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Ah, Welton Academy. The all girl’s school that had started in secrecy back in 1859, slowly integrating itself into the public eye and eventually being (mostly) accepted 100 years later, in 1959. A school that — despite being full of a gender the world loves to hate for some strange reason — has become very well respected over the years, even becoming known as the best preparatory school In the U.S.
The school Toah is sitting in right now, already dreading the thought of starting here.
Her sister, Jennifer, had gone here a few years back. She was always supposed to do the same, but her grades had been too low for them to accept her at first. So, she went to a public high school for a while, trying to get her grades up while simultaneously trying to ignore her mother’s passive aggressive comments and her father’s blatant disappointment and anger. It was tough work, but she got there in the end. Now, she’s wishing she never started trying. It’s not like this would make her parents be any less disappointed in her. It’s not like this would make them see her as equal to Jennifer. She could never reach the height of the pedestal they put her sister on, no matter how hard she tried. Now, she’s just going to have to suffer through a strict school system with crushing expectations and zero friends. Great.
She zones out for most of principal Nolan’s speech. She doubts anything the old hag has to say is important, anyway. Tradition, honour, discipline, excellence, same old, same old. She doesn’t care.
When it’s finally over, she’s thrown into a sea of students and parents and teachers that starts to overwhelm her a bit. She pushes through though, only having to say something once to Principal Nolan; a simple ‘thanks’ in response to more comparison between her and her sister. She’s not thankful in the slightest, but she says it anyway.
When she’s got her luggage and her parents are finally gone, the crowd has died down by a large margin. She sighs in relief at the realization and begins walking to her dorm, doing her best to avoid looking like she’s struggling with her bags lest anyone come up and ask if she needs help. She succeeds at this, but not at the whole avoiding anyone coming up to her part.
“Hey,” a voice says from behind her, a warm hand placed on her shoulder. “I hear we’re gonna be roommates. I’m Noelle Perry.” The girl says, stepping to walk beside Toah as she holds her hand out for a handshake. And wow… This girl’s gorgeous… Volumized, shoulder-length, curly brown hair that bounces captivatingly with every movement she makes, tied with a white ribbon in a half-up half-down style. Wide, dark brown eyes that look so innocent and full of life, with long, dark lashes that seem completely natural. Thick eyebrows (a feature Toah has always adored) just above her big, doe eyes that make her look friendly and soft. Clear skin and glossy, pink lips, smiling at Toah like a long-time friend.
Toah almost feels like she’s moving in slow motion as she takes her in, shaking her hand and probably staring as she does so, but she doesn’t really care. This girl must be too pretty to be unaware of it, surely. She must be told on the daily how beautiful she is. She must be used to stares and glances and wobbly little smiles as she walks past. When Toah’s hand finally clasps around Noelle’s, she’s even more entranced by the feel of her perfectly soft hands. She wears a pearl ring with a thin, gold band around her middle finger, a pretty addition Toah guesses must be a gift because no teenager has the money to buy something like that themselves.
“Toah Anderson.” She says when she finally comes back to reality and lets go of Noelle’s hand.
“Gosh, your name’s pretty.” Noelle says with a soft smile, taking one of Toah’s bags from her before she can protest. She’s not actually sure if she can even talk right now. What has to be the prettiest girl in the world just called her name pretty. Her name. The one she feels such shame telling anyone due to years of teasing when she was younger. Toah is starstruck to say the least.
“Oh, thank you.” Toah mumbles, her cheeks flushing. “It’s- I got it from my great grandmother.” She lies, keeping her eyes trained onto the ground in front of her. She feels as though she’s looked at the other girl a little too long, now she’s embarrassed to accidentally glance in her direction.
“Well, your parents made the right choice naming you after her.” She says with a tilt of her head and a smile brighter than any summer day Toah has ever seen. She flushes again, and the walk to their dorm is silent for the most part.
☆
Toah has been settling in nicely to Welton. She and Noelle have become pretty good friends now, and she’s even been talking to Noelle’s friends without her having to be in the conversation! Or even in the room! While she may be somewhat (read: very) bad at making friends and socialising in general, she’s been improving a lot recently!
And maybe that’s why her teacher has suddenly decided that now is the time to torture her. Yes, her specifically. At the end of English, her last period for the day, Ms. Keating announced that everyone in the class would be required to write a poem. Annoying and definitely hard for someone as self conscious as Toah, but not that bad. Then, she told them their poems would have to be read aloud to the entire class. That is essentially a death sentence to Toah. And as if things weren’t bad enough, just when she thought she had left and couldn’t deliver anymore bad news, the teacher popped her head back in and singled Toah out.
“Ms. Anderson,” She called out, stopping the girl in her tracks from atop the teacher’s desk.
