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"Now, onto the good news. It is reported that the trainee we all know and love from the popular survival show The Uni+, has signed with an agency and is preparing for his solo debut as we speak. Despite his popularity in the show, Momijikawa had disappeared from the face of the earth as soon as the show ended. While everyone is still curious about where he was and why he had disappeared, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we can't wait to see what The Nation's Son, Momijikawa Sakae, will prepare for us."
Sakura was getting himself a drink while the TV was playing in low volume to fill up the silence caused by everyone being cooped up in their room. Just as he was about to sit down, the news that was going to change everything once again, was being announced. He stared at the television in a painful shock. His whole body had gone cold the moment the reporter uttered that name. The glass shattering on the floor caused his teammates to come out of their room as the memories he buried so deep surfaced like a tsunami.
He was coming back. He was coming back after everything and Sakura was finding out about it through the news.
"Haruka!" Sakura was on his way to the practice room when Momijikawa's voice reached his ears. He slowed down his pace to wait for Momijikawa to catch up to him.
Momijikawa draped his arm over Haruka's shoulder. "Hey," Sakura said softly, small smile on his face. He did his best to not let anyone see his smile, not wanting to ruin his reputation. But Momijikawa was an exception. He was always an exception when it comes to seeing Sakura for all he is. And Sakura knew he was the same for Momijikawa. He knew he would keep up appearances around other trainees and teachers, act like he was the perfect human being. But Sakura knew what he was really like. Sakura knew he got scared every time monthly reevaluate came around, he knew he was sacrificing sleep to be perfect at everything but never mention it to anyone, he knew how flawed Momijikawa was. And he loved it. He loved being the only one to see the real Momijikawa and not the front he puts up.
"What're you up to?" Momijikawa asked, snapping Sakura out of his thoughts. Sakura sighed. Just thinking about today's schedule was tiring him out.
"On my way to fix some stuff for the choreography I'm gonna perform on monthly reevaluate." Momijikawa groaned, dropping his head on top of Sakura's.
"Why would you remind me that? I was having an amazing time walking with my favorite person." Sakura couldn't help but blush, hoping Momijikawa won't see it.
"Well, it is a constant in our trainee lifes until we debut," Sakura stated. He also wasn't the biggest fan of it, but to be able to debut they had to show their best performances. "Get your head of off me, it's heavy."
"You're rude, Haruka. Rude, I tell you. You should console me, not pain me!" Sakura chuckled. This was the Momijikawa he knew. It was the one only Sakura could see.
"You'll be alright even if you present half assed performance. You're the golden boy after all, aren't you?" Sakura said with a smirk and watched Momijikawa's face turn serious. If it was someone else standing in Sakura's place, he was sure they'd burst out in tears upon seeing Momijikawa expression. But Sakura knew so well what was laying behind that expression, he wasn't scared one bit.
Momijikawa expression softened slightly after a few seconds. He pulled his arm back and showed his hands in his jacket's pockets. "Well," he started, voice calm and heavy. "Can't let people lose faith in golden boy, can I? I'll join you in the practice room. Let's go." Sakura watched him take determined steps towards his, their, dream, his heart feeling light knowing there was someone who would be with him every step of the way.
"Sakura-san? Sakura-san!" Nirei's voice snapped Sakura out of the memory that surfaced against his will. He was sitting on the couch with Nirei right by his side and Suo standing close enough but still giving him some space. "Are you okay?" Nirei asked quietly. That was when Sakura noticed that they had turned the TV off, all their focus on Sakura.
Sakura shook his head and tried to put a smile on his face to reassure Nirei. He opened his mouth to say everything was fine but only a small sob left his throat. Nirei immediately wrapped his arms around Sakura and pulled him close to his chest while Suo took his place on Sakura's other side, a hand on his back.
Sakura stayed wrapped in between his teammates, his friends, as he silently cried about a friendship he didn't even know when it ended. Momijikawa was the one who was supposed to be next to him. He was the one who was supposed to protect Sakura when things got too hurtful. But he was nowhere to be seen, he was away in a place where Sakura had no way to reach and he was the reason why everything was hurting.
