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The next time that Lohen saw the captain from the Light Keepers was not for weeks later. Either paths just unfortunately did not cross, or the captain was purposely trying to avoid him after their last encounter, Lohen couldn't quite say. He didn't see the man at meetings and when he asked it was always with the answer that he was busy and couldn't attend.
He wanted to believe it, he did. Since their last meeting the quiet temporary peace from the Wild Hunt had vanished. It was almost like it knew that they were finally starting to rest, take it easy after all the hard efforts, the lives lost, in keeping it at bay and from wrecking catastrophe across this borean nation.
It certainly gave him something to do at least. Not that he had been looking for something to keep his mind busy. Not that he was running over every word and interaction that was spoken and done between them to try and really pinpoint where he had chased away Illuga.
Not that he hasn't tried to locate the man only to catch glimpses of him as he left and being told that he was unable to entertain him at the moment.
Love on the battlefield was bloody and messy. It got in your head and made you do stupid things. Only problem was that he did stupid things all the time, things that he knew could end so terribly but still he rushed in, adrenaline in his veins, blood pumping, heart racing as he bolted into the center of danger. He didn't see these things on a daily, it's why he pushed so hard to come on this expedition with the Grand Master. He wanted to leave Mondstadt behind, chase after the thrills of the world that he could not face if he stayed in that quiet little nation.
If this is what he always did, then why did the rejection, the stupid wants he let surface being denied, bother him so much? He watched the Grand Master stumble and do certain things, watched Flins smile slyly and whisper coy things that set his boss' face aflame but neither were shoved away, denied, or archons above suddenly gone off the face of the planet.
So why..?
It didn't matter. He kept trying to tell himself it didn't matter by the end of the first week of failed attempts to find the captain, to try and get his subordinates to let him see him.
It almost felt like a direct order from Illuga himself to not let him in. It didn't matter when he laid in his cot that night, staring up at the ceiling, feeling a restlessness that would not permit him to sleep. It did not matter when he pulled himself out of bed and left the camp quietly, polearm in hand.
And it most certainly did not matter when his walk through that island was interrupted by the quiet mists settling in. No, in fact that was good. He needed the distraction.
It still didn't matter when things went wrong.
Blood was roaring in his ears, his senses sharp and yet dulled at the same time as exhaustion started to creep in. Lohen had long lost track of when the mists weighed in heavy, when the wild hunt finally started to show their ugly, abyss corrupted faces.
At first it was the perfect distraction to the thoughts that had been distracting him. He wanted to clear his head of the whole ordeal, wanted to push away each feeling of confusion, want, hurt, everything. Each lunge of his polearm, quick swipe and stab with his dagger was used to try and rid these emotions from his mind.
Emotion hasn't powered his attacks in a long time. Fighting for the thrill of the game was much different than fighting to just try and clear your head.
A laugh bubbled out of his throat, why? He couldn't say. The body of the wild hunt enemy he had just taken down laid motionless beneath him, the flames of its head long extinguished. It was one of the smaller ones, an exile if he remembered correctly, nothing he couldn't handle.
Resting his free hand on the still body he tugged out his dagger from it's flesh, not feeling the usual satisfaction as the curved blade tore through to be pulled out. The blade dripped with the abyss, a dark purple pink liquid that has long replaced the red he was used to from the creatures back home. Blood didn't smell like it was corrupted, it didn't drip thick and heavy.
Each drop slowly fell and splattered onto the torn uniform of the exile, an outfit he never really paid attention to when he was out on the field. The only thing he would focus on was taking as many of them out as he could. He bounced, weaved and lunged at enemy after enemy, only giving enough attention to ensure that the bodies collapsed and did not rise again.
Their outfits looked like the light keepers, and that realization is perhaps the reason he had laughed in the first place. Why his grip tightened on the hilt of his dagger.
"Is that why you appeared tonight?" His voice in the mists would not reach anyone's ears. Nor would the encroaching wild hunt care to listen. "Had enough torturing people physically so now you're coming after them mentally?" His voice was carrying his last bits of care, last bits of control before emotion fully took over reason.
His chest tightened as he looked up, eyes quickly scanning over the exiles that seemed to just materialize out of the mists. The only thing he could focus on was the outfits, abyss corrupted creatures that bore the attire of the very thing he was trying to rid from his mind.
