Archive of Our Own

By the time Sungchan starts arguing that Wonbin would be the first one to get married, nobody remembers how the conversation got there.

It is close enough to midnight that everything they say has begun losing its edges. Practice ran late, dinner happened later, and somehow the six of them have migrated upstairs instead of separating when they got back to the dorm, bringing half-finished drinks, phone chargers, and the vague intention of watching something together that nobody ever actually puts on. Shotaro sits cross-legged on the floor beside the low table with one hand inside a snack bag. Anton has claimed the end of the couch nearest the wall and looks comfortable enough that Sohee doubts he plans to move again tonight. Eunseok is leaning against the armchair rather than sitting properly in it, while Sungchan has somehow taken up more space on the floor than Shotaro despite being horizontal.

Wonbin, who has been scrolling through his phone for the past several minutes, looks up slowly. "Why me?"

Sungchan doesn't appear bothered by the question. "You just seem like you'd do it suddenly."

"That doesn't explain anything."

"You think he'd disappear for two days and come back married?" Sohee asks, shifting one leg beneath himself where he is sitting against the other side of the couch. His shoulder bumps Anton's knee when he moves. Anton lifts his leg automatically to give him room, then lowers it again once Sohee settles.

Sungchan points at him without sitting up. "Yes."

"I did not say that."

Wonbin's face has reached that particular expression that usually means he regrets continuing a conversation but refuses to lose it. "Why would I disappear for two days?"

"Because you'd hate planning a wedding," Eunseok answers.

That gets a laugh out of Shotaro, who nearly drops the snack he has just pulled from the bag. Wonbin turns his attention toward Eunseok instead, apparently deciding there is a more deserving target.

"You'd hate it more."

"I wouldn't get married."

"See?" Sungchan calls out immediately, rolling onto one elbow. "That's why nobody picked you."

"No one was picking anyone."

"We're picking now."

Sohee snorts and reaches over the back of the couch for his drink, finding Anton's hand there first. Anton has apparently been doing the same thing, fingers closing around the wrong cup before he looks down at the label.

"This one's yours."

"I know."

"You put yours on my side."

"It's all the same side."

Anton gives him a look that says this is an argument he does not respect enough to finish, then passes the cup over. Sohee takes it, already turning back toward the others as Sungchan begins trying to organize the conversation into something that resembles rules.

It has been like this for the last half hour. Somebody finds an old picture, somebody else complains about the haircut they had in it, and suddenly they are discussing how different they will look at thirty. That becomes whether any of them will still live close to each other, whether Shotaro will still be dancing with the same amount of energy, whether Anton will have somehow accumulated enough instruments to require an additional apartment, and whether Sungchan will finally stop leaving things in places and assuming everyone else knows they belong to him.

Then marriage arrives somewhere between all of that. Sohee isn't sure who introduces it. Possibly Shotaro. Possibly Sungchan. It is difficult to assign blame once all six of them have been talking over one another for this long.

"Okay," Sungchan starts, apparently pleased with the authority nobody has granted him. "Who gets married first?"

"Not me," Eunseok rules out.

"You don't know that."

"I know enough."

"So you think you'll be last?"

"I think this conversation is useless."

Sungchan ignores him. "Shotaro hyung?"

Shotaro considers it more seriously than necessary, chewing before he answers. "Maybe not first."

"You'd have the nicest wedding," Sohee supplies.

Shotaro brightens. "Really?"

"Yeah. You'd make everybody learn choreography for the entrance."

"I wouldn't."

"You absolutely would," Wonbin chimes in.

"It would be easy choreography."

That dissolves into another argument, because apparently the difficulty level of Shotaro's imaginary future wedding dance requires immediate debate. Sohee lets himself sink farther against the couch while they talk. His drink is cold in his hands, condensation gathering under his fingers. Beside him, Anton has pulled his phone out again, but he is still listening. Sohee can tell because his mouth twitches when Eunseok says there is no chance he is learning eight counts for somebody else's marriage.

