Chapter Text
Nomikos is the one who finally comes to tell me what's happening to my Role, and I wouldn't have expected it to be him; he's part of a triad, and has plenty of other things to do. He finds me playing with Wind relievers up above the trees, and while they scatter, says, "Do you have a moment to talk?"
"Always!" I spin around him and settle down to the ground beneath the branches, where two Warriors give Nomikos disgusted looks and stalk off in another direction. I've never understood why they're still holding a grudge about that trial, but then, I've never understood most of Heavenly politics. You'd think people could get over these things. "Sorry I haven't been by to see you all lately, I've been, well, kinda trying to work things out." Like what I'm going to do now, and that's a question I haven't been able to answer, even with help from people smarter than I am. "How are Adala and Dedan?"
"Adjusting," Nomikos says. He sits cross-legged on the grass, leaning back against the enormous tree trunk, and I roll in circles around the trunk while he talks. "Dedan is back on Earth working with another triad, Adala was, last I heard, assigned to certain tasks involving filing, and I am...here."
"Dedan's with a different triad? Why?" I rotate in front of him. "What happened?"
"Judgment business," Nomikos reminds me. "He'll be fine."
"Oh. Well. I'm glad everyone's okay." I was surprised when of all the people who showed up in that raid no one from my triad was there, but rescue operations aren't their job. They have a lot of people to take care of. I wonder what it's like when they talk with other people, especially other Creationers, but it's not something I can ask them about. I bet I could ask other Creationers what happens when Judges come by, which isn't cheating the system, just working around it from a different angle. "So what did you want to talk about?"
"Your Role back on Earth."
I've been trying not to think about that. There's nothing I can do from here, and most of the people I'd try to talk to about this sort of thing are back on Earth, or working for other Superiors now and busy with stuff that...isn't the Boss's work. Most of them he put there himself, so I'm sure it's all right and proper, but it means their priorities are different. "What's happening with that?"
"Certain people...worked things out. With some help from the Flowers Tether near you, and other Servitors of Eli who could spare the time. The story they've prepared is this: Kai Dawnson, assistant ballet teacher, was not involved in any inappropriate behavior, but was set up by the culprit to take the blame. He was shot to keep him out of the way, and cast suspicion on him; the culprit then coerced various children into blaming the missing teacher. When the murderer realized he was about to be discovered, he killed himself rather than face the charges. The board is helping the patrons of the community center recover from the affair, and while there will be setbacks, it will not have to close. In another year or so, if you found a Role and vessel for the purpose, you could probably return and restart the dance program."
I orbit the tree a few times, trying to absorb this. That Role is dead and gone now, no chance of picking it up again, but I was sure that would happen. All those kids thinking I'm dead... but at least the center won't be closing, and they won't think I was...doing what the demons had them saying I was. "So who ended up taking all the blame?"
"An Impudite of Fate. It seemed appropriate." Nomikos smiles in a way that reminds me he is a Malakite, and prepared to deal with demons head-on, no matter how much of his time he spends asking polite questions of angels.
"Huh. Anyone I knew?" I don't like the idea of a demon sniffing around in my territory without my having noticed.
"Mm. Chair of the board."
"Him?" All my flames flare out around me. "That...that..." I can't come up with a word that properly represents what I want to say, though I bet if I asked Mannie he'd have suggestions. "I didn't even notice, I am such an idiot, he was there for years and--"
"Kai." Nomikos stands up and puts a hand to the top of my ring. "You can't be expected to recognize every demon that crosses your path, especially one as subtle as that. He's been taken care of, and we received useful information from finding him."
He walks through the Groves, and I roll alongside him, finding in my memories all the little things that should have told me what that demon was, every clue I missed. "I wish Dedan and Adala were here. I'm used to throwing my current dilemmas at you three, and it was always nice to find out what you thought about it. Now I'm just...wandering. Like I don't know where I'm supposed to be heading."
"You could give your service to another Superior," Nomikos says. "Many others of Creation have done so. It's a way to continue serving the cause of Heaven."
