Work Text:
Everyone wanted a statement, but there truly was nothing to say. They had been together one day and broken up the next – no big fight, no slow build-up, just a decision on an otherwise ordinary day. Though, maybe that wasn’t completely true. There had been no intimacy for weeks, no challenges without some passive-aggressive snap back, no friendly rivalry. The signs had been there but both of them had been too tired and stubborn to sort it; not when they were now official rivals in their jobs. It had slowly been getting harder to come home after a hard loss and see the reason for it without losing their shit, to know that the person you were supposed to love more than anything was the reason you weren’t holding a championship trophy all whilst they were trying to celebrate their win.
The bitterness had simply crept in slowly, starting with Tobio when he had lost the semi-finals to Hinata. He couldn’t explain it; the irrational anger that had crept in when he saw Hinata win the grand final and hold that championship trophy up, his engagement ring left somewhere in his bag back in the locker room. Maybe if he had worn it for once, Tobio could have felt like he was part of the celebration, but he wasn’t. He had been one of the losing teams, sitting in the stands watching his fiancé celebrate with that same wide smile he always had. And then he had run up to Tobio for a hug and kiss, to which Tobio had complied, but all he could feel was the burning shameful rage at not being the one to be there. To win.
Hinata had let it go, even though he could tell that something was wrong. He had been too excited, and maybe that had only served to piss Tobio off more. That Hinata had ignored how he felt just to celebrate his win, which Tobio had relentlessly labelled as selfish of him. But the truth was, it hadn’t been. Tobio knew he should’ve just let Hinata enjoy his win, enjoy how all of his hard work had finally paid off to become the ultimate champion in an international league. He was officially one of the best in the world.
But maybe Tobio had wanted to be there with him.
They hadn’t won at the Olympics – Argentina had. And then Tobio didn’t get his chance to win in the international league as well. Maybe he was starting to think he wasn’t as good as he had thought he was, if Hinata was now the best out of the two of them. Still, there had been no blow-out fight, but a distance had started to creep in between them. Hinata no longer ‘accidentally’ rolled to Tobio’s side of the bed or kissed him, besides the occasional kiss on the cheek. And Tobio had been all too happy to simply let it continue, to let the distance grow between them.
Maybe if he’d tried harder and actually talked to Hinata, but he had been too bitter and stubborn to do it. And then Hinata had pulled him down onto the couch to talk about them, or the lack thereof. Even then, Tobio had done nothing but nod along as Hinata talked about how he was going to live with Kenma whilst in Japan, before then moving back to Brazil. His stuff had been out within the next two days, with the help of Bokuto and Kenma who had given Tobio a number of sympathetic or glaring looks. Only a few people actually reached out to him, weirdly enough including Tsukishima and Natsu.
He had now been given two weeks off of volleyball and his sister Miwa had booked him for a therapy session the moment she found him crying on the floor after he had found his old volleyball journal filled with hearts with S+T written endlessly in them. It had been the first time in the month that they’d been separated that he’d actually allowed himself to feel what had just happened to him, having been taking it out on his serves and teammates relentlessly. It wasn’t lost on him that the coach decided to do that after Hinata had spoken to him, but Tobio had still been too in his head to give it any credit.
“And that’s why you’re here now?” the therapist asked, finally looking up from his notepad.
“I guess,” Tobio said, shrugging. He was never one to talk about his feelings in a setting like this, with a person he’d never met talking back and analysing everything that he said.
“I am sorry,” the therapist – who Tobio hadn’t caught the name of – said gently. Tobio wanted to roll his eyes; he didn’t need this random person’s sympathy about how much a dumbass he had been. He could do that well enough on his own. “I want to try something with you though.”
“Okay?” Tobio said, sceptical. In all fairness, he thought this whole therapy thing was bullshit, but he may as well put up with it since it had been Miwa who wanted this for him. He owed it to her, especially after she’d been cooking for him for weeks so he would stop eating curry, since Hinata had always been the main cook.
“I feel as though you would benefit from writing out all the good and bad about your relationships with everyone, including Hinata.”
“So, a pros and cons list?” Tobio asked, raising an eyebrow. How much was Miwa paying this man for internet-level advice?
“Kind of. But after, I want you to see where you contribute to them. It’s sometimes better to see on paper everything we contribute to a relationship; that way we can improve ourselves in a way that benefits both us and the people around us. Positive relationships are important to your health as well, Kageyama.”
Tobio simply nodded. He had never gone to any kind of fancy university or ever got good enough grades to argue with anything the guy was saying. He knew it wouldn’t be hard to really write the lists, not when there were so few people really in his life after Hinata had left. Most people chose Hinata’s side, even if the separation had been amicable between them.
