Work Text:
Sakuya and Ryo stood in Sakuya’s living room, and Sakuya had sweat forming on his neck from nervousness. “Ryo, I- would you want to go on a date with me? Like. Tonight?” He watched as Ryo’s face lit up brighter than the sun, staring at Sakuya as if he hung the stars for him. Sakuya sighed in relief when Ryo’s face didn’t contort into disgust, feeling so grateful he didn’t immediately reject him.
“You really wanna date? Really?” Ryo nearly jumped up and down when Sakuya asked him out, the biggest grin on his face. He’d been praying for this day for nearly a year, having had the biggest crush on Sakuya for that time. “I’d love nothing more, Saku-chan.” Ryo pulled Sakuya into a massive hug, squealing as he squeezed him. Sakuya giggled at him, hugging him back much gentler than Ryo hugged him. He didn’t mind, though. “Of course I want to, idiot. I’ve liked you for so long. I talked to Sion hyung and he thought it would be a good idea to ask you out, so, here I am.” Sakuya spoke after he pulled away from the hug. He had a light dust on his cheeks that showed Ryo he was anything but a liar.
Ryo was excited for their date, making plans in his head just in case Sakuya didn’t plan it out. He was thinking–a nice stay at home dinner date with their favorite foods ordered, a movie, and snacks to eat in between and after dinner. This could of course include cuddling, as it’s normal for them to do that anyways. But the thought of Ryo cuddling on a date with Sakuya made his face light up.
Sakuya thought through the same thing, yet somehow planned the exact same way Ryo did. “Okay, I have an idea for what we can do. Wanna hear it?” Ryo nodded excitedly, like a puppy who’s owner just offered him a treat. “We order in food and have a lazy night in on the couch, but first we go to the store to grab some snacks. We can just lay on the couch together and watch a movie?”
Ryo grinned, “I was thinking the exact same thing. Let’s order steak or something?” He put in an idea for dinner, wanting something a little bit fancy. “I can pay, of course.” He offered, not wanting to ask for something expensive and then expect Sakuya to pay. Sakuya snorted at him, rolling his eyes playfully. “You’re not paying to the date I asked you to go on with me, stupid.” He smacked Ryo gently in the back of the head, giggling.
They walked to the convenience store together, picking out a good size assortment of snacks. Ryo picked out ice cream for the both of them, running up excitedly to Sakuya. “Ryo thought we could eat this on the walk back?” He shoved them in Sakuya’s face, smiling brightly at him. Sakuya took them from Ryo’s hands without a word, adding them to the basket.Sakuya still didn’t allow Ryo to pay, pulling his card out faster than Ryo could even think about it.
Ryo thought it was cute.
The walk back was calm and silent, the both of them eating their ice cream, finishing it right as they arrived back at Sakuya’s apartment. Sakuya typed in the passcode and opened the door for Ryo, placing the bags on his kitchen counter. “Get out whatever you think you’ll eat during the movie, I’ll order our food, okay?” He pulled out his phone to open the ordering app, selecting a few meals and drinks for the two of them to share.
Ryo pulled out some chips and candy, placing it on the coffee table. “Order something good?” He plopped on the couch, waiting patiently for Sakuya to join him on the couch. Sakuya hummed and went to his room to grab a couple blankets for them, bringing them to Ryo. “I always know what to pick, you know this. He smiled, before sitting next to Ryo.
“Do you want to pick the movie?” Sakuya handed the remote to Ryo, unfolding his own blanket to lay it over himself. Ryo was fast to settle on Frozen, handing the remote back to Sakuya before pulling the blanket over himself as well.
Sakuya couldn’t help but stare at Ryo until he was interrupted by a knock at the door, standing up quickly to grab their food that had been delivered. He brought it to the coffee table and set it out for the two of them, putting the delivery bag to the side to clean up later. “You can eat whatever, I got everything for us to share.”
Ryo sat up with a big smile on his face, quick to start eating. “Thank you, Saku-chan!” He watched Sakuya begin to eat as well, thinking he was the prettiest person in the entire world. They finished the food quickly, Ryo offering to clean up. He put all the trash into the delivery bag and set it next to the trashcan, that way it was ready to go when Sakuya took the trash out.
They both sat back on the couch. Sakuya put his arm around Ryo’s shoulder, carefully pulling him closer. “Is this okay? Will you lay next to me?” He asked carefully, his voice a bit shaky with nerves. Ryo happily scooted next to him, resting his head on his shoulder. “We always cuddle, Saku-chan, it doesn’t need to feel weird now, okay?” Ryo reassured him, nuzzling a bit into Sakuya. He held Ryo close, resting his head on top of Ryo’s. The snacks vanished quickly, and before they knew it, Ryo was dozing off on Sakuya’s shoulder.
Sakuya thought it was cute.
Sakuya left Ryo to sleep on the couch, going to his own room to get some rest. He cleaned up and settled into his bed, watching tiktoks for an hour or two before finally turning off his lamp. It felt like a normal night with Ryo, and that’s what he loved the most about it. He relaxed into his bed and fell asleep, hoping to dream of Ryo.
The morning came quickly, with Ryo waking up confused as to why Sakuya wasn’t with him. “Saku-chan?” He realized Sakuya hadn’t woken up yet, assuming he went to sleep late like he usually did. He stood up, wanting to make breakfast for him, wanting to pay him back for the night before. He decided on rolled omelettes, and thankfully, he didn’t need help finding anything. He went to Sakuya’s place more than he ever stayed at his own.
He went to gently wake up Sakuya once he finished cooking, smiling and handing him the plate. “I brought breakfast in bed as a thank you for last night.” He sat next to him on the bed, his own food being placed in front of him. Sakuya smiled sleepily, sitting up and hugging Ryo. “Thank you, Hirose. It smells good.” He ate slowly, as he always did when he had just woken up, but it was clear that he enjoyed the food.
The two of them finished eating quickly, with Sakuya offering to take the plates to do the dishes. “You need to shower, you fell asleep before you could last night.” Sakuya stated before exiting to the kitchen. Ryo pouted, but dug through Sakuya’s clothes anyways to find a shirt and boxers to wear.
He took a hot shower and used Sakuya’s hair oil and facewash after, before exiting the bathroom and smiling when he saw Sakuya sitting on his bed. “I didn’t bring an overnight bag, I hope you don’t mind I had to wear your clothes.” Sakuya stared at Ryo’s bare legs in his own boxers, a pink dust across his face. “Ah- it’s fine, don’t worry.”
Ryo climbed into the bed next to Sakuya, plopping his head on Sakuya’s chest. “Thank you for letting me stay the night, I appreciate it.” Sakuya hummed, scrolling through Twitter on his phone. “It’s never a problem, you know you can always stay over. I don’t like you staying at your own place, anyways.” Sakuya set his phone down, giving his full attention to Ryo.
“I’m just grateful your family is never here, makes it easier to avoid my mom and sister.” Ryo sighed, nuzzling his head into Sakuya’s chest. They both knew neither of their family lives were very good, but Ryo’s was far worse because they actually spent time at home. Sakuya’s family was always on a trip that they didn’t bring him on, work, or just somewhere not knowing where they were.
“Makes it easier to see you, anyways. I’m glad they don’t care if you’re never home.” Sakuya ran a hand through Ryo’s hair, gently scraping his fingers on his scalp. Ryo let out a happy noise at this, closing his eyes with a small smile on his face. “That feels nice.” He mumbled, bringing his leg over Sakuya’s.
Sakuya rested his free hand on Ryo’s thigh to keep it there, before pulling away. “Oh- sorry, is that okay?” Ryo nodded, “I told you it doesn’t have to be weird. We’ve basically acted like a couple for months anyways, I don’t mind.” Ryo reassured him, moving his leg slightly up to allow Sakuya to hold it. “I just wanted to make sure because you’re pantsless.” Sakuya rolled his eyes with a smile, placing his hand back.
