Chapter Text
school mornings were usually the same for juhoon. wake up, school, eat, study, sleep and repeat. it was nothing special, nothing that interested him. but on the weekends, it was another story.
his days at school weren’t particularly peaceful. it started at the start of first year. a blonde boy much taller than him wouldn’t leave him alone, always finding a chance to pick on him no matter the time or place. at first it was subtle, just name calling and laughing at him with his friends. then it became taking his stuff without asking and throwing things at him. juhoon ignored it all, it wasn’t worth the fuss or his time. but something about the blonde boy, martin, caught his eye.
even after they were done with juhoon for the day, martin would linger. his eyes watching, observing juhoon with a profound kind of curiosity. but thats all he did, he watched and left. his eyes gave away that he had something more to say, but in the end he’d just walk off. it became harder to ignore the more it happened. some days he lingered longer and juhoon would pretend he didn’t notice. he always noticed, and that slowly made something uncomfortable form in his chest.
whenever martin shot a glance at him or even laughed at him with his other friends, juhoons mind would start to imagine how good he looked. he wanted to look, wanted to see whatever smile martin had when he laughed, the way his adams apple would bob as his eyes scrunched up beautifully. still, he never dared steal a glance, not even when martin wasn’t looking. it was risky. this feeling he deemed as curiosity alone, all of it was crazy talk. i mean, this is the same boy who bullies him. how could he like someone like that? he’d ask himself that question everyday.
things shifted as the second year of school started. martin became bolder and it was making juhoon go crazy. it wasn’t just lingering and watching anymore. it was shoulder brushes, knee bumps, all intentional and deliberate. at first juhoon was oblivious to it, brushing it off as accidental touches instead of feeding in to whatever delusion his heart was assuming. but then it became more frequent, more practiced, more real. every time juhoon looked up, martin would already be looking at him. whether they were close or metres apart, martins eyes would be on him, dark and brown, just watching him. it made something weird twist in juhoons stomach, something warm and fuzzy. but the reality was still the same. this was his bully, a person who wouldn’t think twice about humiliating him and making him feel like crap. so why does he feel so complicated?
third year was when everything changed. it was the final year of high school, juhoon was counting the days until he could finally escape this hell. he’d keep telling himself its fine, only a few more days to go, you can do it! and thats exactly what kept his head up even when it got hard. but little did juhoon know just how..odd his last year was going to be.
it was the second day of school, loud chatter echoing from wall to wall with kids flooding through hallways trying to catch classes. juhoon was making his way too when he was suddenly pulled into a janitors closet, a hand on his mouth, the other gripping his body. the man behind him felt bigger, much bigger than juhoon. panic flared through him, his legs and arms immediately reacting to the restraint as he tried to fight out of the grip, until a familiar voice hit his ear.
“hey shh..its just me” martin said calmly, his voice syrupy and sweet. juhoon froze and then turned around. there he was, tall with dark blonde hair falling on his forehead, a vintage nirvana shirt revealing some skin on his lower stomach and red underwear peaking through his sagging skinny jeans. juhoon was speechless until anger seeped through him.
“dude what the fuck? who in their right mind pulls someone into a janitors closet like some 2000’s kidnapper.” he said frustrated as he pulled himself away from martins grip, his skin burning at where the taller boys hands were. as soon as he heard martins voice, his panic dissipated into something electric. something that made heat coil in his stomach and tug weirdly at his heart. it scared him just how much of an effect he had on juhoon.
“what, did i scare you? thought i was gonna open your stomach and pull your guts out? and in a janitors closet?” martin mocked, a small chuckle rumbling through him. his eyes wouldn’t leave juhoon, he could feel the sharp gaze against his skin. everything suddenly felt warm, the closet feeling weirdly small. the proximity was doing something weird to juhoon. he tried to hide it. tried to hide the warmth that spread through his cheeks, the sound of his stupid heart beating so loud he felt like martin could hear, like it was going to jump right through his chest. why did martin make him feel so conflicted? so warm and tingly, it annoyed him to the core.
“well its always better to be safe. why’d you drag me in here anyway?” juhoon asked, finally looking at martin. and god did he look. martin looked endearing even in this small and dim closet. his eyes dark and unreadable, his lips curled into a small smile. juhoons own heart stuttered at the view before him. martin looked at him fiercely, like he was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.
juhoon felt naked under his gaze, exposed and filthy. does martin already know that juhoon feels this way about him? does he know juhoon touched himself to him? does he know juhoon cried pathetically every night wondering what to do about his complicated feelings for him? it scared juhoon. he knows martin doesn’t know a thing, he can’t, but the way he was looking at him right now, it makes juhoon think martin can see behind his eyes.
it feels like he can see the parts of his brain where he keeps his darkest, filthiest thoughts and memories. like he can see juhoon lying on his bed, back pressed firmly against it, stroking his length pathetically while imagining it was martin touching him instead. he felt small. he felt gross. but in the haze of the ecstasy he was feeling, it didn’t matter. the shame that came after was always harder, though. he’d cry sometimes after he was done, laying flat on the bed as his reality sank in. he’d ask himself why was he like this, why did martin have to do this to him? it was unbearable.
