Work Text:
Dave Blassingame had never trusted anything with wheels that did not need wheels.
The object in front of him had four legs.
That made it worse.
Wallace patted the polished metal flank of his newest invention.
“Meet the Gallop-O-Matic, Mr. Blassingame! All the advantages of a horse, none of the feeding.”
Dave looked at Brown.
Brown, being an actual horse, looked deeply offended.
Gromit stood beside the machine holding a wrench and wearing the expression of someone who had already drafted an apology to the entire American West.
“What happens if it gets scared?” Dave asked.
“Oh, it can’t.”
The Gallop-O-Matic screamed.
Its eyes flashed red.
It kicked a water barrel through the wall of the stable.
Dave slowly turned toward Wallace.
Wallace cleared his throat.
“Minor sensitivity issue.”
Dave had met Wallace two days earlier on the trail. Wallace and Gromit had been standing beside a wagon whose axle had detached itself after Wallace installed something called an Automatic Rut Avoider.
Dave had helped them into town.
He regretted this almost immediately.
By supper, Wallace had repaired three clocks nobody had asked him to repair, installed a self-buttering bread rack in the hotel, and persuaded the blacksmith to let him demonstrate the mechanical horse.
Gromit had spent the afternoon undoing most of it.
Then somebody stole the Gallop-O-Matic.
Dave found the tracks outside the stable.
Metal horseshoes.
Deep ones.
“Whoever took it is heading north,” he said.
Wallace gasped. “Horse thieves!”
Dave looked at him.
“Technically.”
Gromit packed sandwiches.
They followed the tracks into the hills.
The thieves were two brothers, Ed and Luther Crake, who had spent years stealing horses and selling them across the territory. A horse that did not tire, eat, or need water seemed like the greatest thing they had ever seen.
They were wrong.
Ed climbed onto the Gallop-O-Matic.
“Hyah!”
Nothing happened.
He kicked its sides.
The machine’s head rotated completely around.
Ed froze.
“Luther?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t like it.”
Then Wallace, Dave, and Gromit appeared on the ridge.
Wallace waved.
“There she is!”
The Gallop-O-Matic recognized Wallace’s voice.
Its ears sprang upward.
“OWNER DETECTED.”
Dave frowned.
“It talks?”
“Only important phrases.”
“RETURNING TO OWNER.”
The mechanical horse charged.
Ed screamed.
It carried him straight through the camp.
Luther jumped aside.
Dave drew his gun but Gromit grabbed his sleeve and shook his head.
The Gallop-O-Matic was now galloping in circles.
“STOP!” Ed yelled.
“RETURNING TO OWNER.”
“You passed him!”
“RETURNING TO OWNER.”
Wallace looked worried.
“Navigation may be slightly approximate.”
Gromit opened the remote control box.
Dave watched him adjust three wires.
“You know how to stop it?”
Gromit nodded.
“Good.”
Gromit pressed a button.
The Gallop-O-Matic stopped instantly.
Ed flew over its head into a cactus.
Dave winced.
“That’ll do.”
Luther reached for his gun.
Brown charged from behind a tree and knocked him flat.
Dave smiled.
“Good boy.”
Wallace stared at Brown.
“Remarkable.”
Dave narrowed his eyes.
“Don’t invent anything for him.”
“I was only thinking—”
“No.”
Gromit nodded firmly.
Back in town, the Crake brothers were handed to the sheriff.
Wallace decided the Gallop-O-Matic required further testing.
Dave suggested England.
Wallace thought this was an excellent idea.
Before leaving, Wallace offered Dave a small brass device.
“What’s that?”
“Automatic saddle warmer.”
Dave stared.
Brown stared.
Gromit stared.
Wallace slowly put it back in his pocket.
“Perhaps not.”
Dave shook Gromit’s paw.
“You’re welcome back anytime.”
Wallace smiled.
“Thank you!”
Dave looked at Gromit.
“I was talking to him.”
Gromit tipped his hat.
Brown whinnied.
The two competent members of the party understood one another perfectly.