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Neji was training with Hiashi, and they had been going for quite some time. The clan head was really intent on pushing Neji today, every small mistake Neji made was ruthlessly corrected, and then they started again. Neji was smiling, not from pride or arrogance, but because this was how he got better.
Neji landed hard on his back, the wind knocked out of him momentarily. Hiashi was standing a few feet away, observing him with an expectant gaze.
“Up, Neji. We will repeat the maneuver, but pay closer attention to my stance this time. You must anticipate the strike before it connects, allowing you to redirect that force back toward your opponent,” Hiashi directed, and Neji pushed himself up on shaking arms. Every muscle in his body was screaming, but he forced them into motion. He stood, swaying slightly, and got into the correct stance. Hiashi nodded, and came at him.
Later, as Neji wrapped the scrapes he had gained through the training session, he would feel a satisfying, bone deep exhaustion. The only way to improve was by pushing past the pain, Neji reminded himself, as he steadily bandaged his aching ribs. He took a few deep breaths, and it wasn’t too painful, so he would be fine for training tomorrow with Team Guy.
Neji was, unfortunately, unable to sleep easily that night. The minor injuries he had were irritating him, so he quietly left his quarters and headed for the outdoor training grounds. He wasn’t going to train- he was tired enough, and did not want to exhaust himself- but the fresh air, the quiet sound of bugs, was peaceful. Neji sat on one of the steps, looking up at the night sky, contemplating how long he should stay outside for. Too long, and even falling asleep won’t be enough for him to be well rested, but not enough time for his mind and body to reset, and he’d be back at square one.
Neji sighed softly, fiddling with the bandages covering his arms. Hiashi had not gone easy on him today, not that he ever really did but… It just made Neji think how much stronger he needed to be. He was still so weak. His hands curled into fists, and he looked up at the moon, his lip caught between his teeth. He’ll train ever harder, more than he already does, and he’ll stop being weak. He’ll get stronger, strong enough to be worthy of something beyond dying for the protection of the main household.
Neji stood, creeping back through the streets of the compound and settling back into bed. Over the course of the next week, Neji kept his promise to himself. He pushed harder in training, though he was careful not to overdo it around Guy-sensei. For all Guy-sensei was about pushing yourself, and youthful vigour, he watched them all for signs of exhaustion like a hawk. Tenten claims that it’s because of his rivalry with Kakashi, but Neji doesn’t really understand how they connect.
He trained with his team like normal, but once they finished for the day, Neji would leave for a short time and then return. He was training as much as he could on his own, and then when Hiashi had a spare moment, Neji was pushing himself even further with him. Unlike Guy-sensei, Hiashi wanted Neji exhausted, and to push through it. Neji ended each training session with more bruises, as Hiashi ramped up the difficulty with every success Neji had. Every hard training session had Neji more determined though. He would be better.
The next week began, and Neji continued to amp up his training. Hiashi had praised him in the last session of the previous week, acknowledging how much effort Neji had put into training recently. It was a high Neji had not yet come down from. He had practically his whole body bandaged at this point, but it was necessary- both to prevent further injury, and to help the current bruises, scrapes, and cuts, decorating his skin heal.
He had taken them off that morning, after training his Hiashi, to redo them before training with Team Guy. He ended up getting caught in a conversation with Hinata, and was running slightly late, so he brought them with him when he arrived at the training field. His team was already there, and as Neji apologized for being late, he could feel the three sets of eyes staring at his decorated skin.
“I just need to rewrap my bandages, and I’ll be fine.” Neji told Guy-sensei, though he didn’t receive an acknowledgement. Neji furrowed his brow, snapping a finger to break his teammates and sensei out of their stupor.
“Neji! What happened?!” Lee shouted, overlapping with Guy-sensei and Tenten echoing similar sentiments. Neji blinked, trying to discern why they were all having such an extreme reaction. Lee and Guy-sensei had tears in their eyes, and Tenten was giving him an uncomfortably intense look.
“Training.” Neji answered, starting to wrap his fingers. He wouldn’t be able to do his ribs again, but they were hardly hurting at all anymore, so he wasn’t too concerned about it either way. “Why?”
“Because you are hurt!” Lee exclaimed, pointing to the rough condition of Neji’s visible skin on his arms and legs. Guy-sensei nodded, placing a hand on Neji’s shoulder that Neji had to stop himself from shrugging off.
