Chapter Text
Who are you?
This was where it all began for Subaru. This was what the spark that led his own personal hell, with his pride left to shrivel up and die. Even after all he went through during the sanctuary, learning to love himself more, after saving the ones he loved, becoming the knight he aspired to be, and a year of bliss with the ones he called family, this was the start of everything he worked towards being washed away
Now he lays limp in a dungeon of evil sealing stones. Hair ashen white from repeated trauma, scars completely decorating his body from the neck down
Bones were broken
Muscles atrophied
Hollow cheeks and paled skin from lack of food and sunlight
His figure laid thin and weak in the blood soaked floor
His arm and leg still cursed with dragon blood
His body was in a miserable state, incapable of even walking normally. But it paled in comparison to his mental state
He was no longer responsive to the outside world. His desperate pleas vanished, the only thing coming out of his mind was a mantra, repeating “I’m not an archbishop” over and over
His gate was steadily taking in mana, but he was in a dangerous predicament. He has been separated from Beatrice for 3 straight months. If his mana isn’t drained within the next few weeks, he’ll die and have to return by death again. Although he’s been in the dungeon for 3 months, to him, it was over a year’s worth of mindless torture at the hands of sadistic knights
The instructions were clear: detain the suspect, until he is cleared of suspicion. If he is an archbishop, question him. If suspicion is cleared, he is to be let go. Simple orders from the kingdom, through and through
However, those knights had vendettas against those who claim to be one of them. They remember clear as day when some bombastic brat claimed to be a knight and made a mockery of their career. Oh how badly they wanted to kill that snobby idiot in the worst way possible, but then one knight stepped in and publicly humiliated him, putting him in his place: in the dirt. Who was that idiot again? And which knight was it that humiliated him?
…who cares. But this witch-smelling self proclaimed “knight” who taunts everyone with his oh-so-triumphant accomplishments he clearly made up on the spot just to cozy up to a royal candidate and a great spirit?
During the day, he was tortured ever so gleefully by those rotten “protectors of the kingdom.” It started with three gruffly, self-important knights.
Then they got their buddies involved
Soon enough, there were 15 low-ranking knights who “watched and interrogated” the falsely accused archbishop. What began as simple revenge quickly turned into a horrendous past time. His life was diminished to being a punching bag for idle amusement. These ‘knights’ allowed for no visitors, claiming he was “high risk” and let their own positions of power feed their own egos
No matter what Subaru said, the knights still accused him of being the archbishop of pride, tortured him viciously, all with grins on their faces
Subaru picked up pretty quickly it had nothing to do with him being Pride or not. These knights just wanted to torture him for the sake of it. But why? Why are they so adamant on ensuring his life is hell? Was he taken to the same prison as Wrath? Was her authority leaking out? But her prison is made from evil sealing stones, just like his. Shouldn’t that prevent her authority from leaking out? Did these knights have a personal vendetta? Are they just naturally sadistic to those they look down at?
Why?
Why? Why? Why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Subaru no longer believed in himself. He no longer hoped for a light at the end of the tunnel. His self worth plummeted to nothing. His self loathing was at its peak. Natsuki Subaru? Hero of Priestella? He can’t even save himself.
So he laid limp in the dark cell, far away from sunlight, rotting in his own blood as his tattered clothes clung to his leaking injuries. He began to weep weak tears of agony and misery again
”Emila…Beako…………..I miss you……..”
He began recounting his friends
Emilia, Beatrice, Ram, Otto, Garfiel, Petra, Frederica, hell, even Roswaal.
Emilia promised to come back for him. Where is she?
Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where?
He promised his precious Beako a lifetime of memories. They were partners. They needed each other…he needed Beatrice
I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you.
His mind shifted to Rem
He promised to save her. He was her hero. Her hero? Him? He was nothing.
I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m nothing.
He began thinking of other camps as well. What are they all up to? What are they all doing while he laid there to rot? Why must he be the one to suffer while everyone else gets to be free
Oh, that’s right
Because he’s worthless
That was his last coherent thought before he spiraled around the tip of insanity, 2 weeks ago in real time, but 2 months ago in return by death time
The Emilia camp was in complete disarray. Ever since the attack on Priestella, for some reason they were utterly disorganized. Like the glue that held them all together had gone missing, leaving the camp members to scatter everywhere.
Emilia and Beatrice were the most confused, and Beatrice in particular was in dire circumstances
She never had a contractor before…or has she?
