Chapter Text
Two years later, after training and parties and friendships and ups and downs and insides and outs, Ochako still dreamed of it.
The girl who had given everything she could to Ochako was lying dead once more. And though in reality, she’d watched it unfold through teary eyes and in an exhaustive haze that didn't allow her to see any details, her dreams granted her the gift of seeing it with more of an eye for specifics than a mantis shrimp who could spot a sewing needle in a pile of straw. She could not blink or close her eyes or even look away as Himiko Toga’s breathing began to grow slower and slower, her heart began to beat less frequently, and the light in her eyes disappeared in a way that didn’t seem possible until you watched it happened
She could feel the tears on her cheeks, burning her eyes and making the grass stick to her wet face. But this time, they did not cloud her view.
It had been so long since Toga had died.
Long enough that there were gaps in Ochako’s memory. Moments of the day that she could not recall, or that her brain had blocked out in an attempt to cope.
But one thing was clear. Awfully, truly, painfully clear.
Himiko Toga was dead. Gone, passed, deceased, departed.
Forever and ever and always.
Ochako choked on her own dry throat as she woke, thankful she hadn’t hit her head when she sat upright. She lay back down, slowly so as not to make herself dizzy, and turned her head to check the clock.
4:03AM
She sighed. She could feel the fatigue weighting at her bones, but her eyes were wide open and her heart was pumping a million miles a minute. She couldn’t see herself falling back asleep any time soon. Besides, she’d have to wake right back up at 6. Considering the minimum of thirty minutes it would take her to sleep again, she’d get less than two hours of sleep. Worth it for a nap, perhaps, but not for a night when her heart was about to break free of her rib cage and she was still gasping for breath.
Groaning with annoyance, Ochako dragged herself out of bed and onto the hardwood floor. She lay there for a moment, questioning herself, before grabbing hold of her bed frame and shuffling towards her dresser.
She turned on the lamp sitting on top of it, squinting as the light filled her unadjusted eyes.
The mirror above her dresser laughed at her tired form when she peered into it. Two half-closed brown eyes. A tangled mess of brown hair. An expression that said: “don’t talk to me, I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
She forced a smile on her lips. Now her face said: “I’m approachable! Free hugs!”. She quite preferred looking like that.
Ochako’s dresser drawer creaked as she pried it open. She sorted through her small inventory of clothing until she found a pink hoodie with darker pink hearts on the shoulders. She liked to be on theme, and seeing as it was Valentine’s Day the article was perfect.
After finding her regular school uniform as well as a pair of black leggings to help protect her from the biting February cold, she pulled her short pink nightdress off and changed into her new outfit. She’d have to take the hoodie off for class, but that didn’t matter for a couple of hours. It made her feel cute for the time being, and that’s what mattered to her.
She tried to be as quiet as possible while exiting the building. Many of her friends woke up as early as 5am to be able to complete work out routines or study, but no one was ever up as early as Ochako today. Leaving her room and going down the stairs was a success, but she found an obstacle when she entered the common room.
A single light was on, illuminating a figure sitting on the sofa, back hunched and leaning over to reach something in the coffee table. They hummed softly, and their back was turned away from Ochako, who hoped that would allow her to pass through undetected.
She began to step lightly across the floor, not going so far as to tip toe but keeping her footsteps as muffled as possible. It wasn’t enough, though, as the other turned around to face her.
”’Chako?”
A sigh of relief escaped Ochako when she saw Midoriya’s dark green curls. She would have preferred to run into no one, but her best friend was perhaps the best possible person to catch her like this.
”What are you doing up at this hour?” He asked, shifting slightly in a way that suggested he was hiding something from her.
”I could ask you the same thing.” Ochako took a couple steps closer, trying to peer over his shoulder to see what was lying on the coffee table behind him.
”Are you alright?” He asked, completely ignoring her question. “Are you going somewhere?”
She sighed. “I can’t sleep again. I’m going for a walk.”
”Nightmares?” He almost didn’t have to ask. Ochako was sure he already knew the answer. She’d told him about her dreams of Himiko when she realized they weren’t going away, and when he wouldn’t stop questioning her on why she looked so exhausted all the time.
Ochako bit the inside of her cheek and gave a small nod.
”Alright. It’s cold, though. Are you sure you want to go out right now?” A younger Midoriya might have stopped her from going, telling her not to leave past curfew. This older Midoriya only warned her against the cold. Two years and a war had changed him. Not much, but changed nonetheless.
