Work Text:
If Ryland Grace had a nickel every time a parent demanded something so stupid and unnecessary from him, he'd have enough nickels to fill two socks and smack those parents with it.
He'd like to say "back in my day" but Grace had only been teaching middle school for the last two years. He's dealt with stupid people before, his previous career ending meltdown was proof of that, but parents were on a whole other level of egotistical and entitled.
According to the other veteran teachers, it has gotten worse, it is the parents fault, and he's embarrassed to be part of the age group of said parents who were teaching their kids if you yell, scream, throw up enough, you'll eventually convince the science teacher two plus two does, in fact, equal five.
That wasn't necessarily what was going on right now, but last year he did have to deal with one parent who insisted that the earth was flat. Grace was debating if he should call that dad and ask him for drinks, because that would be a much more interesting conversation than what he was trapped with.
Grace should have been out the doors an hour ago. He was supposed to go grocery shopping with his lovely husband, then grade papers while Simon cooked them dinner, ramen with a side of dumplings. Instead, he was cornered in his classroom just as the last bell rang, with one of the dumbest demands from a parent. He texted Simon , dramatically of course, to go on without him and cook the ramen in his memory.
Grace wasn't alone at least. She dragged her kid, Cody, who was embarrassed for the both of them. Cody clearly didn't want to be there either as he first begged his mom to just take them home. Cody was one of his quieter students, which was a little strange for 11-year-old boys. While he didn't volunteer to answer questions during class he happily spoke up when he caught the lava. Grace would like to see him come out of his shell more, but with the way his mother was hovering over him, he could guess why he chose to keep to himself.
"So what are you going to do about it, Mr. Grace?"
Grace tried to hold his snort, thinking about how protective his husband was of his title. Plenty of times Simon would murmur,"It's Dr. Grace" when someone said mister.
"There isn't anything I can do. There isn't a school policy on banning oreos."
He was going to rebut that oreos were also gluten, peanut, and dairy-free, so it technically was one of the safest snacks to have on campus. Before he could even say it, Mrs. Crawford continued her tirade.
"I don't care. As his teacher it's your responsibility to monitor what these kids eat!"
The transition of 5th grade elementary to 6th grade middle was a hard concept for some parents to wrap around. It was the age where the kids had more independence, yet still too young to do most things without supervision. Lunch was not one of those things. Grace was only one of the kids' six teachers throughout the day, nor was he the homeroom teacher for Cody, so he actually had less familiarity with him in comparison to his homeroom students. He suspected because he was Cody's teacher right after lunch period he was somehow the designated point of lunch contact.
"We don't eat lunch in my classroom. There's a designated lunch zone—"
"That you monitor, don't you?"
Grace snapped his fingers. "Actually no. That's my mandatory lunch break too. But we do have volunteer lunch supervisors making sure the kids aren't getting into trouble—"
"Great! Point me to their supervisors!"
Oh no. He couldn't drag Nina into this mess. She was a sweet old woman who loved spending time with the kids, no matter how rambunctious middle schoolers were. Plus, she was just a volunteer, why waste her free time with this nonsense?
"Uh, she went home for today. But how about I turn you over to Principal Wilkens about your concern?"
"I already spoke to him. He said he couldn't change the policy!"
So why go to Grace, who, for his position, would have even less power than the principal? He couldn't wrap his head around her logic, or lack thereof. Then again, most parents only think with one brain cell.
"Okay. I'll take your concerns and bring it up during the next all-hands meeting." He lied. "And I'll update you from there?"
"As I expect you to, Mr. Grace. I already have your personal number."
"Wait, when did you—?"
Feeling she won the battle, Mrs. Crawford nudged for Cody to follow her out the door, almost bumping into Simon as she sauntered out.
Simon raised an eyebrow at them. "What the fuck was that about?" He asked once they were out of view.
"Language, mister." Grace chided lightly. Then with a sigh he said, "I'll tell you later. I thought you went home?"
"And leave you to walk all the way back?" Simon asked. He walked up to Grace and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I got the groceries. Let's go home."
"You sure you're not too tired? We can do take-out."
"Nah. Tell me what happened. Oh, also," Simon reached into his pocket and handed Grace a pack of sour skittles.
"My hero." Grace said with a big, dumb smile on his face.