So Sakura clinged to the support system he had right now to get through this pain, forget it ever happened and move on stronger than ever. He wrapped his arms around Nirei's middle as his tears slowed down. Nirei kept hugging him and holding him tight and Sakura was grateful for him. He was grateful that Nirei and Suo were still with him after how they started and how rude Sakura was to them.
It was around the time when Momijikawa had disappeared without telling Sakura anything and Sakura was sacrificing sleep to get a hold of him to no avail. That was when the company let him know about this new group they were forming and that he was going to be a member of it. Sakura had asked them about whether or not Momijikawa was going to be in it only to be faced with silence.
After that Sakura started boycotting this new group they were forming in silence. He refused to show up to the meetings about it, and if he did he made it obvious that he didn't want to be there. He didn't greet his supposed teammates, he didn't even acknowledge them whenever they were in the same room.
But despite everything Sakura did, Suo and Nirei still greeted him everyday, they still tried to talk to him whenever they were in the same room. They gave him his space when it was obvious that he needed it but they also never gave up making this group work and Sakura was always going to be grateful for that.
He was also grateful that they didn't pressure him with questions and let him retrieve to his room for the rest of the evening.
That was how Sakura found himself laying on his bed, scrolling through social media to keep his mind from thinking about what happened in the past. Whatever reason Momijikawa had for disappearing, Sakura was too hurt about it to really care. Nothing would justify Momijikawa leaving without letting Sakura know about it after all the promises he gave to Sakura. Even if he came back, even if their paths crossed sooner or later, it was Sakura's turn to ignore Momijikawa with all his power.
Sakura shook his head when he realized he was thinking about Momijikawa again. He turned his focus back to his phone screen only to see a post talking about how excited they were to witness 'Momijikawa's epic comeback'. Sakura couldn't help but roll his eyes. They were having high expectations for the guy who couldn't even keep the simplest promises. Sakura scrolled past without paying any mind. He knew Momijikawa and how he left Sakura stranded when they were dreaming of debuting together.
He kept scrolling until his eyelids became heavy with sleep. Just as he was about to put his phone away and go to sleep his eyes caught a post about Momijikawa once again. He was going to ignore this too, like he did with others but his eyes stayed glued to it. He read the words over and over again. The post was accompanied by a video from Momijikawa's survival show days. In it, he was talking about how important the relationship between the trainees were and how much he valued the friendships he made here.
Sakura didn't know what was about it that made his blood boil. He was there when Momijikawa was filming this, he had heard Momijikawa say it hundreds of time before. Maybe it was because he was sleepy, maybe it was because of what happened, Sakura wasn't sure. But he was sure that he was angrier than the moment when he found out that Momijikawa had abandoned him. And he wanted to do something about it, wanted to release this pent up anger he has been holding in for three years now.
His fingers moved on their own and before he knew it he was replying to the post and letting go of all his anger and hurt. He turned his phone off after posting his reply and tried to fall asleep. His mind was still full of Momijikawa and Sakura was sure he was going to dream about him too, which made him reluctant to go to sleep. But before long he couldn't fight the heaviness of his eyelids and fell asleep, hoping he wouldn't see the painful memories in his dreams.
Sakura woke up to a banging on his door. He tried to ignore it and hid his head under his pillow. But the banging didn't cease and got louder instead. After yesterday, he was hoping to sleep in, forget the whole day. He also didn't want to live through a new day where everyone around was going to talk about Momijikawa. He didn't want to hear it. As the banging kept on going, Sakura grumbled and got up to open the door. Before he could get a word in, his manager stormed in and started waving a tablet in Sakura's face.
"What were you thinking, Sakura?!" he was yelling already and Sakura was having a hard time understanding what was going on. "The whole country is talking about you! And not in a good way! I thought we left this whole rebellious phase in the past! What is this?! Why would you do something like this!?" Sakura stared at his manager and the tablet in his hand. Amidst all the waving he could faintly see the screen that was open to his reply that he posted last night before falling asleep. The reply that was on his official account.