“Hirose-chan, I’m bored. Let’s go somewhere.” Sakuya held Ryo’s leg close to him, rubbing his thumb gently across his skin. “I need to get groceries anyways, come with me?” Ryo pouted at this, he wanted to be close to Sakuya. “But then that means we can’t cuddle anymore. I like being close to you.”
Sakuya giggled and pushed Ryo’s leg off of him, sitting up. “We’ll still be spending time together. Put some pants on and let’s go.” Sakuya stated like it was obvious, standing up to throw some clothes on so they could go. Ryo listened and found some sweatpants of Sakuya’s, putting socks on and going to the front door, waiting for Sakuya.
Sakuya grabbed his wallet and keys after getting ready quickly, going to the door and slipping his shoes on, opening the door for Ryo. “My passenger princess.” Sakuya teased him as they both got into the car. “Am I your favorite passenger princess?” Ryo smiled at him while buckling, his eyes bright. “Of course you are.” Sakuya started the car, heading to the grocery store.
They picked out a few things and started checking out, before Ryo got a call. “Shit, my mom is calling. I have to take this.” Ryo escaped outside, answering the phone. Sakuya frowned. He knew that his mom calling usually meant he had to leave, so he’d keep in mind he would have to carry his groceries to his apartment alone.
Ryo answered with a quiet “Hi, okaasan. What do you need?” His voice was quiet, a bit scared. “I need you home, now. Your sister is leaving and I need you to take care of the cleaning.” His mom’s voice was angry, causing Ryo to flinch a bit. “Okay, I’ll be home soon.” Ryo announced before hanging up the phone, walking back inside to Sakuya. “I need you to bring me home, I’m sorry.” His voice was soft, nervous.
“I assumed so. Just let me know when to pick you back up, yeah? Help me bring these to the car.” He asked as he grabbed one of two boxes, making sure Ryo could hold the second one just fine. They placed the boxes in the back of the car, getting into the front seats. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with me, I’m sure you’ll end up back over tonight.” Sakuya started driving once they buckled, heading towards Ryo’s house. “I love you, Saku, I’ll text you.” Ryo got out of the car once he arrived, feeling a deep feeling of anxiety in his stomach as he walked towards the front door.
Sakuya drove away before Ryo’s mom could see him, knowing she wouldn’t be happy to know Ryo was with him again. He drove away sadly, heading back to his own apartment.
Ryo walked into his house with shaky hands, slipping his shoes off and sneaking into the kitchen on his tip-toes. His mom was standing there angrily, her arms crossed. “Were you off with that little faggot again?” She scoffed, staring Ryo down. “No, okaasan, I was at another friend’s house.” He stared at the floor, feeling small in front of her.
She rolled her eyes before starting to walk away. “Whatever, I just want this house clean before you leave again. Don’t bother me.” She exited to her room, leaving behind a scared, nearly crying Ryo. He put in his airpods and cried while he cleaned, wishing he was still with Sakuya.
“Kuya, please come pick me up. My mom said I can go now.” Ryo called Sakuya in tears. He stood outside already with his backpack on his back, a tote bag in hand holding some items he would need for a couple of days. He didn’t want to be at home for multiple days, so he was hoping Sakuya would allow him to stay longer. Since it was already night, Ryo stared at the stars while he waited.
Sakuya was quick to throw on some shoes and run to his car when he heard Ryo crying, speeding to his house. He pulled a couple houses down so that Ryo’s mom didn’t see his car, telling Ryo over text to walk to his car. When Ryo got in the passenger seat, his face was puffy from crying, his eyes red. “I’m sorry I made you drive suddenly, Saku-chan.” Sakuya shook his head at that, “absolutely no apologizing. We’re gonna go to my place, we can lay together, watch something on the tv, whatever you wanna do, okay?”
Ryo stared out the window at the night sky and nodded, trying to avoid Sakuya’s gaze. He knew Sakuya hated to see him cry, but just because he wished he could save Ryo. Ryo wished he could, too.
They arrived at Sakuya’s apartment building. Sakuya opened the car door for Ryo and took his bags, not allowing him to grab them himself. They walked up the stairs and entered, going straight for Sakuya’s room. “You can shower tonight or tomorrow, I don’t mind either way. You can sleep in here tonight, too, if you’d like.”
“Wanna shower in the morning. Wanna lay with you.” Ryo plopped down on Sakuya’s bed, nuzzling into the pillow. “Can I lay on your chest?” His voice was soft, a little nervousness of a crush in his tone. Sakuya smiled at that, laying next to Ryo and pulled him close. “You don’t have to ask for that. You treat me like a doll anyways.” Sakuya joked, smiling at himself.
“Because you are a doll.” Ryo laid on Sakuya’s chest and smiled up at him, poking his cheek. “The prettiest doll.” Ryo loved to compliment Sakuya, he thought he was the prettiest person in the entire world. Sakuya thought the same about Ryo. “Well it’s good you’re not a doll, and you’re a puppy. Otherwise you’d be the prettiest doll.”
Ryo shook his head, and looked down, playing with Sakuya’s shirt. “Can we watch NCT videos?” He smiled while he watched Sakuya grab the remote, turning on the tv to put on a series for NCT 127. They watched in silence before the both of them dozed off, close in each other’s hold.
Sakuya woke up first today, smiling in his groggy state when he saw Ryo still cuddled into his chest, his leg on top of Sakuya’s. He moved Ryo off carefully, making sure he didn’t wake him, before going into the bathroom to get ready for the day. He would let Ryo stay while he had to go to work, Ryo knew this was normal and allowed. He worked in a small cafe as a barista, spending short shifts handling a lot of the drinks, while also training to be a shift lead. He was hoping it would make him enough money to spoil Ryo more, especially since he didn’t have to pay any bills besides his phone and car payments.
He shook Ryo awake before he left, letting him know he was off to work. “I’ll be home in a few hours, okay?” Ryo nodded sleepily and blew a kiss at him, smiling before closing his eyes again. Sakuya headed to work and left a note on the counter that Ryo could order food on his account, leaving the login on the paper in case Ryo had forgotten it.
Ryo woke up fully a couple hours later, rubbing his eyes and frowning a bit when he realized Sakuya was still at work. He got some clothes out of his bag and got ready to hop in the shower. He used Sakuya’s shampoo and bodywash, happy he was able to smell like him. He used His hair oil and face wash too, getting dressed after his shower and went into the kitchen. He saw the note on the counter and smiled, opening his phone to order some food for himself.
He watched some videos and ate on the couch, waiting patiently for Sakuya to come home. He perked up like an excited puppy when he heard the keypad getting typed on, jumping up from the couch to meet Sakuya at the door. He pulled him into a tight hug the moment he walked in, smiling brightly. “Hi, Saku-chan! How was work?” Sakuya held Ryo close to him, putting his face into the crook of his neck. “Tiring. Did you order yourself food?”
Ryo giggled and nodded, pulling away. “Thank you for letting me! I missed you a lot. It’s so lonely here when you’re at work. Too quiet.” Ryo pouted, hugging Sakuya again. “I’m sorry you missed me, pretty boy. How can I make it up to you?” Sakuya nuzzled his face back into Ryo’s neck, holding his waist.
“Play a game with me?” Ryo finally pulled away from the second hug, smiling at Sakya with wide eyes, trying to convince Sakuya to say yes. “Let me go grab my switch, then. I’m gonna change first, I'll be back.” Sakuya announced before retreating to his bedroom, coming back with his switch and the dock. He plugged it into the tv and handed one joycon to Ryo, taking the other for himself.