Illuga. The man who crept into his every thought without doing anything.
In an instant he pulled himself up, dagger tightly held as the shoreline exploded into action.
Sand was kicked up and displaced under his boots as the horde of exiles closed in, their steps wild and uncoordinated. He slid sideways as one exile rushed forward and then past him, turning to launch himself over another as they charged forward as well.
He landed hard in the wet sand, not caring as the frigid water splashed up against his legs.
Illuga. The man he couldn't understand no matter how hard he tried. He smiled in his company then ran the next.
A wave crashed against his ankles and then he was moving, each breath that left his throat coming out faster and rougher.
He ducked and then sprang out between two bodies before they could reach him, feeling a rush of satisfaction as he heard the garbled sounds that came from the creatures as they fell into the water. From all around him more cries and hoarse sounds came. Whether or not these things had feelings, he was sure that he was pissing them off now.
An exile came in and swung hands laced in abyss like lethal claws, in his duck out of the attack his dagger flashed on the way through.
Illuga. The only man who had managed to get in his head and make him do stupid things.
Each thought of the light keeper captain that crossed his mind made each of his attacks feel less and less coordinated. He'd dig his dagger in a little deeper each time, put more and more effort into his slices until his arms started to ache and strain.
Illuga. Why was it him? Why out of everyone he had ever met, why was it him that had made such a profound impact? Why did he make him chase after him like a dog, suddenly not caring about his missions and his past times, only wanting his time?
These thought followed him into his next swing at movement beside him. He swung his dagger heavy, wordless, following the practiced motions of his body in a moment of stress and survival. The dagger swung out in one clean arc, every ounce of strength he could muster behind it.
Steel rang against steel, in a vicious clang that rang in his ears. The impact of the hit jarred his shoulder, making it ache even more than it already has.
"Sir Lohen!"
He stopped breathing, chest tighter than it had been all night.
No…
Slowly, eyes wide, he lifted them. And there he was, the captain of the Nightmare Orioles. His spear was still braced against his, both of the captains gloved hands bracing the shaft of his polearm, having caught the strike barely and inch from its mark. Neither of their force behind their holds had waned.
Lohen looked over his face, concern and strain over his soft features. They then fell to where their weapons met, his dagger being held at resistance above his chest…if that had been any closer-
His stomach dropped, feeling a wave of cold wash over him.
He hadn't meant-
He hadn't even seen him.
"Illuga I-" Whatever words he wanted to say never got to come out. There was immense fear that had crossed the captains face as he looked at something behind him. He couldn't ask, couldn't even try to process or comprehend what could have caused such a reaction when he didn't look scared before.
The weight of something heavy and sharp collided with his stomach, sending him back a few feet before tumbling helplessly a few more. It felt like he landed in a heap when he suddenly stopped moving, a choked gasp finally leaving his throat. The world spun as he slowly pulled himself off of the sand, propping himself as best he could with one hand, his other curling around his torso before he could even feel why he was doing it. It was unnaturally warm, wet.
"Ha…hahaha…" When he picked his head up, the fog of the wild hunt felt more oppressive, swirling in ways that he couldn't distinguish was natural or not. Had it always spun like this? Was that normal? His head throbbed in ways that he hadn't experienced in years. The last time he could recall such a sensation was on one of his first few times sneaking out of the house. Despite stumbling back home in victory, bloody spoils of war in his satchel, it did not come without being knocked to the ground by a Mitachurl much bigger than him at the time.
In the swirling haze a bright light occasional broke through, darting between the darkness in erratic movements. He tried to focus on it, distantly feeling like he should be comforted by its presence. It cut through the fog, but it seemed to be powerless to the darkness that encroached on the edges of his vision, creeping in like spreading veins with each passing second.
Everything felt heavy and unsteady all at once, his body feeling like it was sinking down again.
This is what it took? Really?
The light he was trying to follow encompassed what was left of his field of view before even that too was swallowed up.
The world hadn't stopped spinning when his eyes opened again. All the colors in front of him blurred together, shadows mixing with the light, each item in his field of view merging into one mass that he could barely distinguish. He blinked once. The world still merged together, his head and each of his limbs feeling heavy. Felt much better to close his eyes.
