Work Text:
Are you serious right now. Are you serious right now?!
Kim Iwol you- how could you do this? You’re getting yourself hurt again.
And- I know something’s up with you something where your soul and experiences doesn’t quite match you age but, I really thought we were getting closer.
I thought I could see you look at me for me! I felt disconnected from everyone else before you mediated between me and Kiyeon, but still! You were the one that helped me and I got closer to them and you.
You didn’t look at me with hatred in your eyes.
You pulled me away from a stage accident. I put my trust in you during that! I can’t help but trust and love you.
You do so much for our group and I can see it in your actions that you love us too. At least…, that’s what I thought.
If you love us, if you care for us, why can’t you keep yourself safe for us? I’m glad the child is safe. I’m glad you’re not too injured, but you used me!
You knew this was coming. You made me bring you along to action school, a place that I genuinely had fun, was good at, and a place where I could learn to take care of you and you turned that into a blade to point at yourself.
And the younger members, our dongsaengs, they are so scared for you. You know they see you as the strongest person, but also incredibly fragile. Like a glass cannon except sometimes it wants to self implode.
No one wants to distress you more and they’re so considerate, but you can’t even seem to fathom the amount of care they have for you. You can’t see, know, or understand that we don’t want you to go!
You can’t trust us and you used me as a way to hurt yourself! How- why-?
…
Nevermind, it doesn’t even matter.
No matter what I do, no matter how long we’ve been together as a group -you know it’s been 5 years and in 2 more years the 7 year curse might break us apart so- even when we’re more than halfway through the known lifespan of our group -in our signed contracts. The time we spent together- the time I thought we grew closer- it was really just meaningless to you.
Because you’d still throw yourself in front of a car instead of trusting us. Really, thank you so much Kim Iwol-ssi.