They ended up playing Mario Kart, with Sakuya winning each time. Ryo got poutier every time he lost, before he crossed his arms and pouted. “I don’t wanna play anymore.” You could hear Ryo huff after he spoke, the pout clear in his tone of voice. “Aw, pouty Ryo. You really are like a puppy!” Sakuya teased, tackling Ryo to tickle him. Ryo gasped for air as he laughed, trying desperately to push Sakuya off. “Okay, okay! No more!”
Sakuya pulled away and giggled at him, thinking he was the cutest in the world. “Cute.” He spoke out loud, causing Ryo to gasp and hide his flushed face in his hands. “I’m not!” He tried to defend himself, still hiding his face in his hands. “You are cute, Ryo-chan.” Sakuya sat up properly on the couch, opening his arm to invite Ryo to lean on him. Ryo did just that, making a small happy noise at the contact. “You’re my favorite, Ryo.”
“You’re my favorite too, Sakuya.” Ryo put his legs over Sakuya to sit in his lap, nuzzling close to his neck. “You smell like me.” Sakuya pointed out, running a hand through Ryo’s hair. “Used your shampoo and bodywash, it smells nice.” Ryo responded in a quiet voice. “I like laying with you a lot.” Sakuya smiled at that, before digging out his phone to scroll through tiktok. “Wanna watch with me?” Ryo nodded and climbed off of him, laying back into his side so they could watch together.
“Saku, will you cook for me?” Ryo looked at Sakuya, wanting his ramen. “I just got home from work a bit ago, Ryo, I’m tired. Can you cook?” Sakuya looked a tiny bit annoyed. Ryo pouted again, giving Sakuya puppy dog eyes. “But you cook ramen so much better than me. Please?” Sakuya sighed at that, before standing up and going into the kitchen to start cooking for Ryo. “It’ll be done soon. You can put something on the tv if you’d like.”
Ryo just scrolled through his phone instead, not feeling up to watching anything anymore today. He waited patiently for his food, although he felt a tiny bit guilty for having asked Sakuya. But if he really didn’t want to cook it, he wouldn’t have, right? This is what Ryo told himself so he didn’t feel bad about asking for the food. PLus, he cooked for Sakuya yesterday. It was even, right?
“Here you go, Hirose.” Sakuya handed the bowl to him and went to clean up the kitchen, leaving Ryo to eat. “This is so yummy! Thank you, Saku-chan!” Ryo exclaimed from the couch, hoping he was loud enough that Sakuya heard him from the kitchen. “I’m glad it’s good!” Sakuya shouted back, coming back into the living room to grab Ryo’s bowl once he finished eating. He finished up the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen afterwards.
“I need to go clean up, I’m covered in milk and syrup.” Sakuya announced as he entered the living room again, before going to his room to grab clothes so he could shower. Ryo pouted when Sakuya left, annoyed that his time with him was getting taken over by other things. He went and laid on Sakuya’s bed while he waited for him to come back, scrolling through tiktok in silence.
Sakuya smiled when he came back in, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Hirose, will you put oil in my hair?” Ryo shot up at the sight of Sakuya, his eyes lighting up. “Of course I can! Will you sit on the floor so it’s easier for me to reach?” He asked cutely, making sure he added some whine to his voice to convince him. Sakuya giggled and moved to the floor, sitting crisscrossed. Ryo was quick to sit up and ran to the bathroom to grab the hair oil, sitting on the bed behind Sakuya. He put some oil in his hand and rubbed his hands to coat both of them, humming happily as he started playing with Sakuya’s hair.
He made sure to get every inch, standing up to wash his hands once he was done. “I’m all done, Saku-chan. I’ll be right back.” Sakuya climbed back on the bed while Ryo was gone, plopping into his pillows. He had had a rough shift, wanting nothing more than to sit in silence cuddling Ryo for a little while, maybe a nap. He opened his arms for Ryo after he came back, inviting him to lay on him like he usually did. Ryo happily plopped onto Sakuya’s chest, making a small happy noise.
“Missed you, Saku-chan.” Ryo whispered, kissing Sakuya gently on the collarbone. “I missed you too, Hirose.” Sakuya ran a hand through Ryo’s hair, scratching at his scalp. “You have a good day while I was gone? What’d you get up to?” Ryo hummed before speaking, “just watched NCT. You know, the usual.” Ryo giggled, humming happily at the feeling of Sakuya’s fingers on his scalp. “I gotta take you to see them one day.” Sakuya stared at the ceiling as he spoke, happy to have Ryo in his embrace. Ryo perked up happily, staring at Sakuya with wide eyes. “Please! Oh my god, I would want nothing more.” Sakuya smiled, “Then it’s done.”
-
“Saku-chan, I don’t wanna eat alone. Will you please come with me?” They had been dating for a month now, and Ryo had only been home three times to grab things he needed to keep at Sakuya’s place. They both thought he might as well move in, but if Sakuya’s family came home they would not be happy. They both wished he could, though.
Sakuya stood up and followed Ryo to the kitchen. He had noticed a growing habit where Ryo didn’t really like to do things alone, but he didn’t mind. He thought Ryo was cute for wanting to be around Sakuya so much. “Wanna make omelettes for us?” Sakuya had gotten sort of sick of cooking every meal, having cooked nearly every meal for the both of them since Ryo had been staying. Ryo hummed and nodded, grabbing the eggs and soy sauce, starting to mix things in a bowl.
Sakuya sat at a bar stool and watched, a light pink dusting his face. He loved watching Ryo’s arms when he did anything, feeling entranced by the way his muscles flexed. “You’re really pretty, Ryo.” Sakuya’s voice was quiet, watching Ryo closely. Ryo looked away and blushed hard, pausing his mixing of the eggs. “You’re prettier.” He sounded flustered, before finishing mixing. He finished up the omelettes and placed them in front of both of them, sitting next to Sakuya at the counter.
Sakuya ate quickly, as if he was starving. “You cook so good, Ryo. Thank you.” He finished eating and waited for Ryo so he could clean the dishes, cleaning up the counter a bit as well while he was at it. “Our concert is tonight, are you excited?” Ryo’s eyes lit up at the mention, nodding faster than he thought he ever had. “How am I supposed to see Doyoung on stage? I’m gonna faint.”
Sakuya giggled at him, finishing up cleaning and walking over to Ryo. He ruffled his hair before planting a gentle kiss to his lips, giggling when Ryo chased his lips for another. He thought Ryo was the cutest person alive. “So cute, you really are like a puppy.” Ryo huffed, “but you’re a doll, so we’re even.” The petnames stuck for the entire time they had known each other, starting from the moment they met.
Ryo stared at Sakuya, not knowing who his new classmate was. He thought he really looked like a doll, not understanding how someone could be so beautiful.
“Hi, I’m Sakuya.” He bowed when he greeted Ryo, smiling widely at him. “I- um.. I’m Ryo!” He perked up, bowing back at him. “You look like a doll. Have you ever been told that?” “I’ve gotten it a few times. But you act like a puppy. So there, we’re even.”
Ryo had fallen in love since that moment.
-
“That was the best night of my life! Thank you so so so much, Saku-chan!” Ryo bounced in his steps on the walk back to Sakuya’s car, the concert having ended a few minutes before. Sakuya tried to keep up with Ryo’s pace, smiling at how cute his boyfriend was. “I’m so glad you had fun, Hirose. I did too!” They made it back to Sakuya’s car, with both of them getting in and sitting in silence for a few minutes. “I’m never going to forget tonight. I love you.” Ryo finally spoke up, giving Sakuya heart eyes.
“I love you. Next time, let’s try a fanmeet. I wanna see you meet Doyoung.” Sakuya grinned, before he finally started the car and began driving, focusing hard on the dark night sky. “I know I already thanked you, but I really am grateful. This was the best night ever.” Ryo closed his eyes and leaned against the back of his seat with a smile, so thankful for his boyfriend.