“You can watch training with me today, Neji. I think you should let yourself heal a little bit before jumping back into more training.” Guy-sensei insisted, and though his look was one of joy, Neji could hear the undercurrent of worry in his voice.
“It won’t affect my training. Can’t you see that Lord Hiashi would never actually hurt me? They’re all minor injuries.” Neji replied, frowning at his sensei. “I’m perfectly fine to train.”
Guy’s expression shifted, the usual brightness of his face faltering. The wide smile remained fixed, yet the warmth behind entirely disappeared, leaving Neji feeling exposed under the collective scrutiny of his team. He focused on the task at hand, his fingers working with clinical precision as he wound a fresh bandage around his wrist, ensuring the joint was secured before he looked up back at Guy-sensei.
“Neji,” Guy began, his voice level, “when was the last time you allowed yourself a day of rest?”
Neji paused, his brow furrowing as he struggled to see the relevance of the inquiry. He had sparred with Hiashi just that morning, and Team Guy had been active yesterday, before that, there had been a mission, and the day prior, another grueling session with the clan head. As he mentally flipped through his recent schedule, the realization set in. Neji could not recall a period of twenty-four hours that hadn’t been dedicated to his recent pursuit of perfection in the past week… or maybe more?
“I am unsure,” Neji admitted, his voice tight, as he tried to think back, but all the days of training and missions more or less blurred together, due to their relative unimportance.
“Try to remember.” Guy-sensei encouraged, his smile softening on the edges, but it looked less like kindness and more like pity.
“I relaxed for a few hours last night,” Neji offered, though it felt like a weak defense against the allegations being made towards him.
“That isn’t what I asked, Neji.” Guy-sensei said quietly, and Neji felt his shoulders tense, hackles raised.
“It’s the answer I have.” he countered, his irritation beginning to flare. The words were sharper than he had intended, and he immediately regretted the outburst, but he couldn’t fathom why Guy was being so persistent about a non-issue. He was a shinobi; he knew his limits. These marks- the blooming purples and yellows across his skin- were merely the price of progress. They were superficial, a collection of scrapes and bruises that did nothing to hinder his ability to perform his duties. In fact, they encouraged him to try harder.
Neji’s eyes darted between Tenten and Lee, then back to their sensei, their silent judgment making his skin itch. He wished he had stayed silent, continuing his bandaging rather than opening himself up to this interrogation.
“Neji…” Guy-sensei said softly after several seconds had passed. Neji stiffened, his jaw tightening, because what did Guy-sensei know? Neji knew his own life, and he knew that until he became Chūnin, he would have to work hard to improve.
“Neji… can’t you see that he’s hurting you?!” Lee interjected, and Neji paused, tilting his head to consider the question. Neji’s mind stalled as he tried to reconcile Lee’s words with his own reality. Lord Hiashi was the head of his clan, his uncle, and a man who had shown him more personal attention in recent months than Neji had received in his entire life. He was a rigorous teacher who demanded nothing less than excellence, but that was the nature of the Hyuga clan. Hiashi wasn’t causing him harm; he was refining him. To Neji, the bruises were proof of investment, a sign that his uncle believed he was a vessel worthy of being filled with the clan’s most guarded secrets.
“Lord Hiashi would never hurt me,” Neji insisted, his voice flat. His patience for this conversation was long gone, and he was becoming irrationally irritated.
“Your body is covered in injuries, Neji.” Tenten retorted, her voice as sharp as his.
“They are from training,” Neji snapped back.
“You are swaying where you stand!” Lee added, reaching out a hand to steady Neji, though he stopped when Neji shot him a dark glare.
“I am standing just fine.” Neji insisted, though internally he was trying to figure out if he was swaying or not. Surely no?
“You look like you haven’t slept in a week.” Tenten added, glowering at him. “You’re at your breaking point, Neji.”
“I am training.” Neji hissed, and then froze. He hadn’t meant to- He wasn’t trying to be mean, they just didn’t understand. For how hard they all worked, none of them would ever be a Hyuga. He looked at Guy-sensei, and the expression he found there made him sick to his stomach. It wasn’t the sting of disappointment or the heat of anger; it was sadness. Neji had no defense against pity. It always made him feel small, powerless, as if everyone else was privy to a fundamental truth that he was too blind to see.