Beatrice was engaged in combat with a sin archbishop of gluttony in the water gate city. She knew better than most what it felt like seeing someone you’ve never seen before passed out in front of you, despite apparently have been fighting along with you this entire time
So when that mysterious raven-haired boy emanating enough miasma to match an archbishop approached her, claiming to be her contractor, she felt conflicted. Mainly because there WAS a contract between the two of them.
The miasma was beyond intense, like an archbishop
His desperation made him sound like a lunatic, matching similar lunacy an archbishop would have
But that contract was still there. That was an immutable fact. Was there an authority that let the user tamper with or even force contracts with spirits?
…She had never heard of something like that before. That can’t be it. Plus, he claims to not have a gospel, which greatly increases his innocence. She lost her ability to use mana drain since the Forbidden Library was burnt down, but since this individual had a contract with her, regardless of it’s validity, she could still use it on him to check his intent. That way, she could get a clear image of whether he was telling the truth, or if he really was an archbishop in disguise.
But that was where she made a grave mistake.
The boy begged and pleaded her to try to remember their shared past together. She knew trying to force memories eaten by gluttony was a wasted effort, but if he was her contractor, he had to have been her most important person. He had to be that person. She felt a splitting headache, trying to recall suppressed memories
She pushed past the pain rather than just checking the boy’s mana. She was desperate. As a spirit, contracts are sacred to her. Her entire existence hinges on contracts, so without thinking, she desperately tried to remember why she even left the library in the first place
Fire
Smoke
Holding onto an empty book, ready to die
Beatrice’s headache intensified. She knew what she was going was foolish…but she needs to know. She NEEDS this. The words this mysterious person speaks, the memories he recounts, then time they apparently spent together…she needs to remember it. Hearing is one thing, but she waited 400 years. 400 years…for what??? What happened?
Beatrice’s world began to spin rapidly. This battle in her mind was causing a thunderstorm in her brain
Fire
Smoke
Holding into an empty book, ready to die
And then…what?
What is it?
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
WHY IS SHE OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY?
WHY DID SHE BREAK HER CONTRACT WITH HER MOTHER?
‘CHOOSE ME!’
Beatrice blacked out shortly after. She tried too hard to remember what was consumed. By the time she awoke, it was morning, and the boy was gone. She tried to use her contract to find the location of that mysterious person, but something blocked the way. She was a spirit with a missing contractor. She had the chance to inspect his mana, and she blew it
“Beatrice!!!” Emilia panicked when the spirit girl suddenly tumbled to the ground unconsciously.
”Beako!!” The raven haired boy ran towards the two with concern in his eyes. But before he would make it to them, he felt a heavy weight tackle him to the ground
”He just tried to attack a royal candidate! He must be a sin archbishop!” The tackling knight yelled
”The Great Spirit confirmed he has miasma! This bastard is at minimum a witch cultist!” Another gruffly knight yelled.
”Wait wait wait! I’m not an archbishop, you got it all wrong!” The mean-eyed boy pleaded
”All she said was he had miasma! She never called him an archbishop!” Emilia pleaded
Neither Subaru nor Emilia caught on yet that the knights were just looking for a reason to drag him into prison and exact their revenge for his brazen words earlier. Underneath their helmets, the two knights were grinning, ready to make this self-proclaimed knight eat his words. The third knight didn’t wear a helmet, and kept a stoic expression as best he could
”Emilia! Please help! I’m your knight, try to remember! It’s me, Natsuki Subaru! Your best knight, your only knight!” The boy melted down as the knights were on top of him
Emilia had a scared expression on her face. Not because she felt she was in danger, but because she was very conflicted
She is a half elf. Emilia is all too familiar with being labeled something your not. It was something she had fought her whole life, so she can relate to the boy’s pleading and ranting. She doesn’t have a knight, so if what he says held any weight, that would fill in the strangely empty spot in her camp. It would also explain why Beatrice left the library despite having no contractor. She was so stubborn about not leaving before. What was different now? He also didn’t sound nearly as crazy as Regulus or the other archbishops did.
But there was that seed of doubt in her mind. They were just attacked by every Archbishop at once. If he had as much miasma as Beatrice said, then the boy could very well just be lying. But would an archbishop really lie like that? They usually proudly introduce themselves as an archbishop, why would he be different? Was it something to do with pride, similar to how the other archbishops behave around the sin they represent?
But the biggest worry was Beatrice. One moment, she’s fine, the next, after having a conversation with the boy, she passes out suddenly. She saw first hand how Sirius controlled the minds of others, maybe it was something like that?
