Chapter Text
A young man is standing in his bedroom.
It just so happens that today, September 17th, 2008, is not a special date whatsoever.
This young man has always had a name, I am not in the mood to do this bit.
Your name is John Egbert and you are currently bored out of your mind.
You just had a strife with your father over the abundance of cake in the house for literally no reason because your birthday was months ago and you hate cake anyway.
You are about to claw your eyes out from the immeasurable and unbearable boredom you are currently experiencing when your pesterchum suddenly lights up with a notification.
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gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT] at 17:38
GG: john!
GG: johhhhnnnnnn
GT: what is it, jade?
GG: i was so bored and wanted to know what you were up to! :B
GT: well that's probably a good thing because i was bored too
GT: just got into a fight with my dad :/
GG: oh no! was it about the baking again?
GT: of course it was!
GG: right... :(
GG: sooooo.....
GT: ?
GG: y'know....
GT: no, i don't know, jade.
GT: what is this about?
GG: you know whoooo ;D
GT: what are you talking about???
GG: what about you and dave!
GG: have you told him how you feel?
GT: what???
GT: you've got it all wrong!
GT: we're just friends!
GT: and besides,
GT: i'm not a homosexual, jade!
GG: that's what they all say!
GG: i can tell you like him by the way you talk about him to me!
GT: well if you're going to pick on me for a NON-EXISTENT crush on dave,
GT: then i get to tease you about rose!
GG: that's different!
GG: i at least admit i have a crush even if i haven't confessed!
GT: with the way she psychoanalizes everyone, i doubt you need to
GG: oh, shut up!
GG: i still think you're in denial about dave!
GT: i am not in denial!
GT: i don't like boys and i don't have a crush on dave!
GG: denial is a river in egypt or whatever they say!
GT: whatever
GT: if i talk to him, will you get off my back?
GG: if i say yes, will you?
GT: yes! fine!
GG: good!
GG: break a leg!
gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]
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Why did you agree to this????
Whatever, you just have to get it together and talk to Dave. Can't be too hard, he's your friend! You talk every day!
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ghostlyTrickster [GT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:50
GT: hey Dave
GT: what's up with you?
TG: uhhh hey john
TG: just throwing down some sick fires for fun
TG: like the absolute sickest of fires
TG: like fires so sick they'd singlehandedly cause a forest fire so big it would make smokey the bear weep openly
TG: as coolkids do
GT: yup!
GT: of course!
GT: you're the coolest coolkid!
GT: like... of all time!
(Oh God oh fuck your heart is racing why is this happening!?)
TG: you good man?
TG: you're being kinda awkward
TG: like more awkward than normal
GT: oh crap, really?
GT: sorry man i'm just super tired i guess
TG: if you say so
TG: my bro needs something, hold on
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]
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That went fucking horribly!
Oh no you might actually have a crush on Dave.
That's so wrong!
I mean, you don't find anything wrong with gay people, you just... Don't want to be one?
What will your father think!? What if he hates you!? What if Dave finds out and thinks you're weird! I mean, who wouldn't! He's literally your best friend and he'd probably just rather stay that way!
You scream into your pillow for a while and then start watching your favorite movies, Nick Cage will make you feel better, right?
Nick Cage did in fact, not help the situation.
You could really use a certain someone's help right now.
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ghostlyTrickster [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 21:36
GT: ROSE!
GT: I'M HAVING AN EMERGENCY AND I'M PANICKING!
GT: I REALLY NEED YOUR EXPERTISE!!!!
GT: I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A CRUSH ON DAVE BUT I'M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL OR AT LEAST I DON'T THINK I AM AND HE'S MY BEST FRIEND SO IT'S WEIRD!!!!
TT: john, what could you possibly need at this hour?
TT: oh.
TT: calm down, john.
TT: i can't say i wasn't expecting this, but...
TT: do you wish to talk about it?
GT: i don't know...
GT: it might help, but this is just so weird!
GT: i'm not supposed to feel like this over another boy! let alone my best bud!
TT: not to be rude if you find this offensive, but it sounds like you have some kind of internalized homophobia
GT: internalized what now?
TT: internalized homophobia.
(She suddenly stops and pauses for a bit)
TT: sorry to cut this exchange short, but someone else needs my advice
TT: we will talk again later and you will get my undivided attention then
TT: i promise
TT: just talking to this person may help me with your issue as well.
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]
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Well that was weird...
Who's probably completely unrelated issues could possibly help Rose understand yours??? What could those issues POSSIBLY be????