“Okay, I will see you in two weeks then,” the therapist instructed, before soon enough ushering Tobio out of his office. He didn’t know if talking about any of that for an hour had made it any better, but for the first time in years, he was about to do homework and for the first time in weeks, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest.
🍊🫐🍊
He had just finished watching the most recent video from National Team training and a practice match, writing all his notes of the game in his volleyball journey. Even though it had been now almost two months since they had separated, every time Hinata jumped, he still wished that it was one of his sets that he was about to hit. Atsumu was doing well, Tobio knew that, but it didn’t stop the spark of anger that told him he wasn’t doing good enough to get the set to Hinata. It needed to be faster, the set more accurate, before he was forced to remind himself that Hinata was no longer his partner, in any capacity.
Tobio grabbed one of his spare notebooks that he saved for whenever he ran out of room in his current volleyball journal, setting it on his knee whilst he rested on the couch. He guessed he could start easy with Miwa.
Pros:
- She listens – when she’s not busy??
- We understand each other about our parents, even if they loved her more
- She loves to make herself someone I can rely on, even if I don’t say ‘thank you’ (set reminder to thank her)
Were there more pros he was supposed to write? This was supposed to be easy; this was his sister after all! Was all he could really write be three pros, next to what? How many cons could he write about her. Turns out: a lot. As he started writing them, he could feel the leftover bitterness from her leaving him as a child when Kazuyo died seeping into his words as he wrote them, followed by her marrying off and leaving him behind again, then her meddling into almost every aspect of his life. Somehow, he wanted her both closer and far away from him.
He sighed. He got it now – this was supposed to let him get his bitterness out and putting it on paper. It wasn’t to see where he went wrong in relationships exactly, but it was to see everything that he felt about the other person in front of him.
He turned over the page, putting Hinata’s name at the top.
Pros:
- Understands volleyball the same way I do
- Handsome; beautiful; every synonym of the word.
- Funniest person I’ve ever met
- Reminds me of Kazuyo
- He made me love being King of the Court, and accept myself
- Wanted the same things I did
- An amazing cook and learnt to make pork curry the way I like just so that he could surprise me on my birthday
- Makes every event of mine a big deal
- Would’ve been a great father
- Is a World Champion volleyball player now
- Is a hard worker
- Can read me like a book
Tobio could seemingly write about Hinata forever, as the words continued to spill through his pen. It wasn’t until the sun was dipping down and his eyes were drooping that he realised he hadn’t even gotten to the cons, and he had already covered two pages about the pros of Hinata. It was as if, temporarily, all the bitterness he potentially felt in response to everything that had happened between them had been suspended and Tobio had never felt it. It was as if Hinata could walk through the apartment door – the one that was still technically theirs – with that smile on his face as if nothing had ever changed.
He sighed, putting the notebook aside to walk over to his bed and lay down. He knew he needed to shower but he was simply so tired, collapsing onto Hinata’s side of the bed and cuddling up to the pillow where Hinata’s scent was slowly fading away. As he did, Tobio could feel himself being pulled into the lull of sleep, comforted by nothing but the warm wind coming in through the open window.
🍊🫐🍊
“Holy fuck, Sho.”
“Tobio, cuss one more time and I swear-”
“Oh, you’ll what?”
“I-I will divorce you!”
“And who is going to put up with your snoring?”
Shouyou gasped. “I do not snore! You take that back!”
A smirk played on Tobio’s lips, turning away from Shouyou to go back to packing their bags.
Tobio had no idea where he was. He could see a version of him standing in front of him, who looked as though he’d gotten very minimal street and with more outgrown hair. But they looked the same age, except this version of him had a golden band on his finger and was smiling somewhere off to the side, presumedly to where Hinata’s voice was coming from. As Tobio turned his head, he immediately caught the orange-haired man sitting on the floor, with a smaller figure sitting near him. It looked like a little baby.
They were bickering about something, with this other version of him packing a multitude of bags with what looked to be random food and baby supplies that Tobio recognised from when he took out his niece. He was clearly not being addressed, with both of these other versions of Hinata and Tobio not seeming to address or even look at him.
“What I had been swearing at was that apparently our flight is in two hours, instead of four.”
Shouyou paused his happy playing, and the small figure stopped making any noise.
“What.”
“I said our flight-”
“No, I heard you!” Shouyou yelped, jumping up from his seated spot on the carpet and scooping the small figure up into his arms carefully. “Are we all packed?” He asked, walking into the kitchenette.