When next he opened his eyes his head had lulled to the side, different shapes and colors being met in his field of view. He tried to say something he thought, but the movement that he caught could barely be made out before his eyes were slipping shut again.
Just a little more rest.
The final time he opened his eyes, it was in a rush. However long he was out seemed to have finally caught up with him, foreign sounds and voices slowly being processed in his brain before he was shooting up, eyes open in a frenzy. He felt more than sick as he tried to get up, legs tangling underneath a blanket that he hadn't registered was on top of him.
In the spinning world in front of his eyes he did not notice that he was starting to fall until he crashed into something firm and warm, firm hands on holding onto his arms, preventing him from pushing further forward or pulling back.
"S-Sir Lohen! You are alright I promise you, moving like this will only aggravate your wounds further." This voice was soft, deep, concern woven into each of the words. His mind slowly supplying him with the knowledge that this voice was familiar and comforting.
Breathing softly, Lohen let his body relax, eyes slipping shut again against this darkness, in taking the calming scent of amber and something he could only describe as a warm heath. He must've slumped further against the mass in front of him for it stumbled a little before the grip on his arms tightened a little and he was gently being moved back.
As he was pressed back into now what he could recognize as a soft mattress and pillows he opened his eyes again. The captain of the investigation squad slowly came into focus, brows knitted tightly together, worry in those gray blue eyes. "Hey Birdie.." Illuga slumped a little, like the tension he was holding in his body relaxed a little. He tried for a smile it looked like, but it couldn't quite overpass the worry.
"I told you not to call me that…" The captain sighed softly, grabbing a chair from somewhere he couldn't quite see and pulling it to the bedside.
"Yeah…but it fits." Lohen mused, letting his eyes slip shut again. With each breath that he took, now he was realizing the ache that followed. His face scrunched up in pain, moving his arm to the area that hurt the most. He was met with fabric that he didn't quite recognize, but with a little applied pressure and movement, it spiked the pain making his breath hitch but all the same he could feel the rough but soft texture of bandages underneath it.
A hand grabbed his, pulling it away from himself. He cracked open an eye to see Illuga looking more worried and slightly horrified, hand outstretched, holding his. "Are you trying to open the wound?" He pressed, flicking his eyes towards him. "Please do not try to, the medics only just left not too long ago and I do not want to bother them again so soon."
When he let his hand go limp in defeat, he did not comment on how Illuga never let go of his hand. "Fine. Whatever you say." Lulling his head to the side he looked around the room he was in, the colors, shadows and lights of the room finally combining back together with what they belonged to. The room was dim, not much light peaking in through the covered windows and only a small lamp on what looked like a bedside table was lit. It cast a warm light, one that didn't quite hurt to look at fully.
The walls were bare save a few paintings. Lohen couldn't help but let the thought cross his mind that these metal panel walls were honestly horrendous to look at. Everything here was metal, even the flowers he noted. Things messily welded together, secured with nuts and bolts. He didn't quite miss Mondstadt fully, but he could miss the cozy atmosphere, how the houses did not look like they were some mechanical project.
Everything was metal, even the furniture. It was honestly a little surprising to him that he was in such a comfortable bed and not laid out on some metal stretcher. Looking around some more did not give him much information. There was a desk, a couple doors he could guess that would take you out of this room and to a closet. Illuga's coat was hung on the back of one of these doors and as he slowly turned his gaze back towards the Ratnik he was indeed bare of the heavy coat he always wore.
His arms were bare, scarred, muscled skin open for the viewing. His eyes traced up each arm, following the patterns of each scar that he wished he could reach out and inquire about, trace his fingers over. When he looked at his face again, Illuga was looking back at him. They stared at each other silently for a moment before he spoke plainly. "Am I in your bedroom?"
Lohen didn't think he could ever forget how fast the other man's face lit up. Embarrassment, panic, worry, a few other emotions he could not quite make out fast enough all flashing over his face that had turned redder than he had ever seen. "It's nothing weird I promise!" His words came out fast and rushed, his hand squeezing over his. "The infirmary was full given the magnitude of recent Wild Hunt attacks so I took you here and invited a medic over to tend to what I couldn't!"
He laughed, only for a few seconds before he was wincing and coughing lightly at the pain in his stomach and the sudden realization of how dry his throat was.