"Maybe," but I don't think I could. How would I be ready for whatever the Boss wanted me to do if I had other responsibilities? I can't picture myself with any other Superior than my own. Flowers wouldn't like me hitting anyone, even demons who need the hitting, and the Wind is fun to ride with but they never stop moving long enough to help a place grow, and... I don't know. I need to talk to someone who knows more. "You'll let me know if anything else happens, with my old Role?"
"I'll make sure you're informed, yes."
"Thank you." I'm off again, up above the trees to play with the Windies until I'm feeling more like myself again.
These days it's weird to be myself. I got so used to being Kai Dawson, and then the grandchild named in honor of the same, that I hardly know what to do with myself when I'm just Kai, Ofanite of Creation, wandering through Heaven. Not that everyone here has a job to do, but most people have some sort of direction, or places they hang out with their friends. Most of my friends are back on Earth, doing the jobs they were given. So what am I supposed to do here? I've been corporeal-side ever since I fledged, aside from, what, three times in Trauma, and I like it down there. Heaven is beautiful, but it's always beautiful, and what I love about down there is finding inside something broken and staggering those moments where the broken is still beautiful.
All the sky stretching above me, and I could race someone to as high as we could fly, never reaching an end, but...I don't want to. It's ordinary for an Ofanite to be restless, but my insides itch like I need to be somewhere else, so, somewhere else. Swoop down over the Glade and roll past a party, friends celebrating in a corner over something that makes sense to them. Back in the 1960s, the Flower Tether used to have barbecues every month, and I'd swing by, taking Jack along when he was in town. The Seneschal still holds parties there sometimes, but it's been years since I attended, always some class to teach or whatever else it was that took up my time.
I'm bored. I'm moping. It's time to find a friend to cheer me up, and I know who I can find without ever worrying if he's gone down to Earth.
Laugh, and Heaven laughs with you. Spin, and find the place you meant to go. The Halls of Progress are a straight line from where I am, and I take that line there. Fast and straight until the corridors turn, and it's a pity they won't turn for me so that I can keep going straight, but I can turn a corner with the best of them. Mannie's door is usually open, and today is no exception. I zip in, whirl around him to make sure he notices I'm here; if I just move inside, he could stare at his notes for minutes without realizing I've come in. "What's up?"
"Afternoon, Kai. Schematics." He taps a finger on the paper rolled out in front of him, close-up pictures of symbols I can't decipher. The corners of the pictures show bits of fingers, like someone was in a real hurry to get the images onto whatever storage medium Lighting is using for its photographs these days.
"What do they mean?" None of the symbols make any sense to me, or even look like wiring diagrams I've seen .
"I couldn't tell you; it's classified. And, ah, I don't know. Yet. That's what we're trying to work out." All his desk is covered in the pictures, some blurrier than others. "We're working on partial information, which makes this more complicated. It doesn't help that whoever wrote up the original specs was using a personal shorthand; while I can decipher most of it, I...can't pick it out as well as I once could." He shifts in his chair, the way he does whenever he's reminded of losing that Force. "What brings you by?"
"I'm bored." I spin around him and check underneath his chair, which is cleverly designed and would probably do interesting things if I poked at the levers down there, but he wouldn't appreciate that. "Want to get coffee?"
"I've had two cups in the last hour, and if I drink any more I'll start bouncing off the walls." He switches the positions of two pictures on his desk. I wonder what he sees, when he looks at those things. "You could try cooking something."
"I tried that yesterday, and got asked to stop. You'd think that another Creationer would understand." I like being in his office. My Heart is here, and Mannie's here, and in the back corner of the desk is something my Boss made. It's as much home as anything is, these days. "Do you know when you'll have a break, next?"
"I don't know, Kai. I need to finish working on this first, and it's been going...slowly." He glares at the pictures, as if this will make them cooperate. "I'll come find you when I have some time to talk."
"Okay. See you then." Spin backwards out of his office, it's the same as forwards in this form. I roll on down the corridors back outside, up into the sky, and spin off to the Savannah to fly with the birds.
I miss having a motorcycle. I miss teaching ballet classes, showing kids the steps and helping them through until they could do it themselves. I miss having a telephone with a cord that could twist itself into a knot. I miss late nights doing stage preparation for the recitals, the shows that come onto the TV at three in the morning, Jack bringing a bunch of Windies by to crash in the apartment for two days and drag me off on weird chores in the middle of the night. I miss the sports car Mannie brought me, that I turned over to the triad to dispose of when they drove me back home. I wonder if they kept it, and if I could have it, when I get back to Earth? I liked that car, and it was the first time anyone brought me a car as a present.