Sakura felt the blood draining from his whole body. His hands went cold as he looked between Suo and Nirei, who were watching them from the door with anxious expressions on their faces, and his manager who was still complaining about how much damage this could possibly cause. Sakura slowly sat on his bed, not trusting his legs to keep him up. His manager, noticing his distress, sat beside him and put the tablet away. Sakura shook his head, trying to make sense of what had happened, how it had happened.
"I swear, I thought I was on my private account. I swear, I didn't do it on purpose, Yuki-san." Sakura muttered, he couldn't find the strength to raise his voice. He never wanted to damage his group. He never wanted to hurt Suo and Nirei. "I know, it's my fault. I know, I should've double checked before posting it, and I'm so sorry," Sakura looked at Nirei and Suo with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"We know, Sakura-kun. We don't blame you." Suo reassured him, his soft smile never leaving his face. Nirei nodded his head next to Suo and opened his mouth to assure Sakura when the manager cut him off.
"What's done is done. We can't dwell on the past. But you, Sakura. Need to fix this."
"How?" Sakura asked, hope seeping into his voice. If he could save his group then he could do anything. "Tell me, Yuki-san. I'll do everything to fix it."
"You need to reach out to Momijikawa, and get him to reply to you. That way everyone can chalk it up to a friendly banter." The tears stopped forming in his eyes the moment Sakura heard what his manager said. He looked at Nirei and Suo in shock before turning his head to stare at his manager.
"What?"
"Don't 'what' me Sakura," His manager said without looking at him. "While you were having your nth dream, we were thinking about what to do. This is the only way you and the group can survive this scandal without much damage." Sakura stopped himself from protesting even more. He tried to come up with something else, another way to get out of this unscathed. Maybe they could say that his account was hacked. That always worked with others. But it was obvious from his post that whoever posted it(Sakura himself), knew Momijikawa personally.
"How?" Sakura asked quietly, giving up on any other option. He didn't want to reach out to Momijikawa. He didn't want to see him, or hear his voice, or interact with him. Despite that, knowing he had to for the sake of his group was making Sakura even more pissed at Momijikawa.
"Well, you obviously know which agency he signed with, don't you? Find him. We'll take care of everything else, we'll take control over the social media too. You just need to find Momijikawa and get him to reply to you." Sakura sighed as his manager got up and left the room, saying goodbye to Nirei and Suo on his way out. Sakura looked at his teammates with slumped shoulders, the weight of his mistake burdening him. Nirei quickly sat beside him, asking questions about what happened and how was he going to reach the one he wanted to stay away. Sakura sighed once again and shook his head, not having any power left to answer him.
Sakura walked the crowded streets with his cap and mask pulled closer, his steps taking him to where he can fix this 'scandal'. Sakura was nervous. He was scared even, to meet Momijikawa. To see him having the time of his life with Sakura in it. On one hand, he wanted him to suffer, like Sakura did all those years. But on the other hand, he did want him to live the best life so that Sakura could hate him for forever.
His steps came to a stop when he arrived at his destination. Sakura took a deep breath and straightened himself before going inside. The lobby was not as crowded as the streets were, but there was still a fair amount of people which caused Sakura to pull his hat lower. Sakura moved closer to the front desk, and cleared his throat. The lady looked at him for a second before recognition flashing in her eyes. She quickly composed herself and asked Sakura what his reason for the visit was, without giving away anything.
Sakura kept his voice low and careful as he told her he needed to talk with Momijikawa. From her reaction, Sakura could see that she knew what was going on, but she still didn't do anything unprofessional. Sakura was grateful for that.
Before long, Sakura's shoulders slumped with defeat once again when she said Momijikawa wasn't in the company currently and that she didn't know when he would be back. Sakura left the building after she promised him to let Momijikawa know he visited and that she would tell him to pay him instead. Sakura thanked her quietly before leaving.
