Chapter Text
Click clack
“…Did you seriously blow all our money on fucking tulip bulbs?”
Krill: maybe ;)
“Don’t give me that, you son of a bitch! Growing tulips will net us almost nothing! Parsnips cost the same amount and sell for more!”
Krill: tulips r pretty tho
“I’m going to murder you.”
Krill: lmao
“The egg festival is in five days,” she slams her fist on her desk hard enough for it to get picked up by the mic. “We need parsnip money god damn it!”
Krill: chill
Krill: we can start profitmaxxing next season
She goes silent for a moment. “You seem to be unaware of something very important.”
Krill: more important than the strawberry seeds?
“Yes.” She paused for dramatic effect.
“The lawn flamingos.”
Krill unmutes themself. “THIS GAME HAS LAWN FLAMINGOS?!”
“Yeah, and they cost 400g each, genius.”
“FUCK!”
“See, now you regret buying the tulip bulbs.”
Krill grumbles something unintelligible. “Why didn’t you mention the lawn flamingos before I bought the tulip bulbs?!”
“I didn’t know you were going to waste our G on fucking tuli-” she’s cut off by a loud notification from her phone.
“Dammit…” she murmurs just loud enough for the mic to pick up.
“…Kozu? You good?”
She sighed. “Yeah. It was just an alert about some nearby kaiju.”
“Shouldn’t you be evacuating then?”
Kozue opened her mouth to object, but realized it was pointless. “…yeah. I probably should be. We can play again later, assuming I don’t get totally murderized.”
“Alright. Stay safe, please.”
“Don’t count on it.” And with that, Kozue left the call. With a sigh, she pushed herself from her desk and stood from her chair.
She stared at her desk, an inner monologue beginning in her head. I don’t really need to evacuate, do I? The first division handles these things pretty quickly, and I don’t really want to bother leaving. Is the kaiju even that close to my house?
Then there was a thud. And another thud. And then a third thud, this time accompanied by a small tremor.
Kozue’s eyes widened. Oh fuck.
The thuds kept getting louder, and the tremors more intense. It got to the point that her monitors were being shaken so much they looked like they might actually fall over.
Well damn. Guess this is it.
…I should haunt Krill when I’m dead. That’d be funny. Wait. A pissed off look spreads across her face. I DON’T HAVE A WILL WRITTEN YET!! WHO’S GONNA GET MY SHIT?!
With one of the loudest goddamn crashing noises Kozue had ever heard, the kaiju smashed through what seemed like half of her fucking house. As she looked up at the giant monstrosity her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. She had never been this close to a kaiju before. Holy shit that thing is huge.
Is this the part where my life flashes before my eyes? As she thought that, the kaiju turned its giant, horrible head and stared directly at her. Nothing’s happening. I guess that trope was bullshit after all. With a sigh, she relaxed her stance and stared straight back at the kaiju. “Well? Are you going to just keep sitting there on the ruins of my house or are you going to hurry up and kill me?” Her words were steeped in irritation.
Though the kaiju could not understand her, it seemed to have chosen that moment to start moving again anyways. It lifted one leg up, about to take another property-destroying step, when it suddenly ceased all movement. Its leg was already lifted, but of course it was no longer able to remain balanced; so it toppled over and fell —DIRECTLY ON THE STILL INTACT HALF OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!?! SERIOUSLY?! Any passerby would have been able to see the irk mark on her forehead.
When she noticed the JAKDF soldier standing atop the fresh kaiju corpse, her blood was boiling hot enough to melt steel. “SERIOUSLY?! COULDN’T YOU HAVE KILLED THAT KAIJU BEFORE IT DESTROYED MY FUCKING HOUSE?!?!”
I thought JAKDF soldiers were more competent than that.
The soldier’s expression morphed into almost an exact copy of what Kozue’s was a minute ago, highly visible irk mark included. “HAAH? ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB?!”
“MAYBE I AM!!” She shouted back at him.
“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM THE MORON WHO DIDN’T EVACUATE!”
Kozue opened her mouth to refute him but paused. She opened and closed her mouth a few more times, sort of like a fish, before deciding to keep it closed. Dammit, he’s not exactly wrong.
Seeing as her rage was no longer giving her vision problems and her blood was simmering as opposed to boiling, she finally took a proper look at the JAKDF soldier who killed the kaiju.
Wait a damn minute- “GEN NARUMI?! Yeah! You’re Gen Narumi!”
“In the flesh.” He seemed calmer after being recognized, the egotistical little bastard.
“What the fuck! You of all people should have been able to kill that thing before it got to my house!” Kozue’s blood began rising in temperature once more. “Aren’t you supposed to be the strongest captain?! You should be more competent than this!”
Aaand Narumi was straight back to being pissed again. “Excuse me?! I was dealing with the yoju! It’s not my fault the officers couldn’t keep the honju contained!”
“Wh- WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU HANDLING THE YOJU?! YOU COULD HAVE DEALT WITH THE HONJU WITH EASE AND WE WOULDN’T HAVE ENDED UP IN THIS MESS!!”
“I- Uh.” He now had one of those nervous sweat drops you see in anime on his forehead. “T- That doesn’t matter! The kaiju is dead and there were no casualties.”
“No casualties my ass!! My poor house is in shambles, dude!”
Narumi sighed. “No human casualties. Anyways, I should have been out of here a while ago. Bye.”
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT MY HOUSE?!?!” But Narumi had already skedaddled, wanting to avoid taking accountability for his blatant fuckup getting yelled at any further. That son of a bitch…
With a sigh, Kozue sunk to the ground, all the adrenaline draining out of her body like water through a sieve. “Seriously, what the fuck am I gonna do about this…” She bemoaned, hands dragging down her face.
She looked up, glancing around. “Eh?” There had been a faint rumbling noise.
And as it turns out, that rumbling was coming from the unstable remains of the part of her floor she was sitting on. Unfortunately for Kozue, she did not realize that until the ground gave out beneath her.
She tumbled sideways as her floor fell to the ground level of the ruins of her house, attempting to catch herself. This didn’t work particularly well, obviously, seeing as she fell a whole story.
There she was, in some serious pain, lying on her side several feet away from the remains of the kaiju. All she could do was close her eyes and grit her teeth; her phone had fallen elsewhere and she was in too much pain to get up and grab it, so she had no way of calling for an ambulance.
This fucking SUCKS! Was her last thought as she faded into unconsciousness.
———
“...y.”
“...ey.”
“Hey!”
“Oh thank god you’re awake. We called an ambulance for you. It’ll be here soon”
…? Who is this fuckin guy??
“I’m with the kaiju disposal guys. Did you get injured by the kaiju?”
Kozue just kept staring at the man, unresponsive, not really processing what he was saying.
“Oookay, that doesn’t seem good.”
“mffkingrbshr.”
“Wuh?”
Kozue just groaned and closed her eyes again, letting herself be reclaimed by unconsciousness once more.
Except no the fuck she wasn’t, because right at that moment the loudest goddamn WEE-WOO imaginable pierced her eardrums like a needle. It’s a wonder her eardrums didn’t start bleeding.
“Oh, good, the ambulance is h-”
“MY FUCKING EARS!!”
The man flinched away from Kozue’s sudden screech. “Good to know you feel ok enough to yell!” A muttered “Jeez…” was tacked onto the end.
Before he could say anything else, he got pushed out of the way by the EMTs carrying a stretcher.
The process of being loaded onto the stretcher hurt like a motherfucker, but the paramedics administered Kozue some painkillers, allowing her enough peace to finally pass out again.