"I feel special~" Lohen breathed out between a few coughs. "Or does the captain always invite injured soldiers into his bedroom?"
"Sir Lohen!" He laughed more. If his face could burn more he was sure that it would've, but he seemed to have pulled the man to his peak. The red had reached his ears and seemed to have crept down his neck as well. Cute really. He would've loved to admire it more if his throat wasn't so parched.
As his laughter and coughs slowly subsided he glanced around again, noticing a small glass of water tucked behind the lamp, idly with his free hand he pointed gently to it, trying to mask a couple more coughs. Each one made the pain in his stomach flare up again. "Is that for me? I feel like I'm in the desert right now-"
Despite being as red as he was, Illuga managed to pull himself back together enough to nod and speak a little. "Oh…yes that is for you. I didn't know if you would be thirsty when you woke up again but I wanted to be prepared in case you were."
Thoughtful.
Without any prompting Illuga reached out and grabbed the glass, holding it out for him to grab at a much easier length. Not wanting to choke here Lohen pulled himself to sit up, taking the glass from his hand and downing the liquid in one go.
The water slid down his throat easily, coating the dryness that had engulfed everything it felt like. Still cold, or at least chilly. When no more water came from the glass he lowered it before setting it off to the side again, sucking in a few deep breaths with his head hung low, now noting the chill in the room as well. It felt almost immediate the way that he felt goosebumps rise under his skin, a small shiver running down his spine. He was keenly aware now that yes, the captain's bedroom was far warmer than it was outside, but with the lack of his usual layers, nothing more than securely placed bandages across his torso and arms and a loose shirt, it was actually quite cold.
"Haha…" The small laughs he let out were a bit shaky but he still tried his best to mask them. "I would've thought living here of all places you'd keep your room warmer." This was one of the things that Lohen had hated about Nod Krai. When their expedition drew further and further north before they eventually settled in this frozen tundra, Lohen had always been annoyed with how much colder it was here. At nights in his tent he curled in his cot, pulling all the blankets that he could take without seeming greedy to preserve what little warmth he had each night. Even the warmers months hardly reached the temperatures in Mondstadt.
He never thought he'd say it but he missed home on the cold nights. Which…unfortunately was most every night. He missed the warm summer days when he could sleep with the windows open in his room, a cool breeze brushing in creating the perfect temperature in his room suitable to the amount of blankets he preferred to sleep under.
When the nights grew cold in the winter time he always fell asleep with the sound of a crackling fire in his hearth, the sound and warmth slowly lulling him off into comfortable sleep.
Here? He did not fancy the idea of spending all of his funds to stay in an inn whilst their expedition was here. It was entirely a waste especially when he was one of the few people here who got their entirely own tent. That meant bracing each night alone in the cold, the only fire he could hear being at a distance from the bonfire lit by the other drunken knights who refused to go to bed. As much as some nights he wanted to, he was smarter than lighting a fire inside of a tent.
When the colder months drew in he only curled up more, burrowing under blankets and cursing the fact that he did not have solid walls, cursing the fact that not even those little electrical heaters they got from Nasha Town could do much against the cold for him.
He picked his head up and looked at Illuga, eyes tracing over his body again. "Baffles me that you wear that as the only other thing than your coat. I'd ask for a shirt but I don't think you own one. How are you not cold?"
Illuga looked stunted by the question, pulled out of thoughts it seemed by the slight delayed reaction he had. The light keeper's eyes frantically searched around, making a few sounds like he was trying to come up with something to say but failing ultimately. "Well…it's not that I don't- it's just you know…"
Lohen raised a brow, actively fighting against the shivers that wanted to take control of his body. No. He did not know. The captain sighed, shoulders slumping.
"I do get cold sometimes just not often. I did not know my room wasn't up to your warmth preferences I can go grab you something if you'd like."
A few things crossed his mind with the offer. More blankets, a warm shirt, maybe one of those little heaters again because he was curious how much of a difference those machines would make inside the metal walls of a house. They were logical, doable, things that this captain would eagerly go and grab for him no doubt but…maybe he was a little tired, the passing of judgment over his actions stunted by that fact.
For the source of warmth he wanted to try out was not something in another room or a closet or drawer.