Outside, the windows have turned into dark mirrors. They can see themselves reflected faintly over the lights from the city, six tired figures scattered through the living room with the remains of dinner still occupying part of the table. Sohee catches his own face in the glass for half a second and thinks he looks more awake than he feels. Tomorrow will start early enough that they should already be asleep. Nobody suggests it.

"Sohee," Sungchan calls suddenly. "You."

Sohee turns away from the window. "Me what?"

"First to get married."

"Why?"

"You seem like you'd like being married."

There is a beat while Sohee tries to decide whether that is supposed to mean anything.

Shotaro starts laughing before he has settled on an answer. "He does."

"What does that even mean?" Sohee questions, looking between them. "How do I seem married already?"

"You like having people around," Shotaro replies. "And you like when people remember things for you."

"That's not marriage. That's having functioning friends."

"It sounds pretty good," Anton interjects quietly.

Sohee turns his head. Anton has not looked up from his phone. Something about that makes Sohee smile despite himself. "Thank you. At least one person here understands basic friendship."

Anton finally glances over. "I didn't say you weren't marriage material."

Sungchan makes an immediate noise from the floor, but it is swallowed by Wonbin asking if "marriage material" is seriously the phrase Anton has chosen. Shotaro laughs harder. Even Eunseok looks amused.

Sohee gives Anton a shove with his elbow, not enough to move him. "Don't encourage them."

Anton lowers his phone into his lap. "I was answering."

"Nobody asked you."

"You were complaining."

"You're supposed to support me."

"I did."

The irritating thing is that Anton looks completely sincere. Sohee stares at him for another second before deciding Anton's brain is simply operating on a frequency none of them need to investigate this late at night. He turns back around and takes another drink.

The conversation keeps moving. That should be the end of it. Instead, Sungchan decides the original question is too easy and changes it. "Fine. Forget who's getting married first. If everyone here is still single at thirty, you have to marry another member."

Eunseok's head tips back against the chair. "Why?"

"Because that's the question."

"That's not a reason."

"You're ruining it."

"I'm trying to."

Sungchan points across the room. "Wonbin."

"No."

"You have to pick."

"I don't."

"Then we pick for you."

Wonbin's expression suggests he would rather be dropped into the sea. 

Sohee laughs into his cup. This, apparently, is enough to condemn him next.

"You pick too," Wonbin tells him.

"I will. I'm not scared."

"Nobody is scared."

"You look scared."

"I look tired."

"That's your normal face."

Wonbin reaches for one of the cushions beside him and throws it. Sohee barely gets his cup out of the way before the cushion hits his shoulder and folds over his lap.

"See?" Sohee points out, grabbing it before it slides to the floor. "This is why nobody should marry you."

"I haven't agreed to participate."

Shotaro is already considering the options with far too much sincerity. "You would need somebody patient."

"Don't analyze him," Eunseok criticises. "It'll make this last longer."

"But if we're doing it, we should think."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about."

Sohee shifts around so he can prop the cushion behind his back. His shoulder brushes Anton's leg again, and this time Anton leaves his knee there rather than moving. The contact is barely noticeable through Sohee's shirt.

Sungchan begins assigning imaginary spouses anyway. He rules himself out for Wonbin because they would fight over space. Shotaro is dismissed because Wonbin would complain that Shotaro owns too many clothes, which Shotaro argues is unfair until Sohee reminds him they are currently discussing an invented marriage occurring eight years in the future. Eunseok refuses to be considered for anyone on principle. Anton says very little, though he smiles when Wonbin eventually says he would marry Shotaro because "at least he'd feed me."

"There," Shotaro says, delighted. "See?"

"That was not romantic."

"It doesn't have to be romantic," Sungchan refutes.

Sohee looks at him. "Then why are we marrying each other?"

Eunseok starts laughing.