“I think so.”
“Do you have Sachi’s stuff?”
“Yes. And don’t forget the toy, dumbass.”
“I swear…” Shouyou muttered, placing Sachi in Tobio’s arms and moving towards the carpet where he had been previously.
Sachi? Wait – was that the small figure that was currently being passed between the two of them? Now that she was in the arms of the other version of him, Tobio could get a better look at her. She had auburn red hair that looked like a slightly duller version of Hinata’s, with blue eyes that appeared rimmed with brown in such a way that it looked like their eyes had simply been mixed together. Was this – were they parents?
It wasn’t like it upset Tobio, he had always thought that maybe him and Hinata would have children together, especially with how long they had been together. But it had simply never happened due to them being way too busy with their careers, but these two here – they were making it work. They appeared the same age as Tobio after all and they were fathers to their own child.
Tobio felt a small pang in his chest at the thought that he had missed out on this; this life that he could have had with Hinata. Was this even real, or was this something Tobio was simply making up in his mind from missing Hinata? Was there really an alternate reality where this was their life; where they were in love with each other this much to have had a child together?
Shouyou was bouncing the baby in his carrier that was now strapped to his front and muttering soothing words into her red hair in between kisses.
“Grab the bags or we’ll really miss the flight!” Shouyou yelped, startling Sachi even more to further her crying fit. But it clearly spurred Tobio into action, with the cries tearing through the entire apartment complex.
“Let’s go,” Tobio said once, as he turned off all the lights, grabbed the bags and slipped his shoes on. Letting the door close behind him, he turned to see Shouyou already sprinting to the elevators.
“4002 to 4010!”
“I’m still ahead, dumbass!”
Ah, so they were still competing, even whilst being married with a child. Tobio wondered in what alternate universe this happened, where he and Hinata weren’t torn apart by their own stubbornness and instead, were building their own family and competing endlessly with each other. It was a nice future to look at, even if it technically wasn’t a future because that was them, right now, somewhere in the universe.
He recognised the apartment they were in as his in Italy, so they must’ve moved there together, but where were they catching a plane to? Back to Japan to be with everyone, who was hopefully still in their lives? Tobio hoped so – he hoped that this version of them was happy.
He suddenly felt as though he was falling, the world around him going black as he felt as though he was falling, triggering a weird sensation to go through his own body. He’d never felt like this whilst sleeping, he wasn’t even one to ever really dream either, but he could feel it now as if he was really falling through some dark black hole.
He forced his eyes to shut, straining against the sensation of falling so deeply into what seemed like the pit of the Earth. But wasn’t it supposed to be hot there? But then he was no longer falling, and he was sat in a chair that he didn’t recognise. It looked like a classroom, but it didn’t look like any classroom that he had ever been in before. He couldn’t even understand any of the words he was looking at – something about human biology?
But clearly the people around him understood what was happening, with the classroom being full of students that looked more invested than he ever had been in class.
He didn’t understand – was this the same place he had just been in?
Then he heard a familiar voice.
“Sorry! Would I be able borrow your notes?” Hinata whispered to the blonde girl next to him, who looked just like Yachi.
“Hinata, you really need to remember to bring your stuff with you,” Yachi seemingly scolded, though she still had her sweet bubbly voice.
“I know, I know. But- I got a date!” Hinata whisper-yelled excitedly.
Yachi fully turned to face him now. “Wait – with that cute setter you’ve been crushing on?”
“That’s the one!”
But…wait, hadn’t him and Hinata had a child in this universe? Or was this something completely different, where Hinata was in university? Tobio wanted to laugh at the idea that there was a single universe where Hinata made it to university; it seemed like idiotic concept when Hinata had barely passed every one of his assessments in high school. Tobio would know – him and Hinata were always failing their classes together.
But it was clear that he was still not visible in this universe, given that Hinata and Yachi had not even seemed to notice that the person they were talking about was behind them. Or at least, Tobio hoped that it was him they were talking about. In all fairness, he’d never heard the way Hinata talked about him to other people, even when they were best friends in high school; if Hinata talked to any of their friends about his crush on Tobio before they got together, Tobio never heard or knew anything about it.
It filled Tobio’s with so much love, but simultaneously sadness that Hinata would never talk about him this way again. He was describing Tobio in detail now to Yachi, enough that Tobio could pick out that it was definitely him that Hinata was talking about. He wondered if Hinata ever talked about him like that now, with the same large smile on his face and his dramatic sound effects when words become too hard to use to properly describe Tobio. He could see the love on Hinata’s face right now and it made Tobio hate himself for what he did to his Hinata, when the two in these universes seemed so effortlessly in love with him.