”I’ll be fine.” She reassured him. “I’ll only be gone a little while.” She paused for a moment, then took another step closer. “What are you doing up so early?”
”N-nothing.” He leaned a little farther to the left, still covering whatever was behind him.
”Oh, please. We both know you’re a horrible liar. Just tell me. You know I’d never judge you.”
”Fine, it’s… a Valentine…. for… someone..”
She felt a little bad for prying, seeing how nervous he was, but after what he’s just confessed to she was more curious than ever. A grin began to grow on her lips, and not a fake one like what she’d practiced in the mirror earlier. “For who? C’mon, tell me! Pretty please?”
”It doesn’t matter.” He said, panic racking his voice. “It’s no one.”
”Is it for someone or for no one? Because I think no one would be pretty sad if you sent her a Valentine that was meant for someone all along.”
”I told you, it doesn’t matter. God, you sound like Mina right now.”
Ochako ignored him but secretly took that as a compliment. ”Alright, fine, I’ll just have to guess. Are they in our class?”
Midoriya got a stupid look on his face.
”They are!” She whisper-yelled.
”No- I mean yes but- you’ll find out later, ok?” He whisper-yelled back.
That made her pause. He probably hadn’t meant for it to sound like that. He was probably just a nervous wreck right now.
”I didn’t mean it like that- I-I phrased that very wrong…” He took a deep breath. Then another. “It’s not you, ok? I realize how that might have sounded… sorry. You know I’m over that.”
Ochako nodded, relieved. “I know, and I am too. Sorry, I just…”
She was definitely over that. She wasn’t even quite sure if she’d ever really been in it at all. She hadn’t actually liked him, she just liked the idea of him. She liked liking him. But she’d really thought about it after the war, after… certain events… and found that she held no love for him that was not strictly platonic.
He’d discovered the same thing, as far as she thought. But sometimes she questioned if he was truly over her, when he acted strange and awkward around her. It made her uncomfortable, and he knew that.
”I just…” He continued. “I don’t want to tell you who it’s for yet, that’s all. I can promise it’s not you, though. I would never put you in a situation like that.”
”I know, thank you for that.”
They stood in awkward silence for a moment, before Ochako turned around to head out the door. Midoriya continued working on his mystery card.
The cold night air was both soothing and terrifying. It invoked a feeling of safety and calm at the same time as putting her on edge. Many things felt like this to her, things she enjoyed but scared her when she thought about them too much.
Despite it being the middle of the night, the streets were almost as bright as they were during the day. Streetlights buzzed softly and illuminated the pathway, but the majority of the brightness came from the lights of buildings. The U.A. campus buildings only had a few lights on, but the surrounding city was still visible from where Ochako stood.
One thing she loved about living in a dorm was the midnight strolls. She’d never felt safe enough to go on a walk in the dark near her old home, but U.A grounds were protected 24/7.
As she walked across the sidewalk, clacking her shoes on the pavement and being carful to avoid stepping on cracks for the sake of fun and distraction, her mind raced slower and the adrenaline her nightmare had brought began to fade. But a quiet mind invited loud thoughts. Her peace allowed her to hear the thoughts she’d buried underneath layers of panic.
The thought that came to mind was like a train wreck that she’d managed to look away from. Now someone was whispering in her ear: “it’s fine now, the wreck is cleared, you should look” and she could still hear workers clearing it away and sirens screaming and it hadn’t been nearly long enough for it to be gone but she still wanted to look.
But she couldn’t look so she settled for simply listening to the person whispering in her ear, the one telling her lies. The one that was now telling her: “Himiko Toga is dead because of you. She died for you, because she loved you and she thought you loved her too but you lied so she died believing a lie that you told her. And it was all avoidable.”
Midoriya would tell her that this wasn’t true. He would tell Ochako that she was making it up so she would have something to blame, even if that thing was herself.
Ochako might have believed this, if it were true. But she didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t anymore. She couldn’t remember which details of Toga’s last moments had really happened and which were just in Ochako’s dreams. She didn’t know if there was anything she could have done to save Toga, but there very well might have been and whatever it was she hadn’t done it.
And she felt bad for feeling bad but she didn’t really know what she was feeling bad about in the first place.
She’d lied to Toga, yes, but what was wrong with lying to a villian? Not just a villian, but a murderer, who’d tried not only to kill many of Ochako’s friends but Ochako herself.