Emilia’s grip on the little girl tightened as she felt her anxiety flare
”I’m sorry, but I really don’t remember you. I don’t remember having a knight either. There’s nothing I can do or say for you.” Emilia calmly replied
Subaru’s heart dropped, and he stared at her with horror on his face. Emilia saw this, and knew she couldn’t just let things go on like this without intervening in some way
She turned her attention to the knights apprehending the boy
”Excuse me, but I don’t think you need to be so rough with him. I believe he’s telling the truth. I mean…he doesn’t even have a gospel! Can we perhaps take a moment to sort this out?” Emilia tried to reason to the rough knights
”Absolutely not, miss. The Great Spirit already confirmed his extreme amounts of miasma, and shortly after doing so, he must have activated his authority to make her pass out.” One knight explained
”Sin archbishops are high risk. We, knights cannot take our chances. He must be brought in immediately.” Another knight added, emphasizing the word knights as he brought his head to the supposed archbishop’s level with a hint of mockery in his voice
Emilia did not like what she was looking at. Unlike Regulus, who was clear as day an Archbishop, she felt conflicted, confused, scared, lost, like everything she built up over the past year was at risk.
“I understand” Emilia responded. She than returned her gaze to the boy in front of her
”Excuse me…Subaru…was it? I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I’ll try to find a way to prove your claims. I’m sorry, but without any way to prove who you are, I’m going to have to ask you to comply with the knights. I’ll come visit you tomorrow morning to make sure you’re taken care of in the meantime. If you’re innocent, I’ll be sure to get you out. Alright?” She tried asking
”No NO NO EMILIA PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME!!! I’M YOUR KNIGHT, TRY TO REMEMBER! DONT SEND ME AWAY!!!” Subaru begged in return. He knew being sent to prison would be a disaster scenario for him
“If you’re a knight then act like one.” The knight growled. “On your feet!” Subaru was yanked to his feet as the guards restrained him
“Gk-“ Subaru winced in pain
”Sir Knights, please don’t be too rough on him! I reeeeaaally don’t think he’s an archbishop. I’m sure this is all a big misunderstanding! Please be gentle with him!” Emilia pleaded as she carried an unconscious Beatrice in her arms
”We will detain him and send him to the dungeons on suspicion of being the sin Archbishop of Pride. Lady Emilia, I ask you look after the Great Spirit and see to her recovery” The knight gave a non-comforting answer
Subaru continued his frantic cries, sounding crazier and crazier by the minute
Emilia felt the massive pressure on her. She didn’t know what to say or do. Beatrice’s miasma comment seemed to have flared into an intense fire that could not be put out, and these knights seemed determined to see their duties to completion
She gave up. She let the knights take him. She promised to get down to the bottom of this, and that was the last she had seen or heard of the boy
The knight not wearing a helmet gave her a farewell, promising to secure the ‘Archbishop’ despite there being no valid claims. But before he could leave
”W-wait! What is going to happen to him?” Emilia asked out of concern
”He will be taken in for questioning. That is up to the royal counsel to decide.” The knight responded
”Ok…but please ensure his safety. We still don’t know if he’s being truthful or not, so please make sure his stay isn’t too bad. I will come visit tomorrow to ensure he is taken care of” Emilia reasoned
The knight looked bored. His blonde hair swayed in the winds a little, and his bored red eyes broke contact after this request
Unfortunately, that did not work out for the half elf. She, along with Beatrice visited the knights station the following day. She wanted to bring along Garfiel and Otto, but they were recovering from their own injuries.
Emilia requested to visit the boy from the previous night, however, what she was told in response surprised her
”He admitted to being the Sin Archbishop of Pride shortly after you left, and is currently being questioned. He will be allowed no visitors. He had been taken to another holding facility” The knight responded firmly
He admitted it? Everything he said was a lie? Neither she, nor Beatrice were satisfied with this response. This felt…wrong. However, neither had any proof for the boy’s innocence.
