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⠀⠀Tenten swears she’ll stay sober. That she can go out at night, can be with the rest of the gang, can stay sober and clear headed and have fun. Neji will be there, so will Lee. She can depend on either of her boys to get her out of sticking around for too long if things start getting tight. One look, eyes wide, that’s all it will take. She can handle this sober.
⠀⠀Three hours into the night, midnight closely approaching, Neji and Lee have peeled off with the rest of the boys, led by Naruto, potentially chasing after Shikamaru. Ino says, sotto voce as if anyone else truly cares, that they’re probably sneaking off to go get high. Tenten thinks that if anyone had asked her, she could’ve shared her own stash. She’s still got some vicodin from when her clavicle got shattered. She sniffs, a little put out. Guess not even her pills are good enough for them.
⠀⠀Two hours in the night, after Neji and Lee have left her, Hinata has grown silent, staring blankly ahead into the night. They’re sitting at the patio of an izakaya [ it took them three tries to find a bar that would let them in; the first two were civilian owned and made a fuss about their age, of all things ] and they’re ostensibly having fun. Ino is flirting with a trio of boys next to them, and for a while now, Sakura has disappeared into the restroom. Or maybe left them. Ten’s getting the urge to do the same.
⠀⠀Tenten is also, despite her promise to herself, no longer sober. She got a little apprehensive when the boys peeled off, and left her alone with Ino, Sakura and Hinata. Hinata’s not so bad, the space between them softened by Neji’s presence, physical or otherwise; even with Ino, all Tenten has to do is occasionally nod along with whatever she’s gabbing about. It’s a nice, cordial time, even. That does not apply to Sakura.
⠀⠀But it’s alright! It’s more than alright. Tenten is sitting besides Hinata, Ino is still gabbing away with those boys, Sakura may or may not return. Tenten chugs the rest of her beer — already her sixth so far. Nearly the exact same second that Tenten sets the glass bottle back on the wired steel tabletop, Hinata sits up, ramrod straight, tension lining her shoulders. Unable to ever turn off their training, Ino and Ten both turn to her immediately, silent and waiting. Two beats pass before Hinata abruptly stands and says, “ I think I’m going to vomit. ”
⠀⠀She shoves herself back from the table fast enough that her chair screeches as she goes, harsh like gunpowder against flintstone, a flash of something bright and cruel. Metal against concrete. The boys next to them are silently watching. Barely another second before Hinata turns and flees; Ino and Tenten both rise to follow — Ino pushes Tenten back to her seat with a simple command : “ Stay for Sakura. ”
⠀⠀With a sinking feeling in her stomach, Tenten slowly settles back down into her seat. Something heavy sits in her stomach. One of the boys looks over at her, blanches in obvious reaction to Hinata’s declaration. Tenten can’t even bring herself to make a face back, despite what she’s feeling.
⠀⠀The thing is, as a genin, Tenten was kind of … a bitch. Blunt, aggressive, opinionated. She even used to practice smirking in her mirror before meeting up with her team in the morning. There’s an explanation, of course — she figured being a big meanie was the smart way to play it, thanks to what lays between her legs. It’d been a bumpy ride at first, settling in against Neji and Lee, insecurity and uncertainty making Tenten squirm under her covers at night, so many nasty things and thoughts coming to mind that, well — a little bite was good, right? Necessary, even, to prove herself. She had to show she was more than just some girl. Tenten was even worse to other kunoichi, in her opinion. Never bothering to give them the time of day, or willing to help out, give some advice, even though as their senior, she should’ve done better.
⠀⠀Except, the truth is, it’s never been about her gender. There’s something else lurking under her skin, tight and sharp and wrong, and Tenten sees it when she looks in the mirror, and sees it when she remembers her mother looking in the mirror. Big eyes, sunken due to depression. A flash of a spark, but it’d been a toss up between fury and insanity. A twisted version of herself, imposed on the face of a dying monster. It was easy to be mean, because if she was mean, she was alive. If she was alive, she wasn’t weak like her, like her mother.
⠀⠀The realization is new, fragile. Only digestible now thanks to her mother’s passing.
⠀⠀Lee and Neji know, unfortunately. Gai, of course. It makes Tenten itchy, wondering what’s been said. Makes her doubt the validity of this get together, makes her suspect of intentions. Ninja are sneaky, after all. Kunoichi are sneakier.
⠀⠀There’s also the Sakura element thrown in that makes Ten apprehensive. Tenten worries that she’d been just as poisonous to Sakura as she’d been to dozens of other genin, and Tenten worries about what it means that she can’t remember. Did her mother remember every time she’d yelled at Ten, called her dreams worthless, idiotic? Does the rot spread even after the tree has burned?
⠀⠀Tenten worries that the answer is yes, because even if, by some miracle, Tenten hadn’t been a callous bitch to Sakura ( doubtful ), she still wants to be.