The moment he stepped outside he met with the wind almost knocking his hat off. Sakura held it tighter and pulled his shoulders up. He was a little bit annoyed that he has to wait for Momijikawa to fix the situation but he knew he couldn't complain. It was his fault everyone was attacking him and his teammates. He wasn't foreign to negative comments about himself. It was a painful constant in his trainee and idol life. He knew he wasn't like Momijikawa where everyone loved you no matter what you did. But he didn't want to see negative comments about Nirei and Suo because of himself. They didn't deserve it. They were the ones who gave Sakura chance after chance, even though he was nothing but rude to them in the beginning.
Sakura stopped himself from going back to home and decided to sit in a café close by. He couldn't face Nirei and Suo knowing he didn't fix anything. He hoped Momijikawa would come back quick and find him quick and fix everything quick. Sakura couldn't help but laugh at himself and the situation. He has always been someone who insists on taking care of everything himself, not asking help from others unless he tried everything and couldn't find any other way. But now he had to ask help from someone else the first thing, because he fucked up big and he couldn't fix it on his own no matter how much he tried. Even then, it would've been fine if the one he needed to ask help from wasn't the one who ignored Sakura for years.
Sakura stared at the hot cocoa he ordered upon entering the café, head hanging and deep in thoughts. He realized he didn't even know if this was going to work. Yuki-san had said that this was the only way, that people would chalk it up to friendly banter, but what if they didn't? Momijikawa and Sakura didn't interact for years, Sakura didn't even imply communicating with him after he disappeared. What if people saw right through their play and kept attacking his team? What was he going to do then? What could he even do, if this kept on going? Leave the group? He didn't want to. He didn't want to abandon Suo and Nirei like Momijikawa did to him. Go on a hiatus? It would still make everything harder for Nirei and Suo. Sakura silently prayed that Yuki-san was right and that this would work out without any more problems.
The loud noise coming from outside caused Sakura to snap his head towards the window. His heart was beating wildly, thinking the fans or haters found out where he was and came to harass him for the post. He let out a deep sigh of relief after noticing it was just the thunder and the rain that had started while he was in the café. Sakura looked back at his half drank hot cocoa and wondered if he should go back to the company to check for Momijikawa again. He decided against it in the end, not wanting to be seen as pathetic. The lady at the front desk knew what was going on, after all.
Sakura was ready to get up and go back home before rain decided to turn into a thunderstorm. But just before he could, a knock on his table stopped Sakura. His lifted his head up only to meet with the eyes he has been longing to see for three years. He was in a similar attire with Sakura, wearing a cap and a mask to hide himself from the public, but Sakura could recognize those eyes everywhere. They had spent day, weeks staring into each other's eyes just because. There was no way Sakura could mistake it.
Sakura watched as Momijikawa took his shocked silence as acceptance and sat across him. Sakura kept staring at him, trying to calm his heart down. He was hardly stopping himself from jumping out of his seat and wrapping himself around Momijikawa. He didn't need his heart to make it obvious to everyone with how loud it was beating. So what, if he saw his best friend who left him without a word after three years? So what, if he was about to confess before he disappeared from the face of the earth, leaving Sakura alone with his feelings and heartbreak? This meeting was all about business and only business. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Hey," Momijikawa said with a huge smile on his face. Sakura felt his eye twitch. Was he really going to act like nothing happened? "How have you been?" So he was going to act like nothing happened. Fine, then. Sakura scoffed quietly and straightened his posture.
"Thank you for coming," he said, keeping his voice professional. And he took a joy in Momijikawa's smile faltering. They weren't here to catch up. "First of all, I apologize for what I posted. I thought I was on my private account. It's totally my fault, and you have no reason to—"
"Haruka." Sakura snapped his mouth shut. He didn't want to hear Momijikawa's mellow voice say his name. He would've killed to hear it one more time three years ago, when he was hurting from the loss of his best friend. But not now. Not anymore. "Can we talk?" Momijikawa asked, his voice pleading.
"We are talking."
"About what happened."
"We are talking about what happened." Sakura said quietly but harshly, making it obvious he didn't want Momijikawa to push it. But of course, Momijikawa being Momijikawa, ignored Sakura's warning.
