Work Text:
I don’t feel like talking to you right now…
I don’t know when I’ll be able to…
I have always wondered what was on your mind all off this time
I have sent you weird solicitations, mixed signals, then nothing at all
I always thought that I could overcome the way I feel, that we could be just friends, and that it was okay
I found out I was wrong, wrong in so many levels
And when I saw you
When we finally met
All the feelings I tugged behind my mind just burst out in my chest
and I felt sick of having them, I felt so wrong for having them, I tried to do my best to swallow them back, I fucking swear I did, I fought with them so many nights, I fought with my love for you, I fought the fear, the loneliness, the hate, my self
I just can’t, I can’t even just tell you, I can’t let this out, I can’t let you know, because you already said it, you would never feel towards me the way I feel about you, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I don’t want you to hate me, but I can’t turn this off, and I don’t know how long I will be able to hold it, before losing myself in the process, I JUST FUCKING CAN’T AND I HATE IT, I HATE BEING RIDICULOUSLY WRETCHED, SHAMEFULL, HIDEOUS, and you, you are so goddamned handsome, your beautifully framed blue eyes, your genuine innocent smile, your stupid teeth and whatnot, while all I am is gray… gray and red, a horrid abomination of nature… I’m just tired of this shit, we finally finished the thing, we finally beat the game, we finally got the reward and I’m so tired, I still don’t get the amount of sleep I should, I still have the fear of anything appearing and killing me in my sleep, but you know what… I don’t mind that anymore, I’m sorry, for not being honest to you, for not being able to keep our promise of stick together as bros until the end of times, for not be strong enough, I’m sorry John, I’m going to sleep now