"No, wait," Sungchan says, lifting one hand. "You know what I mean. It's hypothetical."

"Your hypothetical has no rules."

"It has rules now."

"You keep adding them whenever somebody finds a problem."

"That's how rules work."

"That's absolutely not how rules work."

Anton laughs beside him, quiet enough that Sohee feels it more than hears it because his knee moves against Sohee's shoulder.

By the time the question circles around to Shotaro, everyone has become invested despite themselves. Shotaro chooses Sungchan after enough deliberation to make Sungchan sit up in triumph, only for Shotaro to explain that Sungchan would be useful for reaching high shelves and carrying heavy things.

"That's marriage?" Sungchan questions.

"You said it didn't have to be romantic."

"Not like that."

"So now it does?"

Sungchan points accusingly at Sohee. "This is your fault."

"I haven't done anything."

"You started questioning the rules."

"Because your rules are stupid."

"Pick someone, then."

Sohee settles more comfortably against the couch, considering the five faces around him. It is easy enough as a joke. Shotaro would probably be pleasant to live with, although Sohee suspects he would feel guilty every time he left something messy around him. Sungchan would be entertaining until they killed each other over chores. Wonbin would need to be bribed into leaving the house. Eunseok would spend every argument acting like he didn't care while remembering every single detail for later use.

Anton...

Sohee's thoughts stop there only because Sungchan is staring at him expectantly.

"Shotaro hyung," Sohee answers.

Shotaro immediately reaches across the table to shake his hand. "Good choice."

"Why?" Sungchan demands.

"Because he's nice."

"That's boring."

"So is marriage at thirty with one of you."

"You just said you'd like being married."

"I didn't say that. You said that."

"I think you'd be good at it," Shotaro responds.

Sohee looks at him suspiciously. "Why does everyone have an opinion on this?"

"No reason."

"That sounded like there was a reason."

"There isn't."

Wonbin has started laughing again, and Sohee decides he does not want to know.

The question passes to Eunseok, who refuses for another full minute before eventually choosing Wonbin solely because, according to him, "he'd leave me alone." Wonbin looks insulted by the implication that this is his strongest quality as a hypothetical spouse.

Then Sungchan turns toward Anton. "Your turn."

Anton looks up.

"Pick."

"From us?"

"No, from another group."

Anton smiles faintly. "You keep changing the rules."

"I am not changing anything. If you're thirty, still single, and you have to marry one RIIZE member, who?"

Sohee is already smiling before Anton answers. He expects another long pause, maybe Anton looking around the room as if this deserves careful thought. Anton tends to take strange questions more seriously than everyone else does, especially when he thinks there is an actual answer hidden somewhere inside them. There is no pause. "Sohee hyung."

Sohee laughs. It comes out immediately, light and automatic, because of course Anton would say that after Sohee spent the last ten minutes criticizing everyone else's imaginary marriage prospects. He turns toward him with the beginning of some complaint already forming. Anton is looking at Sungchan. Not smiling. Not embarrassed either. Just waiting, apparently, for the next question. Sohee's laugh thins out on its own.

Across the room, Sungchan has already opened his mouth to say something, but it takes him a second longer than usual. Shotaro's gaze shifts from Anton to Sohee and stays there. Wonbin glances up from his phone. Eunseok's eyebrows move almost imperceptibly. The whole thing lasts maybe two seconds.

Then Sungchan inquires, "That fast?"

Anton shrugs.

"Why Sohee?"

Sohee looks at him again. Anton finally turns his head. There is nothing dramatic in his face. If anything, he looks mildly confused by the need to explain something that seems obvious to him. "We already live together."

"All of us live together," Wonbin retorts.

"Not on the same floor."

"So you're choosing based on stairs?" Sohee asks.

Anton gives him the smallest smile. "No."

"Then?"

