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It was 18-year-old Haewon’s first day as a member the North Korean army, having dreamt her whole life of protecting her country against the South.
In school they were taught about all the horrible things the South Koreans were trying to do to the North, forcing the Northern government to close itself off to the world for its own safety.
Serving your nation was the highest honour, and the best and brightest children were directed down the military pathway.
Haewon was an absolute star pupil, the best in her age group, and was being pushed through the system on a fast track to a leadership position.
But first, she needed experience.
The government would never send someone like Haewon into a war zone, so she was given what was considered the safest post in the North Korean military: the border guard at the Demilitarized Zone.
What was once a hotbed of hostile activity between the two armies was now relatively well-behaved, at least at high-profile tourist locations like the border photo-op spot.
Both countries sent some of their most photogenic enlistees, eager to flex the beauty of their people.
Haewon was perfect tor the post — and so was South Korea’s representative, Lily.
Lily, 23, had become a bit a tourist attraction in her own right on the Southern side of the line, constantly with queue of people waiting to take their photo with her at the border.
She was tall, beautiful and constantly wore a beaming smile.
Haewon watched on from her side, curious if people would want to take photos with her as well, if only they were allowed to cross into the North.
She had a feeling it was less about being a soldier though, and more about being breathtaking.
Haewon would work the same shift as Lily every day during her first week, from Sunrise until 4pm.
She began to appreciate how Lily looked in the different hours of lighting.
Yawning and tired in the morning with squinted eyes as she battled the rising sun, blaring on her face.
Then engaging and friendly as the day unfolded, brightening up along with the day itself.
In the last couple hours before finishing time she would start cracking jokes with her army buddies, planning the night ahead, even taking out her scrunchy in the last 15 minutes to reveal her long, white-blond hair nearly reached her waist.
Haewon, with her military-issue shoulder-lengthed haircut, had never seen anyone quite like her.
She had been trained to remain disciplined at all times — eyes forward, position unmoved — but the teenager couldn’t control her gaze.
Haewon remembered every glance they exchanged during that first week.
On day three Lily looked over when a tourist seemed to be asking if it’s okay to take photos with the Northern soldiers, and when she did, caught Haewon already staring at her.
Haewon tried to divert her eyes quickly, but knew she had been busted.
Then, first thing on the morning of day four, Lily gave a polite smile and nod to Haewon, who was already in her assigned position earlier than usual that day.
The split-second of eye contact had been all she could think about the previous night.
Romance was strictly forbidden among North Korean soldiers, and since Haewon was pushed into that pathway so young, she had never even been brave enough to have a crush.
‘Is that what this is?’ Haewon thought to herself.
‘My first crush is on a Southerner? This is a disaster.’
While that’s what she may have told herself, Haewon’s actions told a different story.
After meeting Lily’s eyes again the on day five, Haewon’s quiet obsession only continued to grow.
She spent every minute of her shift hoping something would happen that would force the two of them to interact in some way.
Even if it was something horrible and they had to work together to stop it — Haewon daydreamed of getting to save the day.
Twice more on day five did Lily catch Haewon looking her way, and each time it took Haewon slightly more time to avert her eyes.
Lily was away for day six, apparently not on a 365-day commitment like Haewon.
It ruined her whole mood, but it was crucially an afternoon that military leadership would be visiting.
Haewon was the focal point of the visit, checking in on the military’s new golden girl.
She had always been known for her mind, but Haewon had started to wonder if that was something Lily would ever see.
She wished Lily was here to see Generals and Captains bragging about her training scores, but it was a strong reminder to keep her head in the game.
It had been less than a week since her first real exposure to the South — she was not going to let her mind stray this quickly.
But, as a teenager experiencing love at first sight, there was nothing she could do.
That night in bed Haewon tried to go as long as she could while thinking about something other than Lily.
Every time Lily’s image popped into her mind, she would open her eyes, forcing it out.
It resulted in an atrocious night of sleep, and when she did finally drift off, Haewon’s intense fatigue made her dreams run wild.
She dreamt of sharing a long conversation with Lily, standing right on the edge of the border, and when Lily stepped into the North they began floating in the air.
Haewon could feel that she was in a dream and tried to force herself awake, but she was simply too tired.