He wondered if the Tobio’s from their universe were ever awful to them.
“So, are you going to see him this week?” Yachi asked, a smile on her face.
“Of course! He’s going to set for me! Can you believe it? A set from a real setter, not the shitty one we have in Division 2, but a real one!”
“Don’t let Atsumu hear you say that,” Yachi laughed.
“You get what I mean though, right?!”
Yachi laughed again. “Yes, I do.”
So, there was a universe where Atsumu was setting to Hinata, one in which Tobio hadn’t been his partner his whole life, but he was setting for him now. They had still found their way together; in whatever way this had actually happened. Tobio felt a sliver of hope in this universe for them being together. It sounded like it was about to be their first date and Tobio sent a small wish out into the universe that this Tobio wouldn’t fuck it up. That he would make sure Hinata looked at him with the same amount of love that he was right now, all beaming and happy smiles.
He didn’t want another one of them to fuck it up.
🍊🫐🍊
When Tobio woke up, it was to his alarm that he had set for his run. He got up and got ready, as if in a transfixed state, pulling the same clothes on that he always wore for his runs and ignored the Karasuno jersey that he could see that was haphazardly thrown in the corner of the closet. He quickly laced up his shoes before exiting out the front door, heading down to run the same path that he always did.
The cold air felt nice on his face as he ran, with nothing but the sound of the world rushing in his ears. He could hear people getting ready to start their day, yet he was set to have nothing to do for the day, except for maybe the homework that his therapist set.
The dream though…that had been different.
He had never been one to dream. His whole childhood he heard kids talking about their dreams from the night before and when he was asked what he’d dreamt about, he honestly couldn’t remember that he’d even had a dream. Kazuyo had always said that it was normal to never remember your dreams, even when Miwa made fun of him for being weird. Tobio knew that Hinata had been one to dream, with the way he was always talking and moving in his sleep, then he’d always share them in the morning excitedly. He never seemed to find it weird that Tobio seemed to not dream at all.
But last night, he had had a dream. Seemingly two different ones, separated by the sensation of falling into a dark pit. But they had felt real, so very real, except the people in it couldn’t see him. And that the people in his dream were mostly him and Hinata, one where they had a child and one where Hinata was seemingly about to go on his first date with Tobio. Or that version of Tobio. It all looked like they were the same age in every version, but he didn’t have a child and he definitely had never gone to university.
But yet, in all of them, him and Hinata were together. And Hinata was smiling and laughing and challenging him as he always had, and that version of Tobio held no bitterness in his gaze when he had looked at his husband and child. He had looked at them with nothing but love and adoration – the way that Tobio should’ve been looking at his Hinata all the time.
As sceptical as Tobio was about things like the universe and alternative realities, it was honestly seeming as if it was. As if he was getting to see all the futures, he could have had with Hinata if only he had learnt to swallow all his bitterness and keep his light alive, not letting the competition and rivalry break them apart. But maybe that was what happened in the other alternate realities – maybe they were no longer competing and that’s why they were so happy.
Tobio took a deep breath, before slowing down into a small walk. In the mornings when Hinata still lived with him, they would stop and do yoga at this spot, before grabbing morning coffees and racing back home to see if they would be cold by the time they got home. It had become a new version of the routine Tobio had grown up with, but had become routine, nonetheless. He wanted to be able to run past it as he had plenty of mornings beforehand, but something was telling him to do something different. To change his routine.
He decided to walk over to the coffee shop, ordering one of the insane lattes that Hinata already ordered, and walked home, allowing himself to re-enter the world instead of trying to run right past it.
When Tobio finally arrived home, he made a small breakfast for himself before setting himself on the couch. There really was nothing to do when he lived alone and there was no volleyball, so he simply turned-on whatever volleyball game was on and ate his breakfast. He could see the list in his notebook from the night before sitting on the coffee table, but decided it was better to ignore it. He had had that dream last night and had changed his routine, all with Hinata on his mind, and maybe he wanted to be able to temporarily ignore it.
When his food was eventually finished, he rested his head on the back of the couch, watching half-heartedly as the game continued on, point after point being scored.
🍊🫐🍊
He was again struck with the sensation of falling, as if he was going into a dark pit that never seemed to end. But then the light was slowly swallowing him up, consuming him to the point of feeling as though he was going blind from the piercing white light. He tried to move, but found that he was stuck where he was, being forced to suffer through whatever was trying to blind him right now. Then suddenly, it moved, allowing Tobio to actually close his eyes and try to get them to work again when he opened them.