Sakuya pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex, noticing Ryo had fallen asleep. He smiled and opened Ryo’s door, carrying him out of the car up into his apartment. He rested Ryo down on their now shared bed, kissing the top of his head before going to shower and get ready for bed himself. He entered his room and smiled at a still sleeping Ryo, plugging both their phones in and laying next to him. He wrapped an arm around Ryo and kissed him gently on the head, then the lips. “Sleep well, Hirose. I love you.”
-
They had been dating for six months now. Ryo had gone home a few more times, but other than that, he mostly stayed in Sakuya’s apartment. “Ryo, do you know if you can get a job? It’s getting a bit expensive to be buying both of us groceries all the time. Especially because I want to treat you to things.” Sakkuya was laying on the couch with his legs across Ryo, scrolling through his phone. Ryo pouted at the mention, not warning to have to work. “I can try, but I’ve never worked before. I don’t know if anybody will hire me with no experience.”
Sakuya hummed, nodding. “As long as you try to get one. I don’t mind buying things for you, it just gets pricey, you know?” He set his phone down, giving his full attention to Ryo. Ryo nodded at that, scooting a bit closer to Sakuya so his thighs were resting on Ryo’s legs instead of his knees. He rested a hand on Sakuya’s thigh, drawing small patterns on the bare skin from where Sakuya’s shorts had ridden up. “You’re really pretty, Saku-chan. I love your thighs.” Ryo moved Sakuya’s legs from on top of him so that he could climb in his lap, placing his hands on Sakuya’s chest. “The prettiest in the world.”
Sakuya blushed, placing his hands on Ryo’s waist. “But you’re prettier, Hirose. So gorgeous.” Ryo leaned down and placed a few gentle kisses to Sakuya’s lips, before Sakuya grabbed the back of his neck to hold him there. Their lips slotted together like they were meant for it, before Ryo ran his tongue into Sakuya’s mouth, running their tongues together. This went on for a few more minutes before Ryo finally pulled away for air, gasping heavily. “So pretty, Saku-chan.”
Sakuya’s face was flushed, staring at Ryo with wide eyes. “How are you so good at that? Fuck.” He was panting hard, looking away from Ryo from nervousness. “You like it?” Ryo grinned, kissing Sakuya once more. Sakuya nodded quickly, smiling back at him. “I like you.” It was Ryo’s turn to blush at that, looking away. “I like you so much.” Ryo whispered, laying down on Sakuya’s chest to nuzzle into him.
They both drifted off to sleep and took a short nap, ending up waking up to Sakuya getting a call. He groaned and leaned over as much as he could with Ryo on top of him, checking to see who it was. “It’s my boss. She probably wants me to go in.” He sighed, answering it. His suspicions were correct, having been asked to come in because of short staffing. Ryo huffed in annoyance, rolling off of Sakuya to allow him to go get ready. “I’m sorry, baby. It shouldn’t be that long of a shift, okay? Plus, extra money.”
Ryo nodded sadly, curling into the corner of the couch. He hated when Sakuya had to leave, especially when it wasn’t planned. Sakuya was quick to leave the apartment, blowing a kiss to Ryo as he left. “I love you, I’ll text you when I leave, okay?” He shouted out, exiting the apartment. “Have a good shift.” Ryo mumbled, clearly irritated that Sakuya left. He wished he had not answered the call, or at the very least said he was busy. He crossed his arms and stared at the floor, irritation bubbling in his body. He was mad at Sakuya, mad that he would leave so randomly after they were having such a lovely time together. He was mad that Sakuya put his job before his boyfriend, mad that he seemed so eager to leave Ryo alone.
He decided to watch a movie until he fell asleep, laying across the couch. He woke up startled when Sakuya opened the door a few hours later, looking exhausted and covered in different syrups and coffee. “Hi, Hirose. I’m sorry I was gone. What’d you do while I was at work?” Sakuya walked up to the couch, reaching up to run his hand through Ryo’s hair. Ryo smacked his hand away, glaring at him. “I just slept. You should’ve told them you couldn’t go in. You know I don’t like when you leave when it’s not in the schedule for the week.”
Sakuya’s hands shook a bit when Ryo smacked him away, a frown immediately forming on his face. “I have no choice, Ryo- I need to be reliable or they could end up scheduling me less or firing me. I need to go when they call me in.” He tried to explain, still getting a glare from Ryo. “Whatever. I’m going to our room, please don’t follow me.” Ryo stood up and went to lay in Sakuya’s bed. Sakuya knocked a couple times before coming in, grabbing clothes in silence so he could take a shower.
Sakuya left Ryo to be alone in his own room, and started stress cleaning his apartment. He didn’t know why this made Ryo so upset, or why he retreated to Sakuya’s room as if it was his own. His airpods were blasting in his ears, he was crying while he deep cleaned the kitchen. Everything was cleared off the counters before he crouched to the floor and leaned over to sob, choking on his own tears. He had never been rejected like that by his boyfriend before, he felt like his heart got ripped apart.
Sakuya jumped when Ryo’s hand landed on his shoulder, looking over to see Ryo crouched next to him. Ryo motioned for Sakuya to take out his airpods, looking at him sadly. Sakuya did so and dropped them to his floor, not being able to control how much harder he started crying when he saw Ryo. “Sakuya, please don’t cry. I’m sorry I smacked you away from me, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m sorry if I made you feel guilty.” Ryo’s words were soft, with him keeping eye contact with Sakuya to show he meant his words.
Sakuya shook his head desperately, not knowing why he was saying no. “Don’t hate me, I’m sorry I made you angry.” Sakuya begged, his sobs making his words barely audible. Ryo wrapped his arms around Sakuya, hoping to calm him down. “Just breathe, Saku-chan. It’s okay. I just don’t like when you leave with no warning, but I get that you have to.” Ryo sighed, rubbing a hand up and down Sakuya’s back. Sakuya nodded, still crying out. “I’m really sorry I made you angry. I’ll do anything to make it better.” His voice was hoarse from his crying, wanting nothing more than to sink into the floor and never exist again.
“It’s okay Saku-chan, really. Please calm down and focus on breathing.” Ryo started to panic a bit himself, tears welling in his eyes. It was his fault Sakuya was this distressed, he didn’t know how to help. Sakuya took a few minutes to breathe, his body still shaking. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, slumping fully to the floor. Ryo hushed him, swaying him back and forth. “Let’s go lay down and calm down, okay? Everything’s okay, I’m not angry at you.” He whispered, standing up to help Sakuya stand up. He led him to the bedroom and laid him down, laying next to him. “I love you, Saku-chan.” Ryo cuddled up into his chest as he spoke, whining slightly when Sakuya adjusted. “Can I please lay on you? Just this once?” His voice was quiet, as if he was telling a secret. Realistically, he was just scared to make Ryo angry again.
Ryo huffed, but opened his arm for Sakuya to lay on his chest. Sakuya laid on him carefully, noticing Ryo was annoyed. “I’m sorry, it doesn’t have to be for long. I just want some comfort after my panic attack, if it’s okay?” His voice was shaky, fear clear in his tone. Ryo just hummed, holding Sakuya to his chest. “It’s okay.” He mumbled, yawning. It was later at night by the time all of this was over, and Ryo fell asleep shortly after they started cuddling. Sakuya snuck out of his arms and got shoes on, leaving Ryo in the apartment to go on a walk.
He walked along the river, loving the reflection of the moonlight. He sat at a bench that sat next to the sidewalk, staring into the water. He wondered if Ryo thought he was lying about work, if Ryo thought he was cheating. Maybe that would explain why he got so angry, but he didn’t understand why Ryo didn’t just communicate with him, why he instead made Sakuya out to be a bad boyfriend.