Retelling the whole debacle made it sound extra ridiculous. A story meant for a reddit AITA than an actual administrative issue.
During lunch time some of the kids shared their Oreo snack packs with Cody. After school he asked his mom if she could buy oreos for the house. She immediately forbade it, saying that they don't eat that junk in their home and demanded other parents to not only not share their food, but to not buy oreos all together so Cody didn't ask for them again. She first asked through the parent group chat, then confronted them all during drop-off in the morning.
Of course the other parents said no, that it was none of her business what they packed for their kids especially that it followed within the school's allergy guidelines. She also couldn't request to hide oreos, as if that would 100% prevent Cody from eating it.
It escalated to the principal and Grace because some of the parents took it upon themselves to pack extra oreos just for Cody. A move that Grace personally would have done too and found hilarious, but was now the reason Cody's mom barged into his classroom and demanded his audience.
Although he could chuckle at the whole situation now, he noticed Simon was quieter than normal. Simon was a quiet guy in general, but this time his silence was loud. He was absorbing the information, processing it, thinking over his next words carefully, like it would get him in trouble if he asked the wrong question.
They were sitting on the couch together. Simon stiffened, pushing himself into the cushions. Hiding from Grace.
"Is Cody restricted from eating? Does his mother…" Simon swallowed nervously, "Is he not allowed?" He asked like he was scared of the answer. It hit Grace immediately. He took Simon's face into his hands and kissed him on his forehead.
Food, for Simon, was a sensitive topic that he was still working through in therapy. The gruff and mysterious exterior of Simon was not just an aesthetic choice but as a result of his upbringing.
For the first sixteen years of Simon's life, he was told the Earth had died and their commune, Eden, contained the last remaining survivors. In reality, he was born into a cult run by some psychotic billionaire who bought up empty land in the mid-west and created a faux space station to convince the joining adults they were now floating in nothingness space. He sired children with the women of the cult to continue on this narrative.
It wasn't until Simon was older, when he had his Brothers ventured out for fun, that he discovered the truth. They were not on a floating shuttle in space. They were on Earth which was still was thriving with food and life. They didn't need the commune to survive, they could actually live outside it.
Simon told Grace, just once, that when he confronted Father about this, his mother was punished. To teach Simon a lesson. Many of Father's actions were disguised as 'lessons.'
Father claimed the only food left were the canned and dry goods from the previous world. But Father didn't just ration their goods, he made them 'earn' it. Survival of the fittest, encouraging Simon to become stronger than the rest to protect himself and his mother, then soon just himself. Keep himself useful, or else be excommunicated into the void. And when Simon accepted they were not the last people of the forgotten world, that Earth was running with enough food to feed everyone ten fold, that his necklace with the last seedling was in fact not the last seed of the tree of Eden, but just a common bean sprout, he was met with dire consequences.
The fact he crawled out of the Eden commune fire with second-degree burns and a ripped off arm proved he was more than a survivor. He was a fighter. He 'earned' his life.
Simon had now spent the last ten years relearning he had a right to live, not earn it. A right to food, a right to life, a right to happiness. He once said that Ryland was literally his saving Grace. Ryland, who took him in as his TA after all other professors doubted his abilities as a student with so much trauma. Ryland, who wormed his way through his tough exterior to meet the man, shy from the world yet so curious about plants. Ryland, the man who reminded him every day that it was okay to live, and just be himself.
Grace kissed his right cheek, and then his left with his scars. "No, no not like that. Oh gosh, not like that at all." Grace would know, as a mandated reporter after all. He could tell Cody was a healthy boy despite his mother's odd demands. In fact, they probably ate healthier than both of them as she so claimed to only shop from farmer's markets, organics only, and even the sugar used in her baking was less sugary than the store brand stuff.
"No, some parents are just overprotective. Or over conscious of food. There is so much misinformation on additives in ingredients, so some parents think that factory produced food is 'poisoned' compared to the homemade stuff. Which, to each their own, but it's been an ongoing issue for years, unfortunately." Grace rambled, and he could see that Simon was slowly relaxing in his hands. Sometimes he thought he annoyed Simon with his constant talking but he learned talking helped Simon. It gave him a voice to focus on and quiet the voices in his head. "It's like why some parents won't vaccinate their kids—they think it's the government shooting 5G data in the bloodstream. I know, it's stupid."