It felt to her like yelling at a dog who’d just bit her arm off. She wouldn’t feel bad for the dog, she’d feel bad for her arm. But she found that rather than calling an ambulance on herself, she stayed there with the dog even as it growled and snapped in her face.
The worst part was, she didn’t know how to leave.
Fuck.
Ochako’s midnight walk was not going to plan. She found her heart racing again and her breath growing strained. Her panic hadn’t been calmed, but amplified.
She tried to force breaths through her lips, one after another, hoping to slow her heart. A black static was beginning to form around the edges of her vision, and it grew hard for her to tell if she was just dizzy or actually spinning in her heels.
She felt like a bobblehead figurine, swaying in circles in the freezing night. Her breath caught in her throat, making her cough. And in that moment she realized how deranged she must have looked.
Standing under a streetlight, hair a mess, hacking into her sleeve. If Ochako had come across someone looking like that she’d have walked the other way. She’d think they were feral or something.
The streetlight buzzed louder, blinked twice, then went out. Now she was rabid and in the dark and alone. Mostly just alone.
She decided the best course of action was probably to go back to her dorm, maybe get some sleep because her plan to wake herself up a bit had a failed, and make it look like she had not just been having a panic attack on the side of the road before class started. She just hoped Midoriya had cleaned up his late-night valentines craft and was no longer in the common room.
She blinked, tooka another breath, then turned around to walk back to the dorms. Her attention was quickly moved away from heading back, though, as she nearly stepped on a small pink heart lying on the sidewalk. It was paper, as Ochako learned when she picked it up, and it was almost the exact shade of pink as her hoodie, with a red border cut to resemble lace. It seemed to be a card, with two identical heart papers stapled together into one, like some kind of art project given to a second grade class along with a broken lollipop and a pencil.
Ochako thought nothing of it, other than how thankful she was for a distraction from her panic, but instead of laying back on the ground for whoever lost it there to probably never find it, her curiosity got the best of her and she opened it to read the note inside.
For a moment, she thought she was still dreaming. Or that waking up so early had taken more of a toll on her than she thought. When she opened the card, before she even read the note, she saw that it was addressed to “Ochako.”
Ochako,
Will you be my Valentine for ever and ever and ever?
That was it. Who ever had written it had not signed their work. Each “i” was dotted with a little heart, as well as the dot in the question mark. There were also hearts surrounding her name, in red, white, and pink. The “y”’s all had curlicues connecting them to the other letters.
She decided not to put it back on the ground, and instead to slip it into the pocket of her hoodie. The only conclusion she could come to was that someone from U.A had written it for her and then lost it on their way home or to school. The thought brought her both a sense of joy and fear. It was nice to know that somebody liked her, but she wasn’t sure she wanted somebody to like her.
She had to remind herself to continue breathing as she continued back to the dorms. Deep breaths, deep breaths. Her mind felt like a dam, it wasn’t breaking anymore, but it just had. All her thoughts and worries and fears had just flooded out in one huge rush. The dam was repaired now, no longer at risk of snapping, but all that floodwater that had rushed out had slid its way back behind the dam, still there, still waiting. And it would break again, and repair again, but the floodwater would always find a way back.
Midoriya was no longer in the common room when Ochako got back. The silence was so loud. With nobody talking and no lights buzzing she could hear every other little detail. The hum of the refrigerator, the thunk of the ice maker, even her own breathing seemed louder. Ochako could barely keep her eyes open as she walked up the stairs, holding on tight to the railing and leaning almost fully backwards as she pulled herself up one stair at a time.
Walking through the hall and opening her door seemed fake. It felt like another dream, or like she was watching herself do the tasks without experiencing them. She didn’t remember collapsing into her bed, even while she was doing it, but she could sense the buzzing in her head growing quieter and quieter as she drifted off.
Her alarm clock screamed at her sometime in the night but Ochako wasn’t conscious enough to turn it off so she brushed it off as being a figment of her imagination and continued sleeping.
Something banged on her door a bit later, but once again her exhaustion let her believe it wasn’t real.
A couple garbled noises almost right after the knocking. This made her so annoyed she almost got up to make sure it wasn’t something that she could make shut up. But then it went away.
The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes with the ability to process information was her clock blinking the numbers 11:23 at her. She wondered if she was still asleep. Or too tired to read. Class started hours ago. She’d slept through hours of the day and hadn't even noticed. She wondered if her alarm had failed her, as she had no memories of ignoring it.