⠀⠀Want is maybe the wrong word. Tenten recoils from the frustration and the anger that sits in the deepest recesses of her sixteen year old belly, wants to throw up just from the thought, and yet. And yet the fire is not extinguished, and it’s been stoking ever since the news that Lady Tsunade would be taking Sakura on as an apprentice broke through their group. It’s been even worse since Naruto returned, triumphant, stronger. Tenten remembers the moment, and there, in the present, she flinches.
⠀⠀Jealousy is a hand around her throat, shifting and squeezing and never letting go. In her darkest nightmares, Tenten sees a masculine hand, fingers bloody, nails dirty, and no matter how much she begs her father, he will not let go.
⠀⠀Tenten sighs out loud, stands up. Heads inside to get another beer and hopes like fuck that whoever’s in charge of this silly little life finally has mercy.
⠀⠀When she returns to the table, two Yebisu clutched in one hand, Sakura is waiting for her.
⠀⠀Sakura has her head down, scrolling through her phone. There’s a bottle of sake, four shot glasses in front of her, and one of the ragged laminated menus. Streaked and wrinkled under the lamination, in the way you can tell that even if the staff wipes them down, they’re still dirty. Tenten hates touching them, usually just reads over Neji’s shoulder, if he’s not ordering for her, for whatever reason.
⠀⠀Gai-sensei must never know this, but in the one singular moment that Tenten stands in the door frame for the patio, and Sakura has her head down, still not having looked up, Ten considers bolting. In her head, she visualizes the handsigns for a shunshin, and so help her, it almost feels like it’ll work, like she can mold chakra with just her mind, the anxiety spikes so suddenly, so severely.
⠀⠀She wishes she could pull a Hinata, go throw up, too. The sight of Sakura has made her mouth entirely dry, however. Her stomach is tight. One of the bartenders comes up behind Tenten, hand on the small of her back, and without thought, Tenten steps forward.
⠀⠀“ Excuse me, miss, ” the bartender says, gentle, polite. Trying to get past her to clean up, Tenten assumes. Sakura looked up at the same instant Ten’s right foot touches the concrete. With an exaggerated movement, Sakura looks around at their empty table and pulls a face, confused. Tenten doesn’t swallow, doesn’t want to act like she’s being ushered to her death. She heads over.
⠀⠀“ Sorry, ” Tenten starts, weirdly breathless. She puts the beers down too hard, the glass clangs against the tabletop. The bottlecap is off of one of them, and the amber malt almost immediately begins to rise in reaction. “ I got, uh. Thirsty. ”
⠀⠀“ That’s alright, ” Sakura says. Gentle smile, a little absent-minded, like she’s thinking of something else. She looks a little tired, too. Shoulders slumped down, but her face is calm, still, peaceful. This is probably a relaxing moment for her, Tenten thinks. After a long hard day with Tsunade, Sakura probably needs a little girl time. Fuck.
⠀⠀Tenten doesn’t know a fucking thing about girl time. Half the time, she’s not even entirely sure that she’s a girl. Her thoughts get wild, frantic, wanting to spin out and land onto something safe. Nothing is safe here, not with Sakura in front of her.
⠀⠀“ Where did Hinata and Ino go? Is everything okay? ” Sakura asks, politely concerned, though she does turn to look at Ten, gaze a little sharper than it was a few mere seconds ago. This is what it means to be kunoichi, Tenten has learned. There is never a true moment of peace, because the knife can turn on its edge in a second. The boys next to them have cleared out already, but anyone worth her salt would start to put two and two together, start worrying about what could’ve prompted their exit, and where they might be at now.
⠀⠀“ It’s fine, ” Tenten hastens to reassure her. “ Hinata — got sick, maybe? Said she had to throw up. Ino went with her. Didn’t you see them in the restroom? ”
⠀⠀Sakura doesn’t blush, because Tenten assumes that Tsunade has trained her better than that, but there is a sudden slight stillness from the other that ticks Ten off to something. Sakura’s gaze is cool as she levels with Tenten, doesn’t blink. Her answer is short and complete :
⠀⠀“ I wasn’t in the restroom. ”
⠀⠀It’s not a challenge, per se, but it’s said with such finality and seriousness that it makes Tenten pause, makes her trip up within herself. She starts to wonder if she’d said something wrong, offended Sakura with a simple assumption. She opens her mouth — to apologize, maybe? Though she hasn’t done anything wrong — when Ino appears at their side.
⠀⠀Not there one moment, there the next; neither Sakura nor Tenten flinch in surprise.
⠀⠀Ino looks fine, thankfully. A little pout appears when she looks over and sees the table next to them is empty now, but she’s not covered in guts or vomit or blood, and she’s not radiating killing intent. She just screws up her mouth, a small frown, and tells them, “ Hinata got sick from all the gummy bears Kiba put down her throat. Plus, I think they were actually edibles. I’m gonna take her home, alright? You two good? ”
⠀⠀“ Oh, we’ll come with you! ” Tenten exclaims, putting her hands on the armrests of her chair, ready to pull back. A little too eager, she almost shouts it, relief palpable in her words. At the exact same moment, Sakura offers :
⠀⠀“ We’re good here, we’re gonna hang out and have some more fun. ”
⠀⠀In the space between everyone involved digesting that, Sakura and Tenten stare at each other. Tenten blinks first. It feels like a defeat.