Anton looks back toward Sungchan, apparently deciding the question is general enough to deserve a general answer. "I think it'd be comfortable." Sohee's fingers tighten slightly around his cup. Anton continues, still in the same calm tone. "Sohee hyung is easy to live with. We can talk when we want to talk, but he doesn't make everything awkward when it's quiet. He remembers when I'm tired. I already know his habits."

The room does not explode. That would almost be easier. Instead, Wonbin shifts where he is sitting and looks down at his phone again with the expression of somebody filing information away for later. Eunseok presses his lips together. Shotaro reaches for another snack and misses the bag on the first try. Sungchan, for once, seems aware that there is a line available to him and that stepping over it might not actually improve the situation.

Sohee clears his throat. "That sounds less like a marriage proposal and more like a roommate review."

Anton looks at him. "It can be both."

Shotaro makes a choking sound.

Sohee turns immediately. "Hyung."

"I'm fine."

"You almost inhaled that."

"I'm fine."

His ears feel warm. That is annoying. More annoying is the fact that Anton has already reached for his phone again, apparently satisfied that he has answered the question correctly. Sohee watches him for a second. Anton notices. This time, instead of asking, he tilts the screen toward him. There is a video paused there, something music-related that Sohee vaguely remembers Anton mentioning earlier.

"I was going to show you this."

"Now?"

"You said you wanted to see it."

Sohee did. Hours ago, before practice. He stares at the screen and then at Anton again. "You remembered that?"

Anton gives him a strange look. "Of course."

Something unpleasantly small turns over in Sohee's stomach. Not unpleasant, exactly. He takes Anton's phone before he can think too hard about it and starts the video, leaning back against the couch so Anton can see too. For the next minute and a half, he understands almost none of what he is watching.

When it ends, Anton asks, "Do you hear the bass part I meant?"

Sohee nods.

Anton studies his face. "You didn't."

"I did."

"You didn't."

"I was watching."

"That's not the same thing."

"I can watch it again."

Anton takes the phone back and rewinds it without complaint. Sohee watches properly this time. He can feel Shotaro looking at them from across the table. He refuses to look back. 

The marriage conversation, thankfully, moves on. Sungchan chooses Shotaro after accusing him of stealing his answer. Eunseok calls the entire exercise useless for what must be the ninth time. Wonbin attempts to change the subject by finding another old picture on his phone, and within minutes they are arguing about hair again.

Everything returns to normal. Anton laughs at something Sungchan says. Shotaro gets up to throw away empty containers. Wonbin disappears downstairs for a charger and comes back with two because he knows Eunseok needs one. Sohee talks, laughs, steals the last piece of something from the table before Sungchan can reach it, and lets the conversation carry him along until the original question has been buried beneath five newer ones.

Nothing has changed. That is what Sohee tells himself. Nothing has changed because Anton answered a hypothetical question. A stupid hypothetical question. A question about being thirty, which is so far away that Sohee can barely picture it without making himself look older in some exaggerated, ridiculous way.

Thirty.

Eight years.

He glances sideways. Anton is listening to Shotaro talk about tomorrow's schedule, chin resting against one hand, hair falling slightly forward over his forehead. He looks tired now that Sohee is actually paying attention to it.

Sohee knows the signs. Anton gets quieter in stages. First he stops volunteering new topics, then he starts answering with shorter sentences, then his eyes drift toward whatever exit offers the fastest route to being alone. He is somewhere between the first and second stage now. Sohee knows that because they live together. Because they are friends. Because noticing somebody you've spent years with is normal.

Anton catches his eye. Sohee looks away so quickly that he nearly gives himself whiplash.

"You okay?" Shotaro inquires from across the room.

"Yeah." His answer comes a little too fast. Shotaro's mouth curves up. Sohee narrows his eyes at him. Shotaro, with the wisdom of someone who wants to survive the night, says nothing else.

Ten minutes later, Anton gets up. "I'm going to sleep." There is a chorus of goodnights from around the room, none of them especially coordinated. Anton collects his phone and one empty can from the table before turning toward the hallway.

