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Ray heard a kettle whistle and realised with his still hazy from sleep mind he was alone in bed. The spot usually occupied by Ben was still warm. Dief was also nowhere to be found. The air in the room was getting colder and colder, due to Fraser’s absence. He was like a human radiator, very useful in the current winter.
As much as Ray didn’t want to get up, trying to make most of the remaining warmth, he really had to if he didn’t want to be late for work. His part-time job at the car repair shop was pleasant. When he was working, he couldn’t complain about boredom, unless it was a slow day, but as soon as he had a day off, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He tried his best to hide it from Fraser and so far, it worked.
Ray rubbed his eyes, making himself slightly less sleepy. A shiver run through his body, goosebumps appeared on his arms as soon as he tossed the covers to the side. He had to think of buying himself warmer pajamas, his tank top and boxers just wouldn’t do without Fraser’s body next to his. Speaking of his partner, Ray got dressed and went to kitchen to find him preparing coffee.
“Good morning, Ray” Ben greeted with a soft smile. He was stirring something in a mug and gave it to Ray, who as soon as Fraser started making him coffee decided it was the best one he ever had.
“Morning. And thanks.” Ray took the mug in his hand and sipped.
Yep, perfect as ever. It was freaky that Fraser got the ratio of chocolate to coffee exactly right every time. Even Ray couldn’t do it, and it was his own coffee he was making for all these years.
Ray kissed Ben on the cheek and smiled. He stayed close, their hips touching as they leaned on the counter next to each other.
“I take it’s fine?” Frasser asked pointing at the mug.
“More than fine. As always.”
It started to become their morning routine, except for the days where neither of them went to work. Ray was somehow able to convince Ben to stay in bed for longer than usual, and the Mountie didn’t even complain or made excuses that he had some work to do. The thought that Fraser cared enough about him to do things he normally wouldn’t do, was almost intoxicating. Ray derived a, twisted in its own way, satisfaction from it.
And yet, he knew he didn’t want to ask for too much. Not because he was afraid of scaring Fraser away, they were well past that if it came to asking favours. Or that Ben would refuse. Ray knew he wouldn’t refuse and that was the problem.
Despite saying it on some occasions Ben didn’t have a single ounce of selfishness in him. Everything he did was for greater good or something like that, and the only thing he did for himself, was letting Ray in. Ray encouraged him to think more about himself and yet, it still didn’t work out that well.
Thankfully, they had time or so he hoped. The rest of his life to try and make Fraser a little bit more selfish. To not only give generously but also to receive. And Ray had some ideas where to starts teaching Ben receiving. He smiled at the thought but didn’t say anything when he was met with a question in his partner’s eyes.
“Any interesting plans for today?” Ray asked; a rather successful distraction.
“Nothing in particular. I think the sergeant will use us to sort the paperwork, now that he has two young sets of hands to help him, as he likes to say.”
“That’s a weird way to put it”
Fraser shrugged.
“I suppose, but at the same time, everyone is young to him.” He said it as if he was stating a fact, but only to an untrained ear.
Ray tried to hide his smile by taking another sip from his mug and humming in agreement. Ben was much more spiteful than he let people on.
His sergeant, a rather old-fashioned and strict man, was just a few years from retirement. That was one of the reasons they moved to that town or rather the cabin near it. Fraser deserved a promotion after the Muldoon case, to be honest after everything he’d done in Chicago, but he was still a bit of a persona non grata, so they didn’t want to give it to him outright. Instead, they offered him a job at a place where he would get a promotion just in a few years. Ray insisted he take it. He knew it was Ben’s dream to get recognised for his hard work. And also, the car repair shop had a vacancy for a part-time job, so Ray was rather keen on staying and trying to build their new life there.
“What about uhh... Millie?”
“Billie” Ben corrected.
“Right, Billie. She’s also doing paperwork, being the mayor’s niece and all?”
“Well, of course. Being the mayor’s niece doesn’t excuse her from doing paperwork.”
Ray tried to stifle a laugh but failed.
“I sometimes still think you’re from another planet, you know?”
Ben furrowed his brows.
“I am aware of nepotism, Ray. But at the same time, I am also her superior officer and when Sergeant Bell isn’t at the office, which is often, I can tell her to do paperwork. And we do it together because she is hardworking...” he hesitated but continued. “And as of late there isn’t much else to do, with Sergeant in the field and us at the office.”
Ray put his chin on Fraser’s shoulder and drew circles on his back with his hand.
“That sucks, buddy.”
Ben hummed in agreement and for just a few seconds they stayed like that, leaning on the counter and each other, enjoying the silence. Ray was starting to like silence more and more. He realised how much the city tired him. He of course wouldn’t admit to Fraser that he was wrong about the city, but he suspected that Ben knew it.
