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Liy had never really felt like she belonged anywhere. Growing up, she never really had a stable friend group. She seemed to drift in-between people, never being able to sustain a connection for more than a year before the other got bored or someone less ‘difficult’ came along. In her adult years, she struggled to find a job as well— so stuck in between having no job and no friends, she decided to audition for the newest reality TV show BFDI.
To her, it was a miracle she’d even been considered to be a contestant. Compared to the others she seemed dull. There was nothing really outstanding or interesting about her, as always she was kind of just…over there. Yet there she was, standing on the green fields of BFB next to a literal Black-Hole and an eccentric Marker with a speech impediment.
Before she wasn’t.
Soon enough, she’d been eliminated—practically a first boot out of 63 contestants. Although she’d expected to get out relatively early, she never could’ve imagined she’d be swept under the rug so incredibly fast. She felt like screaming, crying, begging, doing anything to stay and prove she was more than the girl off to the side. Yet with the flick of his wrist, she was sent off. 7 years in a classroom. As if 12 wasn’t enough, she was locked in a room trapped with the most garish, unusual people with no end in sight.
As always, she didn’t belong.
Pencil and Match would always be huddled on the floor together, Leafy was crazy, Bracelety was even more so, and the rest were far too awkward. There was practically nobody to talk to but herself.
Even AFTER being released from the hell called the E.X.I.T, she still wasn’t fitting. By then everyone already had their own little bubbles and long, far too complicated histories because of course they did; she’d been talking to herself for short of a decade. And of course, nobody cared to slow down for Liy, the competition was STILL GOING! All the sounds, the new faces, the drama, the intensity— it completely overwhelmed her. She would spend hours hunched over a toilet, puking from the overload of it all.
Sure, she pretended like it was all just another adventure for her, but in reality she was only still competing because she had no life or home outside of the show. All she could do now was desperately try to hold onto the carcass of her past self and attempt to preserve her enthusiasm. Keep cool.
She felt hopeless. It was like she was watching herself through a lense. So much had been stolen from her; her friendships, her family, the entirety of her youth. Still, not a single number stored on her phone. She truly had never been so lonely.
That was until he showed up.
Pen was everything Liy wasn’t. He was completely full off life. He was constantly surrounded by his friends. He carried this overwhelming, burning moral passion wherever he went, and it really surprised Liy when he looked at her with such intensity. He was intelligent, he was thoughtful, he was strong and he had quite the face. He had a sense of direction; a desire to live, to do things with himself and make things worthwhile. Everything Liy had been chasing her whole life, he pulled off so naturally.
So Liy was even more bewildered when he took an incredibly intense liking to her.
Pen had been on her original team ‘DEATH P.A.C.T’ at the start of BFB. They weren’t close, they’d barely talked back then, but Liy remembered that he was… nice? Honestly she couldn’t remember anything. Rejoined into TPOT, she’d landed on his team again—thankfully with starkly different members than DEATH P.A.C.T— and for a moment she was enjoying herself.
Pen was more than nice, he was perfect to her. It was his level of attentiveness that really got to her. Liy had always considered herself to be rather skilled at pushing down the…other side of herself, yet when in came to Pen, he always noticed when she was about to bubble over. It unnerved her from time to time. What had she done to deserve the attention of such a well off guy? It’s not like she has anything to offer.
Nonetheless, he stays glued at her hip.
~~
Liy wakes up to the smell off delicious pasta wafting through the air, paired with the equally delicious sound of sizzling veggies on a hot pan. Pen had made… breakfast? It was a little bit odd to be having pasta for breakfast, but she certainly wasn’t complaining.
Shortly after she rejoined, Liy realised she was couldn’t do anything herself anymore, and cooking was no exception. She was barely able to make anything other than a sandwich, coupled with how she only ate bread in the E.X.I.T, and how often she’s been throwing up nowadays, she grew worryingly skinny and weak.
So it was nice to have Pen cook for her, albeit embarrassing, but better than her trying to manage a meal herself. Exhaling, Liy walks into their shared living room with her arms around her waist, wincing slightly at the light.
“Ah, you’re finally up!” Pen exclaims, glancing casually over his shoulder at her. Liy slowly walks over to the dining table, carefully placing herself into the seat with a yawn.
“Yea… what time is it? I feel like I’ve slept for ages…”
Pen leans over to his side to grab his phone.
“It’s nearly 8pm,” he informs. Liy’s face drops.
“W- 8pm!? I…I slept through the whole day?” Liy couldn’t believe it. She knew her sleep schedule wasn’t the best, but this was a new low even for her.
“Yeahhh… though don’t worry, you didn’t miss much.”
…Oh well, she supposed it wasn’t the worst thing ever. It was good she’d finally gotten some uninterrupted sleep, better yet without those freakish nightmares she’s always having. She was sort of glad. Rubbing her eyes, she calls back out to Pen.
“Well… thanks for making dinner, can I uh.. help?” Liy meekly offers.
“You’re all good!” He responds.
The conversation dies from there.
Tonight, Pen was especially nervous. Not too long ago during one of the challenges, he’d had ran back into the hotel to retrieve some junk from Robot Flowers shop to assist his team. However, while he was sorting through the broken windows and laser guns, he’d heard this sort of… painful, heaving noise. It sounded guttural, like someone was puking. It was coming from the kitchen.
Worried, he’d cautiously peeked through the circular window in the door. There, he’d seen Liy hunched over the kitchen sink with her knuckles white, fiercely griping either side of the metal as her chest heaved brutally. Through the long strands of brown hair draped over her face, he could make out wide, frantic eyes and a line of spit drooling from her mouth. She was pale—ghostly pale.
