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As Looey woke up, he softly rubbed his eyelids as he began to get up for the morning as he had many activities planned with his trio, he always promises his two best friends Yatta And Blot to do some fun tricks for the kids that are probably waiting for him.
“How late is it?” Looey muttered to himself as he looked around to find his clock
“8:30, how great,” they scoffed as he went to look into their drawer to find a clean shirt, hopelessly searching for around 30 seconds max, before just completely giving up after realizing that he didnt do the laundry the day before.
“I guess ill wear the same one i did yesterday,” He was too tired after a gruesome day of children asking him how come he was so different from his cartoon counterpart
Great, that was so fun.
Before Looey managed to get on his shirt,
A few grease stains on it sure, but no one will notice
Not like they pay attention to me anyway
he slowly feels his hands across his scars, before quickly snapping themself back to reality
he struggled halfway before just giving up and staring at the mirror that was infront of him,
Looey slowly put his paw up to his face, and he wondered, whose in the mirror staring back at him?
This isnt the Looey the children of GardenView wants,
“Im supposed to be cheerful, caring, and confident.”
“Thats what they told me, thats whats set in stone for me”
Was it?
Was i supposed to be exactly what the cartoon wanted?
What am i thinking?
Looey quickly looked away from the mirror while putting his paws back on task.
As he finally wipes off of some loose hair off of their clothes, he rubs his eyes one more time before slowly walking to his door.
“Blot and Yatta should be near the cafeteria, it is still morning after all,” Looey muttered underneath his breath after passing by two familiar toons—
“HEY LOOEY!!!” Yatta yelled despite Looey being a arms length away from her, pulling Blot towards her as she continued to yell
“DONT!!! Walk away from us BEST FRIEND!!”
“Hahaha Yatta!.. you certainly gave me a fright there!” Looey nervously said before getting pulled into a tight hug by Yatta and Blot.
Getting squeezed always hurt Looey, something about him being a balloon animal has got to do with that right?
Even if the one whose hugging him is his friends
Thanks Delilah—
Yatta quickly snapped Looey back into reality as she exclaimed
“Looey!!! LOOEYY!! We have to practice our acts for the kids REMEMBER??
DONT tell me you forgot!!!”
Yatta then proceeded to hug Looey just a little bit more tighter.
“… Can you let go of me now? Hahaha…” Looey said in a exasperated tone as the hug was getting even tighter
“NOPE!!! YOURE STUCK HERE WITH ME!!!”
She grinned while saying.
For the next couple of hours Looey had to continuously work on his acts with his peers around him, its hard work but its what his friends want to do.
Looey cant let them down, he promised to do this with them anyway.
Even if it was their day off, GardenView is closed and isnt accepting any visitors for the time being
Even if its been closed for a while now
Delilah and Arthur are probably just busy.
But, Looey cant help but think about how hes been slacking off, nothing like his cartoon counterpart
Im not meant for this, am i?
My body is getting weaker with each routine done,
I cant go up there and perform, i cant let other people notice me.
Thats too much—
“HEY!!! LOOEY You look tired!!
Go take a break in the bathroom BUDDY!!!”
Yatta noticed how Looey looked paler than usual.
She looked down where Looey was sitting, she saw how the shirt Looey is wearing has the same stain from the day before, the same stain from when they were eating burgers and some grease fell down onto his shirt
“Hahaha Yatta im fine, I dont need a break!”
Looey rapidly responded before quickly getting up off of the floor and dusting himself off, the floor wasnt too clean but it sure was comfortable enough to sit on
“GO, TAKE, A, BREAK!!!”
Yatta exclaimed before grabbing Looey by his paws to drag him to the bathoom, she then proceeded to wait by the door expecting him to walk in and use it
Looey grabbed the door and decided to not fight back and accept the fact that Yatta was actually right, he was tired.
But Yatta shouldnt have had to worry about Looeys useless problems,
As Looey slowly opens the door into the bathroom open, he cant help but think
Yatta has it so good i dont understand why she wants to help me so badly,
I dont understand how she cares about me so much.
Why?
Looey sat down on the toliet with the seat down, proceeding to pull out something from their pocket
Something sharp
The blade looks so shiny, so sleek,
and oh so tempting.
A temporary pleasure, a temporary sensation.
He knew it all too well.
And? For a moment he considered it.
Considered giving in on his urges.
“i dont know what to do with myself anymore,
Hahahahaa .. itll all pass soon.
Ill be what everyone wanted!”
Looey giggled while finishing his sentence, hes just lying to himself isnt he?