Ray became calmer. Much less jumpy and, while still relying mostly on his instinct, less impulsive. It was also because of his change of jobs, but the silence of the North-West Territories helped. That silence was broken by one half-wolf scratching the front door to be let in and to remind them, they still had to go to work. Fraser sighed, disappointed in Dief’s behaviour.
“I told him not to scratch the door; he has a bell for that” he said but he still went to let him in.
Ray snorted and tried to hide his smile in his coffee mug.
“As if ‘telling him’ ever worked” he murmured to himself and sipped his coffee.
They had to get going, so they wouldn’t be late, but Ray still wanted to enjoy some of that domestic bliss he missed for many years. He liked the most about it, that Ben needed physical contact. He at first wouldn’t pin him for the cuddler type, or any kind of physical affection type. But once you were awarded with that intimacy, it was hard for Fraser to keep his hands to himself. He was always touching Ray’s shoulder, knee, hand, you name it, or steering him wherever he wanted him to be, or simply hugging him when they were laying on the couch or on the bed or just standing idly. It built that atmosphere of trust and warmth of a home.
“I thought he would be better behaved when we get back to his more natural environment...” Ben complained stepping into the kitchen.
Diefenbaker trotted along, pretending not to understand the allusion and went straight to Ray to say his hello. He was as always overenthusiastic and almost got fur and spit in what was still left of Ray’s coffee, but Ray didn’t mind that much. Someone had to be the good cop, and he was more than happy to fulfill that role for once in his life.
“He can be really grumpy sometimes, yeah?” Ray said to Dief while pointing at Fraser. Ben wanted to object but Ray was quicker. “He is also sometimes right. If you scratch the door enough, you’ll make a hole and then we’ll have mice. Guess who will have to look for them. Because it won’t be Fraser and for sure it won’t be me. So, you gonna scratch the door?”
Dief grumbled something that sounded like a promise of not scratching the door anymore and went to the living room to wait for them. Ben looked at Ray and tilted his head like he was considering something.
“Do you think I’m grumpy?” he asked and Ray chuckled at the confusion in his voice.
Ray stepped closer, their chests only few centimetres apart. He could feel the warmth that was emanating from Fraser.
“Maybe” he said with a teasing smile. He kissed Ben, briefly, lightly, their lips almost not touching. “Sometimes.”
Fraser rolled his eyes, something he did more often now, and kissed Ray properly. Nothing was brief of light about it. Ray could feel his partner smile through the kiss and he smiled himself. They heard Dief’s yip from the living room and had to break apart.
“Off to work we go” Ray said; Fraser taking his hand and dragging him to the front door, the last few sips of his coffee forgotten on the counter.
~~~
“A book club?” Fraser asked confused, after Ray told him about a great idea he and Monty, his work buddy, had during their uneventful day.
“Yeah, we’ll start a book club and read when no one is in the shop.” Ray explained. “You’re always nagging me to read more, so I finally thought ‘Eh, why not?’. I figured you would be happier with my new-old passion for reading.”
Ben shook his head and chuckled, clearly amused by the idea.
“No, I am glad that you rekindled with your passion, and you are finding a pastime here. You’ll have wear your glasses more...”
Ray interrupted him with a groan, to which Fraser only huffed disapprovingly.
“You know that your astigmatism doesn’t help with the contrast, and even close text is blurry. You wouldn’t want progressive glasses now, would you?”
Ray grumbled stuffy and leaned on Fraser’s desk. The shared office space he and Billie had was empty, as she was talking to the sergeant at the moment. Ray found himself there after his shift to pick up Ben’s books for returning and head to the library to borrow something for himself. He’s done it multiple times now, being Fraser’s liaison with the library as Ben didn’t have that much time to go there. Ben felt bad about Ray going there almost every time the need arose, but Ray felt glad to help him out a little. He returns Fraser’s book and he still get nagged to wear glasses? Completely unfair.
He probably should have given that resentment a rest. He wore glasses his whole life and only during his police career he thought them to be lame. Other officers always joked about them at the range, that he had head start or something similar. But he had to prove himself to be good just as he was. At first, he wore contacts, but his eyes were always itching because of them, so when he didn’t have to, the glasses were left behind.
As soon as he had them on, people gave him crap, like he was in middle school again. That changed when he took the undercover job and met Fraser. People at the 2-7 were nice, never commented negatively on his looks, unless he really looked awful after a few restless nights. Well, maybe except for Dewey and Frannie, but one was an asshole and the other his pretended sister. When he had to wear his glasses for the first time there, he was nervous he will once again be the subject of taunting. But nothing of the sort happened. He even got a few compliments about them. He also saw how Ben looked at him when he was wearing them, but at the time he brought it under curiosity that Fraser must have felt when they met. Now he knew that emotion was something else entirely.