For a moment she just lay there, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if it was really worth it to go to class. She was beginning to lean towards staying in her dorm all day and wallowing, when her phone screen lit up with a text. She grabbed it off her nightstand, opening to her lock screen and seeing that she had twelve new messages.
Deku
Uraraka are you ok??
Deku
I’m so serious, are you ok?
Mina
U good?
Tsu
Are you alright? Midoriya’s freaking out..
Deku
Please answer meee
Deku
Was it a bad idea to let you go on that walk last night?
Deku
Ok now I’m worried. Please tell me your alright.
Deku
I knocked on your door but you didn’t answer
And the most recent of the texts:
Deku
Heyy you ok???
Ochako stared at the massages and sighed. Poor Midoriya had probably been freaking out the whole day because of her.
Ochako
I’m fine
Ochako
Sorry, I just woke up
Then to Mina:
Ochako
Yeah I’m fine, just woke up rlly late
She didn’t say anything to Tsu. She’d hear it soon enough when Midoriya inevitably announced to the whole school that she wasn’t dead. Speaking of Midoriya, his response came almost the moment Ochako hit send.
Deku
I’m at lunch rn. Call me?
She didn’t answer, just accepted his call. She was met with Midoriya worried babbling and a lunchroom full of background noise that was making it hard to hear anything.
“Oh thank goodness you’re alright. You scared me!” He said in a hushed voice, as if he was trying to keep their conversation private even in the noisy cafeteria.
“Yeah. I’m sorry I worried you. I slept through my alarm somehow.” As she spoke to him, she could hear the tiredness in her own voice.
The background noise began to grow softer and Ochako wondered if he was going somewhere a bit quieter. “I knew it wasn’t a good idea to let you go on that walk?” A pause. “Did it help, though? Do you feel any better?”
“Not really.” She answered bluntly. “But I didn’t have any more dreams last night so that’s a win.” She wouldn’t lie by telling him she was doing better when she wasn’t, but she wasn’t fully ready to talk about it either.
Luckily, he didn’t ask. He told her something about the class work she’d missed, they chatted for a bit, then his lunch was over and they ended the call. Ochako’s conversation with him had somewhat convinced her to go to class even after missing the morning.
She set her phone back on her nightstand and finally got out of bed. She was still in her school uniform and the pink hoodie that she’d put on the night before, but her hair was even messier than when she went to sleep so she grabbed a hairbrush and started fixing it. When her hair was done and it’s usual style plus a pink clip on her bangs, she looked around the room for a moment before realizing that she’d slept in her shoes as well as her uniform.
After washing her face and grabbing her school bag, she opened the door to her dorm and was about to step out when she noticed something beneath her feet. It was another card, with the same colors and patterns that were on the one she’d found the night before. Inside, the card read:
Ochako,
Be mine? Pretty pretty please?
Once again it wasn’t signed or marked in any way. She wondered why it was right in front of her door this time. If someone was leaving it for her on purpose, wouldn’t they have signed it? But what were the odds of a card being dropped right in front of the door of who it was addressed to.
The words were in the same swirly font as before, so Ochako could assume both cards were from the same person. That raised another question. Why would one person write her two cards and not sign either of them?
Ochako was too tired for this. She didn’t want to think about anything but getting to class and making it through the day, so she tossed the card into her room and left.
She practically ran down the sidewalk to get to school. She arrived in the middle of a class, out of breath and still tired.
Several quizzical looks were aimed in her direction and a few people throughout the day asked if she was doing alright. The rest of her day when’s by fine, though. She managed not to think about her dreams for the most part, and had completely forgotten about the cards. All of her hero classes were in the first half of the day, so Ochako only had to do regular class work for the day.
Midoriya came and found her when the school day was over. He asked if she wanted it walk back to the dorms with him, but she declined, making up an excuse about wanting to ask their teacher about the work that she’d missed. Really she just wanted to avoid talking about the night prior. Midoriya left after that, leaving Ochako standing alone in the courtyard.
She did end up deciding to ask about missing work. She wouldn’t have done it most days, but she was here anyway and she might as well. She took her bag with her and went back into the building, searching for her teachers. When she came to an door that was left slightly open, she paused, thinking she heard All Mights voice.
“…been two more cases just this week.” The words were muffled by the mostly closed door, but Ochako could still make out the words.
“It’s an oddly similar method to someone whom we know very well.” That was Mr. Aizawa’s voice.