Simon made a face, pouting like a sad wolf. "Seriously? They think that? I mean, my mother did too because of Father…. so what made her believe it?"
"Ugh, sometimes one non peer-reviewed video on vaccines and corn syrup that goes viral on social media triumphs all logic." Grace chuckled. He could go on about the misinformation spread on Facebook and TikTok, but that was another story. "So that's all it is. Cody looks to be a healthy kid otherwise. He just wanted a sweet treat and his parents are being difficult because they're misinformed and selfish."
"So what are you going to do?"
Grace shrugged. "Nothing, really. Oreos aren't on the allergy banned foods, and I can't monitor what they do at lunch. If kids want to share with each other, I can't stop that."
"But she's going to complain again."
"Probably. Some parents still complain about the theory of evolution in my class because it goes against their beliefs, so it is what it is."
Finally, Simon seemed at ease with his answers, and with more reassurance the conversation changed to Simon's shift at the lab. Anything botanical related and Simon went from the quiet, mysterious man, to a encyclopedia of information. Grace loved both sides of him.
What he didn't realize, however, was Simon concocting a scheme. He should have expected it when Simon didn't go to bed right away and said he needed to 'search for stuff' on Grace's laptop, which Grace let him borrow because Simon was 'too lazy' to get his laptop from the living room. Simon was never too lazy for anything.
The next day they carpooled together as usual, Grace arriving to work at least thirty minutes early to get ready for the day. He just finished drawing on the chalkboard when the door opened, but instead of his first student coming in, it was Simon again, balancing an insane amount of cupcake trays with his one hand.
"There's more in the car." He said as he placed them behind Grace's desk.
"What?"
"There's more in the car. The trays only fit 24 cupcakes each."
"No I mean—what?!"
In total Simon brought in 8 trays of cupcakes. 192 cupcakes. All with oreos on top. There was also a bag of other goodies, gummy candies with labels 'made from real fruit juice'.
"You have, what, 20 kids per class? But your 3rd period has 25. This should be enough."
"W-what for?!"
"A sweet treat." He said like it was the fact of the day.
"T-that's not—"
"Morning Mr. Grace!"
Great, some of his students were already coming in. He immediately turned to them with his morning smile and greeted them. Of course 11-year-old were curious things and immediately noticed the tall, buff man with one arm standing next to him, and the tray of cupcakes.
"Who are you?" Katy asked.
"I'm Mr. Grace." Simon said.
"But he's Mr. Grace." Eric said, pointing to Grace.
"Actually, he's Dr. Grace." Simon corrected gently. "But I'm not a doctor so I'm Mr. Grace."
"Are you his husband!" Jason exclaimed rather than asked.
"I am."
"Mr.—I mean Dr. Grace! You're married?"
"You can just call me mister." Grace insisted. "It, uh, never came up. But yes Simon is my husband." He felt his face flush. Despite being married for almost five years now, he felt like a teenage boy introducing his partner for the first time.
"I brought cupcakes." Simon announced unceremoniously.
That immediately got four students at 8 in the morning all too excited. Grace should have asked for another shot of espresso in his mocha.
Word quickly spread as the other students came in. Mr. Grace has a husband who brought cupcakes. Mr. Grace is the best! Which Mr. Grace? Who cares, they have cupcakes!
"Don't you have work today?" Grace asked.
"I have PTO saved up." Simon said before turning to the class. "Today is treat day. Because Dr. Grace tells me his science class is the best. So if you all finish your hypothesis assignment, you'll get your cupcakes."
Grace never seen a group of students fight their backpacks to grab their pencils and worksheets. This week they were learning how to write a hypothesis and prediction for the upcoming science fair, and what was a dragging task yesterday was suddenly the most important lesson today.
As promised Simon handed out each cupcake after they finished, leaving them in a sugar rush for their next classes.
"You brought cupcakes?" Mrs. Gonzalez asked during snack break.
"I did." Simon said.
Mrs. Gonzalez looked between them. "You're lucky you're handsome. I had Eric bouncing off my walls."
Simon presented one to her with a slight bow. "An apology."
Mrs. Gonzalez smiled as she took the treat. "Handsome and considerate. Watch yourself Dr. Grace, we all want to meet him at lunch. And you know, Jane's divorced was finalized yesterday."