”What will happen to him after being questioned?” Emilia asked
”After questioning, he will remain in a high security prison designed for archbishops. The council has declared to not execute him, nor Wrath, if that is what you are concerned of.” The knight responded robotically
“Why does Betty feel you are not being cooperative with us, I suppose?” Beatrice glared at the knight
”I must apologize, Great Spirit. However, I am only following orders that were handed to me.” The knight defended
”Let us see this archbishop, in fact. This concerns Betty’s contractor. Betty only needs to check the boy’s mana to confirm the validity in these claims.” Beatrice demanded
”Once again, I cannot allow for visitors. Not even to Great Spirits and Royal candidates.” The knight lied
”Can’t you at least tell us where he’s being held? He might be Beatrice’s missing contractor.” Emilia pleaded
”That is information I am not obliged to answer.” The knight shut down
”Minya!” Beatrice conjured 5 violet crystals, all aimed at the head of the uncooperative knight. Her arm was raised in the air, ready to strike at any moment
The knight, however, looked unfazed
“Should I remind you, attacking a knight on duty, even as a Great Spirit, you would be declared an enemy of the state?” The guard so casually asked
Emilia was looking considerably more nervous now
”Beatrice, please stop. I’m reeeeeeaaally frustrated too, but if you fight the guard you’re going to make things worse for everyone, even your possible contractor.” Emilia reasoned with the Great Spirit
Beatrice looked at Emilia in the eye for a few moments, before breathing a sigh of defeat
”Fine.” She responded. Beatrice dropped her arm, and the Minya crystals dissipated instantly
The guard had a cocky grin on his face
”Guess you aren’t so stupid after all.” He said with a victorious grin
From there, the two were left with no options. But they knew they could not let things sit like this. Luckily, a solution showed itself shortly after.
Anastasia approached the Emilia camp with an offer to see the sage in the Pleiades Watchtower to find a cure for victims of gluttony and lust. Assisting them would be Reinhard to ensure a smooth journey, seeing that both candidates had no knight, and Ricardo was grievously injured. Emilia and Beatrice agreed, seeing this would help their case much more if they could reverse the effects of gluttony. If the boy was telling the truth, they would remember him. If not, then he simply was lying
After briefly returning to the mansion, they picked up Ram and her sleeping sister, and set out for the dunes. Roswaal for some reason seemed desperate for this plan to work, mumbling something about missing an ‘important piece.’
But each attempt ended in failure
They set out 4 times in a row, and not once were they able to even get close to the watchtower. Beatrice luckily was supplied with a high grade mana crystal, which allowed her to live for a while longer without a contractor. Beatrice at some point argued she should instead be searching for her contractor, but was forced to give up, since for some strange reason, she could not use her contract to locate her missing contractor, she was only able to confirm he was alive since her contract still existed. There was something blocking her senses. If he was in an evil sealing stone prison, that would make sense.
In the later attempts, Garfiel recovered enough to assist in the expedition. Ram was even more determined than ever to get back her sister and Roswaal
On their fourth and final attempt at reaching the watchtower, they were ambushed by the gluttony twins. Lye Batenkaidos escaped, but Roy Alphrad was killed by Reinhard
”Have you any last words, Gluttony?” Reinhard asked
Roy grinned cheekily at the sword saint and began imitating Natsuki Subaru
”Rein, old buddy, don’t you think clichés like that are dumb? At least we think they are! And after we kicked that door down together so enthusiastically to save Emilia-tan like a classic 'hero saves the princess' trope too!” Roy laughed
Something stirred in Emilia
’tan?’
Reinhard also felt confused. How did Gluttony know about him kicking Regulus’s door?
”That look of uncertainty! Good! Great! Magnificent! Wonderful! Delicious! Exquisit! And that’s why it’s gluttony! Have back your precious memories, world! See how badly you failed your contractor, Beako! See what state your precious knight is in now, Emilia-tan!” Roy laughed maniacally as Reinhard beheaded him
Everyone let their guards down once Roy Alphrad had died. They failed yet another expedition, but they managed to kill a sin archbishop, which was incredible news for the world
”Ram was tired of hearing this swine speak such nonsense. Good riddance.” Ram sighed in relief as she lowered her wand
”Ram, can you remember your sister at all?” Emilia wanted to confirm
”…Ram cannot remember Rem still” Ram felt disappointed
Emilia looked somewhat downcast despite the victory against a Gluttony sibling.
”Oh…Subaru’s going to be reeeeaally sad about this…” Emilia said sadly
…
Something shattered inside Beatrice
”…What have I done, I suppose?” Beatrice dropped to her hands and knees. Her body was shaking. Her eyes were darted at the floor in panic
‘Who are you, I suppose? And why do you reek of the witch’s scent? Such intensity of this foul odor is enough to rival a sin Archbishop, in fact!’
’Why do you have a contract with Betty, I wonder?’
’Betty will validate your claims after Betty observes your mana, I suppose’
Betty never inspected his mana. Betty passed out desperate to remember Subaru instead of checking him to prove his innocence…
"S-S-Su..." Beatrice could not finish her sentence. The girl collapse in complete and utter defeat, screaming out and crying heavy tears of failure
Emilia gasped as soon as she recognized the name she just uttered. She remembered the rough knights, his desperate pleas, the knight confirming he ‘admitted’ to being Pride. She screamed
”SUBARU!!!!!!!”