Maybe some part of her really didn’t want to wake up.
Haewon regretted her late night the next morning, but still made sure to arrive early just in case Lily did the same.
Maybe they could have a couple minutes before everyone else arrived?
While Haewon was thrilled to see Lily back on duty today, she only arrived two minutes early to begin week two.
Haewon could feel herself staring, even as Lily met her glance. She knew she should look away, but couldn’t.
It was the first time she received what felt like a real smile from Lily, not just being polite, as the blonde bombshell took up her post.
She was standing two steps closer to Haewon today than any of the previous shifts, Haewon was sure of it.
Did Lily know? Was it on purpose?
Since they were positioned diagonally across from each other, Lily had now gone from just outside Haewon’s straightforward sight line, to now being just inside her peripheral vision.
This was massive — Haewon could now watch Lily all day, without getting caught not doing her job.
And she did just that.
Any loud noise or commotion from tourists clamouring around Lily and calling her name, Haewon would use it as an excuse to look over properly.
Day eight was magical. They must have locked eyes and smiled nearly a dozen times, she had lost count.
Haewon’s heart was beating like crazy for each one, and she was now sure day nine would be even better.
After another restless night Haewon again got ready even earlier this time.
She arrived 45 minutes before sunrise, relieving the overnight watch of his duty early so she would be the only one there is Lily arrived.
10 minutes passed, then 15, then 20. Haewon had planned out a dozen different things to say if she got the chance.
She thought about the best compliments to open a conversation with. About how she wanted to come across cool and not flustered or desperate.
Haewon also didn’t want to come across as inexperienced. She was pretty sure Lily had previous crushes, and didn’t want to be looked at like a kid.
In her head she was smooth and confident, making Lily giggle and blush and fall for her.
But when Lily came walking around the corner in her stylish winter coat — officially 14 minutes before sunrise — Haewon froze.
“You’re here early,” Lily said, strolling over in a friendly manner.
“My name is Lily by the way.”
Haewon wanted to shake her hand, and almost stepped over the border to do so, before catching herself mid-step and pulling back onto her side.
This actually did make Lily smile.
“I know,” Haewon said, finally getting her words out.
“I know your name is Lily, I mean. I’m Haewon — you’re very pretty.”
Lily’s expression was a combination of flattered and shocked.
Compliments were normal, but from a young, pretty North Korean border soldier?
It felt scandalous. No — it was scandalous.
Haewon briefly panicked while waiting for Lily to respond, standing under the last light of the moon with their breath visible in the icy air.
Was Lily going to report her? Was her whole life about to fall apart?
“I apologise,” Haewon insisted, standing up straight and snapping back into military mode.
‘What was I thinking!’ she agonised to herself.
“There’s no need to apologise,” Lily reassured with a disarming giggle.
“Thank you — I think you’re pretty too.
“Aren’t you a little young for this?”
Haewon couldn’t believe her ears. She looked at her watch, 8 more minutes before sunrise. The courtyard was still empty.
“I’m 18,” she admitted, before half-bragging to try and seem more impressive.
“They want me to be a general one day.”
It charmed Lily more than anything. This teenage girl with a uniform at least one size too big, already boasting about her inevitable rise through the ranks.
“Damn, so I guess you won’t be stuck on the border for too long then?” Lily teased, fishing for another flirty comment.
“I’m here for 365 days exactly,” Haewon explained.
“How long is your assignment?”
“Who knows,” Lily continued
“But I‘d guess we have 355 more days to get to know each other.
The reality of that hit Haewon like a truck.
This had been the most exhilarating stretch of her life, and there was going to be 51 more weeks like it.
It was almost too much — while at the same time the crushing reality of an end date, and a finish line, had Haewon already reminiscing about a relationship she hadn’t even had yet.
Haewon looked at her watch again. Two minutes until sunrise.
“I’ll be here early again tomorrow if you want?” she proposed.
Lily smiled, wearing a look on her face like she’d just been asked out on a date.
“I have tomorrow off, but the day after, sure,” she agreed, before lightly jogging over to the staff room to change from her personal attire into her uniform jacket.
That day the pair must have spent the entire day exchanging looks and smiles.