Looey slowly started to pull the blade up, revealing its sharp edges
For a moment he thought
The scars ive given myself only makes things worse, when has it ever given something that isnt just temporary pleasure?
So no, not today.
Looeys decision was clear, he didnt want to harm himself, he didnt want to add more disgusting scars on his thighs, he didnt wanna add more stuff for his friends to worry about. He made too many promises to never do this again, yet those meant little to nothing to him.
After slowly admiring the blade for just a couple more seconds, Looey slowly put the blade down.
I mean, having a spare boxcutter is always useful!
You dont wanna know how many times Looey had found his boxcutter useful for things other than his skin.
“I . . didnt need to . . , what am i doing?”
Looey struggled to even finish his sentence, unsure of why hes even saying his sentences outloud, and its not like Yatta can even hear him from all the way outside the bathroom door.
“Tch . . She wouldnt even . . “
Looey trailed off, before deciding to put back his blade into his pockets before deciding to get up from the toliet, not actually having to use it.
He only went because Yatta wanted him to.
Slowly walking to the sink, making so sure that the water was as cold as it couldve gotten.
This’ll help me make sure im as bright as can be.
Looey splashes the water all over his face, making sure he got underneath his eyes.
It showed others how tired he was, showed them how many restless nights he’s been having these past few weeks.
Thinking kept him up at night, especially thinking about—
“LOOEY!!! Hurry UP”
Yatta proceeded to yell from outside the bathroom where she was waiting, impatiently tapping her foot as if she was in a cartoon.
“Ah! J-just a second Yatta!”
How much time did i waste thinking?
Didnt matter, Yatta told me to get out.
As Looey quickly finished splashing the water onto his face, he thought about Yatta,
Whats the matter with her? Why does she care about me and my health so much?
I dont understand how she can care so deeply about me, how did she notice that i was tired?
Looeys holding onto the doors handle for just a couple of seconds, then deciding to nervously open the door.
Yatta immediately noticed Looey and then she proceeded to say
“LOOEY!!! You look way BETTER!!! HORRAY!!!”
Better?
“Ahahaha! Yatta dont flatter me! You always look so good!”
Dont lie to me Yatta.
“SURE PAL!!! If we’re comparing eachother, your LEAGUES better than ME when we’re performing!!!”
Stop lying to my face, you arent the one that hopelessly wishes he was exactly what others wanted from him.
“Yatta . . Im gonna go.”
Looey proceeded to slowly back away from Yatta, then he started to run.
Not caring if the other toons in GardenView were watching looey sprint across the place, but all he can do is look back at Yatta, feeling bad that he left her with no warning.
He cant help but wonder if Yatta was still standing still, not following him.
His room was where he was going, the only safe place he knows of nowadays.
He doesnt want Yattas empty compliments, Yatta doesnt mean what she say, she never does. What am i thinking?
No one should even say anything positive about me, im useless.
“Wha— Looey?”
Yatta slowly blinked, watching Looey just . . abandon her while assumingely going to his own room,
Yatta put her hand on her chin, wondering what just happened.
Shes running millions of situations into her head, and every single situation is about what made Looey want to go back to his room.
After a few minutes of contemplating, she decided that she will go to Looeys room later, alone, Blot doesnt need to know about this.
it can just be between Looey and her.
She can just tell Blot she needs to do something so they can wrap this all up quickly, Looey seems down.
She needs to go to Looeys room and check up on his as soon as possible, this feels urgent.
Even if theres a possibility it isnt as big of a deal shes trying to make it out to be.
Yatta turned around and walked to blot, and said “Hey Blot? Can we quickly wrap this up? I remembered that i have to do something. So sorry!”
“!attaY seirrow on ?tahw hO”
Yatta was relieved that Blot understood and they both proceeded to clean things up, Blot couldnt help but notice Yatta seemed nervous and anxious.
After Looey finally arrived at his door, with his key in his hand he proceeds to slowly open it.
The creaking of his door reminded Looey that he needs to get that checked out, its so annoying.
Looey immediately went to lay down on his bed, its so soft and comfortable. Yet the bed was never made to his own suprise, he swore he made the sheets before grabbing his shirt this morning.
Looey saw his room as a disgusting mess, dirty laundry he promised to himself he would do last week but never did, the dirty dishes in the sink, the garbage can being disgustingly full.
And how come Looey forgot that?
The real Looey wouldnt have done that.
The real Looey wouldnt have ran away from his best friend like that.
The real Looey wouldnt lead a life like this.
