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Why Is My Life A Soap Opera?

Summary:

Hibiki finds out that Yamato’s family was fucking insane.

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Hibiki wondered if this was how a mouse felt when caught in the claws of a playful cat. His smile was fixed and frozen, but his eyes were boring holes into the side of Yamato’s head. The Chief didn’t even acknowledge him, staring equally hard at the intruder to his office with a set jaw and a displeased expression. No answers were forthcoming from him.

Hibiki reluctantly directed his stare to the woman before him – the woman that looked eerily like a very busty, female Yamato. Her dress was formfitting to her perfect hourglass frame, with curvy hips and large breasts. The dress stopped just short of mid-thigh, leaving a peek of bare skin before her yellow… tight, boots (Hibiki didn’t understand female fashion anymore) swallowed up the rest of her legs. This was topped off with a JP’s military coat thrown over her shoulders, very much in the style of Fumi, and a blue and white ribbon tying up her long hair.

Yes… this was Yamato’s twin sister. A twin sister that his partner had not fit to tell him about even after FOUR YEARS of knowing one another, and being intimate for two of them.

Where the hell had she been hiding?!

“S-So, you’re the backup Chief, huh?” Hibiki said nervously. He wasn’t intimidated by her, even if she was giving him a very predatory look. It was creepy how much it resembled Yamato’s, because – okay! He admitted it! He was kind of turned on whenever Yamato gave him that look, but when it was his very hot sister giving it to him with Yamato’s face, his libido just got confused! “Funny how… how that never came up.”

He shot a sour look at Yamato, but he didn’t even seem to hear him. Hibiki wanted to shake him – if only because at this point, he was beginning to get worried at how he was imitating a statue.

“My existence is classified for the lower ranks,” Miyako answered. Her voice was flat and cold, her gaze unwavering. Hibiki fidgeted, “However, it was decided after learning of your position that you should be informed.”

“Um. Cool,” Hibiki said slowly. He didn’t like how Miyako said ‘position’. She said it slowly, her gaze dropping to look him up and down with a dissatisfied expression. Did she think Hibiki wasn’t worthy of it? Was she an even bigger hard ass than Yamato? Did somebody like that even exist?

There was an awkward pause. Miyako stared at Hibiki, and Hibiki stared at Yamato, and Yamato stared at Miyako. It was like some bizarre Mexican Stand Off, and no one seemed willing to break it. Until…

“Miyako,” Yamato’s voice was curt, “Hibiki and I are rather busy at the moment, so I would appreciate it if you would leave and return at a more convenient time-”

“Whoa, hold on,” Hibiki interrupted, waving a hand about to catch Yamato’s attention. His partner finally turned to look at him, and his gaze was furious. It almost took Hibiki aback, but he ploughed on, because there was something going on here, something important, and Hibiki didn’t like being shafted to the side about it!

“Hold on,” he repeated, “What’s going on? Why didn’t you tell me you had a sister?”

“Yes,” Miyako abruptly spoke up. Her voice was frozen, and her expression even more so. “I, too, would like to know why we didn’t learn of your lover’s existence until recently.”

Yamato looked disgusted by her words; “Please don’t refer to him as that.”

“What would you prefer?” Miyako’s tone became slightly mocking –the first sign of emotion Hibiki had seen from the woman, “Boy toy?”

Hibiki bristled a little, not liking her tone, and Yamato seemed to dislike it even more. The Chief rose up from his seat, sharply, like a snake rearing up ready to strike, and prowled from around the desk with a displeased expression. Hibiki followed immediately, even though he was unnerved by how Miyako’s gaze kept snagging on him. Why did she keep staring at him like that…?

“Partner,” Yamato said coldly, standing before Miyako, his shoulders squared and jaw tilted. Amazingly, his sister was the same height as him, and she matched his aggressive posture with a slight chin tilt of her own, her lips quirking into a cold smile.

“I see. Partner,” she amended. She lifted her hand up, and Hibiki saw Yamato twitch, as if expecting something painful, but she merely curled a lock of hair around her finger. “You’ve gotten quite soft, haven’t you?”

Yamato said nothing. Hibiki felt like he was involved in something a bit more serious than mere family drama, and shifted uncomfortably at his side.

“Your judgement’s beginning to get impaired, or so we fear,” Miyako continued after a tense pause, “This man is a distraction, and you don’t seem to care that it is impacting your productivity.”

“My productivity is fine,” Yamato said stiffly, “Besides, I have no need to answer to abackup.”

Miyako’s eyes narrowed into slits, fury clear in her expression, and Hibiki stared at Yamato in shock.

