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Lee Felix was walking down the street, headphones on and listening to ‘Wish You Were Here’ by SuperM. Lix was walking to practice from the dorms by himself.
He suddenly felt sad listening to this song because it reminded him of someone he really wished was here. That, mixed with the melancholic beat and rhythm, made him decide to make a detour.
Arriving at the cemetery, liquid began falling down his face. He looked up to see that it was the stupid, sudden summer rain.
Felix let out a sigh as he walked to the one he came for, internally thanking God it was under a tree.
“Been a while, huh?” he said in English.
The blonde removed his headphones and sat down.
“Ain’t that right, Dad?” he smiled.
Felix noticed how the grave was getting kind of dirty, which reminded him of some stupid person he saw on TikTok.
“How have you been? I hope well. I’ve been doing good lately. We just released our new mini album ‘Do It’ and sales have been great. Our movie is coming out in a few months as well, remember? I told you about it when we were filming this spring.”
He rambled on about more nonsense for a few minutes.
“I really miss you, y’know? So does Olivia and Rachel. And Mom. They were actually telling me what a hard time she has been having recently,” the boy recounted.
“It still feels like just yesterday, y’know? Even though it happened almost a year ago.”
Felix felt liquid steadily flow down his cheeks.
This time, it was salt water, not rainwater.
Seconds later, he was sobbing as he pulled his legs up and buried his face in them.
“I-i-i m-m-miss you, appa…”
He could hardly speak.
This pain was on another level.
So much sadness and guilt was tied to it. But Felix couldn’t even articulate his thoughts.
He felt so guilty for not being there when his dad died. No matter how many times people told him, “It’s not your fault,” in his mind, it always was.
His dad had begged him to come down because he had known. And Felix didn’t.
But, of course, he had put it off with the excuse of, “We are too busy right now,” or, “In due time.”
But in the end, there was no more time.
And Felix, being Felix, blamed himself for everything.
He resented himself for it.
He resented everything.
His members, his career, JYP, all of it.
“I’m so sorry, Dad,” he spoke through his tears. “But I really have to go now..... I love you so much.”
The boy slowly stood up and walked towards the cemetery gates just behind him.
Sniffling, he put his headphones on and hesitantly looked back one last time before starting on his way to the company building.
Thankfully, he arrived quickly, greeting the front desk lady, whose smile turned into concern for a fleeting second after looking at the blonde.
Felix headed to the bathrooms closest to their practice rooms.
He could already hear the sound of Jisung and Hyunjin bickering, Changbin yelling, Seungmin warming up his vocals even though it was ‘Dance’ practice, and Chan laughing at everything.
Entering, he turned to the mirror, poured the eye-drop things in, and waited for them to work their magic.
After a few minutes, he was on his way to their ‘Room 304.’
Pushing open the door, he was greeted with every member’s body turning to him.
“THERE you are! I was wondering what took so long! I mean, I know you walked instead of driving, but still! What took so long?” Chan asked, half-concerned.
“Oh, nowhere. I just made a detour,” Felix answered, smiling.
Chan could read him too well.
His smile didn’t fool the leader.
“Awww, c’mere,” he exclaimed, pulling Felix into a warm hug.
Chan leaned down a bit.
“You’re good, mate. It’s fine. Are you still sad?” he whispered into his ear.
“No, no, I’m okay now.”
The elder pulled away and gave Felix a soft look.
“Let’s start practice now, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Felix agreed.
He looked over to see Hyunjin’s eyes on him with a worried expression, which the dancer quickly turned into a loving smile towards the younger boy.