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After his fight with Langa, Reki was but a shell of his usual bright and outgoing self. He would avoid Langa, feeling betrayed by his so called best friend. He didn’t go to “S.” He didn’t even contact anyone for days! Whether he realized or not - his friends were getting worried.
Reki was lying in his bed, curled up in a blanket and scrolling through old pictures and videos of him and Langa trying out new skating gimicks or messing around. Langa always nailed new tricks within 3 tries. But not Reki, Reki usually fell a bunch of times and took atleast 20 attempts to get it right. So pathetic.
“Langa is so much better than me already, man i’m so useless.”
Wait that’s not what he meant to say. atleast he hopes it isn’t. was he envious of Langa? No that can’t be it, he was ecstatic for him! Reki admired how quick Langa had become good in such a short amount of time. right?
The boy lay lost in his thoughts into the late night, it was 2:47 a.m and Reki couldn’t escape his mind. It was filled with many, many terrible things.
“useless freak.”
“ugly brat”
“just quit skating you’lll never measure up to snow!”
“who is that redhead boy?”
“fucking faggot.”
he was used to things like this from school, of course it hurt and the thoughts were relentless. but one thought really stuck with him, it was something a classmate had said behind his back, he just so happened to overhear.
“No one would notice if he just died”
Reki replayed that in his head so many times he felt like he was going to go crazy. To his surprise he felt water streaking down from his burning eyes. tears? was he crying. gosh how weak! he felt his chest squeeze upon recalling every mean word said to him. gosh did it hurt.
it hurt so so much.
He started to think the kid was right. Who would miss him? His mom? they were already struggling with finances so one less child would help if anything. his sisters are too young to understand and Koyomi just dislikes him. Cherry and Joe probably just think he’s annoying and Miya is up in professional leagues, so why care about some nobody rookie?
Would Langa miss him? Beautiful langa who was his not-so-platonic best friend. Gosh Langa. He absolutely adored him. He wishes he were here with him.
“He definitely hates me after…”
he trailed off.
“Should i..?”
He remembered something that used to help him in his bouts of depression. The blade, his boxcutter. Oh how he craved the feeling of blood running down his forearm again, the burn when his clothes moved against the dried blood.
Slowly, he walked over and picked it up. He stared at the sharp object for a moment before relishing in its metallic scent. It smelled so familiar.
“Just one or two can’t hurt..”
Reki sat on his floor and rolled up the sleeve of his iconic yellow hoodie, tracing along his underarm before placing the metal on his arm. the blade felt cool and familiar on his skin, it was reliving.
Reki took a breath before slowing dragging the box cutter horizontally across his arm. He winced slightly, it had been so long since he last did this. the familiar feeling of the warm liquid gushing from his arm was comforting. he stared at the beautiful ruby color before continuing.
Each cut was deeper than the last, sickeningly so. But it felt good to him. This was his twisted way of coping. His way of forgetting about everything, all the words, the insults.
“Just one or two can’t hurt.”
He did so much more than two.