Haewon desperately tried to hide it from her colleagues, but the men on the North side were all secretly just as smitten by Lily, and didn’t even notice their young female recruit feeling the same way.
Those kind of relationships were forbidden — on both sides — after all.
Chapter 3: The Last Couple Months
After beginning her 365-day commitment in January, it was now October.
Haewon felt pain whenever she thought about how quickly the days and hours passed, rocketing her towards a life without Lily.
But it was Lily’s birthday, so there was no time for moping around.
Haewon went to bed extra early and woke up even earlier to add some time to the special day.
She arrived to take over the post 90 minutes before scheduled, which was met with great appreciation by the man who was excited to finish early.
Haewon had spent the previous night writing a long letter to Lily, explaining how she had changed her life and made her dream of a future together.
Fortunately, Lily was not far behind, setting a new personal record of 77 minutes before sunrise. The South never bothered having someone on the border this early, so there was complete calm.
Lily was less of a morning person than Haewon, and the exhaustion on her face was a sign of what she was willing to put herself through for Haewon.
“Happy Birthday!” Haewon whisper-yelled, wanting to get her excitement across without making a scene.
After making sure nobody was around, Lily stepped right up to the border line, closer than Haewon can ever remember her getting.
As Haewon passed over her letter, it was the first time she had felt the touch of Lily’s hand, lingering on her fingers as she grabbed the envelope.
Haewon for a second forgot how to breathe, extending her fingers to make them as long as possible and remain in contact.
“Thank you,” Lily said with a feminine curtsy, while Haewon bowed respectfully.
“Should I read it now?”
“Yes please, we have time don’t we?”
Lily peeled open the envelope, sitting on a waist-height wall that created a path through the border to read it, while Haewon sat on her side of the wall.
Haewon cringed at some of the things she had written now that it was too late to change.
Was it too much? Too passionate? Did Lily even feel the same way?
This was Haewon’s first time feeling this way, but did Lily have similar relationships with other people?
Haewon couldn’t even watch her read it, keeping her eyes down on the floor, watching her own legs dangle off the wall and kick back and forward with anxiety.
It was silent for over a minute and Haewon listened to the slight noises of paper crumbling in Lily’s hands as she made her way down the densely written page.
As Haewon’s heels kept banging against the wall she sat on, it eventually stopped — or, more accurately, Lily stopped her.
Standing straight in front of Haewon, with her hands on top of her knees, leaning forward to get their faces on the same level.
Haewon couldn’t even comprehend it. How was this physically possible?
Unless… Lily had crossed the border.
Haewon looked up to confirm, staring into Lily’s eyes, and then back down at her feet.
She did, indeed, have both feet in the North.
It was beyond Haewon’s wildest dreams.
Even in her fantasies it was Haewon stepping over into the South to run away and live her fairy tale.
She didn’t even want Lily to take the risk. She knew how the North treated illegal entry to their country, and someone as incredible as Lily would undoubtedly be viewed as an invaluable political hostage.
“Lily!!” Haewon gasped with a terrified look on her face, but completely unwilling to remove Lily’s hands off her knees.
“You can’t! We can’t!”
“We just did?” Lily whispered seductively, moving her face so close to Haewon’s that they could feel each others’ breath against their lips.
“But… but…” Haewon tried to resist, with her eyes closed in total ecstasy, trying her best to brush against Lily’s lips with each word.
After a few gentle collisions, Lily moved ever so closer.
Haewon briefly moved her head back an inch to adjust, before realising it was a conscious decision.
“I’ve never kissed anyone,” she said, tilting her head down a little with some shame.
Lily placed a finger under Haewon’s chin to lift it back up, meeting her eye contact once more.
“Do you want to try?” she whispered as a proposal.
Lily didn’t initiate, but remained close enough for Haewon to do so if she wished.
She didn’t expect to feel Haewon’s hand’s grip her waist, while opening up her knees to create a gap for Lily to slide in closer between her legs.
Months and months of built-up tension and longing and doubt about if this would ever happen finally erupted in one passionate moment.
Haewon planted her lips hard against Lily’s, not quite sure what to do, and she could feel Lily smiling as they exchanged a series of pecks.
Haewon pulled away by an inch for a second to ask “is that alright?”
