Chapter Text
He was such a weird bird, following the Road Runner across the desert. Roadie had never seen anything like that in his life. Which wasn’t a lot, to be fair; it was only his first day outside of the Runner community. The warm orange sand barely had the chance to kiss his talons before they strode through the road, on the concrete, where it was easier to run faster, faster. This was his first official outing as an adult road runner, and he was supposed to find a mate and form his own community. But for now, he just wanted the freedom of running on his own.
Except he wasn’t on his own, was he? The weird bird kept following him around, and when his curiosity got the best of him, he begrudgingly decided to stop and be polite.
“Good evening, Sir or Madam. I have noticed you keep following me around. May I assist you somehow?”
But the other creature only heard “beep beep”.
The not-quite-a-bird licked what Roadie assumed was a beak, grinned, and lunged forward, so naturally Roadie ran. The creature followed him around. How fun! They reached a cliff, and Roadie stopped instinctively, despite not knowing his way. The other creature fell.
“Flap your wings, you silly! You’re gonna hurt yourself!” Roadie yelled, but the other creature only heard “beep beep”.
He didn’t see the fall, but he heard it. Rushing to the side of his new friend, he examined them closely as they lay unconscious on the sand. That weird thing that Roadie assumed was a beak was actually a long snout. His talons lifted their upper lip; there were fangs there. Birds don’t have fangs, do they? At least, roadrunners don’t; Roadie didn’t know about other birds. This creature was malnourished; it probably had hollow bones, as birds do, and its brown feathers were stiff and sticky. Poor thing was probably molting. The two crests on top of its head were warm and soft to the touch. Roadie liked those.
“Beep beep!” (You’re alive! That was quite a fall. Are you alright?)
The creature groaned and took out a sign from its hammerspace. It said “OUCH”, but Roadie couldn’t read, so he bowed down, as all roadrunners greet each other, and said:
“Beep beep.” (It’s getting late, and I must find a place to sleep. You better have some rest, good sir or madam.)
He left as fast as he arrived. After all, in roadrunner culture it’s impolite to stall.
The cold wind ruffled his feathers as he ran, and he smiled. One day out and he already had a friend! And they were so weird, so interesting!
Okay, so this creature wasn’t a bird. It’s not that Roadie was stupid, far from it, but there were two issues at hand:
First, he had been sold a… different idea of what a predator was. At Roadrunner School, they told him predators were big, strong creatures, with long claws, large fangs, and tiny red eyes, inexpressive and evil. The Creature --Roadie had started to mentally refer to it as “AAAAUGHHH”, as that was the sound it made whenever it forgot to fly-- had fangs… and that was about it. He’d seen it carefully trim its claws when it thought it was alone. It was… terribly scrawny; no wonder he’d mistaken it for a molting, malnourished bird. Its yellow eyes, nice as the desert sunset, were too big and expressive to belong to any predator. And it seemed rather harmless, really. All it did was follow Roadie around, hiding -badly- whenever he looked around, and feed him birdseed. Predators don’t do that sort of thing.
The second issue was that he liked speed, and the thing about going so fast in life is that you miss some crucial details.
As weeks went by, something started to shift. His original plan to discover every single inch of the vast New Mexico desert before finding a mate and settling down had turned out to be a bit underwhelming. When you run through the entire desert in ten minutes, it gets tedious. The desert never changes. The dunes are still there, the first and one-hundredth times you see them. The other animals were extremely slow. The only thing that kept him going was… The Creature.
With the wisdom of these few weeks passed, and the knowledge some ringtail shared with him, now Roadie knew the thing chasing him was a male coyote --a predator, if you could call him one. “Dangerous creatures”, the ringtail warned him, and all he could do was laugh.
A coyote, trying to outrun him. Cute! But not just any coyote, not a dumb-brained, bloodthirsty creature as he learned at school; this creature was special. Fascinating. He built trap after trap, contraptions, magnets, machines, anything you can think of, stuff beyond Roadie’s wildest dreams…
He wasn’t scared; he was amused. He’d often yell encouraging words at the coyote during their chase:
“Cool! How did you come up with that contraption?”