As Looey was laying down on his bed, he proceeded to put his hand into his pocket searching for something
“Its gotta be here hahaha imagine if i lost it!”
Said Looey, seemingly talking to himself.
God knows what he was searching for, but it seemed important, like this item meant life or death for him, and? Maybe it did.
Its funny how quick he gave up looking for the item, its as if he was so tired that he just couldnt anymore.
Looey started to sit up slowly on his bed with the little energy he has left, and began to stare longingly at his paws, the paws that doesnt feel like his.
The room feels too quiet, too alone, and too large.
Looeys thoughts are getting louder, loud enough to where he cant stop them.
Im tired,
tired of trying to pretend that im someone im obviously not,
Im not the Looey that was seen in the cartoons
Looey just wanted everything to stop, he wanted everyone to notice how he tired he was one day, and maybe? That day will never arrive because he keeps acting like everything is fine when it isnt.
His paw seemed to start moving on his own, started to slowly inch to his pocket to god knows what,
it seemed like it knew where it was going to grab, maybe whatever he was desperately searching for a couple minutes ago.
Knock, knock.
He froze, the knock on the door heavily startled him, it stopped Looey dead in his tracks.
“Looey?”
Yatta?
He didnt answer the door, but he sat back down on his bed, careful to not make any sound whatsoever.
“Looey?” Yatta called again, seeming more desperate,
“Looey are you in there?”
Looey couldnt help but swallow,
Why was she waiting?
Why is she still at the door?
Why does she care about me?
“Im fine,” the words came out so naturally, its as if he said this a million times before.
And maybe it was
“You dont SOUND fine Looey..”
Yatta said from beyond the door, where she decided to start sitting, the floors cold but its okay, didnt matter.
All that mattered is Looey being okay or not.
A couple of minutes passed, Yatta still sat at the door waiting for Looey to say something, anything, and?
He finally did.
“Yatta? Why are you still at my door?”
Looey questioned her,
Why is she wasting her time on me?
Looey got up from his bed and sat on the floor against his door, almost parallel to Yatta,
Wonder if shes doing the same thing
Looey looked at where he sat, and looked at his paws.
He couldnt help but wonder,
Why did Yatta decided to come over to him?
Why she decide to wait this long?
Why does she care so much?
Looey thinks he doesnt deserve this type of treatment whatsoever, the real Looey didnt feel this way, he didnt cut himself when he was down.
The real Looey wouldnt think the blade is something to resort to when hes frustrated.
The real Looey wouldnt—
“Loo . .?
Are you feeling well?”
Am i?
“Its okay you dont have to say anything i understand you perfectly!”
Really? You do?
“Looey its fine to feel down on such random days, just please know im always there for you,
Please never forget that”
Im so sorry Yatta, you dont have to worry about me this much.
You have your own problems
“Im such a burden.. haha”
Looey couldnt help but mumble this to himself, he let out a small giggle towards the end of his sentence
“But, you arent.”
Yatta seemed to be stern in her words, she seemed to be so sure in what she just said.
She thinks so positively of Looey, and Looey knows. He knows how much Yatta cares about him.
Thats one of the main reasons why he loves her, thats why shes the only person who can see this side of Looey.
Looey knows they both love eachother equally, no matter what.
He knows that Yatta is going to be here for him, like he would do for her.
“Looey, you may not understand how much you could possibly mean to me but just know that i love you,”
Looey couldnt help but put his hands over his face, feeling quite flushed at what she just said to him.
“I dont want to see you like this Looey,”
Yatta continued on,
“I know you cant control it, but i just wanna be there for you.”
Hearing what Yatta said to him, Looey slowly got up from where he was sitting, he then opened the door, revealing where Yatta was sitting.
Yatta snapped her head to look at Looey and quickly stood up to formally face Looey.
Looey couldnt help but think about how sweet of Yatta was to do that for him
She sat at the door for me..shes so kind.
“I love you too, Yatta ..”
Looey quietly mumbled to Yatta, hoping she heard what he had just said
Yatta immediately put Looey into the tightest hug a toon can provide to one another, she embraced Looey with the biggest smile on her face as she said
“LOOEY!!! IM SO GLAD YOU OPENED THE DOOR!!”
Looey couldnt help but hug Yatta back, hes sure that Yatta is the only person whose ever going to understand him this deeply.
For the first time that day, he didn’t feel the need to pretend.
He still didn’t know who the toon in the mirror was.
He still didn’t know if he could ever become the Looey everyone wanted him to be.
So thank you, Yatta.
For seeing the real me,
I love you.