Work Text:
"Look, I know I'm not making a great case for keeping me alive, but you need to understand that humans, as a species, are incredibly high maintenance. It takes a LOT of work to keep ourselves healthy and tend to our basic needs. Attempting to keep me as a pet is a serious undertaking, assuming you're going to be a responsible owner."
"...Just what, exactly, does it take to keep a fleshie healthy?"
"The basics are a balanced diet and access to clean water for consumption and bathing. Our diets are extremely varied, but much of what we eat needs to be cooked or otherwise prepared to make it palatable. That in of itself requires the resources to cook the food and clean the resulting mess up afterwards. Which leads into the next thing. Waste elimination. As a byproduct of how our digestive system works we excrete solid and liquid waste."
"Oh, that is positively vile. And you do that every day?"
"Usually multiple times a day. Not having a proper waste disposal system will make us sick. So will not cleaning ourselves and our clothes. Larger forms of organic life on this planet tends to have an interesting relationship with the microorganisms we share the planet with. We have a symbiotic relationship with some of it, but the buildup of the oils and sweat we produce can cause bacteria blooms and can make us ill.
"You...have microorganisms that live on you?"
"Not just on us. Inside us, too. Our gut health and in the case of some of us, our reproductive system, require various kinds of bacteria to properly function. Not sure if this is true, but I was once told that in terms of the sheer number of cells, we are more bacteria than human cells. It's just not noticeable because the human cells are bigger. Besides general hygiene like bathing, there's also oral hygiene to consider. We need to brush our teeth and floss in between them everyday. Because of the aforementioned bacteria issues. And all of THAT is just the bare minimum."
"There's MORE?!"
"So much more. We also need access to sunlight, but not too much. Because too much sun is harmful. Along with proper forms of enrichment so we don't fall into a depressive state. We're incredibly curious creatures and will often try to entertain ourselves...sometimes in dangerous ways if we're not given proper stimulation. Humans should also have a way to exercise and need soft bedding for sleep. Oh, and in the case of humans with functional female reproductive organs, there's one other specific need. We have what we call a "'menstrual cycle.'" For three to seven days, roughly once a month, the lining of one of the reproductive organs sheds and is released through an orifice. This results in bleeding and more often than not, pain. Sometimes debilitating pain. Anyone who goes through this needs a way to deal with the blood and needs pain management. The hormonal shifts during this time often cause mood swings as well."
"Human femmes BLEED every orbital cycle?! This is normal for your species? I already knew your kind to be fragile, but this is excessive."
"Fragile? Oh, honey...we're expected to work through the pain and be polite through our irritation and depression. And if we're not, we get called irrational and bitchy. Fragile, we are not. Anyway, that's all I can think of at the moment for why you should really, really think on if you actually want to keep me as a pet. Not exactly what you were thinking of, huh?"