Grace sputtered as she left his classroom. "I eat in my classroom! And I got to him first!"
Lunch with the staff was as much of a frenzy as his students. They all just had to meet the handsome man hanging around Grace. Their wedding was a small, private ceremony in a courthouse with Simon's brother as their witness. Grace's public meltdown at UNESCO usually came up before his marriage to his former TA when you searched his name, so Grace only gave sprinkles of his marriage when his coworkers asked about his weekend. Maybe it was also his aversion to getting too close to his coworkers, too, still afraid of not being accepted by them because he was...well he was Ryland Grace.
These teachers were different, though, he reminded himself. They weren't competing to be the smartest person in the room or sucking up to a Dean for more funding. They were all here to teach because they genuinely loved their profession.
Once Principal Wilkens saw the Oreo cupcakes he laughed and slapped Grace on the back. "Dr. Grace, I'll forward Mrs. Crawford's messages to your voicemail."
"Is that how she got my personal number?"
"Oh no, she came into the admin office and stole some paperwork. Forgot to tell you about that. Not just you though, she's bugging Cody's homeroom teacher too."
Across the room, Ms. Asher raised her cupcake in solidarity. He made a mental note to invite her for drinks later, actually get to know his coworkers better. This would be a good start to that.
Then it was fifth period. The post-lunch kids were usually lethargic to pay attention for an afternoon lesson, but hearing about the free cupcakes in Mr. Grace's class they were all too excited and ready to earn their treat.
Simon introduced himself for the fifth time that day and told the rules. Grace immediately noticed how guilty Cody looked, but said nothing as he worked on his assignment.
Simon passed a cupcake to each of the finished work and without hesitation placed one on Cody's desk.
"Mr. Grace," Cody tugged at the hem of Simon's shirt. "I don't think I can eat this."
Simon leaned down to his level and in a soft voice asked, "Oh I'm sorry. Are you allergic? I have alternative treats in my lunchbox."
Cody shook his head. "My mom said Oreos are bad for you. She said it'll give me cancer."
Grace slapped his forehead. The other kids around Cody gasped.
"Wait, it does?"
"Do we all have cancer?"
"My grandpa died from cancer!"
"I don't want to die!"
Aaaand that's what he was afraid of. One little bit of misinformation and the kids were going nuts. He knew Mrs. Crawford was extreme in her reasons but she never thought far ahead how these young kids would be affected by it. She sounded all those fake health influencers on social media that said name brand cereal was the same as arsenic, so buy this 12 dollar box of protein cereal instead, not sponsored by the way.
Simon did look into his parents, and apparently his father was a gym-bro influencer with sponsorships. Go figure.
"No, no, you won't get cancer from Oreos."
"But Cody's mom said—"
"Did you know Dr. Grace is a doctor in molecular biology?" Simon interrupted, his voice keeping the same, steady tone. "Do you know what that means?"
The kids were quiet for a moment. Then it was Cody who spoke up first. "He can take care of us when sick?"
Simon chuckled. "Not exactly, though he did take care of me when I had a fever last winter. It means he studies life at the molecular level. All of the atoms that make us who we are. So it also means Dr. Grace knows what elements are more likely to cause cancer. Will Oreos cause cancer, doctor?"
All eyes were back on Grace. "Ah, no. The sugar contents and preservatives in oreos will not cause cancer. We can go over the ingredients next class and compare them to chemical compounds that do though! Oh, I'll add that for next week's syllabus! And we'll do a quiz on it!"
His class groaned in unison. It only made Grace more excited because hey! A new fun lesson!
"So I won't die if I eat this?" Cody asked, only to Simon.
Simon patted the top of his head. "No, a little sugar won't kill ya. And since you don't have food allergies or diabetes, how about this?" Simon pushed the cupcake a little closer. "If you want to trade, just let me know. I got some nice fruit gummy snacks from the farmer's market. Or just regular fruit if you want that too. But if you want this cupcake, it'll be right here."
Grace felt his heart squeeze into his chest he thought it was going to implode. He resisted the urge to climb Simon right there and then.
Simon walked away, giving Cody the space to think about his answer. Cody observed as the other kids ate their cupcakes happily. With some hesitance, Cody picked up the cupcake and took a bite out of the Oreo topping first. His eyes lit up like it was Christmas as he went in for a bigger bite.