“Is that so?” she said softly. She took a step forwards. They were practically nose to nose at this point, but neither of them looked ready to back down. Hell, it looked like fists were going to start flying at any second. Especially when Yamato opened his mouth, probably to say something vicious –but Hibiki didn’t give him the chance.

“Okay!” Hibiki pushed between the both of them, shoving them away a few steps, his arms out-stretched. “Everyone cool your heads! We can’t have two super Hotsuins brawling in JP’s HQ! What if someone walks in?”

Yamato’s jaw clenched tight, but he looked away with a snort. Miyako was back to gazing at Hibiki contemplatively, but Hibiki met her stare evenly, refusing to back down. Something was going on here that Hibiki didn’t know, but like hell he was going to let family drama spill out into JP’s. Hibiki knew that Yamato’s family was fucked up to hell anyway. The little he told him practically screamed of a childhood full of neglect.

“Alright, I have no idea what’s going on here, but we’re gonna talk about it like adults, okay?” Hibiki said. He pointed to a chair, and said; “Sit” to Miyako like she was a dog, and turned to Yamato to do the same with the other chair.

Yamato obeyed almost instantly. Miyako stood and glared at him.

“You’re not sitting,” Hibiki said.

“Who are you to order me about?” Miyako asked coldly.

“Miyako,” Yamato snapped, already seated. “Just sit down.”

She did so, but not without shooting Hibiki a sharp stare. He felt several years of his lifespan vanish into a puff of air, but rolled with it, striding over to the desk and standing beside it, looking at Miyako, and then Yamato, to see if they were settled.

“Okay, let’s start from the top…” Hibiki said, “What did you mean by that ‘we’ business, Miyako?”

The backup Chief sniffed. “By ‘we’, I mean I carry the will of the Hotsuin family. The elders have been viewing your actions here at JP’s,” she directed this at Yamato, “And believe that you have compromised by this man. Wandering off for dates? Taking time off whenever he asks you to? Living with him? Leaping to his every command like a loyal dog?”

Her tone was disgusted. Hibiki shifted his weight awkwardly, but Yamato may as well have been carved from stone with how expressionless and still he was. He didn’t say a word.

“This was not what you were trained for,” Miyako continued in a soft whisper, “You’re acting like a civilian.”

“And how is that a problem?” Yamato said.

There was a long pause. Even Hibiki was staring at him in utter confusion at those words. Although Yamato had re-evaluated civilians to some degree, he still thought of them in the negative more often than not. For someone to call him a civilian and for him to not view it was an insult was… more than a little shocking.

“Are you trying to make a joke?” Miyako demanded, sitting up straight. “I could provide an entire list on why that is a problem. Hotsuin are to be without close bonds, to be focused entirely on their duty to Japan! Not… rolling under the sheets with a subordinate!”

There was a pause before Yamato asked; “Why are you angry about this?”

“Because this is a waste,” Miyako’s tone was filled with bitterness. “This position is wasted on you. Your heart’s no longer in your sworn duty, and it is woefully apparent in your work.”  

“Ah,” Yamato was enlightened. “So this is the angle you’re playing. I knew you had some sly scheme up your sleeve. However,” he leaned forwards on his desk, his lips curved into a cold, cruel smile, “You’ve probably realised at this point that the elders are standing on a foundation of sand. Even if they wanted to remove me for unsatisfactory quality, they’ll have to drag my cold, dead, corpse out of this seat first.”

Miyako’s hands clenched, but her face was still, eyes like flints of ice. “That,” she whispered, “Can be easily arranged.”

“Uh… are death threats common in this family…?” Hibiki asked uneasily, but he was soundly ignored.

“Really? Your last attempts to usurp me didn’t go so well,” Yamato’s tone took on a singsong edge, “Do you think victory is assured because the elders are supporting you? They’re just a bunch of incompetent fools that have grown obsolete with their inflexible ways. If anything, you’re weaker with them.”

He straightened up in his seat, his voice taking an authoritative edge; “JP’s is mine, and will remain so until my death. After that, it is yours.”

Miyako’s jaw worked, and Hibiki could almost hear her grinding her teeth. She paused suddenly though, and Hibiki almost jumped when her eyes glanced at him with that predatory look once more.

“Is that so?” she said lightly. “You give such a bold challenge when your weakness is right in front of me.”

Hibiki broke out into cold sweat at the implication, and he lifted his hands up, laughing nervously. “H-Hey, hey, I’m… not involved in this… weird creepy sexual tension crap you’ve got going here. I’m just an innocent bystander.”

“Hibiki, stop embarrassing yourself,” Yamato muttered, then said in a louder tone; “Is that to frighten me? Although he does not look much, Hibiki is more than a match for you. You’ll find yourself pleasantly surprised if you engage him in combat.”