"Haruka, please—" Sakura slammed his hands on the table and jumped from his seat. He couldn't do it.
"Stop that!" He yelled, attracting the attention of the people in the café. "Stop calling me 'Haruka'! You lost that privilege when you abandoned me three years ago!" Sakura panted, noticing everyone's eye on them and a few people pulling their phones to film the commotion. "This was a mistake." Sakura muttered and left the café without waiting anyone to say anything. He had fucked up again. He was supposed to fix everything but he just couldn't keep his temper under control and ruin things even more for his team. God, he sucked big.
Sakura did hear Momijikawa running after him and calling his name, but he was feeling petty and angry, and he didn't want to let Momijikawa catch up to him. Public opinion be damned, he couldn't sit there and watch Momijikawa act like he didn't ignore Sakura for years.
Sakura was so pissed that he forgot it was raining outside. His fast steps made raindrops hit his face harder than usual, causing his mask to be soaked with rain. Sakura ripped the mask off and threw it away without slowing down his steps. Momijikawa was still calling after him and Sakura hoped he was at least aware of both of them being the talk of the country. He was sure the people in the cafe were going to talk about what happened and post the videos they took. He was already in deep shit, he didn't need to sink deeper because of Momijikawa.
Sakura stopped in his tracks when a car driving past splashed him with rain water. Sakura closed his eyes and took deep breaths. His rebellious phase was in the past. He wasn't the guy who snapped at everyone and everything anymore. He needed to stay calm and collected, he needed to think about the group and people on the internet who was ready to tear him to pieces on his smallest mistake, he needed to be aware of the consequences. Sakura felt the fight leave his body. He stood still on the side of the road, his clothes were now soaked too thanks to that douche-bag who was driving like there was no one on the streets.
Momijikawa had caught up to him in no time, putting his hand on Sakura's shoulder. Sakura didn't move to shake his hand off of his shoulders, he didn't even react. Sakura lowered his head as Momijikawa placed himself in front of Sakura. It wasn't like he was gonna run away again, and if he wanted to he could easily move past him. Though, it looked like Momijikawa was also aware of it, if him holding Sakura's shoulders tightly was anything to go by.
"Haruka—" Momijikawa started. But Sakura didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear Momijikawa say his name.
"Don't." Sakura muttered. For the first time ever since yesterday, Sakura was glad that Momijikawa was close enough to hear him.
"Okay." Momijikawa said quietly. Sakura let out a deep sigh. It was taking everything in him to not let his head fall into Momijikawa's chest and hide himself away from the world. He was tired. He wanted to be with Nirei and Suo, but he promised himself he wouldn't go to them without fixing this. "Can I at least take you to my place? You'll get sick if you stay in these clothes. And I swear, I'll tell you everything." Sakura just nodded and let Momijikawa take him away from all the things that tired Sakura out.
The moment Sakura stepped foot inside of Momijikawa's place, he started shivering. He took his hat off and let it fall to the floor as he wrapped his arms around himself. Momijikawa told him to take off his clothes and quickly went to bring new ones for Sakura. Sakura stared at where Momijikawa had been, his head thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. All Sakura wanted to do at this point, was wrapping himself in his bed and sleep his problems away. He really wished his company could've fixed this without expecting anything from Sakura other than laying low. This was too much for him.
When Momijikawa came back with the new clothes, Sakura didn't move an inch. He kept staring at the spot Momijikawa was standing, while Momijikawa talked about how he was going to get sick if he didn't take his clothes off. Sakura lifted his head to look at him, really look at him, now that they were away from public eye. His hair was longer than usual, his features more definite now that he was older. But his eyes, his eyes still kept their warmth whenever he looked at Sakura.
Sakura wanted to start sobbing then and there, but he kept his tears at bay as he met Momijikawa's eyes. A shocked expression washed over Momijikawa's face upon seeing Sakura's teary eyes. He hurriedly dropped the clothes in his hand to a nearby table and got closer to Sakura, hands hovering around him but not having the courage to hold him. Sakura sniffled quietly.