When he could finally open his eyes, he could see that he was sat on the front seat of bleachers at a racetrack. Well, what was made to look like a racetrack, but it really looked like a bunch of random streets with people lined up around them. He was still in a seating position, which was the position he remembered being in on the couch, but he was definitely not on his couch now.
He could hear, more than see, people cheering, with what looked like him and Hinata kissing in the middle of the racetrack.
Wait – what?!
Why the hell were they in the middle of the racetrack, kissing like they had nowhere else to be in life except wrapped in each other’s arms? Where the hell was the volleyball?! Tobio couldn’t even drive a car, let alone race with one, yet there was a version of him, dressed in blue racing gear with a helmet thrown next to his feet. And he was wrapping his arms tightly under Hinata’s ass, who was dressed in a black and orange racing gear that looked incredibly similar to the Karasuno uniforms they had grown up playing in.
“Can you believe that the King is kissing Hinata! I can’t believe it!” one person from the crowd called out.
“I know! I thought they were mortal enemies!” another person replied, yelling just as loudly.
Tobio was at a loss for words. He slowly moved closer, taking advantage of the fact that he seemingly could not be seen, walking over to where Hinata and this version of him were now separating from their intense make out session in the middle of a racetrack. They were both smiling at each other, as if they had just come to the realisation about something or finally acted on something between them.
But they were rivals, weren’t they?
“I cannot believe you won, dumbass,” Tobio laughed, smiling up at Hinata now that he was a little higher than Tobio thanks to being lifted up.
“I know! Can you believe it, Tobio?!” Hinata cheered, vibrating with the joy of it.
Tobio simply connected their lips again, before whispering a small “I love you”. Even if the crowd didn’t hear it, Hinata definitely had as he responded with an even louder “I love you too!” If Tobio had wanted to keep their love for each other private, Hinata had just revealed it to the whole world with a beaming smile and an echoing laugh.
Tobio couldn’t believe it. Him and Hinata, in another universe, were making out in the middle of a racetrack after Hinata had just beaten him, where he seemed to be the reigning champion? He wanted to ask this version how he could still look at Hinata with that same love that Tobio could recognise on himself from a mile away, even if he was losing. How did he never feel that bitterness creeping under his skin or the burning heat from the anger that he had lost? That there was no real competition anymore because Hinata had finally done it – he had finally won the best of things there was to win, and there was no longer any room for your competition to exist on the same scale anymore?
He went to open his mouth, to ask, to question, before feeling the world fall out from under him. He was slowly becoming accustomed to this feeling as he fell, as if the darkness that enveloped him when he did so was something that he should grow to love instead of something that he needed to fight against. This was his life now whenever he closed his eyes, so he guessed it was now easier to simply accept it.
But when he opened his eyes, he was surprised to be in a setting that he had never been in – a castle! Or what looked to be a throne room, more like. And there, sat on the head of the throne, was himself, staring down at him. So, this is what people must mean when they say that he looks and acts like a King, with the look that himself was giving him almost instinctively making him want to bow down and submit. But then he remembered that that was himself, with the look on his face being more from grief than it had ever been at anything else.
Hinata had understood that better than anyone.
“To-bi-o!” he heard Hinata call out in a singsong voice.
When Tobio turned, he genuinely fell to his knees. Hinata looked stunning, with his hair grown out and curly again as if it had never really changed from their third year. He had a flower crown set into his hair filled with a mixture of daisies and sunflowers, though with simply clothes covering his body. The only sign that he was more important than he let on was the silver band on his finger, glistening with hundreds of tiny diamonds that Tobio could see from how close they were. He was stunning like this, with the beaming smile lighting up the entire throne room as well as brightening up the version of him sitting on the throne.
Tobio stood immediately, not wasting a second to rush forward and hold onto Hinata in what looked to be a crushing hug. But Hinata paid it no mind, hugging him back just as tightly and leaving small quick kisses wherever he could. The sound of kissing and sighs and “I love you’s” filled the room, making the room feel as though it was tiny with only them inside of it. Their glistening and matching wedding bands were bouncing off the sun where they were on their hands splayed against each other’s backs, too focused on kissing each other to even notice them practically blinding anyone from actually seeing them.
Tobio imagined that’s what Hinata had wanted that day when he’d won the championship, with that same look of adoration that Tobio the street racer and Tobio the royal King had given their respective Hinata’s. But how had this Hinata never felt any resentment, when, despite being beautiful, he looked like a commoner with plain clothes and a flower crown next to the royal linens that this version of Tobio was dressed in. How had street racer Tobio never felt any resentment when Hinata had finally beaten him, and then there was no point to the competitions?