He eventually walked back to his apartment, sneaking in. He was grateful Ryo hadn’t woken up. He grabbed a small glass of water and chugged it, before returning to a sleeping Ryo in bed. He laid next to him, but faced away. He fell asleep that night from crying silently.
The next morning they both acted as if nothing had happened the day prior, spending their morning cooking breakfast together. They made pancakes with eggs and bacon on the side, both of them giddy. Although, Sakuya was still feeling a bit off from the night before. He genuinely didn’t understand why the reaction was so strong, or why Ryo seemed so upset to let Sakuya lay on his chest. “Hirose, I’m done with the pancakes. How long on the eggs and sausage?” Ryo hummed, plating both as he spoke, “both done!” He cheered, handing Sakuya the plates so he could add the pancakes.
They sat together at the island, a slightly awkward silence between them. They both knew they had to talk about prior events, but they were both too scared to bring it up. “This is really good, we did a good job.” Sakuya spoke, his voice a bit quiet. Ryo nodded in agreement, thinking. “We need to talk about yesterday.” He mumbled, setting his fork down. Sakuya sucked in a sharp breath, “yeah.” His voice was shaky, as if he was scared to make Ryo angry like that again. “I’m sorry I made you mad. I can’t change anything, though. If they call me into work, I need to be reliable.” Sakuya took the initiative to speak first, playing with his food as he refused to look at Ryo. “I know, I understand. I feel like I’m still allowed to be upset, though.” Ryo’s voice was a bit deeper, turning to look at Sakuya.
Sakuya nodded carefully, knowing that Ryo being upset about those things meant the anger could happen again. He couldn’t handle it if it did, he was hoping Ryo would figure out how to control it. “Yeah, I understand. I don’t really want to talk about this further. I’m gonna go lay down.” Sakuya left his plate almost full on the counter, leaving Ryo alone in the kitchen. Ryo huffed, going to sit on the couch. He didn’t understand why Sakuya was so upset about the day prior, not seeming to realize how much his behavior affected his boyfriend. He ended up putting a show on the tv and laying down, watching it while he waited for Sakuya to be ready to come back out.
In the meantime, Sakuya cried silently in his room, curled up in a fetal position. He didn’t feel like letting Ryo see him cry again, knowing Ryo was sort of bad at comforting him. He held Ryo’s favorite stuffed animal, Tonton, close to his chest as he cried. He inhaled Ryo’s scent as if it was the only thing keeping him stable. His tears stained the plushie, he felt like a scared kid. He wanted to be alone, he missed his mom. He didn’t know why he was so emotional, he felt like he was overreacting. But Ryo glaring and smacking him away, then leaving him alone after he had a long day, taking over his room, it was all so much for him to process. They had never fought before that, it made him so scared.
He eventually stopped crying, sneaking to the bathroom to wash his face, hoping it wasn’t evident he had cried. He exited and stepped nervously into the living room, smiling at Ryo. “Hi, Hirose. What are you watching?” He sat next to him as if nothing had happened, before he heard the keypad on the door, his head whipping to the door. “Shit. Ryo, help me clean up please.” He stood up and rushed to the kitchen, panic cleaning as his mom walked into the apartment.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Sakuya, it looks like shit in here. I want Ryo gone until it’s clean and I leave again.” Her voice was full of disgust, as if he never cleaned the apartment. “I come home for the first time in months and you’ve left it a fucking disaster. Take him home after you clean up your breakfast mess.” Sakuya’s eyes filled with tears and he nodded and bowed, “yes, Okaasan.” His voice was quiet, realizing very quickly why he should not miss his mom.
Him and Ryo quietly left the apartment, gathering just a basic bag of Ryo’s things so he could return home. The silence in the car was deafening until Sakuya spoke up. “I’m sorry I have to take you home.” He sounded hurt, but Ryo knew it was most likely because he had to deal with his mom. “It’s okay, Saku-chan, it’s not your fault.” Ryo reached out to hold Sakuya’s hand, brushing his thumb over the back of it.
Sakuya dropped Ryo off at the front of his house, giving him a gentle kiss before he exited the car. “Good luck in there, baby. I love you.” Sakuya whispered, giving a small, fake smile. “Good luck at home. I hope your mom leaves again soon.” Ryo walked slowly to his front door, scared to enter his house.
Ryo snuck to his room silently when he entered his house, closing and locking his door. He laid carefully on his bed, as if any noise he made would alert everyone in the house. He texted Sakuya a small I love you, before locking his phone, closing his eyes to try and force himself to sleep. He was too alert in his house, too aware that anyone could realize he’s home at any moment. He laid restlessly against his bed, before he finally drifted off to a nervous, nightmare filled rest.
Sakuya drove back slowly in complete silence. His heart raced at the fear of facing his mother, his hands shaking against the wheel. He drove slower than he usually did, trying to get home as late as he could. He prayed she would leave again soon, that he could have his Ryo back in his arms soon. He tried not to cry as he pulled back into his apartment complex, walking nervously up the stairs to his apartment.
He opened the door and bowed at his mom, before he silently started cleaning. He knew his mom didn’t want him to talk when she was in one of these moods, so he made sure to not say a word. He spent 3 hours deep cleaning the apartment, going to his mom once he was done. “Is this good, Okaasan?” She hummed and nodded, “I’m leaving again in the morning.” She went to her room without another word, leaving Sakuya behind. He went to hide in his room and burst into tears, gripping a pillow like it was his lifeline. He sobbed into the pillow, wishing his mom would just leave now, that she never came home. He felt so guilty having to leave Ryo at his own house, knowing how bad his situation was. He eventually cried himself to sleep, having nightmares about what could be happening to Ryo.
Sakuya showed up to pick Ryo up after a short call the moment his mom left, waiting nervously outside of his house. Ryo basically ran out the door to his car, buckling quickly. He threw three extra bags of items into the backseat, tears streaming down his face. “Drive, please, as fast as you can.” He begged while sobbing, refusing to look at Sakuya.
Sakuya was quick to drive out of the neighborhood, looking at Ryo sadly. “Baby, what happened?” He questioned as they drove to Sakuya’s apartment, reaching to hold Ryo’s hand in a comforting grip. Ryo let out a sob before speaking, “she hit me. Really hard.” His voice sounded broken, like everything was just ruined. “She found out I was home right as I was leaving and punched me, called me a faggot, and she said I’m never welcome in her house again.” He paused, “I need to stay with you Saku-chan. If we think your mom is home I’ll hide in your room, I can’t go back there. She’ll kill me.”
Sakuya’s breath hitched, nodding sadly. “I’m so sorry I sent you home, Ryo. I didn’t want to, I promise.” Guilt flooded his brain, making him feel nauseous. “Saku-chan, it’s not your fault your mom sucks, too.” Ryo squeezed Sakuya’s hand once to show him he wasn’t mad at him, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to the back of Sakuya’s hand. “I love you, Ryo.” Sakuya pulled into his apartment parking lot, helping Ryo take his bags from the car upstairs. Ryo put in the code for the front door, thanking Sakuya for bringing in his bags.
“Come here, my love. Let me see your face.” Sakuya sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him, inviting Ryo to sit with him. He tiled Ryo’s jaw to make him look at him, frowning when he noticed a black eye forming. “Oh, baby. We need to ice it.” He stood up to grab a bag of frozen peas from the freezer, handing it to Ryo. Ryo bowed to thank him, laying back on the couch. He set the bag on his eye and flinched at the pressure. “Here, baby. Do you wanna put on music? I’m gonna call out of work today.” He got Ryo’s phone out of his pocket for him, handing it while he walked off to call work and let them know he had an emergency.