“I wouldn’t” he admitted. “Fine, I’ll wear them. But only because it’s for my health you are so worried about. And maybe because you think they are hot.”
“To be precise, I think you look very dashing in them, not that they are dashing, and that is a difference.” Ben looked at him with a faint smile on his face.
Ray moved his hand closer to Fraser’s and linked their pinkies together. Holding hands didn’t seem appropriate in the place of work, even if it wasn’t Ray’s place of work, but he found a way to still touch his partner when he wanted.
“I think I would die if I saw you in glasses. Probably because of blood going to some other places than my brain.”
Ben, despite himself, snorted at the crude joke. Ray smiled at the sight he saw more and more often these days. It wasn’t only him that changed when they started living here. Fraser was able to let go a little bit more than he ever was before. Maybe their Friday dances before the fireplace helped, because he learned to give the control over to Ray and just let himself be led. It took some time, but it was worth it, every second of it.
He hooked their pinkies a little tighter, pulling Fraser closer. But they had to remember themselves because Billie walked into the room. Her usual composed and rather not very talkative self was now, what only could be described to her standard, as fuming. Behind her followed Sergeant Bell, already dressed to go outside. He said something about a patrol and that they know their duties and left the building, meanwhile not acknowledging Ray’s presence.
“Jerk” Ray said underneath his breath, but Fraser heard it and it earned Ray a light elbow to the ribs.
“You don’t even know the half of it.”
To both his and Fraser’s surprise it was Billie who spoke. Usually quiet, yet hardworking woman, never spoke up the way she did now. She did say hello and goodbye when needed but never made a comment about anything. She must have realized she said it out loud because she turned around, but Ray caught a glimpse of embarrassed blush on her face.
“Something of the matter, constable?” Fraser asked, clearly concerned for her.
She stood at her desk, with her back turned to them for several long seconds, before she sighed and faced them. This was the most emotions Ray had seen her express, except for a polite smile when they saw each other. She was angry, every muscle of her body tense. It was disturbing to see her like this.
“Unfortunately, there is, corporal. And I will write an official complaint about it” she said and hesitated, deciding whether to continue or not. The anger took the lead. “I don’t mind cleaning, you know I don’t. I quite enjoy it. But after sergeant’s order, that it would be my duty for today and his additional comment that I, as a woman, am biologically more predisposed to be better at cleaning, I will defy that order. I will be too busy writing that complaint.”
Ben’s brows furrowed at the nasty comment, but Ray’s jaw dropped, leaving his mouth slightly open in shock.
“What” he choked out.
Billie took a deep breath and sat down at her desk and started writing. Fraser did the same, much to Ray’s surprise.
“Could you please tell me the exact quote from him? If you remember it.” Ben asked and Billie looked at him suspiciously. “I will write a complaint as well, if you don’t mind. That kind of behaviour should not be tolerated in any environment, and especially from someone who should uphold the law.”
His addition made her face ease a bit. She must have been glad to have someone on her side.
“Yeah, can I write a complaint as well?” Ray asked to which Billie chuckled lightly.
This, even if unsuccessful, endeavour made Billie feel better. Her mood was even more improved by Ben offering to take on the cleaning duty (‘We will see if perhaps I am not more biologically predisposed to cleaning efficiently.’). Ray was glad it all played out the way it did, but he couldn’t help but worry that in the future the sergeant could cause more trouble. He told himself it was the problem for his future self and at that moment he had other matters to take care of. Although the library didn’t close until the evening, he’d rather not go there, when it had most visitors.
And it was not like it was swarming with people. Unfortunately, what once was a bustling town, over time lost its population to kids going to college and people seeking jobs in bigger cities. Ray had to admit, this place wasn’t a pinnacle of civilization, but it was a place he started to call home. It had a grocery store, an old school complex with primary, middle and high school all cramped into one building, something resembling a playground near it, the library and a small town hall back from the years of greatness. Ray liked the library the best, although the old couple running the grocery store were really nice people.
He started to notice, that every time he walked into the library, the smell of books was gettin him excited. Not because he liked reading so much, no, definitely not that. It was Fraser’s reaction to him brining the books he wanted home. That big bright smile Ben gave him and that spark in his eye made Ray excited for smelling old books. It was a Pavlova effect, he told himself.
This time it worked even better. As soon as he crossed the threshold, he felt his lips curving into a small grin. He couldn’t wait to ask Mallory for his book. His and Monty’s club was going to be great.