How could was it ever possible to move past those kinds of things and with such ease that a simple kiss was all that seemed necessary to take all that bitterness away? But even if it didn’t take the bitterness away, Tobio yearned for that kiss with Hinata. For that symbol of connection again, that proof that he loved him so he could look at him and smile as if Tobio was still his entire world. He did that in every alternate universe, so why couldn’t he do it his world?
But then again, why could every other Tobio swallow his bitterness and pride as well?
He sighed, simply now watching the way Tobio led Hinata up to the thrones, smiling and talking more than Tobio himself ever really had, especially in those last few weeks of them being together. Was it the talking – the communicating? Is that what Hinata wanted and needed? Or was it the kissing and the love?
Or maybe it was all of it.
Tobio just had been too stubborn to see or care about any of it.
🍊🫐🍊
He had seemingly avoided having dreams for the next few days, as he continued with his new routine and actually writing out his pros and cons list. Though, he left Hinata’s cons blank. The dreams had shown him something, shown him the version of the world where his bitterness didn’t get the best of him and where Hinata loved him as much as he always had. He had no reason to write Hinata’s cons when they were really all his; he was too bitter, too stubborn, too much, didn’t communicate enough. In versions of the world where he did just that, he still had the love of his life in his arms, smiling and kissing him as if there was no one else in the world. Talking about him as if he was the most amazing person in the world to his friends, dressing himself up in flower crowns with a beaming smile, all just for Tobio.
He guessed it was worth simply mourning the relationship he had had with Hinata now. It was officially two months to the date and there had still been no communication between the two of them, as much as Tobio wished to simply text him.
How was training today?
How are you feeling?
How is Natsu and your Mum doing?
I got that latte that you like. How do you even drink it?
Do you wanna talk?
Do you still love me?
They were all dumb; he had deleted them as soon as he had finished typing them. At least in his universe, there was no way Hinata wanted to hear from him. He had had a few people check in on him, of course, but none of them were Hinata. That didn’t mean he didn’t answer them, trying to give more descriptive answers because he wanted to communicate. He had always thought that people like Hinata seemed to just understand him, so there was no reason for him to actually talk so much because Hinata could do it for him – he was now realising how very wrong that was.
He crawled achingly into bed after having finished one of the yoga routines that Hinata had taught him. He had taken to filling his days with organising his apartment and running errands that he had never run whilst he was playing, as well as taking to painting what was called a “feature wall” in the apartment that was an easily recognisable tangerine orange. He thought it made his apartment look less like a serial killer belonged there, which was something Hinata had always complained about. He had always wanted to paint the apartment or do something like what was now being done, with cute mugs and towels and feature walls that made Tobio feel closer to him in a way that he could no longer be.
But surprisingly, it was helping him heal too.
He knew that, in alternate realities, him and Hinata were happy together, where Tobio had actually gotten his shit together and made it work. And he was happy with that – as long as there was a version of this universe where him and Hinata were happy, Tobio could live and be happy with that fact. So he would spend his current time off honouring Hinata in his life in small and meaningful ways that made him think of him without missing him.
But just as he felt comfortable falling asleep, tucked into the middle of the bed rather than holding a preference for side, he suddenly felt the onset of a falling sensation, one that was so distinctly familiar as his eyes closed and went black. But this time he wasn’t scared of it; he was willing to allow whatever universe they were going to show him.
He was ready for it.
🍊🫐🍊
“Shouyou!” Kageyama yelled. Hinata refused to turn around, continuing walking forward, before he heard Kageyama speed up to be only a few steps behind him. “Shouyou, listen to me!”
“No!” he yelled, turning around abruptly and stopping Kageyama in his tracks. “I don’t need to listen to you after you embarrassed me!”
“I-I didn’t mean to embarrass you! I can explain, I promise!” There was desperation in his voice.
“Then explain!” he yelled, sobbing slightly. “Explain to me why you said all that to fulfil whatever lovesick fantasy of us you’ve been trying to fulfil!”
“It’s not a fantasy,” Kageyama pleaded. “It never was, I promise. I-I tried to tell you so many times but each time, it just seemed wrong! We were either playing volleyball or kissing or arguing, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“Wait,” Shouyou snapped. “Was that what you wanted to tell me yesterday? That you loved me the whole time?!”
“I-yes. But you don’t understand…”
“I understand perfectly, Kageyama! You’ve hidden being in love with me since middle school. But I gave you a chance on our date, and you fucking blew it. And then I kept giving you chance after chance, and you kept blowing it. And just when I finally had feelings for you and liked you, you make everything confusing all over again!”