Ryo put on his NCT playlist and stared at the ceiling, wondering what he was supposed to do now. He had to leave several of his things behind, he wanted to disappear. Sakuya returned and moved Ryo’s legs so he could sit under them, running a hand along Ryo’s calf to soothe him. “Thank you, Saku-chan. For everything. I love you so much.” Ryo’s voice was soft, wavering. Sakuya hummed, squeezing Ryo’s leg three times, meaning I love you.
“You don’t need to thank me. I love you so much, you deserve to feel safe with me.” Sakuya whispered. He ran his hand up to Ryo’s knee, rubbing the skin just under his shorts gently with his thumb. Ryo shivered at the contact, moving his leg a bit. “Tickles.” He giggled, causing Sakuya to remove his hand. “Sorry, Hirose.” Sakuya’s voice was always so gentle with him, as if Ryo was the most delicate flower in the world.
They spent the next hour sitting in silence, both of them stuck in their thoughts. Sakuya was thinking about the previous night with his mom, and Ryo was stuck thinking about how nervous he was to be living secretly with Sakuya. “I need to go shower, Sakuya. Can- can you come shower with me? I’m really anxious from this morning, I don’t wanna be alone.” Ryo was nervous to ask, but he really needed his boyfriend with him. He removed the peas from his face and stood up to return them to the freezer, looking hopefully at Sakuya after he closed the freezer door. “Yeah, of course. Go grab some clothes for us and I’ll meet you in there.” Sakuya went to the bathroom to turn the shower on, stripping down and placing his clothes in the laundry basket.
They both stepped into the shower, Sakuya allowing his eyes to drift over Ryo/’s torso while he cleaned his hair. “You’re so beautiful, Hirose.” He whispered, reaching forward to hold Ryo’s waist. “I’m so in love with you.” He inched closer, causing Ryo to stare at Sakuya with wide eyes. “I really love you too, Saku-chan.” His voice was shaky, nervous with how Sakuya was staring him down.
Sakuya placed his free hand on Ryo’s cheek, looking down to his lips. “Can I kiss you?” His question was gentle, giving so much room for Ryo to dismiss him. Ryo instead nodded, tilting his head and closing his eyes. Sakuya leaned down and captured Ryo’s lips into his own, making a small noise into Ryo’s mouth. Their lips moved together, inexperienced in how they moved together, but still as if they were made for each other. Sakuya slotted his tongue into Ryo’s mouth, causing Ryo to whine while their tongues danced together. They finally pulled away for air, the both of them panting. “I love you.” Ryo whispered, “I have to finish my hair.” He giggled, smiling at Sakuya when he stepped back to give Ryo room. “Sorry. I got carried away.”
They finished showering, each of them doing each other’s hair after they were dried and clothed again. Ryo wore Sakuya’s boxers and one of his oversized shirts. He looked like he was drowning in it, looking like he was wearing a short dress. Sakuya giggled at that, thinking he looked perfect.
-
This became a habit of Ryo’s. Everytime he needed to shower, he begged Sakuya to shower with him. He’d say he was anxious for one reason or another, needing Sakuya to be with him. Sakuya was getting tired of it. He cherished those few moments he got alone, even if it was just to shower. “Ryo, I want to shower alone today.” He spoke when Ryo begged him to come shower with him again. This caused Ryo to pout and huff, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to be alone, Sakuya. You’re being selfish.”
Sakuya looked at him with irritation clear in his face, rolling his eyes. “Ryo, I’m always doing things with you. I just want to shower alone one time. I’m doing that.” He groaned in frustration, leaving Ryo in his room so he could go shower. Ryo crossed his arms and fell back into the bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t understand why Sakuya was being so selfish to leave him alone, when all he wanted was more time with Sakuya. He glared at Sakuya when he returned from the bathroom, turning to face away from him.
“Ryo, don’t be like that, come on.” Sakuya climbed into the bed next to Ryo, trying to wrap his arm around his waist. Ryo pushed his arm away, standing up. “Leave me alone. Since you don’t wanna be with me that badly.” He walked to the living room, leaving Sakuya alone in his room. Sakuya stared at the door as Ryo closed it loudly behind him, flinching at the loud noise. Sakuya couldn’t get himself to move from staring at the door for several minutes, tears dripping down his face despite him not noticing they were there.
Ryo told him he wouldn’t push him away again, he apologized so much that one day just for him to do it again just because Sakuya wanted to be alone for 30 minutes. He finally removed his gaze from the door, staring at his lap instead. His vision was blurry, he felt like he was going to throw up. His hands were shaking, he felt like he couldn’t control his body. He slumped over and held his head in his hans, sobbing and gripping his hair.
Ryo slumped on the couch, angry at Sakuya for being selfish. He felt like Sakuya only cared about wanting to be alone sometimes, and not the fact Ryo needed him with him. He was anxious about doing things alone, Sakuya knew that. Sakuya knew that he needed help showering, that he needed help cooking and eating. So why did he tell Ryo he had to shower alone? He simply didn’t understand.
Ryo heard Sakuya crying, and huffed out. Was Sakuya seriously going to react like this every time he messed up with Ryo? He didn’t even want to go check on him. He was annoyed that Sakuya seemed to play the victim every single time something happened between them.
Sakuya needed nothing more than to be comforted, to be held and told it would be okay. All he wanted was to be alone for just 30 minutes, yet he was here sobbing and scared Ryo hated him just because of it. He slid to the floor with a thud, punching the floor beside him. He jumped when he heard his bedroom door open, hiding his face in his knees to avoid looking at Ryo. Ryo crouched down next to him, resting his hand on Sakuya’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry I got mad at you. Please don’t hurt yourself.” His voice was quiet, trying hard to hide his annoyance. Sakuya shook his head, flinching away from his touch.
“Saku-chan, please look at me. I don’t like that you cry and react like this everytime I’m mad at you. It makes me feel like you don’t care that you hurt me.” His tone was clearly upset, not seeming to care to wait to say this until Sakuya had calmed down. “Ryo, I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me, please. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The panic was clear in Sakuya’s voice, tugging at his hair again. “I just wanted to be alone for 30 minutes. It wasn’t anything more than that.”
Ryo huffed, but wrapped his arms around Sakuya to calm him down. “Just breathe, Sakuya. You’re okay.” His voice was quiet in his ear, wanting to calm him down so they could at least just lay together. Sakuya grabbed onto one of Ryo’s arms and tried to focus on breathing, taking in deep, shaky breaths. “I’m sorry.” He whispered as he breathed out, gripping Ryo’s arm like a lifeline.
“Let’s go lay down, okay? You’re gonna be okay.” Ryo stood up and helped Sakuya to the bed, laying on his chest. “Go to sleep, Saku-chan. It’s okay.” He whispered, not wanting to have to deal with Sakuya’s breakdown any longer. He rested his own eyes and Sakuya silently cried himself to sleep, Ryo falling asleep shortly after him.
-
Ryo had gotten much touchier. He had to be touching Sakuya at every moment or he would complain and complain. He needed to be hugging him, holding his arm or hand, or sometimes just laying on top of his at all times. Sakuya was getting sick of being touched, wanting his personal space to be respected. All they did was cuddle, touch, kiss, or argue. He was so tired of it. He had given up on bringing things up to Ryo, because all it did was lead to an argument. So instead of starting another issue, he chose to endure it. He tried to, at least. He really did try.
It was clear to Ryo that he was just enduring it, though. And he felt like Sakuya didn’t like him anymore. “Saku-chan, can I talk to you?” Ryo was being spooned by Sakuya’s loose arm, pressed against his front. He turned to face him, looking up at his pretty face. “Do you not like me anymore? I want you to be honest.” His voice was a bit shaky, nervous for Sakuya’s answer. “What?” Sakuya was confused as to why he would ask that. He did nothing but deal with everything for Ryo, he did everything he could to keep Ryo happy.