“He is training me,” Neji repeated, his voice losing its edge, as if repetition could make Guy understand. “It isn't the same thing. Lord Hiashi wouldn’t hurt me like… like that.”
“Why isn't it?” Guy-sensei asked, his brows furrowed. Neji blinked back, stunned, because the logic was simple to him. Training was a crucible, it was meant to be agonizing because growth required the burning away of weakness, and there was no honor in stopping simply because the body complained. Hiashi was offering him a path to power that Neji had once thought forever barred to the branch family. Every correction, every strike that left him gasping on the floor, was a testament to his potential. It meant he was being seen, and opened the door to the hope that if he could just endure a little more, he could finally transcend the limitations of his birth.
“Because I have to be stronger,” Neji said, but the words sounded unsure even to his own ears. “He believes I can be. Stronger.” Neji braced for a lecture, watching as Guy-sensei’s face shifted into an unreadable expression. Guy-sensei stepped forward, giving Neji ample time to retreat, before resting a heavy, warm hand on his shoulder for the second time that morning. The contact was so gentle it was jarring, and Neji found himself confused by it, a strange tightness forming in his throat that he couldn’t explain.
“Listen to me, Neji,” Guy said, his voice thick with emotion. “Just because someone believes in your strength doesn't give them the right to destroy you to unlock it.”
“He isn't destroying me.”Neji insisted, as he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. Guy looked down at the bandages covering Neji’s arms, then met Neji’s eyes.
“I don’t know if you ever learned the difference between growth and destruction.” Guy-sensei responded, though not unkindly.
Neji wanted to scream that Guy was wrong, but every logical defense felt hollow. Hiashi had never suggested a break, but then again, Neji had never dared to ask for one. He hadn’t even considered that asking was an option. The standard had always been to push until the body failed, and then to find the will to push further. To do anything less was to accept mediocrity, to remain the caged bird he had always been.
“Training is meant to build you up,” Guy added softly. “Not to convince you that your own pain is irrelevant.”
Neji looked away, his gaze falling to the grass.
The ache in his chest was a dull, constant throb, his limbs felt like lead, and the various scabs covering his limbs itched. He had carried these sensations like a badge of honor, never once viewing them as a reason to falter. Neji was a tool of the clan, and tools didn’t complain about how worn down they were.
“I don't… I don't know when I’m supposed to stop,” Neji confessed, the admission so faint he wondered if it had even left his lips. There was no derision for his lack of self-awareness, as Neji had expected. Instead, Guy’s grip on his shoulder tightened slightly, his face one of beaming pride and reassurance.
“Then we’ll learn together,” Guy promised, sounding so earnest that Neji could feel it palpably. “But you are finished for the day.”
Neji’s face fell instantly, offense written all over his face.
“Guy-sensei, I can still-” Neji tried-
“No.”-only to get cut off
“But the drills-”
“Absolutely not.”
“I could at least observe-”
“As long as you don’t move more than five feet away from me.” Guy-sensei told him, with a wink. Neji scowled, looking at his sensei with genuine disbelief. “Your only mission today is to sit, rest, and let your body mend itself.”
“This is a profound waste of my time,” Neji muttered, looking to his teammates for help, only to find them whistling, purposefully avoiding his gaze. Neji let out a long, defeated sigh. Slowly, every muscle screaming in protest, he lowered himself onto the grass at the edge of the training field. He moved with a gingerly grace he hated, but his ribs left him little choice. Almost immediately, Lee was at his side, sitting close enough that Neji could feel his warmth, while Tenten claimed the space on his other side. The three of them sat in a companionable silence, no one mentioning the way Neji’s shoulders had finally, for the first time in weeks, begun to drop.
"Shouldn't you guys be training?” Neji asked, as Guy-sensei shouted at his other students to ‘hop to it!’.
He still struggled to see Hiashi’s methods as cruel. He believed that the intensity was a gift, a sign of faith in his endurance, but as he sat there, Neji began to wonder if there was a difference between having the strength to endure and the wisdom to know when he shouldn't have to.
It was a new, uncomfortable thought, and he wasn't sure what to do with it just yet. So, for now, he followed his sensei’s orders.