“I know I blew it, Shouyou! Don’t think for a second that I didn’t hate myself every time I hurt you, but it was just too much! I’d wanted you for so long, you have no idea.”
As ready as Tobio had been, he had not been ready to see him and Hinata yelling in the rain. Both of them were dressed in their Olympic uniforms with gold medals around their necks, as if they had just won and made it to the top together. So why were they fighting? They had achieved everything that they had ever wanted!
But it was the words. Something about how Tobio hadn’t told Hinata that he was in love with him, and blew it with Hinata? Was there a universe where Tobio was blatantly in love with Hinata, or that he never confessed, and it still tore them apart? That that bitterness existed even if they had never been together?
“Because-because you did like me, and you liked me today! And when you thanked me for helping you, I thought that was you admitting that. And each time I kissed you, you never ran away from me and kissed me back! And when we argued yesterday, you seemed so intent to prove to me that I wasn’t just a friend that I…I just thought…”
“Thought what?! That I had loved you like that too?!”
“At least a little bit,” Kageyama said, tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he stared at Shouyou’s glaring face.
“I’m not some part of a mistaken fantasy, Kageyama! I am a real person and I asked you to just talk to me, and you couldn’t even do that! You don’t even know anything about my life! You can’t love someone like that!”
“I-I know about volleyball, Shouyou! I understand why you play like you do, and what drove you to be where you are! I know that you are a force on the court, and how high you can fly when you want to!”
“Not just everything is about…” Shouyou started.
“Wait! Wait!” Kageyama pleaded. “And I know how you have a childish sense of humour! You try to learn everyone’s names, even when they’re horrible to you, and you make friends with all your competitors! I know that you wake up early for yoga and that you find Yuji and your friends annoying when they get all lovey dovey! I know that you love to get tosses until you die! I know that you have one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen in the world! And-and I know that you prefer soft but hungry kisses to hard ones, and that you prefer to set your own rhythm than follow anyone else’s!”
“Kageyama…” the tears falling even harder down his face than when he had been running or yelling.
“Please, Shouyou!” Kageyama begged, tears falling freely down his face as well. “Just listen to me.”
“I can’t!” Shouyou screamed. “I’m not who you think I am in your fantasy, Kageyama! No matter what you say, this is still insane! You were in love with me from a small interaction and have obsessed over me for years! You blew it!”
“But you had feelings for…”
“Well, I don’t anymore! I’m not some fantasy, Kageyama, and I refuse to fulfil yours!”
Those things were true. He knew all of those things about Hinata, even if had no goddamn idea who Yuji was. And that was even more true – he had obsessed over Hinata from the moment that middle school game had happened, and he had, despite being an asshole to Hinata for their first year of high school, been falling harder and harder for the older man. He was everything he had ever wanted; he was his “someone better” that Kazuyo had promised him.
But looking at these two now, watching them fight over the same obsession that had been the thing drawing them together, made Tobio feel his heart break slightly. But then this version of him was running, running after his version of Hinata that had just bolted down towards the Olympic Village, despite everything that Hinata had said.
Despite it all, this version of him was chasing him. He was fighting for Hinata, for them, as if nothing that had happened truly mattered and it could all be fixed. As if whatever this version of Tobio had done, he could fix it by simply telling and showing Hinata just how much he loved him. And as much as Tobio wanted to pretend that was some fucked and corrupted logic that didn’t apply in his real life, he wouldn’t be able to know – he had simply accepted it when Hinata had gone to leave.
He could have fought.
It was as if he had never slept as he opened his eyes, seeing the same darkness outside that he had seen before he’d tried to fall asleep. But it had still felt like a dream, though all the other dreams had felt equally as real.
Tobio kicked the blankets off of himself, throwing on his clothes and his shoes before racing out the door. He couldn’t explain the sudden urge to just run, but not to run past the world and ignore it – but to run to the one person that was his world.
He needed to fight for it now. He needed to communicate now, to be the person that Hinata had wanted and deserved. Just like every other version of himself, he wanted to earn Hinata, make him realise how special he truly was and make him fly as high as he wanted to go. So long as Tobio could be the one to be by his side.
He stopped when he saw Kenma’s house, rushing up the door and frantically knocking. He couldn’t even explain how he had run there, simply fuelled by the adrenaline. The same adrenaline as the Tobio in the last alternate reality must’ve been.
“Kageyama?” Kenma asked softly as he took in the sight waiting for him at the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see Hinata,” Tobio said immediately.
