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Nightfall of 9/11, Kyiv Ukraine
“Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu melech ha-olam asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu lishmoa kol shofar”
Zelenskyy prayed out loud, “Welcome everyone to the 5787 Rosh Hashanah dinner! I’m glad everyone could make it, from Trump and Netanyahu to Ariel Sharon and bachir Gemayel…. And even yana and mymy- well Squidward is gonna lead everyone with blowing the shofar, which Trump brought.” Zelenskyy announced “Oh yes, the shofars, the uhh… big beautiful shofar yes” Trump muttered, he then proceeded to pull out a small bag of neon 3 inch long shofars that are in no way shape or form able to be blown, “Seriously? That’s the— my clarinet can produce better sound than that!” Squidward angrily said, “I told you I should’ve been in charge of the shofar AND blowing it…” Ariel groaned as he rolled his eyes, “habibi you don’t need to blow a shofar when you blow me every night to bed!” Bachir whimpered while humping Ariel, “we should really put you on heat suppressants….” Ariel muttered, bachir shot him an angry look but before he could say anything, the door kicked down, “shalommmmmmm!!!!!” Yelled George w bush in a heavy Texan accent, “yeah I invited him because it’s 9/11-“ Zelenskyy shortly got interrupted, “we need a shofar it’s not a proper Rosh Hashanah without one!” Yana interjected, “okay everyone shut up I know where we can get a shofar!” Yelled banan, “you could’ve started with that ya hmar!” Screamed Bibi, “don’t yell at my son like that IM hosting not YOU!” Zelenskyy screamed back, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!! QUIET!! ALL OF YOU!! HOLY SHIT THIS IS WHY HITLER GASSED OUR PEOPLE! Okay we can go get one in Mongolia I heard there’s one near where genghis khan is buried, apparently Roman Von urgen sternberg left one there years ago.” Banan explained, “oh okay so we have to travel to whole ass other continent to get the shofar?” Mymy said, “you could’ve just asked Bibi to bring one from Israel did yall not think of that?” She added, “why are you even here? Who invited you?” Squidward argued back to her, “alright everyone stop fighting we all came together to celebrate a new year” bush tried to calm everyone down while fisting an entire apple into the kosher honey, “okay what if Bibi, Squidward, and I go get it” banan said, “we can take the Mossad helicopter he crashed into the chimney and be there before night fall” he added, Squidward sighed, Bibi shrugged and went to get the helicopter started. Both Squidward and banan followed and got into the helicopter.
The steppes of Mongolia
The helicopter crash landed in the middle of nowhere somewhat near the border of Siberia. “You’re horribly at piloting! Even SpongeBob could do better than you gosh!” Squidward yelled at Bibi, “we’re in the middle of Mongolia and there’s no landing pad!” Bibi yelled back, “it’s all flat steppe you have no excuse!” Squidward yelled in response. “Both of you quiet!! The shofar should be here somewhere… I think…” banan muttered as he inched over to a glowing ram horn, “found it!” He yelped as he zoomed over to it, as he picked it up he got flash banged immediately and Genghis khan appeared, “WHO DARES TAKE AN OFFERING GIVEN TO ME!” A roaring voice announced, “calm down temujin, we just need the shofar for Rosh Hashanah and we’ll bring it back alright?” Banan urged, to not escalate things, unfortunately this didn’t stop Bibi from jumping on temujin’s back and humping him then screaming “GO!” Squidward and banan ran back to the helicopter with the shofar and Bibi ran after, he jumped into the driver seat and flew off back to Kyiv.
Back in Kyiv…
The helicopter crash landed again right next to Zelenskyy’s kitchen, “yeah no please don’t invite me next year I don’t care if it’s 9/11 or not I just witnessed two crashes like the-“ bush was interrupted, “FINALLY! Next time do it WITHOUT DESTROYING MY HOUSE!” Screamed Zelenskyy, Squidward then blew the shofar, as it produced the most horrific noise ever, trump decided it would be the perfect time to belly flop onto the table and start flapping around like a fish, “nope I’m not doing this” Yana said, grabbing mymy’s hand and booking the first trip back to the Netherlands. “Ariel this is your fault” bush decided to accuse, “okay maybe it was my idea to do 9- WAIT YOURE SAYING TRUMP DOING THIS BS IS MY FAULT? HOW PLEASE TELL ME GEORGE!” Screamed Ariel, “OKAY JUST EAT THE DAMN APPLES AND HONEY!” Cried Zelenskyy, “every HOLIDAY we have some bullshit happening!” He cried again, “Shana Tova!!” Yelled bachir before sticking his tongue in Ariel’s mouth, they started passionately making out.
El fin!