He found the librarian, a nice lady his age, at the desk near the entrance. Usually, at this hour she was putting away books, so Ray was glad to not have to walk in circles chasing each other Scooby Doo style. He couldn’t call out for her, it was a library after all and shouting was strictly prohibited.
“Hey Mallory” he said approaching the desk.
Mallory raised her head and smiled, but Ray felt that something wasn’t right. There was something uncanny about her that he couldn’t put his finger to, but he decided to forget about it.
“Hey, how are you doing?” she asked and took the books he was returning and a note where Fraser wrote down the books he wanted.
“Good, my buddy and I are starting a book club” he proudly announced, to which Mallory only responded with a nod.
“That’s nice. I like when a handsome man reads.” she said with a smile on her lips. Kind of smile that made Ray uneasy because he didn’t see it on her before. “You come here often?”
Ray made a face confused because he thought she remembered him and was also about to remind Mallory about his involvement with Fraser of which she knew about, but he heard a trolley emerge from behind a books shelf and he saw... Mallory with a pained expression pushing the trolley towards him.
“I told you before to not flirt with people on my behalf, Hillary.” She shook her head. “Some sister you are.”
Ray looked between the two women, seeing only a few minor differences between them. Mallory had a slightly lighter shade of ginger hair and Hillary had a broader smile. That was probably why he felt weird seeing her smile.
Identical twins, he concluded and turned to his friend.
“You never told me you had a sister” he pointed out as Mallory snatched Fraser’s note from her sister and dragged him away to search for the books he came there for.
“And I only know you and Fraser are an item because you use his library card. It’s not exactly like we know our family history.”
“I suppose you’re right” he admitted. “Did your parents intentionally made your names rhyme?”
Mallory shot him an annoyed look and Ray raised his hand, surrendering his comments.
“They thought it would be funny and the names weren’t that popular, so no one else would have them.” Mallory sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, I really love my sister, she’s great and all, but for some reason when she finally got herself a boyfriend, who now is her husband, she is trying to set me up with someone. She’s using her resemblance to me for that, as you saw.”
Mallory handed him the books for Fraser and dragged him again into the different section to search for his book.
“What was it that you were here for?” she asked.
Ray, still a bit confused blurted out “The Hobbit.” And added. “How is she using her resemblance to you if you’re identical?”
Mallory rolled her eyes and went into the kid and teenager section. She handed Ray his book and headed for the main desk.
“I am older than her” she simply stated, but Ray could hear the slight tone of annoyance in her tone. “You don’t have any siblings, do you?”
“ ‘ve been an only child my whole life. But I have cousins.” he offered.
Mallory looked at him as if he was a particularly stupid dog.
“Yeah, that’s not the same.”
Ray shrugged following Mallory to her desk. Hillary was still sitting there and as soon as she saw Ray she smiled, this time it didn’t seem uncanny.
“Sorry about earlier” she said as she was scanning the books. “I am just trying to look out for Mal, so she won’t end up alone. And I figured you were friends and you didn’t have a wedding ring...”
Ray raised his hand to interrupt the weird apology that didn’t sound like one, come to think of it, but Mallory was quicker.
“Wow, OK, just because you have a nice husband doesn’t mean everyone wants one” Mallory pointed out. “So please stick to caring for Monty and your newborn.”
Ray noted in his mind to ask his work buddy before they start reading tomorrow whether he has a crazy wife, because he already knew Monty had a baby few months ago. He decided not to ask the crazy wife herself, because that could be more awkward than he wanted to feel at the moment.
Thankfully, Hillary handed him the books silently and he was about to thank her and say his goodbyes, but Mallory stopped him.
“Have you thought about it?” she asked and she quickly explained after seeing the strain Ray put himself through to figure out what she was talking about. “Volunteering here.”
She asked about him last week after he said he had some time to spare after his shift. The volunteering program was supposed to bring the community together, through working at the library and leading few clubs for the young and old. It was a fun program, Ray thought, and helping Mallory would be a nice thing to do. The town’s budget didn’t have the means to create a second vacancy, so Mallory had to improvise.
She had ambitious plans, despite it being her temporary job. The only problem was that she couldn’t do everything by herself. She couldn’t run the library and lead the extracurricular activities for kids the library offered. At least the older folks could take of themselves, and few helpful ladies had set up a knitting club to bring them out of their houses.
Ray thought about volunteering only briefly, afraid that Fraser may read into it as him being bored in Canada. He had to reconsider, seeing how happy Ben was when he announced starting the book club. Maybe he should think of this as an anchor, something that would keep him here and make it just a bit homier than it already was. He scratched his head thinking.
“If I come here after work for a few hours, would that be ok?” he asked.
“It would be more than ok.” Mallory said with a smile.
“Alright, count me in.” He said returning the smile. “Fraser won’t believe this when I tell him.”