Kenma paused, looking behind him before facing Tobio again. “I don’t think he wants to see you. I’m sorry, Kageyama.”
“But I-” Tobio started but was soon cut off by the door slowly closing in front of him. Kenma wasn’t even giving him the chance to open the door and speak to Hinata, to tell him everything he should have said two months ago. He put his arm out, blocking the door from closing, which made Kenma stop and look at him curiously. “Please let me just talk to him.”
Kenma sighed, his gaze hardening into a sharp look. “I’m only doing this because you seem desperate. If you hurt him again, I’ll ruin you.”
Tobio nodded, before Kenma opened the door the full way. And there, sitting on the couch staring at him with wide eyes, was Hinata, who looked even more stunning in person than he had in any of those alternate realities. Tobio could see the bags under his eyes and the way his hair had grown out, but he was still the most beautiful man Tobio had ever seen. This was still the love of his life, and he loved him more than life itself; he was prepared to fight for everything he wanted, everything that he was now learning every Tobio had beside them. They were supposed to be together in every universe, no matter what.
“Kageyama…” Hinata started, before gasping slightly as Tobio dropped to his knees in front him on the couch. He hadn’t meant that to be part of it, but he was just so overwhelmed from the run and joy of seeing Hinata that he couldn’t help it.
“Please let me talk,” Tobio breathed out, before taking a deep, settling breath. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I should’ve – there’s so much to say to you. I should’ve fought for you; I shouldn’t have let myself become bitter over you winning. You deserve everything that you ever received; you are one of the hardest workers I have ever met. There are so many things that I love about you that we could be here all night and day. And I will spend the rest of my life telling you about each and every one of them, if you’d give me the chance. But I will fight for you every day. Even if you don’t want to see or talk to me anymore, I will be there. I will be the annoying person that makes sure you’re drinking that disgusting latte you love that you’re doing your yoga or drinking enough water, that you’re not skipping stretches to go out to dinner with the team. I’ll even make sure you remembered to pack everything because I know you forget the little things, like the Karasuno jersey of yours that’s still crumpled in our closet. Just…please, Sho.”
Tobio looked up at Hinata, where he could see tears running down his cheeks. He stretched out, testing to see if Hinata would move away, but when he didn’t, Tobio wiped the tear away softly. He let his fingers linger, cupping Hinata’s face. It was so warm and perfect, even if Hinata’s eyes were red and filled with tears. He was as beautiful as he had always been, and Tobio wanted him, more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life.
“I waited for you for so long to just say that,” Hinata said, crying harder.
“I know,” Tobio said, trying to give a soft sympathetic smile. “And I should have done it in the first place. But I will make it up to you and if I don’t, Kenma can ruin my life. He can have it, because there’s no volleyball or life without you.”
Hinata laughed. “You don’t hate me?”
“Never!” Tobio said, jumping forward to place both his hands on the side of Hinata’s face. “I know you probably hate me, but I have never hated you. Not for a second.”
“I never hated you,” Hinata said softly. “I just…I wanted you to fight for me. Or talk to me! You were so cold, Tobio. I couldn’t live like that anymore.”
“And you won’t,” Tobio said, trying to reassure him. Trying to prove that he was different; better. “I even painted that wall tangerine orange just like you wanted. The apartment is filled with things that I said were dumb, and I’m sorry. I will do anything you want, if you will let me.”
Shouyou brought a hand up to wipe away his tears, a soft laugh escaping him. “You’re such a dumbass for this.”
“I’ll let you call me that for the rest of eternity. Just…please,” Tobio asked, a small soft laugh leaving his lips as well.
“And 1000 wins?” Shouyou asked, a mischievous glimmer in his eye alongside the tears. He could still sense some hesitance, but he also knew Hinata. He could see the love that he felt for him in the way he smiled and laughed, the same way that every other Hinata in every other version of them did.
“That too,” Tobio assured, before Hinata leant down and kissed him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. It felt like a coming home, as if Tobio finally had the world and the sun and the whole universe back in his arms. As if the universe had slid back into place and had been corrected, with now, even in their universe, they were together.
Tobio sent a small promise back to the universe to never disrupt it again, to better himself for the man that he was currently holding as much as he had always deserved. He was loving the sun after all, and the sun deserved whatever it needed to shine brightly. Even if Tobio had to be the Earth that simply received the sun’s rays, he was forever fortunate enough to be the only planet that got to be beside him and benefit from all the good that he brought to the world.
As he looked down into Hinata’s honey-brown eyes, he simply smiled.
“Let’s go home.”
“and then there was you – suddenly and unexpectedly, but right on time.”
- m.m. mcneely