“You don’t think-“ All Might was cut off as Ochako knocked on the door. “Come in!”
She pushed the door fully open and stepped inside. Suddenly she felt very small next to the two pro-hero’s. She also felt incredibly awkward after interrupting what seemed like a serious conversation or potential new case. “Hello.” She started. “I was just wondering if I missed anything important from this morning?” She winced. All of this could have been said in an email. Why hadn’t she just written an email?
“Oh, no, you hardly missed anything.” All Might reassured her. “Ask one of your friends if you really want to know, but it’s nothing important.”
“Now go away. The school day’s over.” Cut in Mr. Aizawa.
Ochako nodded, slipping back outside of the room and shutting the door behind her. It really was serious, then, whatever they were discussing. Otherwise they wouldn’t be so quick to send her away.
She continued speculating as she walked down the sisdewalk back to the dorms. She decided it was best not to worry about it, the pros probably had it under control. But a part of her, the part that was still a first year fighting in the war, wanted to know more. She wanted to be sure it wasn’t something else that could threaten the lives of all her friends.
Suddenly, something caught her eye. She stopped walking, her shoes scuffing on the sidewalk. She wouldn’t have given it a second thought at all of not for the night before or the morning. Buried halfway inside a bush was a small, pink, heart-shaped card with red ruffles.
Ochako plucked it out of the bush, opening it to find that once again it was addressed to her.
Ochako,
Please?
-yours truly
That was new. There was at least some form of a signature, even if it didn’t tell her anything whatsoever. And the note inside gave the impression that whoever was writing these knew that she’d read the others. Ochako had just assumed that the two before had been dropped before they could be signed, but the newest addition to her love letter collection made that seem impossible.
The other two could have easily been coincidental, someone could have wrote her a letter, lost it, wrote another, and lost that one too. But now… now it seemed much more complicated.
Ochako had been able to brush aside the others, but this one sent a chill down her spine. As much as she was tempted to just leave it in the bush where she’d found it, she slipped in in her bag so she could compare it to the others when she got back to her dorm.
She walked a little slower now, acutely aware of everything around her. The card had set her on edge and now every rustle of every leaf make her jump.
She practically screamed when someone grabbed her shoulder from behind, before realizing the person standing behind her didn’t look like he was trying to kidnap her but rather like he’d just seen a ghost.
“You’re a U.A. student, right?” He asked, his voice laced with fear.
Ochako nodded slowly.
“Thank goodness. I ran to the grounds as soon as I could, but you’re the first person I’ve seen.”
Ochako titled her head. “Sir, what are you talking about? Did you find a suspicious item or something?”
He nodded vigorously. “Yes, yes! Please! You have to come with me!” He began tugging on her arm, trying to get her to move.
“Sir,” She started again. “Can you please tell me exactly what you’ve witnessed?”
“You just have to see it! You really need to see it!” He began shaking his head and tugging on her arm with more force. “Please! There’s blood, so much blood!”
So definitely something that needed to be investigated by a pro hero, not a pre hero in training. “I really need to inform one of my teacher of this. I’m not the person you need.”
“Oh but you are! Please!” He yelled again. “Follow me! You need to see it!”
Ignoring all her instincts but the one that told her she wanted to get this interaction over with, she let the man lead her away. As long as they didn’t go off campus she couldn’t get kidnapped or murdered because no villian could get onto U.A. grounds. But then again not civilian could either. So there was another question: how did he get here in the first place?
Still, she was confident she could fight him off if he tried anything and her exhaustion was dulling all the senses telling to to run and not follow this man.
But what if someone was dying and Ochako could help them?
This was a really, really shitty idea. She stopped moving. “Sir. I’m going to need to get someone else.”
He began shaking his head. “No, no you don’t need to. We’re here, we’re right here.” He grabbed her arm again, tighter this time, and slung her around hard until she was facing the wall of an alleyway.
She turned around, ready to fight him and escape the situation, but he was gone. Completely gone. Not even a trace left behind. She stood there on high ale art for a while, prepared for when he emerged form his hiding spot and attacked her, but inherited never did.
Confused, she dropped her stance and looked back at the wall.
She gagged as soon as she saw it.
Body parts lay on the ground. Ochako could count two arms, one leg, three hands, and several dozen fingers. On the wall of the alley, there was a large heart drawn in blood. Inside the heart there was a message, also in blood.
Ochako
I miss you
Please be mine
yours truly,
Himiko Toga