“i don’t know.” martin replied flatly, his eyes still on the smaller boy before him. something shifted in his stare, something darker, a raw hunger.
“….what do you mean?” juhoon asked, sounding more breathless than he wanted to. his nerves reacting violently at the situation, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.
“you’ve noticed, haven’t you? the shoulder brushes, the staring. i’ve been hinting at you for a whole year now, yet you haven’t said a thing. its kind of disappointing” martin said sounding amused and then faking a pout, his fingers coming up to brush against juhoons jaw, caressing it almost affectionately. martins expression was unreadable as juhoon looked at him, at least thats what he believed instead of letting his heart decide for him. juhoon swallowed nervously, a dark red flushing through his cheeks. he held his ground.
“well it wasn’t exactly subtle so of course i noticed it. and why would i ask you about it? you’re probably just messing with me like always.” juhoon brushed off hoping he didn’t sound smaller than he felt. the room felt too hot and too tight, the distance between them feeling more alarming than it should. his breathing became less controlled, the awareness making him unravel. martins eyes shifted, his mouth almost frowning as the words left juhoons lips. why’d he look so hurt?
“hmm you’re right. but i think you do have a lot to say. i mean be honest, you haven’t stopped it because you like it right?” martin said sounding sure and amused, his earlier frown wiped off as fast as it came. juhoon just stared at martin feeling as transparent as glass. how did he know? was he being too obvious? juhoon forced his head down, the embarrassment, the shame, all of it catching up to him at once. but that didn’t mean he was going to admit to it, he’d never back down that easily. he brought his head back up, trying to pull himself together.
“no, you’re wrong. why would i care? i didn’t ask you because its background noise to me. whether you stare at me or not, i only noticed because you were shameless and didn’t bother hiding it, not because i gave a flying fuck about it! so don’t misunderstand me.” juhoon said, the embarrassment he felt replaced by an all consuming anger. he hated feeling vulnerable, hated how martin must think how easy he is. he tried to look strong despite his fingers trembling and breath coming out faster than it should. he must’ve looked pathetic to him.
when juhoon met martins eyes again, they were laced with a hollow darkness. his eyes glued to juhoon, his jaw clenched and breathing heavy. he looked angry but also upset at the same time. it made juhoon feel even more confused, why does martin look affected when he doesn’t even care about juhoon? is he pretending now too? is this all a joke to him?
“misunderstand you huh..” martin mumbled, his gaze dropping to juhoons lips. juhoon flinched, his heart beating even faster if thats even possible. martins jaw was still clenched, his gaze unyielding as he looked at his lips. juhoon instinctively licked his lips and that clicked something in martin. without warning, he grabbed juhoon by both of his hands and pushed him against the door of the janitors closet.
martin completely crowded him, both his hands gripping juhoons against both sides of his head. martin lowered his head and brushed his nose against juhoon neck. he was impossibly close now, juhoon could feel his warm breath against his sensitive skin. he should push him away, should fight the grip on his wrists, but he didn’t. he stayed impossibly still, letting martins breath travel along his neck as he inhaled and exhaled sharply.
“mmm..you smell good.” martin mumbled against the soft skin, the contact sending shivers down juhoons spine. a small sound escaped his throat, bordering on a whimper. martin raised his head and looked at juhoon, his gaze laced with an animalistic kind of hunger. juhoon felt exposed and vulnerable under martin, his eyes nervously meeting his.
juhoon looked feverish, more needy than he wanted to be. his heart beating at an impossible speed, his breath coming out fast and unsteady which he didn’t bother hiding anymore. martin just kept looking, a small amused smirk tugging at his lips. he then lowered his head, bringing it closer to juhoons. juhoon closed his eyes, didn’t want martin to see the eagerness behind them. the movement stopped as their noses brushed against each other, the contact sending heat through juhoons body. juhoon slowly fluttered his eyes open to martin already looking at him. he’s even more beautiful from up close, juhoon thought. martin looked almost affectionate, his gaze replaced with a warm and soft look, his eyebrows drawn up as his lips twitched.