As he passes behind Sohee, his fingers briefly touch the top of Sohee's head. Not even a pat. Just a quick brush, absentminded, as if moving around him and touching him belong to the same action.

"Goodnight, hyung."

Sohee looks up too late. Anton is already halfway down the hallway. There is absolutely no reason for Sohee to sit there staring after him. He does it anyway.

Then Eunseok tells him, without looking up from his phone, "You're making this very subtle." 

Sohee turns slowly.

Eunseok scrolls.

"I hate you."

"I didn't say who."

Wonbin laughs from the other side of the room. Sohee throws the cushion at both of them. The cushion misses Eunseok completely and clips Wonbin in the shoulder instead, which earns Sohee a flat look from the wrong target while Eunseok keeps scrolling as though nothing has happened.

"You throw awfully," Wonbin mocks.

"I was aiming past you."

"Then you throw worse than I thought."

Sohee considers getting up and retrieving the cushion just to try again, but Shotaro is already collecting the last of the trash from the table, and Sungchan has finally remembered that tomorrow exists. The room begins to empty in pieces rather than all at once. Sungchan announces that if anyone makes him late in the morning he is blaming all of them equally, which earns enough complaints to restart the argument for another few minutes, and then he disappears downstairs with Wonbin behind him. Eunseok follows after finding his charger under the edge of the couch, pausing only long enough to tell Shotaro that he should probably stop pretending he is going to clean everything tonight.

"I am cleaning."

"You moved three cans."

"That's cleaning."

"Sohee can help you."

Sohee looks up. "Why am I involved?"

"Because you live here."

"I live here every day. That doesn't make every mess mine."

Eunseok gives him a small nod that somehow feels more insulting than a comeback, then heads downstairs.

The apartment settles quickly once the lower floor swallows half the noise. Shotaro carries the food containers toward the kitchen. Sohee stays where he is for a moment, looking at the blank television screen and pretending there is some reason not to move yet. Anton's room is down the hall. He knows that without looking. He knows where Anton keeps the extra cables, where the pile of figures has started spreading farther than it should, which chair ends up covered in clothes whenever their schedule gets busy, and which side of the desk Anton actually uses when he is working on music. None of this mattered an hour ago.

"Sohee."

He looks over.

Shotaro has stopped in the kitchen doorway with two empty bottles in one hand. "You going to sleep?"

"Yeah. In a minute."

Shotaro glances toward the hallway, then back at him.

Sohee points at him immediately. "Stop."

"I was going to ask if you wanted water."

"No, you weren't."

Shotaro laughs under his breath and disappears into the kitchen before Sohee can accuse him of anything else.

Sohee gets up because remaining on the couch now feels suspicious, even though there is nobody left upstairs except Shotaro and Anton, and Shotaro has apparently decided to become unbearable without actually saying anything. He grabs his cup, carries it into the kitchen, and rinses it while Shotaro wipes down the counter beside him. For several seconds, neither of them speaks.

Sohee can feel the silence waiting. He gives in first. "You can stop looking at me like that."

"I'm cleaning."

"You keep looking over here."

Shotaro folds the cloth once and runs it over the same patch of counter again. "You got quiet."

"I'm tired."

"Mhm."

Sohee turns off the tap harder than necessary.

Shotaro looks at the sink, then at him. "You're going to wake everybody up fighting with the faucet."

"I'm not fighting with it."

"You looked serious."

"I am serious."

"About the faucet?"

Sohee breathes out through his nose and reaches for a towel.

Shotaro lets him dry his hands before speaking again. "Anton probably meant what he said."

Sohee turns slowly enough to make it clear how little he appreciates the subject being revived. "Why are you saying that?"

"Because you keep thinking about it."

"I am not."

"You are."

"You're deciding that because I got quiet for five minutes."

"You stared at him after he left."

Sohee opens his mouth, realizes there is no useful answer waiting, and shuts it again.