“We’ll see,” Miyako said, and she rose up from her seat. She smiled at Hibiki, and, yeah, cat. Definitely a cat. Hibiki felt himself swallow thickly, smiling back weakly.

It seemed Hibiki’s nervous disposition pleased Miyako greatly, because she grinnedthen. That was frightening. Hibiki was going to die. Yamato’s crazy sister was going to kill him. Why didn’t Yamato warn him that he had a homicidal sister when he hooked up with him?! That’s kind of important to say to your soon to be partner!

“This is only the beginning, Yamato,” Miyako said, looking back at her brother. “There are other strengths that exist in this world, and I will show you how subtlety and ruthlessness is more befitting of that Chief position.”

“As a friend of mine would say,” Yamato said blithely, “Bring it.”

Miyako left not too long after that, and Hibiki turned on his partner, gripping the edge of the desk for support. “Is your family insane?!

“Now you know why I didn’t tell you,” Yamato said wearily, “I knew you would react like this.”

“React like- Yamato. Your sister just pulled an Inigo Montoya. She just said she was going to kill us. Can she even do that? Is this actually actively encouraged?!”

Yamato frowned. “Who’s Inig-”

Yamato!”

“Hibiki. Calm down,” Yamato sighed. “So long as you’re vigilant, you won’t be killed.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah, sure, duh,” Hibiki pressed his hands against his face, groaning in misery. “I knew you’d be the death of me.”

“It’ll be fine,” Yamato said soothingly, “If anything I will be the focus of her ire for the next few weeks. You will just have to avoid the occasional attempt – she’ll be wary in engaging you directly. I’m sure she’s aware of your abilities if she had been watching us for so long.”

“You’re fucking insane,” Hibiki said, dropping his hands. He seemed to have gotten over his initial panic about the situation, settling very firmly into ‘fuck it I’m dead, why worry’ territory. “Why the hell does she even want to kill you?”

“Not kill me, surpass me. She decided to translate that into killing so that there is no chance of me regaining my position if she ever succeeded,” Yamato replied, “It is a very wise move, admittedly. I would have done the same in her position.”

“Right. Yeah, of course,” Hibiki said faintly. “So why does she want, to surpass you? This is kind of well into fucked up sibling rivalry.”

“Only one person may be head of JP’s,” Yamato said. “She and I were both eligible for this position. I won. She was forced into the role of back up, but she may become Chief if she can surpass me in any way or fashion – or if I die. Assassinations within the family are not unheard of, although they’re dropping in frequency as the generations go by.”

“I see…” Hibiki didn’t, but, he felt a bit of sympathy to Miyako now. Back up – her existence hidden from all but Yamato and a few choice others. It was probably like living in a hole, with Yamato being the boulder blocking her route to the outside. No wonder she wanted to kill him to escape.

“She said that the Hotsuin family are unhappy with… us,” Hibiki said quietly, “Doesn’t that mean they can take JP’s from you and give it to her?”

“No. JP’s is mine,” Yamato said. “I wasn’t lying when I said they would have to step over my corpse first. They can’t match up to me, so they sent Miyako. However, she’s not stupid enough to face me directly. She was warning me of my precarious position – why, I’m not sure. Sportsmanship? It doesn’t change anything. I never listened to their meaningless rambling, so they can complain about our relationship all they want.”

Hibiki stared at him, his head spinning a little. This was an unpleasant look into Yamato’s mysterious path – and it explained quite a lot about why Yamato was Yamato. He knew he had a shitty childhood, but to encourage siblings to kill each other, and condemning them for doing something like getting a partner? What the hell…

“Your family’s fucked up,” Hibiki said, “And I think what they’re doing to Miyako is wrong. Why not flex that confident independence of yours and help her out?”

“Why? She can help herself,” Yamato said, “If she wants to escape under my shadow, she can either kill me, or join me as an officer. I certainly wouldn’t force her existence to be hidden if she accepted some humility.”

Hibiki opened his mouth – then decided to drop the issue. He couldn’t even begin to explain how that sort of mindset was wrong. Maybe when Miyako came to kill him, he could try to talk some sense into her. Why was his life a constant soap opera? Why.

“Urrrgh, whatever. I’m out,” Hibiki threw his hands up and started out of the office. “I’m out and I’m going to bemoan my misfortune of having a boyfriend with a psycho family to Otome.”

“Grab me a coffee on your way back,” Yamato called after him.

Hibiki ignored him and slammed the door shut behind him – only to pause and peek about him nervously. Right, he was going to have to get used to this. Watching out for hot assassins coming for his head…  

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