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Ruskin quietly stepped into the room and closed the door behind himself. He was careful to not make any sounds. His employer, Mr. Milverton was still asleep and it was better if he rested as much as he could.
He stopped on the bedside and just watched the man who was lying in the bed. Mr. Milverton looked pale and fragile, he dropped a lot of weight in the last month. He caught the cold which quickly developed into pneumonia, no matter how devotedly Ruskin nursed Mr. Milverton. His health spiraled down into a state where even the doctor couldn't tell whether he would survive or not. He had a high fever and he was often suffocating from the coughing. Ruskin always needed to be on his side to help him - not like he would have left him on his own anyway.
That one month tortured Ruskin more than anything else before. Not knowing whether Mr. Milverton, whom he loved more than anything in the world, would recover or not and needing to watch him fight for every breath he took made Ruskin's heart ache. He was sometimes delirious and in those states, Ruskin even needed to tie him down before he could hurt himself. Ruskin knew that he needed to stay strong for his employer's sake and not give up, but he got really exhausted from needing to see his beloved Mr. Milverton like that. When he was sleeping deeply and his wheezing breathing filled the room, Ruskin just sat on his bedside and couldn't stop crying. In those moments, he was sure that all his efforts will be in vain and he would lose Mr. Milverton. But the tears helped him ease the pain of his soul. After he stopped crying, he began to hope again. He will make Mr. Milverton stay.
It can't be any other way.
And in the end, it truly wasn't. Slowly, but steadily, Mr. Milverton came back from the edge of death. He eventually started to heal. With that, the doctor also became hopeful, not doubting that now it was only some time until Mr. Milverton completely gained his strength back. He allowed Ruskin to give him different kinds of foods, making his diet have more variety and he also needed to take medicine less and less. Mr. Milverton could sometimes even take little walks in his room. The doctor was positive, as well as Mr. Milverton - it was only Ruskin who was still afraid of what the future would bring.
He almost lost Mr. Milverton and he knew that he would never be able to forget this. He will be worried for him when he is completely healthy - and especially now when he could fall back to the illness anytime.
But he will not let it. It was his duty to keep Mr. Milverton safe - from now on, even more devotedly than before.
Ruskin let out a sigh and as gently as he could, he touched the pale cheek. He loved Mr. Milverton so much... too much. He mattered more than his own life. He knew that without him, he wouldn't want to live. He needed to heal.
He took his hand back when he heard that his employer inhaled a deep breath. He watched as Mr. Milverton opened his golden eyes and looked up at him. A smile appeared at the corner of his mouth when he saw Ruskin.
"Good morning, sir." Ruskin greeted the man in a soft voice.
"Good morning." Mr. Milverton replied. "I knew that you would be here when I woke up." He added, making Ruskin blush from the sentence.
"I will always be on your side, sir." Ruskin clarified it. "Until you completely recover... and even after that. We can never know when I..." he gulped. "When I need to protect you."
He felt that Mr. Milverton took his hand and he turned even redder.
"Ruskin, it is not your fault that I fell ill..." Mr. Milverton started, but Ruskin cut into his speech.
"It is. I should have paid more attention to your state. I should have been more careful. I almost let you die." He lowered his head and felt as the shame flooded him.
Mr. Milverton shook his head.
"Let me finish what I wanted to say, right?" He told him and his voice was more serious. "It was not your fault that I fell ill - but it is only because of your devotion that I stayed alive. Because you didn't give up on me even when the doctor did." He reminded Ruskin and held his hand stronger. "I will soon be like I was before, thanks to you. You don't need to worry anymore."
Ruskin sighed. He didn't want to stress Mr. Milverton, so he raised his head and nodded like he understood. Mr. Milverton flashed a smile at him again and let his hand go.
"Good. You can bring in my breakfast then. I hope that it will be satisfying and you continue to take good care of me." He winked at Ruskin jokingly. Ruskin stood up from the bed.
"Yes, sir." He answered and walked out of the room. The wink and the smile was still in front of him. Mr. Milverton was so dashing, so full of life even after a severe illness. The pain struck into Ruskin's heart again. If I lost him, he thought.
He knew that despite Mr. Milverton's words… he will never be free of worry for the rest of his life.