Shotaro does not press harder. He rinses the cloth instead, wrings it out, and hangs it over the edge of the sink. "I don't think he was trying to embarrass you."

"I know."

"And I don't think he was joking."

Sohee looks down at the towel in his hands. "I know," he says again, quieter this time.

Shotaro rests one hip against the counter. "Then what are you worried about?"

"I'm not worried."

"Sohee."

"I just don't know why he said it like that."

"Like what?"

"Like it was obvious."

Shotaro thinks about that for a moment. "Maybe it was obvious to him."

Sohee hates how simple that sounds. He folds the towel once, then again, buying himself a few seconds. "That's weird."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"You picked me."

"Because you asked us to pick somebody."

"Anton did too."

"So you're saying his answer means something and mine doesn't?"

"I'm saying yours sounded like an answer to a game."

Sohee looks toward the hallway again before he can stop himself.

"He might still be awake," Shotaro says.

Sohee turns back immediately. "I didn't ask."

"No."

"Stop helping."

"I'm not helping. I'm going to bed."

Shotaro reaches over, pats his shoulder once, and heads down the hall toward his own room. Sohee stands alone in the kitchen. For a while, he considers going straight to bed out of spite. He even makes it to his room. He changes, gets under the blanket, opens something on his phone, and spends several minutes watching people move across a screen without understanding a single word they say. He rewinds the same scene twice. By the third attempt, he realizes he has no idea what happened the first two times because his brain keeps dragging him back to the living room.

Sohee hyung.

No hesitation.

I think it'd be comfortable.

He already knows my habits.

Sohee drops his phone onto the bed beside him. "This is stupid," he mutters. The room offers no opinion.

He lasts another three minutes. Then he gets up. Anton is awake. Sohee can tell before he reaches the doorway because there is a thin line of light under the door and the faint sound of something playing inside, low enough that it disappears whenever Sohee shifts his weight. He stands there for a second longer than necessary, suddenly aware that walking into Anton's room at nearly one in the morning to ask why Anton would hypothetically marry him is not the sort of thing normal people do. Unfortunately, normal people also do not spend twenty minutes pretending to watch television because their friend picked them in a fake marriage game.

Sohee knocks. The music cuts off.

A second later Anton calls, "Come in."

Sohee opens the door. Anton is at his desk, one headphone pushed off one ear and a laptop open in front of him. There is a small keyboard beside it, cables winding around the edge of the desk, and two figures standing precariously close to being knocked over by a notebook. He has changed into a loose shirt and looks more awake than he did in the living room.

When he sees Sohee, he turns his chair around. "You couldn't sleep?"

"I was going to ask you something."

Anton pulls the headphones down around his neck. "Okay."

Sohee steps inside and closes the door behind him, then immediately wonders if that makes the whole thing look more serious. Too late now.

Anton waits. Sohee had an entire version of this conversation in his head on the walk down the hallway. It disappears completely. He looks around the room instead. "What were you doing?"

"Working on something."

"The thing from earlier?"

"No. Another one."

"Can I hear it?"

Anton studies him for a moment. "You came here to ask about music?"

"No."

"Then ask first."

Sohee stares at him. Anton turns slightly in the chair, giving him his full attention now, and Sohee suddenly understands why this seemed easier from the hallway.

"You really meant that?"

Anton doesn't need clarification. "About marrying you?"

The bluntness nearly makes Sohee retreat. He settles for leaning against the edge of the desk instead. "You don't have to say it like that."

"That's what you came to ask."

"I know what I came to ask."

Anton nods once. "Then yes."

Sohee looks at him. "Yes, you meant it?"

"Yes."

"Seriously."

"I wasn't making fun of you."

"I didn't think you were making fun of me."

"Then what's bothering you?"

There is no accusation in Anton's voice. Sohee looks down at the floor and drags one socked foot over the edge of the rug. "I don't know." Anton waits. He is good at that. Sohee has always known he is good at that. "I thought you were just answering the question," Sohee says eventually.