Lily was charmed by her inexperience. It’s not like Lily had a long history of partners, but she had shared kisses before and knew how to lead by example.
“It’s nice,” she whispered back, placing her left hand now on the back of Haewon’s head to pull her back in.
This time it was Lily dictating the tempo, slowing things down and gently kissing Haewon’s bottom lip, and then her top lip.
Haewon was learning as she went, not sure what to do with her hands either as they explored the shape and contours of Lily’s body over her casual clothes — until eventually she pushed Lily away and got back to her feet.
As Haewon panicked and fixed her hair and uniform, Lily feared they had been caught, taking her two steps to cross back into South Korea, only to look around and see nothing but empty space.
“Was that too much?” Lily asked gently.
“No, not that,” Haewon sighed, frustrated that she had been the one to stop something she had been desperate for.
“How long were we kissing for? I was sure somebody had to have seen us.”
Relieved, Lily sat back on the wall to continue what had been a memorable birthday morning. Maybe her favourite ever?
“What do you think would have happened if we did get caught,” she asked, tapping the wall next to her to encourage Haewon to relax again.
Haewon sighed again while sitting down, saddened by the reality of the question.
“It would be bad,” she said.
“I would be withdrawn from the border immediately and in disgrace, and my future would be ruined.”
“Yeah, same here,” Lily admitted, staring off into the sky.
“Seems silly, right? We’re not hurting anyone.
“Oh well, I’m sure they would make a special birthday exception.”
Haewon smiled at the thought of a special Lesbian Pass handed out for birthdays only.
“Thank you for taking the chance,” she said to Lily.
“I’ll never forget this morning.”
For the next hour as the sun began to rise and, and both tourists and staff began to arrive for another busy day, Haewon and Lily assumed their standing positions along the border line, but instead of facing each other, they stood against the same wall, side by side.
It meant that every time Lily posed for a photo that morning, Haewon would be in the frame, and she requested each person send her a copy.
It was the only photos she had with Haewon, and the next morning she would arrive with some print outs for Haewon to keep.
“Wow!” Haewon exclaimed, staring at the photos with a giant smile
“Thank you so much! I will treasure these forever.
“I want… is there any way we can meet earlier again soon? Alone?”
It wasn’t often that someone said they will treasure a photo forever and actually meant it.
Lily could tell Haewon did. She had survived this long in Haewon’s mind because they saw each other nearly every day — even on Lily’s days off she would wake up early as their time together continued to whittle down.
When they did have to go their separate ways, Lily wanted to know Haewon would always be able to remember the way they were during these life-changing months.
“Tomorrow morning,” Lily promised.
“Just like my birthday.”
The photo became Haewon’s prized possession, sleeping with the photo under her pillow and staring at it during her free time.
Was she obsessed? In love? Was there really a difference?
She didn’t know. She just knew she had a lifetime to live in the next couple months.
The next morning Lily arrived in the darkness of the morning to find Haewon waiting like a puppy wagging its tail.
They both check to make sure the coast was clear as Lily approached the border — before Haewon boldly crossed the line for the first time in her life.
She tried to play it cool, but Lily could see the fear in her eyes.
Lily’s eyes softened at the gesture, gently grabbing Haewon by the shoulders and holding her still to plant a kiss on her lips, and then walked her back a couple steps onto her own side of the line.
“Be careful,” Lily insisted playfully, each standing in their own respective countries.
“But thank you, it really does mean a lot.”
“Do you think the South would take me in?” Haewon asked for the first time, having never previously questioned her loyalty to the North until taking a step outside.
“I could be useful, right?”
Lily was stunned.
“Is that what you really want?” she asked.
Haewon truly didn’t know.
“I just want you,” she said with a crack in her voice Lily had never heard before.
Lily didn’t know how to respond, so she just allowed Haewon to rest her head on her shoulder as they sat side by side on the wall crossing the border.
Every day of November would be the same, meeting impossibly early in the morning and watching the sun rise together.
The year was so close to ending that both women were not completely avoiding the topic of what came next, choosing to relish the time they had left instead of dread the future.
Haewon had secretly hoped Lily would somehow move into the North, while Lily felt the same about Haewon’s defection South.
But both understood it just couldn’t happen.
That was until another escalation to begin December.