"I have an idea of something that can warm me, but that's all dependent on you."
"Huh? What do you mean by th-" Before Illuga could finish his sentence he moved, reaching out with his free hand, slightly squeezing the Ratnik's hand that was still holding his with the other, he grabbed onto the harness that covered Illuga's chest. He had to twist his body a little to grab it, but he paid no mind to it as his fingers curled under that leather and started to tug and pull the man closer.
Just as he thought, Illuga's sweater was soft to the touch, but even more so, it was warm. As he pulled the light keeper closer, that warmth radiating from his body enveloped more and more of his. Illuga stumbled a little, suddenly being pulled up, having to quickly prop a knee up on the bed to keep from crashing right on top of him, his other hand flying out to rest on the mattress.
The thing that Lohen focused on was his warmth drawing closer, and how he wasn't putting up any resistance. Realistically his failure in the Flagship last time should have been enough to deter a normal person from trying something again, but if there was one thing he had long been called, it was stubborn.
Lohen drew the other man in until their faces were close, breaths able to mix but their eyes still able to meet. Illuga's expression showcased his confusion, his worry, his brows knit so close together his face would probably permanently wrinkle. But his eyes. His eyes showed something different.
"S-Sir Lohen I don't think you should-" Lohen shook his head, letting go of the harness and resting his hand on Illuga's shoulder instead. He shuddered again, his skin so much warmer. How selfish could he be? Hoarding all this warmth all to himself.
"Just…humor me?" His heart was pounding in his chest, his voice feeling like it was coming out quieter and more uncertain than he wanted it to. Never in his life has anyone ever made him think and do things that he never would have before. Never had someone been able to distract him so fully that a monster could land such a substantial hit on him.
Never had he wanted to carve himself into another person's chest and make a home under their ribs and heart.
His hand slowly moved up Illuga's shoulder, curling around his neck and finding a home at the base of his head. No surprise to him but his hair was soft, and still, warm. His only reference for this move being that he had seen his parents do it before. Curl a hand around the base of their head and neck and use that grip to slowly pull the other person down until your lips met and-
He paused for a moment right before he had pulled Illuga close enough for their lips to meet. The speed at which his heart raced in his chest was not like adrenaline on the battlefield. He did not chase the feeling and use it to pull himself deeper into the battle. No…this time it made him feel nervous and sick, worries he did not want to entertain slowly creeping into his mind.
Illuga did not like it last time, why would he this time? You'll just scare him away again, maybe this time for good. He doesn't like you. He's made that clear.
He hadn't drowned in his thoughts since the last time he woke from a nightmare of his childhood, shooting up in bed, breaths uneven, heart racing to the point he felt sick. There was no one there to comfort him that time and there would be no one here now.
It seems he wasn't tired enough tonight. Or maybe not strong enough against his mind still-
Never in his life had another human being been able to silence all of his thoughts at once.
Just as he had started to pull back again, his worries gaining too much traction, Illuga had been the one to push forward. Their lips connected, at first frozen and still. Lohen's eyes widened, barely able to process the feeling before Illuga was the one suddenly pulling back, his face ablaze again.
"Sorry! I thought that's what you were doing and when you paused I got worried and you looked worried but I should have asked instead of assuming-" And this time, he was the one to lean forward and press a quick kiss to his lips, ceasing whatever else he wanted to spew out in that moment.
It was quick, nothing more than a peck but it still served its purpose and Illuga did stop talking. His own face felt as red as Illuga's looked, no longer as cold as he had been before. "N-no, that…that is what I was planning on doing." He confirmed Illuga's concerns? Thoughts? Whatever they were with his eyes struggling to keep his gaze on the other man. They wanted to scatter, stare at anything else but he was forcing them to stay firm on his face. "Granted I wanted it to be more surprising for you. And it was supposed to be something more…intense? Grand? But ha! No surprise I stuttered when it mattered most."
Rambling? Why are you rambling now?
Illuga laughed. Soft and light, making his chest feel airy and less ill. It made him feel more flushed but he wished he could sit there and listen to that laugh for hours. "I thought it would be more grand too, but I realized seconds in I actually don't know what I'm doing."
Oh.