"I was."

"No, I mean, I thought you were answering the way everyone else was answering."

Anton considers that. "I was."

"You weren't."

"Why?"

"Because everybody else was picking based on stupid things."

"Shotaro hyung picked Sungchan hyung because he can reach shelves."

"That's what I mean."

Anton leans back slightly. "I picked you because I think we'd get along."

"You already get along with me."

"Yes."

"So then why marriage?"

Anton looks genuinely puzzled now, not because the question is strange, but because Sohee seems to be separating two things Anton does not think are as far apart as he does. "It was the question."

Sohee presses the heel of his hand against his forehead. "Anton."

"I don't know what answer you want."

"I don't want a specific answer."

"Then I'm giving you the real one."

"You're giving me half of it."

Anton goes quiet. For the first time since he walked in, Anton looks away. His gaze drops toward the laptop, though he does not turn back to it.

Sohee's stomach tightens. "There is another half."

Anton breathes out slowly. "Maybe."

"So there is."

"I said maybe."

"That means there is."

Anton gives him a tired look. "You came here because you wanted me to explain, and now you're deciding the explanation before I give it."

Sohee straightens slightly. "Fine. Explain."

Anton is quiet for long enough that Sohee starts regretting how quickly he said it. Then Anton asks, "Why did you pick Shotaro hyung?"

"So we're talking about me now?"

"I'm asking."

Sohee crosses his arms. "Because he'd be easy to live with."

"That's what I said."

"Not the same way."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't start listing things I know about him like I've been keeping notes."

Anton looks down at his hands.

Sohee realizes, almost immediately, that he has said that too sharply. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know."

"No, I mean, it wasn't bad."

Anton looks back up.

Sohee shifts his weight against the desk. "It just sounded like you'd thought about it before." Sohee feels his pulse climb into his throat. "You have?"

"Not marriage."

"Okay."

"Just you."

Sohee's arms loosen.

Anton rubs one thumb against the side of his hand, speaking more carefully now. "I think about all of you. We live together. We work together. That's normal." Sohee nods once. "But with you, sometimes I notice things and remember them because I want to." The room feels smaller. Anton keeps going before Sohee can interrupt. "You make places feel less tiring. If we're somewhere loud, you usually know when I don't want to talk anymore, even if nobody else notices yet. You don't ask me to explain every time. And when I do want to talk, you listen."

Sohee looks at him without moving.

Anton glances toward the laptop, then back again. "You remember what I tell you even when I talk too much about something you're not interested in."

"That's not true."

"It is."

"I like hearing you talk about music."

"You didn't always."

Sohee lets out a quiet laugh despite himself. "I learned."

"That's what I mean."

The laugh fades.

Anton continues, softer now. "You make things easy."

Sohee swallows.

"That's why I picked you."

There is a long silence after that. Sohee stares at the floor for a moment because Anton's face has become difficult to look at. When he finally speaks, his voice comes out quieter than he expects. "You know that sounds like more than friendship." Anton does not rush to deny it. That is the moment everything changes. Sohee looks back up.

Anton meets his eyes. "I know."

Sohee's heart gives one hard, stupid beat. "Since when?"

"I don't know."

"How do you not know?"

"Because I didn't decide it one day."

"So you've just been walking around like this?"

"Like what?"

"Knowing you like me."

Anton looks down briefly, then gives a small shrug. "I knew I liked being around you."

"So do I."

"I know."

"And you didn't think that might be relevant?"

"Not until recently."

Sohee stares at him. "Recently when?"

Anton hesitates.

Sohee points at him. "Don't say tonight."

"I wasn't going to."

"Good."

"Maybe a few months."

Sohee drops his hand. A few months. That number feels somehow much more dangerous than eight years. "And you didn't say anything."

Anton looks at him steadily. "Would you have wanted me to?"