"Why?" he asked, even though he wasn't expecting an answer. Momijikawa stared at him questioningly. Sakura huffed. "Why didn't you—" Before Sakura could finish his question Momijikawa's arms came around him and pulled him to his chest. Sakura was a little bit grateful for it because he didn't know what he was going to ask. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you answer my calls? Why didn't you reach out to me all these years and show up now? But he knew all of those were useless to ask now. Knowing the answers wasn't going to change the fact that Momijikawa had left him alone without looking back.
"I'll tell you everything," Momijikawa whispered, his breath tickling Sakura's hair. "Even the things you don't want to know. But first, you need to change your clothes. And maybe stand under a hot water, if you want," Momijikawa grabbed his shoulders and pulled him away, staring into Sakura's eyes. "I swear on my family that I'll be here when you come out. I promise." Sakura nodded. His promises didn't mean anything to Sakura anymore. He couldn't care less even if he wasn't going to be here when he came out. Sakura grabbed the clothes Momijikawa dropped and left to get changed, leaving Momijikawa behind.
When Sakura came out, Momijikawa was sitting on the couch, fiddling with his fingers. Sakura was honestly surprised seeing him there. He really thought Momijikawa would go out again, he was an up and coming star after all. Sakura quietly sat on the other side of the couch, much to Momijikawa's disappointment. Momijikawa took a deep breath and turned to Sakura, ready to spill everything. Sakura put up his hand to stop him from talking. He wasn't here for a reconciliation.
"Before that. Can we handle the actual issue? It was the only reason I reached out to you, after all." Momijikawa's expression fell as he nodded his head. "Once again, I apologize. It was something between us but I let my anger take control of me and put you under fire without meaning to. But still, I need your help. Not for myself, but for my group. I don't care what happens between us, I just need to protect and save my group and my teammates."
"You mean, when you called me a hypocrite and a bastard for not keeping my promises but preaching about friendships and relationships?" Sakura physically recoiled when Momijikawa talked. He shut his eyes and nodded. It was really stupid of Sakura to do something like that, and let the whole world witness it. "I don't blame you for any of it, Haru—Sakura." Sakura turned to look at Momijikawa. The guy in front of him looked different from Sakura's best friend but also looked the exact same whenever their eyes met.
"Then… Can you help me?" Sakura asked, hopeful. He was praying that it would work and people would stop dragging his group down.
"I will," Momijikawa nodded. Sakura felt the stress left his whole body. He let himself melt against the couch. "On one condition." Momijikawa added, and Sakura felt his blood sugar spike. He immediately got up and reached for his still wet clothes.
"What did I expect from someone like you." Sakura spatted, shrugging Momijikawa's hand reaching for his arm.
"Wait, wait, listen to me. Please. Haruka!" Momijikawa stepped in front of Sakura to stop him from leaving. Sakura glared at him, not backing down. Momijikawa put his hands up, not touching Sakura, but also not letting him slip away. "I will help you. I will. I just want you to hear me out. Please? I'm begging."
"What will I gain from hearing you out?" Sakura asked, still glaring at Momijikawa. He did say Momijikawa was a bastard in his anger, but he didn't know he actually became one. Taking advantage of Sakura's helpless situation and forcing him to listen to his story.
"Your best friend?" Momijikawa tried. Sakura kept glaring at him. The audacity of this boy. "Okay, wrong thing. I'm sorry. But I want my best friend back. So please. Hear me out. Please."
Sakura scoffed and turned back to sit on the couch, leaving his clothes where he got them from on his way there. Momijikawa quickly followed him and sat close to Sakura. There was still some gap between them and Sakura was grateful to it. Breathing in Momijikawa's scent from his clothes was enough, he didn't need to felt his body's warmth on top of it. He didn't trust himself enough to not melt and forgive Momijikawa on the spot if it happened.