"You're amazing." Grace whispered when Simon came back around his desk. With the kids busy, Grace looped his finger in Simon's belt loop and pulled him closer. "You know, she's probably gonna be angrier now."
Simon shrugged. "Let the principal handle it. It's his job."
The rest of his class periods went as expected. Excited to meet the cupcake man who was also Dr. Grace's husband. The kids all asked if they'd get cupcakes every week. Simon apologized to them, but said he'd like to come back before summer break to say goodbye.
When his last student finally left, Grace pulled Simon down by the collar of his shirt and kissed him. His husband tasted like processed sugar.
Later that night, Ryland put phone on silent and hid it in his nightstand drawer. By the time he and Simon were in bed, covered in sweat and other bodily fluids, he had over 30 messages and 15 missed calls.
Ryland rolled onto his stomach, pillow under his chin as he finally scrolled through his phone. "Look what you've done. She's gonna kill me. She's gonna come to our house and kill me."
Simon kissed his shoulder blades, hand sliding up from his stomach to his chest. "I'll protect you, Dr. Grace."
"No seriously. She said she's sending her husband over tonight."
Simon took the phone of out Ryland's hand and sure enough, she not only found their address but was going to sic her husband onto them.
Simon was considering actually killing them.
"No, no actual killing." Ryland said from under him. He buried his face in his pillow. "Don't answer the door. We're not home. But hey, I hear housing prices are better. Maybe we should consider moving—"
Their doorbell rang. Simon did think about just ignoring it as it was almost 11pm on school night. Then it rang again and he decided fuck it, might as well nip it in the bud.
Simon begrudgingly left their bed, kissing Ryland's cheek, as he put on his boxers. Or Ryland's boxers as they had foxes on them and were a little tight around his thighs. he sauntered out of the bedroom, ignoring Ryland's cry to at least put on some pants, and headed to their front door.
Mr. Crawford was a man of average height and was wearing a tank top and gym shorts. He may have been out for a late night jog, or was trying to look intimidating by showing off his muscles. His job as a fitness instructor and influencer was paying off, but his body didn't scare Simon one bit. Simon was still taller, broader, and (as said by his college cohort behind his back), feral-looking.
Ryland liked him feral, though. So Simon liked being feral.
Simon leaned against his doorframe on his amputated side, then placed his right hand on his hips.
"Can I help you?"
Whatever high adrenaline confidence Mr. Crawford had when he arrived had now drained from his body. His mouth was agape while his eyes were glued to Simon's chest.
"Eyes up here, buddy."
"W-what? No I wasn't—" he coughed to compose himself. "Are you Dr. Grace?"
"That's my husband. I'm Mr. Grace." Simon leaned forward, showing his teeth. "Your wife sent you here all alone?"
He watched as Mr. Crawford struggle to speak. Sweat dripped down his forehead. "She sent me here because you, uh, you gave Cody… can you please put on shirt?"
"No."
It had taken years of therapy and the hands of Dr. Ryland Grace for Simon to actually like and appreciate his body, scars and all. Now he was going to use it to his advantage.
"Right…so the Oreos. And encouraging processed sugar in the classroom..."
"Is that what she told you I did?" Simon asked turning around so Mr. Crawford could get a good look at his backside too. "Does it look like I eat all that unhealthy, dangerous, foods?"
He heard the man gulp. Simon didn't need to look down to see the tent in the man's pants. Gross. It's what he intended but still disgusted him as he only had eyes for his husband.
"No. I suppose not. Uh. Actually what is your diet" To get those muscles…"
"Takis and sour skittles." Simon lied as he grabbed the door. "Oh, and if you or your wife come back here and bother us? I'm gonna shove those Oreos so far up your ass it'll come out of your esophagus. Goodnight."
Slamming the door was satisfying. It was extra satisfying seeing Grace in the hallway looking just as appalled and turned.
"You, Mister, are in big trouble for threatening him."
"My apologies Dr. Grace." Simon said as he sauntered to Ryland. He dropped to his knees and looked up at his husband with his big brown eyes. "Please forgive me for my sins tonight."
From above, Ryland couldn't hide his smile. He ran his his hand through Simon's thick curls, then pulled at the roots to tug his head back. Simon was in for it now, and he was going to savor every second of it.