“You seem like you hate touching me recently. What did I do wrong?” Ryo sounded sad, not realizing that he made Sakuya sick of touch by his own actions. “No, Hirose. That’s not it at all. I guess I’m just tired lately, I’m sorry.” Sakuya tried hard to keep an argument from starting, trying to keep the peace as much as he could. He held Ryo’s waist, as if to prove him words were true, feeling so tired of having to hold him all of the time. “Okay, Saku-chan. Maybe you should stay home from work more, maybe cut your schedule a little?” Sakuya shook his head, because he actually had requested more shifts, wanting to get time away from Ryo. “No, I’m okay. Promise.”
Ryo hummed, but he seemed to accept the answer, cuddling into Sakuya. “Can we kiss?” He looked up at him, a small smile on his face. “Just one kiss right now, I’m tired.” Sakuya gave Ryo a gentle peck, humming against his lips. “I love you, I think I need a nap.” He mumbled, holding Ryo close to him. Ryo pouted, but said nothing more, deciding to nap with him. Sakuya waited for Ryo to be asleep before he snuck out of the bed, getting ready as quiet as he could to go on a walk.
He ended up at a park, sitting crisscrossed by a tree. He stared at the sky and thought, wondering how worth it it was to stay with Ryo. He tried to shake that thought out of his head, but it didn’t seem to go away no matter how hard he tried to get it to leave. He walked around the park a bit, before realizing he had lost an hour of time, praying Ryo hadn’t woke up and noticed he was gone. He practically ran back to his apartment, panic settling deep in his chest. He made it back before Ryo woke up, changing back into the clothes he was wearing before and laid down in the bed. He grabbed his phone and pretended he had been scrolling, just in time for Ryo to wake up.
“Sakuya… come hold me?” Ryo’s voice was deep, raspy. Sakuya hated this, that every minute not spent at work was filled with being touched. He wrapped his arms around Ryo anyways, nuzzling into his neck. “You sleep okay?” Sakuya deepened his voice a bit to make it seem like he had slept, kissing the skin on Ryo’s neck gently. Ryo hummed, nodding. He whimpered a bit at the kiss on his neck, smiling. “Do you wanna play a game today? Like Mario Kart?” Sakuya asked, silently praying Ryo would say yes. Ryo nodded, smiling. “Of course I do.”
Sakuya was grateful he would get some time without touch.
-
“Saku-chan, will you come to the bathroom with me? I’m nervous.” Sakuya sighed at Ryo’s words, nodding. He followed him to the bathroom and stood in the corner while Ryo did his business, staring into the mirror. He thought he looked a little tired lately, unsure why. Ryo finished up and dragged Sakuya out of the bathroom, plopping on his bed. “Can we cuddle?” He opened his arms, wanting to lay on Sakuya. Sakuya hummed, shaking his head. “Ryo, we’ve been cuddling all day. I want to go do something. It’s suffocating to stay in here all the time.” Sakuya complained, refusing to sit on the bed. Ryo huffed and pouted, “where do you wanna go?”
“Oh! We can go on a walk and get some boba?” He thought of the idea, already searching his closet for an outfit. Ryo nodded sadly and got up to get ready, putting on his own shorts and one of Sakuya’s shirts. “Do you know how long it will take?” Sakuya scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It doesn’t matter, I wanna do something fun for a bit. Just calm down.” He finished getting dressed and went to the bathroom to fix up his hair and put on some makeup.
Ryo followed him closely behind, doing the same things. “Why do you get so annoyed that I want to spend time with you?” Ryo questioned him, as if his idea of ‘spending time together’ was bedrotting and watching youtube all day. Sakuya looked at him with confusion plastered all over his face, pausing his makeup to stare for a moment. “Hirose, we’re still spending time together? Being together doesn’t just mean laying together and cuddling. It means going places and doing things together, too.” Sakuya explained, genuinely confused as to why Ryo would ask him that.
Ryo pouted, finishing doing his makeup while Sakuya did his own. “But we aren’t close to each other when we do those things. I like laying with you and feeling your heartbeat and your hand in my hair.” He complained, turning to face Sakuya fully. “It just feels like you don’t care about my love language.” Sakuya scoffed at that, throwing his eyeliner down and staring at Ryo. “You act like that isn’t all we fucking do? All we do is what you want. We watch what you want to watch, we’re always laying down and cuddling. Hell, I can barely even check my phone without you getting pissed off that I’m not putting all of my attention on you at all time.” Sakuya sucked in a sharp breath, “you cant do anything alone. You can’t eat alone, shower alone, even go to the fucking bathroom without me. You’re codependent, Ryo.” He felt tears well in his eyes, “whatever. Just stay here, I’ll go by myself. I need time from you for a couple hours anyways.” He walked out of the bathroom angrily, grabbing his phone and wallet and slammed the front door behind him as he exited, walking down out of the apartments to take a walk.
Ryo burst into tears the second Sakuya left, falling to the floor as he cried. He felt like he just got stabbed. Did Sakuya secretly hate being around him? Was he just letting Ryo stay with him because he felt bad about his family? His thoughts ran wild with why Sakuya would say something like that, causing him to hyperventilate further. He reached for his phone and desperately called Sakuya. He needed him to come back.
“What, Ryo? I told you I’m go-” He cut himself when he realized Ryo was sobbing, pausing in his steps. “Need you, please come back. I’m sorry I made you angry. Please don’t leave.” Ryo begged over the phone through sobs, clutching at his stomach. He felt nauseous, Sakuya had never yelled at him like that before. He wanted to die. “Okay, I’m on my way.” Sakuya hung up the phone and jogged back to his apartment, frustration filling his brain again. He could never leave to get air, he could never do anything alone. He felt suffocated. He unlocked the door and threw his shoes off, running to find a disheveled Ryo on the floor of the bathroom.
“Ryo, I’m sorry. Please calm down, I can’t help you if you don’t try to breathe.” Sakuya started to panic a little bit, not knowing how to help in this while he was already frustrated. “I’m sorry, Saku-chan. I’m really sorry I made you angry. Please don’t break up with me.” Ryo begged, grabbing onto Sakuya’s sleeve desperately to keep himself grounded. “Hirose, you’re okay. I’m not angry, please try to breathe.” Sakuya was crouched to the floor next to him, his heart racing seeing what he caused in Ryo. He felt a feeling of guilt well up in his stomach, suddenly feeling extremely nauseous. “Ryo, please.” He ran his hands through Ryo’s hair, pulled him into a hug, anything that could calm him down.
Ryo took a few minutes before he finally stopped sobbing, his body shaking while he clinged onto Sakuya desperately. “I’m sorry, Hirose. I won’t get angry at you like that again.” Sakuya whispered, his hands shaking hard. He felt so panicked, wanting nothing more than to curl into a ball and cry. He wanted his mom’s comfort. He hated these things with Ryo, and they seemed to do nothing except for get more frequent. “I’m sorry, Saku-chan…” Ryo whispered, before pulling away from the hug. “I- I know it’s what you were angry about, but please cuddle with me. I really need it. And- you were the one who got so angry and yelled, I feel like I deserve to get taken care of.”
Sakuya just listened, going to the bed with Ryo to cuddle with him to let him sleep. The moment Ryo passed out from his crying, he snuck out of the bed, leaving the apartment to walk to his friend Riku’s house. He needed advice, badly. He called Riku to let him know he needed to come over, being welcomed at the door the moment he arrived.