"Thank you!" Momijikawa said, reaching out to hold Sakura's hands. Sakura allowed himself a few seconds of his warmth before pulling his hands back. Momijikawa's smile faltered but he didn't let it affect him and pulled himself together quickly.
"Okay," he started slowly. Sakura stayed quiet and waited for him to continue. "I know, what I did was fucked up. I know, I shouldn't have left you like that. I know, I should've reached out at one point but I didn't. And I'm sorry. I really am. I'll do whatever it takes to go back to how it was before. But Haruka," he took a deep breath and looked into Sakura's eyes. The seriousness he saw in them made Sakura flinch. "I don't regret any of it. If I could go back I'd do it all over again." Sakura felt like he had been slapped. Here he was, hoping Momijikawa would have a reason that would make Sakura soften, but he was talking about not regretting leaving Sakura behind and not keeping their promises.
"How can you say that..?" Sakura asked between his clenched teeth. He was trying so hard to stay calm right now. To not flip out and interrupt Momijikawa with assumptions. But the boy across him was making it so hard.
"Look at your life, Haruka," Momijikawa said, his voice still serious but laced with softness. "You have an amazing group, amazing teammates. And you're really popular. You don't know how many times I heard people talk about you wherever I went. I didn't want to stop you from achieving this. From achieving your dream. You didn't need to carry my burden, and toughen the road that was already tough. So yes, I left you. Yes, I didn't reach out. Yes, I broke my promise. But I did all of that so that you could have the life you always dreamed of. And that's why I don't regret anything, and that's why I'd do it all over again."
Sakura caught the stray tear dropping from his face as a wet chuckle left his throat. Sakura didn't know what to think. He always thought him and Momijikawa knew each other so well, that they would always complete each other whenever they were. Meanwhile Momijikawa didn't even know what his dream really was. "My dream?" He asked, his voice thick with holding his tears back. "Did you really think debuting was my dream? After all the time we spent together, did you really believe I'd give up everything, I'd give up our friendship for debuting?" Momijikawa looked at him with wide eyes. The weight of what he had actually done dawning on him.
"My dream was you," Sakura said, letting his tears fall freely. Momijikawa froze in his spot. "My dream was debuting with you. I never wanted to debut without you. I never wanted to be in a group without you. I never wanted to be without you," A sob ripped from his throat. Sakura took a few seconds before calming himself and looking back at Momijikawa. There were tears in his eyes. Good. He also should suffer as much as Sakura did. "You knew I loved you. I know you did. And I know you loved me. I know we had a silent agreement of waiting until after debut to confess to each other and take our relationship a step further. But you went and threw it all away. And for what? For my dream?" Sakura laughed, though there was no joy in his voice. "None of my dreams were without you. You had no right to decide my dream for me. You had no right to take yourself away from my dreams."
Sakura let the silence stretch between them, allowing his words to hurt Momijikawa and get him to see the actual damage of his disappearance. Momijikawa took a few minutes to register Sakura's words and what they actually meant for them, for him. In the end he couldn't do anything other than bowing his head in defeat. Sakura silently watched him, his tears still running down from his face.
"I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry." Momijikawa said. His voice was shaking and Sakura could see the tear drops falling into the carpet.
It took them both a while to calm themselves and dry their tears. They stared at each other silently for a few seconds before bursting into laughter because of the awkwardness between them. Sakura thought it made sense. They didn't talk for three whole years and when they finally did they spent the last half hour of it silently crying. Sakura noticed Momijikawa closing the gap between them on the couch and putting his head on Sakura's shoulder with slight difficulty because of the height difference between them. It still warmed Sakura's heart that Momijikawa didn't give up on getting closer to Sakura because of it.
"Now what?" Momijikawa asked, watching their reflection from TV's black screen.
"Now you work." Sakura said, sliding his hand between Momijikawa's hands.
"Work? For what?"
"To gain my trust back. I still love you, Momijikawa. I never stopped. But I can't go back to how everything was that easily. We can go back to being friends, we can even be boyfriends, but first you need to make me trust you again."
Momijikawa's head snapped up. He looked at Sakura with wonder in his eyes. "We can be boyfriends?"