"Does that mean you're not opposed to figuring it out together..? I'm much more of a physical learner, you know." There was no way he'd admit that he didn't know anything either, but the way Illuga looked at him, softened surprise and understanding…it made him feel like perhaps, sometimes, he could speak the truth with him. That he'd understand.
It still took Illuga a moment to respond though. The way his eyes subtly moved back and forth told him that he was thinking, but when he did, soft smile on his lips,"I wouldn't be opposed," spoken from his tongue, all worries were truly out the window.
As much as he didn't want to, he removed his hand from Illuga's hold, instead throwing both arms around the man's neck and pulling him down as he let his back crash against the mattress again. His sudden movements and quick change of position once again had Illuga struggling to catch up, hands quickly moving land besides his head so he didn't crash fully and headbutt him.
He tried not to think about what this position looked like, what it could entail. Illuga was over top of him, staring down at him with a flushed face, heavy breaths and a look in his eyes that made him feel like prey laid out before him. He tried to ignore that, ignore the rush of heat that went south, so instead he pulled him down more, far enough so then their lips could brush, once, twice, three times before sealing them together.
Illuga's lips were slightly chapped, no doubt a byproduct of the cold climate he lived in. He didn't mind the small scratches it gave against his own lips. If anything, it drew him in more, chasing the feeling for as long as he could before their lips were both smoothed out on each others.
It was obvious, at least to him, that neither of them quite knew what they were doing, a lack of rhythm and technique clearly there. With nothing to compare it to, these thoughts melted into small observations that were insignificant. Things he could ignore. But as one quick kiss melted into another, they slowly found it.
Each kiss was longer than the last, deeper and more addicting. His hands slowly started to grip onto Illuga's sweater, twisting and grabbing onto the fabric to ground himself more. He chased after his lips with every break, the sudden need for oxygen becoming the least of his concerns. Illuga felt warm and comforting, something…someone he wanted to always have by his side.
A few more kisses were exchanged before Illuga was the one pulling back, creating a distance that he would not be able to chase after without propping himself up. The sudden break made him aware of how light his chest felt from the true lack of air finally, but it still did not stop the whine that his throat, the tug on his sweater. "Illugaaaa…"
The man in question laughed breathy. "S-sorry, Lohen-" when he opened his eyes he was met with Illuga's head hung a little low, cheeks flushed and heavy breaths coming out matching his own. "I needed air."
He pouted, staring up at him despite the fact that his lungs too were making him suck in heavy breaths to try and replenish the air that was lost. Functions that his body needed, cares for other things, they were all out of his concern, much like many other things when it came to Illuga.
The space between them became quiet save it be their breathing, and a few sounds he could pick up from outside. Lohen can't say that he's ever truly been inside of Piramida before. He's seen the town? City? On top of the hill from afar, but otherwise he never really had reason to be here.
His hands that had gone lax in Illuga's sweater tightened again, using that hold to pull him down, or at least try to. Illuga came down slowly with little resistance, but he did still tug and pull out of his grasp so he could lay down next to him.
"I'm not laying down on top of you." He spoke plainly, moving to tuck his arm underneath his head, head turned towards him.
His body protested the movement, the healing gash of his torso aching and tensing as he rolled onto his side. He wanted to look at him though. Didn't matter if it would hurt. "I wouldn't have cared." He said.
Illuga looked displeased. "I would care. And you shouldn't be laying on your side." He hummed, ignoring his words as he rolled over again, resting his head on top of his chest, burying his face into his sweater, an arm draped over his torso.
His body quickly slumped against him, maybe too quickly. The Ratnik was like a heater. Better than any machine that he could stick inside of his tent, better than a fire he could light and sit near. It made his eyes heavy again, the tension of always being on edge slowly ebbing away and sleeping in a foreign place no longer keeping his instincts on alert.
"You're warm." He mumbled, nuzzling his head deeper. His chest was nice, definitely better than the pillows he was supplied with back in his tent.
"Um, well…yes I've been told I run quite warm before." A pause. "I'm sorry is this not uncomfortable for you?"
The only response Illuga got was another hum, maybe he tried to mutter out another word but his brain did not register that he did. The pull for sleep against the light keeper, against the exhaustion still in his body was still strong.
And when a warm arm tentatively wrapped over him, there was no fighting the sleep.
Everything could be figured out later.