the fuck was happening to me, and when i thought i was sure, you always left me hanging."

soobin's chest hurts as he tries hard to breathe.

"i didn't go upstairs because i wanted someone else. i went because i thought you didn't care and i wanted to just stop thinking about you. but it didn't work. instead i think i hurt someone else and you're still in my head. like you've always been. no this isn't about grades, i thought we knew that already."

the knot in soobin's throat finally unknots itself and he feels tears running down his cheeks.

"why do you keep pushing me away?" taehyun asks with a trembling voice.

"because… because i’m fucking scared." he admits, voice cracking as more tears run down his face.

taehyun crashes into him. he fists soobin's shirt as the other grabs him by the waist, yanking him even closer. their mouths come crashing in a mess of tears and saliva. they kiss urgently, letting out all the feelings they have been holding back for months. soobin runs a hand through taehyun's hair and starts pulling on it making pretty noises escape the other's mouth. taehyun pulls him impossibly closer, fingers traveling under his shirt.

soobin breathes shakily, grabbing the railing with one hand for support as taehyun attacks his neck. his lips leave a trail of wet kisses from under his ear to his collarbone and soobin can't contain the soft whimpers coming out of his mouth. he gently lifts taehyun's face up by the chin and starts kissing his lips again.

their hands roam over each other's bodies, both wanting to feel the other everywhere on them. the kiss can barely still be called one, just messy brushes of lips as they leave out desperate gasps. it's sharp, flickering with anger: not at each other anymore, but at all the things that kept them away from each other until now. the competition, their classmates, their ego, the fear.

taehyun nibbles at soobin's lower lip before breaking the kiss, letting his forehead rest against the other's. the only sound they can hear is their ragged breaths.

"for people who are the smartest in their class, we surely aren't smart when it comes to feelings." taehyun says, voice rough from all the kissing.

"luckily, we're good at learning."

"as a great man once said, 'angry people are not always wise'."

they stay like this for a while, as close as they can, foreheads touching, trying to register what just happened.

a chill suddenly runs through soobin's body.

"did you go out without a jacket hoping i would lend you one?" taehyun asks with a playful smirk.

"what if i did?"

"you're already planning on stealing my entire closet even though we're not dating?"

"let's change that, shall we?" soobin asks, taking taehyun's hand in his.

"change what?" taehyun asks, feigning ignorance.

soobin sighs, half-pissed half-amused.

"kang taehyun. if you're done being a little shit, can you be my boyfriend?"

"i fear me being a little shit and me being your boyfriend comes in a package..."

"fine, i'll take both then."

"then, yes. i want to be your boyfriend."

soobin smiles and pulls him in for a kiss. this time it's slow and gentle, like they have all the time in the world. the taller one cups taehyun's face, deepening the kiss. taehyun lets him, running his tongue on the other's lips before exploring his mouth. soobin breaks the kiss with one last peck and says:

"i'm cold, let's come back inside."

"wait!" taehyun grabs him by the wrist, stopping him from entering the house. "what if we left? i kind of don't want to be around so many people trying to steal you from me right now."

"uh? what are you talking about?" soobin asks, smiling confusedly.

"you're so dense you didn't notice that at least four people were ogling you earlier."

"you being one of them?" the class president asks cheekily.

taehyun huffs before crossing his arms. "that's not the point."

"fine, i'm joking. i want to be alone with you too." soobin says, stroking taehyun's arm softly, not letting go abruptly this time.

soobin finds beomgyu animatedly talking to a group of people so he stops him briefly, telling him that taehyun is bringing him home. beomgyu throws the brown-haired man the most intimidating gaze he can muster before saying:

"don't mess this up. if he comes back upset, i'm filing a complaint with your face. and then i'll punch you."

soobin puts a hand on his best friend's mouth to stop him from saying more nonsense.

"ignore that." he says, smiling at taehyun.

beomgyu wriggles out of soobin's grasp and says: "fine, i'll stop. but i suggest you leave before yeonjun catches you though."

"we're leaving, i'll text you. have fun!" soobin replies hurriedly.

beomgyu thanks him before waving him bye. he throws one last intimidating stare at taehyun and turns back to the people he was talking to earlier.

"don't mind him, he's all bark but no bites. not yeonjun though, so... don't mess up."

"highly reassuring, thanks." taehyun ironizes.

soobin kisses his frown away.

"don't worry. i'm sure you're not going to give him reason to go after you."

the drive to soobin's apartment is pretty quick, they share anecdotes about their respective friends, saying that they have to make them meet each other one day. apparently, soobin has a lot of similar interests as taehyun's best friend, kai.

taehyun stops the car once they reach their destination. they both come out of the car and stop in front of each other. soobin tucks a strand of hair behind taehyun's ear gently.

"you look beautiful tonight. not just tonight but... seeing you outside of your 'model student costume' is nice." he mutters.

"thank you. you look beautiful too. i couldn't take my eyes off you at the party." taehyun admits.

they look at each other in silence. the same question as that one night hangs between them: "do you want to stay a little longer?" but this time, one of them speaks up:

"i don't really want to go home."

taehyun smiles at soobin's words. "you don't have to."

"okay, nice. wait here. i'll be right back." he says before running into the building.

taehyun leans back against his car with a dreamy smile stuck on his lips.

soobin comes back a few minutes later wearing taehyun's jacket. he throws something in taehyun's direction, that he catches easily. it's a jacket.

"i thought you might be cold." soobin says, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

taehyun puts the jacket on right away, it's slightly too big on him as his hands can't even be seen anymore, but it's warm and it smells like soobin.