“Don’t think I don’t know this assignment scares the hell out of you, you mole.” And then she flicked the light off and left. For real, this time. Toah could only sigh and attempt to block out the laughter of her peers as she jumped down and collected her things, retreating to her dorm with Noelle.
“So, mole,” Noelle giggles. And oh god, Toah really hopes that name doesn’t stick. “Got any ideas on what you’re gonna do for your poem?”
Toah shakes her head. “No, I’m a little too focused on the ‘reading it aloud to the whole class’ thing. Can’t really think straight.” Like she ever can around Noelle.
“Well, I suppose that’s fair enough.” Noelle shrugs, her shoulder bumping against Toah’s. “Think I’m gonna go for a walk. Might help get some ideas, you know? Do you wanna join me?”
“U-uh, no. No, I don’t think so.” Toah says quickly. She’d be much too distracted to think about poetry while alone with Noelle. Or at least, too distracted to think about poetry that wasn’t about her. “Sorry, I just… I think it’d be better for me to just sit and try to think of something. I’d get too distracted otherwise.”
“Suit yourself.” Noelle says nonchalantly and speeds towards their dorm once the door is in sight. When Toah steps inside, the other girl is walking out with more casual clothes in her arms, speeding off towards the bathroom. Toah is so incredibly glad she didn’t change in their shared space just because they’re both girls or just because they’re friends. She doesn’t think she’d have survived if she did.
☆
Later that afternoon, Noelle had burst into her and Toah’s dorm with a poster in her hands and a wide smile on her face. The poster was promoting auditions to a Shakespeare play at Henley Hall. Noelle told Toah all about how she’d finally figured it out, that she was born to act. And Toah was happy for her. She’s happy for herself, too, because when Noelle came back from her audition announcing she had been given the role of Puck, the two of them made it a regular thing to rehearse her lines together.
Right now, they’re sitting on the dock, Toah reading out the lines of any character that isn’t Puck and Noelle responding with the lines she’s memorized now. Every so often, Toah will pause or stammer through words she’s unsure how to say, but Noelle is patient and helps her with trickier words she doesn’t even recognize.
“‘-When you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake, and so everyone according to his cue.’” Toah reads off the script, turning it over so Noelle can’t see her line.
The girl beside her recites it with ease, pride gleaming on her face as she speaks. “What hempen homespuns have we swagg’ring here, so near the cradle of the Fairy Queen? What, a play toward? I’ll be an auditor— an actor too perhaps, if I see cause.”
Toah can’t help but smile at her, admiring her large eyes that now stare into her own. The light reflecting off her dark brown irises makes them look golden and almost glowing. It’s completely enchanting and Toah can’t seem to look back at the script now. She only realizes how long she must’ve been staring for when Noelle speaks again. Not a line, this time.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” She says with a smile, almost like she knows why Toah is staring. She wipes her mouth with the sleeve of her sweater, shrugging when nothing is rubbed off on it.
“N-no, nothing.” What Toah really wants to say is ‘just your beauty’ or something else equally cheesy and gross, but she bites her tongue. She reluctantly tears her gaze away, looking back down at the script in her hands.
‘Maybe one day.’ She thinks.
☆
“Did I ever tell you what my name means?” Toah asks Noelle one night, sitting on the stone wall with her roommate standing before her.
“No, I don’t think so. You just told me it was your great grandmother’s.” Noelle shakes her head and lowers herself to sit next to Toah, sensing a serious conversation coming.
“Oh, I did tell you that, didn't I…” Toah recalls, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly.
“What, was it not?” Noelle asks. “Why’d you say it was?”
“Because I felt like telling you the reason behind it wasn’t really something you should share with someone you just met.”
Noelle stays quiet, waiting for Toah to elaborate.
She sighs, then begins her explanation. “It’s a biblical name. It means weapon. Or dart, I’m pretty sure. I don’t really remember. What I do remember is my parents telling me why they gave it to me. My sister, Jennifer, is 7 years older than me. She’s always been a genius and good at pretty much everything, so when my parents decided to have another kid, they hoped I’d be the same. They named me Toah because they hoped I’d grow up to be a weapon and perfectly hit the bullseye in everything I did. They gave up that hope pretty much instantly when I didn’t start developing as quickly as Jenny did. You know I didn’t start talking ‘til I was nearly 3 years old? That’s what my parents always told me at least. Ever since then, they’ve made it a point to constantly compare me to my sister and make sure I know how disappointed in me they are.”
Noelle just stares with wide eyes at Toah. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. What does she do in this situation? Does she share her own experiences with her bastard father as a way to tell her she’s not alone? Would she take offense to that? She’s not sure, so she instead moves. She rests her head on Toah’s shoulder, wrapping her in a sort of half-hug.
Toah tenses at the contact for a second, before she slowly relaxes into it, resting her head against Noelle’s. Noelle smiles at the reciprocation. Her eyes drift to the impersonal birthday gift sitting next to Toah still, huffing out a quiet laugh as she remembers the way they were joking about it earlier.