“Wow, that’s a really cool tunnel you painted! Look, I’m inside!”
“Careful with that train!”
Of course, the coyote only heard beep beep.
Despite what it might look like, he was constantly making sure the poor creature made it out alive. Battered, but alive. The coyote kept pulling signs, but he kept telling him he didn’t know how to read. The coyote only heard beep beep.
Life continued, and chasing each other became routine. To Roadie, everything was just a silly little game, like playing tag with your friends. There were plenty of animals in the desert, all slower than him; the coyote had to know there were other food options besides him. He was starting to wonder if that poor sap would even know what to do with him, if he ever let himself get caught.
One afternoon, he took one of the coyote’s lost signs to the ringtail, who examined it.
“It says ‘Screw you, ACME’.”
“Beep beep?” (How do you know that?)
“Well, there’s words in here”, the ringtail said impatiently. The bird tilted his head. “You mean you don’t know how to read?”
“Beep?”
“Yeah, the coyote knows how to read, naturally. If you know one thing, you know the other.”
“Beep beep?” Roadie asked with pleading eyes.
“I dunno, it’s a long process… Besides, I'm very busy; I don't have time to play school…”
“Beep. Beep.” (Mountains. Of . Birdseed.)
And so, he started picking up the debris after the coyote’s constant, alongside a good portion of birdseed for his friend. And, little by little, he began to decipher each and every letter, every sign left behind, to realize his coyote friend was not only weird, fascinating, and clever; he was funny! And it made him feel special, because, if an intelligent animal is constantly chasing you, and always missing you by an inch, that must mean you’re intelligent too, right?
“Hey, I’m learning to read! Soon I’ll be as intelligent as you!” Roadie yelled at the Coyote. “Thanks for leaving some debris with letters for me to learn!”
The Coyote could’ve sworn those beep beeps sounded almost thankful, but he wasn’t sure.
Okay, so this coyote didn’t want to eat him. Whenever he caught Roadie, he’d always let him go. That was good; it was easier to consider him a friend that way, but one question remained: if he didn't wanna eat the Road Runner… then why was he always chasing him around?
“Have you found a mate yet, dearie?” Roadie’s mom asked him one evening, as he was visiting the Runner community. They were having a lovely dinner of various insects and lots of birdseed, courtesy of the coyote.
Roadie, with a mouth full of birdseed, shook his head.
“Aw, it’s alright. It’s a vast desert, after all. Soon you’ll find someone to chase you.”
Roadie swallowed heavily, checking the birdseed. Sometimes the coyote put some metal pellets in it, which would explain the heavy feeling in his stomach. The birdseed was fine, however.
His father laughed.
“Yes, of course! Why, I remember when your mom was chasing me! We must’ve crossed the desert like… what was it, hon? Five times in six minutes?”
Roadie stopped chewing his birdseed to stare at his dad, eyes like saucers. That was nothing compared to what he and the Coyote had traveled so far. Together. One chasing the other.
“Of course, chasing is just the first step of roadrunning courtship. Then, the interested animal might court you with some birdseed…” Y’know, like the one you’re eating? Roadie paled under his feathers; not that anyone noticed.
“And of course, the final step is dancing and showing off your shiny feathers. The more colorful, the better!” His dad finished, and he and his mom danced a little bit. While his brothers and sisters watched their parents dance, Roadie tried to calm his rampant heart. This was just a coincidence. A silly, silly coincidence. It’s not like the Coyote would show up in a flashy, colorful wingsuit, or dress up like a lady roadrunner for Roadie.
The Coyote showed up in a flashy green suit with wings, flying in the sky above Roadie, and he almost choked on his birdseed. Then, another time, he dressed up like a pretty lady roadrunner.
This was getting out of wing.
“Listen! I’m-- I’m flattered, really! You’ve been so sweet, and this has been fun, but… you’re not my type, okay? I’m a prey, you’re a predator; it will never work out! Go court someone else, okay?”
Those beep beeps the Road Runner squawked in his direction those days sounded remorseful, but the Coyote thought nothing of it.