Pens heart sunk at the sight. He’d recalled her saying she was going off to go sabotage the other teams; this surely wasn’t right. Perhaps they’d poisoned her, or forced some expired fish down her throat or some other absurdly wacky thing akin to TPOT fashion. However, he knew that this likely wasn’t the case.
He wasn’t stupid, he’d seen the way Liy had changed ever since the E.X.I.T— physically and mentally. Despite how she preaches to the camera about ‘adventure’, he knew she wasn’t fully there anymore, and he knew her enthusiasm for the game had long since been expelled. She was sick of it. She’d become thin and lethargic. She was tired of the nonsense, she was tired of all the drama and above all, she was tired of not fitting no matter how hard she tried.
And this was the product; he had to help her.
So here he was, grating Parmesan over some slightly burnt pasta. In full honesty, after seeing Liy in such a vulnerable state, he’s not quite sure how to approach her. Having lost so many of his friends, he doesn’t want to scare her off, yet he has to do something; but he doesn’t know how! All that was left to do was try to show his appreciation through the universal language of food.
Carefully, he sets down a bowl of pasta in front of Liy; she mutter a thanks. He sits down opposite her with his own bowl, crossing one leg over the other.
“So…” Pen pauses, “how was your ‘nap’?” He awkwardly starts. Liy chuckles a little bit, grabbing her fork and poking at her food
“It was good, actually. I’ve been having some trouble sleeping so I guess it was good for me, even if it did completely ruin my sleep schedule” she jokes.
Pen sighs, she seems to be in a good mood. Sensing this, he loosens up a little, smoothly picking up the conversation as his usual socially effervescent self shines through. It almost surprises Liy how quickly she’s taken out of her head at Pen’s animated chattered. For her, it’s almost like magic to have someone able to engage her like that nowadays.
Faintly, she feels a little jealous. Jealous about how effortlessly Pen can pull it off, how he can find resolve in just about any situation. Why couldn’t she do that? Why was it so difficult for her to simply speak while it came so easy to him? Don’t get her wrong, she was immensely grateful to have Pen and his optimism, but at times it felt insulting.
At times it felt like he was rubbing it in; almost patronising. She wasn’t a broken patient for him to fix with his effortlessly calming attitudes and comforting food. She wasn’t there to boost his ego. She didn’t need fixing.
But then again, she was hopeless. She couldn’t cook, she couldn’t drive, she couldn’t make friends—she couldn’t do anything herself anymore. So maybe she did need him. Maybe she was just as broken as she thought.
No. This was her problem. Pen was a truly good at heart and she knew it. He just wanted to help her, and yet all she could do was seethe in jealousy and self-doubt and create walls. Why did she do this? Why did her brain have to curl in on itself whenever things started to look up? Slowly, her face drops, and Pen notices, stoping mid sentence.
“You… okay there?” He questions.
“Why do you hang around me?”
Pen stutters. “…S-Sorry?”
“I just… I don’t understand. You…you have so much to gain, so why stick around someone like me?” Liy interrogates, voice soft, eyes locked onto her half finished pasta. Pen’s worry returns. For a moment, he isn’t sure what to say.
“B-Because I like you,” he answers carefully.
“But why?”
“Do I need a reason too? I like you because you’re you Liy,”
For a moment, Liy was coloured speechless. It made no sense to her—liking someone just because they’re…them? She didn’t get it. You like people because they’re nice, or entertaining or funny, not just because they’re themselves. Pen was just beating around the bush.
“Yea well, what makes ‘Liy’ so likeable then?” She challenges, resting her elbows on the table with a look of judgment. Pen looks back at her thoughtfully, taking a beat to formulate his words. He hesitates, worrying he may come off too strong or sappy.
“I guess I could say… It’s…” he sighs, “…not really any distinct…quality. I don’t like you because you’re funny, or smart or whatever… I like you simply because of who you are.” Pen looks down, cheeks dusted pink.
“I dunno, it’s such an abstract feeling that I can’t really put it into words. It’s just the way you respond to things, or think, or even the way you act at heart— no matter if you’re being nice or mean, or stupid or smart, I’m attracted to that aggressively passionate, underlying part of you that is undeniably defines ‘Liy’.”
Finally, he looks up, grinning out of embarrassment.
“So… does that answer your question?”
Liy frowns, lips beginning wobble and eyes starting to puff up. Her whole body felt warm, like butter right before it’s melting point. She’d never been appreciated like that before. For years, the mere idea of someone loving her for who she was against all her flaws felt like some far away fantasy—and yet here she was, Pen staring her in the eye with a sheepish smile.
“Y-you really mean it..?” She questions, voice fragile. He nods, eyes warm with affection
“Really.”
Liy’s hands come over her face, head rounding to her chest to shield herself from view. Her shoulder’s shake. Her long, brown hair drapes over her back and down to cover her face, making her look all the more vulnerable and delicate. Out of the blue, she starts to sob.
Pen, surprised, quickly gets up from his seat and rushes over to her side of the table. Gently, he comes down next to her, arm around her chair.
“Liy! You good there? Gosh, surely my speech wasn’t that bad…” He jokes, handing her a tissue box.
Liy takes a tissue and holds it up to her nose as she blows. Her shoulders rise and fall as she runs a hand over her face, trying to compose herself. Perhaps she was being a little dramatic but she couldn’t care less—not with what she was about to say. Through her glossy red eyes, quivering lip and puffy cheeks, she chokes out three words.
“I-I love you.”
Pen’s eyes widen. His throat closes up and his eyes start to puff up. Soon enough, he’s grabbing at tissues as well.