“Just between you and me, I think that desk set would work better as a boat.” She says quietly, closing her eyes and basking in the moment.
Toah, catching on the silent promise to toss it in the fountain later, smiles faintly, sinking further into Noelle’s side. “I think you’re right. We’ll have to test it sometime.”
And then it’s quiet. Noelle opens her eyes again and looks up at the pretty shining stars freckled in the sky, matching the small amount she has across her nose, shoulders and back. She hums and rests her chin on Toah’s shoulder, staring directly into her eyes when she turns to look at her.
“Happy birthday, Toah.” She whispers.
“Thank you, Noelle.” Toah whispers back.
☆
After Noelle’s play, Toah manages to sneak backstage to find Noelle. It seems many other people had the same idea as her, considering how many embracing friends and couples and family members she sees behind the curtain that definitely weren’t in the play.
There are a lot of people backstage, and while this would normally overwhelm Toah and make her back out, she needs to see Noelle right now. The rest of the poets had been caught trying to sneak backstage due to Charlie’s inability to watch from afar when she sees a pretty guy, and thus had been kicked out and are currently waiting for Toah and Noelle with Ms. Keating. Toah secretly thinks it’s for the best. This is a conversation she’d rather have privately.
She eventually finds Noelle as she’s leaving the dressing room, talking with a few other girls she left with when she spots Toah waiting for her. She grins and runs up to her, throwing her arms around her neck and embracing her tightly. Toah doesn’t hesitate to return the action, wrapping her arms around Noelle’s waist with a smile of her own.
“You were great!” She cheers when they pull apart, Noelle’s hands still on her shoulders and her own hands still resting on Noelle’s waist. She doesn’t even think about it. “I honestly didn’t really know what was going on or what the characters were talking about sometimes, but that was amazing! You’re spectacular, Noelle!”
“Thank you!” She squeals in response, reluctantly letting go when she notices a boy on the other side of the hall staring right at them. She doesn’t look at him again, instead focusing on the girl in front of her. “Where are the rest of the poets? I wanna know what they thought!”
“They loved it, trust me. I’ll let them tell you all about it later, but for now, um…” She pauses, putting her hands in the pockets of her coat. “I-I wanted to talk to you about something. Privately, if that’s okay.”
Noelle’s smile falters a bit and she tilts her head to the side, pulling her own coat on. “Sure thing. Is something wrong?”
“No, no, nothing’s wrong. I just…” She looks around for a moment and despite there not being any people around, she pulls Noelle down the hall and into a little nook behind a wall. ‘Best to get it over with fast.’ Toah thinks, taking a deep breath. Noelle is still looking at her with a small smile, but a concerned look in her eye and furrowed brows. “I…”
“I’m in love with you.” Noelle says quickly before Toah can continue. She stares wide eyed at the brown haired girl, her face flushing.
“You… You what?” She questions, unbelieving of what she’s hearing.
“I’m in love with you.” She says again slowly, her smile growing again as she laughs. “I’m so incredibly in love with you, Toah Anderson. I have been since the second I saw you. You’re pretty and smart and caring and you just get me so easily, you know? You managed to get as close as Charlie and I had gotten after years of knowing each other. You only took a few months. I don’t know how to explain it, Toah, I just… I’m so drawn to you. I love you! God, do I love you. And if I’m being completely honest, I think you might feel the same way.”
Toah blinks at Noelle, feeling a mix of surprise, relief and pure, uncontrollable joy. She beams at Noelle, laughing at herself for how nervous she had been for apparently no reason. Noelle laughs with her, probably for reasons different from her own.
“God- of course I feel the same way, Noelle. How could I not?” Toah sighs, hugging Noelle once more. She can feel tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, but she doesn’t let any of them out.
When Noelle pulls away, she stares into her eyes the way she always has; wide and vulnerable and full of life. She brings a hand up to cup Toah’s cheek, smiling wider. “Can I kiss you?”
“Please,” Toah laughs.
Then, their lips meet and it feels like something has just clicked into place for Toah. Like this is exactly what she was made for. The best example she can think of is how soulmates work in Greek Mythology: a body with four arms and four legs, split apart by Zeus. Maybe they’ll meet again, maybe they won’t. But Toah knows that she’s found her other half. SHe knows this is right. Noelle is the girl of her dreams and she’s never going to leave her side. Not now, not ever, not for anything in the world.
They return to the poets hand in hand, which gets cheers, teasing (mainly from Charlie), ‘I told you so’s (mainly from Cameron) and genuine congratulations from all of them.
Noelle and Toah don’t stop holding hands for the whole night. When they wake up the next day, their hands are still entwined and they’re both still hopelessly in love with the other.
And they wouldn’t have it any other way.