Haewon watched Lily arrive one morning, heading inside to the Southern staff room to put down her things and change.
As she was undressing, Lily heard someone at the door.
‘Shit,’ she thought to herself.
‘Who the hell is here this early? They were going to ruin one of the last 26 mornings I have left with Haewon.’
“Lily?” the voice said from the door. It IS Haewon.
Lily quickly opened her changeroom door, waving Haewon in.
“Shhh! Get in here!” she demanded.
“What the hell are you thinking?”
It was at least 20 metres from the border line, way way further than Haewon had ever dared before.
“I’m sorry,” Haewon said, aware she was putting them both in danger but unable to unable to divert her eyes from Lily’s body, dressed in just a bra and skirt.
“Just this once?”
Lily couldn’t believe how brazen it was — and also couldn’t believe how much privacy they had all of a sudden.
She wouldn’t waste the opportunity.
Lily immediately pressed Haewon up against the wall, kissing her lips, and neck, while undoing Haewon’s belt and unbuttoning her pants.
Haewon helped, unbuttoning her own shirt at the same time.
Overwhelmed, they both had the cheesiest grins on their faces, thrilled by the risk they were taking.
This was by far the most Haewon had done, and she had decided she was prepared for anything as Lily kissed down her chest, and stomach, using her tongue to trace a line down from her bellybutton.
They must have been in that changing room for an hour, eventually fully naked and tangled together, experimenting to find what they enjoyed most.
As Lily lay on her back, straddled by Haewon on top of her, they stared into each others eyes without saying anything.
What was there to say?
“Same time tomorrow?” Haewon proposed, now with a taste she feared she would never satisfy.
Chapter 3: The Last Few Days
By Christmas, Haewon and Lily had been meeting in that change room every day for weeks.
On January 1st Haewon would be departing back to the capital, ready for the next stage of her career, while Lily would continue in her role.
The closer the final day came, the more silent time they spent together.
Nobody wanted to make a big goodbye speech, and nobody wanted to admit whatever they had was coming to an end.
“What if we just ran away?” Haewon suggested, half-serious as they sat on the floor of the changeroom half-dressed.
“Would it even be possible?”
“Haewon,” Lily chuckled with a solemn shake of her head.
“You’re going to be a general — don’t throw that away for me.”
“I won’t,” Haewon promised.
“I want to throw it away for ME.”
Lily sat up at the thought.
“I mean, there is one place we could go without being found for a while?” she suggested.
Their heart rates both skyrocketed, putting their hands on each other again.
“If I can get my passport,” Haewon schemed.
“How quickly could we leave Korea?”
“Haewon!” Lily said with shock, wrapping her head around potentially deserting her own enlistment.
“Is this for real? We had 11 months to plan something!”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to do. The life I thought it wanted — I don’t want it anymore.”
“Then let’s make our own life,” Lily suggested.
“Same time here tomorrow?”
Haewon’s face lit up.
The next morning, carrying a small bag with a few changes of clothes and some keepsakes to remember her mum and dad, Haewon waited patiently at her post for Lily to arrive and begin their new adventure together.
As the minutes passed Haewon went through all the different reasons Lily would have to not show up.
She could have — and really, should have — gotten cold feet.
This was a catastrophic decision for her future, and Haewon even convinced herself that Lily leaving her hanging would be a sign of love itself, freeing her to fulfil her duties and the life she had planned.
But then Lily appeared, and Haewon could not contain her excitement.
As she scurried across into the staff room to change into casual clothes, the couple exchanged a look of disbelief.
“Are we really doing this?” Haewon asked.
Lily responded with a smile and a kiss.
Yes, they were doing this.
Dressed like two tourists, they casually walked back to the train station and hopped on, travelling as far away from the border as they could.
Haewon looked out the window in wonder as she experienced sights and scenes she had never witnessed before, while Lily grinned watching Haewon’s face.
Lily had saved up enough money to last a while, and her family’s holiday house in the rural countryside was going be empty for the next few months.
In that time, they would plan whatever was next — officially deserters, and fugitives on the run.
After two trains and a taxi the couple finally arrived at the house, put down their few belongings, and sat on the front porch with an arm around each other, finally enjoying their first ever moments of serenity in the sunlight.