“Saku-chan, are you okay? Where’s Ryo?” Riku started speaking before Sakuya collapsed on him, sobbing hard. “We got into a bad fight. I think I hurt him.” Sakuya’s words were shaky, small cries coming out with each word he spoke. “I basically told him he’s too much. That all we do is what he wants, that he cuddles too much, we don’t go out enough. I told him he’s codependent. I left to walk and he called me sobbing.” Riku held him tightly, rubbing a hand up and down his back. “Come sit with me.” Riku led him to the couch, setting him down carefully.
“Sakuya, tell me what led to the fight.” Riku noticed immediately that something was up with Ryo. Sakuya wouldn’t have an outburst like that if there wasn’t, and that made Riku extremely nervous about the nature of their relationship. This, along with the fact that Riku hadn’t seen Sakuya in months. Sakuya looked at Riku with tear-filled eyes, his body shaking hard. “I- well, he doesn’t like to be alone. Sometimes he has me stay home from work because he’s scared to be alone.” Sakuya paused for a moment, “he won’t eat alone or even cook. He doesn’t even go to the bathroom alone, Riku-san.”
Riku took in a deep breath, he knew something had been going on. “Sakuya-kun, that’s not… okay of him. That’s extremely unhealthy. Have you been feeling extra stressed and on edge?” He got a nod from the younger boy, before he sighed. “Sakuya, you need to talk to him without yelling about this. If he doesn’t listen, I don’t know how worth it it is to stay with him.” Riku tested the waters, not wanting to just tell Sakuya to leave.
“No! I can’t leave him, Riku-san. I’ll talk to him, it’ll be fixed. Maybe it’s my fault, anyways.” Sakuya took in a deep, shaky breath. “He has nowhere to go if I leave him.” He scratched at the skin on his arm, before his hand was gently taken from his arm by Riku. “Sakuya-kun, if that’s why you’re staying, then it really isn’t worth it. He’s hurting you, you’re exhausted. I can see it in your face. You look like you haven’t slept well in months.” Riku’s voice was full of worry, he wanted nothing more than to get Sakuya out of there. “Can you tell me anything else that’s been hurting you?”
“We argue all of the time. And when we don’t argue, all we do is touch. He’s always clinging to me, and he noticed I’ve been getting so tired of touch and he asked if I love him.” Sakuya hadn’t told anybody any of this before, he felt like he was making things up. Riku sucked in a sharp breath, “Sakuya. You were right, he is codependent. You don’t deserve to deal with this. If he doesn’t fix it, please come back to me. If I don’t hear from you for months again, I’m coming to you.”
“I’m scared, Riku-san.” Sakuya admitted, with all of these feelings coming out for the first time. “I’m scared that he’s hurting me and I can’t leave him. I don’t even know if I love him anymore.” His voice was quiet, admitting something that he never thought he could say. Riku stayed silent, letting Sakuya pour his heart out, wanting him to be comfortable. “I feel like since he got kicked out, it's gotten twenty times worse. I don’t know if I can handle it.” His voice shook, tears beginning to drip down his cheeks. Riku went to hold Sakuya’s hand, but pulled back. He remembered how Sakuya said he was tired of being touched, and he wanted to respect him.
“I think if you ever have these thoughts about a partner, it’s not worth it to stay.” Riku had experience with dating, he had dated a boy from Korea named Sion, and they broke up not too long before this. Sakuya knew he should trust Riku’s advice. Sakuya was about to speak before his phone buzzed in his pocket, causing him to still. He fished it out and saw it was Ryo, looking at Riku with wide eyes before he answered. “Hi, Hirose. What’s up?”
“Where did you go? You left me alone and didn’t even tell me.” Ryo sounded angry, causing Sakuya to flinch. “I’m at a friend’s house. He needed to talk to me about something important, so I came over. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know.” Sakuya answered with a wavering voice, looking at Riku with fear in his face. Riku frowned at him, mouthing “tell him you need to go.” Sakuya nodded, “Hirose, I really need to go. I’ll be home soon, just wait for me. I love you.” He hung up after that, not giving Ryo a chance to answer.
“You need to leave him, Sakuya-kun.” Riku stated, standing up to grab Sakuya a glass of water. “Hearing just that conversation made me feel sick. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around him just because you needed to go somewhere.” Riku handed him the water, watching sadly as he chugged it. Sakuya set the glass down and wiped his hands on his thighs, anxiety overtaking him. “He won’t have anywhere to go, except maybe his older brother’s house.”
Riku sighed, knowing how hard this was. “That would be his issue to deal with. He’s hurting you, Saku.” Sakuya started crying at the confirmation of what he had been thinking for months. He wanted to crawl into a hole and die there. “Okay. I’m gonna talk to him.” He stood up, “Thank you, Riku-san.” He gave him a hug before leaving, walking slowly back to his apartment. He was so scared.
He made sure to not be crying when he entered his apartment, staring at Ryo who sat on the couch. Before Ryo could even get a chance to speak, Sakuya spoke up. “I need to talk to you.” His voice was fearful, like everything was crumbling. But he needed to do this now, or else he knew he would never do it. Sakuya sat on the couch next to Ryo, his hands shaking. He refused to make eye contact, staring at his lap. “I think we should break up.” Ryo gasped, tears immediately filling his eyes, he couldn’t believe what he just heard. “Sakuya, please rethink this. We can get therapy, I know we argue a lot but I promise I’ll fix whatever I need to.” Ryo begged, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t live without you, Sakuya.”
“Then you either die or learn how to. I can’t do this anymore.” The words slipped out of Sakuya’s lips before he could think, causing Ryo to cry harder. “This is your friend’s fault, isn’t it? Have you been cheating on me this whole time?” Ryo panicked, not understanding any reason why Sakuya could have decided this. “You think I would ever have time to cheat?” Sakuya finally looked at him, “I’m suffocated by you. I can’t do anything but whatever you need. I have to tend to your codependency or risk you yelling at me, telling me I’m a terrible boyfriend.” He sucked in a sharp breath, “find someone to move in with. I’m done, Hirose.”
Ryo felt like his world just fell to pieces, he didn’t feel like this was real. He couldn’t breathe, standing up shakily. He fished out his phone to call his brother, Yushi. He told him they broke up, that he needed somewhere to stay since he wasn’t welcome back at his mom’s house. Sakuya cried silently on the couch, curled into himself. He hated himself for this decision, he hurt Ryo and he couldn’t take it back.
Ryo started to pack his things into bags, sneaking one of Sakuya’s shirts into one. He felt sick, like this was all a nightmare. He wanted to wake up, lying with Sakuya. He wanted things to be fixed. He was so angry at himself, never realizing how codependent he was until it ruined everything. Sakuya came in to help him pack, “Do- do you have a ride or do I need to drive you?” His voice was quiet, sad. He stared at Tonton on the bed and cried a little harder. He wished he had just endured everything.
“I have a ride. He’ll be here soon.” Ryo’s voice was barely audible, tears dripping onto his things as he packed them. “I’m sorry I hurt you so badly. I’m sorry I relied on you so much. I hope you feel better without me, because I don’t think I will.” Ryo sobbed out, finishing putting all of his things together.
Sakuya’s breath hitched at that sentence, causing him to sob harder. “I’m sorry.” He whispered before Ryo went to the door, slipping his shoes on. “I need help bringing my things downstairs, please.” Sakuya nodded and slipped his shoes on before grabbing multiple of Ryo’s bags, helping bring them to Yushi’s car. They waved goodbye to each other before Yushi drove away, bringing Ryo straight to his apartment.
Sakuya suddenly felt like a weight was lifted off of his chest, all of Ryo’s things vanishing from his apartment as if they were never there. He felt free. He immediately texted Riku shortly after I broke up with him. He’s gone. Before plopping on his back on his bed. He sobbed for hours. As free as he felt, that was still the person he committed over a year to, and he felt like he just lost the biggest part of his life.
Sakuya knew he would heal.