"thanks." the smaller one says, taking soobin's hand in his own.

soobin takes them to a small diner saying that the food at the party wasn't enough and it oddly feels like the night they ate pizza together, except everything is different now. they order a pack of fries, that soobin pays for, and they share it while sitting on a bench, legs brushing.

"so... are you going to ask if this is our first date?" soobin asks after a moment of silence.

"i think we've already been on a bunch of dates before if we're being real."

soobin chuckles: "yeah, but this time it's official."

they smile in quiet relief, the question they were too afraid to ask now being answered.

"it's getting late." taehyun says after a while. "i'm gonna head to my dorm now."

"or... you could crash at mine? if it's more convenient for you."

taehyun looks over at him and asks: "you sure?"

"yeah. my parents aren't home."

taehyun raises an eyebrow, a smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

"you're getting bold now. on our first date?"

soobin's eyes open widely as he shakes his hands around in panic.

"that's not what i meant! i just-"

taehyun pecks his lips to make him stop talking.

"i know. i was just teasing you. you're so easy to fluster."

"want me to take back that invitation?"

"not at all."

they walk back to soobin's apartment in comfortable silence. once they're inside, soobin offers his bed or his couch.

"i'm fine with whatever."

after a bunch of "choose." and "no you choose." they give up on that part for now. soobin lends one of his shirts and a pair of sweatpants to his boyfriend. he smiles to himself at the new term.

after they're both freshly washed and changed, they sit on the couch, knees brushing, and start talking about everything that happened, only illuminated by the small mood light next to the couch. they finally let everything out, not hiding their feelings anymore. they apologize for the harsh things they said, for the hurt they caused each other, for all the unsaid things that would've made things easier if they had just said them. it's raw. it's nice. it's relieving.

"i'm not sure what to do with all this. with us." soobin admits at some point, turning his head toward taehyun.

he looks even more pretty like this, in the warmth of soobin's apartment, wearing his clothes, with his hair undone.

"we'll figure it out together." he says.

and it reassures them both.

they fall asleep like this, pinkies intertwined, with a closeness that feels new but comforting.

…

when they wake up the next morning, their pinkies are still intertwined and their legs are tangled. taehyun stretches his neck, feeling sore from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. soobin was waiting for him to wake up, on his phone.

"hi." he mutters softly.

"hi." taehyun smiles. "have you been waiting for a while?"

"about an hour." soobin says.

"oh, you should've woken me up! do you always wake up so early?"

"do you always drool in your sleep?"

"i don't- wait what? did i actually-" he asks, embarrassed.

soobin smirks mischievously: "no. i just wanted to see you panic."

taehyun hits him playfully.

"you little! i hate you." he says, turning around so that he's facing away from him.

he waits for soobin to crack a joke or laugh at him but he doesn't say anything for a few seconds. taehyun's about to turn back to look at him but he doesn't get to because two strong arms wrap around his waist and yank him against a warm chest. he feels a soft kiss on his cheek.

"do you still hate me?"

"uh... depends. can you kiss me again?"

soobin pins taehyun under him, sitting on his thighs and gently grabbing his wrists. taehyun looks flustered, cheeks growing red and eyes big as they look at him curiously. soobin leans down and grabs taehyun's lips between his in a gentle kiss.

"how about now?"

"okay, you're forgiven." taehyun answers with a smile, propping himself up on his elbows to kiss soobin again.

they make toast and coffee and eat in lighthearted banter and the scene feels overly domestic. maybe figuring things out isn't going to be as hard as they thought.

…

going to class together is strange at first. it's like nothing but also everything changed. they still sit next to each other but they exchange different looks now. they bring each other coffee every morning, raising their classmates' suspicions to the highest. their secret group chat is more active than ever, full of theories and nonsensical assumptions.

they notice how when taehyun makes a snarky remark, soobin doesn't bite back in an annoyed manner anymore, either he laughs or he replies but with a huge smile.

they also notice how they always seem to be shoulder to shoulder, sharing their computer, books, notes...

"i'm not saying they've been replaced by impostors... but when did they stop acting like they wanted to kill each other?" chaewon whispers to sunwoo.

"i don't know... i think we missed a few episodes there..." he answers, staring at the two men giggling together.

"so... do you think we should tell them? or are we keeping this a secret for more accuracy to the academic rivals-to-lovers plot?" taehyun whispers in soobin's ear.

"let them freak out over us and figure it out by themselves." soobin answers with a mischievous smile.

…

a few days later:

"oh my god." yeonjun exclaims, shock evident on his face.

soobin whips his head toward the door of his apartment and freezes from where he's standing in front of taehyun, who is sitting on the kitchen counter, legs wrapped around his torso. they had been intensely making out, hands tangled in each other's hair, until the door swung open to reveal beomgyu and yeonjun.

"what are you doing here!?" soobin shouts, clearly irritated.

"uh... nothing that can't wait. please act as if we never came in." beomgyu hurriedly replies, pushing a frozen-in-place yeonjun out the door.

"no wait. i guess i have some explaining to do..."

taehyun hops off the counter, feeling like a kid who has been caught doing a bad thing.

"uh, i think you already guessed but me and taehyun are dating."

he looks away from his friends, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"since when?" beomgyu asks.

"since... the party?" soobin admits.

"and you didn't tell us!?" yeonjun, now unfrozen, exclaims.

"sorry... i didn't want you to... well... freak out."

"how did that even happen? i feel betrayed. deceived. but also incredibly entertained."

soobin chuckles.

"all those moments spent trying to cheer you up because he was being an asshole apparently, no offense, just for you to date him! you're insane, choi soobin. you're a madman." yeonjun exclaims.

"yeah... i have a lot of explaining to do."

"you better tell us the whole story. and taehyun, we need to ask you a thing or two." beomgyu says, narrowing his eyes at him.