Sohee opens his mouth. Nothing comes out. Sohee hates that question because it does not let him hide behind Anton anymore. Would he have wanted Anton to say something? Yesterday, he would have laughed. A week ago, he might have panicked and changed the subject. Tonight, after hearing Anton say his name without hesitation, after sitting through the rest of the evening thinking about it, after coming here because the idea of Anton meaning it mattered too much to leave alone...

Yes. He would have wanted to know.

The realization is so obvious once it arrives that Sohee almost gets annoyed at himself. He looks away and rubs the back of his neck. "This is annoying."

Anton frowns. "Me?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"So many questions."

"You came into my room."

"I know."

"At one in the morning."

"I know what time it is."

"To ask if I meant it."

Sohee looks back at him. "You don't have to summarize the whole thing."

Anton actually laughs then, quiet and warm enough that some of the tension in Sohee's shoulders breaks.

Sohee watches him for a second. Then he confides, "I liked that you picked me." Anton stops laughing. Sohee presses on before he can lose his nerve. "That's why I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought it was weird because you were acting normal afterward, but then I realized I was the one making it weird because I wanted it to mean something." Sohee can feel heat climbing into his face now, but backing out would be worse. "So if you're asking whether I would've wanted you to say something before, I don't know. Maybe I would've needed time. But now I know, and I don't want you to act like this is nothing."

Anton looks at him for a long moment. "It isn't nothing."

Sohee breathes out. "Good."

Neither of them says anything for a few seconds. Then Anton wonders, "So what do we do?"

Sohee looks at him. There is something almost ridiculous about Anton being able to tell five people he would marry Sohee at thirty and then look genuinely uncertain about what comes next.

Sohee feels some of his confidence return. "We are not getting married."

Anton looks offended. "I know."

"Good. Just checking."

"I wasn't proposing."

"You made it sound very organized."

"It was hypothetical."

"Right. Very important distinction."

Anton shakes his head.

Sohee smiles despite himself and pushes away from the desk. "We can start smaller."

Anton looks up at him. "Smaller how?"

Sohee steps closer. "A date."

Anton blinks. 

The reaction is so immediate that Sohee almost laughs. "You can pick me as your husband in front of everyone, but a date is where you get nervous?"

"I wasn't nervous before."

"Clearly."

"I didn't think you were going to say yes."

"To the marriage?"

"To any of it."

Sohee's smile fades into something softer. "Well. I'm saying yes to this."

Anton looks at him for another second, then stands. They are close now. Closer than they usually are without some practical reason. Sohee becomes abruptly aware of Anton's hands, of the quiet room, of the headphones still resting around his neck.

Anton asks, "Can I kiss you?"

Sohee's brain stalls for half a second. Then he nods. "Yeah."

Anton leans in carefully. The kiss is brief. Soft. Almost cautious. Nothing dramatic happens. No fireworks, no sudden transformation, no impossible certainty about the rest of their lives. Sohee just feels Anton's mouth against his for a few seconds, warm and real, and when they pull apart they are still standing in the same cluttered room with the laptop humming behind them. Sohee looks at him. Anton looks slightly stunned now. That makes Sohee laugh.

"There you are."

Anton exhales, shaking his head. "Don't start."

"You were too calm before. It was irritating."

"You came here nervous too."

"I hid it better."

"You did not."

Sohee reaches out and nudges his shoulder. Anton catches his wrist before he can pull away, not tightly, just enough to keep him there. The contact settles between them.

Sohee looks down at Anton's hand around his wrist, then back up. "Tomorrow," he says.

Anton nods. "A real date."

"Okay."

"And we're not telling them yet."

"Definitely not."

"So if Sungchan brings up the marriage thing again..."

"I'm going to say the same answer."

Sohee stares at him. Anton looks completely serious.

"You are impossible."

"You asked if I meant it." Anton smiles then, fully this time, and Sohee knows immediately that tomorrow morning is going to be unbearable. For some reason, he does not mind nearly as much as he should.