Sakura couldn't help but chuckle. "That's all you got from what I just said?"
"Oh no, I heard every word loud and clear. I love you, too. And I'll do everything to gain your trust back. Can we be boyfriends?"
"Before that," Sakura started. Momijikawa's face fell, thinking he was gonna get rejected. "There are two things you need to do. First, help me clean up my mess by replying to the post. Second, you still didn't tell why you had to leave. I get that you didn't tell me anything or reached out to me because you thought you were doing me a favor. But what happened? You were so close to debuting. Everyone fell in love with you on that survival show. Why would you leave it all behind?" Momijikawa straightened and Sakura watched as his eyes became sorrowful. He tightened his hold on Momijikawa's hand, offering a silent support.
"My grandfather, he- he died. Suicide. Someone tricked him into giving the shop away and he couldn't live with the guilt. I just wanted to be there for my family as soon as I could. That's why I left without saying anything. Then a few months after him, my grandmother got sick and the medications didn't help. A year after she fell sick, we lost her too. And last year, just when I was about to come back, my dad got into a work accident. He's okay now, thankfully, but it gave us quite a scare. And I couldn't left my mother alone after everything. So I stayed until my dad got better," Momijikawa looked into Sakura's eyes. "Do you understand now, why I didn't answer your calls or texts? I couldn't burden you with everything going on in my life. Not when you had higher chance than me to debut in a good group."
"You should've," Sakura said, grabbing Momijikawa's face and pulling him closer. "We were supposed to be best friends, we were supposed to be there for each other through everything. Doesn't matter what's going on in our personal or professional lives. I hate that you went through all of that alone."
"Don't," Momijikawa said and pressed his forehead against Sakura's. "I wanted it. I wanted you to live a peaceful life. Well, as peaceful as an idol's life can be."
"I swear, if you do something like this again—"
"Never." Momijikawa cut him off. "I'm gonna hang onto you like a leach from now on. You won't be able to get rid of me."
"I'll hold you to it," Sakura said with a smile on his face and placed a kiss on corner of Momijikawa's lips. He got up as Momijikawa stayed glued to the couch, eyes comically wide. "Now get to work and help me clean up my mess! If we wait any longer I'm afraid Yuki-san is going to find a way and break the door down."
"Where are you going?!" Momijikawa asked, shaking the initial shock of Sakura's kiss.
"To get one of your hoodies."
"So my shirt wasn't enough?" Momijikawa got up and followed Sakura as he walked towards the room.
"Nope. Need more of your scent."
"You know you could just ask me to hug you, right?"
"I do," Sakura shrugged. "But I don't want to until you work a little."
Momijikawa scoffed. "Fine! I'll work to the bone then you'll have nothing left of me!"
"Dramatic, aren't you?" Sakura muttered as he pulled the hoodie over his head. Sakura honestly didn't know if he was doing the right thing by falling back into this rhythm from the past. Even though he was still pissed that Momijikawa decided on his own about Sakura's life, he couldn't be as angry after hearing everything he went through. And he didn't lie when he said Momijikawa needed to work to gain Sakura's trust back. He wished to act like what happened hadn't hurt their relationship but it did, and Momijikawa needed to be aware of that so that he wouldn't do something like it again. Sakura was still hurt, and he was still angry but he was also feeling whole again after three painful years. If this was something they could put behind then Sakura was willing to work for it. And he knew Momijikawa was too.
Sakura pulled his phone out after realizing that notifications weren't stopping. He burst out laughing when he saw Momijikawa's post, accompanied by his photograph taken just now, walking around in Momijikawa's room, in clothes obviously too big for him. Momijikawa had written that he knew he was a hypocrite and a bastard, and that was why the owner of the post had spent the whole day in his apart, using everything in sight like it was his own. Sakura hoped this would be enough to keep the haters off of his group's back, to keep Nirei and Suo safe. Sakura locked his phone and put it back into his pocket. He decided he could give Momijikawa a little prize after he saved Sakura's sorry ass.