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The cold water shocked Ben to the core. His muscles sore from the sudden impact. His eyes struggled to stay open as he noticed the surface of the water slowly moving away.
The sudden adrenaline coursing through his veins felt almost useless as he willingly let the water enclose him in darkeness. Almost as useless as his efforts to stay alive. Probably even more useless than him.
His lungs clawed for oxygen, thirsting for something they might never get again. Every single second felt like nothing but pure agony for Ben. His instincts screamed at him to swim up to the surface, to survive, to breathe in that fresh air, to feel the sun beam against his skin, but he felt so tired.
Tired of everything. Of being different from every boy. Tired of his heart being broken over and over again. Tired of pushing people away. Every day he lived hurt more and more. And now it hurt even more now that Ricky was gone.
Oh Ricky… sweet charming Ricky. A wave of peace washed over Ben. All of his bitterness and sadness melting away like snow in early spring. Blossoms of love and happiness seem to bloom in his heart.
His lungs no longer sharpened with agony and the long cuts on his arms no longer burned with pain. The darkness around him felt warm and soft, like a kiss on the forehead and being tucked in.
Memories of his childhood floated around his thoughts. Everything was so innocent and precious back then. He yearned to once more sit in the shade, eating ice-cream with Donna and Stuart.
Oh how everything went south so quickly. How violent and empty he became, hurting and ruining everything around him. It felt almost humorous that he once thought all of that would go away now that Ricky was there for him.
But then he remembered how Ricky walked away. Ben didn’t blame him, people like them didn’t belong in society and they weren’t normal. Ben accepted that fact. And finally he wouldn’t be a burden to Ricky. A burden to everyone.
A new vision came to Ben, or was it a memory? Amber sunlight leaked in through the window. Ben fluttered open his eyes and nuzzled closer to Ricky. On his lap laid a small kid. The kid looked nothing like Ben or Ricky. Different hair, different eyes, different facial structure, yet Ben knew this kid was infact his son or daughter. And he loved his child more than anything in this world.
He breathed in the sent of old books and remembered how Ricky worked at the library down town. He smiled warmly and Ricky pressed a small kiss against his cheek. He wanted to be with Ricky forever and ever, and watch each other grow old over time.
Ben remembered taking his child to his job. Watching as their eyes widen in awe as they gazed up at the massive portraits on the wall. Ben worked at an art museum, submitting his own pieces and sorting through all paintings. working at the creativity center where he would help people learn how to draw. Ben remembered how much he loved that job.
He watched as his child soon fell inlove as well and brought over there kids for the holidays. Ben remembered telling stories to his granddaughter and grandson, telling them all about his life and job. And Ricky would tell his own stories as well.
bright colorful lights twinkled on the evergreen covered in paper crafted ornaments. Ben and Ricky waltzed around their living room listening to Elvis just like how they used to in their youth. Ben gazed at Ricky’s face, acknowledging the small wrinkles that started to crease around his eyes.
Ricky pulled back ever so slightly. “Oh no, looks like theres a mistletoe above us.” He spoke with fake shock.
“You don’t need a plant as an excuse to kiss me, babe.” Ben giggled, leaning in to touch noses with his lover.
“Oh please, im just trying to be more christmasy! You’re such a grinch!” Ricky teased and leaned in closer to Ben. Ben raised his slightly wrinkled hand to cup Ricky’s face.
Their lips met in a warm embrace. Ben’s arms wrapped around Ricky’s neck as he deepened the kiss.
The record player stopped playing Elvis. The sudden silence made Ben and Ricky part from their kiss. Ben walked over and moved the tonearm back to the beginning of the record. He turned around to face Ricky, his body was leaned against the table with the record player on it.
Ricky walked over and placed his hands on either side of ben, pinning him against the table. Ricky’s eyes lidded slightly as he nuzzled his nose against Ben’s.
Ben giggled once again and placed a few stray kisses above Ricky’s lip. Ricky giggled as well and met Ben’s kisses.
His memory faded away as a shadow crossed over him and bright blue and red lights flashed up on the faraway bridge. Ben realized how unrealistic these so called ‘memories’ were.
But knew deep down in his heart that these memories were real and not just figments of his imagination. That Ricky never did leave Ben. And that him and Ricky had a life together. That they started a family.
As Ben watched the last bit of air leave his lungs and float to the surface. The last bit of light finally disappeared. And in Ben’s last moment, he felt only pure love and warmth.
“I’ll always love you Ricky.”