“tell me you don’t want this. push me away and i’ll stop.” martin whispered, his tone cautious and restrained as he watched juhoon pleadingly. juhoon didn’t push, didn’t say a thing. he just met martins eyes and stared back, his gaze dropping to martins lips for 2 seconds before meeting his eyes again. martin waited a second longer to confirm it and then closed the distance between them, their lips pushed against each other in a kiss.
the kiss wasn’t messy or rushed, it was soft and practiced. their lips moving at a steady rhythm that sent straight sparks of electricity through juhoon. martin pulled back to look at juhoon and they both met each others eyes. juhoon was getting more desperate, more needier by the second. he then broke free from martins grip and wrapped both his arms around martins neck as he crashed his lips on to his. this time it wasn’t soft, it was a desperate hunger taking place. martin was startled at first but then smirked into the kiss as he met his filthy rhythm, both his hands gripping and rubbing against the flush of juhoons hips.
juhoon licked martins lower lip and martin opened up, their tongues crashed into each other as they swapped spit, desperate and uncoordinated. juhoon whimpered into the kiss, his own pride found dead as he finally let himself loose. he felt the heat from the kiss go straight to his crotch, the erection impossible to ignore as it tightened against his drawls. martin groaned as well, meeting the same desperate rhythm juhoon was going at. it was agonisingly good. he felt so good, so complete with martins lips and tongue against his.
juhoon instinctively brushed his hips against martins, feeling his bulge against his own sent a new rush of heat through him. juhoon moaned, really moaned as the sound was muffled with the kiss. tracks of spit moved down his jaw but he didn’t care, he loved it. martin brushed his hips back too, chasing the same friction he was. they set a steady rhythm, their hips finding a pace that left them both breathless as they chased their release. it was intense, the pace quickening with each coming thrust.
juhoon broke the kiss with a whimper, “i’m..i’m gonna cum..!l juhoon said breathlessly, his hips jerking violently as he chased his release.
“come on, cum for me baby. just let go, i’m close too.” martin said equally breathless, groaning and matching juhoons intense pace as he chased both of their release. after a few more messy thrusts of hips, juhoon jerked forward with a broken moan, his body convulsing as he spilled hot in his underwear, trembling as he reached his orgasm. martin wasn’t done yet, he kept the animalistic pace as he neared his own release. juhoon cried, tears prickling at his eyes from the overstimulation. his dick still sensitive from the orgasm just seconds ago.
“wait..wait stop..i cant.” juhoon cried, his own hips betraying him as they tried to match martins. “shh yes you can baby come on..” martin coo’d, his breath sharpening as he quickened his hips. he then moaned, hips jerking as he grinds himself through the orgasm, the wetness immediate against his underwear. juhoon whimpered, his legs becoming jelly as he fell forward into martins arms. that was the best orgasm he’s ever had. he feels warm and fuzzy, undone in the best way possible.
“you okay?” martin said with a comforting tone, his hands coming to hold juhoon steady. juhoon looked up as he felt the arms steady against his back. martin brushed the sweat damped hair against his forehead away as he looked at him so, so affectionately. juhoons heart clenched, it felt so right to be here with martin.
“yeah..yeah i’m okay” juhoon managed to push out, his voice small and airy from the exhaust.
“we should probably go wash up before it dries. wanna come to my place? its nearby and i can lend you some extra clothes.” martin asked, resting his hand against juhoons cheek as he brush it with his thumb. juhoon still doesn’t know how to fully trust martin, after all, just an hour ago he was playing the role of his bully. but right now as he was engulfed in the taller boys warmth, it didn’t matter to him. the reality will catch up soon, but right now he just wanted to enjoy this. to believe that even for a second. it was real. they were real. he also didn’t like the uncomfortable stickiness in his drawls, so he didn’t have much options.
“yeah..yeah i’d like that.” juhoon said meeting martins eyes adoringly as he matched the same softness his gaze held. martin smiled, pushing him flush against his chest as he embraced juhoon in a warm hug. he melted into it, head pressing into martins shoulder as he let himself unravel in the blonde boys arms. his heart swelled, he wanted this to be real so badly it hurt. but can someone like martin really love him? does he feel even half as content as juhoon does? does he realise the affect this whole situation has on juhoon? he bets martin is doing this as a joke of some sort. but if martin was going to offer affection to him right now, juhoon was going to take it. whether its all fake or not, juhoon is a desperate man and martin is all he wants.
he loves him beyond the word itself. he doesn’t know how or when it happened, but its been eating him alive for days to end now. so if martin was going to feed into his desire, then juhoon wasn’t going to complain. even if that did leave a weird ache in his chest, a kind of pain that comes with realisation that he’ll never feel as deeply as juhoon does. he knows how dangerous it is to play along, but he didn’t know how much he needed this until now. it might become an unhealthy obsession that only leads to a bad ending, but maybe its worth the risk.
lying against martins chest, hearing his steady heart beat, he enjoyed it more than he should. he’s already dug himself too deep to get out so he’ll have to play along, even if he ends up getting crushed at the end.