⠀⠀“ We will? ” Tenten asks, voice smaller than it should be. She lets go of the chair, hesitantly sinks back into it.
⠀⠀“ We will,” Sakura promises. “ Tsunade’s brought me here before. I wanna enjoy it for once. Usually I’m too busy making sure shishou doesn’t kill anyone to actually appreciate anything. ”
⠀⠀Fuck, Tenten thinks once more. She reaches for the sake bottle, pours herself a shot, and throws it back in less than seven seconds.
⠀⠀Tenten thinks she manages to tell Sakura not to be worried about the lights being on in her apartment, but the truth is that Sakura has Ten almost thrown over her own shoulder, and Ten can’t even see her own apartment. She still lives on the civilian side of the village, where rent isn’t any cheaper, but Fumiko had sorted out some sort of deal with the landlord. Tenten still reaps the benefits.
⠀⠀In theory, the lights could be off. In reality, Neji and Lee have long since made Ten’s space their own, and they both have keys, and they should both know that Tenten’s kind of got shit impulse control, so there shouldn’t have ever been any doubt about the state that she’d be returning in. For all her promises, Ten goes a little harder than others expect her to, sometimes. It’s fine. What truly matters is that one of them, though preferably both, will always be waiting for her to come home.
⠀⠀The thought makes Tenten tear up, and she lets out a small hiccup of a sob, more dramatic than anything, but heartfelt just the same. Neji says she gets it from Gai, getting sentimental when she’s drunk. It’s why Tenten prefers to do drugs.
⠀⠀“ Don’t throw up on me, please, ” Sakura says, softly. It’s more of a command than anything, but she sounds sweet, gentle. Tenten wants to promise that she won’t, she’d never get Sakura dirty like that. The words, if they come out at all, are undoubtedly garbled. Tenten reaches and pats whatever part of Sakura is closest as a means of agreement. It’s Sakura’s ass.
⠀⠀They both giggle, but when Sakura manages to stumble inside of the apartment building, nothing’s funny as they face down three flights of stairs. Tenten doesn’t move from her perch on Sakura’s shoulder, though there’s a moment where Tenten tries to explain her thought process — Sakura’s undoubtedly stronger, training with Tsunade, after all. Tenten mostly just caresses Sakura’s bicep.
⠀⠀The door is open by the time they make it up the stairs. Sakura’s swearing under her breath, Tenten’s face has bounced off the hallway wall more times than she can count, and they’re both laughing hard enough that Tenten swears one of them is going to pee. She’d tried to crack a joke about it, but couldn’t get through it, laughing so hard at whatever was in her head that nothing else had the space to get through. Thankfully, Sakura seems to be on her level.
⠀⠀She doesn’t see, exactly, that it’s Neji grabbing her from Sakura, but Tenten is more than familiar with his hand at her waist, the way he guides her towards him, her back facing him. Those are the hands that have pulled her from literal hellholes — she’d recognize him blind. When she finally turns around to face him, beaming, the world is dark; Tenten doesn’t realize her eyes are closed.
⠀⠀Time passes by quickly enough like this, Tenten being passed from one person to the next. She thinks she hears Sakura giving a quick run down of the night, there’s some laughter, bright and joyous and delighted in a way that can only belong to Lee. With her eyes still closed, Tenten smiles in response. Neji keeps his arm curled around her waist.
⠀⠀Eventually, Tenten grows tired of listing in the doorway of her apartment, starts pushing her whole weight against Neji, a wordless plea to get inside, to bed. She’s tired, and happy, and drunk out of her fucking mind. It’d been great. We’re gonna hang out and have some more fun.
⠀⠀“ Goodnight, Ten! ” Sakura calls, managing to break through the mess that Tenten currently is. Ten attempts a wave, realizes her arm is tucked between her chest and Neji’s forearm. She grunts once, attempts to twist around to say good-bye as well, and almost falls, so unsteady on her feet is she. Neji doesn’t let her.
⠀⠀“ G’night, S’kura,” is Tenten’s slurred response. “ Sorry for being such a bitch to ya! ”
⠀⠀She feels Neji stiffen, just slightly, under her weight. Even Lee cuts off his excited chatter. Sakura simply laughs, a delighted bark, something surprised. Her voice is low and warm, inviting and kind, when she replies, “ It’s okay. I’ll let you off the hook, just this once. ”
⠀⠀They laugh together once more. Neji mostly carries Tenten into the bathroom, where he’ll help wipe off her make up, maybe even help brush her teeth. Lee’s warm presence is gone from the apartment, but Ten knows it won’t be long till he returns, no doubt walking Sakura home.
⠀⠀“ Did you have fun? ” Neji asks, quietly. She hums, content, as he gently rubs her toner across her cheeks, before surprising herself with a small burp. Neji doesn’t laugh, but she can still feel it, that small twitch in the air. A suppressed smile, even though he should know better than to do that here.
⠀⠀“ Can’t even rem’ber. ”