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Pyxis looked at himself in the mirror in his Habitation Module, wearing only his stockings and briefs. He twisted from side to side, a frown set deep into his face as his emerald and grey eyes focused on the burn scars that laced up his right side. They reached from foot to hairline, marring his ear and face. His hand roamed up his torso gingerly, brushing over the piercing that he had been able to get on the right nipple to match his left (luckily it hadn't been impeded by the scars), before falling away.
It's been so many years… since she did this to me.
But even now, I can still feel the pain.
The elezen's eyes clouded over as he distantly recalled the night he had been accosted by his mother deep within Labyrinthos. How, despite his studies to be the best in his class, the way he had spent many nights trying to commune with Hydaelyn to be an Oracle to help the Forum as his mother had asked… nothing was ever good enough for the Astrophytum name.
She had claimed that despite all his hard work, he had been slacking the moment he made friends with Alerot. How sneaking out to explore Labyrinthos with him and using self-guided study to do so was completely unacceptable.
"Stupid boy, foolish little whelp." She had screamed at him as he pushed him to the floor. "I am giving up everything I can for your studies! All my funds are going into you, the way I am planning for us to get to speak to Hydaelyn so you can become a stronger Oracle for us, Pyxis. You are the only Prodigy I have, and you are wasting it."
She came closer to him, towering over his ten-year-old self.
Pyxis could recall begging her to forgive him before he heard the whistle of the kettle.
Shaking her head, she grabbed it and came back to him. "Oh, Pyxis… you can apologise all you want, but you have to be punished for disobeying your Teacher. You need a more permanent way to remember this lesson than simply writing lines."
He flinched violently as he felt as though he was reliving the moment, backing away from the mirror and stumbling when he fell against something rather solid.
"Pyxis?"
The elezen felt arms wrap around his middle, and while he flinched- the smell of bergamot, vetiver and a hint of machine oil filled his senses and made him relax. "Alerot…"
Sinking to the floor, the hyur moved Pyxis to face him, still keeping him as close as he could. "You've been crying, Pyxi… what's wrong?"
Pyxis raised a hand to his cheek and felt the wet skin before he tried to wipe it away. "It's nothing serious…" He trailed off before he met Alerot's amber gaze. Seeing eyes awash with concern and a hint of 'I-won't-let-you-talk-your-way-out-of-this', the Captain sighed and continued. "I sometimes think back… on everything, and I wonder if I was ever a good prodigy for my parents."
If I had worked harder…
If I had been better…
If I had used my Echo more and been a Warrior of Light instead of solely focusing on the Exodus.
Maybe I wouldn't have the scars I bear today.
"I…" Alerot took a moment and hummed. "You know you are the most dedicated man I know, right?" He ran his hand over the scarred tissue. "Knowing that she did this to you so you'd always think you were never good enough is cruel. The title of prodigy is often cruel without meaning to be… but…"
Bowing his head, Pyxis bit his lip. "I think, regarding others, it is a boon. Take the Levellieur twins, for example. They were deemed child prodigies by following their father, mother and grandfather. They don't see it as a weight around their necks and have it as one part of their driving force."
"But they didn't hurt in the way you did, Pyxis." Alerot countered. "You are allowed to scorn the word that was turned against you, without needing a justification… or to point out where it is good for others."
"I wish I didn't have to. I used to be proud to be called a prodigy… sometimes I still am. But then I think about my past, and I just wish I wasn't… so critical of myself- or make you feel as though I regret ever meeting you."
Squeezing him tightly, Alerot shook his head and peppered kisses against Pyxis's shoulder. "I would never think that. You once told me that you'd go through it all again because you were so happy to meet me that day. Much like how I was… overjoyed to meet you."
"Yes, I.. I really meant it when I said that the day you invited me to explore, the days we spent eating rolanberry tarts and petting the lambs… it was worth everything I bear now."
Even if I didn't deserve the scarring.
Even if I didn't deserve that night in the Aitascope.
I have Alerot.
We have our Cosmic team…
I am now free to be my own person.
Pyxis pulled Alerot's hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle. "It's thanks to you that I am learning to be better… Even if I worry that I often fail to be someone of worth… especially with my gift."
"Being kids in a place we're not allowed to leave doesn't leave you with much of a hand to play with." Alerot shrugged. "I wanted to take my knowledge and try to join some kind of Engineering Works… but now I am Chief, and you are my Captain." He smiled brightly. "And I wouldn't trade it for the world."
Alerot pulled him closer. "You didn't need to be left with so much hurt and pain that you are having to undo now…"
They shared a moment of closeness, Pyxis getting his thoughts in order as he thought about the fear. The hate he felt towards his mother, the weight of the world he often felt in regret and sorrow from opportunities missed.
But he also had the moments with Alerot now… of achieving much through Cosmic Exploration, having the freedom in himself to dress how he wants to. Having the courage to be with Alerot in a way he had always dreamed.
"While I wish to never be called a prodigy of my parents again… I will take solace in the way you see me, Alerot."
Alerot beamed and kissed his partner deeply. "That makes my day, Pyxi. Now, let's get dressed for work before I make you late~"
Pyxis laughed and caught his reflection in the mirror once more.
It will still take a while until the pain fades.
But I will take pride in knowing that I am more than these scars. And in my own right… I am beautiful.