I need to find a way back to Earth before I go batty here.
Mannie has a favorite coffee shop, and I haven't gotten around to trying enough to establish my own favorites yet, so I spin by his to see if anything interesting is happening there. Two Elohim debating some weird bit of theology, a Mercurian discreetly making out with a Kyriotate in a corner booth, and a whole cluster of blessed souls whispering to each other and wearing the faintly boggled look most of the new arrivals have. One of them points to me as I go by, and her friend pulls the arm back down. It's cute to see them learning about angels for the first time; I remember when I was a zippy reliever playing Count The Choirs with my friends. I kept coming up with the wrong number, but then, I wasn't really good at math at the time, and I mixed up Malakim and Mercurians.
The Seraph behind the counter has a cup of coffee waiting for me. "Hello, Kai. How has your day been?"
Good coffee, strong coffee, just what I needed. "I'm bored. Don't suppose you have anything for me to do?"
"Nothing that I would ask you to do, no," he says. "But thanks."
"Okay." Caffeine hit is just what I need, a buzz to give me some motivation. I leave the cup behind and roll outside to try to think.
"Kai?" A reliever so small it must be brand-new wings its way over to me.
"Hey, kid. What can I do for you?" I've seen this one around before, mostly running errands for Mannie.
"Oh! No, no, what can I do for you?" It zips through my ring, then flutters back to the center to stare at the insides of my rim. "I brought Mannie coffee twice, and now I don't know what to do."
"You and me both, kid." I roll along towards the Glade, slowly enough that it can keep up, fluttering along in the center of me. "So what's your name?"
"Maharang. I got it special from him, because he said he wasn't using it anymore." That sounds like a reasonable way for a reliever to get a name; at least this one isn't naming itself after desserts, like that one bunch I used to play with when I was younger. I think Mango Custard got her name changed when she fledged Malakite; said it didn't fit anymore, and I can't blame her for that. Of course, it might have come in useful if she'd ever introduced herself to demons before smacking them. Lots of time to act while they were howling with laughter, right? "How did you get your name?"
"Me? I chose this name because I liked the sound of it. Snappy enough that it doesn't take too long to say."
It nods very seriously, and takes a perch on a low tree branch, where it can look at me--well, not eye to eye, not in this form, but towards the top of my wheel. "How did you decide what you wanted to be, when you fledged?"
Cute kid. I spin around the branch, wrap a coil around the reliever, and settle back down into my usual ring. "I figured it out by the time I hit about seven Forces, so I was sure by the time I fledged. Movement was my thing, and I never wanted to look inside people the way other types do. Elohim and Mercurians and Seraphim and Malakim... Well, I don't think I want to know what other people are like that up close and personal. But I like knowing where I'm going. Besides, it meant I could win all the races with my friends." It's listening very carefully, like it thinks I'm a teacher, but I'm just another angel in Heaven. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a Bright Lilim," it says, a bit of defiance to its voice, like it thinks I'm going to tell it no.
"Huh. Unusual choice. Why do you want to be one of those?"
"Because I want to know things. Like Mannie does."
"Not a bad role model to choose, but you don't have to be like him to know stuff." I roll around the trunk of the tree, find pictures in the bark, places where someone's guided the growth of the tree until every twist in the grain is its own tiny image. "I'm not sure if you can be a Bright Lilim; making Lilim seems to be a secret that only one person has ever figured out. But, hey, what do I know? Maybe you'll manage it."
"You really think so?" It leaves the branch to rest on top of me, balancing even with my movement.
"I don't know for sure. I don't even know if anyone's ever tried to fledge as a Bright Lilim before. I think there would be a lot more of them if relievers could. But I don't know enough to say that it can't happen, so I won't." I drop horizontal, leaving Maharang to flutter in the air. "Hey, want to play tag?"
"Okay!" And while the kid's a bit small, it's already got some good zip. If the Bright Lilim idea doesn't work out, it could have a great career ahead of it as an Ofanite.