Work Text:
AO3-style crossover fanfiction - standalone story
Hank Brackett liked automobiles.
Johnny Reach liked automobiles.
Neither liked Wallace’s automobile.
“It has six steering wheels,” Hank said.
“Redundancy,” Wallace explained.
Johnny pointed underneath.
“What’s that?”
“Emergency cheese compartment.”
Johnny nodded.
“That I respect.”
Gromit sat in the passenger seat wearing goggles and holding the actual steering wheel.
The Bearcats had been hired to recover a stolen payroll from a gang operating near the Mexican border.
Wallace had been hired by nobody.
He and Gromit were simply lost.
This did not prevent Wallace from joining the expedition.
“I’ve always fancied a motor tour.”
Hank looked at Johnny.
Johnny shrugged.
“Dog looks capable.”
Gromit nodded.
Wallace’s latest invention was mounted on the roof: the Automatic Lassoing Apparatus.
A mechanical arm rotated above the vehicle and could supposedly identify and rope obstacles.
“Obstacles?” Hank asked.
“Fence posts. Cattle. Bandits.”
“You programmed it for bandits?”
Wallace hesitated.
“Broadly.”
Gromit covered his face.
The gang attacked at noon.
Three riders appeared on the ridge.
Johnny accelerated.
Hank fired over the rear panel.
Wallace activated the lasso.
The mechanical arm spun.
“TARGET ACQUIRED.”
“Splendid!”
The rope flew.
It caught Hank.
Hank disappeared from the car.
Johnny slammed on the brakes.
Wallace gasped.
“Oh.”
They found Hank hanging upside down from a tree.
Gromit cut him down.
Hank stood.
He looked at Wallace.
Wallace smiled weakly.
“Calibration.”
Hank walked away before saying something regrettable.
That evening, Gromit recalibrated the machine himself.
The payroll gang was camped in a narrow canyon.
The Bearcats planned to enter quietly.
Wallace whispered, “Quietly. Absolutely.”
His vehicle backfired.
The canyon echoed.
Johnny closed his eyes.
“Well.”
The gang opened fire.
Everyone scattered.
Gromit jumped behind the controls.
The lasso arm activated.
“TARGET ACQUIRED.”
A rope shot across the canyon and yanked a rifle from one outlaw’s hands.
Another rope caught a second man around the ankles.
A third looped around a wagon wheel and pulled the entire barricade sideways.
Johnny stared.
“Dog fixed it.”
Wallace beamed.
“He’s very handy.”
Hank fired twice and disarmed the gang leader.
Within minutes, the fight was over.
The payroll was recovered.
Nobody was shot.
Wallace’s automobile lost two doors, a headlamp, the emergency cheese compartment, and one decorative horn.
Wallace inspected the damage.
“Could’ve been worse.”
The horn fell off.
Gromit caught it.
Johnny opened the payroll box.
Inside, beneath the money, sat a wedge of cheese.
Everyone stared at Wallace.
Wallace stared back.
“I wondered where that went.”
Hank laughed.
It was the first time Gromit had seen him do so all day.
At the next town, Wallace offered to improve the Bearcats’ car.
“No,” Hank said.
“Suspension?”
“No.”
“Tea boiler?”
“No.”
“Automatic lasso?”
Hank paused.
Johnny whispered, “Dog installs it.”
Hank considered Gromit.
Gromit nodded.
“Fine.”
Wallace clapped his hands.
“Wonderful!”
Hank pointed at him.
“You don’t touch anything.”
Wallace lowered his hands.
“Right.”
Gromit opened the toolbox.
Johnny handed him a wrench.
The West, briefly, became safer.